Birdies Chirp: Donk Fails Again

A person in tech who’s acquainted with our burro has been annoyed with Judy’s manic posts about podcasts and secret projects. Perhaps because last year Judy was bellowing about the “Upward Spiral Foundation,” some vague catalyzing global something movement that she was planning on co-managing with an “accomplished woman” who DOES NOT want to be named.

Judy allegedly roped a few suckers into working for FREE, but the project eventually spiralled downward, going the way of The Reimagine Factory and BOOK.

No surprise, then, that Judy’s tech contacts and even some of the woos are laughing behind her back over the latest attempts to look as though she actually does something for a living.

From HIVE’s advisors & investors page:

Hey, Ryan, if you’re not too busy auditioning yet another woman to be second-in-command at HIVE, get your act together and delete the reference to an organization that never even existed.


  1. I wonder if she is still crowdsourcing the “word smithing” (sic) the name of her new “project”

    Remember when she hooked some poor schlub into designing the cover of her book before she’d even written a word, and before she even knew that authors don’t do their own cover designs? I bet he never got paid. And remember when she was braying about launching a chapter S corporation with ILYRAIN before even deciding what business they were in?

    It would be just like Donkey to be going crazy over the new project name instead of the nuts and bolts of the project itself.

    • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

      Just like how she goes apeshit over the idea of an elaborate (and undoubtedly tacky) wedding, but not so much the actual marriage

    • Ding! Ding! Ding! I think we have a winner. The name of “the organization that never was” came first and was followed by lots of bumbling and the inevitable crickets. She sure has managed to burn a lot of bridges over the years.

      • Also, let’s not forget her wanting to hire an intern to manage her and Devin’s “businesses and charitable efforts” with the eventual aim of being their COO (hahaha, as if). She has a history of creating a façade but never following through. Even her Elle experience was a fraud. She just wants the title and all the credit for the idea without doing any of the work.

        • It’s not that she doesn’t want to do the actual work, though she doesn’t, it’s perhaps more that she doesn’t know HOW to follow through on anything and ends up spinning her wheels while hoping that someone else – intern, editor, boyfriend – does the work for her and she takes the credit.

  2. Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

    As I asked re Jack McCain’s LOLyer’s Insta in the last post: Do you think “Partner at Mysterious and Exciting New Media Venture” has anything to do with Donk?

    • Jack McCain’s LOLyer is nuts, flip city, boobie shoobie, twisted, as Lambert, Hendricks, and Ross once sang. No sane person should get within one hundred feet of her, so no, I don’t think she’s peeling Donkey a grape.

  3. i just had a thought: “upward spiral foundation ” could be a name inspired by her dr. dodi / deoxyrbonucleic acid connection.

      • If she’d been born in the nineteenth century, the Baughers would have put her in the attic and there she would have stayed.

        • Then again, Mrs. Rochester was married!

          Love the Extra Chromosome Project, too.

          • Well, like Jerri, Donk likes the hole and the pole, or at least she wants all the boys to think so.

        • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

          If she’d been born into the Kennedy family, they would’ve lobotomized her

    • True that, though the foundation that never was appears to have had nothing to do with CRISPR or genetics but rather some rainbowesque global claptrap involving “thought leaders.”

  4. Upward Spiral sounds like a great name.

    When you hear it you think, inevitably, of a downward spiral: entropy, destruction, devastation, failure, death, etc

    Then, 2 seconds later, you think, ohhhh… UPWARD spiral.

    You get what you crowdsource for.

    • When I first heard the name, which I think is horrible, I immediately flashed on a skid row drunk, the sort of person who allegedly punched Donk in DTLA, and wondered if the foundation was designed to pull the less fortunate out of the gutter. Then I remembered we were talking Donk.

      • Oh, no, no, dear heart.

        The Donkey will ride the upward spiral into fame and fortune, propelled by her rich “friends”, and will attain the recognition she thinks she so richly deserve.

        As per the less fortunate, she is still waiting for the Native Americans to stop drinking.

        Or at least to drink in sips.

        • “Oh, Brit, Brit, you know how much I believe in you and Dave as thought leaders on the global frontier! Won’t you sponsor my very important foundation devoted to, er … thought leaders on the global frontier?!”

          • “Our mission won’t be complete unless we charter a private jet to Bali.

            For me. Me. MEEEEEEE.”

  5. Upward Spiral is that congealed-vomit tangled-pelt brackish water sludge thing that happens when you pour both vinegar and baking soda down a donkey’s shower stall drain.

    • My standard answer to this is “Bodies in the desert.” This is someone without good judgment and who never met a get-rich-quick scheme he didn’t like, and it will be his demise.

      • Yep, his rampant greed, impulsiveness, the mixture of arrogance and stupidity turning him into the Baby Trump of the bitcoin world – it’s a recipe for disaster. And the 1980s Vegas pimp persona, complete with blond highlights and snakeskin suit, doesn’t help.

  6. La Phlegm posted about her divorce.

    “I just felt like I was dying. Like I could no longer live, if my marriage was to be lost.

    I understand that it’s a dimension of my ego that’s actually dying. This was the ‘Mrs. Sacha Nielsen’ part of me. It was an identity that I was so proud of, that I felt validated by. This wonderful man loves & is devoted to me.

    Obviously, this must mean something wonderful about me.

    The problem with this thinking is that when he started to leave on a regular basis, and for longer and longer stretches of time, that validation vanished, & I fostered a hole in myself instead.

    If him being there symbolized my worthiness, then him going away was a sign of the opposite.”

    Oh, honey. Who hurt you?! And how young did it start? If marrying that street urchin scrub was a source of pride, your damage goes deep. And it’s so totally bananas (like the insecure prattling of a tween girl with daddy issues and no understanding of how bills get paid) that it smells of bad cover for “the time for greencard fraud watch expired, so we’re dropping all pretense”.

    My opinion is that this was always a greencard con for which he used her. She just did so much hot chocolate and sustained such severe trauma in that near-death cab collision that the TBI affected her short-term memory of what cons were running whom. She didn’t learn the age-old adage of “if he did it with you, he’ll do it to you.” I fell for that trick more times than I care to recall in my 20s. “He” often convinced me that “[I] was different” or I convinced myself I could change him. Ugh. Still makes me want to kick myself years later. Not for having fallen for it, but for the real loss, having missed the good guys while wasting time with controlling conmen and broken losers I thought I could heal.

    So, honey, I feel you. Still time to turn it all around. Mangina self-selecting out of your life was a blessing. Opt-out of the rest of the flea circus now. There are kind, responsible men who will help you pack boxes and pick movers instead of disappearing in a flurry of bats and a puff of sage smoke, never to return. Go home, hon. Start over. Bipolar vasectomy/amateur kink porn, street urchin scrub/little shop of horticultured pubes, and whatever the hell predated them isn’t a great track record, dear. If you went home, slept in your childhood bedroom and literally never made another adult decision for yourself, it would be a great improvement over your last few years. Think about it. I’d really like you, of all woos, to have a happy ending somehow. The second book would practically write itself, From Fetal Blood to Featured Blurp: My Life as a Recovering Woo; Learning to Captain My Titanic, Wear Underpants and Earn a Living while Avoiding the Mentally Ill Entrepreneur. I’d buy it.


    One could snark, but she really needs to step away from the blogging/IG/whatevs for a while. This applies to all the woos, but maybe put your energy into helping others. You’d be amazed at how much it helps yourself when you help others, and this is from someone who doesn’t do enough to help others.

    “I have chosen man after man who loved me, sure, but who also needed me in very concrete, logistical, and often financial ways.”

    Financial? Who are you hooking up with? I thought these were real estate fellas.

    “I told [my therapist] how I had this knee-jerk desire to send him posts I’d written on various topics, so we could skip ahead towards understanding each other better.”

    There’s the problem right there. But the guy sounds like he turned out to be a jerk, and she’s been so emotionally all-over-the-place and needy, it’s not surprising she was vulnerable to this kind of guy. She needs to listen to her therapist…it sounds like there’s a lot more advice that she’s ignoring.

    • Can you imagine?

      “Since we went out a couple of times, I am going to send you links to the top-100 posts on my blog. I hope you enjoy reading about bathroom tiles, frozen pizza and my ex-husband.”

      She is so far gone.

    • I can’t snark. I’ve been there and it sucks. Four year anniversary of the rug being pulled out on me just passed, and I can’t say I’m completely over the pain and humiliation yet. I beat up on myself for a long time before I shifted into the right emotional gear, which was to accept that the guy was a jerk, and would have continued to have been a jerk. And I was goddamn better off without him. Even after I stumbled on FB posts of him and his new much younger, prettier and more successful girlfriend last year, it hurt for about five minutes before I could convince myself that he’d be a jerk to her too. I’m over him but not the humiliation and feeling of loss. It was the most serious relationship I’d had in years, and I’ve not gotten involved since. I don’t know why I’m writing this except to say I can’t snark on her about this, whether it is projection or not.

      • I’m so sorry that happened to you. For what it’s worth, he probably tells her how much prettier/smarter/whatever you are, just to keep Jailbait on her toes. That’s textbook narcissist. Been there and it’s really hard to get over, but you can. Promise.

      • Yeah, longtime Jordo-snarker here, and I have to say… I can’t actually snicker about this one too much, because it happened to me as well, about five years ago.

        ABSOLUTELY thought that I was being newly intelligent and self-aware in an unexpected, unprecedented, head-over-heels, full-blast romance with someone whom I’d actually known for a long time… And I got completely dick-slapped by a similarly inexplicable, humiliating “yanking of the rug.”

        I’ve been in a truly steady and fantastic relationship for the past three years, but the flinching, wincing PTSD of that betrayal is still with me.

        Some so-called adults are just narcissistic, sociopathic children, capable of full-on lying for no apparent reason. [This here Donk-centric forum should be an adequate defense of that statement, amiright?]

        But no, for some reason… My heart really went out to Jordan with this one.

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