Breaking News: Trump Appoints Julia Allison, AKA Red Guard Judy, To Head The New Will Hays Office Of Motion Pictures

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Julia Allison, groundbreaking journalist with Tribune Media Services and esteemed cultural critic, best known for her award-winning Weekly World News piece “Goebbels Got It Right,” has been appointed by President Trump to head the new Will Hays Office of Motion Pictures. As film czar, Ms. Allison’s first job will be to rid American screens of content that she personally dislikes. Instead of a new Jordan Peele horror film and other such atrocities, Ms. Allison promises only wholesome fare for the fall slate of American movies. Get ready for some exciting remakes of your favorite romantic comedies!

It has come to the attention of the White House that a handful of talented renegade filmmakers are refusing to play by the new rom-com rules. The two movies depicted below were produced without Office of Motion Pictures approval. Anyone having knowledge of the parties involved is required to report this information to OMP or risk arrest and detainment at the notorious Lakeside Assisted Living Facility.

40 COMMENTS

    • I had to do something, Brayella. Those comments endorsing censorship and her PSYCH 101 analysis of filmmakers made me livid. Fortunately, RBDers created these great film ads back in the day.

      • I have most if not all of those film jackets and book covers saved on my (dead) laptop… Sure wish I could get to them. Do you have the one that looks like th Morton salt girl and it has John Mayer on it?

        • I don’t have the Morton salt girl image or the hilarious Eat Bray Love mockup on this computer, though I might have them and other lost images on a desktop that’s in storage. We lost a lot of images when using WordPress as a server for roughly 15 months. Amazingly, the movie poster mockups survived.

          • Excellent work Gilly. Julia’s multiple personae and wide ranging, idiotic policy suggestions contradict themselves so much and this was an amazing response.

            Julie won’t understand, of course. “Dad! They’re being mean again!!!”

    • I found the film ads when cataloging the 2009 entries and saved them for use at a later date. Aren’t they great? RBDers created them for a contest that JP was holding!

      • I am very amused at how many different photos there are with her jaw unhinged. Why would you do that?

        Can we have a contest again? Maybe a vision board for her wedding in honor of #Ringwatch2019? I’ll chip in for a Rain Phutureprimitive (the man she actually wants to marry) download for the winner.

        • She does that gaping maw pose to make her photos look authentic and as if she’s oh so spontaneously having so much fun!

        • I call it the Anaconda pose.

          She could swallow a horse without chewing with that mouth.

        • One of the rare times she’s pushed the LEARN button is that she’s mostly stopped doing the gaping maw grimaces in photos.

          Now she does the “looking up at the camera in wonder with a closed-mouth smile,” like a superannuated Wendy in an extremely dollar-store production of Peter Pan. Also bizarre, but better.

          • “looking up at the camera in wonder with a closed-mouth smile” – as if she were starring in a Spielberg movie. It’s his signature shot, from Close Encounters to The Color Purple, but occasionally with mouth open.

        • Well, ok. But first some posts on Partypants, Donk’s new doctor friend (not Dodi), and an RBD Powerpoint show? Maybe a post on Devin’s recent bad behavior too?

          Such. A. Tease.

          • I vote for a Devin post.

            He will always have a special place in my heart as the man who introduced the Donkey to the woo scene and hard drugs.

  1. As she gets older, it’s going to become increasingly more difficult for her to peddle this thought diarrhea. While some may’ve tolerated a moderately attractive twenty-something twit thinking presentation and perception substitutes for substance, most will have less patience for a middle-aged, bark-mouth scold demanding western democracy police art over action. (Doesn’t she have a government or poli-sci degree from Georgetown? There’s got to be a trustee somewhere biting his fist that he ever took Petey’s call when Indiana U chewed her up and spit her out.)

    Honey, you know what we actually need to ban? Actions that have a direct causal link to actual harm and infringe on the rights and liberties of others, like say stalking, harassment, credit card fraud, breaking and entering, theft of personal property, fraud by misrepresentation, extortion, illegal subletting/breach of contract, conversion, defamation, hacking… I could go on. But, oh, wait. That’s right. We already have law against those *actions*. But Judy doesn’t like the internet, courts, media, bosses, co-workers, parents, professors, publishers, editors, lawyers, commenters, cops or people with conscience telling her what she can and cannot do. So, she makes up her own rules, constitutionally protected free speech be damned, in order that the thick-headed, coddled baby donkeys (aka “all the girls”) that come after her aren’t lead astray by the next TV show about sex and clothes or, Greg forbid, a scary movie trailer. The statistically significant improbability that the suburbs of Chicago will ever produce a dense donkey creature, of such unrivaled stupidity despite its every privilege, be damned. We make law based on the bizarre exception to the rule now, not the rule, in donktown. This is a goddess created backward world where everything revolves around a donkey, what a donkey wants, what a donkey thinks, or at least it will be “in three to five years. I push it up to five because of the economy.” #Bigthink

    • Yes, she has a degree in Government from Georgetown, barely graduating while alienating faculty, administration, and 99% of the student body. No undergrad was ever more loathed than Julia Allison Baugher.

  2. Can’t decide whether to submit this to the Producers Guild of America or Pulitzer for criticism, but it deserves nominations, all of them.

    • Well, thank you, but I couldn’t hold a candle to Julia’s “Goebbels Got It Right” piece. I will NEVER understand how Philip Kennicott won the Pulitzer during the same year that Ms. Allison was praising the Nazi head of propaganda for truly understanding why all artistic expression should be subject to government censorship.

        • There’s never a wrong time for Caligula Von, Zu, und Immer Vineyardvines-Rawhide.

      • In addition to being the COO of Hive, Kay Lock Day owns a CD manufacturing company? (My early Bowie albums were all on Rykodisc.)

  3. Well, Greg knows art and entertainment is destroying civilization. How we treat each other, the things we do to hurt one another (petty, jealous, vindictive things like breaking up marriages, relationships, families) that’s irrelevant ’cause, I guess, it happened months ago? So, you can hurt others, out of hatefulness and jealousy, as long as you wear pink (or “colors bright”), go by a child’s nickname and claim to be a “catalyst for love”? I guess one could destroy whole families in donktown as long as one planned it on a vision board in colored markers.

  4. OT:

    Friends and pedos! Are you on Instagram?
    I’m there more than I’m here these days.
    Come find me nekid at instagram.com/nishamoodley

    There, fixed that for ya, Noodles! Can I get a free exploratory phone call about how I might become Fierth, Fabulouth, and Free?

      • noodles poodles is so desperate for attention. She wants to hear she is the embody goodness given birth to raven and playing nurse to no vowels. What to say, poodles you want an audience aching to hear from everyone you are the best , exemplified goddess. Honey you are just sad and we are on to your grift.

  5. Do you think she wants to censor art because she thinks adults watch tv and model their lives after it? In favor of MPAA restrictions for adult entertainment in the belief child naiveté is lifelong? It would explain the “permanent and measurable damage to my psyche” comment from a grown woman. Learning/mental disorder or asinine millenialism? There must be some recognition on some level that their burro is special and not in a good way, hence the enabling into mid-life.

    • She claimed she was a neglected child when trying to bond with Rain, though I cannot imagine all the attention in the world would have been enough to satisfy Baby Donks. She’s been guilt tripping them for years for whatever alleged misdeeds they did during the burro’s formative years.

      • She was “neglected” probably because they couldn’t give all her lies the time of day, she probably cried wolf every fucking day since Britt came along.

    • Coming from a woman who modeled her life after Sex In The City. She would have been better off modeling after horror movies.

    • She wants to censor everything around her because she can’t control it. She can’t control what Dadbod et al will find more amusing or sexy or funny or intelligent than her. She equates artistic concept and merit with things like rape and pedophilia because she is too stupid to have any (and/or original) intellectual thoughts about it. It’s bad so it must be bad all around! So because she is so self-centered and too idiotic to understand it, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE ANY OF THIS. STOP. STOP IT NOW.

      Sometimes I also wonder, like you, if she is mentally stunted.

  6. Imagine going to the gym and there’s someone on the treadmill on all fours galloping.

    ^ what my friend’s kid said, apropos of nothing. Donkey sigting? I laughed way too hard.

    • Hilarious but we all know this bitch doesn’t run. I’ve seen her “run”, it’s all for show and not a whole lot of running.

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