Lying Liar Julia Allison, Mounter Of World Summits, Has Been Demoted From Speaker To Panelist At The Next HIVE Wankfest

Our beloved burro has just returned from the G-7 summit, where she advised the national disgrace on how to rip up important documents – “I printed out the breakup email from Jack, as in McCain, and tore it to shreds JUST LIKE THIS!”

Back home in Wilmette and often bursting into tears because a fictional television character ruined her life, trooper Julia, now attempting to live a life of integrity (when she’s not stalking ex-boyfriends), is prepping for the HIVE Global Leaders Summit in Silicon Valley.

Ryan Allis, HIVE’s pint-sized master blaster, has booked his current girlfriend and exes to work the suckers crowd. Julie won’t be performing any Tijuana circus act or speaking during the cocktail hour during this HIVE shitshow. Nope. Not-Carrie-Bradshaw-2.0 has been relegated to a panel on “Entrepreneurship Breakout.” Will she be discussing TMI Weakly? How she sold it for Fuck You money? How Mark Zuckerberg would never have gotten Facebook off the ground if it hadn’t been for a burro’s smart suggestions and connections?

Keep working that grift, Donk, even if Ryan’s the only one buying. Those HIVE summits give poor “Rainy” a break from the stalking.

P.S. Grifty is checking up on site loading times with our host.

159 COMMENTS

  1. Julia Allison, who has never been an entrepreneur, has never worked for a company, has never founded nor worked for a start-up, who never succeeded in creating her personal brand, who was fired from her nominal media jobs (celebrity gossip, blogging about the guys she’s dated), who was voted 3rd most hated person on the internet, and whose only press is bad press… that Julia Allison?

    Julia Allison, who hasn’t been relevant since 2007, and even then she was something of a joke, a “micro celebrity” for her attempts to get attention in a Speidi/Snooki/Johnny Fairplay way… that Julia Allison?

    People are paying money to hear this nutbar and her pretend career advice from her pretend career? Carrie Bradshaw Zero point Zero? I have a bridge to sell them.

    • This is a great description of her. Someone needs to work it into her Wikipedia page somehow one of these days. ?

          • If donkey isn’t hurriedly amending her Wikipedia page, it sounds, possibly, like she may not have access to electronic devices … dare we consider that the ‘rent$ may have finally 5150’d her ass?

          • I truly hope she’s in some sort of program and she’s prevented from writing about for at least five years. She needs to prove to herself that she can sustain change & grown. Oh wait…never mind- rinse and repeat.

        • Unfortunately, even when true, unless someone supports a statement with a linked citation, it can be removed.

          • There should be plenty of quotable damning stuff in the Wired (OMG! 23rd bestselling cover in newsstands) piece or in gawker.com.

        • plus “Julia attended Indiana University and Georgetown University, where she dated many medical students and became known as “the Medstitute”[11]” with a footnote, natch

      • Actually someone should work the latest press references, with quotes and citations, into the Wiki. Those would be accepted and kept.

    • Brilliant Tingo and to add when has she worked with *conscious* companies. Sea World anyone?
      What makes me sick about these *coaching* programs and others like them is that they prey on people who should NEVER be in business for themselves. That’s not an insult, it’s a reality. Not everyone is meant to own and run their own business.

      • So you’re suggesting the Donkey is not in any way qualified to advise anyone on in any country, or on any planet, on how to be an entrepreneur? Dad$ers is not gonna be happy about this at all. 🙁

    • He’s a consulting producer on OMG! Fuller House. Maybe Andrew – how much you wanna bet he’s turned woo? – could create a Netflix show for Donk.

        • You know it.

          Hey, Andrew, if you’re reading here, Julia’s series MISS ADVISED was one of the lowest-rated shows in Bravo’s history.

      • LOL, remember “Internet Famous“ starring Julia Price’s friend, Amanda Cerny, whose Instagram reflects many donkey-inspired fauxtos? Flusher schooled on that, trust.

        Many of donkeys BFFs publicly make fun of her at some point, which is why I can see Noodles repurpose the Wired cover pose, after having that shit shoved down her & everyone else’s throat for however long they’ve known donkey.

        • But the woos have no sense of humor. Plus, an insider tells me that all they do is talk about how wonderful they are and how wonderful their friends are. They may cease talking about Julie, but they won’t turn the burro into shits and giggles. Who has time to laugh while reaching the next level of transformation?

  2. My god, I leave the basement for a few months and things get wild. I can’t believe she got so interesting again, and by interesting I mean terrifying.

    Three days ago I turned in brand new BOOK! That feeling when I hit send and got a text from my editor saying he’d gotten it and was thrilled? I’m almost sorry for JABA that she’ll never feel it.

    • Woohoo! So happy to see you, and congrats!

      Lots of cray to catch up on!

    • Handbag! Nice to see you. I was barely around for a very long time but I’m back, baby. I am back.

      • I love, love, love seeing the favs all back!

    • Didn’t writing the book change your life so much that by the time you finished it, you no longer wanted to publish it? That’s what a crucible usually does!

      • I discovered happiness had always been in my own backyard, Gilly, so I threw the manuscript in a fire and said, “It will be like it never existed at all.”

    • WhooHoo Handbag! Very excited for you and for us to read it. I had hoped a new a project was in the works and accounted for your much missed absence.
      Congratulations and please let JA know if you’ll need press on your next book tour. I hear she’s available.

    • BOOK is the very best reason to miss basement time, though we’ve mourned your absence. Very excited.

    • >That feeling when I hit send and got a text from my editor saying he’d gotten it and was thrilled

      That’s AWESOME, I’m so happy for you!

    • Hi Handbag. Years ago you mentioned you’d done a mother-daughter reading group on eating disorders. Would you be willing to share your reading list with me?

  3. Co-panelist #2 Marcus McNeill

    Not to be confused with Marcus McNeill the former NFL player (Chargers), or Marcus MacNeill the enterprise software VP, or slain New Orleans police officer Marcus MacNeil.

    No. So on page 6 of Google, perhaps it is Marcus McNeill, renowned North Carolina optician and entrepreneur?

    https://authoritypresswire.com/fayetteville-nc-optician-and-entrepreneur-marcus-mcneill-featured-in-business-innovators-magazine/

    Watch out, world leaders!

  4. OT, but had to quote from Julia’s Post article:

    “I do wonder what my life would have looked like if “Sex and the City” had never come across my consciousness. Perhaps I’d be married with children now?”

    Well, the latter show was indeed set in Chicago.

    • Married with Children? or perhaps she’d be Lost? Nurse Julie? Maybe she should see a Doctor– Doctor Who?

  5. CoPanelist #3: Tricia Teague

    Now we’re getting somewhere. A WoC who creates a publication about all good things going on for the PoC in Danville (state not named). Also author of the book “Football is Just Like Shopping.”

    http://www.problacknews.com/about-us

    I feel for Tricia being stuck on this panel. She’s the only one who seems to be doing something along the lines of HIVE’s mission statement. Why she wasn’t included on a breakout panel devoted to reaching out to encourage entrepreneurship among minorities is beyond me.

    • Holy merde. I think my cousin knows Ms. Teague. Vice President of the Boys & Girls Club of Danville? She’s sure to adore a lazy donkey still living off her parents.

      • She’s done a lot of meaningful work for the community. I hope she kicks Donkey’s ass.

        Do you see a common breakout theme among these four? I sure don’t.

        • Nope. Just another sterling example of the professionalism of HIVE and “world leader” Ryan Allis.

          • Christ, world leaders don’t even refer to themselves as world leaders. Except of course Trump and his GF Putin.

  6. Question for catladies: how many seconds does it take for RBD to load for you today?

    • almost instantaneous. pinging you from a nyc IP takes 130 ms

      thank you for everything – the offer of $$ to assist with hosting fees still stands.

      • And that, even though you didn’t ask this question, it took 25 seconds to load w/ a reply included.

        Appreciate what y’all are doing.

    • A lot, sadly.

      7.6 seconds for a certain page (Chesca post if you need to know) and just over 22 seconds for the front-page.

    • Thank you all who helped update the site. It’s still slightly slower than previous weeks but MUCH better than last week.

    • 36 seconds, from HP Spectre, Chrome via Cox business

    • Thanks so much, are you Grifty? I had no idea 🙂

      It loads much more quickly on my iphone 5BC (as in “ancient.”)

      Still takes some extra time to load on my HP Pavilion laptop, but I am not getting the Hostgator redirect.

      • Part of the problem is also the WordPress software itself. The server fix takes care of some of it but it is not the nimblest of applications, and we have a lot of archives. But now at least we have more capacity as a start.

    • we were down for about five minutes around 2.32pm eastern.

      hostgator returned a 500: internal error. tried to reload – no progress, did not even time out. could ping the server but page would not load. traceroute confirmed everything was alive.

      closed browser, cleared cache, blah blah blah, site loaded correctly 2.45pm-ish with less than three second load time.

      same machine as below; safari 11.1.1 in debug mode (to completely disallow inline video, and disable CSS animation triggers); fios 100/100 connection.

    • Oh god she lives in the Bay Area she has stunk up the place. For reals rents are super high even in Berkeley, will need to grift heavily. Ugh the east bay has been downgraded with the addition of one lazy dumb empty minded and heart bitch.

      • That ladumb bish flying back to NYC for a fundraiser -grift. Cray. Dobsye the hundreds of dollars in flight fee if you cared

  7. I found the “reasonable man” who writes her poetry. Who says she has no suitors?!

    [REDACTED]

      • Word. How would you feel if you made the drunken mistake of fucking a donkey one night and then had to live the rest of your life as a known Donkey fucker? C’mon man, have a heart f”Christsake

        • One must learn to live with the consequences of one’s actions. It’s really no different than having drunken, unprotected sex with a stranger and winding up with the herp

    • But really, if the Donkey ends up in Boulder she _really_ needs to hook up with Ryan Swain. It would be epic. Please make this happen, Julia! He’s loaded, too! 😀

      • Can you imagine if A Donkey were the one with the embarrassing weirdo she couldn’t get rid of?

    • Does he read the Atlantic tho. Are his parents still married? Does he have any hair on his head?

        • I’ll never forget that video of her bawling her head off about Mary Magdalene finally getting some props from the Vatican.

          • She’s such a world-class phony, and you know she rehearsed that nonsense several times before yelling, “Cut! That’s a wrap!”

      • yep. again, posed fauxto.

        do you think it’s still on the kickstand? a bike that size, her little stick legs wouldn’t be able to hold it up.

        • It’s not leaned over enough for the kickstand to be in play but it could be up on the center stand. She can’t be holding it up with both the levers (clutch & brake) pulled in because that would be beyond awkward. So yeah, going back and looking, her hands look relaxed enough she’s not holding the bike up so probably it’s up on the center stand. VROOM VROOM

          • if you click on the fb icon, then load the whole picture, you can see that the stand is down.

          • huh. Strange. Most bikes if you lean on the kickstand it’s a more acute angle. SHRUGS

  8. Wow, I look away for three short years or whatever and shit has gotten bananas again.

  9. Just noticed on the Bottom Picture that some shirtless dude is actually sitting on the front of the stage and talking to a group of people standing in front of him. If that doesn’t say ‘not interested in your gyrating’, I don’t know what does.

    OT but I just wrote an ‘I’m not going to be in contact with you any more’ message to an old friend/acquaintance/colleague/jackass. He is brilliant and can be hilarious and charming and also helpful from a work perspective, but will periodically dump a load of crazy feelings-shit. Recently he messaged me out of nowhere to tell me that a recent injury of mine was God’s punishment because I was such a bitch (although he wasn’t nearly that nice about it). So thanks, RBD, for helping me nope the fuck out of this situation – in years gone by I would have tried to fix it and him but you all have given awesome advice about dealing with such people over the years.

    • Congratulations on cutting ties with a JIML. Block his number, unfriend, block his emails, and never look back. It’s awesome.

      • As you can imagine (since I grew up in a family very similar to the Baughers), jerkectomies are not the way I was taught to deal with this kind of person. Assholes get an appeasement strategy all the way. But it’s so freeing to just say ‘I decline your invitation to join you in Crazytown’ and move on with my day.

        Thanks for the suggestions to block & unfriend, etc. Sounds stupid, but I literally hadn’t thought of that.

  10. You guys, some writerly people on Twitter were talking about their least favorite episodes of Sex and the City, and a number of people mentioned an episode where Carrie bargained her Vogue rate up from $4/word to $4.50/word.

    And I had the blinding epiphany that THAT’S WHERE DONKEY GOT THE BIZARRE POINTLESS LIE ABOUT HER WORD RATE. I mean, we knew nobody had ever paid her $4/word, but who knew it came directly from SatC?

    Donkeys gotta donkey, I guess.

    • Wow! The lying liar who lies can’t even concoct an original pile of B.S.

      Carrie Bradshaw 2.0, indeed. Own it, Donkey!

    • More than once, between SATC or HIMYM reruns, I have had the donkjavu aha moment like that. Pretty sure I even mentioned similar on here.

        • Will there be an article in the Post about how Gossip Girl negatively influenced her to dress like an Easter kinderwhore?

          • Ha ha I am imagining the mock interview that RBD could come up with on that debacle.

          • Gossip Girl definitely inspired Donks to imitate Blair’s Headband of Power on multiple occasions, iirc.

    • Not in the least surprising and yet so, so delicious. Now I imagine her trying to negotiate that rate for herself, claiming it must be the going rate, she’s seen it on the TV.

    • Oh Greg, I just recently re-saw that “Carrie works at Vogue” episode, and it is so terrible. Okay, she has this weird older guy “mentor” figure we’ve never seen before and will never see again, he gets her drunk and takes his pants off and it’s too disgusting. The dialogue is excruciating. But best of all, the whole episode is based on Carrie being blocked, she needs his help to write an article that is.. 300 WORDS LONG. Three hundred words. That’s more like a wordy caption. But Carrie’s such a dingbat she needs this creeper’s “help”. Candace Bergen’s editor character Enid was perfectly right to not be impressed by Ms. Sadshaw’s very poor imitation of a professional writer. Carrie was Donks level in her unprofessionalism and absolute vapidity. 300 words! Crikes.

  11. So Jules is screwing Ryan Allis, right? Or had a three-way with him and his GF?

    Sex is the only logic that works here.

    • I think it’s the only thing she has left to offer.. she has no smarts, job skills, resume to speak of. Poor girl 🙁

    • Highly unlikely. She’s very happy with Mr. Reasonable. But seriously, she’s obsessed with Rain.

      Julia sucks up to couples with money, doing her darndest to become “sisters” with the female half. She’s done this with Allis’s pieces, and to an appalling extent with Kitty Kittay and Brit Moron. If you thought she stuck her tongue up Randi Zuckerberg’s rear end …

      • Every time I see Kitty Kittay and can’t help of think of The Wedding Singer and Drew Barrymore’s character who, after being married, was going to be Julia Gulia.

  12. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=har43PjkjwE

    The Obsidian podcast followers have deemed Donk to be a spinster.
    THITH ITH STHUCKTHETH!

    Podcast starts about 3:10 in.

    Wikipedia still reflects Donk’s abysmal living sitch, so I really am questioning her access to electronic devices at this point. Maybe that has to do with terms of a temporary restraining order? I can’t imagine Mom$er or Dad$er having any influence over that.

    • Uh oh.. so are they suggesting that Donk is beyond the marrying age and an old lady? Damn. Just a good thing Dad$er has a bottomless check book.

    • Donk always pins during her “off the grid!” sabbatical claims … can someone who does Pinterest check how recent was her last wedding dress fauxtoshoot pin?

      We’re well beyond involuntary 72-hour hold territory here … ::wink emoticon:: I like to think Dad$er tricked her back to the ALF w/ the promise of yet another pointless fauxtoshoot & then had her committed for her own good, but I suspect there’s way too many skeletons in the Booger closet for that to actually happen.

      If only we knew when was the last threatening tEXt …

      /theory #666,953

      • Bray, I stalked her pinboards for you, but the pins aren’t dated. (If they are, I don’t know how to see that info.) Her boards are just what you’d expect: fauxtoshoot ideas; yoga fauxtoshoot ideas; goddess fauxtoshoot ideas; men’s fauxtoshoot ideas (oh, honey);musical artist branding ideas (good lord, girl, move on); wedding ideas (just stop, Miss Havisham); pink poofy home decor ideas; something called NHC that features fauxtoshoot ideas with men and women posing with books, laptops, conference tables, and other Important Bizness Lady props; a hilarious pinboard of ideas for co-living communities; and perhaps my favorite board of all… guest room ideas (because we’ve seen the bleak, cheaply furnished, unwelcoming guest rooms in Villa Novato.)

        However, Kitty Kitty and lil’ Ryan A. share the co-living pinboard with Donk, and on Kitty’s end, it says she hasn’t updated it in a year. (Sorry, Donk, can’t crash with them anymore.) So maybe Pinterest doesn’t date-stamp stuff, but gives an inactive status so that you don’t follow dead boards.

        TL;DR: Donk collects fauxtos of other people posing in the way she would like to pose. HEALTHY. NORMAL.

        • Tingo:
          What I know about Pinterest is next to nothing, but I do recall previous google on La Burra that would reveal she had pinned to Pinterest like two hours ago one day ago three weeks ago etc., so that’s what I thought could be searched. Thank you for trying!

          Gilly:
          I know even less about being 5150’d, fortunately. Thank you for the clarification. Thinking that I’ll revise my theory to “voluntary“ admission as part of a ruse to get out of stalking charges. Ha ha.

        • NHC

          Nationally-hated cunt
          Nylon hair curls
          Never helps clean
          Never had clout

      • She’s not going to be committed. Julia isn’t threatening to hurt herself and she’s not suicidal. She’s a raging narcissist and a liar – you don’t get 5150’ed for either.

  13. I once had a guy I was dating ghost me. And as it turns out, it was over my birthday, too. But, whatever. I’m not 10. I didn’t get why. I mean I had some guesses, but what you gonna do? When it finally dawned on me what was up, I deleted his phone number and email address. I never wanted to embarrass myself by contacting him again. I flew from California to Texas to celebrate that birthday with old college friends, then came home and moved on.

    I did wonder what happened to him from time to time when he popped into my head even after I got married, but he was semi-famous in the extreme sport he was into, and I wasn’t going to embarass myself by trying to contact him. He was an exceptional person, really sharp and charming. I realize I must’ve done something, but who wants to get in someone’s face, remind them of it and make them tell you? I think about the people I chose not to talk to anymore and how I feel about them. I just don’t get trying to interact with someone who feels that way about me. Misplaced hope? Delusions? Spite? How in any scenario does more of you help when someone wants none?

    • Because she doesn’t think of the other person as a “person“,
      she thinks of them as her own personal prop(erty).

      • So on the one end of the spectrum we have Noodles asking infant Crow if he wants to be picked up and apologizing to Donk purportedly for saying no to her manipulate and on the other end we have Donkula who treats a former romantic partner like an ill-fitting frock (just shove your arms and ass into it, hon, it’ll give, eventually, or tear). Is there no curve in the bell curve or just all skewed tails?

        • Donk has always treated her boyfriends like raw materials, objects that are a means to an end. The ‘end’ is her unrealistic formulaic fantasy, and it seems to be non-negotiable to her. So the square peg always gets shoved into the round hole, on her timetable and in the pretentious location of her choice. The only variable is how long her current meat puppet puts up with it and her before he flees.

          This never works. And the fact that she does this over and over again is the definition of insanity.

      • Could’ve been. It’s not like I hacked his phone or emailed his ex’s. I’ll never get it. He just seemed so into me, was even a little jealous, and then nada. I figured he must have had some weird thing that I didn’t measure up to, and it was for the best that he self-selected out of my life before it got weirder, bigger or more painful for me, as I was quite charmed by him. He could speak Latin, do advanced math in his head and had a body like Adonis. But maybe fates were being kind. I met and married my catman right after him. Had he not disappeared in a puff of smoke and a flurry of bats, I probably would’ve been still seeing him when Mr. Curling Irons came along.

        • “next” syndrome — the one who is more interested in the chase than the actual being there. it’s not you.

        • “He just seemed so into me, was even a little jealous”

          Could be that he broke up with you before you could break up with him. Classic Borderline move.

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