Vulnerable Donkey Dumps Reasonable Man – They’re Still In Each Other’s Lives As Friends!

Reimagine: Dating [Vulnerable Share]

I began seeing someone in late March – the first person I dated since Rain & I broke up, and the first after my 8 months of Bali celibacy (Balibacy?? Lol). We weren’t exclusive (my choice, I didn’t want to get “too serious” too fast) – but despite those efforts, it really wasn’t casual. At all.

As I should have anticipated (because I’m in my thirties and I’ve gone through approximately 568 breakups) … the new relationship was rife with explosions of pain from wounds I THOUGHT I had healed during my time in Bali, but which had instead merely burrowed deeper (oops!), waiting for the next unsuspecting fellow to begin falling in love with me and say something stupid like, “I love you! You’re the One!” only for me to FREAK THE F OUT and screech, “Oh, YOU LOVE me, do you? You want to marry me?! THE LAST 8 GUYS SAID THAT TOO AND WE BROKE UP!!! I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!! AHHHH!!!”

To which this poor human just stood there like, “I genuinely do not have a clear sense of what to say or do in this moment so I am going to slowly back away and try not to make any sudden movements because it’s possible you may bite my D. And not in the sexy way.”

And thus I decided that I’m actually not ready – in this moment – for a new relationship, unless it’s with a therapist.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t step up and make some commitments. Here’s to reimagining everything! In this case, segueing out of dating into friendship.

The pain from burrowing wounds? Oh, the humanity! What would Julia Allison do if she ever had a real problem?

I’m still reeling over the eight fools who allegedly asked for a lazy burro’s hand in marriage. Pancakes McCain begged Donkey for a lifetime commitment?! Chad “Ho Dog” McNally couldn’t wait to sign on the dotted line? Oh Judy, please.

More on Reasonable Man soon!

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Thanks for the get well cards. I drove for the first time in 10 days, so your prayers to Goddess and Maria Teresa Chavez must be working!

Bottom Picture! Mary & Meghan together again, July 2018:

164 COMMENTS

  1. Bottom pic. Donkey Survivors 2018

    “you’re the one! Marry me!” said no boyfriend ever. It is to laugh.

    • All those unsuspecting men who fell in love with her laziness, neediness, and sense of entitlement – no masculine is safe!

      • I mean, who wouldn’t want a pathalogical liar with entitlement and psychotic SWF tendencies with Fuck Dad’s Retirement Fund Money?? This is success!!

  2. Why are so many people using the term ‘explosive’ so much to describe their emotions lately?

    Did somebody use it during a ted talk so now everybody wants to sound cool.

  3. Gilly hope you’re all right. Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better. Thanks for keeping it all going.

  4. Poor guy, its bad enough to get dumped by somebody immediately after you express feelings for them, but then the person goes out of their way to broadcast in public to all their friends?

    • “See, Bunnies? I don’t just get dumped, I dump too! And…Rain (ILY!), see how I want to remain FRIENDS with my dumpee? See? How mean it is for someone to dump m…, I mean someone, and not still want to be FRIENDS? In each other’s lives? Today, tomorrow, forever? See how much more evolved a person I am? See how FAIRvI am with my exes? (Oh BTW you get those texts I sent the past few days? I might be having problems with my phone because I didn’t see your answers.) Let’s talk about this at Burning Man, love! Hope your childhood trauma is feeling better! Say hi to your Dad for me!

      • I am so going to use “Hope your childhood trauma is feeling better!” as an email sign-off.

  5. “Here’s to reimagining everything!”

    Is Donk planning on resurrecting The Reimagine Factory and running it as an actual woo grift? Naw, that would take actual work.

    • Green juice and pointed hooves on the porch!

      Thanks, WENDY K. YALOM, Karsh of the Grifty Woo Set!

    • I am legally obliged to mention, every time this picture is posted: NOBODY SITS ON AN ADIRONDACK CHAIR LIKE THAT.

      fuck

      • that looks so uncomfortable!!! her ass is sliding towards the back of the chair and her legs twist to anchor her on the side…

        • Thank you! And the hard edges of the arm digging in to her leg. It’s so bizarre.

          • It’s a ballerina thing (cf. the pointed hooves). You wouldn’t understand.

    • now that just seems unnecessarily mean. at least Mary seems capable of having fun.

      • Exactly. She’s the only one of the three (five?) that I could ever see having a beer with.

        • I don’t get why some cat ladies like MMBH.

          To me, she screams FAKE at every turn.

          Everything in her life is an act, from her “career” to her appearance (hair, boobs etc) to her morethanmary shills.

          Like the Donkey, she has become one with her act and no longer knows where the game ends and reality begins.

          • She never seemed to take TMI Weakly too seriously and was openly mocking Donk before quitting the shitshow. I certainly found her side eye endearing.

            Sure, MMBH is spoiled and, unlike Donk, comes from money, but she didn’t follow the web show with all manner of nonsense and seems to do her own thing.

          • She was replying to MAGA-loving Cary Randolph on Instagram just the other day. Is Mare a Trump-lover?

          • She replied on instagram to someone who supports Trump and that automatically turns MMBH into a Trumpette?

          • It won’t let me comment under your comment Gilly, but no, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m genuinely asking – I don’t keep up with Mary, but I know she’s from Texas and I remember her being conservative, and I saw her reply to Super-MAGA Cary like they were cozy friends, so I’m asking.

          • No harm in asking, Lurker. Re: threads, they go six deep – I changed it from the default five just last week – so that’s why you couldn’t directly comment under me.

  6. The dusty fake YSLs make a comeback and now an appearance from Pointy and Mare Mare! It’s like the good old days!

  7. So she was harassing Rain nonstop while supposedly dating this dude or figment. What she’s actually re-imagining is herself as someone other than the enraged stalker she is.

    • Re-imagining herself as someone who isn’t desperate to a) get married or, a much more realistic goal, b) keep a man around for several months, but who is always the one who “doesn’t want to get too serious” with any of the many (MANY) men who frequently proclaim their love and worship of her and can’t wait to marry her ASAP. Except it’s not really “re”-imagining because I’ve been hearing the same story from her over and over again since 2010. Funny how things tend to, uh, turn out differently.

      • Donk wants nothing more than to be married with children. I have this on excellent authority.

        • I am really hoping that the actuarial goddesses mean no reproduction in Our Judy’s future. My late dad’s ladyfriend has some very Donkeyesque qualities and her children are fuuuuuuuuuucked upppppp, and their children are fuuuuuuuuuucked upppppp, and the only reason she doesn’t have fuuuuuuucked uppppp great-grandchildren is because her grandson and his wife got divorced after a hot second and he never sees his child ever (fuuuuuuuuuucked uppppp).

        • Yes, and the timeline for this imaginary relationship is extremely sketchy and quite unbelievable based on what we know was going on with her betwen March and now.

          And who’d a thunk that her time stalking an ex and his new GF from Bali wasn’t psychologically restorative for her? Quelle surprise.

          All of this blather is just to establish her narrative in preparation for sucking all the oxygen out of the Mystic tent at Burning Man.

          • With her misshapen back legs hooved in fake YSL FMP’s, Donk, lying liar who lies, is doomed to get tripped up in her outrageous lies, no matter what.

            I, for one, can not fucking wait.

  8. Okay so last week I finally watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend season 3 (spoilers ahead). For those who haven’t seen it, it’s a musical dramedy TV show starring one of its creators, Rachel Bloom. I’ve enjoyed it from the beginning because I’m into the musical form and it’s a show that does truly funny things in innovative and irreverent ways.

    However, it’s a show that can be uncomfortable to watch. The main character, played by Bloom, is not a mentally well person. As an audience member you are still often rooting for her, even as she is making horrifically bad/illegal/abusive decisions. Mental illness has been talked about frequently in the show, with Bloom’s character Rebecca being on various meds, attending therapy sessions, and talking openly about her Depression and Anxiety diagnoses.

    In season 3, it’s revealed that these aren’t the right diagnoses for this person. She has Borderline Personality Disorder.

    It was really interesting to see the way the show handled Rebecca learning about BPD and what that meant for her moving forward. Looking back at decisions the character made in previous seasons, it definitely makes sense. And it was fascinating to me as a person who has followed JAB for so long and often seen commenters here speculate that she may have BPD.

    I do think it fits with a lot of the behavior she’s documented online. I am much less sympathetic to her than I am to fictional Rebecca Bunch. But watching the show made me wish (yet again) that JAB would seek actual non-woo help for her chronic unhappiness.

    Just thought I’d share in case anyone else is a CEG fan or wants to check it out.

    • I love this show. At first I thought, oh no, she’s kind of like Donkey and I do not approve of Donkeying. But, you’re right, Rebecca is a much more sympathetic character. The song “I have friends, I definitely have friends” is both funny and sad, for instance.

      I appreciate that the complexity of mental illness is front and center, and that all of the main characters have deeply-rooted issues that need reckoning with.

    • thank you for the rec, this sounds interesting! I also hope JAB seeks help, even if I enjoy the lols. Her life sounds awful, even with all the material things her dad pays for.

    • I don’t watch the show, but I listened to a podcast (someone?) Ruins Everything about a year ago on which she was the guest. She was charming and it was really interesting, plus she spoke about getting dressed for awards shows.

  9. The illustration for this post (if I may) is primo, and you deserve to be 100% healthy for it alone, my Gilly.

  10. If she posted this on FB and Chad is her “friend” again on FB, than this is just another way to get him back.

      • This. All of these. It’s all for his benefit, the “celibacy”, the “reimagining friendship”, the “going to a therapist” blah, blah, blah. It’s juvenile and obvious, the thing a 14-year-old thinks a man wants to hear. But, it seems ILYR placated her to get her out of defcon 1 and off his case. If so, she can bray declarations of whatever horseshit pops into her twangy head from the center of a polyamory pile of women, and he’s not going back to her.

      • See, somebody wants me.
        See, you’re missing out.
        See, if you don’t come back I’m getting married.

        Chad: See ya!

        This is embarrassing beyond words. I really thought Gilly was hopped up on pain meds and wrote an funny post.

    • Posting a story that reminds your ex what a colossal nut you are is not a very good plan to get the ex back. And “not a very good plan” has Julia written all over it.

  11. Very few things ever didn’t happen with the white-hot intensity with which this didn’t happen.

    • Yes. Being non-exclusive was always her choice, they (the past 8-85 guys) all loved her more than any other woman they ever met, they all wanted to marry her, and she always broke up with them. HTH.

      • They all wanted to marry her … until Cindy McCain and her goons showed up, escorting The Most Desirable Woman In The World to the airport for the umpteenth time. Drats, foiled again!

    • Needs more coffee cup, to go with the strategically placed hand on face.

      There is no cliche she does not love. Too bad Sears is going out of business, she would have been perfect for their photo studio.

      And Noodles is so proud of those titties. She didn’t have them before the baby.

    • What’s the point of this? Who the fuck has time and ego for so many posed pictures? Such vanity.

    • Perhaps it’s just because I’m viewing the picture on my phone screen but am I crazy or does noodles kinda resemble ali shanti here?

      Also, terrible depth of field, her left foot looks like it is bigger than her head!

    • It seems like the work of every Woo photog is best described as “a stupid person’s idea of what great photography is.”

  12. If, by your 30’s, you have had multitudes of men tell you they love you (yet another opportunity for a humble brag, huh?) , they want to marry you and yet they all end up skedaddling on you, I am left to surmise one of the following:

    A) These are decent men and something you are doing is causing them all to flee. In which case, please look in the mirror. The problem is you.

    B) These are not decent men, which means, firstly, that you have horrible judgment even after 568 previous attempts at relationships. Secondly, that you think you can change them. Thirdly, that you have zero ability to press the learn button having seen 568 times previously that you either pick unavailable men or don’t have the power to change them from the base models to the luxury vehicles you envisioned. In which case, please look in the mirror. The problem is you.

    C) A combination of both, which means you probably turned off the decent men with your creepy 73 point checklist and haughty attitude (What? He doesn’t read The Atlantic??) and, now that you are left with DJ’s who clearly state their commitment to polyamory, you somehow translate that as a marriage proposal and Twoo Wuv. In which case, please look in the mirror. The problem is still you, honey.

    • :::applause:::

      And the marriage proposals were lies. Discussing the topic of marriage is not a proposal. So, no ILYR, no Avocado, no Derpin, no Jelly Donut, no Pancakes, no Greasy, no Prom King, no Jakob, no Eater Guy, no Balthazaar Banger, no Michael…who am I leaving out except for the guy she CLAIMED to be engaged to after college?

      She’s a damn liar.

    • Her “humor” is at the level of a 1960s hayseed sitcom. Petticoat Junction meets Mr. Ed.

  13. there is nothing more painful than her trying to be funny and relateable. I just… why… “bite my d?” really?

    • “Bite my D and not in a sexy way” is up there with “young, dumb and full of cum”.

  14. I hope Avocado includes a tribute to an even more ineffable wedding: Judy tying the knot with herself.

    https://www.facebook.com/david.block.5661/posts/10107719654222952

    Maria Teresa Chavez
    See you there!!

    Katiyana Kittay
    My Birthday is on Aug 30th, I plan to celebrate at midnight when it becomes 8/30 on Wednesday night at Camp Mystic!!

    Ryan Allis
    Yay!

    Jennifer Russell
    Camp Mystic 2 & G YES!!!! it’s going to be really beautiful: A Transmission of Truth & Beauty. Deeply grateful for taking the reins. Couldn’t imagine anyone better.

    • He did not get the memo that the lineup is explosive now, not epic. Way to keep up Avocado. And a “transmission” of anything at that nasty petri dish camp site sounds like a recommended vaccination is in order.

    • Is that before or after Donkey’s seminar about relationships?

      She is going to be a rage caldera all over Camp Septic. Will she erupt?

  15. she is officially the oversharing aunt, who drinks too much and begins telling the little kids about her dating life and how awful men are at Thanksgiving while the other adults try to change the conversation/lead her somewhere else.

    “Haha kids Aunt Julia is tired, this is the kind of thing some adults say when they are sleepy ok haha let’s go”

    • If her brother has a lick of sense he’ll start spending holidays in the Caribbean.

  16. but here is what i still don’t get

    if you are trying to land a man for a long term commitment, why would you scare them away from you by posting stories on social media (regardless of real or fake) about you dumping men as soon as they reveal their emotions to you

    that is like if a single man who is seeking a wife were to post stories on social media (real or fake) about how he often cheats on women when they become emotionally attached to him

    it is like hanging a “buyer beware” warning sign around your neck, completely counterproductive to your stated goal

    • She believes they will all want to be the one to tame that wild donkey. She’s so beautiful, wild and free, but no man can pin her down! It’s a challenge.

    • Because the actual mutually respectful and loving relationship isn’t her goal. Sure if you were in love with someone really special and it was going well, you might want to keep that a little private. That’s not what she wants. She’s not actually trying to be a good partner to get a good partner. She wants other people to witness her winning her trophy. That’s all that matters. It could be a rigged game, it could be a fake trophy, it could be (and was) a trophy that she stole rather than won. But she thinks that if she can put all the props in the right place and ventriloquist everyone to say the right things, that the fake will become real just because she wants it so much.

      spoiler: it never works, and
      spoiler: she never learns

  17. i just had a comment go to spam, if you would please retrieve it for me, thanks!

    • It indeed reads like the clever, hilarious parodies written by Sacred Scrapbooks and Rolls Royce Revenge.

  18. BURROWING……………………………………………OR…………………………………………………………………………BURRO-ING??!!

  19. Catpeeps, if you run across a bug, in the short term, please just post a bug report here about what you are experiencing. We are compiling a list of bugs and will be hiring a WP database expert to help us, but it will be at least another week. I don’t want to speak for Gilly, whomis still recovering and really has no way to fix any of this herself. So please be patient. Thank you!

    KNOWN BUGS AS OF TODAY (…if you have others post them as responses below. Please don’t bother Gilly right now either here or in pm.)

    – Login information not being retained
    – intermittent: some posts are not acknowledged and visible as usual when the post button is clicked, but actually show up if the page is refreshed.

    • Recent Comments column occasionally shows a comment that doesn’t materialize when ya click it, & then that same comment indicator is no longer showing in the column either. It’s a lag time issue, from what I see following a post I make taking a hot minute to actually being accessible.

      • I would have guessed instead that she fell off her gloomy Mill Valley cabin’s unsafe deck. Luckily they let her keep her nose-ring in so her glamour remained untarnished. Not incongruous looking at all.

      • Abuse from no vowel first comes to goddess mind, sadly… weird to broadcast this, “I fell”, unless a cry for help #metoo

        • A la Carrie Underwood *falling* and then months later unexcitedly announcing she’s having a baby on tv sans the husband.
          Underwood’s fall will always ring false for me.
          I hope that Noodle’s is just again lacking in self-awareness and starving for attention. I’d suspect she’d be likely to do something to herself in order to get no vowel to pay attention or stay home.
          Remember this is the same woman who refused to miss Burning Man in her last trimester (if memory serves) because no vowel was going come hell or high water.

    • That sounds very no fun, and I hope she feels better soon.

      Biting back some snark, though.

    • Never fear, the woos are here!

      danamomstock Your body shaking IS literally “shaking off the trauma.” It’s what mammals do after a freeze response. Assuming they didn’t get eaten by said predator, they get up and shake it off. Absolutely normal response. Speedy healing! ???

      livinginflow_nz Rose quartz and aquamarine for your eyes will help… sending healing vibrations your way ???

      melotos Oh my… Split seconds it‘s all it takes sometimes. Glad your ok! Wishing you a fast recovery! Great picture btw.

      poweredbliss Omg!! I hope you’re ok!! If you can get your hands on some Traumeel Cream it’s literally THE BEST for bruises & injuries like yours. Look it up bc it can be hard to get. ?

      selisa.loeza Oh my goodness!!!!! Sending you energy of healing and awareness of feet for the future. This happened for something and I hope and know you are looking for the light in this.

      sisters.of.the.mermaid.moon Lions gate got you cracking open ???? sending healing vibes your way ?

      cbognet Take lots of omega 3 and consider a ketogenic diet if you’re concussed!❤️

      lcorinter Wow! that’s a nasty black eye waiting to come too… Can you put ICE on it?? poor thing! Feel better soon!!

    • I just cannot with the woo constant need to share EVERYTHING on Facebook All. The. Time.. I mean, no ill will towards her and legit looks like a nasty fall but jesus christ…do these people have no real people in their lives to have genuine interactions – is that it? or is the narcissism? I mean, I have a nasty sty in my eye that is bugging the shit out of me…do I post the picture of it or crowdsource how to cure it?

      • My thoughts too. I’m sorry she fell, looks like it hurt a lot. But this is just one step above taking a big shit and posting a picture of it.

        I hope she never miscarries.

      • What’s especially galling is that she had the nerve to contact this site and plead with us not to post pictures about Croooow, and yet she’s even pimping him out in hospital fauxtos that are in extremely poor taste. Was the hospital staff not giving Noodles enough attention re injuries?

        As for the comments, je-sus. Rose quartz and aquamarine and awareness of feet? The company she keeps.

  20. Amazon wouldn’t post my review of Rick Wilson’s “Everything Trump Touches Dies” so I’m posting it here.

    A fun but ultimately superficial takedown of Trump’s GOP

    Rick Wilson is a Republican strategist who hates Trump. The premise of the book is that it’s too easy for the liberals to criticize Trump, so that it’s extra important to criticize Trump from a conservative point of view. As a liberal I found the takedowns of the various shady Republican characters to be highly entertaining. Further, I think he captures something of the profound alarm and fear that we all have about long term damage to the principles of democracy and rule of law. It’s refreshing to read a Republican not in complete denial about how fundamentally dangerous Trump is.

    Unfortunately there’s not a lot of soul-searching here. Wilson traces the Republican party’s problems back to Sarah Palin. No mention of the dirty tricks Nixon pulled in the election, nothing about the racist “Southern Strategy” that has guided Republicans for decades. Nothing about the scandalous Iran-Contra situation. Clearly the Republicans have had scandals and outlaws for longer than just since Sarah Palin. The message seems to be that the GOP was just fine until Trump came along, which is ludicrous. Wilson says the GOP has blamed “liberal media” for not getting the GOP’s ideas out but never really debunks the claim. It’s not that people don’t know what the GOP stands for, it’s that most people reject the GOP’s ideas because they are terrible.

    There’s a lot of pearl-clutching about how terrible it was that the Alabama Republican nominee Roy Moore was a pedophile, but he name-drops Dennis Hastert without any acknowledgement that the GOP’s pedophile problem precedes Roy Moore by many years.

    There’s a long chapter about the Democrats’ terrible messaging and election strategy. However, no analysis of Democratic election losses can be made in good faith without starting with a serious examination of GOP election fraud and voter suppression. From Russian military infiltration in our voter databases to insecure voting machines that can’t be audited and verified to partisan gerrymandering to regressive voter ID laws, there are a lot more problems in our elections than Democratic “messaging”. Wilson mentions none of this except to dismiss Russian interference as not having much effect on Trump’s election.

    Wilson never mentions another huge Republican party ideal: climate-change denial. The Republican party is anti-science in the sense that they don’t want scientists to do research (on things like climate, or guns) and they don’t want public policy to be based on scientific discoveries. Republicans are ignoring and willfully minimizing the greatest threat to human existence in rapidly accelerating climate change. Wilson paints a pretty picture of supposed Republican ideals but never admits that most people here in the US reject the reality of Republican policies. Currently the number of people identifying as Republican is at an all time low. This is not solely the fault of Trump. Trump is the natural progression of anti-intellectual, anti-equality, reckless and imprudent Republican ideals.

    Wilson lauds Paul Ryan as some sort of conservative poster boy, ready to bring those complicated conservative ideas to the masses. He conveniently forgets that Joe Biden wiped the floor with Ryan during the vice-presidential debates because Ryan is an intellectual lightweight. Fundamentally unsmart people do great in the Republican party because the GOP ideas are simplistic and fall apart under careful examination. The debates are a chance to explain and defend your ideas but Ryan was unable to articulate or persuade the audience because the GOP ideas are actually pretty terrible.

    Wilson also seems to drastically underestimate the white nationalism in effect at the White House. There’s no mention of the cruel “family separation” policy on our southern border. He mentions Steve Miller, the architect of that policy as well as the Muslim ban, but implies that he is not very influential when that’s clearly not true. Yes, Wilson vigorously calls out Republican racism but only in the sense that the racism is making them lose, not that racism is bad.

    Wilson is also still in the caveman “us good, you bad” mentality when it comes to Democrats. He refers to us as “the other team” when really it’s time to get serious with the idea that we are all Americans. Not once in his prescription for the future of the GOP does he mention GOP obstructionism; never does he suggest going back to the days when Republicans worked with Democrats in a bipartisan way to achieve a goal that benefits all Americans. He misrepresents Democratic positions (no, we are not “pro-abortion”… if we were we’d have Pinterest pages dedicated to “Abortion Day!” outfits and accessories, or we’d be trying to get pregnant a few times a year so we could indulge ourselves in some nice refreshing abortions. We’re pro having the government stay out of medical decisions best made by a woman and her doctor, though. Something a “small government” conservative should be on board with if they weren’t total hypocrites.) and argues against Democratic theories in bad faith. I guess intellectual dishonesty is a fundamental Republican bona fide so that Wilson thinks in order to be heard he has to perform it. It’s pretty sad though because I think we’re all hungry for a thoughtful conservative response to Trump although I think we’ll be waiting for a long time.

    The details of the lobbying industry, including a megadonor’s half-hearted mea culpa for enabling Trump, are pretty interesting, but again, Wilson avoids any introspection, instead keeping a “just doing my job” distance away from the harm he has helped to perpetuate. He mentions that he sees a lot of focus groups but never goes on to explain what he does with the focus group information: use it to inflame emotions in order to short-circuit reasoning and judgment so that his “team” can win.

    This book is an entertaining page-turner but I wonder how much change it will affect. No liberal is going to look to Wilson to lead the way when we have so many other good examples to follow already. Trump’s base will never change. I have no idea who the target of this book is or whose minds will be changed. I’m glad there is at least one Republican out there who is not drinking the Trump Kool-Aid. Too bad he seems like the only one.

  21. OT
    swiss mister abandoned kids again (after “hard work in Switzerland” and is back in flophouse with ladumb dub. Save this prediction-If she is able she will be pregnant in a month, her last chance

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