Ali Shanti & Nye The Crypto Guy Want To Hire YOU!

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2060

The Shantress and Fozzie may no longer be together, much to Colby Collins’s sadness, but they’ve still got one thing in common: These wildly successful entrepreneurs are both looking to hire suckers smart, ambitious folks who’d kill their own mothers for a quarter.

The old raunch actually has just one opening, for a membership coach. If there’s anyone you hated at university or in law school, be sure to send them Ali’s way. Legal notice: we’ve heard Ms. Neely/Shanti no longer requires new hirees take mandatory blowjob classes.

Fozzie, AKA Nye the Crypto Guy, DJ Majii, and Michael Austin Jacobs, is looking for contributors. How much do you think he’s planning on PAYING these folks?

Uh, No?

More brilliance from Fozzie will see us out!

Ouch, a Shantitown burn:

Tween lashes out at meanies:

63 COMMENTS

  1. It is so interesting to me that he calls himself Crypto Shill Nye. Shill? Talk about truth in advertising. There hasn’t been a more apropos moniker given since the Hamburgler came on the scene.

    And, they both wear masks.

  2. Wait… an Inc 5000 Fastest Growing Company?

    First, they’re number 4897 on the list, and there are about 20 other law firms above them.

    Secondly, it looks like Inc just takes it on faith (and a $195 application fee) that New Law Business Model has $2.4 million of revenue a year with 60% growth, so take that with a pinch of something…

    • Yes, it’s really like those Who’s Who directories you pay to be in. Instagram boutique/snark target Kiki La Rue was in it last year. Shame that she and Shanti didn’t do it the same year for one-stop snarking. Ah, well.

        • She was coif, on law review, and clerked for an A3 judge. She was at least top 5%.

          Law schools don’t have to rank because biglaw firms get a report each yr with the curves each school use and the right % of students at each GPA band, i.e. 3.5-3.59 at NYU is top 20% but would be top 10% at Chicago, etc. The report also contains the law review selection process and cutoffs, etc. It includes secondary journals too. Lots of detail that helps account for variance been schools.

          GULC also takes a ton of transfers, such that apples to apples ranking among students would be basically impossible. I’m not sure if this is still true, but GULC and GW used to take like 100 transfers a yr from lower ranked schools, often making the transfers pay full price even though they had hefty scholarship at their tier 2 schools. This always seemed silly to me bc many of these ppl ended up hating biglaw or washing out like Ali did. 2 years at Cravath is not working giving up your scholarship to “trade up” to GULC. (Wachtell might be an exception.)

          • Yes, much information was most helpful here but you lost me in that short first paragraph.

            Interesting about transfer acceptance at GULC. The same applies to the undergrad college, which is the only way Judy could have gained admission.

          • Coif is the honors society for law school. You have to be in the top ten percent of your graduating class.

            A3 judges are judges whose powers are described in Article 3 of the US Constitution. So, Federal judges. Those clerkships are the more prestigious.

          • Yes, thanks Albie!

            And no, Gillie, you do NOT sound like Donkey. You are legitimately busy, and doing Greg’s work

  3. Michael Jacobs aka Crypto Shill Nye isn’t hiring he’s looking for people to “lend their time” aka work for free. So more of Julia’s business model.
    Also Inc. is little more than a fraud phone book. Most of the people highlighted are there way to federal prison.

      • We’re about to do discovery in one of my cases where they’ll need to show how much they paid third parties for native advertising in Inc. and if it correlated to the fraudster making their list.
        May I also remind people that both Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos frame and Elon Musk (recent $40 million securities fraud frame) graced the cover of Inc.

  4. deteremined he writes, ugh

    that’s when that colby was poking her and when he done quick she had a fozzy lined up to fluff him, amirite?

    her social media ads are non stop for new model army or business

    • Nearly every FB post turns into an ad for one of her businesses. Even when it seems like a legit post about her family, she somehow manages to work Eyes Wide Shut or some other scam into the post. How does she live with herself?

  5. Any takers on my action that Dodi will put a ring on it this Thursday? I just feel the donk love vibes in the air. I’d even be up for a little “everyone stay quiet” around here so as not to distract the future Mr. Donk from his duties. After she gets the rock, we can all come out of hiding a celebrate with lots of wedding posts. And donk will no longer be able to say we never did anything for her. Alas, we all need to sacrifice if we want this wedding to happen, and I know deep down we all do. Finally, something in the wooniverse that will be truly “Epic”.

    • Hi everyone! It’s been a looooong time since I commented but I have been trying to catch up. I’ve missed so much! I sorted by category to see what was going on with ILYR and hoo-boy… I still have more reading to do but I see her hose-beast ways are still meant to take down anyone and everyone because no one puts Rainbow in a corner.

      Then boom! What’s this I see about Dodi/DadBod/David Berkowitz??? It appears as if she’s back to her Pancakes and mothers-with-powerful sons persona?? There’s a little bit of Prom King-esque it seems also.

      Just a hello and back to catching up on so many missed seasons of the Julie show.

      • Dodi indeed seems the third panel of a shlub-in-the-looks-department triptych that also includes Julia’s GU law school fiancé and Prom King.

      • Totally getting Prom King vibes myself, I think I’d mentioned this a few weeks ago. Not so much about Dr Dodi’s looks, more in terms of how transactional the relationship seems, and so reminiscent to me of those Prom King days of yore.
        that bald DJ rain guy was the one she really fell for, I think.

    • Not sure what this signifies, but her insanely overpopulated Wedding Magic board seems to have disappeared from Pinterest within the last few days. Down for maintenance?

      • Wishful thinking on my part that someone from Dodi’s solar system, or Dodi himself, called her out on being obsessed with weddings. Or maybe Momsers and Dadsers told her to lose it so she wouldn’t scare him away.

        But who the fuck knows?

      • Wow, just checked and it is gone. Recent pins within one day or so to: couples photoshoots, dogs (please NO!), home decor, goddess photoshoots, boudoir photoshoots, photoshoots, new photoshoots, hair and makeup.

        I hope the shallowness and obsession with pictures of herself quickly becomes evident, Dodi family.

        • I’d love to see the look on Ellen’s face as she pages through one of Donk’s scrapbooks.

    • I don’t think our inactivity will inspire him. In fact, the worse we are, the more he will probably want to save his gentle hooved one from her haters. He can only see the kind and gentle Rainbow, whether because of love inspired blindness, eagerness to have his own Wired cover, or dorky scientist lack of attention to his own imminent doom.

      • He asked her out when she was a lurid, unbearable gawker joke, and he was allegedly dating sex workers before Donk finally resigned herself to a date with Dodi. Standards, he has none.

        • He is very book-smart but probably has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old, which may explain why he is porking the Donkey, who also has the maturity of a 13-year-old.

          • Exactly. His original Instagram page appeared to belong to an adolescent. Thank goodness Donk scrubbed it and created a new IG page, complete with Dodi now following Michelle Obama instead of underwear models.

          • I had a boyfriend similar to that — 50 years old, PhD, think tank guy, occasional tv/radio pundit, highly regarded writers, blah blah blah. But he spent waaaaaay too much time slobbering over trashy, often mentally unstable skanks on social media.

            To the point that he once ignored me so that he could chase after one idiot with her tits almost all the way out of her shirt on Facebook

    • I don’t care if they get married or not, I just hope she never has children. That’s just already horrifying.

      • Or even another dog. And she seems to be fixated on dogs right now if her most recent Pinterest activity is any indication.

    • I don’t want it to happen. Just getting a masculine to put a ring on her hoof will make her unbearably smug — like back when she was “working” for Star mag and regularly on TV. Even more if she gets to brag that she’s married to a doctor

        • My thoughts exactly. If not V-Day, she’ll expect it on birthcray. Although, I heard some where that V-Day is a huge proposal day for couples, so I was thinking it’s more likely than birthcray. If neither, then donks is going to lose it a la ashram retreat 3.0.

  6. So what Dumb Nye, the Pathetic Guy is saying is that even though no one sees value in crypto currency right now, it is still valuable to him and about 20 neckbeards. I’ll be sure to put that in my journal tonight.

    His poor mom.

      • Considering the color of his skin, he is going to get away with it, but I am sure someone, somewhere will be footing the bill.

        Best-case scenario, it will be a faceless corporation, worst-case scenario his parents (or some other bystander) are going to lose their life savings, or at least a significant chunk of them.

    • A dickhead moment of bragging on my part: so, my boyfriend made six figures on bitcoin last year. And he recognizes it as a total crock. He bought a couple thousand pounds worth of it (uh, pounds sterling, not wheelbarrows of bitcoin) a few years ago on a whim—he also put a few thousand in a more aggressive stock portfolio, etc. And then he ignored it until there was this bizarre bubble, and sold almost all of it at an absolutely ridiculous profit. He has absolutely no desire to reinvest, because he knows that all he did was get really lucky with his timing. Anyone trying to get in on cryptocurrency now is about three years too late.

      • A friend of mine has a grown son who speculated and cashed in about a year ago. He took his extended family to Japan for a two week vacation. I have no idea how much he made but I do know that they took a pretty expensive-ass trip, staying in top notch accommodations in Tokyo and a few other cities.

      • I think that’s the only way it worked. Get in early sell it to suckers and get all the way out before everyone else realizes it’s a scam. So pretty much like any Silicon Valley startup.

      • A friend of mine did the same 2 or 3 years ago. He bought at some ridiculous price a few years before that & told me to buy at the time but I was too chicken. Oh well, live & learn.

    • That’ll be Croooooow suing for birthing him without permission in a few years, and Scoldly will pay if she’s got any money left over from her last field free-graze moon gig. “I’m so sorry I didn’t ask to pick you up prenatally, to conceive you and haul you to Burning Man…Can you ever forgive us?!” “What brought you to this lowly state?” “It twas…smug poisoning!”

  7. I have to completely empty my attic* of its tons of garbage and nostalgia, and need people to lend their time, human bodies, expertise, and trucks. Also snacks. Please check your pocket for a cootie catcher I made at recess; inside, you’ll find both the name of who you will marry and boxes for yes and no.

    *Is ranked in the top 5000 by prestigious Wasp-Filled Storage Spaces Magazine.

  8. I just read that Pinterest boards can be made private. So it is likely Donkey made her overflowing wedding board private and didn’t delete it, because we know she has masturbated to wedding fantasies her entire life. It’s been funny to watch her pin madly into that board whenever she had an OMGboyfriend ‘in tow.’ She also used to have a board for clever engagement photos, but I just think she changed the name of that board to couples photos to not make things so obvious.

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