Wedding #3 – The Oh-So-Exclusive Michigan Shores Club?


Following in the footsteps of her woo brethren, Donk is most likely making plans for at least three weddings, assuming Dr. Dodi pops the question and destroys his future. One of these weddings will probably take place in San Francisco, primarily for friends and Dodi’s California family. Another wedding will occur at Camp Septic, with Annie Lalala officiating as various woos spout gibberish and Donk & Dodi, in their underwear, ingest plant medicine and grin maniacally. I DO, I DO, I DO!

Look for Petey and Robin to pay for a third wedding at the Michigan Shores Club, where Dodi and the Baughers went for Christmas dinner. It doesn’t get more Midwestern than this overstuffed, tacky Tudor monstrosity nestled along the shores of beautiful Lake Michigan in Wilmette.

Yes, membership to the Michigan Shores Club is restricted – there will be no shirtless dirtfest DJs in the Shawnee Pub, where a strict dress code is enforced.

With an understanding of the club’s history and the nature of our membership, The Membership Committee’s most important function is to identify individuals and families that share the Board’s vision for the club. The Membership Committee carefully considers membership applications and invitations for membership must be approved by the Membership Committee and the Board of Directors.

Not to worry, Dodi, Your future father-in-law has already met with the Board of Directors to ensure your membership!

For the wedding of the century – somebody notify Page Six – the Stone Ballroom has it all, everything to make a couple’s Tudor dreams a reality!

The stone patio and deck outside the ballroom can accommodate any size wedding reception. It doesn’t get any whiter:

Nutty Granny Money Bags, Wilmette’s most vocal anti-multiculturalist, raves about Michigan Shores: “The Negro servers wear blindingly white uniforms. Even white gloves. And they play Bach. Lots of Bach. It’s like a mid-twentieth-century country club. My home away from home!”

Here’s to Wilmette wedding bells!


      • i can never stop myself from watching this and every time i am so dumbfounded by how strange and icky it is.

          • I watched the vid in its entirety again. The maniacal grins on the guests’ faces are nearly as disturbing as the dance itself, especially when Annie shimmies against her father’s crotch as he grabs her boob. A heavily made up Jena la Flamme smiles broadly. ::shudder::

          • Was that a brief glimpse of Donkey in the back of the room?

            Annie’s dress looks like cheap lingerie from some teenybopper store in the mall.

            And I still can’t get over how it looks like she and her father engage in foreplay.

    • Imagine if Pettifogger and Donkey tried to recreate the Lalla family magic. Honestly, Petey might be too awkward to be inappropriate even if he tried.

  1. My Dad’s first wedding was at the Michigan Shores Club. The marriage was ill-fated and we still make fun of the venue. It’s suuuuuuuch a relic. Reminds me of Tavern on The Green pre renovation.

  2. Somehow I can’t picture pale shirtless Dodi at Burning Man. He would rival shirtless Smellsberg for the showervom quotient. Donkey goes from a gym rat guy with 12 pack abs to Dr. Dadbod. I suspect she is still crying during sex?

  3. Mama Baugher and “half-phillipino, half girl” SIL are wearing appropriate, current outfits, and then there’s Julia in her “out on the range” Little House on the Prairie tartan skirt. SIL looks pretty terrific–you would never know she’s had two kids.

    But the best part is Dodi and Petey wearing the same outfits as bookends. Seriously, guys, Julia has found her lobster.

    What is this Michigan shores club, and what is it in relation to the University Club or wtf it’s called. Didn’t little brother Britt get married at the University Club? I figured Julia would have been expected to marry there, too, so her parents could show her off to all those powerful moms of fantastic sons.

    And, I can’t lie, I am a sucker for exposed beams. That great room looks lovely and I’d happily get married there myself.

    • I was thinking the same thing. Here come crazy Julia with that same damned Christmas skirt. What must her poor brother and sister-in-law say?

      • Donkey is one of those women whose fashion sense (as if) and look gets frozen in their late 20s and never changes. She’ll be sporting the bobby pin mullet, the plaid skirt, fit and flare lampshade dresses, and those raffia espadrilles for decades yet.

    • YES! My paternal grandfather took me to a VFW hall in Minnesota when I was maybe nine years old and that hall was the first thing I flashed on when seeing the Stone Ballroom fauxto.

    • The Elks Club in Hoboken. Which had/has actual taxidermied elk in it, too. Coming back from Maxwell’s to the municipal parking lot, we would always pass by the Elks Club and look in the enormous windows at the wood paneling and elks.

      Beautiful old building. It’s probably luxury condos now.

      • Omg “de grand-e prospec-ta-hall!”

        Having left the City for real reasons (as opposed to leavin with tail between legs or for pretend work on Book), I’d totally forgotten about that place and the commercials. And NY1. Man do I miss NY1.

  4. I actually think this club is really pretty, and Wilmette in general is beautiful (I’m originally from the Chicago area and have family in The W). In my opinion, nearly ALL clubs look like this. Even the chicest, 2-generation-waitlist-250K entry fee- in-Palm-Beach clubs look like this. I’ve seen them all. It may not be your cup of tea, but it is plenty of peoples’- and clubs like this serve a function to their communities, which can be nice.

    There are a lot of things to knock her on (so very, very many abhorrent things) but I think knocking her family for being “midwestern” and “tacky” when frankly, they live in one of the nicest communities in America, is just needlessly dumb and cruel.

    All of which is to say I want this wedding damnit! Hahaha. And I don’t care who knows it.

    • Meh, Wilmette isn’t so great. Truly. Most people I know who grew up there (myself included) have some pretty big issues from living in a place like that. Beautiful, sure, but full of special snowflakes. I think it’s fair game to make fun of people who choose to settle there. For many reasons

      • Fair enough- but many people choose to settle there because the public school districts are one of the best in the US, which is nothing to sneeze at. As a parent, I would kill to have access to those public schools! But I live in NYC where preschool costs like 30K. FML.

    • What we are (or at least I am) making fun of, is her duplicity.

      She is always knocking down Chicago and the suburbs and the boring people that inhabits them, and then when she gets a boyfriend, she drags him to Wilmette, dresses him a suit and wears that awful plaid skirt and forces him into family pictures with the same people she was deriding 5 minutes ago.

    • I think the midwestern and tacky labels are because she pretends to be a sophisticated heiress from an ultra wealthy background, instead of a comfortably upper middle class family

    • Have you seen the pics of the inside of their house? It is bland and tacky, and despite Chicago having wonderful world class restaurants and being a great city, it is pretty much a given that a lot of the Midwest is very white and conservative and bland, and that’s what is being roasted here.

      I live in a part of the country where a lot of midwesterners vacation and retire. We have 45 Italian restaurants in our relatively small town. Midwesterners love their Italian food. But anything with any spice or any adventuresome or ethnic cuisine never makes it. It’s not bland or safe enough.

      • Not to turn this into a “debate”- but just providing an alternate POV here. Judging people’s level of sophistication on what they eat, or even how they decorate their homes, is, in my opinion, a low blow.

        Perhaps they didn’t take care to decorate properly because they prioritized paying for their children’s educations. Perhaps Midwesterners love bland food because that is what they grew up eating, and what they enjoy. Warren Buffet lives on Junk food, and lives in the same house he purchased for $31 K in 1958. Is he unsophisticated?

        My point is, I am happy to judge Julia as long as the cows come home (and I’ve been reading this site, and occasionally commenting, for what feels like a decade now). But judging her parents is unfair. I can’t imagine ever deserting my daughter, no matter where her life path took her, because I’ve never loved anyone more. I imagine her parents might feel the same way about her, and are doing their best to not give up on her despite the fact that many would have by now. IDK- just my two cents.

        • Judging her parents is unfair?! Bullshit. Where do you think the appalling sense of entitlement originates? Who do you think has been enabling her lousy behavior all these years?

        • I’m cracking up about whether Warren Buffett can’t have bland or tacky personal taste just because he is rich, or if that gives him a pass for having poor taste in food. Oh honey, money doesn’t buy taste or sophistication. I’ve seen homes decorated with flea market finds that look tons better than the Doubletree Hotel look of the Wilmette Senior living facility. Julia’s family dynamic, their home, clothing, status-seeking and hosebeast daughter-enabling have been parsed here since day one, not sure where you’ve been.

          • As I said, just an alternate POV. That I conveyed respectfully, unlike some of these replies. There are so many things to snark on, I have always found that doing so on her parents to be more bottom of the barrel than snarking on people who grift for a living. And we were talking about sophistication – Warren Buffet is one of the most brilliant minds of our time, I would equate that to sophistication. He can have the best, he just doesn’t choose to put it on display. Some folks are just like that. Again, just an opinion.

  5. Cat ladies! It has been such a long time since I commented on this blog, but I am absolutely ecstatic for this apparent change in fortune of Our Donk! I cannot wait for all the wedding shenanigans! Will she get married or will she screw everything up? Will she manage to get the ring on her hoof before Dr Dodi works out just how batshit crazy she is? I’m here for it all!

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