Swiss Mister is so very good looking in person! Take it away, la Fraud:
I’m feeling such a profound loss with the end of my marriage. If you thought my ex-husband was a dreamboat, YES, HE WAS!
Here’s one dimension I’m losing from my life with this divorce–Gourmet Meals.
Imagine being served 3 delicious meals a day, that didn’t just taste good, but looked like works of art on the table. This was my reality with my ex-husband. In our polarity, I put the roof over our head, and he put the food on the table. He’s a culinary artist and could combine foods and flavors like a master. He aimed to feed the eyes and much as the mouth, and oh, did he deliver on both! The cheese, the fresh soup, the sourdough bread, delicious meats and salads—it was European cuisine that came off the plate with aliveness.
Being served his food felt like the ultimate luxury in life. I’d never felt so healthy, nourished and satisfied. I would do the dishes with a smile on my face, so grateful for the exquisite food. I felt like a had hit the jackpot with my partner. Pinch me!
His Dad is a restaurateur and my theory is that he grew up demonstrating his love through expert cooking. It sure felt like love to me! My mother never liked cooking, and would do it as a joyless, necessary chore. My inner child felt nurtured like never before.
Now this part I’m ashamed to admit. After he left, I would sometimes starve myself. Not in an anorexic way as if I was trying to lose weight. It was as if I was on an unconscious hunger strike, a childish protest against him being away, as if I was waiting for him to come back and feed me. He would ask me, “have you eaten?” Too often the answer was no. When I did shop and cook, I would try to channel his magic and when I managed I felt really proud of myself.
Now that the marriage is once and for over, I must stop this hunger strike as I’m only depleting my well-being and accomplishing nothing. I’ve talked with my inner child. She’s devastated by the loss. “It really was too good to be true,” she laments. My pact to her is that I will cook myself at least one special meal a day, that’s fresh, delicious, and visually appealing. Hopefully I’ll make it up to 3 meals a day, but that’s my starting commitment.
Whatever you, your inner child, and Naomi need to tell yourselves to make it through the night, Jena. We’re just so glad you’re still with us and hopefully eating something with visual appeal.
This just in: Jena is out of the abyss and born again!
I am starting to feel the light returning. I’ve been in a deep darkness leading up to my break up. Truly the dark night of the soul experience.
I didn’t feel suicidal. I didn’t feel like I wanted to kill myself. I just felt like I was dying. Like I could no longer live, if my marriage was to be lost.
I understand that it’s a dimension of my ego that’s actually dying. This was the “Mrs. Sacha Nielsen” part of me. It was an identity that I was so proud of, that I felt validated by. This wonderful man loves & is devoted to me.
Obviously, this must mean something wonderful about me.
The problem with this thinking is that when he started to leave on a regular basis, and for longer and longer stretches of time, that validation vanished, & I fostered a hole in myself instead.
If him being there symbolized my worthiness, then him going away was a sign of the opposite.
“Maybe I don’t deserve a partner who sticks by me?” spoke my wounded parts.
But I discarded the thought. Yes, I do. Yes, I am worthy.
Even without this sublime superstar man by my side, I am worthy.
You are the sublime superstar, Jena! When you rubbed your abortion all over your face and went to the market, I knew we were in the presence of a goddess! Even Papa Chevalier thinks so. (Sorry that he dumped you and married your godson, but the heart wants what it wants, especially in Wooville.)
Never forget: We’ll always have the healing power of the magical cacao bean!