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Updated: Shillmeister Jordan Reid Has A New Real Estate Agent Boyfriend, Gives Great Cryface, Gets More Botox, Fights Anxiety During A Vacation From Vacation-itis, Continues To Pimp Out Her Kids For Page Views

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My word, this exhibitionist/opportunist is annoying! She uploads glamour faxuto after glamour fauxto, occasionally with cryface, to Instagram, all the while bemoaning the “emotional rollercoaster” she’s experiencing. She’s even willing to exploit her child’s conflicted feelings about Momsers and Dadsers’ divorce for page views. I hope the kid grows up and sues Mommy Blogger Dearest.

Surely Kendrick and his attorney appreciated yet another soft focus cryface glamour pic in which billions are able to watch Jordo suffer for the ages. Maybe she and the kid just need a slice of Red Baron’s frozen cardboard to bring back the rainbow of happiness?

More exciting Jordo news! She recently Botoxed her neck and has a new boyfriend, though her commenters dared to judge the goddess for hooking up with him less than one month after her divorce was finalized. Currently, the Malibu princess is taking a break from Southern California and lazing away in New Guinea, presumably on her father’s dime. I am impressed with how she always manages to fit a shill into her Ramshackle Glam posts, even when it’s about her anxiety when flying to Hong Kong with Dadsers.

Oh my fucking god:

A few weeks ago, I shot a video with Tiny Tags (makers of the necklaces I wear everywhere, all the time) in which I talked about the emotional rollercoaster of these past few months. I may or may not have cried while filming it; I’m not telling.

Retro Bottom Picture! Because Jordo recently agreed with a commenter that Julia built her and she’s thankful to Julia to this day for her, ahem, stardom.

Update: No, nothing on Jordo but our dear Handbag was playing Scrabble with her husband when she drew five letters at once and was able to play them and one more letter on the R in “Rainy.” Mr. Handbag insisted they pretend it was a real word and leave Donk there.

Updated: VD RingWatch 2019: Rom-Com Dream Now Reality?

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“Eeyore, will you make me the happiest bear at Pooh Corner?”

Is Dodi doing it today? Or will he wait until his long-expired burro turns 38 at the end of the month? Have his parents discovered Judy’s carbon footprint and are begging their only son to reconsider? And greg dammit, why has her massive pinterest wedding file suddenly disappeared? So. Many. Questions.

For those of you worried about Dr. Dodi ruining his life, please remember that she blew it with the other two suitors in the schlub triptych (which is now available from Android Jones at a reduced price!). The Medstitute cruised any wallet with wealthy parents when engaged to the Georgetown Law student who defended her vulgar, narcissistic ass in the school newspaper, and Prom King dumped Carrie Bradshaw 2.0 after she’d told the entire world that she just wasn’t that into him. And boy, did Judy go into a downwards spiral when her dashing suitor pulled out.

Get ready for Rainworthy insanity should this month come and go without a marriage proposal.

Update: Our dear Moroccanwear has created two fabulous tee-shirt designs commemorating RingWatch 2019!

Ali Shanti & Nye The Crypto Guy Want To Hire YOU!

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The Shantress and Fozzie may no longer be together, much to Colby Collins’s sadness, but they’ve still got one thing in common: These wildly successful entrepreneurs are both looking to hire suckers smart, ambitious folks who’d kill their own mothers for a quarter.

The old raunch actually has just one opening, for a membership coach. If there’s anyone you hated at university or in law school, be sure to send them Ali’s way. Legal notice: we’ve heard Ms. Neely/Shanti no longer requires new hirees take mandatory blowjob classes.

Fozzie, AKA Nye the Crypto Guy, DJ Majii, and Michael Austin Jacobs, is looking for contributors. How much do you think he’s planning on PAYING these folks?

Uh, No?

More brilliance from Fozzie will see us out!

Ouch, a Shantitown burn:

Tween lashes out at meanies:

Strange Days

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Oh, bunnies! An entity on the west coast has been desperately trying to hack RBD. Not to worry, our host and our engineer appear to have torpedoed their efforts. However, be aware that the site could be down briefly today and tomorrow for maintenance and adding our SSL certificate.

Our nutty inbox! Someone with an ax to grind wants to share eye-popping stories on Philippe Lewis, the sexpert who was Donk’s host for the NYE orgy at the ill-fated Ghost Ship in Oakland. In addition, more folks are inquiring about Fozzie’s various businesses before he became Nye the Crypto Guy. Finally, someone from Donk’s inner circle wants to FaceTime with your poor auntie. I think not!

And it’s only Monday.

Ashley Tisdale’s Career Continues To Flourish Since Producing “Miss Advised”

The fabulous Ashley Tisdale, who dazzled us in “High School Musical” years ago and was last seen on an episode of “MacGyver,” has just released a new single and video. “Love Me & Let Me Go” bravely confronts her struggles with anxiety. At least that’s what the press release says.

This past week Miss Tisdale premiered songs from her new album, “Symptoms,” during happy hour at the Las Vegas Convention Center. THIS IS SUCCESS!!

Only good things come to those who promote A Donkey, eh, Ash?

Bottom Tweet from Ali Shanti’s Twit!