Lonely Teen Is Lonely But Vows Not To Date Until Her St. Martin’s Contract Is Fulfilled Or Until Hell Freezes Over

white whore

Julia Allison is ronery, so ronery, and writing her book (ha, ha, ha). But she can’t stop discussing (mostly with herself) “romance.”  From the first of FIVE posts, this one cribbing from the old raunch herself, Ali Shanti:

I haven’t really “started dating” officially yet – if you can believe it. I’m waiting until my book is finished (so that means February or March, earliest) … but I realize that the world of dating I will re-enter actually feels like a very different world from the one I left when I left New York in 2010, really the last time I actively dated in the real world (dating on a reality tv show is not dating, my friends. It’s acting.) I’m nervous and excited, actually. I am so different than I was then, and San Francisco feels so different than New York (or, shudder, LA). I sense great possibilities. And yet, as I read this article in Thought Catalog this morning, I feel into the truth of this infinite paradox of choice. When will we be satisfied? It’s a topic I’m excited to delve into more deeply in 2015.


“We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.”


WTF? That poor damn dog! And no, I do not want to cuddle with those pelts, that gaping maw, that wide stance!

fuck me

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22-Year-Old Julia Allison Hates Having To Be A Responsible Adult!

taylor donkey

If any 30something friend of mine posted such baby girl nonsense, they’d be a friend no more:

How many people have renter’s insurance? Have you ever had to use it? Are there best practices? Do you take photos of each of your individual items and catalog them? That seems like a huge pain in the ass.

I just signed up for a year long renter’s insurance policy with Geico for $360 … which feels expensive to me, probably because I’ve literally just spent thousands of dollars on various insurance (car, health, vision, etc) over the last two weeks, and it’s starting to grate on me. Do I really need renter’s insurance???

I get it, I get it, responsible adults get insurance … but, ugh, it just feels endless.

Any thoughts?

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Somehow I Missed This Sad Cry For Avocado Love

Try to grit your teeth and get through this post if only to see her pathetisad comment, completely ignored. Oh honey. He’s just not, and never was, that into you.



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Updated: Because Who Else Would Invite Her? / The Donkey of Braymas Past at the OMG! University Club

home sweet

Home for the Holibrays!  Jesus, Julia, must you always refer to your poor sibling as “Little Brother,” like he’s some retard in a John Steinbeck novel?

I got an envelope in the mail yesterday with a single folded piece of paper … My dad had found this in some magazine, clipped it, and written the cutest message on the top. Awwww. Totally unexpected and ridiculously sweet. Especially after last year, which was the first Christmas in my LIFE that I didn’t spend with my Mom, Dad and little brother. I won’t let that happen again anytime soon …

Why yes, Dad & Mom, I will visit you for Christmas! There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.

And how often can one really say that??

‪#‎MerryChristmas‬ ‪#‎HomefortheHolidays‬


Julie throws on a shawl & channels Nutty Granny Money Bags.

little person

Little people need Christmas kisses, too!


Yoo hoo, Avocado, I’m under the mistletoe! Yoo hoo? Avocado? Devin? Toph? [Redacted]? Randi? Anybody?!?!

Five people have liked this fauxto: Nikoloz Basilaia, Angelos Siliafis, Alfonso Alejandro Enriquez Delgadillo, Ding Ling, and الوتر الحزين.

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Fifth Grader Julia Allison Aces “Word” Assignment in Mrs. Shanti’s Homeroom

leapdonkey dance

So much time on her hands! Posting fauxtos of jackass moves at Billow’s reception and offering condescending guidelines for choosing one’s 2015 Word, because everyone should do what Julia is doing.  Just ask Mary Rambin!  Hey, how are your New Year’s resolutions coming along?

What is your word for 2015?

I’ve found that when I start considering what I want to call in for the next year at the beginning of December, I have an entire month to reflect, which makes “New Years Resolutions” far more accurate, powerful and insightful.

I also like to choose a word for the year, a word that will govern my experience. 2014 was MAGIC, and I got that in spades. 2015 I’m calling in BALANCE.

The way I found my word was by writing – auto-writing (that is, not thinking too much) – all of the words for what I wanted .. And feeling into each of them. What encompassed them all? What did I really need more of in my life? As I was writing, BALANCE jumped out at me, and whoosh! I knew it was the one.

I suggest going through this process yourself – it’s quite satisfying. And write your word in the comments – when you speak it out loud you allow others to hold it for you as their intention – expanding its power!


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