Lazy 37-Year-Old Loser Still Being Funded By Her Parents Is On A Thpirithual Quest

Here are multiple insights for you, Donkey – free of charge! You’re broke as a joke, only having worked occasionally for Ryan Allis in the last three years, and your parents are getting tired of supporting your raft ass. You’re homeless and your woo pals would prefer you not crashing on their couches for days on end. But be sure to attend another pointless retreat on Dadsers’ dime. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most of your goddess pals actually work in some capacity. If only you knew what some of these folks whisper behind your back …

Bottom Video: Judy and her rainbow skirt appear around 1:55. Is our burro going to be buzzing around the OMG! first global HIVE event taking place three months from now? Well, ditzy Danielle Blum, Ryan’s latest piece, IS currently in Boulder …

111 COMMENTS

  1. Did OMG Rain to the music in this video that’s too loud and awful? It has Judy’s paw prints all over it.

    • This sounds like the song he was playing when she was stoned and bobbing on stage with him at Burning Man, pretending to be into his music whenever he looked her way.

      Hive looks like Club Med for awkward misfits.

      • It certainly doesn’t look like a serious bidness conference and probably costs more than a weekend at Club Med.

  2. the bali sun has not been kind to her skin.

    unless it’s a tanning-bed tan, with the IR protective goggles leaving pale circles around her eyes like that.

    oh, and there’s a palm frond growing out the back of her head.

    • It is a very Trumpian look around the eyes. I believe junior is soon to be single and looking to mingle,and he meets all of the criteria on her current checklist: 1. Wealthy 2. Breathing.

        • I fondly remember the days when she had PRINCIPLES, and a wallet was a requirement.

          By now, she is so desperate even a penis stopped being a requirement (bikissexuality is real!).

    • I think it’s the frosty-white eyeshadow of yore, dug out of her filthy make-up bag to augment her natural Bali-Goddess divine light shining forth.

  3. I love how these fools pretend to be “diverse” and show people of color in their videos but then everyone is conventionally thin/ attractive and the “leadership training” entails taking extensive hikes and dancing. if you have any kind of physical issue, too bad for you because obvs you are not “leader” material. Faux diversity and inclusion but with brown and black people to scam.

    • This. I can’t tell one Stepford woo goddess from another and got a kick out of Nisha Moodley, usually the lone non-white in the rogue’s gallery, trumpeting women of color who are running online grifts that help “life coaches” learn how to fleece everyone.

      • It’s like, the more dots they put on their faces, the more feathers they stick in their hair, the more yoga poses they do, the whiter/blander they look.

        The woos have become such sheep… they’ve adopted this official Burning Man costume in their attempts to look different. Donk is the worst offender; she can’t even manage a reasonable impersonation of what she imagines a hippie is.

        • One encounters much less uniformity in, say, the military, than one finds among these willowy poseurs captured in yoga poses and holding coffee mugs. Judy joining such lemmings is perfect, of course, because she’s never had an original idea in her head and continues to behave like a 16-year-old trying out identities.

          • This! Fun fact: At 16 Julia was going through a 3/4 length arm and flaired jeans phase. The 3/4 detail was extremely important and everything hippie was looked down upon (unless there was skinniness, skinniness trumps/was cooler than it was uncool to not wear 3/4-arm tops in Julias world). I also recall obsessive scrap-booking at the time.

          • Not that long ago Donkey went to the revival of HAIR and was SHOCKED by the OMG! nudity. Now she’s a wannabe hippie thrusting her tits out at dirtfests. Is our wittle girl all grown up? Nah, I’m guessing we’ll see a few more identities before she marries Dr. Gary.

          • OK, you made me reexamine my lifelong 3/4 length sleeve choice (persisting to this day), but I have concluded that for me it’s less a juvenile fashion phase than a natural instinct to showcase my really attractive (Swiss-mister level attractive!
            tanned! slender!) forearms, the only skinny thing about me at this point. That said, we would all welcome additional fun facts about a certain Donkey (pictured here with her bubbies at 3/4-mast) So please provide at any time you see fit.

  4. Top pic is disturbing.

    Apart from the “Trumpian” eyes, it looks like she wrapped a scarf around her neck and is trying to do a self-Isadora.

  5. Again with the stupid posing. We are supposed to believe that you’ve learned something just because you get your clothes at tourist gift shops now? Grab me some crystals from the huge bowl by the cash register the next time you go dress shopping. And some greeting cards with papyrus font.

    How is this any different from posing as slutty santa? Or East Coast prepster? Or serious author lady? Or fashion week correspondent? Or Republican housewide? (typo and it stays) Or tech ingenue? Or New York journalist?

    • She is wearing a draped bracelet on her head. Seriously, look at the links.

      And not to body snark, but her her skin looks awful. It looks like an asphalt road that needs resurfacing. I don’t think this is recent damage.

      • She is wearing her foundation like I did in 8th grade. Heavily beige, stops right quick at the jawline.

        • Yes! My daughter is now experimenting with makeup and I thought of some of her misfires when looking at Judy’s foundation.

    • I was looking for that video in which Loren Feldman ripped her a new one for those inane comments on Wolfe but couldn’t find it.

      • That was one of the dumbest things she’s ever said. And she’s said it more than once, on a stage panel too, if I recall. I doubt she ever read anything of his. Shit, I doubt she’s ever read anything but self help books and Eat Bray Love.

        • I believe she tried to read I AM CHARLOTTE SIMMONS and couldn’t get through it. While the loooong novel is one of Wolfe’s weakest books, Donkey is so fucking dumb that she judged his entire body of work on that misfire and Wolfe then became famous for his white suit alone. Christ, she’s a stupid asshole.

        • Excuse, I’ll have you know she read ALL THE NOVELS as a kid, during ballet intermissions.

  6. I just started reading “Time Zero” by Carolyn Cohagan, a YA novel set in a future dystopian Manhattan where girls are banned from all reading. The teen heroine only learned how to read because her grandmother taught her from a battered copy of Time Out New York, handed down through the generations as the only printed material to survive. I will report back if our favorite hoofed dating columnist gets a mention!

    • I’m so not into dystopia, but this does sound interesting.

    • Wow, I just started reading “Zero Time”, by Cohagan Carolyn, a YA novel set in a future dystopian Manhattan where girls are banned from all reading. The teen heroine never learns to read because her grandmother had a battered copy of Emily Gould’s “The Heart Said Whatever” and thought “fuck it”.

  7. Someone should tell the Shakti goddess that it’s awfully hard to find anything when your head is so far up your own asshole but keep searching Rainbow!!!
    Also, my cats routinely get more likes from their photos than the social media consulting queen.

    • Four likes and no comments in the last 13 hours.

      THIS IS SOCIAL MEDIA SUCCESS!!

      • As if anyone reads her moronic posts and replies, “Rainbow, you have discovered the secret to happiness: a permanent tropical vacation, free from work and responsibilities! What an evolved, spiritual being you are! And what a creative costume you are wearing! You have certainly grown into a mature, self-actualized person! Would that everyone would follow suit! The world would be a much better place if we all lived off our parents and indulged our every whim and set bullshit goals for ourselves such as ‘highlight my self-help books’ and ‘attend another festival’… AHO!”

      • After 6 months and 21 rewrites, they will publish the 35 words she wrote about SATC’s influence on her life.

          • I don’t believe the evolved Rainbow would claim to be Carrie 2.0 at this stage in How To Hit Rock Bottom. She’d tell the poor writer assigned this fluff how she left the horrible NYC years ago and is now devoted to her spiritual growth. She’s actually so evolved that our burro didn’t even need to honor her contract with St. Martin’s because she’s found true happiness. Why waste time writing about it when one could get another massage?

  8. I googled the quote in the FB post. It’s from — you guessed it — a review of a book by Alan Lightman. Not the book … the review.

  9. She never seems to tire of caking her face with bad makeup; dressing up in polyester costumes; donning cheap jewelry made from plastic and dead birds; and asking someone to take her fauxto while she leaps in the air/climbs on someone’s furniture or a piece of public art or someone’s place of worship/points to something with her mouth gaping open in an imitation of surprise/gazes skyward/stands on her tippytoes/contorts her entire body.

    That is literally her entire existence. And she calls it art. God, that’s depressing.

    • It’s her long term deep critique of capitalist culture performance art….
      Her only saving grace…

    • I know, right!? I immediately looked around for a tube of ointment.

    • From the glossary:

      Cankleshausen Syndrome by Proxy • Extreme embarrassment experienced by proxy due to Julia’s highly inappropriate and/or embarrassing actions, tweets, IMs, blog posts, interviews, lipdubs, TMI Weekly segments, TV appearances (e.g. Alexa Chung), Gawker comments, etc. Coined by commenter Dr. Gary DDS. cf. Munchausen syndrome by proxy

  10. In my day, being “spiritual” meant never even letting on you looked in a mirror, let alone posed for photos.

    • My hippie parents were on a spiritual quest and hoped to change the world. However, there are NO dreamy fauxtos of them in their peasant shirts, looking towards the heavens as a professional fauxtographer snaps away. These assholes are always marketing themselves, even when, like Donkey, they have nothing to market other than a vapid existence. Shakti Uprising founder Maria Teresa Chavez is the goddamn worst. Thousands of goddesses pictures, most of which have been airbrushed to oblivion as though Chavez was posing for Scavullo back in the 1970s.

  11. I just thought about what I just posted. What a weird concept, this “my day” thing. TODAY is “my day,” so there! I should of said “Back in THE day.” Ha!

  12. Omg I just went to Jena’s FB page (to find and share here something her Alpine Man posted) and there is a post on her page that says “today is the day!” ? As for that Sasha post, it’s on his page and is about some movement to fund NYC. I clicked on the link to see what it was, and underneath where you are asked to donate, it says “Strength in Numbers” and then lists the total number of contributors…… (wait for it)……… 18.

  13. OT but what do you think Julia will do when John McCain passes? I’m thinking a 32-paragraph ramble on Facebook about how he was almost her father-in-law, how she learned so much about who she really was from that time in her life, and she only wishes she could have shared her newfound lifestyle with him, that it might have saved him from his inoperable brain cancer. The post would obviously be accompanied by the picture she took with the McCains at flapjack’s graduation. And then she’ll dust off her Twitter so she can tweet at Meghan, Yimmy, Cindy, Flapjacks, Flapjack’s Better Half, sending her condolences and the healing power of rainbows.

    • #thehometheyshared #thisbeltsignifiesourunendingconnection #keepthatcoffinintheair #slidingdoors #Iateyourgirlscoutcookiescindy #takecaredearheart

    • I don’t know. Many catladies expected her to bleat something along those lines when that Blazing Guy (ha!) guy died, and when Lilly went to meet her Maker and BOOK (might or might not have happened already, but I’m in the “Lilly is with BOOK” camp), but nothing. It seems like she has become too lazy / inarticulate even for these festivities.

  14. Julia’s quote is from the BrainPickings review of the book ‘Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine’ by Alan Lightman. Tho intellectual.

    “A lyrical and illuminating inquiry into our dual impulse for belief in the unprovable and for trust in truth affirmed by physical evidence . . . emerging with that rare miracle of insight at the meeting point of the lucid and the luminous . . . Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine is a splendid read in its entirety.” — Brain Pickings
    https://www.littlebrown.co.uk/books/detail.page?isbn=9781472152817

  15. Is “multiversity” supposed to mean “X number of times better than diversity,” or is it just saying that the attendees all went to different colleges?

    • My siblings all applied to a single college, early decision, but I applied multiversty.

      • multiversty is when you’re super thirsty for fame and fortune but have zero talent in many areas.

    • It is a marketing gimmick slogan, playing off the ‘uni’ in ‘university.’

      Oh, we aren’t just about one thing, no, not us. We are about many things. We are the enlightened ADHD of conferences. We throw together all the cliched things we think the cool kids are into these days, toss them all against the wall, and see what sticks. That’ll be $3000 please, travel and lodging not included. Act now, FOMO youth, seating is limited.

  16. The HIVE video is alone worth watching for the hilarious picture of the food. I literally burst out laughing. The healing chef just might have a side gig.

    • Unfortunately, I can’t post any still frames of the food in here. A couple of the dishes looked as though they’d been scooped out of a dumpster behind Winky’s. (A free case of Franzia if you guess the filmic reference!)

      • “Of course, I’d rather be known as a great actress than a movie star. But, you know, sometimes people end up being both.”

  17. I’m skeptical her parents (or at least dad) are tired of paying for her and her lifestyle. If they didn’t stop once she went full on woo, they aren’t ever going to stop until they are dead

    • I don’t suspect they’ll stop, but Peter has always made her grovel for financial assistance and they prefer not to give her cash. He was furious when she charged the Euro grand tour that she and Devin shared to Dadser’s AMEX card. Also, and I find this hysterical, Robin and Peter truly believe that Judy was going to marry Jack McCain and they wouldn’t have to fund her raft ass anymore.

      • Thinking she was going to marry into the McCain family was one of the heights of their delusions

        • We can only imagine the lies she told them. “HAHAHAHA this kid is so much into me, it’s hysterical! His parentsers love me! Cindy says it’s totally okay I ate her cookies because I’m so adorbs!”

          • Didn’t she also go through Cindy’s closet and try on some of her designer clothes?

          • I’d be surprised if she hadn’t. In fact, if Cindy had any tiaras or other objects of Donkey envy lying around….

        • Remember when she (in connection with Dadser’s bday or maybe Fathers Day) was reminding herself via social media that Dadsers might well be on his last (bowed) legs so she should appreciate her parents because they wouldn’t be around forever — but the context/tone was such that anyone could tell that strapped-for-cash Donkey was contemplating their demise in a less sentimental fashion?

      • I have to believe that if she had managed to lock Jack M down, her parents would still have to support her”needs”. I assume Cindy and John have responsibly planned for their estate, but the kids live off their own means. Means made easier by their parents’ wealth, but not necessarily stupid rich until the parents die. I like to think of her living on a Navy pilot’s salary and not realizing it is temporary.

        • As always, you are wise. But Pancakes will be wealthy in his own right after his naval career because he will be in demand as a corporate executive, management consultant, speaker, writer at BOOK, and other opportunities. I can’t be bothered to look it up, but he could already have a law degree or MBA earned during his military service.

          Keep that helo in the air, Babe 🙂

          • “Keep that helo in the air, babe” is possibly the shittiest thing she’s EVER SAID.

            1. they were broken up by that point
            2. this was after she made a huge media-saturated deal about how Jack wasn’t even sure he wanted to keep being in the military
            3. she wrote this after gleefully sharing on his facebook page a military helicopter crash with fatalities
            4. and to parse, “Keep” like he won’t know which side goes up unless she tells him, “helo” bitch you aren’t on nickname terms with that equipment, and “babe” is just so douchey.

            Everything about that was terrible and she is a terrible person for saying it.

          • “I was inside” has forever been my go-to pick if we’re talking “worst Donkey statements,” but I must say you make a very good case for “helo” as well.

            My second favorite thing about the exile from Planet Jack and I was that it was the military (that he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to stay in) that tore them apart, because she was so ready to “settle down” and possibly start a family but he was such a kid with such a family-unfriendly future in the military (that he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to stay in), it just couldn’t possibly work. Odd how things have turned out as far as having a stable relationship and starting a family goes, right?

            And my absolute favorite thing about the breakup was the picture she painted, how they DISCUSSED it with Jack’s buddies from the military, who all CONFIRMED that military was relationship-unfriendly and even quoted divorce stats. I had such laffs.

    • we don’t know. She hasn’t mentioned Lily nor have there been pictures of her.

      • I guess Lily would be about 33 years by now, right….

        RIP Lily 🙁

        I expected wailing and moaning and so on… good lord I hope that poor dog got to stay with her buddy L or that dog sitter she loved

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