Because, For Fuck’s Sake

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Must the woos sexualize everything? Ali Shanti writes a messy, endless, creepy as hell essay about her father’s death and her own orgasms, while Jena La Flamme can’t stop posting about – what else? – pleasure:

“A great way to get in touch with your body, literally, is to masturbate more! It’s the very definition of self-love.”

Gala Darling in her new book “Radical Self Love.”

What a great line.

Jena, honey? Lay off the diddling, just a bit – you already have enough self-love for all of Harlem.

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Not to be outdone, Michael Smellsberg, Jena’s ex, turned his latest “best seller” – bullshit – into a potential VD present because it’ll teach you how to become a better lover. The last person I want giving me advice on my sex life is the greasy gargoyle.

“The Last Safe Investment” on TV! I’m not sure it makes a great Valentine’s gift (as they suggest), but I *am* close to 100% sure it’s the only business/personal finance book that has a section on investing in your sex life!

[From the book:] “How would one go about investing in becoming a better lover? The key is to treat your own sexuality as the greatest art form in which you will ever participate–an art form you plan to cultivate your entire life. . . . But this art form goes way beyond techniques. Ultimately, the best artist is the one who puts the most of herself into her art. Commit to investing time (and this investment should be the most fun in the book) to putting *all* of yourself into your sexuality.”

Never heard of an investment book that talks about sex? This is not your father’s investment book. If you’re ready for an approach to personal finance and investing that takes *all* of your life into consideration as a holistic whole, then pick up our book here: http://amzn.to/1RcJLw4

http://wjla.com/features/good-morning-washington/valentines-day-on-a-budget-02-10-2016

Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The 11 Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis “perfectionist” post.

7) Bishazit Debnath! This energetic go-getter adores tacky illustration, Canadian politics, Vin Diesel movies, and lazy burros – it takes one to know one!

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A Curious Burro In A Curious World Wants To Know …

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Who writes for the Huffington Post still? Anyone on here? Curious about your experience. Do you feel it benefits you through bringing people closer to your work? Do you get a good response? PM me! (I used to write for them back in the day … )

Keep tiptoeing around actually doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING, Donkey! We’re still eagerly awaiting BOOK, podcast, and the promised Davos report. If only you weren’t such a lazy asshole living off your father perfectionist!

Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The 11 Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis post.

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6) Woo grifter Ishita Gupta, who was allegedly heading to medical school when she realized life would be much more rewarding if she could con strangers out of their hard earned dollars! Let “Magical Life Coach” Ishita help you “conquer self-doubt and magnetize your goals!” Having doubts? Ishita has a webpage filled with endless endorsements from fellow cons – I didn’t recognize one name, other than that of Amber Rae, founder of The Bold Academy and nearly Donkey & Debbie’s roomie.
http://ishitagupta.com/what-people-say/

An added incentive: Ishita has included the sort of pertinent information that would lead one to engage her dubious services:

I’m a twin (not identical)
and always make sure to give props to other twins.
My real twin hates that.

I’ve never held a “real” 9-to-5 job.
I’m A-OK with that.

I secretly want to be a hip-hop dancer
and make it a point to dance every day.

I enjoy living in New York City
but get stir-crazy if I’m here too long.

My eyes disappear when I smile.

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A Fashion Week Flashback – They’re Our Memories, Too!

Grifty reminded me that New York Fashion Week begins tomorrow and so I went nostalgic and got all weepy-eyed.  Who wouldn’t when remembering the stolen NBC mic, Julia “interviewing” celebrities and waiting for them to stop speaking so she could add her uninformed opinion, and poor Devin Stetler looking as though he’d just walked in from Modesto?  Yes, those were transformative times!

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The saddest clown in the world:

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Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The 10 Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis post.

#5) Woo grifter Mia Cara, who’s currently running a Master Cleanse scam. Be sure to let Mia know how amazing she looks!

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Many have reached out about the Group Master Cleanse..yes, it’s happening! Details coming soon, but will be in March. In the meantime, who’s ready to love their body now? Who’s ready to get their body in peak performance this year? Who’s ready to completely halt the aging process and feel and look their best? If you are ready for all this in 2016, let’s set up a time to talk about how I can help you create your healthiest body ever, this year! How long are you going to wait to get this handled?

Last night at an event a woman was stunned to learn I was 42. She honestly thought I was about 28 (just to be clear, I LOVE being 42 and never want to be 28 again!). I don’t put anything on my skin that isn’t edible. I’ve never had anything in the realm of a “procedure”, haven’t had even a facial in at least 15 years. I don’t use “products, no magic pills. I give my body the nutrients it needs, I cleanse it out regularly, and I move it in all sorts of pleasurable ways. The end result is a body and face that just hasn’t aged much in many years. The pictures here are of me at 41 holding pictures I took of my face when I was 26 just starting to get healthy (the omnipresent dark circles under my eyes at 26 were likely wheat allergy looking back). I believe healthy is beautiful and being the best and most vibrant you is the absolute best gift you can give yourself. PM me to set up a time to talk about how you can create this for yourself.

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Be His Submissive Valentine: Michael Ellsberg’s Jaunty New Match.com Snaps

Courtesy of Wendy K. Yalom, THE Wendy K. Yalom, the Wendy K. Yalom who has fauxtograped every woo from Ali Shanti to Julia Allison, THAT Wendy K. Yalom!

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“Make your last safe investment hooking up with me! Did I mention my dad? Once? Twice? Would you like to hear about him again?”

So dashing! So charismatic! So profethenal! So Christian Grey! But what is going on with Smelly’s hair?

Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The 10 Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis post.

#4) Hailing from Sri Lanka, please welcome dripping wet Nisal Samarawickrama!

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Donkey’s Vacation From Vacation-Itis Reading List & A SF Marina Sighting

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The book selections for my week in Mexico.

I read voraciously … And about a dozen books at any given time. After a long love affair with my kindle, I’m back to print, mostly to give my eyes and brain a break from my digital device for an hour or two. That said, I’m missing the experience of not having 12 lbs of recycled tree in my bag.

What are you reading now?

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A long-time basement dweller writes:

I was visiting the OMG Marina and walked into a posh vegan restaurant – and into not just a Donkey but the DJ with her.  She was prettier than I expected (despite scraggly hair and an odd belly-baring leggings ensemble, complete with Uggs) and bod looked pretty great, imo.  Fillers not super obvious, but the false eyelashes – as thick as whales’ teeth – were.  DJ Phwhatshisface was tall and in a wifebeater.  The tattoo is awful, but overall not as wrinkly/slimy as I’d thought.  Seemed quite into her.

I hung around a while to watch, while trying to explain to my friend what we were witnessing (impossible). They were very affectionate with each other, and the most exciting things I can share are that 1) yes, her voice is as loud as it seems online and 2) they did this weird prayer thing before they ate the food that came.  Hands locked together, heads bowed, whispering for a good 30 seconds or so, taking it Very Seriously.  Then the long, intense glares into each other’s eyes.  That happened a lot.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume they were two decently good-looking people in soft clothes who were in the earlyish stage of a relationship.  Hard to imagine so much crazy can fit into one person, and how (dare I say it?) average that person can seem IRL.  But seeing her – them! – really made my day.

pitshaver

Uh, better looking than Avocado but no thanks. Dig the shaved pits.

Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The Nine Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis post.

#3) Julia Allison’s Georgetown college roomie, a grad-u-ate with a career! Please welcome Cailleach Dé Weingart-Ryan – that’s quite a mouthful –  seen here front & center and giving it her best Blue Steel!

bluesteel

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