Highlights For Children: Fifth-Grader Hopping Mad At First Daughter!

Dear Mrs. Baugher:

The editors at Highlights regret to inform you that we cannot publish your daughter’s essay on Ivanka Trump for our “First Children” writing contest. Profanity has no place in a children’s magazine, and we hope your daughter receives professional help regarding her anger and resentment issues.

Mrs. Gilly Blake
Editor in Chief

Dear Mrs. Baugher:

It has come to our attention that Julia flagrantly disregarded Miss Monroe’s instructions re: the last writing assignment in Language Arts. Students were asked to compose a five-paragraph essay explaining the difference between compassion and empathy by employing an example or examples from their own lives. Miss Monroe strictly forbade students from asking for outside help. Once again, in defiance of the rules, Julia chose to ask her Facebook friends for help. She will receive a zero for the assignment.

We hope that you and your husband will look into Julia’s Facebook account, as many of her friends appear to be much, much older and few of them hold actual jobs.

Best regards,
William “Willy” Avocado
Principal, Wilmette Intermediate


  1. Well, that Mitch Muroff sure is a prize. It’s rare that someone can out-stupid a Donkey in one of her flights of stupidity.

    Is Judy trying to play that because she met Ivanka once that there is some point in addressing these incoherent FB rants to her?

    Also, why is Judy in Palo Alto anyway, crowdsourcing her Language Arts theme (brilliant riff, Gilly)?

    • I was convinced Elijah Ray was the dumbest woo until I read Muroff’s comment. He’s strumming on a uke in his FB fauxto. When did that become the woo musical instrument of choice?

      Re: Language Arts, Judy’s comments and writing style seem more apropos for a fifth- or sixth-grader, not a profethunal journalith who published a NYT puff piece that took months to write. SAD!

    • Palo Alto suggests she is perhaps looking for a new *tech* mark from a coffee shop. Did she or Debbie get custody of the fake glasses? Guess, I could see it now, sitting there typing madly trying to engage a *cute* boy while she wears her thmart glasses. (No Judy, no one is stalking you, you’re just really predictable and thuper boring.

      Cue fake riveting conversation to make ILYR jealous in 5…4…3….

      • LOL thinking of Judy at HanaHaus– she must have been there to grab a muffin and use the wifi, since she has no need for the co-working space. (Just how would one do pretend work in public?)

        She was probably stalking someone, or checking out the mural by Android Jones. *eyeroll*

    • I don’t get why the Trumpitos would act all pearl-clutchety about the Muslim ban.

      It was a VERY EXPLICIT campaign promise, that was repeated many times.

      If you are a Trumpito, you VOTED for that, oh, I see, now that there is a widespread backlash (I don’t think Dick Cheney and Pope Francis agree on a lot of issues) they are trying to backtrack, like the cowardly scumbags they are.

      • During last week’s Mass, the intercessional prayer was that this administration learn to lead in a positive way for the world. It gave me a little hope, most of which has been drained with these EOs signed this week.

        I’m scared for our future.

  2. Meh – we all hit a breaking point with the craziness of what’s going on in this country, -and when we do, it doesn’t always come out so coherently. Personally, I don’t care if she wants to rant and rave against Ivanka – aren’t we all ranting and raving at the moment?

    • She missed the tone deaf picture Ivanka posted with her husband’s hand on her ass, you know, while her father created a nuclear meltdown earlier in the day.

    • You are a much kinder soul than me, because I can’t bring myself to believe that Judy gives the smallest shit about what’s happening to anyone other than herself (except if it makes her seethe with envy). IMO, this is the new “plight of military wives than I plan to dedicate myself in the future.”

      The way I see it, it’s also

      1) the millionth attempt to catch the attention of a rich chick in the spotlight (cf. Randi, Mega, Taylor Swift, Kate Middleton, Tavi, Lena Dunham, I’m sure there have been others),

      2) the thousandth attempt to appear enlightened. Which, debate team FAIL.

  3. Donkey loves to shriek about how enlightened and totes non-materialistic she is now, but I think occasionally it really chaps her flanks to realize that she was never anywhere near real power. Nick Denton was a gadfly. Meghan McCain is a talk radio host. Everyone else in NY denies her brief existence. She knows if she ever had been what she told herself she was, she wouldn’t be limited to FB whines to make her views known.

  4. I remember Donkey’s description/brag (I think from her blog that preceded the sideways-scrolling blog) of spilling a drink on Ivanka, who then seemed “completely disinterested” in meeting A Donkey, and I thought at the time it was odd that a Professional Journalist would not know the difference between disinterested and uninterested. That was of course early days in my PhDonk studies, before subsequent deeper examination revealed Donkey’s constant and consistent usage FAILS All. The. Time.

    • This sheds a new (for me) and very interesting light on the Donkey’s brayge. Thank you, Dr. Miles.

      When are your office hours?

  5. Julia Allison Baugher is a complete fucking imbecile. She needs to pipe down and immediately refrain from posting on the Internet.

    • This comment is evergreen. It would fit right in under anything ever written by or about Our Donkey. Well done, RS.

  6. Soooooo obsessed with ivanka!

    are they the same age, or went to same school, or used to date same guy, or somehow have something in common that is just grinding the ‘that could have been me’ axe?

    • Ivanka also went to Georgetown and years ago blew Donkey off when our idiot burro spilt a drink on her.


      She was the same class as me at Georgetown, but left after sophomore year to go to Wharton.

      ‘Just a few hours earlier at her office in Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue, she had acknowledged that there are distinct advantages to “being young, blond and, if you will, looking a certain way.”

      “I’m 26,” Ms. Trump said, “and I tell myself, ‘Why not have a little fun with that?’ ”

      You know what? Good for her. Good for her for saying “Guess what? I’m gorgeous, intelligent, and have a keen business acumen – and I’m not going to play that down.” I wish more women had the confidence to do that.

      (PS. My boyfriend junior and senior year was good friends with Eric Trump, so we hung out together several times. I remember my ex telling me that Eric had ranked the girls in his class by beauty, and was determined to date the top 5. The golden apple doesn’t fall far from the gilded tree … sigh.)

      ~Mulia Mallison, lying donkey who lies, circa delusional manic phase

        • JFA’ing to say I note a hint of resentment that Ivanka’s daddy was able to (buy her I mean) earn her way into a better school.

          Ivanaka’s safety school WAS Georgetown
          and she was upgraded (in donkey’s eyes). Georgetown was donkey’s upgrade and as far as her mid-west hard-working father’s money could take her.

          I can almost hear that conversation between the donk dad and daughter. “But Trump is sending HIS daughter to Wharton, he must REALLY love her.”
          “But you’ve only been at Georgetown 30 seconds.”

          Handed to and shat upon, money well spent.

      • Greg, so much terrible in that short bray. How does she do it?

        – “being young, blond and, if you will, looking a certain way” – where exactly does that say anything about “intelligent” or “keen business acumen?”

        – “my boyfriend junior and senior years” I KANNOT.

        – nice non-story about your good friend Eric, Judy. I might be missing something here (how could I, with that brilliant writing? am I dumb or what?), but what exactly is interesting or peculiar about the fact that guys (especially college-aged guys) want to date the women they find most attractive?

        – golden apple, gilded tree, what? Needs more lab rat pressing buttons.


      Little good can come from being in the public eye.
      Jared Kushner, in this recent Guardian profile. It pains me greatly to say that I don’t doubt he’s correct. I’ve spoken with Jared on several occasions, and found him to be one of the classiest young gentlemen I’ve ever met. He’s extremely (unsurprisingly) intelligent, with a fantastic sense of humor – I have a ton of respect for him. He and Ivanka are lucky to have one another. Anyone else could never keep up!!

      ~Mulia Mallison, lying donkey who lies

      • These nuggets you’re finding are GOLD, pure gold I tell you.
        “found him to be one the the classiest young men” sooooo condescending.

        No one with class, or who has class, ever uses the word class.

  7. I guess social justice warrior slash sexy “feminist” is Julia’s identity of the moment.

    Her Ivanka diatribe does come off a little more jealous than morally outraged.

    They both are Daddy’s girls, plastic surgery fans, trust funders, but Ivanka seems to have some actual work ethic(if not actual ethics) which is obviously not Julie’s strong suit.

  8. I wonder if she heard about Jordan’s recent post about her brief relationship with Kushner when they were both at Harvard and felt left out.

    • WHICH post?

      [JORDACTED] name-drops Jared Kushner as much or more than Mulia Mallison name-drops Ivanka Trump, proving once again: lazy Donkey is lazy. http://tinyurl.com/hhxguy6

      #pleasurableclickbaiting #somethingiswakingupwayyyytoolateintheday

  9. Um: “with airbrushed photos” – Well if that’s not the pot calling the kettle a bong, I don’t know what is. Holy fucking shit.

      • “Damn right I’m mad – look at the most recent cover of US Weekly – headline: “daughter in chief” with airbrushed photos and a gushing story about how her father listens to her”
        ~Cranky Doodle Donkey, AKA Mulia Mallison

      • She’s mad someone got to do a photoshoot for realz and not just a mid-west daddy sponsored kind.
        Granted Ivanka’s is daddy-sponsored in a round about way, but for a broader audience than just the donkey to fawn over herself.

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