Scheme Juices: Donkey’s “New Project”

"Wearing my grandmother's coat in London last week. What I would give to have one conversation with her right now ... "

Surely it’s not called The Reimagine Factory? Does the alleged project have something to do with her crowdsourcing for podcast equipment a month or so ago? Or has she already moved on to another incarnation of abandoned BOOK? Surely our burro can’t keep this burst of creativity on the downlow forever if she actually plans on doing something with it, other than trying to look busy when Dodi comes home from the lab.

Several woo grifters well known for “word smithing” weigh in below. (Gosh, Donk’s intellectual acumen is overwhelming.)

88 COMMENTS

  1. Her purse chain looks like it has the tissue paper still wrapped around it. Like she’s posing with it to take it back to the store. I doubt that’s the case at all, but it’s rather amusing looking.

    • I wouldn’t be too sure re return. Back in the NonSociety daze, Donk used to make her lackeys return frocks to shoppes on a regular basis.

    • All woos who’ve billed her one way or another.

      Is that a … Ring?

          • Hands down, that’s the most appalling comment I’ve posted on RBD, but hey, we’re a snark blog and sometimes I have to wallow in the gutter. winky emoticon

        • Totie was a real trouper.

          Most of these clownfish have had shame amputations and sensectomies.

          • As always, I wish we had a “like” button, and no, we aren’t getting one. I’ve got the site functioning better than it ever has, but I’m not playing with a plugin that wreaked havoc and shut us down on two separate occasions.

  2. Here’s my guess (and each one of you owes me a box of Franzia if I’m right): She is going to try to copy HIVE now that she’s apparently no longer affiliated with them and they seem to be getting flushed down the legal toilet. Some kind of “empowering” “disruptive” “world-changing” events series. She’ll tap into Dr. Dadbod’s network to try to source keynote speakers and will hope that this “new project” will gain her credibility with his crowd. Remember, each one of you is going to owe me a box of Franzia.

    (Also, wow, she really is re-embracing the Wilmette Debutante image.)

    • She really is meeting some incredible folks though Dodi, folks who wouldn’t give Ali Shanti, or whatever her name is this week, the time of day. Stay tuned!

      (“My greg, Gilly is a bigger tease than Jordacted!”)

      Hey, I heard that!

      • Another guess (for which you will also all owe me a box of Franzia): She wants to be some kind of “connector” between Wooville and the disruptor-bro crowd that Dr. Dadbod associates with. She’ll claim that it will help the woos understand the real world and incorporate science into their wacky thinking, and that it’ll help open the minds of the Stanford set.

        • I like the way you think, but she’ll never follow through with such an ambitious project. One of the many reasons the Miss Despised crew hated her was because they could never get her lard ass out of bed. Lazy Donkey Is Lazy.

          • Woah, is that true that producers couldnt get her out of bed during filing?

            Evidence seems to support that it could be true given she never came through on a major book deal or at a book deal (in the event it was not major, lol).

            More evidence: her very short stints at actual successful publishing businesses where she didnt even have to do that much to keep her role back when she was the hottest girl to ever wear a dress comprised of condoms.

            The kind side of me looks back and thinks Donk could have made it as a writer (or, whatever – a blogger?) had she stuck with the Star job or Fox (where she was apparently banned – almost an achievement given the far-leaning-right-minded-inch-word-brained bimbos they use); but then my nasty side says no no no, Donk never had a single idea come to fruition, she was at the nail salon and getting massages while the rest of us were working at our first or second or third full-time jobs out of college trying to gain experience and make it so we could buy groceries and not have to whore ourselves out for dinners like Donk says she did.

            Based on my stints in science and medicine and engn I would say that there is not any scientist or doctor or engn I can think of who would attend anything Donk puts on in her almost paranormal part of the wellness industry. Doctors like Dodi who arent doing a Donk on their off hours really only attend talks and seminars and events for MLE and networking and charity. Plus Donk is all scam and I cant imagine them providing her with anything tangible that she would want in order for her to include them.

            If Donk is doing a pod cast she might be able to get local doctors and scientists to appear on her pod to discuss their work. That will really crash her pod though as science talks arent really in the mainstream — lead alone the freakstream — for a pretty good reason because they are a bit boring.

            I still cross my fingers for a proposal as, correct me if I’m wrong please, the one year mark is coming up for the inch worm and love bird. I want full on princess spectacular. Her dress for adult prom eating wiener-dogs at a food truck was a 70s blue cake tiered number. I want three full tiers on that wedding dress. I want the photos. I want the crying. I want the emotional break down. I want to see Dodi’s horrified face. I WANT IT ALL.

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Even if she put time and effort into writing, she’s still not good at writing. No talent, no skills.

            And if she gets that wedding, she will be INSUFFERABLE and never shut up about MY HUSBAND and MY HUSBAND THE DOCTOR AND RESEARCH SCIENTIST!!!

          • TPRDD,

            They both listed October 24 as the “in a relationship with x” date on their FaceBook pages. The Donk “revised” the start date to August 11 in December.

            So maybe it is a year now. Math is hard.

          • I’m seconding Shirley here: Donk can’t write – fucoid fairies, anyone? – and it took her four months to complete a Burning Man puff piece that still had to go through several re-edits. Also, lazy, so no, Donk could never have made it as a writer.

            Re: Miss Advised, it’s quite true that the crew couldn’t get her out of bed and she was a pain in the ass to work with. Members of the production company tipped off the blog on a regular basis and posted comments in RBD as a means of venting steam.

    • I guess you may be right (I never quite understood what the “HIVE” thing was or is), but my own guess, based on years of Donksperience, is that nothing will come out of it, which of course we all know, but also that we may actually never hear of it again. I don’t want to evoke the holy memory of the “coffee project,” but does anyone else remember the “web show” with Toilet? The all white set and Donk’s straightened hair? Exactly.

      Also, I hate that she is (was, hopefully) in London. It’s my second favorite city in the world and it’s dangerously close to my own. I feel so much better when she’s on the other side of the Atlantic. (I know, I know.)

      • I’d forgotten the toilet web show but remember the month-long coffee project lasting a few days. I suspect we’ll never hear again about her latest “new project,” but don’t these woos get annoyed with getting tapped repeatedly for help, only to find Donk abandoning the projet du jour?

        • She can’t do it this time, because with Dr. Dadbod the stakes are too high. She can’t look like a layabout. He’s no Goat Soap or Avocado.

          • She’ll half-ass it for a few months, it won’t make any money, and then she’ll boohoo to Dr. Dadbod that she tried soooo hard and maybe she should try something else, and maybe she can pay you for her share of the expenses next time.

          • This.

            Plus, let’s not forget that her questions to any scientists she might get to “interview” would be:
            1) What’s your inspiration?
            2) Have you ever been to Burning Man?
            and 3), regardless of the person’s answer to 2):
            Let me tell you about my time at Burning Man.

          • Good luck with snagging anyone of actual importance, particularly since her woos besties are pounding down the door to get on the podcast.

            It’ll be like her book proposal. She’ll promise Ashton Kutcher or Elon Musk and we’ll be treated to Dead Russian Hooker #2.

      • Hi, Helena! I saw the new Spider-Man movie, which in part starred your lovely city, and thought of you!

        • Hi back atcha! Good to you see you.

          I didn’t know Prague was in the movie, so after reading your comment I checked what the local film critic I mostly like had to say about it. He gave the movie 70% but complained (among other things) that the plot was kind of weak and boring, “sure, we can laugh at the fact that there are no people walking on Charles Bridge, that there are girls wearing folk costumes sitting in a Prague pub, or that the Old Town Square has a complete different square sitting on it. Not exactly side-splitting material, though.”

      • I was in London last week! I believe she has the location blurred out from the sign in the photo…

      • It’s my second favorite city in the world too, Helena. Thankfully, my favorite sleepy port city is half a world away and full of black people, so it will forever remain untainted by Donkey manure.

        “Look at my grandmother’s coat! I’m wearing it in London because it’s so cute and old-fashioned here. There’s a red box-thing here that says Telephone on it, how cute is that!! London is such a cute country.”

        • Oh, my own city is on the wrong side of the Iron Curtain (that we all know is firmly standing in her donkey mind…. I mean, not that this poli sci scholar could actually recognize or use the term “Iron Curtain” correctly, but you get my drift). She wouldn’t dare set hoof in here. Maybe if someone took her to Moscow to troll for oligarchs. Fortunately, that’s also a long long way from here.

          As for your characterization of Donkey’s London art direction: exactly.

    • No way she’s doing this. She’ll be lucky just to try to launch a podcast.

      • I predict a launch and three episodes max before the podcast goes the way of her Wendy K. Yalom coffee-a-day project.

        • The Julia in my city announced her podcast with great fan fare. Guess how many episodes she did? Um…. .25. I’m being generous – she taped an intro for 12 minutes, said what the “series” would be and never did it again.

          Oh and here she is on her PROFESSIONAL instagram if you were wondering what a 50 year old Julia is like in another city.

          https://www.instagram.com/p/BzQ6I5hl2KY/

  3. Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

    Shooting for that midwest verve! But not quite making it

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        I’m an original! ☺️

  4. I am not making a joke when I say I thought that was Janice Dickinson. I was all, “Oh, Gilly is being silly by posting Janice instead of Donkey” but in fact it was her own braying self.

    Donkey.

    • Francesca is just punking Jordumb at this point, right? Because not only does that outfit look bad, the sweater is exquisitely 2014.

      • The conversations among those two must be exhausting:

        -I think I look great when I stand this way
        -And I think I look great when I pout my mouth like this
        -This outfit looks great on me
        -And these shoes look great on me
        -This is my favorite camera angle
        -And this is MY favorite camera angle, with lighting from there
        -The best lighting for my face is from this side

        and on and on and on until their irrelevance eats them.

    • “And now that I’ve written about clothing, because that’s what I default to writing about when what’s going on in my mind is too much, let’s get to the real point of this post.

      “For those of you who’ve been following on my IG, you may be aware that I’ve been going through it a bit (ok, a lot) these past few days. I’m currently in San Jose because K has the kids for the next couple of days, and being with my girls seemed like a better idea than being alone. And trust me, I know I’m being opaque – but it’s simply because I’m not ready to write about what’s been going on. I will when I can, though.

      “In the meantime, I love you guys. So many of you have – somewhat incredibly – intuited that I’m dealing with some hard stuff based on…I don’t know…maybe it’s simply that you pay attention. And you care. Which never ceases to stun me; the fact that there are women out there whom I’ve never met, and who care anyway, and who reach out in support just because they can. This support may be virtual, but I want you to know that to me it’s very real. It matters. And it helps so, so much.

      “Thank you for that.”

      No, Jordo, THANK YOU for saying NOTHING and continuing to tease us with whatever bullshit trauma you’re experiencing this week. It helps so much!

      • Jordacted is so obviously trolling for a crumb from Kendrick. “I’m in San Jose! I’m going through tough times! I shouldn’t be alone right now!” She is so thirsty for male attention.

        • Oh actually, I don’t think that’s the case at all. I think something major happened with their custody case.

          • A definite possibility especially given the crazy rollercoaster she’s been putting her kids on. But then again, not mutually exclusive with yoo-hooing her ex. Why broadcast that she’s lonely and miserable in San Jose? She’s trying to get someone’s attention.

          • Of course, probably Malibu Kenny since she still works with him and they follow each other. No doubt Phish dude peaced out.

          • Oh, I didn’t realize there was an actual Malibu Kenny in the picture! I assumed that was just speculation. Yeah, makes sense.

          • So, she dated and posted about a Real Estate agent that sells million dollar trailers in Malibu. No, I am not joking. He has kids, which Jordo included in her Instagram videos. After she had a meltdown about her failed trip to Mexico with him and his kids, she started dating another guy who she posted about last week. Including putting his picture on Instagram. Now the world is upside down again.

    • Is Francesca gay?

      One of the comments on the bare-ass picture on her Instagram is from a woman who says she went on a date with her.

      Just wondering…..

      • No, I don’t think so, that woman is a stylist and Francesca is involved in fashion or something. I think it was like one of those comments where a friend is like “I got to go on a date” meaning, we had fucking coffee, lol

    • “For those of you who’ve been following on my IG, you may be aware that I’ve been going through it a bit (ok, a lot) these past few days. I’m currently in San Jose because K has the kids for the next couple of days, and being with my girls seemed like a better idea than being alone. And trust me, I know I’m being opaque – but it’s simply because I’m not ready to write about what’s been going on. I will when I can, though.”

      Got dumped?

  5. Transbraytion:

    “I am desperately trying to appear productive in the eyes of my new Dr boyfriend (Did you know I have a boyfriend? He is a Doctor. PhD and M f-ing D), but I have no idea how can I do that.

    Please send me private messages with ideas detailing:
    a) What I should be doing (only pretend-work that involves no effort or dedication whatsoever on my part, don’t forget I have never ever had a real job)
    b) The name it should have (something that sounds New Age, but not too New Age, I am not the turkey-feathers-in-the-hair type, you catch my drift).

    Hurry up! My expiration date is nigh!”

    • She’s calling him her *partner* these days. It’s like a step up from boyfriend and with husband title in her sights.

      • Or maybe it means she gave up on the “husband” part.

        “Partner” is often used among couples that do not plan / can / want to get married, precisely to indicate there is no expectation of marriage.

        • You think Donk has given on up on the husband part? Dear heart, are you running a fever?

          • Lying Donkey is a lying liar who likes to tell lies. A LOT.

            I think she may be strategically simulating a lack of interest in marriage, specially in public.

          • She certainly simulated nonchalance when Rain Phutureprimitive was banging groupies young enough to be his daughter. Our burro always attempts to become what she thinks THIS MAN!! of the moment wants, and she ends up betraying herself and failing miserably.

          • It’s so funny how she is like Zelig, morphing herself into whatever she thinks her boyfriend wants her to be. She’s now back to being preppie Donkey instead of a hallucinogen hippie, all within the timeframe of a few months. I’d be super creeped out if some guy did that to me.

            I wonder what granny garb is going to work on Playa this year. We’re only six or seven weeks away. Over/under on her skipping it this year?

          • She’s Camp Septic’s biggest cheerleader and has sponsored several newbies, including Ryan Allis, so I can’t see her sitting this year out. Surely she’ll try to drag Dodi, who presumably would relish the opportunity to get his freak flag on in Ali Shanti’s orgy tent. But how much time can the good doctor get off from actual work?

          • Taking time off shouldn’t be a problem, the big night @ Burning Man is the Saturday before Labor Day.

            Most people show up on Friday, some even on Saturday morning.

      • Remember when she referred to Derpin as her “fiancé” in her OMG BOOK proposal and they weren’t even engaged? (Alex, she wrote an insane, rambling, delusional, unfunny book proposal, packed with name dropping of people who won’t give her the time of day; dicked around for months and didn’t do any work on the “book” besides fauxtographing her laptop next to a mason jar; then had nothing to show and had to return the advance payment.)

  6. NuttyGrannyMoneyBags was such a wizened ol’ little thang that I’m having a hard time believing her sleeves come anywhere close to reaching donkey’s fetlocks. Also? Pretty gross that donkey unwadded it and put it on without having the hotel steam out wrinkles for her. CWAMH

    • Looks like some 1980s DC republican wife’s coat from Talbot’s. I see these at every thrift store for ten bucks. It’s todays version of her father’s Gucci briefcase. She still has zero sense of style. It is just mind-boggling how dowdy and boring she always manages to look.

      • OMG, Brayella and Grifty–I was about to make a comment that it looks like that wrinkly coat was packed away inside the musty, collapsed briefcase inside a storage locker for the past several years, then I say your comments. Great minds!

    • She seems to have moved beyond the valley of the dolls – nudge, nudge, wink, wink – and is somewhere in the late 1970s. Didn’t Jill Clayburgh wear a NGMB-esque coat in An Unmarried Woman, AKA A Donkey’s Life Story?

    • Her obsession with her dead grandma’s clothes is worrying.

      I can smell the mothballs in that crumpled old coat.

      Jesus, Donkey, give it a good dry-clean at least.

      • Grandmother. Always Grandmother. None of this Grandma shit. No talking like the hoi polloi in the fine society circles of Wilmette, IL.

  7. She chummed the waters and the parasites all came calling.

  8. Yeah, right. Donkey will finish something never. I know people like her. They start a million things and never finish a GD one. Not one. How tiresome.

    Donkey, get a stylist. I think I’ve offered this suggestion about 9384759387459437 times. Please. You look cheap every time.

    • She looks ten years older than her age and it would be so easy for her to fix that.

      • By getting a more natural hair color and losing the old-lady coat perhaps? Then there’s the big mom purse.

        • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

          And her skin is shot to hell. Both from too many cheapo injections and not enough sunscreen. That’s the biggest ager

  9. So she has a new “project” and instead of getting them excited about the concept, she wants them to gush over and help with “the name and the word smithing (sic) of it.” Wordsmithing of the NAME? Or of the project? Plus, “project”? Who describes a business as a project? That implies a short-term endeavor that has a finite deadline, like remodeling a kitchen, or color-coding your self-help books.

    She has no idea what to do and is just flailing.

    • The appearance of “word smithing” made my day! Yet another example of Donk letting her intellectual acumen freak flag fly. Of course, not a single one of her genius woo grifter buddies called her on it. Thank goodness she won’t have to write that podcast and I guarantee that’s the project. Why else would the likes of Annie Lalala, Jena la Fraud, and Alley Katz be so eager to help?

  10. Different outfit, still looks like Thrift Store Barbie. Can’t she get Sugar Dodi to take her clothes shopping?

    • What’s funny is that she thinks this is cool vintage clothing, when it is basically frumpy old lady clothing owned by a woman who was at least in her 60s when she bought it 30-plus years ago. Try wearing something from Marilyn when she was in her 20s-30s, Donkey. Now that would be cool.

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        She wouldn’t fit into any of it. Shit back then was made TINY. Even cute’n’tiny

          • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

            Only if the tops are sleeveless!

  11. I imagine Grandmother’s response to JA’s wish for a conversation. “Eh, I’m good. I’ll see you when I see you.”

Comments are closed.