Best Put A Ring On It, Dr. Marson, Before Our Burro Brays & Explodes


Donk’s latest Pinterest pin:

OMG! Weddings! Our burro has been obsessed with them since her Georgetown days, when she became engaged to some schlub in the law school just for the sake of being engaged. Donk now tells EVERYONE that she wants a husband and children more than anything in the world. Will the Son of Sam come through?

In other news, look what’s been added to Petey Baugher’s resumé!

I suspect he’ll be adding the inevitable Camp Septic panel, “Ali Shanti & Peter Baugher Help You to Prepare for the Inevitable: DEATH.”

Also, we received a totally wack email from an “author” who wanted us to post about his 15k GoFundMe campaign for a children’s book he’s writing. Mr. Vanity Press seemed familiar with Donkey, even sympathetic towards her. He also seemed to understand RBD is a snark sight. “This may sound totally crazy but … ” Yep. totally bonkers. Moroccanwear insists we not shill for anyone wearing such a horrible hat!


      • They have been “together” for 3 months, and she has been in Bali half of that time.

        I don’t think they have spent more than 40 hrs together in total.

        He has no idea what he is in for.

        • Again— why is his doodle so high and tight and visible?! I’m so perplexed by his pants garter

        • If they are SO IN LOVE, why isn’t she back in the states and attempting to nurture this relationship? I suppose it’s too early to move in together and she hasn’t been able to convince any suckers to let her sleep on their couch for longer than a couple of weeks, still …

          • I always felt like Cary Randolph was the most Undine Spragg-like of the NS adjacent gals, but now that Momser’s is in Bali, Judy might be Spragging her way to a ring.

  1. Remember when you rode a bike on a reality show? You looked really fckn stupid…you wanna look more stupid for your wedding? Use your brain, Judy.

  2. I’m confused. Why are there all these fauxtoshoot pix of Droolia and Dr. Schlong? Is this what people do now? Hire a photographer for every walk on the beach or stroll around town? Obv. shes been doing this for a long time, but does he not think it’s weird??? How is he down with this? It’s so bizarre/vain/narcissistic to me. But I didn’t even have a photographer at my wedding because feh.

    • Agree, agree, agree! A few years ago we hired a photographer as a gift for my mother-in-law so we could get photos of the entire family. She also took some of just my husband and I and it was so awkward and awful. “Okay, lay your head on his shoulder and gaze up at him as he holds your right hand on his other shoulder”. Ugh. Who does that? We take a selfie together every so often so I think we’re good. “Kiss her on the forehead Dr. Pudgy. Try not to look so smug, Julia. Seriously, let’s try that one more time and Julia, wipe that stupid look off your face. Okay. Whatever.”

      On closer inspection I believe it is the hat and hair combo on Sadsack Von Author that makes him so repellent.

  3. I don’t know who the author at BOOK on bottom picture is but, as a parent, if he moves into my neighborhood I want to be notified, please.

    Thank you.

  4. OT: Jordo was ronery when in La La Land with Rob right after college. SO RONERY!

    From today. Saydances is, of course, Staci Lawrence, Jordo’s batshit insane greatest fan:

    ramshackleglam yesterday i found myself standing in my kitchen, crying into a sandwich. wrote about a whole bunch of hard pills i’m currently swallowing on the site today (link in profile). thanks for being a part of this little community. it helps. ?

    saysdances I have a weird sixth sense about when you’ve updated and end up visiting your site in the time between your update there and your update here. Oof, lady. Sending you all the best, strongest vibes. Taking those moments to just feel super lousy are crucial I think, even though they feel impossibly hard. Wishing you the best.

    I’d prefer being ronery than being comforted by stalkery Staci.

    • This post with your comment has caused me to cry with laughter. Like I have actual tears running down my face.

    • Ok so I am really really a bit too curious about this Jordan situation. She lists a number of truths today. She says that Kendrick doesn’t love her anymore. Later in the list she says she made decisions which caused the holes in the family and she has to live with that. So did he stop loving her and that’s why she decided to divorce him or did he stop loving her when she put her needs first, forced him to sell their home and moved his kids 300 miles away from him so she could follow her bliss? Which, if the latter, yes…you kind of have to expect that one of the consequences of dumping someone in that way is that they may stop loving you afterwards.

      And I’m not saying people should stay in marriages where they aren’t fulfilled, but, it just seems like there wasn’t much consideration at all about what he might need/want throughout this process. It seems like you’d be more sensitive to that if he loved you and didn’t do anything wrong but you just weren’t feeling it anymore.

      • given that the blog content is all about me, me, me and me, (with an occasional post about me) not sure there is much consideration of others going on

        plus when you decide to have kids it is on you to grow up and behave like an adult and put their benefit over your fulfillment

        • So much this. She may think the kids are okay but the older they get, the clearer it will be that Jordan is putting her own selfish needs first.

    • Seriously wtf kind of life is that where you have to STAGE emotions for a blog post…where you drag your tripod into your bedroom or where ever and make sure you have your hair and makeup just right and your clothes are draped just so and the mug of tea is poured at the right time so it’s steaming and LOOK like something.

      … And that’s your job.

      Mommy’s job is to talk about herself and digitally stand on a corner for microwave pizza while spending more on “trendy” clothes than worry about having clean uniforms for school. What the actual grown up fuck.

      • Sounds like Kendrick would be a better full-time parent

        • Kendrick certainly wouldn’t be pimping the kids out on a regular basis and posting his every alleged emotion while shilling Banquet Frozen Dinners.

          A commenter on Jordo’s most recent IG fauxto thought Miss Malibu might be reaching rock bottom. If that’s the case, I’m sure she’ll turn any alleged breakdown into a fauxtoshoot for eyeliner and lip gloss.

          • Question for you ladies out there:

            Is that an actual dress, or underwear, or bedwear?

            Also WTF is a ramshackle?

            Thank you in advance.

          • He would also likely put his kids’ needs ahead of his desire for fame. He did quit the music thing and get serious, to provide for his family. While she acts out like a disturbed teen.

            She is at least as bad a mother as Shitshow Shanti, just (probably) doesn’t have the BO Shanti does

          • Nor the social diseases, considering Shantitown’s many trips to Camp Septic’s orgy tent, with and without her boy toys.

          • Oh, come on.

            Shantitown’s parenting is just in a different league: drug use, festivals year round, no job, no school, coat ghouls, plywood floors, online scams, table dildoes, dentistry in Costa Rica…

          • She must not be THAT close to the Kardashian’s if she hasn’t been evacuated yet. Kim and Kourtney had to leave.

  5. I’m seriously out of the loop — when did “New Mexico soccer mom who sells beads” become JA’s default look?

    • Earlier this year, around the time former roomie Grape Nehi tied the knot with Peter Thiel’s physician.

      I think Donk’s new ‘do & duds owe much to Jacqueline Susann, circa 1969.

    • It’s because she is spending so much time in Bali. This is the tourist fare they sell in the market stalls for cheap, and she thinks it suits her faux-carefree rainbow alter-ego.

  6. Did she finally work out that the Rainbow Brite, But Slutty aesthetic makes “future mother of your children” a hard sell? Here’s hoping her ringlust brings her full circle, right on back to the coifed midcentury housewife look she intermittently fetishized in her 20s.

  7. When she goes to OBO the good doctor, will she try for her old canoodling buddy Sean Parker, or will it be her dear friend Whandi’s brother? So much to look forward to! Meantime, I don’t expect she’ll marry Dr. Wallet: she’ll love being engaged, milk that for all she can (the photo ops! the free rent!), then she’ll get cold feet because no one (except a billionaire!) is good enough for her and anyway she doesn’t want to grow up.

    • There’s zero chance that she doesn’t consider herself too good for him, and he doesn’t appear to be in any position to manage her care and feeding to the extent she’d expect from someone “beneath” her. Eventually she’ll demand (WITH SOFTNESS) something close to a six-figure stipend, and he’ll expect a partner who treats him and any non-rainbow-adjacent ideas he might have with an iota of respect. They’ll both be a tremendous disappointment.

      I’m guessing dirt-fest-flavored polyamory temporarily sheltered JA from some of the realities of committed relationships, and likewise sheltered Chad from the brunt of JA’s expenses. In the real world, JA is a 37-year-old woman who’s undeniably long-term financially insecure and has no idea how to manage any demands of either a household or a human connection that can’t be tackled with construction paper, glitter and “intentions.” I think even she knows, deep down, that she’s not really “wife material,” but she’s consistently doubled down on The Rainbow Show when she could’ve been using her 30s to get her s@!# together.

    • Agreed. Per the UC public salary database he does well but is not exactly setting the world on fire with his total comp… especially with SF cost of living:

      2017 San Francisco ALEXANDER MARSON ASST PROF-HCOMP 232,068.00 106,703.00 0.00 125,365.00

      Some other research MDs do pretty well supplementing their income with pharma payments for being KOLs, participating on Steering committees, being NCIs etc but per that database he only makes about 2k more from there:

      imo her only hope is to convince him to wife her up FAST before he realizes what a bottomless pit she will be draining his finances. If they live together for a few years first (which he would do if he’s smart!), he’ll quickly realize what a spendthrift she is and how she brings nothing to the table financially. He seems like he’d rather want to be half of a power couple and rich DINKs instead of trying to support lazy burro and lord forbid children on a hhi of under 250k in the Bay Area.

        • Why wouldn’t we discuss his income? What is off limits if it’s public info? His salary is subsidized heavily by OUR tax money and we have a right to know and discuss it. Especially now that gold digging gold diggers are gonna snort the finds io their noses or fly to better weather in February on his dime. Also, it’s fun.

        • All public employees, including UCSF workers, have their salaries publically available in the state of California per state law. Everyone knows that before they accept their offers. I don’t think it’s out of bounds to post it as it’s clearly public record. :shrug:

      • He hasn’t been there for more than a year at that salary. He probably will end up squandering his pocket money on idiotic camps/summits in the name of being woo woke and realize all too late what a fucking fraud the entire scene is and she’s a terrifying psycho stalker gaslighting her way into a relationship. Run child. Run! This site is a PSA!!

        • She will bleed him dry. When Marson is in the lab, Donkey will be at her umpteenth empowerment retreat for the year. “I charged it to the AMEX. You know how important Nisha’s leadership weekends are for me! Oh, hey, I booked us for Jennifer and Bryan’s couples retreat next weekend and don’t tell me you can’t get away!”

  8. As a Santa Cruz County native, I will never not think “Her?” when I see some woo mention Scotts Valley. It’s the least Santa Cruz part of Santa Cruz and was only good for the roller rink.

  9. I hope he doesn’t pop the question. Married Donkey will be super smug. Married-to-a-DOCTOR Donkey will be insufferably smug. Even if (when) they wind up divorced, she’ll never shut her gaping maw about having been married to a doctor

    • Just like she STILL opens that gaping maw to claim that she nearly married Jack McCain. I guarantee she told Dr. Berkowitz that she sometimes has regrets about loathing Guam so much that she just had to turn down Pancakes’s marriage proposal.

      • Even though the Son of Sam is a shlub, he does have an MD so she’ll go with that

  10. Well this Pinterest selection must be for Julia’s second wedding to herself—Dr. Marson is allergic to horses.

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