Donk Is “Desperately” Missing “Magic” Bali

94
1341

OMG! OMG! The locals came to Donk’s rescue when she was boyfriendless on Valentine’s Day:

Missing Bali desperately, even as I love the home I’ve created here in SF.

A story about the puppy in my arms:

It’s Valentine’s Day 2018, and I’m at my home in Bali, reading some s–t about meditation or doing yoga or whatever other peaceful but exceedingly cliche white-person-in-Bali activity I was doing.

I’m enjoying myself thoroughly, mind you, when my Balinese friend Mira knocks at my door. She’s holding a medium sized bag in her hands, which she shoves into mine. A gift bag, to be specific.

The gift bag is wiggling, and I get to have one of those moments I’ve seen on TV or maybe YouTube. You know, KID FREAKS OUT BECAUSE OMG PUPPY PUPPPYYYYY!!! IT’S A PUPPY!!!

Wait, WTF. It’s a puppy??

Oh god.

“We thought you lonely here! You have no boyfriend! So we get you dog to keep you company.”

Oh god.

“This one we rescue when her mom die. She has a sister too.”

Oh god.

Okay then!

So we named her Magic (well, *I* named her Magic), and yes, I felt compelled to rescue the sister too – no use for them to be lonely, without each other. We named her Angel.

And that’s the short but adorable (if I do say so myself) story about how Magic and Angel became “mine”-not-mine.

(Responsible Caveat: I was in no position to care for a dog in Bali, but I was grateful to share custody with Mira. She wisely realized that giving an animal as a surprise present – not recommended, by the way – is best done if you yourself are willing to take the animal you’re giving back and care for him or her fully!!)

Donk is giving advice on how to care for your pet? That borders on obscene.

Ah, beloved Bali! Our burro was at her happiest when sisters came to visit her Ubud “cuddle” digs:

“So I told Noah he could take care of that screaming brat for once. I needed some Julia time!”
“I’ll never understand why ‘The Checklist Song’ didn’t make you the next Taylor Swift!”

Cheer up, Julie! At least you’re not still scrambling to pay the rent at age 38.

I LOVE YOU COURAGE (to live off another masculine even if I have to live in NoPa)!!

94 COMMENTS

  1. What “home” has she “created” in SF?
    Why is she calling a few-month vacation rental “my home in Bali?”
    Why is her grammar so atrocious?
    Is that a big welt on the side of her face?
    Why is she all greasy?
    Why is she missing a dog she shared for five minutes when Lily is there in SF?
    Why is she telegraphing how miserable she is because she no longer can justify living a life of permanent vacationing?
    When will Dodi finally get a clue?

    • the big welt looks like botox injection site damage.

      “Someday boy you’ll reap what you’ve sown
      You’ll catch a cold and you’ll be on your own
      And you will see that what’s wrong with me
      Is wrong with everyone that
      You want to play your little games on

      Poetry and flowers pretty words and threats
      You’ve gone to the dogs again and I’m not placing bets
      On you coming home tonight anything but blind
      If you take me for granted then you must expect to find
      Surprise, surprise

      Valentine’s Day is over, it’s over
      Valentine’s Day is over”
      (Billy Bragg)

    • Ask Rainy about the fucking dog. She’d been stalking him for weeks, texting and phoning LITERALLY 40 times per day, and he’d been ignoring her. In comes this URGENT message that Judy MUST talk to him. So PhuturePhuckPhace actually becomes concerned, thinks that something might have happened to a parent, and calls our lady of introspection. “Oh, Rainy! I have a doggie and his name is Magic! It’s tho thpiritual that I was gifted him on Valentine’s Day when I was thinking of you!” Can you imagine how pissed this guy was? Not to mention how much he regretted getting involved with this loon in the first place?

      GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN, DODI!

      • Can you imagine having a psychobeast stalking you from 15 time zones away?

        (you just know she had no idea or even cared what timezone ILYR was in)

    • When did squatting become her home? Sounds like he’s not making her feel welcomed enough and she’s *threatening* to leave. She won’t until someone calls Mrs. McC

  2. “… the home I’ve created here in SF.”
    “… I’m at my home in Bali …”

    It is to laugh that Julia Allison believes that Julia Allison is fooling anyone into believing that Julia Allison owns any home, much less that Julia Allison owns multiple homes. Is Julia Allison’s most recent smoke and mirrors bullshit for the benefit of DadBod’s friends who are laughing their collective ass off at Julia Allison?

    RE: Mira’s dog, whatever Mira calls it… No doubt Donkers snatched it out of her arms, braying loudly “Mine! Mine! Mine! Take our picture! Again! Oh uhm er oops, there goes your dog, tee hee HAW!”

    • How dare you, Brayella! The Baugher dynasty has made Bali their second home for at least half a century. The locals would fan Nutty Granny Money Bags while Julia’s dear grandmother would tell our little foal of her courtship days, how many a dashing suitor would send her flowers, chocolates, dresses, dogs, you name it, especially after that second date. ::nudge, nudge, wink, wink::

      Of course the locals sensed how lonely dear Jackles was on Valentine’s Day and rushed to bring her a living present, because they didn’t have anything better to do and because they exist solely for our burro’s happiness. (See Toni Morrison)

  3. Who the fuck over the age of 30 (I
    I think I’m actually being geneous here) emphasizes the “you have no boyfriend!!” on Valentines Day?? I mean you are living in “magical Bali”, claiming to be so zen and blissful but your friends think you’re so lonely on Valentine’s Day, they bring you a dog??? It’s Valentine’s Day for fucks sake not some sacred holiday. These women are emotionally stunted.

    • Her behavior on holibrays, particularly VD & Halloween & Christmas, including weeks prior, is stunted, as though she were eight years old and determined to make sure Momsers puts out the raisin oatmeal cookies for Santa because wittle Barbie-stealing Judy just knows they’re his favorites. When I was cataloging RBNS’s early years, I was convinced she’d sent herself flowers on at least one VD because she couldn’t stand NOT getting a present on this throwaway holiday.

  4. It’s been 20 years of her trying–yes, trying, *ahem*, in spite of being paid at some point–to be a writer.

    But why, oh why, has she not improved?

    Content is lazy, structure is clumsy, grammary is lousy.

    Like, oh god.

    • Never forget: it took this moron four gregdamn months to write a Burning Man puff piece for the NYTimes.

      She could have been Obama’s speechwriter, my ass.

    • Also, here’s the other lazy part.

      She only talks about things that happen TO her, and even those stories suck.

      When has she talked about stories that happened AROUND her or stories about OTHERS.

      There’s a brief glimpse of self awareness noting she’s just a white girl doing basic white girl shit, but why not tell me how you did something beside lounge in a house in a far away land.

      Indonesia has political turmoil and intrigue, it’s got hosts of things happening in her neighborhood with the locals.

      How does one make a home while being oblivious of everything outside of said house? How does one feel the best representation of themselves is rehashing a story about spending valentine’s day alone in a foreign country in relative luxury and it’s about a fucking dog that you don’t even keep.

      There is no there, there. No home, anywhere. And no matter where she runs, there she is.

      In the 20’s it’s childish, but forgivable. In the 30’s, it’s just an obvious failure of parenting.

  5. I always tell my students that writing beautifully isn’t something that can be taught, but it can be learned — just not by Julia Allison.

    • So I should not sign up for Story University?

      “As a journalist, telling stories is my livelihood.” HA HA HA HA HA!

      • That video is to laugh.

        She went to StoryU to discover how fascinating her life is, and it was all about how the events in HER life shaped HER and HER failed attempts at writing.

        StoryU? More like Story Me. ME. ME. MEEEEE. MEEEEEE!!!

        • Oh, I know! I wanted to yell, “Journalists don’t tell their own story, Judy!” Well, unless you’re Joan Didion and our dim burro shouldn’t even be allowed to utter that name.

      • serious question: what qualifications do you need to classify yourself as a “journalist”? – a literary degree and continued ability to claim a byline?

        • This video is only two years old, LONG after she’d been a “journalith” for TONY or the Chicago Tribune (thanks to Dadsers) or Elle (the fake online column). This bint was never even at the level of New York Times embarrassment Alex Williams. It is to laugh!

      • Her expression, as caught at the beginning of this video:
        Donkers ramping up to suck all the oxygen out of a room.

  6. Wow, that attempt to render someone speaking English as a foreign language is QUITE something.

      • I flashed on Benjamin Dreyer’s invaluable “Dreyer’s English,” in which he insists that a writer should avoid using regional or ethnic dialects unless one is Alice Walker.

        • It comes across as being incredibly insensitive. Could you imagine an oral
          reading of this post? Additionally, the usage adds no value to the story whatsoever. She easily could have told this story without the forced dialect.

          • I would pay to watch Judy give a dramatic reading of this post. It would be funnier than a Miss America contestant performing a Shakespearean soliloquy during the talent portion of the carny show.

    • This is not even the first time, is it? I seem to recall something about a tax driver. Who, of course, also played some sort of a Magic Negro part in her “story.”

      • The Magic Negro has reared his or her head in a couple of Julie anecdotes, always giving the goddess a bromide when she desperately needs it because her well-being is their chief concern.

        • Remember the time she said a driver assumed that she was a hooker? That guy might have been real, LOL.

  7. selfies with her friends that visit, but did she ever post any photos of herself with her friend Mira?

    • I believe she posted once about Mira. The woman is currently the sole commenter on Donk’s “magic” FB post.

      Mira Handara The idea is, you are very special so you must have everything special 💖
      Specially for me and my family 🙏😇
      We miss you

      Huh? How about that?

      • When Donk was trying to sub-let her rented/grifted Bali abode, she said something like, “My friend Mira can pick you up and get you settled.” I think her “friend” Mira is the landlord or housekeeper.

      • Hmm, 10 minutes’ snooping on Facebook shows that Mira and her husband run a “spiritual” tour guide and transport company. While it’s possible she genuinely likes the Donk, it’s in her best interest to be super-friendly to these shiftless white hippies, encourage them to stay for long periods, and get paid to drag their asses around the island.

        • I saw that too and raised an eyebrow.

          Shiftless White Hippie should be an RBD screen name!

        • “Mira, I’m a famous American thought leader and social media entrepreneur! If I hire you to work for me– for free, I mean– I can guarantee LOTS of business from conscious, evolved American tourists! Now, carry my pink plastic suitcases into the bedroom! I’ll pay you in hugs and good vibes!”

  8. “She’s holding a medium sized bag in her hands, which she shoves into mine. A gift bag, to be specific.”

    So the sentence structure here indicates Mira shoved a medium sized bag into Donkey’s gift bag.

  9. “She wisely realized that giving an animal as a surprise present – not recommended, by the way – is best done if you yourself are willing to take the animal you’re giving back and care for him or her fully!!)“

    This awkward sentence states that Mira had to be willing to take an animal that she gave back. So if she gave it back, why would she need to take it?

    Take back the animal. Not take an animal that she gave back.

    And ditch the double exclams.

    P.S. Donkey, if you are given a dog as a gift and know you will have to abandon it when you leave the country, then don’t fucking accept it in the first place. It is a living creature that forms bonds with its owner, and not a toy. Clearly you didn’t learn anything from how you pawned off poor Lily on any stranger you could con into taking her. God forbid you should ever have a child.

  10. Donkey isn’t happy in her current stall or she wouldn’t be waxing nostalgia. She looked way healthier and happier in Bali, doing those cliche white pipo things.

    • This. One wouldn’t publicly post such sentiments if one were truly happy in one’s current situation.

      Too many one’s but I’m in rush!

      • Plus she wants someone to know this :”you have no boyfriend!!” on Valentines Day”

        and how much she has sacrificed

        That welt though??? hope it is botox and not another kind of abuse

      • @Gilly: One wants to perma-vacay on one other’s salary so one does not have to fail in front of one other. Easy way out. “Honey…I’ve been thinking…”

        @Old Nutty: Totally looks like a botox welt or new filler.

  11. The number of actual writers in this thread, as opposed to Professor Allison of Story University, is KILLING ME.

  12. THIS! “reading some s–t about meditation or doing yoga or whatever other peaceful but exceedingly cliche white-person-in-Bali activity I was doing.”

    • She knows herself almost as well as we know Judy.

      THIS IS SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT!

  13. She always has to be all, “Well, I guess I’ll deign to live in [wherever she can crash for free] but it’s not my true love!” as if the geographic location is to blame for her failure to get a job or put down roots.

    “Ugh, I had to crash in Chicago until I could escape to my beloved New York… Yuck, New York! It is soulless and it ruined my life! Thank god I could escape to Los Angeles, where people are REAL!… Finally I left horrible Los Angeles, and I’m living my dream in San Francisco, I’m such a hippie LOL!… Thank god I got away from San Francisco; I must live in nature [in a McMansion in the most expensive housing market in the US] to be truly happy!… The US is so horrible, I’m moving to Bali!… Oh, wait, now I’m back in San Francisco, but only under duress because my OMG boyfriend lives here!… Job? No, I don’t have a job; I only half-heartedly live here because I really belong in Bali… nope, I didn’t work there, either, because the world is mean and won’t let me have a career.”

    • I think Momsers sold her on going all in with Dodi during her visit to Bali, and now she realizes she’s in the same boat as her brother, at whom she looked down her nose for living a boring life that wasn’t all Burning Man. She faked it and now maybe she realizes this isn’t what she wants, but what her parents want for her.

      • She literally cannot get what she actually wants, which is to be infinitely rich, desired, famous, and envied. So she will always be dissatisfied.

      • dr. dodi working hard in his lab; can’t be at her beck and call every minute of the day, and it’s not like she’s close to the members of the woo community who don’t shun her to be able to call them up and go for coffee.

        too far by public transportation for her to yoga at the palace of fine arts. no means of transportation, no job, hobbies, or purpose in life – idle time is killer for the narcissistic.

        drug withdrawal after the burn? do you think she’s lonely?

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        Or what if Dodi decided that he likes her, maybe even loves her in his own way — but does not want to marry and spawn with her? What if he just wants to keep things as they are?

        • Then he’ll encounter INTENSE PRESSURE ON A DAILY BASIS to put a ring on it and make an honest woman of Donk. It’ll be hell on earth and she’ll get more and more whiny, sadder and sadder. We’re hearing some background rumbles. Nothing to report as of yet.

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            That would be totally on-brand for Donk, wouldn’t it? That’s what I take her public whining and pining for Bali to be — passive-aggressively lashing out at him for not giving her a wedding and making it clear that she’d have a better (more “enlightened”) life in Bali, if not for deigning to stay with him.

            Are the rumbles that he’s going to propose, or that she’s pushing him hard? (I can’t even imagine the intel you get that doesn’t get posted because it can’t be solidly confirmed or is too explosive.)

          • Nothing about a proposal. Re: Bali, she’s heading back in December. For a visit or is she returning on a permanent basis to the home she shared with Magic?

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            …unless she can get a proposal out of him?

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            She’d better have already started trying. At her age, it ain’t easy at all

    • In the recovery community they call it “pulling a geographic” but in the words of Buckaroo Banzai, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

  14. Ever hear of Finding Gobi? He rescued that little guy all the way from China and back to the UK through quarantine and everything. And that was after the little guy got lost a second time in China before he was able to fly back and get him. That’s rescuing. Anything can be accomplished if you give a damn. If she left her there, it’s because she didn’t want the work, which is actually better for the dog anyhow. She’s so tedious with her Noodles-esq preachy tone on how life and animals and children are meant to be done. From their vast experience no less.

Comments are closed.