Now With Horrific Update! Julia Allison & Unreasonable Man Headline “Valley Of The Donkeys” Remake

Jackie Susann, is that you?

The fauxto is apparently from the wedding of Grape Nehi and Jason Camm, Peter Thiel’s Renfield.

Bangs Are So Hip asks:

As a longtime lurker, I recognize this guy but don’t remember who he is. Can the experts fill me in?

Also, who’s wedding is this? Isn’t Neha the old SF roommate she got evicted with?

Yes, Bangs, Neha Panchal is the old OMG! Marina roommate. She’s apparently a glutton for punishment.

Our inbox is filling up re: the mysterious JP. He’s Joey Primiani, “an award-winning neo-pop designer and creative entrepreneur.”

He could have been Obama’s speechwriter, too!

JP and Donk go way back:

But I don’t think JP is Reasonable Man. He’s pinging gay to me:

Messages keep arriving in the RBD inbox and I can’t keep up!

Update: Donk just posted nightmare-ready FB profile and cover fauxtos! That hair. Sweet Mother of Fuck.

204 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Greg, the teeth. They look at once like they could rip your face off, but are too blunt and thick to even bite into an apple.

    Nice Myka wig, Donk.

    • There was a fauxto in a previous post where I was going to comment that she had Gary Busey’s smiley teeth. I didn’t because I thought I was the only one seeing something wrong with those teef. I feel better now.

      • There so much correctness done in the fauxto though. Her snozzles are MIA, for one. The teeth look commercial ready. The brows look shopped. For starters.

        • Raddled chest area is begging for equivalent reconfiguration. Also, what the hell is she wearing, Dead Granny’s negligee? To a wedding?

  2. Jackie Susann– BWAHAHAHAHA! Too perfect (though no doubt her publishers never had to demand recompense of their advance when BOOK failed to materialize.)

    • Susann never missed a deadline and no author ever worked more tirelessly to promote her books.

  3. OK, so with the top picture, I thought “Wow, they make a nice-looking couple; Donk even looks real good here.“ Then I saw the second picture and am reminded of what she really looks like, plus I remember the Xmas tree dude (Donk did on and off tippytoe fauxtos with him). So, my question is: did she have a professional fauxtoshoppe done? Maybe by the same whomever who did those Gawker fauxtos with Donk and Brooke Parkhurst?

  4. Following the JP link, anyone read the bio? Of course that bio was done by Julia Allison. That was my first suspicion when I read what he did by the age of eight. Ahem.

    • The Lady Gaga connection is telling. Hmmmm ….

      Our inbox is bursting. Somebody really does not like this guy.

      • Lady Gaga, and when you hit Read More on his terribly designed sit m the About part, it’s this fuzzy background animation of Candy Darling. Yea, I think a Friend of Dorothy. And Donkey. Poor sap.

  5. Patricia Gladwish-Maloney should change her FB status.
    Or, Neha didn’t marry Jason Camm.

  6. Well, he pings my gaydar also, but kudos to Donkey for keeping a friend for several years!

    He’s a tiny baby also, but seems to be getting sweet gigs doing whatever it is that he does, so get that money, friend! And don’t lend any of it to Judy, whatever you do.

  7. i think he’s attractive, but i am also confused by how different his eyes are in the top pic compared to the bottom. he looks like a nice guy, with a kind smile, and that makes me concerned for his well being. he’s known JAB for this many years and still spending time with her?

    i think your pinging gaydar must be correct, because if she had a straight guy friend in her life we’d have seen a lot more incessant, smug bragging about it before now.

      • In looking at his more recent Facebook photos, his eyes appear light grayish. Could be opaque contacts; could be Horner’s syndrome; definitely something changed. I wonder if he thought brown eyes were too much of a POC thing…

        • I think he wears colored contacts. In some photos his eyes are blue and in others they are dark brown.

          She found a man as vain and into his own image as she is!

  8. Did she get a boob job? In past photos I don’t recall the obvious crater that results from having one. Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention?

  9. I’m not hating the bangs. Probably because she is so overdue for a change. But that outfit? For a wedding? No. Now, if she was performing at the Children’s Hospital, maybe. Something very weird going on in the chesticle area… Did some boob tape come undone on one side?

    • I can’t believe she’s still pushing that skirt, but can believe she’d wear it to a wedding.

      • It’s a dress that Myka gave her. Which makes her new hair color and style even creepier.

    • If she did indeed get her chest done, I wonder how the conversation went. “Daddy, I need $$ to get breast implants”?! I mean, I am creeped out typing that sentence, I cannot imagine a woman heading towards middle age uttering them.

    • So she’s no longer texting Rainy 60 times per day? You obviously have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes, Rachel the Undeady.

      • This idiot pops in here every two weeks and posts two-sentence variations on the same theme. I delete them, of course, but left this one up because she’s so fucking clueless and definitely not part of Donkey’s inner woo circle.

    • That’s what you should have said to Raaaaaain’s ex gf when Donkey put their phone call on speaker telling her to suck it up while she is fucking him.

      • No idea. “Rachel” pops in every few weeks with a new name. Maybe it’s Dadsers? It’s certainly not Little Brother.

  10. She looks like Marlo Thomas in Bottom Pictures.

    Of course, Marlo is 81, so that’s not optimal for Our Judy.

  11. Did she legitimately wear a rainbow skirt to someone else’s wedding? As someone planning a wedding currently, that would irk me a bit…. It seems like an obvious jealous grab for attention – “It’s not my special day, but everyone should look at me anyway!!!!”

    But I guess we’re lucking she didn’t wear white…. (or red if Neha had an Indian wedding)

    • We’ve seen that sadass rainbow skirt before. Looks like a piñata. Sorry old thing.

      Didn’t she used to brag about “pulling” clothes like a thophithticated fashun lady editor for her fauxtoshoots? Yeah, those days are over, recycling scraps now. She probably thinks she looks like Frida Kahlo, rather than Bozo’s mom.

      • Rainbow dress is good for all things. She wore it for her HIVE talk also.

        Toilet paper doll is what I see.

        • She wore the crayola dress when she and Dadsers went to the museum some 18 months ago. Is she sleeping in the fucking thing?

        • It’s really looking limp, wrinkled and not-so-fresh. You can just imagine the filth ground into the too-long straggling hemline.

          • That is my biggest pet peeve. The inability to get anything altered properly. Dragging on the ground dresses aren’t sexy, they’re just really dirty.

    • We get it. It’s one of her only non-Yandy/Coobie outfits & she spent a little more on it. That’s why, stable genius, you buy something more conservative as a staple, and update it with less expensive accessories to change the look.
      Stripper/Circus clown is never a good look, especially at a wedding. Was she breast feeding the groomsmen during the bouquet toss?

      • It’s an expensive Alice + Olivia dress that Myka “gifted” her. We speculated that Myka got it in a sample sale.

        • Thank you, I couldn’t remember the provenance. I remember the owner of A& O commenting but should have known she didn’t purchase it.

    • He looks like Quentin Tarantino’s bastard son here. Good God, Yellow Teefs is horrible on camera, even worse than Donkey.

      • Boy vocal fry and why does Randi look so different?

  12. If you’re not busy this Monday – as if any woo goddess works for a living – Nisha Moodley would love for you to participate in a pointless fauxtoshoot. No monetary compensation but Noodles will treat you to dinner and breathwork afterwards. Slender white women need only show up.

    • Well you’re not a real goddess until you’ve had a pointless photoshoot for feelings of validation and superficial support from your Instagram account.

      #namastayawayfromselfies

    • i was curious so consulted the google: global sisterhood day happened on march 18, 2018.

  13. OMG she really did wear that skirt to the wedding….I mean, at least she’s getting her…err, dadser’s money’s worth.

    Also that second photo where they’re in the car. Looks like cryface/lack of sleep. And something weird going on below her nose/above her lip. Did she get her lips filled? Fillers in the face? I don’t know what type of cosmetic treatment it might have been, but that area looks like it had some sort of recent treatment.

    • I was going to say someone is getting their money’s worth on that tacky skirt!

      Why is her poitrine so shiny?

      The top two photobooth photos are classic Donkey.

    • Google Alice + Olivia Luba Tiered Gown. Someone has one for sale on eBay for $500 even though the dress was once fire-saled at $168.

  14. 25 cents for kisses! Or just power through to the second date and get the blow job for free.

  15. I’m the worst at understanding makeup contouring + filters + photo tinkering, but in the wedding photobooth pics doesn’t it look like she’s had a third nose job? And another involving things that rhyme with woobies? And also: while I don’t believe Reasonable Man exists, this guy is not R.M. He’s known her too long to be fooled by the initial impression she can make.

    • He’s Unreasonable Man because he’s gay. Or perhaps we should just call him Impractical Man?

      • Maybe, since he’s apparently the only dude still willing to take Donk’s phone calls, he is REACHABLE MAN ?

        Boyfriend-for-hire Debbois = LEASEABLE MAN ?
        Polyamory Phuckphace = TREASONABLE MAN ?
        Now-married Davidiot = IRRETRIEVABLE MAN ?

        • Pitt Cat ladies??? I am near the Pitt!!! <3 <3 <3

          Huge slices of bread, lunch meat, and greasy fries for all!

          • Born and raised, then moved to AZ for school.
            I also still crave the “O” fries.

        • Oh, man, Pittsburgh food! Best pizza I ever had was at Vincent’s Pizza Park on Ardmore Blvd. Runner-up would be Mineo’s on Murray Avenue in Squirrel Hill. Primanti’s sandwiches, Triangle hoagies, both so yum. There were some incredible Lebanese restaurants, my favorite was called Samreny’s that was in a house (!) near Oakland. Sadly, it closed many years ago. And now I’m hungray!

          • You stop this right now. Now I’m checking to see if postmates can deliver 2,500 miles. I do not miss the winters but I do miss the food.

    • her face and chest both look different to me, yes. i’m not great at determining why either. so much can be instagram filters, and the shininess of her skin in these pics is probably a factor too. of course there’s no reason to doubt she’s had work done.

      i can’t figure out why she looks so old to me— and to clarify, i don’t believe there’s anything *wrong* with looking older. maybe it’s just the amount of makeup. i remain perplexed.

      i seem to be alone in not hating her new hair. i still think back to the years and years of too long sausage curls and wishing she’d just cut to a shoulder or even chin length bob, i thought that would look so much better and *cleaner* on her. this isn’t quite that but at least it’s shorter, and not be-sausage’d.

      • I’m guessing/assuming the hair is a wig. Recent pics of her from the last few months show dried out, fried hair, and this is just too smooth to be real. Especially so quickly

        • I’m with you on wig. Even with a keratin treatment, which she can totally afford along with her massages, I don’t see how she could get it that smooth. Notice also that there is no visible parting in the middle. I think we’d see some scalp if this were her real hair. Maybe a “fall,” or some fake bangs?

          Now I’m getting excited over a “fall,” which would be so good for the Mary Tyler Moore cosplay I’m fainting about.

          • You remind me of what occurred to me the other day when I noticed the same thing about the part (or lack there of): some old Fauxtos of Donk that I referred to as “Brayvis” (in a nod to Mavis from Young Adult) look like she had pulled a lot of hair out at the temple area. I’ll see if I can’t link back to what I’m talking about.

          • Sorry, I’m not finding them right off the bat and it’s frustrating because I know that I have them on my laptop that died.

          • Hey, not on me to judge anybody’s hair. I have very little of it, myself.

            Both Buddy Holly and Mary Tyler Moore had more than I do. 🙂

  16. completely unrelated, i’m not sure how i never noticed this before but at the bottom left corner of this page, a word is used that i believe should be deleted. this site is home to a community of truly hilarious, intelligent, thoughtful people, and i think this use of the r-word has no place among us. my $0.02.

    suggestion for replacement word: “#missadvised starring Total *Trainwreck* Donkey.”

      • Larger print:

        “This is the link I’m going to send my manager next time he attempts to make the BAFFLING argument that Rachel Zoe doesn’t make herself look – literally – like a total retard on her Bravo show.”

  17. My good opinion of Rob Schuhan continues to slip. He comments on the top fauxto: “The whole thing is a damn good look!” Why? Because Julia is SWFing Myka?

  18. OT Elon Musk just went full JA and called some guy’s boss to get him to delete his twitter account. Proving once again abusive people follow patterns.

      • I’m truly shocked/not shocked after attacking linette lopez, the whsitleblower and calling the cave hero, pedo guy, that the board hasn’t forced him out.
        The problem is the board knows the company is all smoke and mirrors where Musk’s image is the only thing keeping it afloat.
        That will all change soon…

    • I lost all respect for him when he called one of the rescue divers a pedophile out of sheer petulance & nothing more.

      #FuckYouElonMusk

    • not entirely OT, Justine Musk is the reason JA went to burning man and became a woo, right?

      • I feel like a wallet was probably the reason but we know that Justin definitely got stuck hoof-holding Donk’s maiden flight.

        • Ah then she blocked me on Twitter when I called her out for her “how to be a billionaire” trope.
          Step 1 marry a fraud who is subsidized by the US government
          Step 2 have his freakishly genetically generated sons
          the end

  19. I lost respect for Musk when he started selling flamethrowers. Just what the world needs. More weapons, more fires.

    • agreed, fuck him, the flamethrower, the candy company (!!!), the name calling, the shitty assembly line etc etc.

    • That guy will have to set his mom on fire with a flame thrower to distract from the world of hurt he’s earned that’s coming for him.

  20. I actually think they both look great in the top photo. I’ve always sort of liked that 60’s spackle look.

    but then I saw what the rest of her outfit looked like.

    And it was a little bit like the Haunted House at Disney World where the portraits in the first room get longer and longer.

  21. She really should look at the photo booth pictures. She looks so much better when she her huge mouth isn’t catching trying to bugs or wallets.

  22. She looks like someone’s Aunt Maxine, who spent her divorce settlement on a condo in Boca Raton. Or, a bored executive secretary who does Mary Tyler Moore cosplay on the weekends.

    • OMG YOU GUSY MY COMMENTS WOULDN”T GO THROUGH YESTERDAY AND I FELT SO LONELY

      • Hmmmmm … you certainly aren’t blocked, though comments occasionally don’t go through. I’ll check the discussion folders.

        • You have three comments in the spam folder. If a commenter post several comments in a row, the software sometimes sends later responses to the spam folder. I know it’s happened to other commenters. I think this practice was instituted in the wake of Crain Filek spamming the blog.

      • Ha! I was about to suggest it might have been her appearance on the plane when she & the fileked-up one stunk it up to high heaven.

        • Passengers complained to her face, which the truth-telling LOLyer thought would be a good idea to share with two billion people.

          • when sharing your odorous stank with 200 people on a plane just isn’t enough

      • That photo does not convey sincerity and warmth. It conveys cray and stink, with some head lice thrown in.

    • Probably two weekends from now. She has a busy schedule, what with freeloading off friends and putting together her HIVE vaudeville act with Dadsers.

      • I am halfway hoping that you’re really talking about Loren’s puppet. ::hands RRR a pre-emptive tranq::

        • Oh, lord, him. Going off to check that rabbit hole, haven’t thought of him in a good long while.

          • His Twitter is less nutty than I expected. I also just now figured out that he and the Forbes writer of the same name and same approximate age are two different people (Forbes dude has a full head of hair!)

          • I think the Twitter is the Forbes writer. Loren was banned, as I recall.

            From Baldy’s website: “I’m Loren Feldman. I am an independent filmmaker who lives in Ventura County, California. I make films, shorts, and web videos. Lot’s of them.”

            Three whole sentences before a grammar fuck-up.

      • I’m confused. I thought it was FOJ, (friend of Judy), or former friend, or foe, as the case may be. Not Judy herself.

    • This is for us. I did NOT steal my Mom’s money!!

      Let’s hope the sister is the one who locked that shit down from happening.

      • I agree. She’s gone overboard depicting herself as mommy’s savior ever since she got called out on that appalling con job. Family wealth, indeed!

      • Seems sister has real job, more ethics and is also nice human enough not to totally cut off her cray cray predator sis, and likely rescued mom from her turkey feathered maw

        • Sister and Skankatron have been estranged in the past, and Ali has often seemed jealous of her more stable sister’s success.

  23. Do we know where Donkey is couch surfing right now? Encinitas? I suspect she moves down there next.

    • Wouldn’t that be a hoot if the homeless one ended up in Woo South for the next six months? And you know why that would unnerve me, Grifty! I note Donk has been sucking up to Cory Tanner Glazier, AKA Christopher Life, and his piece, Adelle Juliet. A tipster sent us some intel about Juliet but I’m on the fence about posting it.

  24. Take private writing lessons with Michael Ellsberg. Learn how to create a book proposal full of misspellings and annoying footnotes on every page!

    • I’d be afraid that the lesson would somehow morph into a creepy sex lesson with many, many “would you like to see?” panini photos.

      • Right after he’d told you about creating the consent pledge because he so honors the feminine.

        • Didn’t quite make it to 10K signatures by 6/1/18 per Michael’s goal. 274 when I just checked.

      • my thoughts exactly. “Let’s start by doing something radically transformative. Describe to me your sexual fantasies.”

        NO, MICHAEL

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