“Yoo Hoo, Cory, Can I Crash On Your Couch?”

Donk’s whereabouts are currently up for grabs. She asked several SF folks if she could stay with them, but there appear to have been no takers. Grifty and I believe our burro is headed Encinitas way, where her reputation is less tarnished and she can go full-blown woo with the help of Jess Magic, Roxanne DePalma, Adelle Juliet, and other goddesses.

Cory Tanner Glazier, AKA Christopher Life, resident of Encinitas, recently celebrated his second wedding anniversary and Donk was all over it.

Donk dances for us around the one-minute mark:

Bottom Picture! Judy is literally shaking, lest she not get married before age 60:

92 COMMENTS

    • Poor thing. That seriously looked like a top and she’d forgotten her pants.

    • I won’t lie: I paid a highly-regarded, impartial consultant to be honest with me about my body shape and how to flatter it. It wasn’t easy to hear the verdict. Donkey could do the same for far less than a month of her “massage” expenses, but then she’d have to hear that she’s a filthy-footed fireplug.

  1. “explosive love” sounds like a dangerous condition. Maybe that’s why she always shits on everyone.

    • It’s the only way Donk can envision love. In CAPS. With her beloved making her breakfast every morning before they engage in a huge fight over polyamory followed by makeup sex.

    • These people have no clue what day to day average married life with kids is like. It would bore them to death. Explosive love doesn’t get dinner made, darling.

      • Corey has a son with another woman, not sure if it was his wife, but there was a pretty bitter exchange between them on FB at one point about his fathering.

        • He posts a lot of photos of the kid on FB, but I get the distinct impression his ex-wife is doing most of the parenting.

          • Right. Her complaint, iirc, was that he was all show on FB about the boy but not holding up his end.

  2. I am so glad I am not a woo because I literally, (and I mean that in the literal way, not the JA way), cringe when I watch these things. I could not go to these weddings and sit and watch the whole thing or I’d shrivel in to nothing for the cringing and second hand embarrassment when they started dancing like idiots down the aisle.

    Just like their sex, their love and their wedding ceremonies are no more special than anyone else who has managed to find a partner and get married.

    • I would be trying not to laugh my ass off, sort of like the MTM “Chuckles the Clown” episode.

      • About a gazillion years ago, my dad made my mother burst out laughing at a funeral.

          • It was the funeral of an old woman (mother of one of their friends) who was nasty. Not one of her grandkids even looked upset, let alone cried. All my dad had to do was remind her of the time the old woman made her son drive to open their store out in Brooklyn in the middle of a snow storm, over his protests. That’s all it took for my mom to burst out laughing and have to run out of the room.

            Thank you for loving this, Gilly. After I hit send, I was afraid that people might be offended

          • Yes. But sometimes people get offended at things that surprise me. And now I’ve added Shirley to my name – thanks!

      • Years ago I mentioned having never seen that episode. Shortly thereafter, I was staying at my parents’ home the night before the funeral of one of my godparents and ran across it on Nick At Night. The next day I was hit by the memory while sitting in the front pew of a stuffy, posh church with my grandmother just behind me. I lost it so hard that I bent over to hide my choke-laughing. I got back pats and handkerchiefs from all directions while Nanny assured the people around her that my godfather and I had been quite close and it was always going to be a tough day for me. (True, as far as it went.) Meanwhile, my brothers were seated on either side trying not to giggle. My godfather would have been THRILLED by the spectacle. Thanks for the memory, Aunt Gilly and A Unicorn Studded Rainbow!

  3. I love the polite parents gritting their teeth through it all at 1:25 or so into the video. They are thinking our daughter just married a man who has a chorus boy line that wants to “congratulate” him.

  4. Oh. My. God. That video?!! So many comments…
    ~ A Lion King themed wedding just hammers in how emotionally stunted all of these people are.
    ~ Dancing (separately) to “The Lion King” theme song and doing the “hang ten” sign while doing it?
    ~ The blonde woman who spoke? I really, really want Kate McKinnon to get her hands on this and make it into an SNL skit with her playing that role.
    ~ The Dad’s Tommy Bahama shirt and tears whilst probably thinking “God, I wish I were at a Buffet concert right now”.
    ~ The bride’s Dad (?) trying to pick Corey up.
    ~ Corey constantly putting his hand on his chest with the shirt unbuttoned half way down.

    I seriously could go on for ages… Christopher Guest needs to see this.

    • The video is a howler, a comic gem, as funny as Show Girls or Kc Baker’s raincoat video.

    • I didn’t make it that far in. Just saying, there is no one in the world interested in watching the 30 minute video of your dumb wedding. Also, the costumes were so stupid. And when the Lion King music started playing I was crying. Well played assholes. It is ethnicish. But it is Disney, so gets a pass on cultural appropriation I guess? Not sure.

      Also, two whole years! Congrats on that!!! What an achievement.

      I lasted 1:30.

      • I don’t know Lion King, or at least I didn’t think I did… When the music started, I thought it was from Survivor.

      • I would literally rather have horrible intestinal cramps for 30 mins rather than watch that wretch piece of self indulgent crap. The fucking ego on these assholes. It is mind blowing. Every time I think I’ve reached some sort of level of understanding about their navel gazing, ridiculous, needy, and obsessive need for people to pay attention to them, a video like this shows up. JFC.

        • Cory and Adelle’s ridiculous nuptials pale alongside Bear and Kitty Kittay’s three-day wedding debauchery, which was filmed as though it were a major television event. No surprise Donk has literally genuflected at Bear’s feet.

          • The desperate attempt to steal the attention of any man in a 10 mile radius but x100 because BM is full of people just like her.

            Tit thrust forever. Bear Kittay she will not stop until she is elbow deep in your butthole. Run, child, run!

            She is the worst.

        • Well, you’re in luck! Watching that video *will* give you at least half an hour of horrible intestinal cramps!

      • I’ve never even watched my own wedding video. Who are these people who want to watch someone else’s??? why? Are they just craning for a glimpse of themselves?

  5. I wonder if Julie has canceled all her bridal magazine subscriptions now that she knows she will never be married as long as she lives?

  6. “as Earth people we. will explore the corners of this world”

    yeah maybe writing your own vows isn’t the best idea.

    • “may we harmonize”

      kill yourself bro.

      “explore the rocks and soil”

      dude.

      “teach me how to activate you”

      god i can’t take anymore. fucking die from my second hand embarrassment.

        • *I* need to do a video of all the times my huscat, kid, puppers, coworkers, birds outside and general towns folk have obliviously ignored, slept or been blissfully ignorant of my gafawing, shaking with contained laughter or startled from deep inattention only to return to prior state of ignorance as I wrack with veiled hysterics inappropriate to whatever activity of daily living I have interrupted them however momentarily. Currently, my Robin Williams level hairy huscat snores under my shaking drapped arm and leg, blissfully unaware of my inability to contain myself. I’m only safe-guarded by the knowledge that he twitches pretty violently immediately prior to waking from such deep sleep upon which I am intruding with my mostly silent hysterics.

          *Starts recording* “This is me, rebloggingd and the huscat in bed as I laugh.” “This is me, rebloggingd and the coworkers at the office while I laugh.” “This is me, rebloggingd, my kid and his friends watching tv as I laugh. They thought I was weird before. They’re none the wiser now.” “This is me, rebloggingd and the general public at the state park snack bar as I laugh. They wouldn’t get it if I tried to explain, so screw them.”

      • “Teach me how to activate you” sounds like he’s a Bluetooth device. Which he very well may be.

  7. Julia Allison’s doppelgänger is on “House Hunters” right now, looking for a house in Detroit. Except she’s younger. And not heinous. And married. The end.

  8. The one consoling thought is how embarrassed these people will be when they get older and develop a sense of shame. Delicious retrospective shame incoming, like everyone who appeared on the HBO series “Real Sex”.

    • No way, if they are not shameful now, what will get them there? I don’t see it happening. They are American Psycho.

      • Yeah, they’re all pushing 40 or past it. Ali Shanti has one kid out on her own and one in high school and she clearly thinks sharing her dildos and weed with two-billion FBers is a good idea. It’s going to get sillier and more embarrassing as the woos age, but they’ll continue to act as though they’re the anointed ones.

        • Young Ms. Neely has left the towel nest? Good for her, but those poor kids. Imagine having Skankatron and Thin Bruce Vilanch, the Spineless Wonder, as parents.

          • Look on the bright side: maybe her parental rebellion will involve doing all the stuff her mom didn’t – getting a job, being responsible, treating people with respect, avoiding drugs, etc.

          • I imagine any success these kids earn will always be threatened by rhinestone tears. The one thing they should take from their mother is a name change with no forwarding address.

    • If this ever happened, and I agree it never will, and they all had some kind of understanding of their idiocy and narcissism and ridiculousness? I can’t imagine they would actually be equipped to deal with the embarrassment. I see mass spontaneous combustion. Or maybe more a blackholes eating blackholes scene.

  9. They should have really gone for it during the Circle of Life opening ceremony and had someone there dying, like in a mobile hospital bed. THAT marriage I’d take seriously.

  10. Fuck these woo morons claiming to *change the world* and *support women*. Please allow me to introduce you to some really inspiring women who are supporting each other and making things better & if you get the chance watch Netflix The Bleeding Edge (disclosure, I ended up on the cutting room floor (phew) & haven’t seen it yet).
    http://www.azfamily.com/story/38747606/phoenix-woman-featured-in-netflix-documentary-on-dangers-of-medical-devices

    • I wondered if you’d be interviewed for this! Great to see the word getting out. Hugs hugs.

      • Thank you. I really didn’t want to do it and turned it down at least three times. Now that I’ve seen it, I 100% agree with the decision to cut my part. It was and is about the victims physically harmed. They took a lot of what I wanted them to discuss and ran with it quite well, vc funding med device startups. I, of course, would have liked to see it go even a bit further.
        (also, if you go to the link above the first link in the story goes to my local interview)

  11. So it will be curious to see where Donkey lives next. She needs too much much attention to live alone, plus she thinks she can be in a nicer place if she has roommates.

    I do think she will continue to play the long game and pick high status potential marks who are already in relationships, flirting and ingratiating herself, and then swooping in if and when they break up. She has tried this with Morin and Kittay and pulled it off with McNally. It seems she’s still working these scheme juices with Schuham, with Myka as her new SWF target, except repacing Ritual Dance academy with the Barbizon School of Modeling.

    Wherever she lands next, we know she’ll need a posse and some high-status marks to target. Encinitas or Boulder seem the logical next steps.

      • A Baltimore/DC friend who’s a successful author of young adult books sent me this story. Anna apparently tried to scam my friend, but she was wary of her from the beginning.

      • Hard to know if Schuham will fall for it, but his response to her Myka lookalike picture was probably enough to keep her hoping.

        Also I don’t think Donkey will end up in Boulder. She likes traipsing around in her coobies too much.

        • Also, too many lovely YOUNG girls in a college town for her liking. She might find her luck is a bit better in Boca in January. Watch out for a donkey, Century City.

          • She’s delusional enough to believe that she can still pass for an undergrad. Or even “prefrosh”

          • One of these days she may finally realize she is basically midwestern w/o verve, and move back to the land of bland where she belongs. She was made for scrapbooking, clothes and other things with sayings on them, safe traditional decor, Disney and Taylor Swift. You can take the girl out of the Midwest, but, etc.

            Move back home and marry an accountant, Donkey.

        • JFC, she considers herself an excellent writer? Hey writing and thinking is so choppy and incomplete, jumping from one issue to another. Her defense works to the extent it confuses people.

  12. I was at a concert the other night and saw a woman with the cutest headwrap. She had styled her hair in an asymmetric 1940s front roll and had on cute earrings. I am so tempted to try this myself but I don’t want to turn into Jahssss.

    • Gaïa be praised, one could never become Jahssss by accident. It takes real effort to be that stupid on a consistent basis.

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