Poor Billow

Just imagine the shitshow of a speech Donk is going to deliver. Lecturing, self-important, faux intellectual, smug spewings of woo-woo shite. It’s a good thing she’s marking up the page while lying on the beach. She sure is special.

1411226587202screencapture

Posted in Uncategorized | 41 Comments

Toilet Julia Wrote This

10641085_10203620247040882_3515490972570888131_nWhen my former roommate Julia Allison asked me to be her bridesmaid, my first thought was YES! The second was – wait, I didn’t even know she was dating someone. It turns out — she wasn’t. She was completely single, there were no lovers in the picture (past or present), and this girl was all about putting a ring on it. I was confused.

Almost two years ago, I moved to LA to not only live with Julia, but to co-star on her BRAVO Reality Show, “Miss Advised.” On the show, Julia consistently expressed how badly she wanted to get married and even came up with a 73-point checklist that “Mr. Right” would have to match if he wanted a chance to turn Miss Allison into a Mrs. whatever his last name was. The show was about dating experts and it portrayed Julia’s frustration that came from being able to give great advice to others (homegirl was once on the cover of Wired’s How To issue, which was one of the highest selling issues to come out…ever), but struggling to find The One for herself, especially with the whole world watching her.

When we lived together, Jules was more of a cardigan and pearls kind of gal who loved huge girly dresses, tu-tus, and bright colors. Since she was 8-years-old, she dreamed about a traditional wedding with a massive white dress and all of the standard ceremony rituals. So you can imagine my surprise when her wedding invitation (with the above photo) showed up in my Facebook event invites. It was a Burning Man wedding of self love and the celebration was about feeling completely whole as ONE without needing another to fill a void or make her happy. I went from confusion to intrigue, from intrigue to understanding, and finally from understanding to feeling completely inspired.

But it wasn’t until the actual wedding day that I fully got it. As I was sitting on stage with the other bridesmaids, all extremely feminine and powerful women — each representing a color of the rainbow and speaking about two virtues that embodied them as a Goddess — I listened to the messages each woman shared with the crowd. They ranged from grace and inner strength, to compassion and courage, all with focus on the power that comes from within. In true Julia fashion, she shared her own story with wit and humor, weaving the bridesmaids’ messages into the whole point of why she was marrying herself in the first place. She wanted to love herself passionately, madly, deeply; the way you love your soul mate. She wanted to look in the mirror and see her own eyes light up the way they did when she was looking into the eyes of a man she loved.

The entire crowd was filled with tears. It was such a different experience — to celebrate the commitment of a woman proclaiming that she would dedicate her life to loving herself every day and requesting that her friends and family hold her to that commitment. Rather than trying to fit each partner into her 73-point checklist, Julia wanted to break free and learn how to love without the attachment of whether or not someone was enough to be her husband. After all, how can you find a truly healthy relationship when you aren’t enough for yourself? Sure — most of us want to find our lifelong companion, but think of how many people in happy relationships will tell you that they met their person when they weren’t looking, when they were happy being alone. Alone doesn’t have to equal lonely, in fact, being alone can be one of the most beautiful experiences if we allow it to be.

Julia is currently writing a book about happiness and her quest to get there. You can find out more on her website by clicking here. And remember, before you can put anyone else’s oxygen mask on, you’ve got to make sure yours is on first. Before you can give in any way, you’ve got to give to and love yourself. Julia gave such an incredible gift to everyone who witnessed her ceremony; she reminded us to fall deeply in love with who we are so that we can fully share that with whomever else we want to share it with. Now that’s one heck of a gift if you ask me!

I jokingly asked Julia if she would divorce herself when she finally did meet the person she wanted to spend her life with. She just laughed — full belly, joyful laughter — and said, “Well you know, I suppose I’m in what you would call an open marriage,” and with a wink and a smile, she melted my heart.

Here’s a link to the post. And just because…

Posted in Uncategorized | 70 Comments

UPDATE: Donk Says Her Book Isn’t Even Due Til December, Dear

Screenshot_2014-07-23-22-29-58

Someone in publishing sent her a PAID email, forwarding her our post on the St. Martin’s spring catalogue, and asked what was up.

Her reply, dear:

“I don’t click on these links dear. But my book isn’t being published in the spring because it’s not even due until dec 1. Thanks for checking in!”

UPDATE: The sheer GALL of anyone asking what is up with the spring release of her book! As the beloved Sacred Scrapbooks and other commenters pointed out, it’s not as though she’s been claiming ALL OVER THE INTERNET that it’s coming out in the spring.

Where did people get the crazy idea that her book would be out next Spring?

Oh, from the bio she gave to UPenn in February: “Julia Allison, 32, is a nationally recognized journalist, relationship expert, public speaker, former BRAVO star and 2008 WIRED cover girl. She is currently at work writing her first book, Experiments in Happiness, to published Spring 2015 by St. Martin’s Press.”

http://writing.upenn.edu/wh/calendar/0214.php#5

Or was it the bio she gave to SXSW in March? “Julia Allison, 32, is a nationally recognized journalist, relationship expert, public speaker, former BRAVO star, Georgetown grad & 2008 WIRED cover girl. She is currently at work writing her first book, “Experiments in Happiness,” to published Spring 2015 by St. Martin’s Press.”
http://schedule.sxsw.com/2014/events/event_IAP22602

It’s also on her Linked In and Google Plus pages. Dear.

Posted in Uncategorized | 220 Comments

No Sign of Donkey Book In St. Martin’s Press Spring Catalogue

SMP_Spring-2015_07_2014

And, in fact, no sign of Donkey anywhere on the site.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 4.50.14 PM

Posted in Uncategorized | 148 Comments

Oh. My. God.

1410820307983screencapture

So my partner in lovership, who has long stopped following the donkey because it had become “too sad,” just saw this on her FB and shouted out, John McEnroe style, “YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!!”

The obvious madness, the deranged look on her face, the litany of posts after announcing she was quitting Facebook, the high-larious outfit, the spastic dance moves that are obviously spastic even though it’s a still photo, fucking all of it — it is very how fuck.

Posted in Uncategorized | 305 Comments