Updated: Donkey Lands New Beau, Still Seeking Scullery Maid

So … This happened last week.

They make a wonderful couple! The woos agree:

congrats

Presumably Donk is still looking for a web developer, graphic designer, and executive assistant to wash her coobies. Once again, the condescension:

I actually think it takes quite a brilliant, organized mind to be an extraordinary executive assistant – and most truly successful people say they wouldn’t be where they are without their EAs … so then, why is it that EAs are considered “low status”?

I’m hiring one right now, and I just created a lengthy list of potential tasks this human being might be doing – all tasks that I have done myself, so I know how challenging they are to do well, with grace.

In fact, these are all tasks that the traditional “Housewife” would have done, too, but added to that are the need for some seriously intense organizational and tech capabilities …

I know some very wealthy men (yes, usually they are men) who haven’t done these sorts of tasks for themselves in years. Sometimes decades. I wonder if they realize what it takes to juggle the maintenance of household (or two), a car (or two), a dog and a kid (or two), etc etc etc. Insurance and taxes and repairs and grocery shopping and doctors (or vet) appointments and cleaning and cooking and grocery shopping and … Wow.

I can barely handle one household, one car, one dog, no kids!

If you are one of the lucky ones who has support – whether that’s an assistant or a partner who does these sorts of things for you … honor them today by really feeling into where you would be – what you wouldn’t be able to do – were it not for them.

If you’re the one who does this for yourself – honor yourself for those tasks, the tasks that sometimes feel like burdens.

Sometimes we are so obsessed with the visionaries, the figureheads, the leaders and the CEOs – that we forget the team that makes them happen. The team that enables them to do what they do at all.

I hope that we – as a society – can begin to trend away from categorizing these sorts of activities as “menial” labor, things that people do only when they aren’t qualified to do anything else.

Because that’s simply not true: they are the FOUNDATION for our lives, for our creativity, for our relationships, for our health. Without them, we wouldn’t have a functional home to live in, we wouldn’t have food on our table, we wouldn’t go to our doctor’s appointments or wear clean clothing.

So thank you to all the support systems out there … I see you. I honor you. I am grateful. You change lives every day. You matter.

Wow. Just wow. Who’s she trying to impress? As Midwestern Verve Clicquot was wondering, who’s the mark here? Interestingly, Brit Moron’s comment has disappeared. And why is Daniel Schmachtenberger, poly hubby of bondage cam girl Roxanne DePalma, commenting on every greg damn drivel Julia posts?

Bottom Funny! Look who stopped in to say hi to a still angry Fozzie:

fozzie

Update: Judy shills for Spahn Ranch:

spahn ranch

Again, wow. Just wow. Can you imagine being locked up with these four year olds for four days? Apparently some of you can.

jeanb2

Fess up: Which one of you is “Jean Brodie” and why all the cryptic emails with “Tee Hee” in the subject line?

Friday Afternoon Freak Out: Saharima Roenisch, Smelly’s former lovah, has a new FB profile pic!

121 COMMENTS

  1. Who is this Caitlin person we’re supposed to do deep bows too? Brit Morin;s assistant? And why is Donke mad at Brit? Did she Julia Allison get called out for trying to steal Brit Morin’s Husband?

    • Brit has the gall to own a home in Marin, a successful business which she founded, and a baby, thus necessitating an EA! How dare she!

  2. Oh, yes, it’s very HARD to do the laundry with grace.

    I am glad to hear that La Donka had mastered *that* skill.

    Of course, an IS (Indentured Servant) may be the best person in the world, but she will never ever ever be as good as our Donkey at making doctor’s appointments with grace.

  3. I was forced to look up “compersion” and now I need a Silkwood shower.

    • OMG! I always thought the Donkey and Magic lesbian relationship was overblown here because I figured Donkey was too uptight to actually get it on with a woman and was more half-naked posing for ALL THE BOYS, but perhaps I was wrong.

    • Me too! And ick!
      Compersion[edit]

      Compersion (or, synonymously, frubble[56]) is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is regularly used by members of the polyamory community in the context of polyamorous relationships. It is used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship.[57][58]

    • This is my question. Why does she need an assistant? What does she do that needs assisting? How will she pay this person?

      • Excellent question. As recently as four months ago, Donkey told at least three non-woos that she was completely broke.

  4. Her writing continues to become worse. Aside from being riddled with cliches and scoldy pontificating, there are tons of grammatical errors. Split infinitives, subject-verb agreement, using the straight up wrong word…
    When we talk about the possibility of heavy drug use, this is what convinces me. Her cognitive skills are diminishing. Rapidly.

  5. I hate cleaning, I’m not very good at it, and I have fairly severe depression and anxiety that make it really hard for me to do chores and errands, so I pay someone to clean my apartment. But I always tip well knowing that that “feminine” and “menial” work is rarely compensated for properly. The value it gives me personally is so worth it, since it’s a skill I don’t have and it lessens the burden on my very finite store of mental energy.

    Guess Judy doesn’t share that mindset.

    • The person who cleans for me makes considerably more than I do because she is great at her job. She once told me that she wanted a Mercedes but drives an older Ford because people won’t hires wealthy appearing cleaner.

  6. I’ve been rung!

    Still think the mark is Justin Rosenstein. He’s rich, single, successful, socially conscious, educated, and woo-ey.

    • Holy shit, he would kill her after a weekend together. She is pure entropy.

      Imagine showing up at your intentional community with Judy. It would be like 12 Yoko Onos’ worth of explosion.

      He’s also pledged to give away lots of money.

      • Look at some of the gentlemen she’s bragged about dating lately. That unwashed English dude with the puppets—Acton?

      • He also got skewered in the media for giving a dumb speech a few years ago at Disrupt. I’m sure Donkey saw that as an opportunity. She’s made mistakes too!

  7. I’ve been lurking so long I don’t even remember my correct screen handle anymore (so many desk errands) but this…I’m an executive assistant to four Vice Presidents and if one of them ever asked me to do his laundry or grocery shopping I would promptly issue him an engraved invitation to crawl out of his own ass. What she wants, once again, would more accurately be called a *personal* assistant (unpaid). Executive assistants work for executive-level professionals in office settings, not for layabouts in stables.

    • Julia is just dead wrong that EAs are considered “low status.” I know EAs who make six figures. CWAA.

      She wants to hire someone (I assume she is picturing an illegally unpaid intern) to wash her dishes, do her laundry and probably, monitor her Facebook for “inappropriate” comments from Dan. But she wants to call this role Executive Assistant, to make herself look “high status.”

      And! She thinks that condescending monologue will trick her mark into doing cleaning work that should be well compensated, for an hourly rate of little to nothing, for the title of Executive Assistant.

      • I know an Executive Assistant who went on to HBS, which Julie couldn’t even pull off, so.

    • The JIML in my life recently got a new job as an EA. She makes more to start than I do after ten years of teaching, and she has far better insurance.

      She almost certainly makes more than Judy’s monthly stipend from Petey.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      She wants a 1950’s wife.

  8. Gah! Where does her money come from??? New shirts, horseback riding, injectables, pointless travel, not to mention basic living expenses? Does Petey just pay for all of this? My dad is fusty old conservative like Petey, and if something catastrophic happened to me like an injury requiring significant rehab or a long stint of unemployment, I’m sure I’d be welcome back at the old homestead, but that would be the extent of it.

    • Shirt is probably a freebie from camp grounded given the message on it, horse may belong to a friend. But yeah, who knows?

      I still think she’s broke and just living off the kindness of strangers until she can land a mark or bamboozle some new deep pocket into some short term consulting gig where she will again fail spectacularly and never be rehired.

      Prospective employers, beware. Ask why she has no long-term clients and look at the short length of time she has worked for anybody. Get the truth somehow too, because she lies and fudges everything.

      • She had a woo friend (Li’el Morris) with horses. I remember a while ago Donkey strongly hinted to friend that she wanted an invite to the stables.

    • Petey pays, according to intel from sources close to A Donkey. She’s got her parents over a barrel because she has no shame and will just embarrass them more if they don’t fork out.

  9. I wonder if this vegan realizes that horseback riding is considered a big no-no among vegans… AND to put a donkey on a horse… that poor, poor horse!

  10. There is an amusing very lengthy post by Cory Tanner Glazier on Shantis wall about the EPIC FAIL of Medi Meals. It is supposed to “reassure” the “investors” but if I had any money in this shitshow it would def. have the opposite effect on me…….just buy stock in fucking Amy’s all ready!

    • In a way, I am sorry to hear that because vegan meals for sick people is a good idea. Presumably people who are not idiots could make a business like that work.

      • Yeah, I kinda wish CTG had someone in his life who would tell him to associate with better people, because I’ve seen dumber ideas get millions.

      • Sounds like it is still viable though. They lost the doctor who was guiding the nutrition and they changed their sales strategy. This is an ambitious business with a high overhead. It may have been smarter to just implement it locally as an alternative to meals on wheels, and then expand it from there. I can see people were giving them the side-eye for getting a Tesla and moving to Santa Barbara. Probably should have gotten a Prius and stayed in Encinitas.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

        An idea is only half the battle, it’s the execution of the idea and follow through that so many of these “serial entrepreneurs” fail to see is their own failure.

    • I’m thoroughly reassured by “flavor pallets” — can I doughnut $ to your cause?

      • * Delight your Senses
        * Revitalize Your Body
        * Simply Your Life

        Wait, what? Did they mean to say “Simplify”?
        This is their pkg labeling …

  11. Also I realized today Shanti is no longer holding up Donald Teump as an example of how it’s ok to declare
    Bankruptcy multiple times and still be a millionaire. She used to do this constantly. “But that was years ago!”

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      My ex husband used to use that same example. I have no doubt he and shanti will one day meet under the same penal code.

  12. “Foundational folks.” Jesus. I wonder what condescending term she’d come up with to describe the people in some Chinese hellhole who assemble the plastic garbage she uses to play dress-up at Burning Man.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      The people they boss around at burning man who spit in their food.

  13. She rides!! She skis!!! Except, that isn’t a tourist-trade-conditioned nag who can find its way back to the barn in its sleep, & Julia sitting on it in the shade is equivalent to Julia standing in the ski resort pkg lot in ski boots, braying “swoosh! swoosh!” at the camera.

    • I always wonder if they actually get a pass from the Department of Mutant Vehicles to take that out on the playa. Usually they don’t approve anything that is just a shell over a street-viable vehicle. Especially when it is essentially a private party bus, and not a participation friendly hop-on.

      • And furthermore, their indiegogo gives the impression that they need the bus so they can motor around and evangelize to a wider audience. Most of them are selling some bullshit $eminar. Isn’t that commercialism, which is against the BM ethos?

        • Camp Mystic is very nouveau Burning Man in my opinion. Judy wouldn’t have gotten away with the endless feathers back in the day. MOOP!

        • Eh, they can give all the seminars they want, as long as they don’t try to actively charge OUT THERE. Out in the ‘default world,’ sure.

          Albz, don’t even get me started on the MOOP sitch with that bitch.

  14. I about choked when I read this. Julia, honey, executive assistants are highly skilled professionals who are often well compensated and respected, and are higher in status than lazy, talentless, do nothing, un-authors at writing non-books, who are supported by daddy’s credit card as they run around going to fuck festivals and posting on facebook all day. I mean, you actually fancy yourself a fucking “executive”? This is a joke, right? No, what you want is called a “slave,” darling, and that’s been illegal for a while. Sorry.

    • Some executive assistants of Fortune 500 CEOs are senior VPs.

      She means personal assistant/gofer/flunky/taskrabbit but is exaggerating as usual. National spokesmodel, internationally syndicated column, journalist, author, etc.

      • yes exactly — they work for a full career, get generous retirements, etc

        personal assistants are the ones who oil up the kardashians for fauxtoshoots

        • There’s just more variation with PAs. I know a PA who makes just short of $100k and manages her employer’s very fast-paced and complicated life like a business, while coordinating with his EA. She handles serious logistical problems and smooths over social missteps like a boss, which is pretty vital when the same people your company is contracting with are the ones showing up for your dinner parties.

          • that’s like house manager; a friend has one of those — supervises the rest of the house staff

          • I have a friend who does this, too. I think his job title is major-domo. And the rich, rich family he works for are so private that he will never disclose who they are, even to his close friends. He makes very good money and there are glamorous perks like cruising the Aegean on their yacht, but really his life is not his own.

  15. Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

    I’m hiring one right now, and I just created a lengthy list of potential tasks this human being might be doing – all tasks that I have done myself, so I know how challenging they are to do well, with grace.

    How does one suck dick, with grace? And shouldn’t that be, with Grace?

  16. I’m so curious about Miss Jean Brodie.

    What’s happening in that Samahairmina photo? I can’t figure it out.

  17. I think this might be a way for her to say “I’m not broke.” It’s not like she can show off he new car or house or vacation – OK well she does do that – so she advertizes for a job to show that she isn’t totally broke. Guaranteed that no actual hiring will happen.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      I think this was discussed a few threads ago (I’m slow on the uptake) but
      everything is Former
      Former Syndicated Tech & Social Media Columnist at Tribune Company
      Former On-Air Personality at Bravo
      Former Contributing Writer at ELLE Magazine (US)
      Any employer worth anything would ask, “but yes, what have you done…lately?”(channeling Janet Jackson video) And ask for trackable metrics that can’t be donkified. She really is like that high school quarterback that peaked & relives the glory days.

      • Former AirBnB grifter who got evicted.
        Former failed author who had to return her advance.
        Former car wash bra ambassador who faked her job.
        Former online happiness coach for five minutes.
        Former dancer for stoned EDM DJs for five minutes.

        Did I miss anything?

        • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

          Brilliant.
          Whatever happened to her assistant (I think she lasted less than a week) about two, maybe three, years ago? I think it was posted on here once, never to be heard from again?
          Did she not take out the trash…with grace?
          Hand wash the Coobies…with grace?
          Expect payment…with grace?

  18. OT but it made me laugh. I went to exchange my Belgian Shoes today and while I waited there was a couple who didn’t speak a lot of English there trying on shoes. The salesperson kept explaining over and over about the soles, and the care of the soles…

    The wife was trying on every variety of brown with black trim that they had in her size, but then she spotted this very pretty cream with tan pair and asked to try them on. Unfortunately, they were the travelette style, with hard soles. The whole store went completely silent while her salesperson asked if she wanted “those soles”. Once they determined that she just wanted to try on cream shoes, there was palpable relief.

    There truly is only one style.

    • Hee hee. I love Belgian Shoes on other people but they aren’t at all comfortable for me, so my enjoyment is always vicarious.

  19. Me. Horsie. Me on horsie. See me on horsie. Take picture of me on horsie. Horsie is moving. WHY IS HORSIE MOVING? WHAT IS HORSIE’S PROBLEM? Go back to the shade, horsie. Back, go back now! DId you get a cute photo? Good, good, I see. NOW GET ME OFF HORSIE.

    • WHERE IS DOGGIE?

      RE: fucktard Julia Allison needing an Executive ASSistant to wipe her raft ass, Greg bless LillyDog, who has probably been dumped on Mom$er.

      Prove me wrong, ditch pig hose beast who never reads here.

  20. “I wonder if they realize what it takes to juggle the maintenance of household (or two), a car (or two), a dog and a kid (or two), etc etc etc. Insurance and taxes and repairs and grocery shopping and doctors (or vet) appointments and cleaning and cooking and grocery shopping and … Wow.”

    FFS – my husband and I have one house(hold), three kids, two cars (and we both have real 9-5 jobs Judy!) and we manage just fine! The only thing we “outsource” is we have a cleaner come once a fortnight, and maybe a cheeky takeaway every now and then.

    If you have your shit together (or are lucky enough to not have a chronic illness that makes everyday stuff really bloody hard to manage), most people manage just fine.

    That said I’m not prancing through life from one vacation to the next, wasting a good education and family connections, generally being an oxygen thief…

  21. I don’t know if it’s been discussed here yet, but I’m just catching up on the Jane Mayer piece in The New Yorker about Trump’s ghostwriter. He speaks of characteristics that sound very much like a Donkey.

    For instance:
    “Schwartz kept a journal in which he expressed his amazement at Trump’s personality, writing that Trump seemed driven entirely by a need for public attention. “All he is is ‘stomp, stomp, stomp’—recognition from outside, bigger, more, a whole series of things that go nowhere in particular,” he observed, on October 21, 1986. ”

    “When challenged about the facts, Schwartz says, Trump would often double down, repeat himself, and grow belligerent.” and “Whenever “the thin veneer of Trump’s vanity is challenged,” Schwartz says, he overreacts.”

    And, finally, this bit about Trumps father, which sounds eerily like Pettifogger’s relationship to his donkey duaghter:
    “Trump’s father had to co-sign the many contracts that the deal required. He also lent Trump seven and a half million dollars to get started as a casino owner in Atlantic City; at one point, when Trump couldn’t meet payments on other loans, his father tried to tide him over by sending a lawyer to buy some three million dollars’ worth of gambling chips.”

    http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/07/25/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-tells-all

    (Oh yes, Donkey, I went there, comparing you to Donald Trump. At least your damage is on a much smaller scale.)

    • Similarities between these two pathologically-lying narcissistic sociopaths hasn’t gone unnoticed, in my experience. With every Trump revelation, there has been an ‘ah-ha!’ moment. Coincidentally, the one I’m sniggering at this a.m. is how he’s already paving the way to dodge debates this fall — just like Donk, he is not going to come through & do what’s expected of him.

      I’ve decided that Trump supporters have no up-close-&-personal experience w/ pathologically-lying narcissistic sociopaths, which explains why they don’t see him for the dangerous fraud that he is.

      • I am fucking living for those debates, so he better not shit out on me.

        I am down for chatroom drinking debates, btw. I can’t do the debates without a drinking game in play; I would kick a hole in the TV.

        • I’d already decided to invite my bro to town for a long visit / watch party during the debates, not that I wouldn’t want him to come any time / any reason, so I’ll be disappointed on a major level too. My bro & politics, hoowhee.

    • Wait, are these actual Coobies at an actual carwash? All this time I thought “carwash bras” was a figure of speech or a metaphor or a fanciful (tm Gilly) turn of phrase. I don’t understand: why would a carwash sell bras?

      • LOL, yes. The carwash has a gift shop attached to it, and it was there that I spotted the Coobie display. And now the carwash is also selling travel guides.

        Carwashes with gift shops [shoppes] attached must be a California thing.

        I was mistaken about something: the Coobie DOES have a slit where the padding can be removed. Hence the Donk with Boobies/Donk with No Boobies phenomenon.

  22. Did Julia upgrade her follower package from the click farm? Noticing a recent influx of bland commentary.

  23. Helloooo, Bruno!

    Bruno Maddox: Julia, seriously, is this a real post? Who on earth goes around saying, or even thinking, that executive assistants have “low status”? Who is that a quote from? I mean it’s obviously true, in a technical, relative sense. Every executive assistant is outranked by the person they work for, just as I’m outranked by the people who pay me to write things, as I in turn outrank the barista I pay to make my coffee, who in turn outranks his manicurist, etc.. For some reason though I just don’t ever find myself, here in America, whispering to my barista through the steam, “You know, I don’t agree with all those people who say you’re ‘low status.’ Me personally? I think you’re an actual human being. I see you, and I honor you.” Why not? Well, for starters I don’t think he wants me to see him, or to honor him, or to remind him that he’s a human being. I think he wants me to pay him, which is a lot less condescending and degrading than being told that he’s the immovable, half-buried cement “foundation” atop which my more glamorous life soars up into a sparkling sky that he will never see and can barely imagine. Moreover, it may not have even occurred to him that society considers him “low status.” Like an idiot he may have been confused by the nation’s founding documents into thinking that in every sense that matters he’s actually my equal, and so, rather than cheering him up, my telling him that everyone (not me! but everyone else!) thinks he’s “low status” runs the risk of making him feel bad. But mainly it’s that I just wouldn’t want to sound like a fucking Jane Krakowski character. If you can’t hire someone to perform a service without pausing every now and again to cock your head to the side and reflect on how they are, counter-intuitively, an actual human being, then rushing to social media to share your big-hearted epiphany with the world and LIKING YOUR OWN POST, I’m not sure it’s your employee’s lack of human worth that you really need to be worried about.
    Like · Reply · 1 hr

      • It’s always amazing and still a bit thrilling when someone on the inside calls her on the rug for her ridiculousness… I can only hope it becomes a more frequent occurrence.

        • She thought she’d stemmed blowback w/ the stifling of Dan, & now this guy … WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

          Someone oughta name their next boy cat Bruno Maddox. (IRL cat, I mean; not their boy child)

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