Joanie Loves Chachi

Oh, it’s on. It is so on.

The good doctor has notoriously terrible taste in women and our burro is his type: showy and shallow, all about presentation and perception, though anyone with an I.Q. in the three-digit range can see there’s no there there. Anyone with a three-digit I.Q. but Alex Marson, that is.

A wedding is definitely in the cards. Will Donk be converting, as did her former(?) idol, Ivanka Trump?


    • Presumably the same person who will write Marson’s conscious uncoupling post when these crazy kids get divorced.

      • This is written with all the love an warmth of a man with a gun to his head.
        But as long as she’s *happy*.

    • Indeed. Why the EXTREME low self-esteem, so much so that someone had to fork over 5k for another woo retreat?

  1. It’s all clear now.

    She backdated the relationship status on Facebook betting on a Burning Man wedding or proposal.

    I just ordered a 5-lb bag of popcorn.

    • She wants that wedding NOW – it’s the most magical day in every girl’s life – and won’t wait until BM 2020.

    • She is wearing a tiara made of crystals and glitter earrings.

      Well, every pot has its lid, even shallow warped pots! Good for them, if true. She could have done worse. He, however…will find out sooner or later.

          • He won’t and she’ll take him for everything but the kitchen sink.

            “Representing Mrs. Dadbod is her father, Peter Baugher, Esq., a Princeton and HIVE alumnus.”

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        She could have done worse.

        He certainly did

        • Yes, I want clear, my sentence was to intimate that sooner or later he would find out that he has.

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Do you think he has, or will?

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        The tiara looks like the string of fake nails with different polishes on them that nail salons use to show the different gel colors they have

    • They have taken liberties with the timing, since they did spend a lot of the first few months apart. She had a lease in Bali that wasn’t up until February, IIRC, but wasn’t there the whole time, especially toward the end.

  2. I was thinking that, being a scientist, he’d step cautiously on the playa with Judy and just observe this time around. However, having lived his earlier life as an incel (my feeling), I believe he is throwing himself in full-color-coordinated spandex and heels with our burro and they will be married before they torch the wooden man (very symbolic).

    • If the wedding was on, we would have seen an invite already. It’s not like the Donkey is going to be all coy and unassuming about it.

      I think she is just putting a lot of pressure on him to get a BM proposal at this point (which explains the over-the-top first-anniversary post on IG).

      “Oh, Dodi, just in case you need one, I packed a couple of engagement rings. For no special reason”

  3. Check her Pinterest to see if she’s got the wedding gown pins going again. That’s usually a good sign.

  4. OT: How do you behave like a horny, insecure 14 year old and get your third husband to walk out on you? Do tell, Jena!


      Ugh she is such a self-congratulatory needbucket.

      • Too bad that Husband #4 won’t possibly be able to love her as much as she loves herself. (Or #5, or #6 …) She’s a parody of everything that’s wrong with self-esteem pushers.

        • I suspect she’ll still be pushing the erotic empress grift when she’s in her sixties, long after husband #7 has fled to the other side of the world.

    • She irks me. So self-involved. And no, Jena, you do not look 14, give me a break. Saw her once at a conference sponsored by another woo (yes I got momentarily roped in to the grift, sad to say for my wallet). We were in the bathroom at the sinks. She only looked at herself. I said hello as I always do..nose in the air, she completely ignored me. Whatever. She was wearing gold lame midriff-baring ridiculousness (“Me me pay attention to MEEEEEEE!). She sat in front at the conference but had her laptop on the entire time, no thoughts that it could be distracting for others in the audience. Glad I came to my senses and moved on.

      • Sorry the woos had their hooks in you, bunny! Re: Jena, she’s the most insecure of the grifter goddesses and it’s easy to visualize her trying to put on airs. No, she definitely doesn’t look 14 – is she fantasizing about becoming Roman Polanksi’s next squeeze? She’s also losing her hair. The next Susan Powter?

    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      I really hope not

    • Please not at Burning Man! I want the full poofy dress at the church with a University Club reception and LOADS of photos. Months and months of planning with in laws becoming increasingly irritated. Hideous bridesmaids dresses on all her crazy woo friends and childhood acquaintances. Most of all, I want Ali and Ellsberg there in their full craziness, offending everyone with their dress , comportment and odor.


      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        I don’t. Because it’s what she desperately wants more than anything. And she will be insufferably smug for the rest of her nasty life. She will never stfu about MY HUSBAND THE DOCTOR. Even if the marriage doesn’t last as long as Nic Cage’s last one

      • Oh boy… Donkers rounding up frenemies willing to be bridesmaids will be every bit as challenging as Donkers rounding up frenemies willing to sign NDA’s and be on Mass Despised… a Burning Man wedding really would be her best bet.

        Besides, DadBodDodi will probably have to be drugged / tricked into it anyway…

      • As I mentioned months ago, we’re sure to get at least three weddings – Donk and Dodi don’t want to be outdone by Bear and Kitty. One of those weddings will definitely be in Wilmette. I’m guessing the other two will be in San Francisco and at Camp Septic.

        I just unearthed this image of Morrocanwear when a youth:

        via GIPHY

        • Totally accurate video of me as a child. The heart wants what the heart wants.

          I also desire a demure photo of Julia in her grandmother’s veil in whatever society pages still exist in Chicago. A series of demanding bridezilla emails leaked by “friends” to RBD. A destination hen party where everyone appears to hate each other and Julia is caught in a compromising position with a male stripper. Bridal shower with her mom’s friends and her smelly Burning Man tribe because, honestly, who else does she have at this point? Jordan stealing her tiara. Please, please, please a choreographed (by chap-clad julia) walk down the aisle with wedding party and dadser. Also, a flash mob surprise for Dr. Dad Bod at the reception…like the one Lin Manuel-Miranda did at his wedding, but way stupider and less accomplished. Puffy face crying all night photo album from expensive honeymoon in Bali (because it’s “her” place but she will be totally miserable every second she is there).

          What else? Lots of side eyes from both sisters-in-law in the wedding and reception photos. Having this all elaborately planned out and recorded on social media but then being dumped at the altar is too much to hope for, right? But is it really? I was almost married and broke up two weeks before a wedding, and I am an absolute delight, so IT COULD HAPPEN!

          • This comment is a work of art, Morrocanwear. I want all of that, too, a documentary study of the zenith of her life, all the moments it becomes the nadir and deep in her heart she knows it, and knows why. I really do suspect she knows the evil things she’s done — the letter she sent to REDACTED 2’s fiancee, the MacBook Air, the attempt to harm REDACTED 1 on Gawker, her psychotic behavior with Rain and his family — live on, they have power, and they reveal her. I also suspect she’s afraid because of that, and lives in that fear every day. What a wedding it would be!

          • It’s theoretically possible that I or some close members of my family would get an invite to any wedding that may or may not take place. I would burn every last remaining bridge with these people to get you these photographs and any intel, Moroccanwear. For lots of reasons, but let’s just pick: I love Merlin and Beefeater and I owe you for hours of laughter.

          • Hi, Hroswitha! Great to see you in the basement again!

            I’m kind of on the fence about the wedding. I’m not as crazy about the prospect as most of my beloved catladies seem to be (don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE the Morrocanwear scenario, but given Donk’s total lameness, I just don’t think it would be that much fun IRL…. she can’t even do trainwreck right. I don’t think she would tarnish the sacred walk down the aisle with anything fun like chaps. It would be like her lameass self-wedding, only much more expensive), but I don’t dread it like my beloved Unicorn Studded Rainbow seems to (I get your reluctance to see Donkey get what she wants, but 1) keep in mind she never really gets what she wants, and if she does get some approximation of it, she fucks it up, and 2) ultimately, who cares? happy / that’s Donk “happy”/ or not, she’s still a ridiculous moron we can laugh at).

            Bottom line, yeah, like everyone else here I’d be grateful for inside intel and photos.

          • Hi, Helena! I’ve been missing you catladies. Fortuna (that impudent wench) has been spun me and my family on a downward cycle of late, so my attention has been elsewhere. But things are looking up, metaphorically and theologically, so I’m glad to be in the basement again.

          • Morrocanwear, but can any RL wedding live up to your wonderful fantasy? Hopefully, Hroswitha or an accomplice can attend and we’ll have evidence for the ages!

          • @Hroswitha: Sorry to hear that you had to suffer any affronts to morality, theology and geometry, bunny, but very glad to know that you’re on the upward cycle again.

            @Hroswitha, Gilly et al.: I’m loving this all, but am I right in thinking that if a playa wedding happens, 1) neither Hroswitha nor her family members will be able to attend and document, seeing as they’re not of the evolved Tribe? and 2) it will not be legal in any non-playa sense? Mcakez (HOLLA AT YA GURL) might be able to weigh in here.

          • The good news is that she will never be smug and happy, because she will always feel she settled (see that stupid list she made). Hroswitha, I am glad things are looking up and you are back.

  5. Yeah this was definitely a “Pressured Post” Donks guilted him into.

    He rarely posts anything at all for years, but all of a sudden Donks goes on a wild social media posting spree, followed by him writing a poorly worded love manifesto? Coincidence!?

    I know a successful guy who just got involved with a woman recently, and he’s been posting about how much he loves her including cutesy pictures. Slightly out of the ordinary for him but nothing alarming.

    I saw him recently and congratulated him on his newfound love, and he just groaned. He said those were very forced because the woman was so insecure about him not posting about her enough. He said it was easier to just post them to appease her in the meantime.

    I figure that’s exactly what this is.

    I expect Donks will “find her true voice” on some drug trip during BM, do something childish, and Dodi will finally realize it’s time to leave.

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        Then they’re not good friends if they’re not trying to save him!

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            They’re mocking him. Unless ratting him out to RBD is an effort to shame him away from Donk.

      • I remember a post someone made when she first started dating him. It was someone who knew him, and the poster said that he was just as bad as she was in many ways. I suppose I could go back and look for it. But, it would reinforce the idea that they may actually be a good match, at least initially, and that their friends recognize this.


          • Except if they get married at NYPL I am going to be SO pissed off because I love that place and the librarians and their special collections and they do not deserve such an honour (Dodi & Donk, that is).

        • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

          They obviously have no friends.

          • They definitely have friends. Ryan Allis even facilitated their hooking up. And with friends like Half Pint …

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Not friends like the way normal people have friends

          • He seems to have what constitutes traditional friends, certainly in the scientific community, as well as childhood friends and college chums. We’ve been contacted by a couple of them. More on that soon.

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Are they concerned about him or mocking him and Donk?

    • I would much, much rather eat every hat I own (I don’t own too many) than tell my SO that it’s important to me that he posts about his love and devotion to me on the internet. I would also immediately start eating my hats if given the choice to either do that or have a relationship with a person who would expect me to proclaim my love and devotion to them that way. The mystery of this all is part of what keeps me here.

      • Donkers is still trying to recoup attention that was diverted to little brother Britt for, you know, actual achievements.

    • Donker’s nappy eyebrows certainly are giving DadBodDodi’s eyebrows a run for Dad$er’s money.

    • I take it I’m the only one who *genuinely* – no snark, no kidding – thinks she looks at least 10 years older?

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        I’ve long said the same

      • Ya can’t lay in the sun without healing sunscreen for 40 years and not expect these results. Sad, really.

        • Probably not the best idea to highlight your crow’s feet with some woo goo, either. But I guess the tiara and the earrings would be LOST without the stellar maquillage.

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Also, overdoing the injections – especially from a cutrate injector – ironically ages women

  6. Haven’t paid much attention to this guy or Julia’s relationship with him, so I have to ask: Do his parents have enough money that they’d be able to force him into a prenup? Or are they just mainstream upper middle class NYers? (I.e. Do they have millions not counting RE equity?)

    If either of my kids were considering marrying someone even a bit like Julia (or even if the in-laws were weird like Peter (especially) /Robin) I think I’d give a prenup ultimatum to my son/daughter. If they marry with a prenup and it goes south, so what? But to marry some weirdo without it seems like utter foolishness. The thought of someone like Julia spending away what I saved and invested for my child would kill me.

    It’s got to be depressing to his parents that this fool also either doesn’t want kids (hopefully) or would have kids with Julia. Imagine you meet your son’s ~40 yr old gf/fiancee and it’s someone who is completely bonkers and clearly not parent material. Depressing. Exasperating.

    • I’m not sure they’d be described as wealthy, but his parents have money and it’s self-made. Dad is a very successful architect. Dodi comes from a family of achievers. God only knows what Bernie and Ellen think of Rainbow, a self-proclaimed catalyst for love.

    • Prenups are becoming increasingly common, especially when there’s a significant disparity in what the parties bring to the marriage. A really close relative just had one for his marriage and it was NBD for all involved. Which kind of surprised me, because I would be horrifically offended if anyone ever asked me to sign one, but I married the dude I met when I was 17 so my situation was a little different (i.e. we were both broke as hell).

    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      Do we think Donk would marry him with a restrictive prenup? The kind that would pretty much leave her with her tutus, knockoff designer shoes, and moldy designer briefcase?

      • Jeez, I totally forgot about this movie and now must seek it out. I was just reading an article in the OMG NYT or some other authority of record referencing his “increasingly bad movies,” and it was so, so wrong. All Elvis movies are GREAT Elvis movies.

        • CHANGE OF HABIT is one of the greatest accomplishments of the cinema and I will never hear otherwise.

          • CHANGE OF HABIT would be high on my Elvis movies list – he constitutes his own genre – but low on my nun genre list. You want nuns? You want sharp dialogue? You want Rosalind Russell as Mother Superior? It doesn’t get any better than THE TROUBLE WITH ANGELS and WHERE ANGELS GO, TROUBLE FOLLOWS.

          • Omg you cat ladies never stop amazing me. I’m a lurker, but I love you guys so much. The people I know IRL who’ve seen this movie can be counted on one hand. Probably two fingers. It’s so great. I saw a poster for it at Graceland and absolutely HAD to find out more about it. The only place I could find it was the library at Lincoln Center. So bizarre and amazing and… I can’t word anymore because I have little kids. But yeah. A forgotten gem.

    • I’m ashamed to say I’ve only seen “Jailhouse Rock” with Elvis, but I loved it and was surprised to see that despite it being the 1950s, no one was apparently bothered by its (the title song’s, mostly) very fine homosexual overtones. Perhaps I misinterpreted.

    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      A truer warning I’ve never heard

    • Did you read Devin Stetler and Rain 🌧 Phutureprimitive’s remarkably similar breakup posts? No way straight dudes wrote those, either.

    • Every dude who is with her is OMG SO IN LOVE, SO EFFUSIVE, SO DEFENSIVE OF A DONKEY… until they are not. Signed, Redacted (um, er oops, she outted his mental illness to get back at him and ruin him), Codename TK (she had someone pose as his sister, who committed suicide… NOT CRUEL OR WRONG AT ALL ON HER PART) etc, etc, etc.

      • Also, with softness, this is why I can’t feel bad for any dude she gets with. All your warnings are here, but these dudes dismiss them, because their egos are too big, or because she gets dudes as broken as she is who can’t see it right away UNTIL THEY SEE IT, shit their pants, run for the hills and activate the retraining orders.

        • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley (NOT "Julia Allison")- 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

          And marry the next woman they date

      • Also (also), keep in mind that those Donkey Love Proclamations and Donkey Defences rarely come naturally (i.e. they are rarely the guys’ own *genuine* idea during the making of which no braying occurred), if they’re actually written and posted by the guys at all.

    • If we see pictures of him prancing around playa wearing a onesie, we will know we lost him forever, like the moment in The Stepford Wives when Katarine Ross replacement robot turns around and we see the black eyeballs.

        • …but he might open the third best dispensary in Modesto, like another basement favorite. No more healing chef, who opened hearts with his food, but some fine sticky icky in the desert.

      • That was one thing I always credited Precipitation Man for not doing. You never once saw him in one of those ridiculous onesies. Holey hoods, yes, but onesies, never.

        I’m remembering omce, after Avocado broke up with her, he was wearing the Tigger onesie at a concert and showing a little kid his tail. Or course Donkey had to jump in the conversation online to mark her territory and remind everyone that she was the one who had bought him that stupid thing.

  7. OT: Nothing magical about Jess Magic’s intelligence. No wonder she was trumpeting culturally illiterate Donkey’s “intellectual acumen.”

    Jess Magic

    “Feeling rattled.

    Has anyone ever gotten a call from the social security administration saying their number was found attached to drug trafficking and money laundering?

    I just spent 45 min on the phone while at SFO with an “officer” from the Social Security Administration and then an “officer” from the SFPD telling me there had been a warrant out for my arrest. Everything about it felt startling, off, creepy, but it wasn’t until they tried to get me to transfer all my money to Target or Home Depot gift cards that I started realizing I could fuck with them back.

    Fear tactics are not fun. Scams on people that don’t know much about government processes are also not fun. Please gentlemen…I’d like the last 45 minutes of my life back.

    They had waaaay too much information about me to know right away it was a scam and unfortunately I gave them even more. Feeling violated 😔😡”

    She doesn’t “know much about government processes”? Does she possess any common sense? Hasn’t she read at least one of the many news stories about such scams?

    Alley Katz Shanti responded almost immediately and managed to plug her upcoming podcast:

    Ali Katz

    Yes, and I know several people who have actually transferred money. 🙁 I have an interview coming out with Brandilyn Brierley about her experience whenever I get my podcast launched. It’s a huge violation.

    Jess Magic

    Ali Katz ohhh gosh. I remember that! Didn’t know what happened but I donated to her. Thank you for spreading the word. I had never heard of this scam, and it really scared me. Then the more I listened to their tone of voice and word choices and demeanor I started getting suspicious but I gave them a lot of time.

    • JFC, she is Columbusing phone scams.

      Yes, Jess, your computer doesn’t have a virus and, if you don’t have any student loans, there is nothing wrong with the student loans you don’t have.

    • I never heard of this scam and I’m not even American and therefore have no experience with the Social Security Administration, but I think I can say with a great deal of confidence that there is NO government in the world whose legit operations include calling citizens on the phone and instructing them to transfer money. If there are any lost souls who need Ali Katz to explain this to them, well, they are just lost.

    • “Hello there, suspected felon, this is the government, phoning to tell you that we plan to arrest you, so we wanted to give you a heads-up so you can go into hiding,” said no government anywhere.

      HOW can these dipshits be so consistently dumb? Hey, troll, explain again how Jaahaaas ran a non-profit?

      • AND she was sitting in the airport on her cell phone, giving out her financial information. I hope whoever pays her bills closes their accounts.

        • “Yes, officer, that is my social security number. Let me also read my bank routing number to you, and give you my PIN out loud, in this public space. Hold on, the air force pilot who is sending me the money he found in Iran is on the other line. Oh no, it looks like a friend has been mugged in London and needs me to wire him some cash. I’m so glad my plane hasn’t boarded yet.”

          • “Hello, yes, exiled Nigerian prince, how may I help you? Oh, you say I won the Irish National Lottery? Cool beans! I’m sending the fee in order to claim my prize pronto!”

    • So ironic for Skankatron to be sticking her oar in on this, since it’s the very same kinds of dummies who would get sucked into her very own Money Map scam and related grifts.

    • “I just wanna take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott. He’s supporting about twenty Nigerian princesses.”

Comments are closed.