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Nuckin’ Futs, The Wedding Edition: “Sacred Couple” Donkey Allison & Eben Pagan Honor Blond God & Goddess On Playa

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Our dear Rhoda pointed me towards the wack video of Dmitriy Kozlov & Mariana Grace’s epic pair-bonding ceremony at Camp Septic. All the gregdamn woos put in an appearance, every smellbot from Avocado to Skankatron.

Ali Shanti & Amber Hartnell, one of Smellsberg’s nutso exes, lure an unsuspecting Mariana Grace towards the execution scaffold.

Let the magic begin! Self-proclaimed genius Jennifer Russell is our goddess of ceremonies. After Cosmic Cowboy, a porno Mr. Clean, gives a prayer, Dmitriy starts rapping. Donk, dressed like Linda Blair in “Roller Boogie,” is on the right.

Dmitriy the Poet: “This is why we went to the burn! This is why we had all these lessons to learn! We’re rolling in the dust! Happy memories of aya!” (I’m not making this up.)

Jennifer announces, “We have gathered here six couples who are a pillar of their relationship!” I spotted Baya Voce & Tim Ferret, Ryan Allis & Danielle Blum (in a flesh-colored, porno onesie), and Eben Pagan & Donk. Wait! They’re not a couple! Which Donk announces around the 22-minute mark, before going into a whisper as she fetes the blonds: “Beauties. Ahhhhh. You are the archetype of the evolution of relationship.” Have some more plant medicine, Judy!

Donk (whispering): “Just by being, you are evolving.”

The aya flows. Jaahas and Elijah “Paris Truther” Ray serenade the couple while our burro sways in the wind. Pure magic, indeed!

I’m not making this up: my kid came home from school while this looney tune was playing on my desktop and asked, “Why are they dressed in their underwear? Are those people on drugs?”

Dmitriy would like to thank The Academy:

ADVENTURE & EXPLORATION:

Tim Ferriss and Baya Voce – Tim has been one of my biggest heroes for the past decade, my greatest freedom catalyst through his work when I was 19. I felt so honored to have you contribute to the most important day of my life yet. We cherish both of your wisdom on relationships shared in our late night chat and deeply appreciate your contribution of wisdom to our union.

EVOLUTION OF CONSCIOUSNESS:

Eben Pagan – After so many years of being deeply impacted by your teachings in business and love, I felt to giddy to hear your spoken word contribution at our wedding (and to know that I inspired you!) and for your mentorship in our marriage since.

Julia Allison – you were among the first women to inspire me to see what’s possible in a conscious, evolved woman, and we are so grateful to have your presence and contribution at our ceremony!

(Note: Annie couldn’t make it – Julia and Eben are not a couple lol!)

SACRED SEXUALITY:

Fia Forsström – you’ve been one of my biggest inspirations as an artist of light. My heart is filled with gratitude for your opening of our ceremony.

Eugene Hedlund – you helped us bring Sacred Sexuality through your tantra teachings in Thailand, and we’re so grateful to have your contribution in our Mystic Marriage.

A NEW EARTH:

Nick Sullivan and Brigitte June Huff – the great synchronicities of our love stories are beyond words. Thank you for creating the momentum Cosmic Heart which stood at the center of our ceremony, and sits at the core of our Mystic Marriage. You two are inspiring representations for us of how Evolutionary Love radiates out to create a new Earth through this Upward Spiral of Love.

ABUNDANCE:

Alex J Moscow and Jennifer Hudye – you two have inspired us both so much in how you playfully create abundance in your youth, and we are so grateful for your deep friendship as we continue to inspire each other to create epic lives!

COMMUNITY IMPACT:

Ryan Allis and Danielle Blum – as our best man and maid of honor, you always became best friends of ours on and off the playa this year. Your support, love and genuine care for us has meant the world! The way you each show up for community inspires us to contribute even more.

Jess Magic and Elijah Ray – two of my favorite voices and beings of light… we were so honored to experience your sacred transmissions of our vows, now embodied forever in our Union.

I’m so grateful to all the Playa Goddesses who supported my queen in preparing for this special moment… Ali Shanti, Maelyn Gandola, Amber Hartnell, Julia Allison, Tanya Khani, Maria Teresa Chavez, and all the other goddesses who supported my bride. Thank you to Micha Mikailian for being Mariana’s bridal charioteer!

Before Dr. Son o’ Sam, Delusional Donkey Allegedly Targeted Former Uber CEO Travis Kalanick, Bragged She’d Make Him Fall In Love With Her

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Amazing as it sounds, folks who should know better tolerate Julia Allison because of her “high-level connections” and her strange ability to get an audience with anyone, or so we’ve been told.

Our burro was allegedly hanging with Google’s Sergey Brin earlier this year, even spending the night at his house but definitely not with Sergey.

Just as eyebrow raising, Donk supposedly told folks she was romantically targeting someone high level at Uber. Later reports suggest it was someone who had once been high level – former CEO Travis Kalanick, who, according to yesterday’s WALL STREET JOURNAL, is currently worth $5.5 billion. Considering everything online about Kalanick, it’s difficult to imagine him falling for an aging jennet long past her expiration date. Indeed, the greatest love the world would have ever known was not to be.

Targeting Kalanick is also a shocker because Donk was the one who outed him to Forbes, in 2014, regarding a 2011 Orwellian Uber limo launch party in which attendees were able to watch and identify Uber users in real time.

Now, remember when your Gilly promised you some great posts after we’d moved? Stay tuned …

Fire Sale: The Dump That Rain & Rainbow Shared On The Island of Novato Will Soon Have New Owners

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The Unbreakable 55 Wildwood Lane, Chad McNally & Julia Allison’s maison de l’amour, recently went into foreclosure, though property manager “Justin” was still AirBNBing the dilapidated love nest until the bank accepted an offer of $1,150,00, over 300k lower than the foreclosure estimate.

Grifty sent me a link to the AirBNB listing a few weeks back, which still featured Donk’s decorating accidents and scathing new comments from more unhappy renters. I had so much going on at the time, I completely forget to save the evidence and the listing is no longer. Yes, your Gilly has failed you!

I do wonder if poor Rainy ever got his 4k deposit back from the emotionally healthy Julia that she is today – only her name was on the lease (and possibly her father’s). She manipulated the middle-aged DJ into co-renting the moldy “villa” for 5.5k per month and and expected the masculine to pay for everything else. Donk was broke as a joke for much of 2018 and kept stalling when Rain asked for the return of his deposit. Bon chance, Alex Marson!

In other Baugher housing news, Wilmette’s 1310 Sheridan Road, the Lakeside Assisted Living Facility, has received one review:

Bottom Video: A gift from Moroccanwear!

Got 7k & No Thanksgiving Plans? Say YES! To The Caterwauler & The Paris Truther’s CR Cuddle Puddle

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I had plans to cook a lovely Thanksgiving Day dinner for my family, but isn’t it about time I do something for ME? Journaling while in Costa Rica sounds absolutely wonderful. As for that 7k (airfare not included), who cares about my daughter’s tuition for next semester! She can fund her own education, by selling cacao and dreamcatchers door to door.

I’m guessing Donkey & Dr. David Berkowitz will be stopping in. The masculine always pays and surely the Son of Sam owes his epic beloved another vacation from vacation-itis. No way I’m missing out on seeing the newest woosome twosome in CR!

https://www.bandoflightexperience.com/costa-rica?fbclid=IwAR1_3dZuwwtA9ghRmIE47nxcLCe7vmStjmRDmdb8cXBSrwDMPBKl07mIl_4

Why do I always have an incredible urge to punch Elijah Ray in the face?

via GIPHY

Bottom Picture: Recognize this former RBD superstar turned Mr. Gay Southern California? Hint: He’s wearing Jedi Jewelry.

Bottom Video! Pure poetry from Tim Ferret’s biggest fan. Look for Jennifer Russell (who behaves as though she’s at a tent revival), Sacha Nielsen AKA DJ Deadbeat Dad, and Jess Magic. Rapper Dmitriy Kozlov tagged Donkey, but I couldn’t spot her.

Rhoda’s reaction to Camp Septic’s poetry reading:

Best Put A Ring On It, Dr. Marson, Before Our Burro Brays & Explodes

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Donk’s latest Pinterest pin:

OMG! Weddings! Our burro has been obsessed with them since her Georgetown days, when she became engaged to some schlub in the law school just for the sake of being engaged. Donk now tells EVERYONE that she wants a husband and children more than anything in the world. Will the Son of Sam come through?

In other news, look what’s been added to Petey Baugher’s resumé!

I suspect he’ll be adding the inevitable Camp Septic panel, “Ali Shanti & Peter Baugher Help You to Prepare for the Inevitable: DEATH.”

Also, we received a totally wack email from an “author” who wanted us to post about his 15k GoFundMe campaign for a children’s book he’s writing. Mr. Vanity Press seemed familiar with Donkey, even sympathetic towards her. He also seemed to understand RBD is a snark sight. “This may sound totally crazy but … ” Yep. totally bonkers. Moroccanwear insists we not shill for anyone wearing such a horrible hat!