Ariel White, AKA Dead Russian Hooker #2, Proclaims February “Self-Abuse Month”

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Dumb, oversexed Ariel White’s contribution to our planet consists of hiring Balinese women (cheap labor!) to sew the yoni dolls that she markets online. Ariel has been popping up in various places clutching those dolls. This month she held a week-long Facebook challenge during which she hawked her cheap fabric vaginas under the pretense of promoting “self-love.”

The challenge? Apparently it had something to do with pampering and pleasuring oneself as much as possible for seven days. Certainly this wouldn’t have been a formidable goal for anyone in the dead hooker’s tribe? And Ariel’s commitment was so sincere: she only bothered posting encouragements for three of those seven days.

I couldn’t find any link that explained the seven days. Tho profethinal! Like Jordan Reid, Ariel presumably learned the secrets of self-promotion from A Donkey.

Bottom GIF! Because it never gets old:

88 COMMENTS

  1. Ariel, February is Black History Month. From one white lady to another: F-ing stop. Your fanny is literally hanging out.

    • I nearly noted that in the post. Of course, there’s no mention of February being best known as Black History Month anywhere on her site.

  2. I have sent that gif with no explanatory note to just about everyone I know and the responses break down into:

    1. Oh my God; no, that can’t be real. It is? Oh, bless her heart.

    2. That woman is hilarious! Look how authentically she’s mocking the wooey Burning Man new-age idiot woman in touch with her divine goddess sexuality or whatever the hell they call it! Hahahahaha.

    To be fair most of the responses were the latter; it was my older (and somewhat kinder) friends who supplied the former.

    I also send that gif to my brother about every other day. He’s having an extremely rough go of things lately and finds Ariel’s dancing endlessly amusing. So I sincerely want to thank her for that – Ariel, you have actually significantly improved someone’s day! A few times, no less. Not perhaps the way you might have wanted, but let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth.

    • I do love the GIF, especially because it looks like a parody when it’s actually DRH2’s “authentic” self.

      Re: your brother, Kc Baker’s “music video manifesto” has the same impact on me. I could be in the dump of dumpsters, as Britney Spears would say, and Kc’s porno raincoat, cowgirl boots, and cryface leave me in stitches.

      • This is a drinking game. Drink every time she makes a sexual reference. “So ripe.” “We’re aching.” “Just please, don’t hold it in.” “It’s tempting.” “The giant suck of resistance.” “Nestled deep within.” “The mountains inside you.” “That which is longing.” “Physical benevolent force.” “We’re waiting. *audible moan* We’re waiting for you.”

    • JFC. You could easily say this is from one of those cultish churches that have the coffee shop/electric guitar/blue jeans allowed/rock concert worship gatherings. Gives me the creeps.

      • Titling your lousy, overlit musical hodgepodge video “The Living Truth” seems more appropriate for a tent revival.

        Also, maybe Petey P. got rid of any long shots when editing this shitshow because there weren’t that many attendees?

      • Yep, that’s the point I turned it off because I didn’t want my cat to leave when he had just settled down with me under the blanket! Here’s to our loving puppers and kitties.

    • Proving once again how the movie spinal tap was so ahead of its time in so many ways

      “Befoe i met Janine, my life was cosmically in shambles”

      • There are some talented singers in this video. The stark contrast makes clear how ridiculously untalented she is.

        • JFAing to say this was probably also the reaction to Jordacted in the Always Sunny pilot. Pretty blond girls always think they are way more talented than they actually are.

          • I absolutely adore Kaitlin Olson in PHILADELPHIA and THE MICK. She’s fearless and incredibly talented. I cannot imagine Jordo actually creating anything along the lines of a character.

          • Me and my husband were so bummed that they canceled The Mick. Network execs get it wrong on so many occasions. It’s no wonder Netflix is making a killing.

          • Jordan’s retcon was that the network didn’t want her because she was “too pretty,” which, honey. Jordan has interesting looks and all, but Kaitlin Olson is much more television-pretty, as well as being a strong comic actor. No contest between the two.

    • It is the height of cruelty that there is no easy way to fast forward through this video. Watching, fast forwarding, watching a few seconds more, fast forwarding, end, is the only way I can watch any of these.

  3. I totally get how much fun it is to perform music with other people. I’m doing it tonight. What bugs me about everything these grifters do in Donkey’s orbit is they overvalue and package it all into some kind of earth-shattering transformational experience that only they think are gifted enough to bestow upon the world. It is pure branded narcissism. There are far better people doing this kind of thing every freaking day who aren’t deluded and vain enough to insist that they are some magical and spiritual gift to humanity.

    • This. I don’t want to be told a musician is the most amazing thing since sliced bread and I’d better get on the bandwagon, which is much of the strategy here. Sure, music PR folks engage in outrageous hype, but I’ve never heard one of them insisting their client would be changing the world, therefore give her $6k a month.

        • It is likely just my own burnout. I participate in a discussion board where I swear, starting a couple months ago, every third post ends with some throwaway sentence about how this is the worst timeline.

  4. OT: Daddy teaches Avocado, “a spoiled kid” from Calabasas, the importance of work.

    So, David, you bought the Brooklyn pad and Boulder house on your own? ‘Cause I highly doubt it. Paging Julie Hagerty!

    David Block
    15 February at 20:25 ·
    What is one thing you learned from your parents that they tried to teach you when you were younger that you were ABSOLUTELY SURE they were wrong about? (and of course turned out to be correct)

    I want to share one from my father Mitchell Block. Mom you’re in another post.

    When I was 16 growing up in Calabasas, all my friends had new cars. They were RIDICULOUS. Some had 60-100K FIRST CARS. I wasn’t expecting that, but growing up where I did, I EXPECTED something, other than my 10+ year old honda accord (my first car), which was awesome btw.

    Being a spoiled kid from Calabasas, I figured it was my birthright to have a new first car. Isn’t that what ALL 16 year olds had?

    HERE IS THE WISDOM FROM DAD (Which I use ALL THE TIME today).

    “How will you ever learn the VALUE of money if I just give you everything?”

    My response. FUCK YOU! You want me to have some piece of shit car? (I can see my little 16 year spoiled mug now!) In hindsight it’s still a great car (ANY CAR is a great car and one should be deeply grateful)

    I couldn’t see it.

    17 years later it’s crystal clear.

    I went from scrubbing toilets and cleaning equipment at the gym (my first job at 15, yes, Dad insisted I get a job) to playing some of the most incredible stages in the world, and I EARNED every penny along the way . You know what, it tastes soooooooo much better this way.

    And I finally got my new car (earned by making music/art from my heart)

    • Yeah, I am sure he made enough money to afford the apartment in Brooklyn by playing the graveyard shift at dirtfests and at venues that charge like $5 a piece.

      I also believe he bought a brand new BMW by scrubbing toilets at the gym.

    • what a phony. You knew he was dim since he was with donk. hope he doesn’t get that dimwitted tinier and cuter and slimmer russian bride preggers, she is praeying for it as a hook and lash to that hard earned (yeah right) dough!

    • “I ONLY got a USED CAR on my 16th birthday” is right up there with Donkey’s “small gift of $10,000” for entitled cluelessness.

        • In other entitled-people snark, I read Porochista Khakhpour’s memoir Sick recently. It was interesting and well-written, but there were some face-palmy moments of entitlement, like when she was describing how rough her family had it when they came to the US from Iran by telling the horrifying tale of how they had to live in an apartment with only ONE BATHROOM for the four of them! Can you imagine?

    • related: donk’s Ubud airbnb sublet she was subletting is down, that lease was up and dadsers swallowed the final weeks costs

    • Great read. “In January, one of the organizers of a conference called Summit — “a TED–meets–Burning Man–type learning festival for entrepreneurs” — described Tulum to me as the ideal spot for the “intimate 400-to-500-person event” spread over 21 hotels on the beach.” Just another playground for the trustafarian set.

  5. To RBDers asking about the March 2010 Jordan/Donk fallout: I discovered Kendrick was FIRED from his job because they were stuck in Aspen, which Donkey then brayed to an RBDer! See below. Julia also told anyone who would listen that Jordan stiffed NonSociety for thousands of dollars, even though Jordan never received a dime from the imaginary bidness corporation. Our burro told this whopper to save face when Jordan cut all ties to Julia.

    ——— FORWARDED MESSAGE ———-
    FROM: JULIA ALLISON
    DATE: THU, MAR 11, 2010 AT 5:38 PM
    SUBJECT: RE: THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS
    TO: LEGO WIG

    I DON’T THINK IT’S VERY FUNNY THAT KENDRICK GOT FIRED. I THINK IT’S SAD. WE’RE ALL ROOTING FOR HER TO GET A JOB THAT PAYS SO SHE CAN SUPPORT THEM NOW THAT HE’S OUT OF WORK.

    SENT FROM MY IPHONE

    • Confirming, once again, that even amongst all the cray, she is truly the worst. That allegation that Jordacted owed her money despite J having never been paid for anything incenses me. That type of spiteful sh-t trying to further hurt folks she already hurt because of her recklessness is the kind of thing that karma assures comes back to you.

      • Her scheme juices surely flowing overtime after a silent Vday in anticipation of this birthcray.. can’t wait till she emerges from social media lockdown (per dadsers?) in whatever way…

        • I think we have to accept that #ringwatch2019 is now melding with #birthcray2019.

          If Dodi Dadbod does not honor her birthday in a truly public (Instagrammable) and spectacular fashion, the wildebeest will emerge and he will be in serious trouble.

          Pass the popcorn, please.

        • Julia is such a cheapskate leech, it was probably, “My boyfriend paid for xyz so you owe ME money” or, more Julia-ish, “I received a free coupon for xyz, so you per me the cash value of the coupon.”

          How many thousands does Julia owe to various people she’s stiffed???

  6. So Jena was on a plane to Switzerland a couple of days ago to see her husband, but no fauxtos or posts about it yet?????

    • Might want to have a look at the snowsuit. It’s, um, well. Just have a look. The window-licker and his abandoned bride out did themselves with stupid. “See, I do have a real absentee husband and can be with him in real life if I chase him across the planet. #thisislove”

  7. ot smellsberg no longer “in a relationship” status with whomever the sex goddess sandmer was

    • He’s been posting a lot about his new series on investing. I hope he’s not going into another manic phase.

      • Hope not. I find him tiresome and self-important, but mania is so dreadful and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

        • And yet if he released the self important and tiresome schticks he’d not be so manic.
          I should be a Life Coach.

  8. h, Gills, might want to check out the visual snack Mangina has left us. Seems he traded in his horned headdress for, well, you tell me what you’d call it. Fivehead went all the way across Greg’s green Earth to prove to us that her disease of a husband still exists and loves her so much that he will deign to be on the same continent when she forces him to and pays and insists on photo evidence under threat of violence. These woos. The laufs come as regular as their antifungal meds.

    • She really flew across the world to see this guy who has shown her zero attention on social media, (and irl) if that’s a sign, despite her fairly desperate posts… So sad and no sister or friend to snap her out of this. Only possible light was if he was going her like 100000 grand to marry for the card. But he begged for presents for his already existing kids. She trying to get preggers…. natch

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