Untangled Vomiting: Michael Ellsberg’s Authentic Thexthy Podcasts


Handbag thought Smelly’s smelly, gross podcasts about his penis deserved their own post – “He needs to be taken apart by this crowd” – as did Malformed Face. Have at it. The second podcast, with the greasy gargoyle and his new lov-ah “Phoebe” (not her real name), is the more stomach churning.


Garrison Cohen interviewed me as a guest on his podcast, about my practice of “Untangled Intimacy”–exploring emotional and/or erotic intimacy with another while both intending to not put emotional hooks in the other person or get emotionally entangled. We got into a great discussion. These are his bullets of what we talked about:
–> What is “Untangled Intimacy”? [3:38]
–> The main difference between traditional “intertwined” relationships and untangled relationships [7:00]
–> The three core commitments within untangled intimacy [8:46]
–> How to set boundaries within untangled intimacy [9:27]
–> How Michael personally creates untangled intimacy [11:46]
–> The difference between untangled intimacy and polyamory [13:38]
–> The one key to creating clean relationships [15:00]
–> How to grow out of emotional childhood [16:53]
–> What Michael is really looking for in intimate relationships [21:07]
–> One action that will completely change your dating life [24:45]
–> An example of a married couple that practices untangled intimacy [28:41]
–> How to completely stop feeling abandoned by your partner [29:47]
–> When someone says, “Is this just a convenient excuse to get laid a lot?” [32:02]
–> If this seems out of reach to you, you’ll need this one key belief [36:19]
–> A key concept from The Last Safe Investment: How your sex life supports your wealth [38:46]
–> Start living your truth, all out [41:32]
–> Michael’s closing remarks on living a sexually untangled lifestyle [43:26]
Join us for the discussion!

smellsberg annie

The next phase of my career begins today! I’m finally creating what I’ve dreamed of creating all along: Welcome to “Untangled Intimacy: An Emotional High-Wire Act”…
Can one man maintain multiple deep, emotionally-intimate yet untangled romantic/sexual relationships, in parallel, while recording large parts of them in real time (with consent) and sharing them for public consumption?
We’ll find out. It’s going to be a wild ride either way.
Please join me now for Episode 1, in which you will meet my new lover “Phoebe” (not her real name), who has consented to much of our relationship being audio recorded and shared.
In this episode, entitled “The One Before the One,” you will hear:
3:26 – Phoebe talks about her fear that her relationships always end disastrously
4:03 – Phoebe and Michael crack-up at the idea of them being monogamous, which they both think would be a terrible idea
7:40 – Phoebe admits that ultimately, she is looking for monogamy (with someone else.) She’s ultimately looking for “The One,” and her relationship with Michael is “just for now.”
9:19 – Michael says he wants to be “The One before the One” for Phoebe – and even her matchmaker to help her find “The One.”
12:36 – Phoebe and Michael discuss the main ground-rule and boundary in their relationship: Phoebe doesn’t want to see Michael kissing or hooking up with other women in front of her.
14:47 – “My philosophy is, you’re much more likely to meet ‘The One’ when you’re getting fucked well already.”
16:03 – “I’m going to be the lock-picker of your heart…”



dancing man


  1. Wanting emotional intimacy without emotional entanglement is like wanting a drug with zero side effects.

    • I want drugs with zero side effects, but I certainly don’t expect them!

      I think some people can manage very warm fuckbuddy relationships that are “close friends who have sex” and polyamory/open relationships work best for those people. But it is certainly not the norm.

    • If his face was coming at me for a sexy-time I’d need all the drugs with plenty of side effects. The most important one being unconsciousness. And Zofran. So much Zofran.

    • PS, having to have a all this planning and talking about finding a fuckbuddy with no emotions – SEEMS SO EXHAUSTING!! He makes sex SO UNSEXY.

      PS, want untangled love? Download Tinder, swipe right, block person after. Done. Gimme your money.

  2. I kinda don’t hate him, simply because I do think he has a brain, and he at least tries to follow through on his crazy woo ideas, as ill-conceived as they are.

    Compare this to Julia Allison Baugher: I’m a journalist! (publishes no journalism); I’m an artist! (makes no art); I’m a columnist! (has no column); I’m a thought leader! (has no thoughts); I’m vegan! (eats fish, and wears leather and feathers).

    • I do loathe Smellsberg, as I loathe anyone who acts out his mental illness in public – see RBD commenter Milo Yiannopoulos – or thinks the world wants to know about his sex life.

    • Indeed. Start the 6-month clock ’til the sobered disavowal of this latest frenzy. Poor Phoebe.

      • He has mania which can be controlled, she does not and can’t be fixed from where I’m sitting.

  3. I find this so boring. It is incredibly mind numbing. Many of you snark, hate, dislike, find real ethical problems, and I agree with most of it. I also enjoy your perspectives. But mostly it just bores the ever loving fuck out of me. It isn’t even poetry. BAD POETRY IS BETTER THAN THIS SELF-ABSORBED NONSENSE. Okay, thank you for listening, Good night.

  4. Utterly boring, idiotic nonsense. And good god, take your meds, Ellsberg. Your mental illness makes you think stupid things are brilliant, which is sad.

    • The ego of this fool! Marking the exact time “What Michael is really looking for in intimate relationships” appears in the first podcast, as though he’s on the cover of Tiger Beat? What Kind of Girl Does Bobby Sherman Really Want?! Do You Have a Chance With Zac Efron?! Win a Date with Robert Pattinson! Get Roughed Up & Treated Like Garbage by Greasy Michael Ellsberg!

  5. Can’t believe I’m listening to this shit.

    This is Michael Ellsberg’s “art project.” This is his boudoir diary (all I can think of is him in a pink satin robe twisting his mustache.)

    He wants to “fuck a woman, fuck her heart, fuck her brain” but if you want him to answer a voicemail in less than 48 hours you’re too needy and he will take his penis away from you.

  6. this is nothing new- certain men always have and always will try to rationalize/justify/legitimize the concept of being able to date multiple women at one time and get away with it

    heck, even squeaky-clean Peter Brady tried to do it for one date!

  7. Doesn’t Ellsberg have one testicle?

    If so, I’d assume this hypersexuality he conveys is some weird attempt to make up for that.

    • Also possible sexual child abuse.

  8. Here’s something kind of amusing: a few days after Judy poss about her love of throwing structured, topic-focused dinner parties, noodles posts about throwing a party where she basically bought groceries and everyone helped cook. I can see how this would work. Especially if your friends are comfortable in the kitchen.

        • She’s posting FB shout-outs to everyone, including a post to Noodles that’s been ignored. Over seven hours ago Donkey shared major info from Ryan Allis re Hive and still hasn’t received a single response, not even a like from a fan in the ‘stan. I think she’s angling for a job with Allis and wonder if he’s stupid enough to taint his brand.

          • With the recent update of her profile/cover images following the “Julia’s greatest hits” photo/story dump, I think we might be seeing the beginnings of a rebranding. Woo Julia just hasn’t taken off the way I’m sure she hoped. The next incarnation looks like it might be something like Country Estate Julia — she wears Merrells, she’s sort of new agey but also sort of Christian (but doesn’t make a big deal about it), she volunteers with horses, she’s writing a local food cookbook, her perfect date is a hike through your expansive property followed by curling up together in front of one of your four fireplaces.

            Who knows, but there’s my guess.

          • (And yes, a gig with Allis would do nicely.)

          • Why would he hire her? He went to HBS, so could easily find more competent, less crazy bullshit artists.

          • If anything it’ll be ILYR part two, if he hires her it’ll be to use her, sorry fellas, there’s nothing left to use. I could not find her listed on any part of that sham of a website. I wouldn’t give that guy money to park my car.

  9. The more he talks the more transparently predatory he appears. It’s increasingly apparent that he specifically seeks out women with emotional damage. His texting example is nuts — he imagines a woman who admits that having her texts go answered “really, really, really hurts” and brings out all of her insecurities; how would he respond to that? He’d tell her that he’s not interested in meeting those needs, and she can take or leave it. “I didn’t agree to 24-hour text returns just because I hooked up with somebody!”

    Ellsberg tends to take advantage of young, fucked-up people. His featured hook-ups usually have issues with extreme insecurity, mental illness, or substance abuse. That he thinks he’s reinvented relationships by codifying his particular flavor of using people is just pathetic, but totally worthy of a third-rate PUA podcast.

    • The armchair shrink in me says he’s using these boundaries to mask his own deep-seated fear of failure. What if he gave a woman everything she wanted, and she still walked away from him? His ego is too fragile to handle that crushing blow, so he sets up all these check points for women to “choose” to walk away from him. But the women he pursues are mental cases, so they don’t (or they don’t do it as fast as they should). He really needs help.

  10. By the way, it looks like there’s audio from Master Interview Julia Allison’s commune panel:


    No idea whether there’s any point in listening; I checked out fast. Jaaaahhhs’ intro describes JA as a “word-class journalist, public speaker, media rockstar and mogul”, “an expert at getting storytellers and avatars representing a zeitgeist… living the story of our time onto some of the most well-known media platforms in print, on TV, online”, and “one of the best interviewers I’ve ever seen.” I just can’t.

    • Sounds about right in line with Ryan Allis’ $1,600 “tuition” if “you’re accepted” to a meeting? These people suck.

    • “She’s an expert at getting avatars who are living the stories of our time onto the some of the most well-known media platforms”? When did this happen? Do tell, Jaahhss!

  11. I have had sex with some objectively unattractive men, but his voice and his condescension and his general “rolled in pubes” look have shriveled my lady parts into a dark dry cobwebby place.

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