Donk’s Wedding Day Finally Dawns

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After about 20 years spent plotting and scheming to one day land a big, ostentatious, cheesy white wedding by marrying a dude,  preferably a wealthy one willing to pay with the rest of his life, Donk is FINALLY getting married today.

To herself. Because who the hell else would have her?

We have enlisted spies and are hoping those spies send images and video as soon as possible. However, there is no judgment in Black Rock City, except for the widespread judgment of anyone with an Internet connection, so fingers crossed, BITCHES (EDS: Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Don’t say BITCHES on RBD — or anywhere else. I am reporting you.)

Feel the joy, angry type-A haters! We are finally getting our wedding!

 

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Misty Water-Colored Memories of a Donkey’s First Burning Man

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Who could possibly forget when she popped her Burning Man cherry in 2011 by flashing her ass just months after frantically attempting to convince the McCains that she was good Republican housewife material until, of course, Guam tore apart the Greatest Love Ever Known by making marriage utterly impossible until Pancakes married someone else a year later?

For some reason our photo gallery of the madness contains dead photos, but here is Guest of a Guest’s, the site she claimed never to have heard of even though she was a constant target for years and often emailed rage-filled missives to the site she’d … ahem … never heard of.

 

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As Donk Goes Silent at OMG Burning Man OMG As She Prepares For Her ‘Wedding,’ Let’s Imagine What She’ll Crowd-Source Upon Her Return

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Here’s my contribution. Add yours in the comments! Winner gets a prize of a wish box, an ice-cream coupon and some gently used fashion magazines.

“Does anyone in the San Francisco area have a really amazing, gluten-free, homeopathic doctor who specializes in … umm … burning warts off anuses gently and with a spiritual, loving and fully actualized approach? For an article I’m working on for the Economist!”

 

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Julia Allison Is A Writer & A Dancer Who Has Friends Who Write & Dance!

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Julia Allison has friends! Friends like the misguided journo Nick Bilton, who needs to read the most thoughtful, beautiful, accurate, and non-tropey-like piece ever written about Julia’s desert oasis. She didn’t ruin Burning Man, people!

“A Must Read. One of the most thoughtful, beautifully explained – and most importantly – ACCURATE articles I have ever read about Burning Man. I’m weary of the old trope, espoused most recently by my friend Nick Bilton in the NYT, about wealthy people “ruining” the event; it’s far from the reality I’ve experienced there. I’m so grateful Dustin shared his unique perspective.”

https://medium.com/i-m-h-o/radical-inclusion-vs-radical-self-reliance-at-burning-man-b6ab7a2a8321

Julia Allison has even more friends! Friends like newly single Jena la Flamme, who will question, shatter, and re-inscribe female stereotypes in an earth shattering interpretive dance that promises to rival Nijinky’s Rite of Spring! Oh the ART, oh the CREATIVITY!

“Announcing my dance performance on the playa this week.
I’m performing in a piece called, “ReFrame: Female Stereotypes Become Feminine Archetypes,” at the epic Camp Mystic party on Wednesday night at 10pm (3.45 & E).

“This is in collaboration with the fabulous Stacey Morgenstern, Jennifer Russell, Ali Shanti, Jess Johnson, Nisha Moodley, LiYana Silver and Julia Allison. Come one, come all! This will be an eye-opening show not to be forgotten.”

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Rumi Fangirl & Former Nixon Speechwriter Swoons Over Beloved, Courageous Daughter’s Latest Media Stunt … Or Does She?

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Robin Booger would prefer that her certifiably insane daughter wed herself rather than a fantastic son of Wilmette’s most powerful moms? That seems odd, as does the relatively level-headed ghost writer’s sudden love of Rumi.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Mom
Date: Thu, Aug 21, 2014 at 8:28 PM
Subject: Re: Julia’s Wedding to Herself!!
To: Julia Allison
From my favorite poet on love, Rumi:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi
and from an unknown author:
“Peace…it does not mean to to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
These are two signposts on the journey to self-love it may be well to take with you.
Julia, you are my beloved daughter, and I am so proud of your courage, independence and creativity! You are truly an artist.
Have the most beautiful, exuberant and wonderfully fun wedding ever in the desert at Burning Man.
FOREVER LOVE,
Momser”

Per Sacred Scrapbooks:

Her mother must have a special edition of her “favorite poet on love” Rumi, since that quote is a fake that circulates in self-help books and woo sites. It originated in a book by a nutcase who thought that Jesus spoke through her.

Julia seems to own the same special edition of Rumi:https://twitter.com/JuliaAllison/status/291289201343864832

Is Julia trying to convince the potential show-runner that her parents support this stunt and will sign releases? And then in the event a show happens, she thinks she’ll have plenty of time to browbeat them into appearing?

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