A Pleasurable, If Somewhat Dusty, Woo “Goddess” Roundup!

As Cryptic Burro has been silent, other than leaving notes on I LOVE YOU RAIN!!’s wall that remain unanswered, I thought we’d check in with some of the other goddesses in their own hive mind.

crownofthorns

Jena la Flamme attended a “mistressmind” retreat in San Francisco with the usual suspects – Shanti, Jennifer Russell, Annie Tralala, Misha Noodley – and came home so invigorated that she made more pointless headgear:

Our crowns symbolize the fertility of Spring, not only as in literal biological reproduction, but also as reinvention, rejuvenation, and creative refreshment.

We made them by hand, with natural materials and a little wire and floral tape. My first attempts fell apart and humbly I persisted until I found a willing method and size.

By wearing these crowns we remind ourselves that we are queens and kings of our own existence. Our crowns are a call to walk with courage, dignity and healthy pride.

‪#‎pleasurableliving‬ ‪#‎pleasurablenature‬ ‪#‎pleasurablestyle‬ ‪#‎springtime‬ ‪#‎jenalaflamme‬ ‪#‎eroticinnocence‬ ‪#‎somethimgiswaking‬up

What a pointless existence!

closeyermaw

Meanwhile, over in Nishaville, she felt – brace yourself! – low self-esteem:

I called my friend Kavita yesterday afternoon and said “I’m having a low self-esteem day.”

She listened; I talked. She talked; I listened. We shared the ways we were each feeling strong and connected, and the ways we were each feeling fragile and disconnected.

Through connecting with each other, everything softened into love, and we connected more deeply to ourselves.

Giving ourselves the listening, love and compassion we need is the ultimate. And, sometimes we remember the essential truth of love more quickly
through the listening, love and compassion of another.

We forgive ourselves.
We make amends.
We send love in every direction.

And we remember…

I am easy to love.
We are all easy to love.
Because we are love.
And love loves love.

Can this woman go to the greg damn bathroom by herself? I will never understand why some of you cut her any slack.

turkeythreesome

Finally, Ali Shanti returned from mistressmind and went to Arizona for an Edenic Transcendence retreat, where she and Colby Collins no doubt hustled more woo newbies into the sheets. When Ali finally returned to Boulder, she experienced DEEP THOUGHTS about motherhood. Maybe that poor kid will break away yet from the old raunch?

I was really resistant to the idea of my kid getting a job. I had this idea that I wanted her to get started on the entrepreneur path ASAP.

I had started working at restaurant jobs at 14 and didn’t come to entrepreneurship (reluctantly) until after law school and a few years of practice.
I thought she could learn from me, skip the job route and go straight into business and get a huge head start.

But she wanted the job, perhaps in rebellion to my wishes for her to start a business (individuation is so important).

So she went out and found one at the local bagel shop.

And it’s so good.

I’m remembering that there is a huge value to the experience of minimum wage/restaurant jobs.

She’ll come to entrepreneurship, if she does, with a far broader spectrum of experience.

And she’s already started to consider how she can make more money, seeing that minimum wage isn’t enough to live on.

Her creativity and motivation is sparked to a far greater degree than it was when I was overly encouraging and supporting her to explore business ideas without having had the experience of the $300 paycheck for two weeks of nearly full time work.

Remember when you were an actual attorney, Ali, and weren’t on the grift? Maybe you can leave your daughter out of your schemes? And what the fuck does it even mean to want your child to be an entrepreneur, anyway?

Is hula hooper Michael “Rainbow” Haynes still in the picture? No mention of him in weeks, though we did see a new profile picture. Poseidon Adventure, anyone? I call dibs on playing Carol Lynley!

poseidonadventure

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Updated, Now With Rain: Down Donkey Lane, In Which Our Burro Clomps Past Security, Crashes Private Parties

lesbianporn

Julia Allison has been waxing nostalgic about her sordid past, commenting on fauxtos she posted back in 2008. Dusty Documentary Series writes:

For newbies:

The swimsuit shot was taken during Randi’s [Zuckerberg] bachelorette weekend in Vegas. Which Julia crashed. From what I recall, she hadn’t known Randi long. She dragged one of her NonSociety “business partners” with to Vegas and surprised her, dinosaur style.

Julia gave Randi the swimsuit as a gift, describing it as “Bridal White.” She wore an identical white swimsuit herself. Then she and Randi posed by the pool. I cannot imagine how appalled Randi’s friends must have been.

Were they as appalled as the unfortunate celebrities who ended up in Donkey fauxto ops at the (crashed) White House Correspondents Dinner? The smug is off the fucking charts.

warcrimes

Julia snuggles up to warmonger Henry Kissinger. Give her a ring, you old dog! You won’t believe what she’ll do on that second date!

injectables

Donkey & Donatella Versace swap horror stories of injectables.

publicpolicydonkey

Colin Powell discusses military policy with our favorite burro. “Yes, I’m in 100% agreement with you about … what invasion were we talking about?”

pieceofass

Donkey runs into Alexander Marquardt, who’ll bang her on a friend’s couch and leave in the morning. You’ll always have DC, Julia!

kissyface

The actual caption in the Washington Post: “Julia Allison with Clinton press secretary Philippe Reines the night of the 2007 White House Correspondent’s Association dinner, which she crashed.”

What I remember best about Donkey crashing the WHCD comes courtesy of two dear friends who were catty-corner from her room at the Hilton. One of those friends turned into Pavlov when watching Our Miss Julie “jog” on the hotel’s track. Julie wasn’t really jogging but was sort of hopping about while craning her neck from right to left to see if anyone was watching her. “Pavlov” stared at Julie and nodded when they made eye contact. Julie beamed and actually jogged for about 45 seconds before the hopping and the head craning began again in earnest. “Pavlov” kept on staring and nodding; Julie kept looking up and jogging for 45 seconds; and on and on and on until my friend became bored and went to go hang with Stephen Colbert and his mother. Suck on that, Donkey!

Update: Donkey posted this Bette Midler video along with “xo” on Rain PhuturePhuckPhace’s FB wall. What’s next for our favorite balding middle-aged DJ? A video of Julia lip synching to “The Little Mermaid”?

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Donkey Will Be Having A BM This Year

jackasses2

Hmmm … so which of you am I going to wrangle into Burning Man this year??

The benevolent but mostly unyielding (yet self-aware!) peer pressure begins. wink emoticon

learningdisabledsisters

Isn’t Donk inviting Dadser? After all, Peter Baugher is the one who pays for his beast of burden to attend these smelly, druggy circle jerks, while she spends three years pretending to work on BOOK and make the booger family proud.

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Updated, Now With “Potentially Controversial Stance”: Wacky Aunt Julia Wants Your Babies, Mulls Harvard Square Restaurant Job

scarybabysitter

Donkey and her open maw pose with the kid of yet another SF DJ. Be very afraid:

This baby is medicine for the light.

Not surprising, given her epic parents. I love you, Ryan Lucero & Nicole Cronin! Thank you for letting me cuddle her for an hour … more please!

jerb

On a less upsetting note, could Donkey be looking for a jerb?

Spotted at my new favorite restaurant in Harvard Square.

What if all restaurants were as healthy and inspiring? What if all hiring practices looked like … THIS?

That’s the world I want to live in … #ReimagineYourWorld

Cc: (Jess Johnson, Nadia Mufti, Ryan Allis, Jeff Scult, Justin Baraglia)

My mistake, Donkey. You don’t actually want to work at this restaurant. You just want to dine there while others work under conditions that make you feel less guilty about forever dining out on your Daddy’s dime.

You’re not really living with Dead Russian Hooker #2, are you, Mulia? Because she’s nuttier than a fruitcake.

Updates!

Donkey wants to take off her Love sweatshirt and romp with Dead Russian Hooker #2 (her new roomie?) in the desert:

Potentially controversial stance of the day: it should be a human right to sunbathe naked in nature … Everyday. ‪#‎ReimagineYourWorld‬

donkey and sissy spacek

Not sure if this has already been mentioned, but a cat peep pointed me towards a new photo on Rain Phuture PhuckPhace’s wall. Behold the new purple prince!

rain fuck face

I only want to see you laughing in the…
— with Rain Phutureprimitive.

From the comments:

Julia Maryanska Wow! Wonder photo!

Julia Allison I’m a good photographer when the subject is gorgeous. wink emoticon

Julia Maryanska Seriously! 😉

I LOVE & OWN YOU RAIN!!

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Où Est La Donkey?

roadtripdonkey

Julia Allison has been hush-hush about her current stall locale – no LOLyer transparency here – since being evicted from the flat that she and Nehi used to share near the OMG! Palace of Fine Arts. Though Donkey coyly told “friends” not to reveal her whereabouts, fauxtos seem to indicate our girl is in Chicago. But last night she posted about Camp Grounded and invited her thousands of fans in the ‘stans to join her “here in Mendicino.” Can Donkey not spell the name of the city in which she currently might be clomping and braying, perhaps temporarily?

In the last 12 hours, Donkey’s Camp Grounded Digital Detox post has received three likes – one from Wali Rahman’s stealth account – and one two-word comment. Is no one interested in doing time in Mendocino with “the exuberant embodiment of love”?

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