Hail To The Chief: Christopher Life, AKA Cory Tanner Glazier, To Announce Candidacy For U.S. President

God Bless America! Ali Shanti, Patricia Ellsberg, Isabella Braveheart (or whatever she’s calling herself these days), and Mr. & Mrs. Coresters are proclaiming themselves “the future of political party.” Does that future include bad grammar? If so, your aunt Gilly is out!

One Nation Under Delusion

The country’s political future might also include Christopher Life in the Oval Office. A tipster tells us the long-lost Gibb brother is poised to announce his candidacy for president. No word yet on his running mate. Perhaps wife Adelle Juliet, who is changing her name to Sophia Life. No joke, bunnies.

Check out Cory’s platform. His voice breaks into a near sob when a title card announcing a “safe space to heal our pain & divides” pops up at the at the 13:40 mark. Dear God, the grammar alone is enough to disqualify him!

Is Judy Albertson on board here? Has Cory Christopher promised her Secretary of State in exchange for a hefty Baugher donation? She did, after all, bring him home to meet Momsers, whom one would guess was hit up to invest in the ill-fated MediMeals operation.

Donk cheered on Christopher and Adelle Sophia (sorry, this name change is so new!) for being homeless and living out of their Tesla. I would hope other friends and parental units are a bit more concerned. I can see these two ending up like the Randy and Evi Quaid of the aya-and-cacao set. “The woowackers are after us and we had to escape to Bali!”

Bottom Picture! Kate Smith shows Cory & Adelle the exit. Oops, did it again! Kate Smith shows Christopher & Sophia the exit.


    • The tip indeed appeared in our inbox on April 1, as did a long, eyebrow-raising tip on HIVE (complete with supporting documents), but the Cory tipster mentioned a few other things that led me to believe we weren’t being punked.

  1. He needs professional help. I am sad for his son (Sophia can make her own choices, wevs).

    Lord, these people are tiresome. It’s the same few tiny ideas over and over.

    • Now, now, when have any of them announced a run for political office?

      The times they are a-changin’.


    • I hope they get enough money to rent a studio apartment.

      Where does his kid stay when visiting? In the trunk of the Tesla?

  2. These people are bonkers. If you want to help people and make a difference in your community, why not be a non-woo doctor, a non-scammy lawyer, a teacher, a social worker, a member of your city council, an organic farmer, a park ranger, a trained therapist, a volunteer nature guide, a volunteer at an animal shelter? Judy and her dumb “tribe” think they’re too special to have jobs, so they do nothing. They’d rather jet off to a Bali vacation than actually get involved in their own [OMG Western yuck gross evil] communities.

    Don’t like San Francisco, Julia? Get involved, instead of complaining. There are thousands of poor, homeless, helpless people *right in your own city* who could use a hand… and you have two sausage snappers hands that sit idle all day along. I have no greg-damn idea what your interests are (except for putting on plastic costumes and taking pictures of yourself at parties or on vacation), but there has to be *something* you can channel into meaningful work and a purpose in life.

    • Teaser Trailer: We’ll be visiting some of those poor San Francisco souls tomorrow in a story that makes me LIVID!!

      And fuck your SJW posts, Julie. When did you ever get out there and commit yourself to anything involving actually improving the USA? Talk is cheap, asshole.

        • And then she snotted that the needy family had a Mercedes in the driveway, and thus were undeserving of Her Majesty’s largesse.

          She also complained that she spent THIRTY MINUTES on the phone, trying to volunteer* at a nursing home, and was SHOCKED that they didn’t seem to need her help. That was the beginning and end of her volunteer work.

          *By “volunteer,” she meant she’d clomp around in a Care Bear onesie, scouting for Chanel handbags to inherit.

      • She has made excellent suggestions about moving the homeless people to Oakland, where they belong. It is up to others to follow through, obviously.

        • Yes, Dodi, this is who you are marrying, LOL. Someone with so much compassion for the less fortunate that she boasted about having them all moved to Oakland. This is who you want to have children with FOR SURE.

  3. Donkey brought him to meet Robin because of Robin’s involvement with a hospice organization and to find out their possible interest in his products. Something they probably could have done over the phone.

    • I’ve always believed Donk wanted to be the next Mrs. Life. She was too gushy, too all over him. Subtle has never been her middle name.

      • I don’t mean to LOL at his circumstances but thinking about Donkey living out of a Tesla with her wookie bedspread and old prom dresses makes me laugh… a little too hard.

  4. how does being homeless and living out of a tesla work? what i mean is, where do they charge up the tesla?

  5. Ali Shanti is running for president?

    A rock in every pipe and a dildo on every table!

    • Christopher Life is running for president. If elected, I hope he asks Ali to be his Secretary of State. She’s so well versed in foreign relations. Ba donk donk!

  6. It’s morons like this who will throw 2020 to Trump by fragmenting the Democratic Party.

    • Oh, yes yes yes.

      80,000 of those morons, i.e. a tiny drop in the great American voting bucket, gave us the Orange Presidency.

      The vote difference in WI, PA, and MI combined is about 80,000.


  7. Feminist Donkey weighs in.

    Did you work on her campaign, Julia? Write any of her speeches? We know you were nearly Obama’s speechwriter and might have been tempted to put your writerly writing skills to work for AOC.

    • She’s internalizing the critical coverage because modeling your life after a late 90’s tv character is exactly the same as holding national elected office.

  8. I’m an emotional person, but *that* was exhausting. I feel like I need to watch a violent Tarantino or thoughtful suspense thriller to cleanse the palate and balance out the emotive overload. Jesus, dude, a steady income, permanent housing and some therapy would solve a world of your hurt over trying to make a political third party happen. I mean, by all means, dream big, hon, but priorities. Maybe set your sights on a house of your own (roof without wheels) before the White House because charity starts at home, not the car. I’m not saying I haven’t had thoughts of changing the world myself every once and again, but I often found taking the pressure off financially by getting a day job and a little therapy to order my thinking resolved the triggers bouncing around in my short-term memory that had me resolved to heal the world.

    • CI, The spiel is embarrassingly silly, on the level of a college sophomore and I lost it when we got to the “safe space.”

      Watching the Tarantino-esque “Bad Times at the El Royale” in your honor.

  9. I watched the video and it was 20 minutes of pure nonsense. He talked a lot but really said nothing of import. I can’t believe the audience sat through that. Why can’t these woo folks just get a job?!

    • I had it on when doing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. I’d occasionally peek at the screen, especially when Christopher/Cory’s voice would break for the umpteenth time and he seemed certain to break into tears and never cease sobbing.

      Not a lot of substance, anything concrete. Mostly pie-in-the-sky idealism and lots of nostalgia about the founders, which was a little odd.

      There appeared to be five middle-aged folks in the “audience,” that’s it, probably the same number who watched this video on YouTube.

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