Passive Aggressive Donkey Is Still Passive Aggressive, And Yes, Still A Donkey

“Yoo hoo, Alexander Marquardt! Wanna bang my green skin tags on a friend’s couch for old time’s sake?”

Any suggestions for Judy? Is Houston’s still open?

She tagged Krystal Kahler, AKA Danish Mary, and OMG! Randi? Kahler loathes Donkey, so much so that Meghan Asha and Mary Rambin were invited to her wedding a few years back but she certainly didn’t invite Mulia Mallison. And we know what Broadway superstar Randi’s husband thinks of the conniving burro. Maybe Noah No Vowels will help Judy navigate the much-loathed New York City. Surely Noodles wouldn’t mind?

Also, Rain posted this lengthy “healing” mess on his fan page. It sure sounds like Judy, but if it’s not our burro’s batty prose and Chad indeed wrote this drivel, then those two narcissists deserve each other.

Some thoughts on why people hurt people, and what might be done.

* Nearly everyone has experienced trauma or wounding in their lives. Left unhealed, this can lead to all kinds of behavior, choices, actions, emotional states, unconscious survival patterns and illnesses that end up lowering the quality of our lives and negatively impacting those around us.

* Every person on this planet has a different threshold for, and response to, traumatic events. What is traumatic for one person may go unnoticed by another. If it landed as traumatic to the person in question, then it was traumatic for them. Likewise, what can trigger this unhealed wounding is also different for each person. The fact that it may or may not make sense to you is irrelevant to the fact that, for them, they may be reliving unhealed wounding and may not even be aware of it.

* Sadly we all live in different brackets, classes, and levels of convenience, privilege, and wealth. Despite this vast and tragic landscape of man-made scarcity and abundance, trauma can happen to anyone. To draw the conclusion that someone is immune to the effects of trauma or are not allowed to speak to their suffering simply because they have more privilege or advantage is neither helpful or accurate in a healing context. The diversity of privilege and poverty we have is horrifying. The range and severity of suffering on this planet is vast and clearly, some are in much more immediate need than others. I’m saying I believe the origin of this imbalance and suffering stems largely from unhealed wounding/trauma. And that healing this imbalance can be massively accelerated by each of us taking responsibility for addressing what is unhealed within us. I’m making the point that trauma does not discriminate. And just as hurt people hurt people… Healed people heal people.

* When a person experiences a traumatic event, the emotional and mental parts of them that were most impacted often cease to develop (until the trauma is healed). Meaning, despite their current age, if an adult suddenly begins to behave in an immature or childish manner in response to a stressful event (such as an argument with a spouse or partner), unhealed wounding or trauma has likely just been triggered, and they are now behaving at the emotional, mental and or even physical maturity level of the age at which the initial trauma occurred. Far more effective than blaming or judging someone for behaving this way, is to see them compassionately, and view them as a child, at roughly whatever age their trauma occurred (do this internally and do not accuse them of being childish or talk down to them). If a child became emotionally distraught because they were afraid, whether or not that fear was real or imagined, an appropriate response would be one of compassion and love… a response designed to help them feel safe and understood, without judging them or making them wrong. Try that.

* Once trauma has occurred, coping mechanisms are usually created to help survive the event. Often our coping mechanisms are blind to us, meaning we don’t realize they exist or see them when they are happening. No two peoples coping mechanisms are exactly the same, but here are some common “go-to’s”: Regularly externalizing (projecting) the source of one’s discontent or suffering. Regularly blaming or shaming others. Displaying regular patterns of avoidance or anxiousness. Displaying a pattern of inflexible attachment to outcome. Having an externally derived sense of value. A regular pattern of being self-absorbed. An inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s emotional state or actions. Consistently seeking the attention of others. A regular pattern of victim, hero or perpetrator (Karpman drama triangle). A pattern of fear. A pattern of fear of intimacy. A pattern of uninformed righteous condemnation of others. A pattern of depression. A pattern of “drama”. Patterns of co-dependence. (I’ve derived these from my own observations, healing, and books I’ve read. It is not meant to be exhaustive. Just because one of these shows up does not mean unhealed trauma is present, but in my opinion, providence considerable evidence for it.

* The unconscious mind works hard to maintain the coping mechanisms and states of trauma. Here is the survival based “logic” behind it: “Even though these conditions may be painful, they have kept us alive, therefore we’ll keep doing them to stay alive.” This is one reason why healing from trauma can be so challenging. It goes against the will of the unconscious mind.

* A common response to unhealed trauma is to blame another person for it. (Yes, sometimes this is true. Quite often it is not). An innocent person may inadvertently trigger someone else’s unhealed trauma/wounding. The triggered person will then emotionally react as if the original source of their trauma has just happened and project much or all of their suffering from that original event onto the other person who just triggered them. This often leads the triggered person to react in an exaggerated or inappropriate manner. While they are actually responding in large part to the original unhealed trauma from their past, they are often blind to that. They will likely assume their exaggerated emotional response to the immediate event is totally appropriate and justified. Sometimes, the lengths to which a person triggered by unhealed wounding/trauma will go to is considerable, such as vehemently denying the true source of their suffering and instead targeting someone who has more recently triggered them as the source, causing damage, pain, and trauma in others, thus continuing the cycle of trauma. This is often because it is easier to project the cause of our deeply held pain onto others than to face the original event which caused it. It is also a core reason why it is so important for each of us to heal that which is unhealed within us, to break the cycle.

* Another common response to unhealed wounding is holding the presupposition that the person who triggered them was intentionally attempting to cause harm, act with malice, attack them or is mean, bad, or evil. They will often invent motives and claim them as fact, exaggerate events or emit context in order to justify their pain, while often blind to the fact that the core of their suffering is actually from their unhealed past and far less about what has triggered them in the moment. This often leads to inappropriate, defamatory, false or righteous condemnation of the person who triggered them and even others who simply hold some resemblance in appearance or action to their original perpetrator. They may do so on social media causing further harm and damage, in an attempt to recruit the support of others in their “story” of victimhood, all to help justify a wound who’s source is too unbearable to confront.

* Usually, the initial event which created the wounding/trauma stems from the actions of another person, often our parents and often in our childhood. It may have been intentional, or unintentional. In either case, I believe it is usually the result of unhealed trauma/wounding leaking out or lashing out and causing trauma/wounding in another. This is where the notion that “hurt people hurt people” comes from.

* Taking responsibility for our own wounding and resulting behavior; for our own emotions and coping mechanisms does not mean the person who initially caused that trauma has no responsibility. Nor is it about denying we were at one point the participant of an event that caused pain, fear, trauma or wounding. It’s about making a choice: “Now that it’s happened, it’s up to me to decide what I do about it. It’s up to me to decide what meaning to give the experience, and how to heal. Do I identify as a victim? Do I identify as a person who can turn this experience into a strength and help others? Do I want my life to be better or worse as a result of this happening? Are my resulting actions possibly based on unhealed wounding from my past or are they coming from a genuine place of love and healing? Am I condemning someone without being truly open to what their motives were? Am I creating conditions for deeper understanding and healing?” It was Viktor Frankl (a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps) who said “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

* Everyone has their own model of the world and their own wounds they carry. Because someone else responds to a situation differently does not instantly make them wrong or mean they were attempting to hurt you. It’s possible they are acting from a place of unhealed wounding or trauma. It’s also possible they simply have a different model for what is appropriate or normal in that moment and it happens to trigger unhealed trauma or wounding in you. Try replacing your judgment with curiosity about the other person’s model of the world. Be open to simply seeing it as a different way of living, instead of being wrong.

* Unhealed emotional and mental wounding often ends up mirroring itself in the body, leading to a variety of physical illnesses, pain, and suffering. I believe it’s usually not a question of if this will happen, but when.

* None of this is said to condemn, judge, belittle or make wrong anyone who has unhealed wounding/trauma or acts out on its behalf. It is a noticing of the ways in which unhealed trauma impacts and influences those who have it, those who are exposed to it and how frequently it is the source of our suffering. Clearly, my suggestions are not relevant in every situation. (If for example, a triggered person becomes abusive or violent, a different approach may be necessary).

* I believe that if everyone assumed they have a level of unhealed wounding or trauma in their past and made it a priority to address even just some of it, the positive impact that would have on the quality of life on this planet, for everyone, would be profound. Healed people heal people.

* A recent journal entry: As a result of the healing work I’ve been doing over the past year, experiences which used to triggered a strong negative emotional response or a bound up sense of resistance, are now arriving more like newborn seeds landing on the fertile soil of a freshly scorched landscape, making way for growth, opportunity, potential, boundless expression, and new life. The way I see and interact with challenges is radically changing. I witness their nature rather with less attachment and resistance. Gratitude is becoming a default, and not dependent on things feeling “good” for it to show up. I have greater depths of compassion for others, and myself, even when they are acting out of unhealed wounding or trauma. I take things less personally. I spend more time in states of love and possibility and less time in states of fear. I see others and myself more clearly, with less unhealed wounding clouding my view. Far less of my mind is hijacked, unconsciously scanning for potential threat (a leftover coping mechanism that had been running since childhood), leaving far more mental capacity for being present. I am more consistently resourced. I contribute more. I listen more. And the more I heal, the more I want to help others do the same.

Some of the healing modalities I’ve done in the last year:
– Somatic Experiencing
– Yoga Nidra
– Holotropic Breathwork
– Neurofeedback Therapy
– Shaman led 5meo DMT Journeys
– Transformational Chairwork
– NLP
– Reparenting
– Boundaries Exercise
– Date with Destiny (Tony Robbins)
– PTSD and trauma release counseling
– EMDR (have not yet tried, but plan to)

Some of the books recently read:
– “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie,
– “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller,
– “Facing Codependence” by Pia Mellody
– “Attached” by Walter Dixon and Amir Levine
– “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk
– “Mans Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl
– “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix
– “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem” by Nathaniel Brandon
– “Conscious Loving” by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks
– “The Truth” by Neil Strauss
– “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach
– “The Surrender Experiment” by Michael Singer
– “Learning to Love Yourself” by Gay Hendricks
– “Loving Yourself Advanced Program” by Gay Hendricks
– “Awaken the Giant Within” by Tony Robbins
– “Creating Lasting Change” by Tony Robbin

Bottom Pictures! Judy attends Tony Robbins’s “Date with Destiny” for a second or third time and is healed (but she still couldn’t get off her raft ass to finish BOOK):

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Updated: Ali Shanti Is A Sexual Predator #itwasme

The old raunch has been having a field day with the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Isn’t she SO BRAVE?

#itwasme

Yesterday, I shared my #metoo story and so many of you responded with such love and compassion, thank you.

Today, I share something that feels much harder. And I hope you will not only bring the same love and compassion to me, but to all those who are sexual transgressors and acknowledge their actions and blindness.

It is through this love and compassion that we can all learn, grow and evolve.

It is through this open sharing that we can change things for future generations.

I have crossed sexual boundaries, of both women and men, unconsciously, with lack of awareness and without consent.

I have crossed my own sexual boundaries.

I didn’t understand the impact of my actions. And I wonder how many people felt hurt or confused (or just icky) because of the way I handled my sexuality.

I have grabbed people’s asses without consent, commented on parts of their body, and said sexually suggestive things.

A past boyfriend called it “leaky sexual energy” and I had no idea what he was talking about. I understand now.

I always thought it was welcome. And now, I realize I am not so sure. Because I didn’t ask. I just did it. And maybe it was welcome because I am a woman, but maybe not.

And, how can we women lead the revolution if we continue to allow the masculine parts of ourselves to perpetrate against the feminine both inside and outside of ourselves.

It does feel confusing, even as I write this because I want my sexuality to be welcome.

On top of that, it often did appear to be welcome. And in many cases, I have been celebrated for what seemed to be a comfort with the open display of my sexuality.

I can only imagine how confusing it is for the men.

I’m also aware of the way in which our hiding and shame (and shaming) creates immense pain and conflict that keeps us (and has kept me) from fully doing the work we have been called here to do.

And, in some ways, I can also see that THIS is our work.

Taking full ownership for our actions, asking for forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves, so we may forgive others, seems to be the path forward.

So today, I say #itwasme and ask for your forgiveness and your compassion and your love. Not just for me, but for all those who will come forward and claim the ways in which we behaved with blindness.

If you would like to understand more about the roots of this collective pain, I suggest you read Katie Freiling’s post, in which she writes so clearly about the cause and effect we are all experiencing.

Sexual shame, self-punishment, hiding, rebellion, self-worth, self-hatred, powerlessness, rejection, and ultimately a deep sense of not belonging.

Katie shares that the solutions are “to reframe affection and touch and normalize non-sexual affection again.”

She says “It’s time to reprogram ourselves collectively to remember that we are intrinsically worthy, lovable, and that we Belong.

It’s time to learn about healthy communication and emotional intelligence… how to tune in to what we’re feeling, how to communicate our needs, and listen and empathize with the needs of others.

It’s time to heal… to understand, hear, feel, and empathize with the pain of sexual abuse and trauma (our own pain and the pain of others), without letting guilt stop us.

And it’s time to forgive the predators. Because it’s always hurt people who hurt people.”

I agree. <3

Thanks for the 57,368th confession, Skankatron. Were you one of Julia Allison’s “expert” advisors when she was appearing on “Miss Advised”? Your participation might explain her wildly aggressive, inappropriate behavior towards the men on the show. I’ve found just reading about your sexual kinks has made me feel icky. Here’s hoping you, Julia, Harvey, and Marc Gafni get the help you so desperately need. #pleasurablereprogramming #tocatchawoopredator

For God’s sake, man, don’t go in the door!

Update: She just doesn’t know when to quit, especially when she’s getting attention. Paris truther and general asshat Elijah Ray put the old raunch up to this?

I’ve seen a few of the men in my feed ask the question, what would you like to hear from the men in response to the #metoo’s that are coming out across Facebook.

Here’s my response.

I do not want to hear I’m sorry, though I’m sure many women will.

Personally, I find “I’m sorry” to be empty and devoid of meaning. What are you sorry for? That’s what I want to hear. And most importantly, I want to hear what you learned.

Don’t apologize to me. Tell me you’ve learned something!

I want to hear “I’m responsible, and here’s how.”

Here’s what I did. #itwasme
And here’s why I did it.
I didn’t know.
I didn’t understand.
I didn’t get it.
I was blind and now I see a bit more.

Then, if you want to ask for forgiveness and compassion, please do. But don’t tell me “I’m sorry.”

Artie Egendorf and Booster Blake each posted beautiful examples of this today. Daniel Pinchbeck yesterday. Thank you, men. I welcome links to other examples to be shared here in the comments.

I welcome hearing this from the women too. I want to hear your #itwasme story as well. I shared my example because we cannot overlook the ways our internal masculine has also transgressed the feminine, our own, and others.

There is no blame or shame here. Just deep appreciation for the surfacing of these shadows so we can all learn, grow and evolve.

This is why we are here. To understand and care for each other through all the pain of growth and learning.

Thank you brother Elijah Ray for asking and prompting this inquiry. And to those of you as well who have messaged me privately.

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Updated: A Donkey In Bali (On Somebody Else’s Dime)

Is Ryan Allis paying, now that she’s part of his harem?

Tho thprithual!

Meanwhile, T.S. Eliot has never been so abused:

OMG! Christine Kelly likes the new Bottom Picture, also Judy’s new FB cover fauxto. Sisters again?

Update: Presented without comment.

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Tiny&Cute Compares Rain Phutureprimitive To Harvey Weinstein

Caeli La’s 2 cents:

After reading the Weinstein victims’ stories, I’m feeling called to write an in-depth article examining the abuses of power and systematic objectification of / devaluation of women in the music industry.

Such as when my ex-boyfriend’s manager, upon learning that we were in a relationship, called him up just to say “so, now that you guys are together, does this mean you’re not going to focus on making music and touring as much anymore?” … his manager didn’t know me at all. It wasn’t personal. He simply intended to plant the idea that being in a relationship might hold him back from his path to stardom. He was this manager’s biggest client, and the manager didn’t want anything to threaten the availability / marketability / money-making ability of his cash cow. Everyone, no matter what their job is, should be freely allowed to have a romantic relationship. It would not be normal in any other industry for a manager to suggest to his client that being in love will detract from their success. In my experience, girls in the scene are generally treated by industry people as either a reward for getting fame and money, or a distraction from getting fame and money.

ALL humans need more than money and fame and status. You can have those things in droves and you will, without a doubt, be miserable if you don’t have genuine loving relationships and real connection.

All of my ex’s friends were professionally and/or personally benefitting from him in some way. They all worked in the same niche scene, and relied heavily on his rising star for their own success. As a result, he said all kinds of things that most people would not get away with. He didn’t have any real friends to keep him in check. One time, he held back tears as he told me about how all his friends treat him differently now. That is the problem with power. It’s so easy to become insulated inside a bubble of sycophants and fans. There is a great article about how this literally causes brain damage (link in comments).

He became emotionally and verbally abusive when challenged, and would say things that were very similar to Harvey Weinstein’s threats. “I’ll put you on blast,” “I’ll get you banned from festivals,” etc. He tried to use his power and influence to control me whenever I pushed back. I strongly believe that if any of his “friends” / associates / collaborators ever held him accountable for his bullying behavior, it would not run so rampant. I believe Harvey Weinstein could and should have been stopped by the people around him. There are several people who witnessed the abuse by my ex, who even acknowledged to me that it was abusive, who still continued to be his sycophants, apparently because they didn’t want to lose such a “valuable” connection.

Or what about the time I was all set up with another girl to interview Borgore, and when we arrived, his PR person asked us to do the interview topless? My response was to refuse to take off my giant jacket for the entire interview. The producer later yelled at me for this. Also, right after the interview, a woman slipped a letter to Borgore, explaining the ways his music / messaging was harmful to women. He THREW A DAMN FIT, no exaggeration, going absolutely ballistic until the other interviewer and I began comforting him to calm him down. I still feel ashamed for playing into that bullshit, and going into the culturally conditioned nurturing-accommodating-pleasing mode that I have always understood to be the role of the female, even directly after feeling so objectified and offended by him. Within a minute of meeting me, he asked why I was wearing an “ugly hippie shirt.” Google “negging” if you don’t already know what that means.

Or that time one of my ex’s closest friends kicked everyone out of the green room by saying “get out unless you’re either a DJ, or fucking a DJ,” and the 3 of us girls who were standing together, who were all dating DJ’s that were performing that night, froze. Do we stay in the room and therefore be labelled as those who were “fucking a DJ,” or do we leave the room just to preserve some shred of dignity? I went to the bathroom and started hyperventilating.

If you are in the orbit of someone with fame and/or money, and you recognize them acting in ways that wouldn’t normally be acceptable, but are normalized and accepted by the people around them because of their status, please do the right thing and speak up.

One day soon, I will write about all my experiences with systematic sexism in the music industry, and the macrocosmic issues they reflect. There are, unfortunately, way too many of these experiences to share in a FB post. I will write about them fully, vulnerable and brave, no longer scared of the backlash. And that is how I take my power back.

We can’t wait to read Tiny&Cute’s Rain tell-all, especially the chapters on faux feminist Donkey Allison, the EDM home wrecker groupie from hell.

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Crusading Feminist Julia Allison Is Furious About Harvey Weinstein’s Crimes & Misdemeanors

Because, For Fuck’s Sake writes:

So in my FB feed, JA is on a rampage of angry liking articles against Harvey Weinstein. Ummmm, don’t all of these women basically preach letting men dominate them sexually? I mean if they aren’t preaching it with their words, they’re acting out the behavior of the most submissive and non-feminist group of women I’ve ever seen. So gross.

JA, if you’re reading this – seriously check yourself and your friends. You’re all huge contributors to rape culture.

Harsh, Because! Just because bi-in-name-only Julia makes out with all the girls for all the boys, just because Julia wanted child rapist Marc Gafni to officiate her wedding to herself (he did end up saying something at those comic nuptials), just because Tucker Max spent $1700 to give our burro “a good raping,” which Donkey found hilarious, and just because Julia’s “career” now consists of “dancing” on stage in scanty attire while her loser dj boyfriend plays the same soporific set he’s been playing for the last 10 years is no reason to charge Julia Allison Baugher and her etheral goddess friends with contributing to rape culture. Sheesh!

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