What’s a woo pair-bonding without the gobbledygook? Take it away, Noodles!
nishamoodley? ???? ??? ?? ????
We’ve spent the entire 3 years of our relationship (we got pregnant within a month of being together) prioritizing everything else above Us. Preparing for baby. Money. Moving. Welcoming baby. Money. Moving again. My sick father. His job transition. Managing a household. Parenting. Parenting. Parenting.
Our relationship has shown the signs of neglect.
And the further we drifted, the harder to return.
The truth is, in the last few years, I fell out of love. With him, and with the Divine.
I went through a period of needing to feel all of my necessary, honorable, and stashed-away rage. The pain of my oppression, my mother’s, others’.
I cried with a kind of fury I hadn’t felt since I was a lonely and hurt 5 year old girl who screamed into her pillow and tried to rip apart her undershirts — destroying things no one would notice were destroyed.
I felt my anger rise up, purged from the recesses of my lineage and my liver, and when the shame of expressing it was too much to bear, I saw the shame and rage burrow between my brows. Lines of longing and despair.
I honor this.
All of it.
A necessary part of my becoming.
And then, JOY.
I’ve learned, not just intellectually but in my bones, the necessity of allowing joy amidst pain. Of making space for it, receiving it deeply, enjoying it fully when it’s present.
Without joy, the rage seethes and nothing changes for the better. The joy alchemizes with the pain and rage into clarity and action. True aliveness.
And so I invited joy.
Reveled in it.
Basked in it.
And let it dance with the pain,
both welcome guests in my heart.
And I started to fall in love with the Divine again. Slowly remembering what it’s like to live IN love. Listening. Embracing the complexity of welcoming life and death simultaneously.
And then Noah and I turned towards each other and acknowledged the truth: that regardless of how functional we were as co-parents, we were no longer lovers. Our romance was hanging on by a single thread. And we had a choice to make…
We chose to go all in.
To make a commitment to each other, with real vows…
It took some digging to discover “commitment” consists of three months. Big whip. I guess she needed some attention, and/or was trying to drum up business for the “sold out” ???? ?????? | ? ???? ???? ????????? goddess fest in SF? Noah should be relieved he didn’t sign any legal documents.
Re: No Vowels, he’s out at Summit and has a new job. No, not in construction but organizing corporate adventure type events. Tim Cook & team are sure to adore Bali! Maybe Julia Allison, advanced publicity strategist, can come up with a PR plan?
Bottom Picture! Always the blowsy bridesmaid …