The Blondes

This is presumably Jordan Reid’s new beau, the Tinder hookup she just met. They’re “truly, madly, deeply, reciprocally” in love, though wasn’t she was in love with a Malibu real estate agent just eight weeks ago? Her kids must be enjoying the see-sawing, when they’re not being exploited for page views.

I can’t keep up with this big phony, though I did get a kick out of her inane followers praising Jordo for her “courage and vulnerability.” Is that what they’re calling emotional cripples these days?

Jordo is now posting about cacao and her nutso partner-in-narcissism, Francesca. “And if you had told me – as Francesca did … Anyway, I was staying over at Francesca’s house and she was all ‘let me make you this amaaaaaazing drink with unsweetened cacao powder and raw honey!’”

Also, what looks like fetish porn is now available on IG:

In other blonde madness, Kristina Block, Avocado’s Russian mail-order bride, has a new website, “Authentic Embodiment” (HA! Take that, inauthentic Jordan Reid!), that’s straight out of the woo grifter playbook. Kristina offers up the same ol’ goddess slop including retreats to “Awaken Queendom” and “Admiration vs. Envy.”

“This is the 7th chakra crown, the seed of consciousness, intelligence, connection to the divine, beliefs.”

The former Eastern Bloc model is also pushing psycho masks “for healing, transformation and creative self-expression” that would be more appropriate in a Dario Argento horror show than in the real world. Interested parties can “schedule a call” to discuss purchasing a mask from Kristina. I’d yell “Let the haggling begin!,” but the contact link doesn’t even work. How very Donkey!

In San Francisco, HIVE’s Faith Shorney, AKA Faith Reed, Ryan Allis’s second-in-command – they are so NOT romantically involved – is liking Ali Shanti’s craptastic YouTube videos and posting a lot of FB clap trap about her swami and what reads like LSD flashbacks. Faith also posted a two-year-old story about RFK, Jr. offering 100k to anyone who can prove vaccines are safe, not because Faith is an anti-vaxxer, nooooooooo, she just wants us to have better quality vaccines, which is the same argument just about every anti-vaxxer trots out.

Finally, because Ryan won’t even spring for Faith’s health insurance but could fork over the big bucks to have woo-larious Marianne Williamson give the keynote at HIVE’s upcoming August shitshow, here’s a blonde we all like:

40 COMMENTS

  1. Yeah, that’s gross; obviously her whirlwind 6-weeks-before-marriage to Kenny disaster taught her nothing. Hopping dick-to-dick in record time is fine when you’re a single serial-monogamist, but she’s got kids now. The thirst is real.

    (Also, her summer “uniform” is back, according to IG story: hoochie cut-off’s and heels. Much like Donk and heinous footwear, some things never change.)

  2. She’s in a downward spiral but with the social media echo chamber of cheerers, she can’t see it before it is too late.
    Also fascinating the number of kooks that Topanga attracts.

    • I was reading comments in the “The Performer” post and was astounded by the enablers, though there were some negative comments, most of which appear to have been removed unless a white nit came in to rescue Jordan. However, this exchange remains:

      Allison • 5 days ago
      No offense but the whole ‘I’m head over heels in love!’ thing strikes me as inauthentic when you just wrote two weeks ago about how you’re not sure how you’ll ever love again with abandon. How long have you known this person? 4 seconds? Why don’t you take some time to be alone? You’ve had two boyfriends that you’ve been “in love with” in the less-than-a-year since your divorce. Please chill out.

      jordanreid Mod Allison • 4 days ago
      All due respect, part of the point of this post was to explain that you don’t always know the whole story. Your facts are inaccurate here, as is your reading of the post I put up two weeks ago.

      I am not a cynic, and never will be. I’d venture to say, having read your comments and emails on my choices for many years now, that you are. Agree to disagree.

      Allison jordanreid • 4 days ago
      You’re right – I don’t know the whole story because you choose to only tell parts. That’s fine, but don’t get frustrated with an opinion because of a choice you’re making about leaving parts of your life out. I also never said you were a cynic! Yes, agree to disagree!

      • “your facts,” no sweetie there are just the facts. She is allergic to truth and accountability like the rest of the social media slithering parasites.

      • Yes Jordan, folks who criticize your free spirited open heart are cynics and you are a failed past her prime wannabe actress/host/lifestyle guru in a sad Coachella cosplay outfit with the cheapest looking tit job this side of Tampa. What a wonderful role model you are for your two kids.

        But agree to disagree.

      • A friend of mine had in her divorce agreement that nobody could introduce the kids to a new partner before 6 months of exclusive dating.

        People put that kind of clause in their agreements for a reason: children are vulnerable to the emotional roller coaster of decisions made an untamed coochie / wang.

        Of course, Glambo couldn’t care less.

        • Yes, I’ve known of similar clauses, but airbrushed Glambo’s happiness comes first, as she’s shown time and time again.

        • I doubt that Kendrick expected her to act like such trash. I certainly thought she had more sense than this. What Glambo needs to understand is that it’s not just the kids who will suffer, it’s her long-term relationship with the kids. I don’t know a single parent of young children/teens whose revolving door of SOs did not come back to haunt them.

  3. She is shoring fragments against her ruins, to quote Eliot. She’d be far better off just looking at the bare facts and calling them by name, as sad and scary as that is (for all of us).

    • Maybe he’ll offer her a co-starring role in what’s sure to be a hit series?

      HA! Take that, Rob McElhenney!

        • Perfect! Nearly all of her fauxtos on her website and IG look airbrushed to oblivion.

          • Wow. Just. Wow.

            Three cheers for the Botoxed blonde!

            “See, but the choice to post completely unfiltered photos 100% of the time is fine. For you.

            Taking it beyond the realm of photo retouching: There are also a lot of people who wouldn’t get Botox (as I do), or wouldn’t get a breast augmentation (as I did). Do those choices make me vain? Sure; of COURSE there’s a (significant) element of vanity there. And my approach to aging – and to beauty in general – is something I try to remember to keep checking in with myself about: why do I get highlights? Or apply anti-wrinkle serum? Or wear oversize shirts because I feel shy about my muffins sometimes? Do I do these things for someone else, or do I do them for ME? If the answer is the latter (and it isn’t always so)…I think I’m okay with that.

            There are some major shades of grey when it comes to how each one of us handles societal beauty standards/the aging process/our own search for something approaching a solid sense of self-esteem, and my feeling is has always been, essentially, to each her (or his) own. I see bloggers with obviously wayyyyy overfiltered/retouched/airbrushed photos on IG all the time – filtering far beyond what my own personal tastes would lend me to do – and do I internally roll my eyes sometimes? Sure I do. I’m as guilty of judging people for making different choices than I would as the next person. But I do not like that that’s my response. And so, when this happens, I check myself: I remember that those women I see are humans with their own insecurities, and who make their own decisions based on their own personal belief systems that I cannot even begin to comprehend, because I am not them and I have not walked in their shoes.

            And so while I may sometimes judge these women – even though I wish I did not – where I stop is at shaming them for their choices. Just as I would hope they would not shame me for mine. This world is hard enough to navigate as a woman – and a woman confronting the reality of approaching middle age in a society that very much prioritizes eternal youthfulness, at that – without us going at each others’ throats over the ways, both large and small, “valid” or “invalid” (which is of course subjective), that we make ourselves feel confident and happy and beautiful and strong.”

      • Weirdly, Rob now follows her on Instagram. Considering all the shit she’s talked about him over the years I wonder if it’s for the lols.

        • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

          Or to see if she says shit about him that needs to be dealt with

          • And to shut her up re: the negative comments? He’s a success, as his his talented wife, and he certainly doesn’t want to deal with a bitter ex-girlfriend’s social media drive-by shootings.

      • It was only up for 24 hours on IG’s quick feed. An RBDer screenshot the photo and sent it to us.

  4. My view: dating drama feels more normal to Jords than just dealing with marriage problems and making compromises like the rest of us boring married with kids people do. Cue divorce and moving far from her ex and dating up a storm.

  5. He looks familiar. And how after just getting out of a marriage that produced two kids, being in love with someone else since then and then again this week seem like a good idea to introduce to your kids and post about online. These people are shameless, clueless and soulless.

  6. Faith Reed abandoned her husband and child to work for Hive, which has become a long-standing joke among legit entrepreneurs. She’s a real piece of work.

    • We’ve been receiving mail in our in-box re: Allis and Reed/Shorney. Perhaps you sent something along? The only thing posted to RBD involved Allis & aya & legal woes.

      Have you any idea why Julia Allison and her tribe are seemingly no longer affiliated with HIVE? Might it have something to do with college chum [REDACTED]’s sudden departure from a top position? Feel free to email: gillyblakejourno@yahoo.com

  7. I have mostly stopped reading her because the absolutely tornado of bullshit that gathered right around the time of her divorce has reached levels that I would never have expected from the woman that I read and really enjoyed for her fun, insightful takes on everything from female friendships to hosting dinner parties for literally nearly a decade, but this one takes the cake.

    It is totally possible and lovely if she has found love twice in the past year. But her inability to accept any criticism at all–no matter how gently the red flags are raised–is in and of itself a red flag. I, along with I think the majority of her readers, want her to be happy and believe that she deserves happiness. But she is essentially flinging herself from place to place, person to person, activity to activity and if she was my in-real-life friend, I would have sat her down by now and been like, dude, wtf gives. There is no external source of permanent happiness, and no amount of staying on this frenetically-paced roller coaster she has put herself (and her children, and her ex-spouse) on will change that fact. I get that we are all trying to find a way to the light, and I’m glad shes found people and places and things that are helping light her up, but she is doing it at the expense of her children and apparently her mental and emotional well-being. It is not quirky or charming or ~*whee! aren’t i fun?*~ to have the kinds of highs and lows she’s experiencing, and I deeply, sincerely hope that she is talking very candidly with her therapist about how to shore up her internal happiness. Incidentally, that requires being authentic. I know she’s acknowledging her inauthenticity here, but is she doing it so she can check the “my therapist says I’m inauthentic, I posted about it, and it’s done! I dealt with it!” kind of way? or in a “wow! this is a deeply problematic way to exist and I’m sharing it because I need to do a lot of soul-searching to figure out how to fix it?” Because to be completely transparent, it feels like the former.

    At the end of the day, everyone gets to be whoever they want, but Jordan used to strike me as someone who kind of gave a shit: about herself, about the people she loved, about being a good person. She doesn’t strike me that way anymore. And maybe it’s just a post-divorce spiral, but it’s really fucking hard to watch an adult woman play act being a teenager–let alone an adult woman with kids. The whole thing is tawdry and kind of sad.

    • I’ve never followed Jordo, but two RBDers who have echo your sentiments. I’m hoping she goes on meds to manage the mood swings and impulsive behavior.

      When cataloging the 2009 entries, I came to find her the most likable person in the Donkey show, and the comments about old Jordo are all quite positive, with readers discussing her smart, helpful tips re: decor, food, clothes, etc.

      • Unicorn Studded Rainbow Named Shirley - 1st Ever Commenter on the New Site! 🎉🎊🍾 (NOT Ali Shanti/Alexis Neely/Alexis Katz)

        FWIW, I always thought she was an annoying, twee phony

        • I certainly think she’s a phony in 2019, as does her shrink and ol’ Jordo herself.

  8. Also, as soon as she said she was getting a divorce, she said she had SO MUCH TO SAY about it that she was writing a book. So I guess we’ll find out what happens if *BOOK* is delivered, unlike another *BOOK*.

    • She’s written four published BOOKs, so my money’s on Jordo finishing the tell-all.

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