Mess Despised: Julia Allison Is Giving Away A Smelly Old Frock From Bravo’s All-Time Lowest Rated Series

Donkey, it would make us so greg darn happy if you could finish your cryptic website – FOLLOW THROUGH ON SOMETHING, FER CHRISSAKE!

BOTTOM PICTURE! Jena la Fraud, indeed. Going dancing again this evening, O Pleasurable Con Artist?

148 COMMENTS

  1. Oh maudlin Julia, the life that never really was…#sadsack
    Seriously, donate or consign (cash? what’s that?) Everything is done for show.

    • Exactamente! Especially since this is the time of year where style mags, websites, etc. are encouraging people to donate their fancy dresses to teens who can’t afford prom gowns. That dress might actually be cute on a 16-year-old who fit into it correctly.

      • This. And she could virtue signal on FB that she did this, too. Missed opportunity, Donkey!

      • Also, all dresses have the size on a tag sewn into them. So she must have cut out the size tag so she could imagine herself in a smaller dress.

        • I think it was me of those custom made dresses from that woman in NYC. Can’t remember her name, but donkey plugged her. She had more than one made.

    • The size of the dress clearly has no relationship to the size of her body in the photos. She is squeeeezed in there.

    • Is that some serious vanity sizing? Real question. My 12 yr old skin-and-bones, 5′ 2″, little boned, barely 85 lb. daughter wears a size 0 at a store like American Eagle. The next size up is a 2. Admittedly, I put my ass into the standard middle-aged mom uniform of black, stretchy, yoga pants and over-sized shirts so I’m not really up on how sizing works these days.

      • Look at s side-by-side w/ Donk & Emily … Emily’s surely a zero & one thing we can all agree upon is that in no way is Donk JUST a size or two bigger than Emily …

        I bet Donk was easily pushing 150 during MA taping.

  2. Now she’s braying about Dad$er coming “to visit” for her birthcray — this could explain hr raft-assed attempt to find work in CA so that he doesn’t haul her kicking & braying back to the OMG!DC — her thinly-disguised (size 2-4, I believe!) humble brag re: Bravo is straight up Juliar PR (doesn’t actually have dress w/ her is why she can’t look at tag?).

  3. There is something off about her posts. Some barely concealed bitterness? Even the dad post–she doesn’t sound that excited.

    “New Mammas: What is the best / most useful baby present you received? I need to send out a few of them and I don’t want to send sweet new mothers something they don’t need or want!!!”

    “Best cultural events in SF to take my father when he comes to visit at the end of the month for my birthday?

    I plan to take him to the Symphony, SFMOMA as well as Muir Woods …”

      • Or to Ariel White’s next shoot for amant.

        “Dadsers, could you hold the light meter up to Jena’s breast?”

    • In between her cutesy posts on social media, I imagine her howling with rage and pounding her fists on the bathroom mirror.

    • Wonder if he’s coming to wrangle her home finally. Hahaha who am I kidding?

      • I wonder if Dadsers will be staying with Judy at the group home in Novato, where she plans on introducing the dynamic Petey to the joys of Ayahuasca.

    • SFMOMA is super great and it pains me to think of Judy hauling Pettifogger through the galleries while she brays. Way to ruin a cool museum for everyone else, you stupid Donkey!

      Also, is this the highlight of Birthcray for this year? A visit from Pettifogger? Sic transit gloria mundi, I guess.

      • He’s coming a long way to take pictures of his grown daughter in awkward outfits in even more awkward positions where she unsuccessfully tries to upstage the real beauty. I wonder if he’s plagued with embarrassment, pity or both.

    • again with the crowdsourcing. if she really cared about the new mammas and sending them something not needed or wanted, she’d ask them.

      • Image, she has to show she’s such a *good friend* and to your point a good friend would know or ask the person specifically. Wow, she needs attention…and a job.

      • Many new moms have things called registries where you can find out what’s needed. Though that would involve spending Petey’s money.

        • This. I can imagine her being one of THOSE people who won’t buy things off registries. I’ve found that the people who find buying things off registries impersonal are usually the worst gift givers. I’m all…just buy me a damn diaper genie and theyre all here’s a 3 foot tall swan stuffed animal that someone on the Internet told me to buy! lolwut.

          • I feel badly for all the generous people who offered up great ideas for her never to act on any of them, not even a 3 foot tall swan. And who would trust her with their child (someone mentioned babysitting)?

          • I avoid baby showers like a Donkey avoids actual showers and give handmade baby blankets. Zero fucks given about registries.

          • But Worrisome, that’s because you have something that Donks is lacking (besides a soul) – taste! That is a wonderful gift and more people like you should go off registry. The majority of the off-registry folks have horrible taste that they want to impose on the parents-to-be. Usually without a gift receipt.

    • Wake Dad$er up at the crack of noon, and present him with matching “Daddy and Donkey 2017” t-shirts. Drag him to the Marina to go running. When he mentions that he already ran 3 miles that morning, insist he take a photo of you doing yoga with your face planted in the grass.

      Ask Dad$er what he wants to eat; when he says “a cheeseburger,” don’t take him to Gott’s but to a raw vegan place; come home and binge on the chocolate hidden in your closet.

      Pretend you’re taking Dad$er to see Palo Alto; spend hours at HanaHaus, looking for new marks among the oblivious tech guys who have actual work to do. Staff notice your tiger pajamas and assume you’re one of the homeless lunatics from University Avenue.

      Cross El Camino onto the Stanford campus in search of a green juice to pose with; bray on Facebook that you were visiting the business school and/or neuroscience department. Students report that a crazy old woman in filthy platforms is jumping onto the counter in the student union; get hauled away by security.

  4. She posted the bravo dress pics because she likes the way she looks in them and wants someone to see them so she made up the dress-needs-new-home story. I wonder who her new mark is?

    • It looks like it’s busting at the seams. That tight at the core would make me feel so claustro.

      • Several years ago, I came back from vacation, having drank and ate about 8 pounds worth, and made the mistake of wearing a dress much like Judy’s (but longer) to work. It fit about as tightly as the above dress, and it was one of the most uncomfortable days at work in recent memory.

    • Also, she needs to remind the world that she is the star of a Bravo documentary series.

      I get claustrophobic just looking how tight and poorly fitted that stupid dress is.

  5. OK, i am not a woman, nor do i wear women’s clothing, so here’s a silly question

    how do you not know the dress size?

    should there not simply be a number on the tag?

    • Two numbers, on on the back of the dress and a second along the side.

      • so it sounds like there is no excuse for somebody not knowing what the size is

        i would think that would be the first thing to look for and mention if one were looking for somebody who might want it

      • Unless you buy it from the designer directly. Which she did. Allison Paris. She bragged about getting dresses from her all the time. I think this was a designer sample that she managed to squeeze into just because she is small on top.

    • My guess is that it was a designer’s sample bought directly from the studio, so it’s very possible it had no tags at all.

      • She is not, or at her thinnest, ever been a sample size. That’s not being cruel, that’s just reality. So maybe for her a cruel reality but that’s factual. I did designer trunk shows for years-nope. Samples usually have tags (not always in the back but on the side seam with the ordering information) She is a 6-8 in that Bravo picture (no shame) but her posting 2-4 is shameful. If she were serious, she as someone else mentioned on the thread, put the actual measurements. I used to buy a ton of things from a woman on ebay that bought all the clothing from tv, movies and commercials. They were all altered for individual size and sets. She always put the measurements.

        I think I shared before one of the two Oprah stories I know from back in the day: As it was told to me, her staff had to buy two of everything. One in the size she *thought* she should be and the actual size. They’d put the smaller sized tag in the larger garment to keep peace.

        • Her top and bottom are vastly different sizes. She has a small bust, rib cage and waist and a big lower half. These fit and flare dresses disguise a lot of bottom issues. This is why they were her dress profile of choice for years.

          I think it is possible she fit into a sample size in a fit and flare dress, especially given how tight the top is in this picture.

          • Allison Parris is all custom orders, so the idea that they put whatever size tag the customer would like in their dresses seems reasonable. As does putting no size tags in.

        • I was a 29 A and could barely close Armani, Chanel, etc. runway/trunk show jackets. In that image she was a 34 B (great size) but still not sample size.
          I agree the A-line hides a lot of sins (and why I’m a huge fan myself) but for my money, it’s more likely the tag was just gone of natural causes or previously or recently cut out to fit the 2-4 *narrative* where other images produced by Bray show a 6-8 reality which is consistent with 34 B promo image. I bet she’d fit into that dress today no problem because she wasn’t a 2-4 then or now.
          It’s not body shaming, it’s shaming a professional victim who manipulates facts…

  6. Hey, Donk! Do like Ebay sellers & measure that shite from seam to seam.
    Oh …. um, er, oops?

    From the 1st episode of Miss Advised:

    raftass

    Julia Allison was most assuredly NOT a mere size 2-4.

  7. Donkey crowdsourced Dadsers’ visit over three hours ago and hasn’t received a single comment or like. Not a one.

    HIRE JUDY ALBERTSON FOR YOUR PR NEEDS!

    • The Symphony? I see there are two concerts at the end of the month: John Adams’s Scheherazade 2, which is hilariously remote from the Taylor Swift she prefers and will probably sound like the dance of the wastepaper baskets to her father; and an organ recital of mostly 20th century music that I don’t see them sitting through, either. At SFMoma they can feign interest in Diane Arbus while looking for the museum restaurant.

      Why doesn’t she just ask him what he’d like to do, instead of pretending to be a culture concierge?

      • I’m recommending a surprise visit to The Armory, where Mistress Jacqueline can teach Petey bondage tricks that he’ll run home to try out on Raoul.

    • I live in the city and have a full calendar of cultural events going, there are so many great things happening in Feb but i won’t share them here because Donkey fucktard still reads here and doesn’t deserve shit.

      HEY DONK HOW’S BEING 36 AND A FUCKING FAILURE TREATING YOU? WE ARE THE SAME AGE AND YOU ARE LIGHT YEARS AWAY FROM RESEMBLING A GROWN ASS ADULT.

      • This is just so Donkey. She lived in the city for how many years and did next to nothing culturally while there. She went to the ballet with Noodles once, big whoop, and it was probably Noodles’ idea. I haven’t lived there in 25 years so my suggestions would be moot. It’s just too bad Finnochio’s closed down.

        Why isn’t Donkey calling up some of her BFFs who live in town instead of Yoo-hooing on FB? Noodles, Allis, Derpin, Ben Way? I’m sure there are many more.

  8. Ooh! What say Dad$er’s CA trip sans Mom$er has nothing to do w/ Burra’s birthcray & everything to do w business, ie: Donkey’s Day in Court? Was the AirBNB dispute already resolved, or could this finally be IT?

    • Ohhh interesting thought. And if ILYR ghosted her on rent, could a donkey do the same thing again?

        • Fact-based evidence over time is a good indication of the future: Shorter, never learns.

          • example: Julie bolted / ghosted her FIRST engagement and hasn’t settled down since…..never will.

            That BS self wedding doesn’t count.

  9. I’d recommend the ballet but then I might have to deal with seeing her there. Isn’t there some burning man event she could drag him to? Or a tech “meetup”? She’s an angel investor you know!

  10. OT: Jena revives her bullshit fake injury claims:

    Jena la Flamme
    7 hrs ·
    Yes, those are electrodes attached to my head. I’m getting nerve tests, following the car accident I had almost a year ago that is still troubling me with intense pain.
    I’ve avoided surgery, and am focused on healing this without going under the knife. Your well wishes and healing wisdom is welcome.

    • So much pain that she’s had to go out dancing every night since the fender bender! Maybe she can shake down the insurance company for a green card.

      #pleasurableconjob
      #somethingshadyishappening

      • So much pain, she’s willing to interrupt the technician / delay the results in order to [1] take a selfie, & [2] post said selfie to FB along w/ a sympathy plea.

        Jena La FlimFlam, putting the bald in bald-faced liar

        #somethingisfakingup

      • Does the insurance company have a home they could give her for a #pleasurablehoneymoon? Perhaps a set of bowls from Pottery Barn?

    • I’m pretty greg-damned sure that she’d have had a ncv test BEFORE being ruled in or out as a surgery candidate, seeing as how it’s diagnostic — if she did already turn down surgery, who’s ordering this NOW? More likely, her Rx’g doc is tired of maintaining her on meds & it’s shit or get off the pot time.

      • Agree, her procedural order is off but so is she.

    • This infriates me to no end

      Fake or exaggerated injuries cost everyone billions of dollars each year in higher insurance premiums, taxes etc. Each year

    • #pleasurablenoncompensableinjury
      I do PI work and she would be one giant red flag and we would deny and refer her to the bar association, with softness.

      • I used to work in a specialty where we had many wc inj patients –investigations, when we’d hear of ’em, were entertainment value like none other.

      • Her goose is cooked. Even if she pulls down all of her social media photos and videos an investigator will find them here. Is there usually jail time or just fines?

        • IDK, we send a stern letter to all clients after we sign them up telling to straight up delete all social media for the duration of their claim. When I have a little downtime, I make sure I can’t find anything incriminating with my creepy internet person/paralegal skills. La Phlegm likely is not represented because her social media alone would be a legitimate basis to deny liability because she’s clearly not actually injured and any good PI attorney would drop her because she did not seek treatment directly after the little bb fender bender and has huge gaps in treatment.

          • This. I was a plaintiff in a PI suit and was lectured multiple times by my lawyers about not posting anything to social media (I work in that space so I had to be very curated in what I posted – NEVER any images of me doing anything remotely active + nothing ever about the accident). Not that I needed to be – if you’re claiming an injury bad enough to warrant compensation, posting pictures of you being active can be very damning – it’s not rocket science. Insurance fraud aside, pictures of activity = your claim is BS.

        • Facebook Familia, my boyfriend is so gorgeous that I’m worried I don’t stack up. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

          • My gift to you is this new song about my boyfriend. I selflessly offer this to The Universe, in service to all humankind.

            Platinum-level donors to my Patreon account ($7,999.99 and up) will receive the ability to hear this song WITH BONUS UKULELE.

          • If I was able to share what I’m *working on* it would shame these people to a whole new level. Predator instructing people to take out second loans on home or borrow money to pay five figure *fee* for similar programs. The depths in which these creatures will sink to avoid negative truthful information being exposed is unreal, oh and illegal.

    • There’s a PI named Steven Ramban, who does a privacy lecture at the HOPE hacker conference. Social media like FB and Twitter are a goldmine for people like him. Google his name to watch his presentations.

  11. You can question her lack of follow-through, integrity, work ethic, morals, or anything else you want.. but it’s always the weight/image thing that sets her off. 😀

    • was this in reference to something that I saw earlier that I don’t anymore?

  12. RIDDLE ME THIS: What’s a size-24 anti-education SJW supposed to do w/ her pent-up rage in light of the DeVos appointment? #VirtueSignalingIsHARD #YooHooingIsHarder

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