Julia Allison, World’s Laziest Tween & Taylor Swift’s Biggest Fan, Has A Bee In Her Bonnet


Scoldy 12-year-old Donkey Is Scoldy:

The way we treat people in this world (in our society, in our media) is abhorrent. [Quoting Swifty]:

“I’ve had several upheavals in my career. When I was 18, they were like, “She doesn’t really write those songs.” So my third album I wrote by myself as a reaction to that. Then they decided I was a serial dater — a boy-crazy man-eater — when I was 22. And so I didn’t date anyone for, like, two years. And then they decided in 2016 that absolutely everything about me was wrong. If I did something good, it was for the wrong reasons. If I did something brave, I didn’t do it correctly. If I stood up for myself, I was throwing a tantrum. And so I found myself in this endless mockery echo chamber. … So I decided to just say nothing. It wasn’t really a decision. It was completely involuntary.

I thought about how words are my only way of making sense of the world and expressing myself — and now any words I say or write are being twisted against me. People love a hate frenzy. It’s like piranhas. People had so much fun hating me, and they didn’t really need very many reasons to do it. I felt like the situation was pretty hopeless. I wrote a lot of really aggressively bitter poems constantly. I wrote a lot of think pieces that I knew I’d never publish, about what it’s like to feel like you’re in a shame spiral. And I couldn’t figure out how to learn from it. Because I wasn’t sure exactly what I did that was so wrong. That was really hard for me, because I cannot stand it when people can’t take criticism. So I try to self-examine, and even though that’s really hard and hurts a lot sometimes, I really try to understand where people are coming from when they don’t like me. And I completely get why people wouldn’t like me. Because, you know, I’ve had my insecurities say those things — and things 1,000 times worse.”

Project much, Donkey? Geez Louise! How might Epictetus elucidate your and Swifty’s subject position?

Grown-Ass Woman Considers Taylor Swift Her Spiritual Guide


  1. Why, Gilly, why?? Why did you have to include a photo showing the 17 sizes too small “jorts” in all their satanic glory? They are my kryptonite. I felt a pang of panic when I saw the first pic, but then was relieved to see they were mostly covered by the incredibly charming and evolved sign. Then BAM, bottom picture stares me in the face. I need to go lie down and have some sips.

    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      Because that’s how she dresses all the time? It never gets any better than that

      • The world’s worst dresser. Eleven years running. She’s been a parody of a parody of a parody of herself again and again and again. She’s like her own Philip K. Dick novel.

  2. > People had so much fun hating me, and they didn’t really need very many reasons to do it.

    including confusing past and present tense, for example?

  3. I wasn’t sure exactly what I did that was so wrong

    Omg you’ve been reading this site for years. We illustrate your wrongness all the time. Want a diagram?

    I completely get why people wouldn’t like me


    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      To answer the 2nd q: she deluded herself into believing we’re all jealous haterz

      • No hate in my game. I could never hate on anyone who’s given me so many laughs over the years. The Donkey Allison Documentary Series has been funnier than all the episodes of “Frasier” combined.

      • They’re both #ProfessionalVictims but one has a work ethic and the other is donkey.

  4. She looks like a soccer mom who’s there with her kid. And those coochie cutters just gave me a yeast infection through my computer. Gotta admire how dedicated she is to popping her left shoulder, no matter when, no matter where, if there’s a camera in sight.

    • bottom picture: soccer mom who’s not cool enough to be allowed entry into the mosh pit. if ‘guest services’ (blue jacket) wasn’t seated directly by the gate, i’m sure she would have pushed her way in.

  5. This is because she read everyone shitting on her shitty writing a few days ago.

    She writes so much and it’s just so damaging she won’t dare share it with anyone. She must stay strong to keep it all locked up and in her heart shaped box, this world is not ready.

    Why won’t someone just love her, warts and all?

    As per John Legend to Donald Trump:

    “Imagine being privileged white female that dallies forth from suburban Chicago to San Francisco to Bali and spending your night hate-reading your own reblogging website hoping somebody — ANYBODY — will praise you. Mom, dad, boyfriend, please praise this woman. She needs you.”

    • I praised her for one of her most recent fauxtos, the one with her maw shut, though I felt dirty afterwards.

      The Enlightened Gilly

  6. I involuntarily like Taylor Swift songs. I’ll notice a new song, find myself enjoying the hook & then it hits me! It’s Taylor Swift! Dammit! Her stuff is infectious. She does have a talent and even though her parents were moneyed enough to get her the right connections, she is not a lazy lay-about. She took opportunities and ran with it, unlike Judy.

    • Also she has some of the cutest cats on the planet. I can never entirely hate on rich people who spend substantial gouts of cash on the very things I would spend my money on were I a rich person (fashion, antiques, cats — as long their choices align with my own aesthetic.)

      • She also handled that gropey asshole like a boss unlike Julia who would most likely have leaned into it because some loser with a radio show liked her ass enough to grab it.

        • Donkers would have set the record straight, with braggadocio, by braying about how much more of a handful her raft ass provided when grabbed, not unlike her correction that time of how much Tucker Max’s winning bid of date rape with her (by her?) went for.

    • She produces very catchy earworms.

      The other day the “haters gonna hate hate hate” song came on the radio while I was driving, and my 4-yr-old daughter said “I know that song”.

      She hasn’t heard it at home (Greg forbids!), but somehow the entertainment industrial complex got it into my child’s brain deep enough that she could recognize it.

      • God help me if I hear her December song. I think that’s what it’s called (“I go back to December all the time,”) because it earworms me so hard I’m tempted to poke my eardrums with chopsticks.

  7. FYI: Donk posted this crap six hours ago and has received one like, from Jack McCain’s LOLyer, and one laugh, from the ineffable Wali Rahman. That’s it.

  8. Boohoo Taylor Swift. It’s clear you don’t get enough attention or make enough money to suit the vapid inflated pop star ego you have.

    Fuck you.

    Same goes for you, Donkey. What the fuck do you do all day? You should have even 1/1000th of the work ethic or talent of even this mediocre and overrated little twit.

    • I don’t get the suffering pop star.

      Gaga is another example, every year she has a new “disease”: fibromyalgia, PTSD (from what???? too many zeros in your bank account??), unspecified eating disorders. If you can make it up, she has it.

      They are rich, famous and young but somehow manage to be unsatisfied with their lives, or at least try to project that image to their fans.

      Are they catering to a generation that values victim status? I miss the pop stars that were honest about how great it is to be rich and famous. (e.g. Madonna or Mick Jagger)

      • The most I’ve been exposed to Lady Gaga comes from ASiB, so I don’t know the backstory about her faking fibromyalgia and PTSD — what gives?

      • I can give Lady G a pass because she has mad talent. Taylor Swift is a piece of tweeny fluff who has an inflated view of her own worth.

        • Agree. I thought GaGa was great in A STAR IS BORN, though some friends gave me shit for liking her and the fourth version as much as I did.

        • Gaga has great outfits, but I know 17 drag queens that would do better if they had the same budget.

          Sorry, I don’t think she has any discernible talent.

          • She’s gone way beyond the outfits, that went on many years ago. Her voice is fabulous, she’s an excellent songwriter, she’s a talented and knowledgeable musician, and her acting in ASIB was fantastic.

          • Gaga is MAD talented, holy crap. She’s one of the few pop stars alive who deserves every single accolade and all of the dollars.

        • I thought I had heard that, actually.

          And Fibro is a real thing. I know people were skeptical about it for a long time (so was I). According to CMS, and WHO, and the FDA, it’s acknowledged as a real condition nowadays.

          What I used to hear about hear about her in the beginning, I just turned my ears off to her. But I really liked her In ASIB and I do think she’s a very talented singer.

        • I saw Gaga in concert, her voice is incredible (with no vocal track, all live) and she plays the piano. She is immensely talented IMO. Don’t really love “pop” music (I grew up in the 70’s) but respect her as a performer.

  9. She’s turning 39 years old soon and is still acting like an emotional stunted 14-year old posting Taylor Swift to feel deep. The funniest part to me is that Taylor Swift actually organized a coherent thought and presented it in a thoughtful, tangible way for her audience; something Julia can’t manage to do. No wonder Donk Stans her.

    I can’t WAIT until Donkey turns 40!! Just 1 year away! I know some of you are excited for WEDDING (will it ever happen?) But I am always more excited for BIRTHCRAY season. What will Birthcray Madness bring this year!

    From the archives:

    > INTERNET fame-whore Julia Allison is no feminist, and at the ripe old age of 27, she’s familiar with many forms of plastic surgery. The blogger was a last-minute no-show at the Lincoln Center premiere of the HBO documentary “Youth Knows No Pain,” but her wrinkles and laugh lines were on full display. Allison, who’s had her nose reduced and her breasts enlarged, and her ex-pal Mary Rambin are shown in the film being injected with Botox. “As a woman, I know I have an expiration date,” Allison declares. The doc, due on HBO in August, also fea tures Linda Wells and Simon Doonan.

    • She’s so thoroughly unlikable, horrifying, in that documentary. I’m convinced anyone who saw it became a cat peep for life, even if they never stumbled onto RBNS.

      • I am trying to think of one single thing she has appeared in that has made her seem anything but horrifically repellent. Even people who have been love bombed by her find her, in the end, unlikeable. Little Julia, Unhappy at Last.

    • So she DID have a symmetrical boob job — I did NOT know that it had ever been confirmed, but white headband, red-with-white polkadot fauxto certainly suggests it — and now those saggy tube sock titties suggest an explant.

      It’s crazy how much she brays about sugar, considering all the foreign substances she puts in her body.

    • I don’t think she ever had a boob job. I think she just learned the art of artificial enhancement using cutlets, tape, padded bras. I’m the same size and it’s pretty amazing how enhanced I can look with a little help. Then again, I also never believed in the calf implants either.

          • ::shrug:: I know. But I just can’t help it. I have dated guys who are serious cyclists, as in putting anywhere from 500 to 800 miles on their bike in a week’s time for weeks on end to train for their racing teams, etc., — between them and other biker legs I’ve seen in the last 30 years, all I’ve seen that compares to hers were, literally, an actual pair of calf implants. And that guy wasn’t sporting any skinny flab, either. But no matter; neither of us is going to change the other’s mind, so let’s just don’t, eh? With softness, of course. 😻

          • If we ever get to have coffee (which I would love!) I will show you some cubist calves that make Judy’s look willowy.

        • Do you think maybe the weight fluctuations for her might have contributed to the boob rumors? When she was eating lots of cupcakes, etc., and clearly had bigger butt and legs too? I didn’t see a lot of extra boob. Also maybe a result of BC pills?

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Sounds logical. Also, she was almost certainly using cutlets during her faux socialite/debutante days

      • I don’t think she got calf implants either.

        You can see in her childhood pics (published by herself, of course) that she already had big calves.

        Her face, on the other hand……….

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