Nisha Moodley Stops Gazing At Her Navel Just Long Enough To Gaze At Her Nose

116
4853

Our Noodles muses:

I just took a dozen profile shots, trying to capture a picture of my nose, as I’ve seen it my entire life — too big for my face. In fact, for as long as I’m aware of, I’ve avoided profile shots for this exact reason.

But no matter what angle I shot from, I couldn’t find that nose. All I could see was MY nose.

I’m taking this as a reflection and result of the decolonization work I’ve been doing. The more I’ve examined my judgments of what a “good” or even “perfect” nose looks like, looking for beauty where I might have otherwise seen imperfection, the more I see beauty everywhere.

So here is my nose. She’s been with me for 39 years, growing from a bulbous baby nose, to what you see today. Like your nose, my nose is perfect and always has been.

Thank you for your witnessing, and two simple requests, dear ones:

1. Please no comments — negative or positive — on my face. Even a well meaning “your nose isn’t even big!” or “I wish I had your nose” misses that there is no such thing as a too-big / too-small / too-bumpy / too-anything nose. There are just noses. And this is mine.

2. Please no bashing people for choosing to alter their noses. The problem isn’t that people want to change their faces — the problem is that our world has beauty ideals. Let’s change culture, not shame people for feeling pressured to fit into it.

May we create a world where all shapes are welcome. May we all learn to love what’s ours. ❤️

No comments, please! Other than from those who wish to tell me how beautiful I am.

And no bashing of Botox and Restylane victims, even if they’ve been in tacky documentaries about plastic surgery and lied about their nose jobs.

“But just one more snip, Dr. Bobby? Please!”

Bottom Tweet! What a fuckin’ condescending tool. #fozzie #leroideburger #djcommode #skankatronpiece

116 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Noodley, now let’s hear about your giant beaver teeth, because there’s nothing at all wrong with your nose.

    I normally don’t body snark, but she is just inviting it with this kind of humblebragging and fishing for compliments. And it’s clear someone is getting a little worried about her age but doesn’t want to admit it.

    • Yes, I’ve noticed a few posts in which the fierth and fabulouth one seems to be worrying about aging and goes fishing for compliments, which the woos of course provide in excess. “Oh, Noodles, I haven’t read anything so life affirming since I read Jena la Flamme’s book on pleasurable dieting for the third time! You are a fierth supernova!”

  2. Been streaming a Netflix series called “Club de Cuervo”… a main character is a spoiled waste of skin who lives off his father‘s money… beginning of the Season II focuses on him when he’s off trying to find himself… I bet I was reminded of Burger King Fozzie no less tha two dozen times.

    Did pimp lion Michael Austin Jacobs succeed in scamming “dumb” “old” goats? I hope everyone of those folks does their due diligence and ends up here only to find out what a scam artist the little fucker is.

    • $BTC #$BTC #$crypto $crypto #Bitcoin Michael Nye the crypto guy aka Michael Austin Jacobs #bitcoinalert

    • So disturbed by your dismissal! I’ve been watching the inspirational videos on Nye’s old YouTube channel and have already conquered my fears surrounding money and love. These vids are even better than the Ted Talks that Donkey and Devin listened to on their anniversary!

    • Dear Fozzie, If you can’t explain Bitcoin to a bunch of geezers who know nothing, then you don’t actually understand it yourself. With kisses, Richard Feynman

    • I can’t stop reading…. I’m literally entranced by the insanity of psychopaths…. I wonder if they will face the death penalty. The USA carries it out on foreigners. Why not? Fuck these two bozos.

      Also, Bitcoin is truly the dumbest currency I’ve ever encountered and I will tell you why I think that. It’s a “borderless decentralized currency” and there is power in that, as there is no good standard anymore… but what it fails to recognize is that bypassing the rules of law and taxation, they are attempting to dissolve nation states and order. Great. If nations truly dissolve and become absolutely incompetent at managing order, it is the military and those who control military assets who will decide the currency. Not Nye the Crypto Guy. Until then you may as well collect quarters from Wisconsin, they are likely to retain their value over any cyber currency out there. Crypto is an entire industry of grift. An entire group of people crawling over each other to find the fresh meat willing to hand over GREEN BENJIES for bullshit.

  3. Are you 11-years-old?!! What grown adult posts about hating their nose?! And dictates the type of responses they must receive to boot?! Even tweens get that if you bring up something stupid you forfeit the right to dictate others’ responses, lil’ itty bitty, new to social media tweens. Jesus H. Greg seek help, you stunted, narcissistic child. And this is a woman who requires friends pay her for advice and time on the regular?! Maybe, we can sign her slam/burn book at her next goddess ceremony. Noodles Smuggly/Scoldly, you need help, gurl. This is clinical.

  4. You know, at a certain age, one learns that one does not always have something to contribute to the social commentary. The cabal of “expert” woos’ whole career model fails to grasp this common adult knowledge. It’s also a secondary benefit of gainful employment as well, sparing oneself public embarrassment of spewing continual pointless “content” under the guise of “master classes” and “expert advice”. I guess dictating others’ responses is Smuggly’s attempt at avoiding public embarrassment. But, come on, “I hate my nose, and it’s society’s fault” has got to appear juvenile even to the most deluded woo.

    • Possibly not. Someone very close to the woos told me that all they do is talk about how wonderful they and their friends are. Over and over and over again. Critical thinking appears never to enter into the mix.

    • There’s also no attempt to improve their own education. When is the last time she talked about something she attended or a class she took that contributed to her own intellectual growth? And I’m talking actual education and not just one of these logrolling fests they love to take part in.

      • You’re right. The 11th of never. They only reference formal education to knock some aspect of their experience with it. Never heard any of them reference a learning experience that didn’t center on themselves, something they know, discovered, invented. For all the prattle about extraordinary, they fail to recognize anything that is actually such and not some pronoun or metaphor for themselves and their fellow wooshippers.

        • Never forget: Ali Shanti trashed public education, took her daughter out of school and homeschooled the kid in Modeling and DJing, subjects that are amazingly not approved by the Colorado Board of Education. I’m not making this up. Dante has a special layer of hell just waiting for Skankatron.

          • I guess she didn’t “learn to sit with the anger” she’s always prattle on about emanating from her spawn. For such a self-professed expert mom, her kids really seem to hate her. For good reason, obviously. Here’s someone who had every benefit of a premier education but didn’t afford her own children a high school diploma. What a dipsht.
            “First in my class at Georgetown!! But, formal education isn’t important.” Which one is it, you schizophrenic windbag?! Anyone who denies their kids a basic education, in order to pursue their own selfish, stunted desires, deserves the mummified rocking chair time she has coming. I wouldn’t stay at her poor kids’ future roadside motel, though, either way. Might explain that leathery skin, however. Eyes Wide Open: The Master Class On Becoming a Horror Movie Franchise Mom

          • You know, it just occurred to me that she did it out of retribution. Every dirt festival post and video for a long while was about how much her children hated her for dragging them to those drug dens. Then, she ups and pulls them completely out of school, so as not to have to hear it from the school administration that Burning Man doesn’t constitute an excused absence from school. Did she do it out of revenge? Took away the little bit of their own lives they had left? Then, she began dragging them to foreign country dirt fests where they had no place to stay and end up shacked up with weirdos in a sleazy charity campers with no modern amenities. “That’ll teach you to complain about my drug fests. You’ll be wishing you were in a stateside dildo tent listening to me bang a guy half my age.”

            Gills, I think you’re right. She is absolutely the worst woo. She’s a vindictive disease who is so stunted that she sees her own children as competition and impediments to her selfish desires.

          • Actual chortle produced by”mummified rocking chair time.”

            I’m one of those who have always found Norman really (disturbingly) cute, though.

  5. I realize this is a second language issue, but the idea that the nose is a she gives me such LAFFS.

      • I meant a second language thing for me. The way I understand it, nose, like most inanimate objects, is genderless in English, whereas my own mother tongue is extremely gendered (all the way to adjectives and verbs), and nose is a very definite masculine in it. So saying “this is my nose, and please don’t comment on how beautiful you think she is,” is super funny to me. Almost as much as that time an American journalist whose Czech is otherwise nearly perfect once spoke about Obama as if Barack was a girl.

        • I love this, Helena. I will forever think of Nisha’s nose as a naughty girl.

  6. At the next meeting of the Woo Scouts troop:

    “Nisha, what’s that cool new badge you have?”

    “It’s for decolonisation!”

    “I’m going to try for that badge, too, Nisha.”

    “Well, Heather….”

    “You mean my nose isn’t big enough?”

    • Regina Orlando commented: Yes! Normal is a separator and oppressor!

      Are you, Grifty, a separator and oppressor? Well, are you?!

  7. OT: Jena la Fraud appears to be working a new grift called New Moon: https://www.jenalaflamme.com/newmoon/

    And there was this trip down memory lane. I’m guessing the book, which didn’t exactly set the NYT Best Seller List on fire, is now in the remainder section.

  8. It’s just a nose, though? I mean, it is literally not remarkable in any way. If she were Rossy de Palma, maybe I might care (I love Rossy de Palma’s nose) but this is just generic nose.

    • I have a similar nose to de Palma (but with a much weirder face), and Nisha is perfectly well aware society is not the problem. SHE is the problem, with her fake insecurities played up to emphasize her beauty privilege. Christ, what an asshole.

      • There is NOTHING outstanding about this bitch’s nose. I’m a somewhat unusual ethnic mix and have always believed none of my facial features match, with my nose being rather out of place. That noted, I cannot imagine having Dr. Bobby operate on my nose or taking pictures of my nariz and posting it to FB along with the caveat, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T COMMENT ON MY NOSE!

        • My nose is not only gigantic, it seems to go in two directions at once. It’s been broken three times but only adequately repaired once, and ain’t no way I’m going to have elective surgery on my actual human face. I yam what I yam, and I rarely even think about it, at least not until someone like this dumbass writes another scoldy screed designed to convey her virtue. “Look at how not vain I am, how evolved, IN THIS SELFIE OF MY PERFECT FACE. But don’t tell me how perfect I am, because that will disturb the gummy layer of hypocrisy scum all over the entire act!”

          • sorry perfect she is not, a 40 year with lots of insecurities like many of us she is aging hello . This is what it’s stemimg from like hello woke yet? Not going to respond to a selfish inconsiderate grown ass woman as our poodles

  9. Dear Cryppy Gryfty Nye: I’m over 60 and judging from what you put out on the internet, I’m three times as smart as you on your best day. And that’s a reeeealllly conservative estimate.

    • This. My undergrad mentor just turned 68 and he’s as sharp as he was 20 years ago. He’d eat Fozzie for breakfast. So would my mother, whose knowledge of economics and global politics is truly impressive.

  10. Her nose is fine, it’s her pronounced micrognathia that makes it look bigger.

    Jesus, do these women do nothing but pore over and pick at their faces and stankginas all day?

    I’ve been wondering what’s been up with Ali Skanki’s FB selfies lately, holding all those giant mugs and bottles in front of her giant mug. I had guessed she was hiding a cracked tooth (from meth, er, plant medicine use) until she could get a crown fitted. But perhaps she managed to raise enough grift money to get something cosmetic done, like lip fillers or a deep peel or whatever Crones do these days. Instead of spending it on something shallow and pointless, like oh I don’t know a shopping spree for her awkward son. These goddesses are so actualized.

    • Ding ding ding! I’m an amateur plastic surgery consultant in my fantasy time off, and this was my exact diagnosis.

      • Honestly though noodles looks fan fucking tastic for her age (and otherwise) and of course she knows it. She honestly looks like she’s in her very early 30s and has nailed a very flattering style/vibe thing for herself

        • I am posting a photo of my very best feature, with a cute li’l ring piercing, and I will tell you that it is my worst feature. So, so, so traumatizing to breathe through this huge ugly nose! But do not dare tell me that it is an okay nose. You can not support my nose. You must support me in my fake hate of my nose.

          Of course I look fan fucking tastic. That is the whole point of me posting this. Also, remind me how cute my kid is and that my guy, who appears to have at least one foot out the door, is very into me.

      • Urp. One would think by now I’d know enough to read the whole thread before responding. as;sf on my part.

  11. Christ, if you have humble brag with a preemptive *no comments please* leave that shit in your inner monologue and not on social media. If a thought happened in that pea-brain of a head and she didn’t post it on social media, did the thought really happen? Noodle your nose is fine, it’s your lack of personality that needs work.

    • This times eleventy billion. This woo confuses her juvenile inner monologue with content in a thriving online business venture.

      • Nisha’s bestie is currently crowdsourcing for “the best collagen powder on the market.” Good luck with that, Kc!

  12. re bottom pic i sincerely hope that those old people were not being targeted to invest their retirement savings into crypto currencies

  13. These people remind me of some girls I grew up with. They would always say “Oh my god, I’m so fat!!!” and wait for the guys and gals around them to say “No you’re not! You’re so pretty! You’re so thin!”. One day a guy friend of mine mentioned it to me and said “Next time they do that I’m gonna say “Yeah, you are, go on a diet.” because he’d figured it out. And when the next one said it again, he did. It was one of the funniest days of my teenage life. She cried and cried and cried – “You’re sooo mean! What’s wrong with you?!”. He just said “Y’all keep saying you’re fat. I just confirmed it and told you what to do about it.” But these girls were 14/15, not 35/40.

    • A friend and I were going somewhere when we stop for gas… She went inside to pay for it while I was pumping it… She came back out and laid some hot pink cupcakes on the back of my car while she was trying to hand change back to me… About that time I was hands-free, so I grabbed her cupcakes and went back in the store and got a refund on them. Came back and basically told her to pick a lane, that she couldn’t have it both ways saying she was so fat and eating that crap too, told her that the best way to break a bad habit was to recognize it in action. We still laugh about it because she calls it her “hot pink awakening“.

  14. OT but amusing. I get emails from a neighborhood discussion board (NextDoor) and this message came through this morning:

    “Who has the donkey? The first time I heard the “heehaws” I was like “No way!” But yea, it’s definitely a donkey. Do you have other animals too? What motivated you to get a DONKEY? I’ve always wanted a goat and two chickens but can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would want a donkey. ? Ahh, don’t mind me, just laughing while I sip my coffee this morning. Hope everyone has a great day! ☀️”

    ‘What motivated you to get a DONKEY?’ just cracked me up. Maybe we should ask Dodi.

    • “Who has the donkey?” cracked me up. Why, RBD has the donkey, of course, and we were motivated by larfs.

    • Ah, if only he would come into comments to defend her honor… LOL.

      I can’t help but be reminded of my favorite thing ever to teach a child to do (which, I know I’ve told in here already, but Ima tell it again): A friend’s property is right next to a little Indian Rez here in our little country bumpkin suburb… They have a donkey to protect their horses… While hanging out at the pool, we would hear the donkey bray and I taught her then-tiny granddaughter to say, when it happened: “Julia want a cupcake?“ (singsong-like; to the tune of “Polly want a cracker?“). She went on to teach that to her smaller cousins.

      On the backside of my property, across the way, someone has a donkey… There was a Wi-Fi name that popped up in my list one time that had the word “donkey“ in it but anymore I can’t remember the whole thing. I did post a screenshot of it here at the time because it cracked me up to no end.

      Gotta love the random insider-joke donkey-ism’s ?

      • I was on a road trip through NM a few years ago and we stopped for some random roadside attraction and the braying contest between 3 donkeys in a field was out of control… I wanted to record it and post it here. My friends didn’t get why I was cackling to myself.

        • I’ve seen those donkeys! Weren’t they near Taos and weren’t they named Julia, Jess, and Cailleach Dé?

    • I’ve also already said this here, but it deserves to be re-told: On the Absolute Write forums that Albie pointed me toward, there was once a question to the resident writers: Would you date the main character in your current work in progress? And someone replied: “Male MC: No. Female MC: No. Donkey: No way.” It still cracks me up and makes me think a story with a masculine, a feminine and a donkey in it can’t be a bad read.

    • Despite the former woo trappings, Fozzie is an eternal fratboy who’s convinced respect comes with money. I can easily see him skirting or breaking the law to get his hands on the long green, er, buttcoin.

  15. As has been stated several times before, why can’t these people unite to do some actual tangible good for the less-fortunate? And by that I don’t mean free sensual sexual empowerment classes while third-world tourism-ing. I think they’d all feel better about themselves if they made actual sacrifices for others.

    Meanwhile, in a bunch of “Nye” videos, he’s interviewing people while obscuring his lower face with a black bandanna. This is never explained, but maybe it’s a metaphor because this bitcoin stuff sounds like bank robbery, or that multi-level marketing stuff where the proponents talk for like 20 minutes about it and I’m still like, “But what do you DO? Are you like SELLING something?”

    Forget about Trump’s tax returns — I’d like to see the tax returns of all these people: NYE, Nisha, Julia, Shanti et al.

    • I think these asshats think that it gives them some street cred, as if they’re intentionally avoiding full frontal face so that they won’t be detected by facial recognition technology. Ooooh! Pimp Lion SCARY!

    • Yes!

      I want to see their tax returns too.

      I bet you the government is subsidizing the Donkey’s cure-for-vacationitis trips to Bali.

      Our taxpayer dollars at work!

  16. oh fuck her.

    her nose is an idealized nose. i’d say its a white person’s nose, so I have no idea where shes getting decolonization from w.r.t. accepting her beauty. I have a nose like Rossy De Palma’s or Fatimah Asghar’s, when i was 16 my white grandfather & dad not so gently suggested that they’d pay for reconstructive surgery to “fix it”. (I turned them down)

    yall nailed it, this is just like when someone who is a size 6 says they are embracing body positivity and learning to love themselves. Didn’t britt morin do the same thing in her bikini photos on the beach?

    also, as for “In fact, for as long as I’m aware of, I’ve avoided profile shots for this exact reason” bish, I see multiple profile shots on your website https://nishamoodley.com/blog/

    • I love this comment. My mom had rhinoplasty at 54, and my sister and I took her in for her consultation, partly in disbelief that she’d do such a thing. The surgeon looked at the three of us and said, “I could give you a group rate.” Sister and I were silent a moment, then she said, “Are you out of your goddamned mind?” She’s the much saucier of the two of us.

  17. So, let me get this straight. We can talk about our undercarriage, hang it out in public, sling it around the office like some hidden source of power, steam it over pot in our living room, sing about it, make dolls like it and dance around with those in online videos, whip it out at weddings, photograph it and post those publicly, make porn videos with it and build “businesses” around it to include non-stop online posting, but commenting on your nose is a step too far?! And the word normal is bad. Okaaay, Scoldly. Are we still wearing pink on Wednesdays, too?

  18. I just don’t know how bored and how boring of a person I’d need to be to take the time to make fifteen selfies of my face in profile. And then to write about it on Facebook.

  19. Nisha Scoldey is my favorite Nisha.

    She has like five domain names out there with her sisterhood pay me to talk on the phone and meet on Bali and New Mexico once a year grifts going.
    (Great headline on this one.)

    • Thank you, my dear, and I hope you weren’t subjected to any profile photos on those scam sites.

      Whenever we post something about her shallowness, Noodles doubles down on the SJW posts and she has something up about circumcision. Oy!

      • Never reads here!

        Out of curiosity I read her testimonials and then went to the domains of some of the fierth goddetheth who TESTIFIED! many expired URLs.

Comments are closed.