Twelve-Year-Old Julia Allison Is Not Getting Along With Her Parents

Donkey, looking like ORPHAN BLACK’s Alison Hendrix and currently in Rancho Valencia, a luxury spa and resort near San Diego, has been reunited with her childhood bestie Natasha. Random Snowflake wonders if this could be the friend whose Barbie was stolen.

Donk shares a letter she wrote to Nasty back in the day:

“Nobody understands me!” The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Below, Julia needs your help. Is she doing research for another BOOK that will never see the light of day?

97 COMMENTS

  1. Maybe I should get a six figure book advance for my book report for ‘As I lay Dying’ that my mom kept and I got an A+ for in sixth grade.

    • At least you finished it!

      Ask Donkey about all those late and never-turned-in assignments.

  2. What is….what is with her face? The sun damage is so evident. Those bangs might be hiding the damage on her forehead but they are just highlighting how shitty her skin looks.

    • Holy shit, that’s expensive. I thought Bali was supposed to be affordable.

      • Yeah, but her daily massages cost only $240/mo there instead of her usual $1,200/mo in SF. Priorities, bunny.

    • That Nisha! Always thinking of the less fortunate who want to attend her life-affirming Soul of Leadership conferences. The David Bowie Luxury Suite is only $4850 and the John & Yoko Luxury Villa is a reasonable $5655.

      Jesus H. Christ.

      • If Jesus followed the wOO’s lead he coulda easily charged $9,500 per healing and maybe even $2,500 per barrel of water turned into wine. Not to mention the multiplying fish trick. Dude just had no b’dness sense (or cool website). ?

        • But you can’t put a price tag on the Full Moon Ritual, in which Nisha and nutbags run along the beach in their birthday suits while looking for frogs.

          • Don’t forget the rush of confronting suspected local phone thieves (aka non-whites happening to walk on the beach).

  3. Why can she never take a candid, natural photo?

    Did she get her boobies done?

    • Just goes to show you really can’t please everybody. I think they are extremely unflattering on her. And I’m not one of these ones who thinks she looks awful, or old or anything else that gets bandied about. Yet, this bangs thing I do not like.

    • These bangs are all wrong on her. She defaults to severe looks which are not flattering, either when she pulls all her hair back or has a chunk of straight cut bangs like this. She has zero sense of style. The best look for her would be a layered cut, and dimensional color. Bangs with a layered cut would be fringe-y and soft around the face. As one gets into middle age, this is a lot more flattering.

  4. How can she possibly look at that letter and not recognize that her “problems” then (feeling kind of down, not getting along with parents, ambivalent boyfriend) are precisely her “problems” now? Jeez, Donkey, take that letter to a real therapist; you’ll save thousands by cutting to the chase in your first session.
    P.S.: However good they look on best bi-kissual pal, Myra, bangs are not your friend at this point. They just make you look … hairy. And stupid.

    • I assumed she was copying her lovah Myka with those bangs? Regardless, it’s an epic fail…

    • Holy shit, she’s SWFing Mika now! I hope Rob has more sense and ethics than Rainman because look how it ended for Caeli the last time she adopted someone’s persona.

  5. Can she look back at this and think, at all, “I contributed to some of my problems?” I can recognize that I was kind of an asshole to my mom or whatever. Does she see that she is very shallow? She’s very vague and complainy but just whines instead of trying to see further into the problem.

    • Contributing to her own problems? Having any control over them?

      That’s the only time she does not like to start a sentence with “I”.

  6. is there a ‘garden of eden’ event happening soon? rancho valencia is close to encinitas.

  7. Also, miss allegedly dorky debate nerd who didn’t blossom until college had a boyfriend at 12?

    Beyond that, this doesn’t read like a 12 year old wrote it.

    • We actually don’t know when she wrote the letter. Donkey mentions being 12 years old and writing letters to Nasty. However, she omits the year from the photo of the letter. Maybe she did write it last week?

  8. I’ve had the same best friend for 49 years this fall, and we saved nothing from each other growing up. I’m sure at 12 we were obnoxious shites all up in our feelings like wee JABA, but we sure didn’t stay that way. She’s one of the finest people I’ve ever known, and I’ve thought so since we stopped hitting each other in the fourth grade.

    • I had a best friend in 9th grade and we would send elaborately folded notes to each other. We fell out of touch after that, until a couple years ago, when he tracked me down over linked in (through magic! because I keep my name out the internet’s mouth as much as possible). He told me he had saved all my notes and kept them in a box stored under his TV, through MULTIPLE MOVES. I was flattered but he turned out to be a bitter alcoholic as an adult so we fell back out of touch.

      This to say, keeping things like that isn’t necessarily a good thing.

      • I love this story so much! Add a couple of sci-fi twists and it could be an episode of BLACK MIRROR.

        • Thanks haha. I do need to walk it back a bit: i just googled my maiden name and up popped my name now + husband + address so I guess it wasn’t that magical. Bitter alcoholic part still true but I’m no shining image of sanity myself, so.

    • so a used dirtfest tacky ass steampunk piece of shit for FULL RETAIL ? If you paid X and use it… shouldn’t you offer a significant discount? X-50 at most!

      What am I saying, of course these bitches grub for money like pigs for truffles.

    • And old piece of smelly leather and stranger’s DNA for $268?

      What a bargain!

  9. It’s like the Mortified series and movie on Netflix, where people read from the journals they kept as teenagers, except she’s never learned enough to be truly mortified by her past behavior.

  10. Receding hairlines, permanent hats or headscarves, sudden bangs – these Goddesses already have 55+year-old hairdos.

  11. No to bangs! (especially the finger kind from whosits at whatchamacallit restaurant)
    The arms…positively Tyrannosaurus Rex.
    The fingers… absolute Sloth claws.
    The jaw… unhinged Boa Constrictor.
    The macrame top…well, Melanie Griffith wore it better in”The Drowning Pool” (see internet)

    • The popped left shoulder, ALWAYS… like, just put your arm around your friend without contorting your shoulders.
      The bizarre head tilt… WHY? Does she think it looks cute? She always the person who’s listing to one side while everyone else is just standing up straight.
      The bangs make her look even more bucktoothed, which makes no sense at all, but they do.

      • Dear Greg, that is one awesome rabbit hole of guest stars… Jim Nabors, Carol Channing, Ruth Buzzi…

        • I know. Looking for that image sucked me into this Laugh-In alumnae wormhole where I found talented, beautiful icons of my youth (Judy Carnes, Pete Duel) didn’t fare so well in the end (even as Goldie Hawn did.) But now I will find Love in A Rooftop episodes on YouTube (set in San Francisco, great fashions!) which only ran for one season.

          • You are right,or course, Brayella. Thank Source someone is keeping track of All the Details for future footnotes of PhD candidates in Donkology.
            P.S. Speaking of which, whatever happened to that Alice Marwick(?) Merkin(?) person who saw fit to cite Donkey droppings in her Microsoft (?) University thesis defense?

  12. Social media expert Julia’s Twitter follower count dropped today from 92.4K to 54.2K.

    • Beahahaha! I did wonder what the outcome was going to be for her when I heard that Twitter was deleting all the fake store bought followers.

    • Oh that’s just because she doesn’t engage on Twitter, not because she purchased mass quantities of bots….hahahahahahah

      • And now she’s down to 53.3k.
        Feasibly, it should probably be about 19k.

        • I do always enjoy when a usual clickbait site does the lists of who lost the most followers during a Twitter purge.
          I’m just waiting for the woos to start a support group for this very troubling social media *purge* disorder.
          GoFundMe campaigns to get back fake followers just in time for Burning Man.

    • “Long time no see, my dear childhood friend!!!

      Let’s stage a fauxtoshoot for 2 billion Facebook users!”

      • I believe it’s been pointed out here before that people with her alleged afflictions seldom have friends and it they do, they’re never long-term or from childhood
        Oh she showed us.
        I also thought victim of the Barbie theft was a cousin?
        I might be brian williams mis-remembering that though.

      • No idea. This instagram post is two months old and he’s been gone at least that long. Jena refers to the very good looking one less and less.

    • my response to every single one of these woo-woo types woo-ing is just that gif of Titus Andromedon yelling WHAT IS THIS WHITE NONSENSE. ugh

  13. I forgot all about Natasha. How could I forget that excellent hair? Really, she is blessed with great hair.

Comments are closed.