What Happens In Vegas: Jackie Susann Loves THIS MAN! (And Her ’60s Retro Pantsuit)

Oh, it’s on. It is so on.

94 COMMENTS

  1. Her caption for the new FB profile fauxto reads “I love this man!” However, “this man” only liked the fauxto, he didn’t heart it. Wait for that to change in 3 2 1.

  2. He’s a toddler, he can’t be fucked to lace up anything. He’s literally one step below velcro closures. He’s wearing beat ass slip-ons to a black-tie affair? TACKY TACKY TACKY. Two hick ass peas in a pod.

  3. You know she thought he was whisking her off to her own wedding at the Little White Chapel. “I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and all I got was FUCKED!”

    • Speaking of Jordacted, she is sucking up to Donkey on Instagram. Scheme juices must be bubbling.

      • I saw that too! Liking Donkey’s Vegas shitshow and leaving three hearts in the comments? Malibu Barbie moved past Tiaragate?

        • What is the story with the tiara?

          It has been mentioned a million times, but I don’t know exactly what happened.

        • That is so odd, because Donkey can’t do anything to help Jordumb at the moment. It’s not like Jordache to actually be nice to someone for shits and gigs, rather than to curry favor.

      • Yes desperate desperate in almost thongs and ever showing her padded bod, while exploiting her kids more than Nisha, at least that is her clear gig not Beavers Selling Sisterhood even when she says she doesn’t sell anything for maybe an hour one day, cause she never reads here either.

      • This is kind of disturbing if you ask me. I mean, I guess I should applaud someone who can forgive anything but, JA had at least a small part of, and then a total insensitivity about Kendrick getting fired after they all spent that weekend in ASSpen.

        But worse in my mind, is that JA accused Jordan of stealing large sums of money from their “business”. That, I don’t think I could ever forgive.

        • That was an appalling accusation, completely untrue. I’ll never understand why Jordo didn’t sue her raft ass.

          • Donk probably has dirt on her and even if it wasn’t actionable, maybe it could’ve embarrassed her or caused problems for her

  4. I’m looking at the location, the flooring, the chairs, the costume jewelry…Donkey, stop embarrassing yourself. That was not a black tie wedding (overpaying does not equal classy, btw) and even if it was, those cheap ass rags you’re both wearing are not black tie appropriate. LMAO

        • For YEARS she has been trying to con people into believing that she’s an heiress/trust fund kid from old money.

          • But she’s more gauche than Ellie Mae Clampett and can’t even claim to be nouveau riche.

  5. “Handsome fellow”?

    Tho enlightened…..

    On the plus side, he polished his other pair of Wal-mart shoes!

  6. I am a tad jelly over THIS MAN’s weight loss. I think he looks good.
    And what are the theories on the ring picture post? Begging for comments like “it will be your turn next Rainblow”..or something of the sort?

    • So far the only comment on her six-fauxto IG post has been from Rob Schuham, Donk’s non-lesbian lover’s lover, who wrote: “Oooh fancy!”

      • Yes, the Myka banisher and climate change savior -jetting every week to another mountain or colonial beach

        • The climate change activist wannabe that flies around the world for no fucking reason are the biggest hypocrites on the planet considering FLYING is literally the BIGGEST carbon impact a person can make.

          What, telecommuting a transformstive festival in Bali doesn’t look good on Instagram? No shit, fucktards.

    • He can thank US for that; the Dr. Dad-Bod jape seems to have hit home. That said, I think they look *right* together (and I don’t just mean in the snarky sense of their appalling taste in shoes; based on the pictures, they’re a fit. Bring on the nuptials!)

      • Maybe not. Remember, during his time with her Devin Stetler (of the Easter Island Stetlers) went from slender to skeletal

      • Besides, as I’ve said before…Dad-Bod does not necessarily refer to weight. Underfed and skinny fat all apply.

  7. I dunno… Donk seems to be going to great effort to appear very un-Donk-like… age-appropriate looking dress that is not attention-getting; understated manicure; non-hooker heels, from the looks of it… toned-down Donkey is a bit refreshing.

    Her pantsuit doesn’t do anything for me (I detest frilly, ruffle-ly stuff in particular) but kudos to her if she’s trying to have a style of her own that doesn’t include pink tutus or skirt-pulls of a flammable quincenera dress.

    But his fucking shoes. FFS. He could’ve bought some decent shoes without leaving the hotel, no doubt.

    Lock him down, Donk! The family that farriers together stays together.

    • She dialed back too far on the eye makeup, imo. And you will rarely hear me say that about anybody.

    • Double doctored: PhD (Photoshopped by Donkey) and MD (Mendacious Donkey).

      Sometimes I wonder how she works into her conversations that her BOYFRIEND (She has a boyfriend, you know) has two advanced degrees, because we all know she does.

  8. The hand picture is my favorite. Pretty sure she is trying to Secret (ask, believe, receive baby!) that ring to juuuusssst one more finger over.

  9. Donks doing her imitation of a “lady who lunches”.
    Her poor baby toes look like they are being amputated in those shoes.
    Dodi looks like her brother and will resemble Dadsers soon. That’s all I got.

  10. That first pair of his kicks are so Oh God, Book II, but when 90-year-old George Burns were them with his cigar, they were killer.

    • Love ? this reference. Wasn’t there an Oh God 3 and Burns was dead by that time but still appeared in the movie?

      • Oh, God: You Devil! was the third installment in the series, and Burns was still alive. It’s an absolutely terrible movie. Don’t see it.

        • I totes remember it. Burns played both God and the devil. I remember his eyes flashed red under his glasses when he was the devil and lots of smoking. Ah, the 80s. You know you’re an old when you think back and say, “Those were simpler times.”

  11. This fellow “asked me to be his date” to the black.tie wedding. She is clearly framing that she wants this fellow to “ask her” to be his date for-evah! I’m of two minds on their as yet unpending nuptials: one would enjoy the show, but also it would smug her up so much and there is something so Charlie Brown about her. My bet is she gets another BM wedding, but may be doesn’t get the gold ring off the Playa…

    • “This handsome fella asked me to be his date! Tee Hee HAW!” is so channeling NGMB, circa 1960. Grow the fuck up Donkey. You aren’t 16 and off to Cotillion. You’re in a relationship with a grown man—and btw, Greg knows what you two even can talk about—and all you can do is exaggerate the fancy dress-up events you two hicks attend that most people treat as regular life events, people who don’t photograph their hick shoes and manicure and post pictures of them on social media. OMG I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! LOOK!!!! This is why it never lasts. He is just a placeholder in the romcom photoshoot she calls her sad life.

  12. Did she put him on Jenny Craig? Steal all his Girl Scout cookies? She’s going to have him down to Devin Skeletor size in no time.

    • He seems to be getting thinner and thinner. I’m flashing on Devin’s last appearance with Donkey. In front of the SF Armory. He looked as though he weighed 58 pounds and was about to cry.

      • It was awful, truly. I really do wonder if he wasn’t anorexic. BTW….don’t think I have forgotten we are supposed to be getting intel about what an asshole he is. Though, I can’t say I’m glad about hearing that. For whatever reason, I kind of hoped he was a nice guy.

        • I can’t say anything as of yet. However, I can guarantee he’s NOT married.

  13. Nothing says Classy OMG Black Tie Wedding like demi-long-stemmed grocery store red roses served up out of a maroon cart in a dismal Vegas hotel lobby. Also, WHERE IS THE BABY’S BREATH?

  14. Her eyebrow situation is Not Good.

    The Park MGM is the old Monte Carlo, which has not exactly been a luxury property for quite a while. The renovations are still underway, but they do have yoga! Barf forever.

    NoMad is a stuPid name for a resTaurant.

    • I guess the flooring was last on the upgrade punchlist? Or are they keeping the carpet in vintage throwback? That cold tile, though, screams Austrian bathhouse crime scene from an early aught mafia movie.

  15. Please stop participating in the diary industry: you are contributing to massive suffering, and poisoning your body.

    Let’s see how long it takes she-who-never-reads-here to read here & correct her going-on-six-hours typo.

    • Her participation in the diary industry contributes to massive suffering, but also hilarity.

    • Not too long! It disappeared before I could snip and save it.

      Foiled again. Damn you, Donkey!

      • And inhales noxious fumes from nail polish and remover several times a week. And dyes her hair with dark colors known to cause cancer in rats.

  16. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone with food issues, but omg Dodi Dadbod is.

    He’s lost so much weight, and yes good, health etc.

    But whaaat is this?

  17. Nothing makes her changer her personality like a WALLET. No longer Rainbow, when there’s a man and his $$$ involved.

  18. Yoo Hoo, Alex Marson! I just stumbled across this vid from late 2010. Jacy titled the vid, “Old, Vaguely Familiar Looking Cougar Gives Online Dating Advice.”

    HOLY MERDE! That hair, that voice, that creature! Someone please hold me!

    • Whew! ::snorts; paws ground:: Uh, there uh, ain’t uh, nuttin’ uh, like uh, uh, like uh dumbass donkey uh ::preen:: braying uh, mug-mug-mugging for the uh ::self-satisfied smirk:: camer-uhhh!

      I am glad that she finally found drugs, I truly am.

        • And things changed radically!

          She went from scolding people for improper grammar in their online profiles to scolding people for eating cheese, all while being completely oblivious to her own atrocious writing and the way he treated Lilly (RIP).

    • However, the nod-to-Teresa-Giudice pelts glued halfway down her forehead… ?? Frikken hilareballz

      • Yes, do tell, you, hypocritical, know-nothing scold. Also, “dairy” industry, twit.

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