Stoner Rainbow Allison Finds Brilliance In Hollywood Idiocy

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A third Facebook post praising insulated, dumbass La La Land brats Jaden and Willow Smith when everyone with two brain cells to rub together is laughing their asses off?

“I wanna transcend personality. I wanna transcend all of that and go into a higher state of being.” – Willow Smith

The Smith kids are my new heroes.

Like Julia Allison 100 years ago, the Malibu teen philosophers had a profile piece in the NYT’s embarrassing style section.

While other readers were chuckling, Donkey was swept away:

Um … holy S–T .. READ THIS. These “kids” (are they really kids? They seem like philosophers who time travelled into the bodies of mega-star teenage children) are waxing philosophical on some pretty intense stuff.

Willow is reading quantum physics and Jaden says things like “Your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think.”

um. I was not speaking like that at 16.

“What’s your job, what’s your career? Nah, I am. I’m going to imprint myself on everything in this world.” – Jaden Smith … um … getting pretty deep in a NYT interview.

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Julia also loved a video of grannies getting stoned for the first time – “YES TO THIS, just YES. YES!”  My 14-year-old nephew loved this, too.  Emotional maturity, thy name is Woo Donkey!

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Help Julia Allison Finish The Crappiness Project!

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Dumbass Donkey is done marveling over Hollywood teen philosophers Jaden & Willow Smith and is allegedly gearing up to fulfill her contract with St. Martin’s. Got a stall she could hunker down in to complete her magnum opus?

Does anyone have any recommendations for a place I can go in January to write in solitude – requirements: must be (very) WARM, quiet, beautiful, in nature, not too expensive (ideally), with health-filled food available. I can fly anywhere in the world and I would be there for 2-4 weeks.

I’m looking for SPECIFIC suggestions of eco-resorts or healing places or homes – not general countries (“go to Italy!”) … and ideally an island or a beach place. Not that interested in Europe.

Thank you!!!

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So What Did I Miss?

notebook 3Going back home and trying to make the entire visit about her and/or enforcing her idea of “fun” on innocent family members and posting it to Facebook? Check.

Mining her high school years for more fascinating tidbits about herself to post to Facebook? Check.

Invading her brothers’ privacy by posting photos of him as a child, and photos of his infant child, and whining about why they aren’t closer on Facebook? Check. (Also, asshole, did it ever occur to you that you’re not closer because you are an insane over-sharing braying loudmouth and he is a normal human being who values his privacy?)

Lilly still looking utterly miserable? Check.

More dead Granny morbidness? Check.

Face looking weird? Check!

Am I missing anything?

Also, if you’ve been “self-reflecting” about being a better person for almost 20 years, and you’re still an asshole, maybe you need to self-reflect about your method of self-reflection and GO TO A SHRINK AND GET ON MEDS?? Just a thought.

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Deep Thoughts From a Wistful Donkey

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Sometimes you just know what you know and must be courageous:

Steam rises off the lake this morning at my parents’ home before my mother drove me to O’Hare. No matter how many times I fly home – and there have been hundreds since I left at age 18 … I always feel the same way when I leave. An aching, a subtle sadness, a preemptive homesickness. “I wish you’d just get over the cold and move home,” my mom said as we hugged goodbye at the airport just minutes ago. But I won’t. This isn’t where I’m meant to be. And yet … Living with this knowledge – that (realistically) my family and I will always be separated – is like living with chronic heartbreak. It’s always there, even if it’s under the surface.

And yet, I’m so happy to head back to San Francisco, my new home, the place that I feel fits me better than any other I’ve lived. Such is life, this continual balancing of needs and desires, of reality and dreams, of what could be and what is.

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Julia Allison Is Channeling Norman Bates

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Wearing my grandmother’s sweater (and her coat, not shown) for my nephew’s baptism this morning. I wish she had been able to see this day … It would have filled her with great joy. She was certainly there in my heart.

Uh, hasn’t she also worn Nutty Granny Moneybags’ nightie?  This is starting to get a little creepy.  If Julia starts inveighing against multiculturalism and demanding the help don white gloves when serving Thanksgiving dinner at the OMG! University Club, we’ll know which personality has won.

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