Pimpin’ With Skankatron 3000B

Boulder “goddess” Ali Shanti continues to navel gaze away, experiencing crisis after crisis, which she duly posts on Facebook. On & on & on about how she bawled all the way through “Captain Fantastic” because Viggo Mortensen was living the life she wanted – I had planned on seeing the film, but now I’d just feel dirty sitting through it. Posts about how she used to be “relationally quite retarded” but now surrenders to what’s comfortable … until she has another crisis three hours later. Shaddup already!

Of course, Shantitown wouldn’t be Shantitown if she didn’t didn’t have several schemes a brewin’. She’s thinking of restarting “The Whole Truth Show” – was that the shitshow in which she blabbed on & on & on about relationship while crying off her rhinestones? I can’t keep track. She, or rather “Alexis Neely,” just did a video shoot “for our all new Estate Planning training for awesome lawyers. We call it Legal Life Planning.” She’s now training attorneys to get their hands on retirees’ life savings?! Creepy, too, how Ali kept blithering on about her makeup “transformation into Alexis.”

Another new scheme is a website called – wait for it – Hot House Boy! Is the old raunch finally coming to terms with her inner pimp? Should we be looking forward to a new persona, say, Goddess Detroit or Mack Shanti?


On the new site will Ali’s boy toy Rainbow be the cam boy specializing in foot fetishes?


Bottom Picture: Jena la Flamme lands in Peru, for no other purpose than to play cultural tourist. #pleasurableethnicchic #purposefreeexistence


    • Also, that’s not exactly true- I just realized I will be in San Francisco for a couple of days next week- any servicey help from cat ladies re: restaurants, activities would be appreciated. Staying in “Lower Nob Hill”. From Chicago, so, used to public trans, not renting a car. Already on the agenda: Vesuvio, City Lights, Church of St. John Coltrane. Not on the agenda: headstands at the palace of Fine Farts, Gratitude Cafe.

      • Public transportation is wanting compared to Chicago. Luckily, SF is much more condensed anyway, so you are better off sans car anyway (and parking is MUCH more obnoxious).

        Literally any Italian food in North Beach (where Vesuvio is) is delicious. Beat Museum is worth a lark. If it’s nice out, check out the Telegraph Steps (assuming you’re in decent shape, as it’s a climb). I know you were probably joking, but the whole walk along the Marina is actually quite beautiful, and Donkey Doesn’t Live Here Anymore anyway!

        Make sure that where you’re staying is actually “Lower Nob Hill” – sometimes people say that, and it’s actually the Tenderloin. If you are canny, that’s not a big deal (although YMMV), but it’s just good to be prepared to encounter quite a few homeless, drug-addicted, etc. It can be a huge culture shock to those who are unused to gritty urban areas. The Loin actually has some cool cocktail bars and dive bars and galleries. Jasper’s is farking delicious.

        Also – the renovated SFMOMA just reopened this spring.

        If you have time, venture out to Ocean Beach, Sutro Baths, Lands End, etc. So unique and beautiful – you can’t get anything like that in Chicago (from there, so I know).

        Have fun!

        • Thanks Verve and Grifty! I’ve stayed at the hotel before -it’s near the Mark. We did Telegraph Hill the last time we were there- about 4 years ago, but didn’t go in the Coit, so maybe we’ll do that. Sutro Baths is a good idea, too.

      • In Golden Gate Park, the Japanese Tea Garden and the Conservatory of Flowers.

        Insanely delicious Cal-Mexican food: La Taqueria on Mission and 25th.

        You can take the ferry across to Marin, to Sam’s in Tiburon for a beer and a burger on the deck with a spectacular view of the bay.

        Seconding Filbert Steps, if you’re not up for the climb, you can always take a cab to Coit Tower and walk down. Even walking up is do-able, you can take your time and sit and rest enjoy the ineffable beauty of the bay and the trees and gardens and the lovely houses.

        • Thanks, Torturous. Mr. Pussy wants to do something nature-y, so I’ll let him pick among GGP, Sutro or Marin. He’s bummed that his uncle in Oakland is blowing us off.

  1. Alexis Full-of-Shit Martin-Neely really should consult a neurologist about her
    emotional incontinence — could be a brain lesional side effect of all the drugs.

    Can someone fauxto-shoppe a Depends on her head, pls? Her shit’s oozing …

    • I just snort laughed. May she fly close to the flame.

  2. It’s cute how PacSun Rainbow grew out his 17 facial hairs and gelled them into a beard-like shape.

      • He’s the grossest. He’s always wearing what looks like thrift store rejects that weren’t even cool when they were new in the 70s… and are even less cool now that they’ve been marinated in the b.o. of generations of random losers.

  3. The FB fauxto Gilly linked to regarding the transformation into Alexis = poorly fitting jacket with thread hanging from her right arm (left arm from our view).
    Much professional. Very success. So millionaire.

  4. Where’s ROI for what her mother gave her for the reality show…two years ago?

    • Bhahahaha ROI, silly rabbit that was just a generous donation where there was no expectation of repayment let alone profit.

  5. We often ask this of Jules (and we know the answer) but I’m going to ask about Jena: how does she afford to live? At all? Let alone travel around so much? Just how much money did she get from Smellsburg???

    • Seriously. Jena wants to go to Peru. Does she call up Smellsburg and say, “Hey, could you ask your parents for $3,000? Just transfer it to my account”? Does she get an allowance? How does this work?

      • I’m guessing she gets the money from Smellberg’s parents. She’s gone out of her way to suck up to them, especially Mommy Smelly, a former hippie with a boatload of bucks.

    • Makes me think of Gala Darling, another MPDG Australian princess who got a sham marriage in order to manifest her vision of moving to NYC and becoming self-employed through a book, lifestyle blog, coaching service, etc. Once she got citizenship, girl divorced the husband that did EVERYTHING for her. It came out eventually that Gala came from a shit ton of money back in Australia. Super unethical and irresponsible, as her whole spiel was based on selling a lie of “you can start a blog as your full-time gig too!” to women everywhere.

      Jena has always seemed to me, out of all the female woos, like she comes from a HUGE stinking pile of family money.

      • See above. She does nothing, just dilettante dancing and pointless travel. Occasionally she holds some online dieting/empowerment crap, but she slashes prices at the last minute because no one is enrolling. Hell, La Phlegm couldn’t even last two weeks with her comedy/improv class because she was too busy wooing it up. And assholes like this are changing the course of history? Please feel free to explain this to me, Nisha Moodley.

    • Yes, you can tell she is constantly in pain.

      I hope the MEDICALLY NECESSARY surgery comes soon.

      Her suffering is just too much to bear.

      • How is she managing to hold those moth wings up?! Has anyone been willing to suffer more for her art?

    • Is it a metaphor on how he just ate “her other” diseased taco earlier in the day? She’s usually subtle like that.

      • Subtle, they name is Shantitown! Remember the fauxtos she posted of Fozzie and herself right after they’d just banged? This taco stiletto is nearly as nauseating.

  6. She’s emotionally retarded, I’ll give her that. She’s so desperate to the attention of men it’s painful. Thankfully by the graces of God, her daughter appears less desperate and immature.

      • Ronnie’s money isn’t going to spend itself.

  7. OT: Where were you when you heard that Omarosa would
    respond to HRC on foreign policy & what was your reaction?

    Paradigms have shifted. I’m going to sleep better.

    • A) Here, because I’m not following election coverage.

      B) If it weren’t so warm and windy that I’m flirting with dehydration, I might have peed my pants laughing.

      Thank you! Omarosa’s not here to make friends, she’s here to make policy!

      • I ’bout peed myself too, reading twitter responses. Now my maw is gaping at the thought of HRC not knowing until that moment — this could only get better if she peed herself. Crazy-ass election.

        My mood about it really is much better. Less grim now.

    • No doubt there are lots of people asking for money on the street who aren’t honest about their life situation or why they need it.

      But it takes a special kind of person to read someone’s tragic life story scrawled on cardboard and be inspired to publicly speculate that they’re lying for all that sweet pity $$$. They probably OWN that Union Square condo they’re urinating in front of!

      If everywhere you look you see a con, you might be a con artist.

      Ali, FYI: given the choice between walking past a guy who’s asking for my change or getting borderline-abusive emails asking me why I hate you because I haven’t dropped $1000 on your conference calls, take a gander at which one I’d consider exploitative.

    • “I hear you can make $150,000 a year panhandling in NYC.” Sounds like Shanti has found her next grift.

      • Hey, where her fuckbuddy, the inswain swainwreck, take all of his broke-ass hangers-on?

      • panhandling takes work. You have to look people in the eye and ask and hear their shitty responses. It’s different from sending out emails from the comfort of your squat.

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