Our beloved burro has just returned from the G-7 summit, where she advised the national disgrace on how to rip up important documents – “I printed out the breakup email from Jack, as in McCain, and tore it to shreds JUST LIKE THIS!”
Back home in Wilmette and often bursting into tears because a fictional television character ruined her life, trooper Julia, now attempting to live a life of integrity (when she’s not stalking ex-boyfriends), is prepping for the HIVE Global Leaders Summit in Silicon Valley.
Ryan Allis, HIVE’s pint-sized master blaster, has booked his current girlfriend and exes to work the
suckers crowd. Julie won’t be performing any Tijuana circus act or speaking during the cocktail hour during this HIVE shitshow. Nope. Not-Carrie-Bradshaw-2.0 has been relegated to a panel on “Entrepreneurship Breakout.” Will she be discussing TMI Weakly? How she sold it for Fuck You money? How Mark Zuckerberg would never have gotten Facebook off the ground if it hadn’t been for a burro’s smart suggestions and connections?
Keep working that grift, Donk, even if Ryan’s the only one buying. Those HIVE summits give poor “Rainy” a break from the stalking.
P.S. Grifty is checking up on site loading times with our host.