Updated: Now Hiring, 3 Positions! An Inquiring Donkey Wants To Know …

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Trust, this dumbass never heard of the British comic strip heroine, nor of her cinematic incarnation in the form of Monica Vitti. Now, who is this Adryenn Ashley character and why is she responding to a donkey?

Bottom Challenge! Fill in the blank. The best answer wins a bag of Cheetos. “A day without Jena la Flamme engaging in cultural appropriation is like a day without ________ .”

Update: Who’d like to be Judy Alberston’s slave in booteeful San Francisco? No cash compensation but plenty of aya, hugs, and cannabis candies!

Christ, the condescension is off the charts. A 73-point checklist for the poor bastard who signs on? Excuse me while I …

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There’s more? Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan demands only the best!

123 COMMENTS

  1. Never a word about the ongoing political crisis in Ukraine, just OMG PRETTY HATS!!!!!!!

  2. Jenna just wants to put ALL THE THINGS on her head so intensely. She’s like a magpie. It’s weird.

    • Seriously, doesn’t she know that something that heavy on a head full of air will yank her hair out? Can she sue the hat maker?

  3. I don’t know what is funnier, the fact that Donkey keeps trotting out her ridiculously embarrassing color-coded self-help book collection on Facebook every few months to try to impress people that she’s somehow learned all these important lessons, or that she actually hauls a metric ton of these lame books everywhere she goes. When is the last time, if ever, she’s read most of these? Why keep moving and displaying “Tripping the Prom Queen” when she is all about sisterhood these days? Is it that the cover is just the right shade of blue? Has she even cracked the spine of Altruism? Doubt it! Why shove The Feminine Mystique down our throats yet again to prove how omg feminist she claims to be?

    Scheme juices are flowing again. You can just feel it.

    • Self Help books = “Look at all my medication. They are my friends and get me through my day.” (sits in corner, drools & rocks)

    • Poor Betty! Languishing next to thexthy self-help slop like The Erotic Mind and Spectrum of Ecstasy.

    • Can we address the fact that she also schlepps around a framed wedding portrait of her parents?? Who. does. that? (at 35 years old)

      • I’m inclined to overlook this one. I know a lot of people who do this, except, come to think of it, for all of them at least one parent is deceased.

    • The best part of this is that the SCOLD is to appreciate the little people that helped you who you are (like her parents). She’s so ungrateful and deluded. Weird no one ever works with her twice. And what kind of “tech” maven needs to crowdsource for a web developer in Silicon Valley?

  4. A day without Jena la Flamme engaging in cultural appropriation is like a day with no one in the field, canneries & meatpacking plants; the hunt for groceries having escalated.

    Oh wait, that last part is like A Day Without a Mexican — bad analogy; only the latter scenario has consequences indicative of real value to others in the real world.

  5. Such a weird thing, to have her parents’ wedding photo displayed. I have photos of me with my parents in various stages of my life displayed, and I do have my parents’ wedding album (when my grandma passed, it came to me), but I can’t understand displaying their wedding photo. My parents will reach 40 years married next week, and I have all sorts of proud and happy feelings around them and their marriage. But that’s THEIR marriage, not mine. That was THEIR wedding, not mine. It’s so weird to me. And I cringe to think of some guy coming into my apartment and asking “Uh, who’s in the wedding picture?” and me answering “My parents! They’ve been married for 40 years, isn’t that amazing? Are your parents still married?”

  6. One of my pet peeves is when there is a never-been-lighted candle included as an element in a decorative display. Donkey’s vignette-styling skills are rudimentary at best, despite her impressive art-director credentials.

    • You’re my people. The first thing I do when I put a new candle out is to light it, even if it’s just for a minute, so the wick is actually burned.

  7. GENERATION ME, right there on the shelf. We don’t even need to write the jokes!

  8. So it seems like she is settled in to another place? Not just couch surfing? Where the hell is she living and why is she trying to hide it? If she was proud of where she lives she would be braying far and wide. (Heh. I said wide.)

    • Apparently to do her laundry, cook her meals, take out the trash, etc., if what I’m reading is any indication. Can you imagine having to scrub out Donkey’s coobies?! I wouldn’t wish that on Vladimir Putin.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

        (with grace)

    • That ass isn’t going to wipe itself!

      Apparently, someone has an expectation of her?
      She can’t adult on her own AND run a desk errand.

    • WHAT is she talking about? No, really, has she gone completely mental? WHY would someone with no job and no responsibilities need to have an “executive assistant”? Truly, she has the life skills of a toddler.

      I have a full-time job and 2 volunteer gigs and pets and a car and an Aged Relative who keeps me worried about 80% of the time. I pay someone to clean my house, but other than that:

      Car maintenance: smog check every 2 years; drive-through oil change every couple of months

      Vet: once a year for shots, unless someone gets sick

      My hair, clothes, eye pelts, pedicures, medical stuff: stop for an appointment after work or on lunch break or on weekends

      Carpet cleaning, clogged drain, A/C on the fritz: take a day off work and stay home, or leave key, or whatever

      I LITERALLY cannot see how these tasks could be so overwhelming for someone who doesn’t work, doesn’t volunteer, doesn’t have kids, doesn’t have any hobbies or interests, doesn’t have more than 5 sticks of furniture and a few rows of books to her name. She doesn’t even need to leave the house if she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t even need to roll out of bed.

      I guess she’s so empty and dysfunctional that she creates pointless busywork (“Must get hair and makeup done professionally for fauxtos for my Facebook page!”) to fill her time and to make herself feel important. It’s sad, really.

      Nisha, if Donk does indeed work, please come here and tell us. And by “work,” I don’t mean “show up at a friend’s party.” That silly “master interviewer” gig is the type of thing that the rest of us fit into our spare time. She can’t pretend she’s writing a book anymore.

      • What she is describing is not an executive assistant. An EA assists an EXECUTIVE, someone who is running a business or an organization, making decisions, handling multiple competing priorities and contending with scheduling challenges.

        Donkey, you are hiring a personal assistant. Do not conflate the two. If you think that by labeling your lackey an EA it will automatically position you as one of the “truly successful,” please think again.

        • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

          I feel like someone used AE in a sentence and she learned something new and wanted to use it in a lot of sentences without really understanding the context.

      • I believe the ability to keep up with housework – barring health issues or personal catastrophes – is a sign of maturity. If you’re routinely shirking chores to go to, say, Burning Man social events, then you don’t have your priorities in order.

        Find it difficult to take care of a dog? Then you shouldn’t have a dog.

        Housework is overwhelming? Don’t live in a giant apartment in the Marina (this is taken care of).

        Don’t like having a car? Adapt your lifestyle so you don’t need one (move to a place with public transit, or bike).

        Or you could strive to earn enough money to pay for a dog walker, cleaning lady, etc. Usually this requires getting a job.

        It’s called managing your priorities and expectations, and the ability to do so is a requirement for adulthood.

      • As a career EA to the sort of people who have 4+ homes and staff and planes and multi-million dollar art collections and their names on landmarked buildings, among other things that this stupid bint has no idea about, I say FUCK YOU JUDY ALBERTSON.

        How *dare* you condescend like that? Menial labor? Not qualified for anything else? How about you – as a jobless waste of skin – shut the fuck up about yet another thing that you know nothing about? I see you. I do not honor you. I wish bad things for you. FUCK YOU.

        • When I read this, I actually said out loud- to myself, at 1:30am, “Asshole! I’ve never hated you more.”

        • Well said. “I hope we as a society (that in itself warrants a fuck you) can begin to trend away from categorizing….” Donk, all non-idiots are aware that the kind of work EAs do requires skills and qualifications. Nobody needs YOUR confirmation that the lives of executive assistants and personal assistants and housewives and cleaners (those things are not the same thing, BTW and FIY) “matter.”

    • I have a friend who is thinking about getting a service dog. She already has a dog, but honestly that dog needs a service dog of its own. There would be something kind of cool about going around with your service dog, and your dog, and your dog’s service dog, yes?

      • This scenario is waaay more common than you’d guess, but typically, in my experience, the retired service dog and its companion don’t travel.

  9. The photo of the books can’t be to show her solidarity with other published authors, so it must be to show how well-furnished her mind is, like people who keep an unread copy of Ulysses or the General Theory of Relativity on their bookshelf.

    And she obviously wants an EA–*unpaid* of course–so she can live like the “very wealthy men” she mentioned. No doubt she sees herself as a famous public speaker and interviewer in a few months’ time. Poor donkey, always scheming to start at the top, always falling down.

    • THO THEXTHAY to have a photo of your parents and a stack of self-help books on your Pottery Barn for Toddlers nightstand. Wild, even!

  10. Always loling at the bookish nerd Julia trying to impress people with her sad, SAD self-help books.

    I wonder how much will donkey PAY the assistant she appreciates so much! Tell you what, Donk, EAs are considered “low status” because they receive a relatively low salary. Pay up or shut the fuck up. Donkey.

    • Also, when you “hire” someone (yes, usually they are young women) to do the tasks you’re too busy to do, and you pay them ZERO DOLLARS while referring to picking up your dry cleaning as “an internship,” you are telling these young women that 1) you do not value them, 2) you do not value they work they do, and 3) some work is so “menial” and “low status” that it is literally worth ZERO dollars. AND YET? You feel that sitting on your raft ass is a task worthy of compensation (yes, usually by Peter Baugher’s dollars).

      • +1

        Most PAs/EAs in San Francisco make $55-85k, and if she hasn’t gone far the usual rate’s not going to vary much. Like most people who work and pay their own bills, professional assistants prefer their compensation in the form of DOLLARS, not platitudes.

        JA, if this is one of the 2% of things you’re definitely going to do that you ACTUALLY do: I can’t wait to hear your soon-to-be-ex assistant spill his/her guts to us when it becomes apparent that the “creative, paradigm-shifting” role you selected them for is Laundry Slave.

  11. Can we play who is the mark? As Grifty pointed out, she’s dropped enough hints so far.

    I think she’s moved on from Allis. My guess is she encountered someone at this retreat.

    Here’s my guess:
    – someone who’s a reformed bad boy
    – maybe into redheads
    – maybe somewhat literary, given the bookcase shot and recent, wordier FB posts
    – possibly more corporate, career-driven than the DJs (posting for an assistant; I see she’s now posting for a web designer, graphic designer, etc.)
    – someone into international aid, social entrepreneurship, geopolitics, etc. (posting about Kiva, all the girls who work for visionaries, refugees, Russia, etc.)

    • I’ll just answer my own q. Could it be Justin Rosenstein? She’s liked his last few posts, and he was at that stupid Tribe Unite thing.

      • He founded Asana, and looks like he helped found Agape, an intentional community in SF. YOOOHOOOOO

    • What makes it so confusing for me to figure out her mark, is that she’s such a bad writer and her posts are so jumbled.

      Housewives do important work! (OK, Donk wants to be a housewife.)
      I’m too busy to do the tasks of a housewife! (OK, Donk wants her mark to think she has a job.)
      Mean old society doesn’t value the people who put food on our tables, take us to our medical appointments, and clean our clothes! (OK, Donk is getting a job at a dry cleaner.)
      Mean old society is obsessed with CEOs and successful people! (OK, Donk’s new mark is a dry cleaner.)
      If you didn’t have an executive assistant to help you, you wouldn’t have food on the table or clean clothes to wear! (OK, Donk is going to try to get a job as an executive assistant. Or she’s too busy being a “visionary” to wear clean clothes?)

      As usual, Donk is projecting all over the place. “Society” (read: Julia Allison Baugher) worships CEOs and founders. “Society” (read: Julia Allison Baugher) thinks that house cleaners and secretaries are lowly.

      Julia, would it kill you to do an honest day’s work? Or even to tire yourself out by taking your dog to the vet and doing a load of laundry?

      • All of this. Her inability to make any sense, even when she’s trying to express something really stupid (that is, nearly 100% of the time), is one of the most hilarious things about her.

        Also, you know without whom “we” (who are you talking to, asshole?) wouldn’t have functional homes to live in, food to put on our tables, clean clothes to wear or doctor’s appointments to go to? Without construction workers, plumbers, electricians, agricultural workers, farmers, cooks, retail people, garment and textile workers, people who work in cleaning services, doctors, nurses and other medical staff. But I guess these jobs, unlike the honored-by-Her-Donkey-Highness position of executive assistant, really ARE too menial and “low status” to win her acknowledgment. Or does she really believe that EAs just make homes and food and clean clothes somehow magically appear?

    • She posted something about refugees and RUSSIA? I want to go hide behind my futon.

  12. “. . . honor them by really feeling into where you would be . . . .” Jesus, just stop it with that obnoxious language. Who does this?!? Who takes up with a group of people and begins talking differently? It’s like she got a piece of paper with phrases on it, and said to herself, “Oh, this is how I talk now. Got it.”

    • Is this how she plans on speaking to the domestic help? Because she’s not hiring an executive assistant, she’s hiring a scullery maid.

      • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

        Maybe they’re letting him out so Hinkley can get him. I agree something about this was Chappaquiddickesque.

      • Me too. This was such a big story in NorCal when I was in high school/college. Condit totally did it.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      I am cry-laughing and probably described on that page. There’s always a disconnect between the creative and actual design team who think and execute things very specifically and not always with logic.

  13. A day without Jena la Flamme engaging in cultural appropriation is like a day without uncle archie bunker wearing his footballer jersey from the Washington dc team.

  14. If you’re doing “housewife” tasks for an unemployed 35-year-old who pays you with her daddy’s money, you’re not an executive assistant. You’re a personal assistant/housekeeper, and one who’s going to get tired of waiting for his/her check to come in the mail.

    I bet JA really does believe she’s something akin to an “executive.” Ugh.

  15. Also, Julia told me she could NOT afford to pay someone for strategy, re-branding, website work, etc. – yet here she is with this shit. Every word out of her mouth is a lie lie lie and I can’t anymore. I have lost the ability to even.

    I always have mixed feels about commenting here because x% of the time I end up attacked too, but cat ladies: where else can I vent about this?!

    F U C K T H E S E P E O P L E

      • Yes, please do stay, at least for the Franzia!

        Julie told at least two pre-woo “friends” that she was broke, so I too am wondering how in the hell she’s going to pay for a personal (NOT executive) assistant, a web developer, and a graphic designer. The platitudes won’t pay their rent.

    • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

      Rebranding is what people who don’t have a product or actual service do or to distance from previous unethical and or illegal behavior. Count your blessings you’ve been spared, twice.

      • Disagree! One of my main volunteer gigs was leading rebranding campaigns for small businesses owned by women of color. They had started their businesses with little money or advice, and thus had logos made from WordArt and bad 1990s era web templates. Rebranding helped professionalize their hard work and find new audiences.

        • That is very rare, and amazing work you’re doing. Think rebranding of Uber, or how Ali changes her name/business name every other day. Many companies rebrand to distance from previous unethical and or illegal behavior.

          • Not rare, and done all the time for legit businesses. I worked in the industry for decades.

            Crooked people do change things up, not only from a brand standpoint but also regarding the nature of their business entities, but that doesn’t mean changing things up is a sign of crookedness. That would be a logical fallacy.

          • Winchester House of Faxutoshoots, Mircophones & Ghosted Book Deals While Speaking English Loudly With Grace

            I’ve noticed that social media has spawned a clear divide between branding v marketing. Julia brands because she has nothing to market. She’s had a pathological history of wanting free things for being a brand (confirmed by REDACTED). She’s sadly not alone in this line of thinking. More unethical people “brand” and more ethical people “market”. We could be saying the same thing but with a different understanding of how we view the words brand and market.

      • no that’s not true; it can be after a bad thing happened or it can be a repositioning to make the brand better to reflect the product, or to extend the product. t’s an actual strategic, marketing, and product thing. example: the signage, posters, ads for the original hamilton off broadway production, and the current one — better, more beautiful

        Met Museum recently rebranded; not everyone loves the look, but the institution came out with a new corporate identity

    • Oh no you poor little thing! Or was that an attack? Regardless I’m sure we’re all super sorry for you from the bottom of our mean old hearts. You poor delicate flower.

      You can’t vent to anyone in your real life? Maybe you should start with associating with a better class of people.

        • I always have mixed feels about commenting here because x% of the time I end up attacked too, but cat ladies: where else can I vent about this?!

          • Thanks for your concern Stalker, rest assured I have a whole lot of awesome real life friends who are great to me, regardless of their “class”. They know nothing about the Donkey show. I’d have to explain it to people before they’d understand the venting and that is way too involved. With grace and softness, dear heart. ?

  16. You know, I was about to be like, “I’m kind of proud of Jules for acknowledging that EAs are actually super important and really underappreciated” but then I realized that she’s saying that just as a means of sucking up to someone so that she doesn’t have to pay them. (Because praise pays the bills, right?)

  17. So she’s looking for a personal assistant and a web designer. What’s the new persona, do you think? I truly hope she puts up some bullshit webpage. That will be fun.

  18. I’m sure it’s been said a thousand times on this thread already better than my brain-to-finger combo can handle right now;butt that EA got my hackles up. This is how her ad should read: Basic lazy, jobless woman-child, entitled, and deluded, deserving of an elite executive assistant willing to take payment in used tutus. Bet they’re lining up around the block.

    Here’s the thing Donkey, most people with real friends, who treat them well, and pay them if they happen to employ them, don’t need to crowd source this type of this on Facebook. Why you ask? Because most people can work with the same people more than once, unless of course you’re a hosebeast, then all bets are off.

  19. I often feel like I’m terrible at adulting (I tend to procrastinate and avoid things esp. when depressed), I never had the best handle on it and then I had a kid 2 years ago, so it’s harder now.

    with that said, holy crap Julia. Just sign up for blue apron and squarespace and shut up.

    • a few people at my work have blue apron; cheaper than eating out; more expensive than actually cooking … they are young and single and at least learning

    • You didn’t ask for advice, but this has been a major focus of my professional and personal development over the last five years.
      I’ve been trying to focus on “process,” rather than results. I break my to-do list into smaller tasks, not to be able to cross them off, but rather do that I can cheerlead myself into doing it. For example, if I have to call a consulting engineer, i write a script, rephrase his or her answers, and outline the next steps- again very short and actionable. Then I email it to myself and the engineer and refer to it to write my next list.
      I use this same approach in my personal life- actually it’s tougher with personal chores than with my work. Simple tasks often take me a long time to get a handle on. It’s hard, and while I’ve done much much better with it, there are still times that my anxiety overwhelms me and I let something drag on much longer than it should. I have found that addressing any delay really helps me. I simply apologize and then whoever I am dealing with generally is glad to hear that and move on to working whatever out. The shame of having to hold my own hand is really immense.
      I don’t know if it’s your thing, but I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and it really did help me.

      • I actually discussed this same issue with my therapist last night. For me, when anxiety and depression turn into avoidance and procrastination, I retreat from the world when it would just be easier to go do whatever needs to be done. Yesterday, that was picking up my prescriptions and returning months-overdue library books instead of going immediately home after dropping off my tyke at grandma’s so I could have an hour to myself before therapy. I also told my therapist at RBD and the lessons I’ve learned about myself last night. It felt really weird saying it out loud, but I realized sometime last year that I was someone’s (or many someones’) JIML. I only was able to realize this through some really intense therapy and figuring my own self out. I finally bought a DBT workbook and my therapist supports that effort. It’s just a little complicated since I moved to the Midwest last fall and currently Skype with my dear, life-saving therapist, who is still in San Francisco. My next step is finding a DBT provider in my current city.
        Wow, way to make it all about yourself, dinkle donkle. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you, dear basement, for everything.

          • I think recognizing an opportunity for growth and actually taking steps to correct behavior makes you very un-Donkeylike.

            Way to go! Keep moving forward. ?

        • thank you both for sharing. I need to break up my to do list into more actionable items instead of just “clean house. work out”

          hugs. with grace.

  20. “We” don’t know what we would do without “them.”

    “They” are just so great. Bless their hearts, those sweet little assistants.

    Jesus.

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