Our Own Captain Gary & Wifecat Dine With & Dissect The Baughers


It happened near Wilmette:

Howdy, basement dwellers! Delurking to report a very boring Baugher family sighting…

Huscat (old-timey commenter Captain Gary), kitten and I went to meet some friends for brunch in our Northern Chicago neighborhood and were sat beside a very nice looking couple with their two well-behaved children. Although the tables are about six inches apart at this place, I didn’t pay them much attention until an older couple sat next to them.

I realized the older gentleman was Dadsers and started to observe more closely…I got the impression that he and Robin were making friendly conversation with the
family next to us because they had cute kids and the seating proximity was so intimate…the way they were speaking was very nice, but…formal.

My heart was racing as I whispered to Capt. Gary, “Peter Baugher- two tables down.”

Well, as I’m sure the cunning catladies have figured out- the nice couple between us and Petey/Robin turned out to be Britt, Allie and their kids. As the meal progressed, they all relaxed a bit, but I was kind of freaked out that my initial impression was that this family were strangers seated next to each other.

Allie (who is really beautiful) was rocking her sleeping baby and seemed hella bored while Britt engaged his toddler and parents, who seemed super happy to be with their son/grandchildren. I wish I could have eavesdropped and given you some juicy intel, but Huscat was between us and we were catching up with friends from out of town.

However, I can report on FASHUN! Midwestern preppy was in full-effect and Dadser’s sweater was a terrible teal and gray pattern of overlapping rectangles. Both he and Britt were doing the basic midwestern uniform of crewneck sweater over collared shirt. Yawn. Robin looks like she has aged and looks a lot like Donk. She was wearing some forgettable combination of red, cream and black with some gold jewelry. Allie was wearing so much boredom.

Overall impression- Momsers/Dadsers just seemed really, really nice and kind of oblivious. Their presence lined up with how they created an unchecked monster and just go along with whatever her current bullshit is.

On a personal note, I never totally bought that Donk was totally supported by her parents (probably because mine would never and I just can’t imagine being in your late thirties and still being supported by your parents) and figured she was a ruthless enough schemer to get by on grift. BUT after experiencing firsthand the doormat vibes of Petey, I will never doubt her source of income ever again.

Hey, catladies – huscat and erstwhile catdude Captain Gary here. Thought I’d jump in with my own two cents here. Being that I was closer, I actually interacted with Britt, Allie and Dadsers (who smiled at our little guy in a very nice Midwestern way). Had some knowing dad banter with Britt – something like “Least fun game ever” as our kitten was dropping his books for Dad to fetch – and the like. Overall, Britt seems nice, if pretty quiet, and Allie seems the same. I’ll concur with the wife that the Baughers don’t seem engage much with her and vice versa; however, other than that, they all seem way too normal to have spawned such a hellbeast. I think it’s like everyone surmises, though – Donks sucked up all the oxygen in that family, Momsers and Dadsers let it go and quietly cleaned up the swath of destruction left by Donknado, leaving quiet Britt to excel in a thoroughly quiet and normal way. Dimestore observational psychiatrist OUT!

Just the fashun violations have upset me greatly and I need to take a siesta. Please discuss amongst yourselves!


  1. Marilyn used that phrase once with me: ‘Julia sucks all the oxygen out of any room she enters’ (she was inviting me to hang out with her and Britt sans Julia, so he could actually have a chance to speak and be spoken to). I’m glad to hear that he has a pleasant, if not effusive, relationship with his parents – I realise that sounds kind of sarcastic but I really mean that.

    In other news I was recently invited to a wedding in Chicago & La Burra will probably also be in attendance. It’s not for a while but it’s been a long time since I’ve done an anthropology-style fieldwork report and I’m super excited about observing her in the wild after all these years.

    • Ha! Listening to Donkey bray on about Marilyn, NGMB thought she walked on water. So funny to know this wasn’t the case!

      • NGMB seemed well acquainted with Julia’s BS when Donkey arrived late, as usual, during the thrilling premiere episode of “Mess Despised.”

          • I totally believe that her mother has said that, SS. But basically my connection to Jules is ultimately through Marilyn, and I definitely heard the oxygen thing from her when I was a child.

          • Now I sort of want to peg you as the babysitter who used to post on Donk’s book of (her) face w/out ever being acknowledged except it doesn’t feel like a personality fit, but on the other hoof I’m sort of taking you for an oldtimer taking us for a ride …

          • Great way to have her stop posting. She already told us she doesn’t want to reveal herself. Why can’t we respect that?

          • I certainly respect anonymity and would never reveal a tipster, but I have had similar concerns re: the legitimacy of this commenter. If any suspicions are unfounded, my sincere apologies.

          • Your concerns are fair enough & reasonable given that I haven’t wanted to specify my exact relationship to the Baugher clan. All I feel comfortable saying is what I already have, which is that my family’s been connected to theirs for decades, and while I haven’t had any personal contact with Julia for years, I am close to people who have.

            I have been lurking for years and am happy to go back to doing so if you’d prefer. Or Gilly can email me and I’ll be a bit more specific.

          • No need to disappear, Hroswitha. I’m good friends with two RBD lurkers who have never commented on here, so I certainly believe one could lurk for years and then decide to post in the comments. It’s happened many a time before and of course we’re interested in what transpires at the Chicago wedding.

          • You have an awesome name, that’s good enough for me. My valve!

          • Many thanks, Gilly & Helena. I know I’ve kind of gone a little nuts posting here out of nowhere & I can’t really explain why the Rain/Rainbow split post was my breaking point after years of lurking.

            It’s totally reasonable that everyone would be a little cautious after years of fake posters & attempts to take down this site in various crazy ways. Like I said, Gilly is welcome to email me if she likes (I assume you can see that info) and I am happy to be a bit less cryptic with her in that context; I trust that would stay confidential.

          • Sorry, I didn’t mean to start a thing — no alarms were raised when I’d said a while back that I hoped the poster was Aunt Vickie — I have no clue who it is but laughed at the thought of Donk trying to recall an actual sitter when she lied on Gawker about some rocker being her sitter.

          • I had suspicions about Hroswitha’s legitimacy when she posted that she and Julia were “kids” together and then mentioned that she and her husband went to Burning Man in the mid-to-late-’90s, when she would have been still well under 21 if she’s Julia’s age.

            That said, I’ve had enough interactions with Donk’s close circle that I’ve had to be careful to not accidentally out myself to them through what I post in comments, and I know other people have too. Sometimes that means being evasive with some details that have broad interpretations without saying anything that’s actually untrue.

          • No, that’s fair, Sad Rat; I know it does sound weird. I met my husband when I was 17 and went to Burning Man with him then (obviously before we were married). You’re right, though, that I’ve been trying to avoid things that would directly identify me, and I can see how that could come off as evasive.

          • A lot of us who have been close to Donk circles have done the same. I don’t live in the same city that I did when I knew a few people in that world, but have made it sound like I do so as not to be sniffed out easily.

    • This *almost* makes me want to rewatch that horrible show. It’s the reason I found this site. I remember thinking, “There’s something interesting about this girl, and I think it’s a bad kind of interesting.” So I googled her and found YOU GUYS!

  2. Robin has aged & now looks like Donk.
    ::snicker emoticon::

    I bet Allie ruffled glittery moop feathers by drawing a line Donk can’t cross wrt her kids.

  3. Teal! My least favorite color! Especially in conjunction with such abominations as Coogi sweaters and Al-Pacino-in-Cruising chaps.

  4. Glorious field report. Thank you, Breakfast Burro-ito and Captain Gary!

    Sounds like the Baughlers have mastered the bad parts of WASPdom (emotional unavailability and bad fashion) without the good parts (binge drinking and hilarious rudeness).

    • I have a lot of residual affection for WASP-y old ladies, having essentially been raised by one, but over the years I have consciously jettisoned most of my WASP ways. However, I was taught early that the best way to handle family holidays was to ‘drink my way through’, and that’s advice I still use today.

        • Never the Bride, I did not under any circumstances mean to imply that I thought *you* were a WASP-y old lady, and I completely apologise if it sounded like that! I just meant to say: I learned the valuable WASP lesson on binge drinking from my elderly female relative and still enjoy the benefits of it. Sorry, catladies; I am still getting the hang of this internet tubes thing.

          • I took it in the spirit in which it was intended, and I am proud of my elderly relative status here in the basement! 🙂

  5. Dadsers is King of the Crewneck and exercises his Sovereignty over boring dinner chitchat.

    Add these to the mediator bio, Petey.

  6. Julia’s inane attempts to paint her family as quirky, intellectual sitcom ready characters has always rung false. These people are about as much fun as watching paint dry.

      • Oh yes! As I understand it you couldn’t get through a meal without Peter dropping some HYSTERICAL bon mot and being around them was piling witticism on top of witticism…. right?

        • It was always like Oscar Wilde, Lady Mary Wortley Montague and Franny and Zooey Glass sat down for dinner hosted by the Mad Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse.

          In the end, Dadsers’ head was usually put in the teapot.

  7. I’m truly sad to hear that the Baughers have a formal and distant relationship with Britt and Allie. I was hoping that when the Donk is away, they have a quality relationship with each other.


    • Nah, this is probably the sort of family where only histrionics get noticed. I doubt Julia would be who she is if her parents were capable of engaging lovingly with normal behavior.

    • That’s one helluva Rogue’s Gallery! And seemingly endless. Is Yalom obsessed with coffee cups? Nearly half of these fauxtos look like Folgers ads, circa 1987. Even Donkey and Noodles and their coffee mugs put in an appearance.

        • That was odd! Everyone in the literally hundreds of other fauxtos is in focus but not our burro. Maybe Yalom was shooting a Keurig infomercial?

          • JFAing to say that some of the compositions were quite good, but the focal point of others was quite wacky. I’d venture a guess that her camera never makes it out of “P” or “Auto” mode.

            my brother worked with a photographer (nz police – forensics) who used to say that only 2% to 5% of the photos you took were noteworthy. for the number of images in that collection, that’s a whole bunch of rejects for the number of shots taken.

      • I drink coffee! I’m smiling! I’m laughing with friends! My hair is coiffed! For the low price of $1499 you too can learn how to hang out with friends, drink coffee (maybe even wine!), smile, laugh and get the perfect blow out!

      • It’s a genre: “drinking a beverage and holding my phone.”

        Does this signal “business woman?”

      • At least these photos are actually interesting unlike Yalom’s homogeneous coffee klatch.

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