Donk Is Bringing Daddy Warbucks To Show & Tell

A purpose-driven has-been is hired by HIVE in the 11th hour? Is Judy putting together a father and daughter Vaudeville team? Will Petey soon be dancing for us, too? Will Ryan Allis’s mommy be joining his panel? So. Many. Questions.

Whatever cred Petey still possessed after being eased out of the Chicago law firm where he’d been a minor player for years, he just shot to hell. Maybe he can team up with Ali Shanti for her next “Family Wealth” scam conference.

119 COMMENTS

  1. No f-ing way.

    Like no way did he know about or approve the phrase “purpose-driven,” right?

      • Since when has Donkey’s life ever had any purpose but landing a wallet and having her days filled with spa treatments, traveling and shopping sprees?

        Great choice for a Hive speaker, Ryan. Is hiring underqualified friends and cronies your definition of purpose-driven?

          • Doesn’t mean it’s not still her life’s purpose, even if it’s still a fantasy. That’s what makes it ironic for her to be presenting at a conference that is allegedly about something completely different.

    • Judging by that guy’s profile pic, “holotropic breathwork” definitely involves some kind of tricky porno stunt. Maybe learning how not to panic when approaching the average Woo goddess’s unkempt yoni.

      • Excuse you! Gregorio Avanzini is a Fulbright Scholar, an architect, transformational coach, meditation facilitator, community development consultant, and an avid volunteer as well as an enthusiastic hugger. He is currently awakening paradise on earth.

        https://www.theproject.love/

        • he should link up with the hobbit-guy from the swiss-mister’s latest iceland escam-pade.

        • “However within the last few centuries, we’ve increasingly become more isolated and disconnected.”…then “The Answer” to this problem is 200 jubilant young white people, shirtless on a beach.

          Not sure which is more offensive: the thought of Gregorio’s ACTUAL enthusiastic hugs and gaping maw, or his masterpiece of a website with the photos of his friends’ gaping maws and his rambling about organic winter wardrobe swap meets or something.

      • He looks exactly like the photo of the manager of “Scrunchie’s Playhouse”, the children’s playroom at a supermarket near my old home. He also looks like he has terrible breath.

  2. A family that grifts together, stays together.
    -Bishop Polyester Tutu

  3. The legal needs of start ups are very specific and largely have to do with specific SV norms. They’re also almost always transactional — the whole point is to avoid getting dragged into litigation. The fact they have a washed-up Peter Baugher speaking instead of someone from Fenwick or some similar firm is truly sad.com

      • Yeah, cronyism vs. getting the right people for the job. The Fenwick Silicon Valley firm would be a much better choice. They’d very likely come out for free and be a better resource for the attendees. I guess Ryan is still pussywhipped by a Donkey.

        • Donk did manage to lure ex Rebecca Thienman(sp?) and current piece Danielle Blum into her web – Blum even has a moment of idiocy in Maria Teresa’s Chavez’s asinine Shakti Uprising commercial. Maybe they’re the ones pressuring manboy into including A Donkey in the HIVE shitshow?

    • I can understand your confusion: you’re referring to startups with some chance of proftability and/or sustainability. This summit is for the other kind.

    • This is the weird part – lots of orgs, including Y Combinator, pioneered standard legal docs for startups (no idea if they are good). There are also a bunch of companies that take care of startups legal needs for a fixed cost, and they are advertised on A LOT of podcasts (which is how I know about them). I don’t get what he will be advising them about that a person with Google can’t access, for better?

    • Came here to say exactly what you did. Also any self-respecting VC already has their counsel selected and *guides* the startup to take their guy as part of the funding deal. Their guy is under 100 years-old and lives in Silicon Valley.

      The only traction this undynamic duo could hope for is to parasitically attract singular people, who have no business running their own business (any of the woo-grifters) and who call themselves startups. Parasites feeding off of parasites. Also see: any online *coach*

  4. His working on the Barnes and Noble side is going to go over like a ton of lead rainbow balloons.

    • Far be it from me to snark on an adorable child-burro cuddling (as recommended by a certain witty pillow/decor statement) on its adoring daddy’s lap, but this could be interpreted by possibly-less-than-impartial observers (me!) to be the OOG (Original Original-Gangsta!) Bottom Picture. Just saying.

    • It looks like, even back then, she was begging men to pick her up or to sit in their laps… and when they didn’t want to, or just weren’t paying attention, she would throw herself at them and they had no choice but to hang on awkwardly, or let her crash to the ground.

      Allegedly.

    • Honestly, that makes me sad. It’s rare that I have any empathy for A Donkey, but something went wrong there very early.

  5. I have only been here since Miss Advised days, though I have read through the archives pretty thoroughly. Was lucky enough to be here early enough that most photos and videos were still online, the sideways blog was still online, etc. Doing my PhDonk research entertained a lot of my insomnia over the years.

    One of the guilty stupid things I’m watching these days in the insomniac period is Gossip Girl on Netflix, something I never saw when the episodes were new. I’m sure it’s no news to a lot of you old time RBDers, but I am amused at the parallels between Donkey’s heyday and what I’m watching on Gossip Girl. I’ve only gotten through the first two seasons, and I’m now convinced that, while it was SATC that got Donkey to NY, it was Gossip Girl that she ripped off during the years the show was on the air, coincidentally the years that Donkey’s popularity was at its peak.

    All those photoshoots and the carefully chosen locations, all those slutty junior department/private school outfits and headbands, working at fashion week, “Queen B,” Blair’s rules for dating, calling friends by their first initial, xo Julia, assembling a posse of sycophants, hiring sycophant interns for menial tasks, posing at the NY Library, snooping thru significant others’ cell phones, bird-dogging wallets, lying and scheming so that the end justifies the means and then you are immediately forgiven, etc., etc. There’s not a single episode I see that doesn’t have something in it that Donkey didn’t blatantly rip off. It is so pathetic that someone close to 30 was modeling her life after some horny writer’s concept of how wealthy Upper East Side teenagers live. I’m suspecting her idea for the “It Girls” pilot had something to do with this as well, but that’s a Donkey chapter I missed. And the 73 point checklist sounds like something Blair would have put together.

    Old timers, can we discuss? For some weird reason I’m fascinated with this. I don’t think SATC alone ruined her life. It just got her to NY and her first jobs there.

      • Yeah, I think her continued claim that she didn’t watch TV means precisely that she watched a LOT of TV.

    • oh totally, she latched on to that show and would reference blair waldorf a lot
      “Gossip Girl ruined my life” will be the new thing on its 20 yr anniversary

    • Once upon a time, David Karp (Ol’ Rasputin Eyes) emailed her a picture of Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf with the comment “my next wife.” From that moment (of course she shared his email with the world), it was GG all the time with her. She tried desperately to get a cameo on the show and got shut down hard. She tried to rent an apartment in the same building as one of the male stars–until apparently her parents refused to cosign the lease. It was another example of her trying to slip into a pre-made fictional identity because batshit.

    • I think this also explains why she can never let go of exes. On this show, no couple is ever “over.” They all keep breaking up and getting back together. That stupid line she fed REDACTED when they ran into each other at a party, “Maybe we were meant to see each other tonight,” is right out of one of GG’s lame scripts.

      When is she going to realize life isn’t a romcom?

      • OK, now I have to see this damn thing that I’ve tried to avoid for several years, though being well aware of the Donk connection. Fortunately the library has all six seasons.

        • You don’t need to subject yourself to anything more than the first season, if you can even get thru that, to see everything Donkey emulated.

  6. OT, but was it already discussed here that Jordacted is getting divorced from Kenny?

  7. Is it “approve this”

    or “approve of this”

    Either way I approve of that there pettifogger meme!

    • It’s modeled after “and I approve this message“ campaign disclosures.

  8. Was his legal specialty in any way related to startups? I don’t understand why he would allow his photo to be put next to a guy who does “holotropic breathwork”? Not an attorney at all, but they usually seem pretty careful about not giving advice if it’s not their specialty? I don’t get what he will have to say, besides maybe reminding the woos to pay taxes or they will go to jail.

  9. I don’t understand why the Hive literature says the Summit is occurring at 1440 Multiversity in Silicon Valley, California. It is in Scotts Valley, plus “Silicon Valley” is not a town. I can just see the eager attendees’ GPS’s melting down trying to locate the venue.

      • LAFFS. I still can’t get over the fact that they call themselves “Global Leaders.” Truly some next level shit.

        • i can’t get over how disconnected the topics in the program are. purpose-driven global leadership? there’s no connecting threads to this theme except breathing and hugs.

          • I left a tl;dr on this downthread, not seeing your post first. I agree completely, it’s weak and all over the map. And why would personal transformation be the the theme for people who have already attended one of their events, which always have personal transformation (woo shit) heavily on the event calendar?

          • the endless personal transformations somehow always have to be followed by more personal transformation, paraphrasing don draper

          • It seems so light in content (as do all these dumb “summits” that the woos are always hosting.) It looks like it’s mostly “OK, you guys, break into groups and talk amongst yourselves, and you’ll leave the conference with 100s of new contacts you can spam with your grifts!”

        • Because “some of our attendees come from other countries besides the US” doesn’t sound as pretentious.

          Maybe this year a breakout on beating the new travel and immigration bans might be more helpful.

    • I 100% understand exactly why the Hive literature says this. And I would bet it was the PR expert who suggested it. Because it is idiotic. And she is an idiot.

  10. Just a first blush impression, but I would proceed with caution when making speculative comments about dadser here below the post. Defamation per se and licensed professional and so on. Just my attorney worst case scenario mind’s alarm bells going off. The bar is much lower for him than donks to make a claim, and one would accomplish what the other couldn’t all these years she’s wanted to, tried and failed. I would just be cautious with declaratory statements about him, his practice and skills/career. I would suggest lots of clarification as to what’s opinion and speculation as opposed to fact. No need to give donk the gift of a claim by association.

    • Thanks for your concern. Seriously, I’m not doing snark. We do address speculative comments in the disclaimer, and oldtimers do tend to shut down utterly outrageous speculation fairly quickly.

    • this is good counsel. there used to be an unwritten rule that we did not (figuratively) poke the donkey, and based on the c&d’s that were once upon a time sent to peoples’ places of employ, is very wise policy.

    • Speculation: whoever said Dadsers was looking for a way to get JABA’s expenses as a writeoff was spot-on.

      Speculation: the two of them have been “in business” together for years. Now it looks as though he’s agreed to just make it official.

      ALLEGEDLY.

      • JFA: recently spoke (not PAID, these things are generally for marketing) at a conference where one of my colleagues, also a speaker, brought her husband in as a speaker. They share a very distinctive last name, and it just wasn’t a good look, you know? True, they are in somewhat adjacent fields, so his material was not immaterial, but it smelt a bit of nepotism or “couldn’t you find an expert whose participation isn’t obviously enriching your own family’s opportunities?” A bit of an ick factor for me, although I do respect them both individually in their fields. Off base?

  11. “Daddy! I’ve got a great idea! You’re an attorney, and I’m a famous PR person! Let’s join forces and be influencers together!”

    (Speculation: the other way around. “Honey, now that I’ve got some time on my hands, maybe we can set something up that might turn into a real job for you.”)

    Cue Pet Shop Boys.

  12. So there are 377 spots available for this conference. Cost is $850 unless you register by this weekend and get $150 off, or that you qualify for a $350 “scholarship.” You are required to be a Hive alumnus to attend. Price does not include travel or lodging.

    So you are a young wannabe world-changing entrepreneur and have already spent more than $2k to attend one of Ryan’s previous half-baked retreats. What person in money-strapped startup mode would be willing to toss out another $1000 or so to attend a seminar with pedestrian D-list speakers and woo “coaches”?

    Could there possibly be more mixed messages? If you profess to be purpose-driven already in your wannabe business, and you are already a Hive alumnus, why would you find value in attending a business seminar with the theme of “personal transformation?” Wouldn’t you already be “personally transformed” to have even contemplated attending the first Hive?

    This whole thing makes no sense to anyone with any business acumen. It is completely unfocused, and nothing anyone couldn’t learn by watching a handful of YouTube videos and regional TED talks. All people have to do is Google the presenters to see how lame this is. Watch for Ryan to stage a fire sale on tickets at the last minute and extend the attendance to non-alumni.

    • Allis always pulls some sort of scholarship discount crap – be sure to apply! – and then he appears to give the freebies to friends.

  13. FYI: I’ve removed several comments that make claims beyond the pale. This isn’t reddit and I don’t have the time to babysit.

  14. Guys. His PANTS MATCH his TIE. I know there was bad fashion in the 80s, but this just seems BEYOND insanity. Was this thing common? Like, did stores put ties together on shelves with their matching pants? Were people socially snubbed if their festive checked pants did not exactly match the tie?

    And a tiny part of me wishes he still had those pants and brought them out at Christmas, instead of the green corduroy things.

  15. The dynamic between her and her Dad super-duper creeps me out. Anyone else get this weird vibe?

    • i dont think its that weird, but i do think its weird how much lodwick looked like him

    • No. And has already been pointed out, we really should steer clear of that kind of innuendo

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