Updated: Wilmette Police Blotter: Break-In At Lakeside Assisted Living Facility

Update: Lazy Donkey pays tribute to the man who’s paid her bills for the last 35 years:

Happy Father’s day to a truly brilliant, ethical, kind and loving Dad, a wonderful father and now grandfather, an amazing husband of almost four decades, and an active and upstanding member of his community. Proud to be his daughter!

And we’re sure he’s THO PROUD of you, Julie! Who wouldn’t want to be assaulted by an unemployed exuberant embodiment of love in a baby onesie at 5 am?

Down with suburbia, 2016! Surely that huge backyard could be turned into a … TRIBAL COMMUNITY?

102 COMMENTS

  1. She’s missing some of the most important crayons in the box, bless.

  2. “First time I’ve been home since Xmas.”

    The fact that she felt the need to say this speaks volumes. Oh, JuLiar.

    • The real question for me is…Lily been at the Lakeside Assisted Living Facility since Christmas?

      • I think so, otherwise how would a Donkey sneak into her parents house late at night (yeah, as if she was actually quiet. I imagine Momsers and Dad$ers heard her, rolled their eyes and were too tired to deal with her at that time of night, if true) WITH LILLY without them hearing the dog? Even if Lilly doesn’t bark, are you going to tell me that Langdon didn’t notice either one of them, or want to play with Lilly? I know what my fur-baby was like whenever I would take him over to my parents a few times each week to play with his sister…..and they’re cats!

  3. Granted, Dadsers is youthful and fit, but really, no surprise anything for senior citizens, EVER!

    More than likely he smelled that onesie before she entered the room.

    • No surprise anything for me at my only slightly expired age either, thanks. Well, surprise gifts might work, but those surprise birthday parties I always see on American TV? NO THANKS. There are not too many things that would traumatize me more.

      I hate surprise visits too and I’m always surprised to see that not everybody feels the same.

      Anyway, this is such a trgiggering topic for me that I’m digressing. It is VERY cute and adorable for a 35-year-old donkey to “don a tiger onesie.” Amazing, indeed.

      • Oh, I forgot the yelling at people part. THAT’s the cutest bit! Who wouldn’t want such an embodiment of love in their immediate family / tribe?

      • Helena, I’m going to be emailing you soon about BOOK proposal. However, my burner email address is sort of Smellsburg worthy in that it’s off-putting and borderline sexually offense. If I got an email from it, I’d think it was a virus or something worse. Anyway, maybe I’ll create a new email address for RBD correspondence.

        • Haha! Yes, I’ll always respond to anything bordering on sexually offensive, so no worries, Veruca. But unless your name is Desire System and you just sent me an email titled “How to control women’s minds” (through onesies and colors bright, duhhhh) , I have not received your email yet.

          • Yes, I’ve been traveling for two weeks straight and am just now arriving back in LA-LA land. I’ll try to shoot you an email tomorrow. Thanks!

    • This contradicts what’s written in the Ali Shanti “Four Fast Ways to Get Your Inheritance” pamphlet.

  4. LEGALESE? “Home”is the asst’d living center & “The OMG!DC” conveniently won’t be mentioned as to where she relocated her belonging in March?

    C’mon, her lips are moving … she’s lyin’.

  5. This is what spending $70000 a year supporting your 35 year old daughter gets you Petey. Looks like it was money well spent. Not sure how much rehab will set you back though…

    • If my pushing-40 child showed up at my house in a tiger costume for any reason, including Halloween, it would break my heart.

      Also, when did the word “onesie” get co-opted and who is responsible? A “onesie” is a baby’s undershirt that snaps at the crotch. This bothers me. Gah.

      • Especially if said child showed up demanding her $6k allowance check, in some pill – induced mania

      • Bring confronted with your shortcomings as a parent at 5 am on a day designed to celebrate and honor your efforts would sting, for sure.

        Also, you know a donkey was up all night before surprising dadser. No way did she rouse herself at that hour.

      • Nobody could figure out how to translate “kigurumi” into English. There was a while where “onesie” and “one-piece” were vying for top spot, but “onesie” won.

        I call them jerksuits myself.

  6. There are no red-eye flights from San Francisco to Chicago that arrive before 5 a.m. That detail, at least, or her story is not true.

  7. Down with suburbia? How about down with her parents’ gigantic fucking backyard? You could fit more decent sized homes on that lot.

    And way to conserve resources maintaining that yard. How much water and chemical fertilizer gets expended so Julia can have the privilege of taking a picture of her dog running on it right before it takes a dump?

      • [Peter Baugher said] “The structures that are planned are relentlessly mediocre.”

        Much the same to be said for your daughter, Pettifogger.

        • Haha I believe I made that same joke to myself when I read that. He’s definitely an expect on the topic, at least when it comes to his daughter. If we’re to apply their ability to decorate, then no, he is no judge of “relentlessly mediocre” as their home is the poster child for it.

        • But but but it’s a “public bathroom”, Pettifogger! Just do it for Raul. (I think I’ll go chastise myself for this comment)

        • Dear Pettifogger, have you looked at your home decor recently? Talk about relentlessly mediocre.

      • Ah! Thank you, dear. I don’t know why Robin and Granny didn’t get along better; they should have been able to bond over their mutual loathing of the proletariat.

  8. Is there some relevant significance to posting she was in a onsie, other than to make Father’s Day…about her? Nothing says I’ll be on my dad’s payroll forever like an “adult” in an infant’s costume. I’m embarrassed for her father.

    • Her dad went to Princeton. The Princeton mascot is a tiger. She cares more about her father being a Princeton grad than he does.

  9. As a parent I can tell you that this would be my absolute nightmare. Finding my arrested developed kid in a onesie waking me up at the crack of dawn. Nightmare. Not cute.

    • I hope she at least warned Mama Bird, because “sudden appearance of unexpected person in house” is not a delightful surprise for survivors of violent crimes, so much.

    • +1,000,000 and even more. I now have a new worst nightmare for my kids’ futures.

  10. ” an amazing husband for nearly 4 decades…”
    Wtf…. Paging Dr. Freud!!

    Is that creepy? Or am I overreacting to her bad writing?

    I’ve said this for years— she still acts like a college kid returning to her parents.
    You know she expects super special treatment non-stop…Deep fish pizza! Pancake Haus! Probably makes Momsers cleaning lady do her laundry.

  11. What do our other resident armchair psychiatrists have to say about this odd over attachment to Dad vs. intermittent conflict with mom. I find family dynamics fascinating. Don’t know much about the backstory to pin this one down though.

  12. “Sweetie? The baby just told me to piss up a flagpole – and I was so surprised I think I did! Could you check the top of my head?”

  13. More photos of the family up on her FB page. Her face looks…filled. And she’s holding a toddler upside down.

    • That dress … still juvenile but a little ‘older’ now, like she’s shopping in the husky tweens dep’t? Scalloped hem, bow, sparkly front. Fugola

      • But very conservative. It’s a minor detail – but it really illustrates how shallow her various “personalities” are. Say what you will about Skankatron, but she is happy to dress as a smelly feather-loving hippy-ho anywhere.

        Whereas Jules is suddenly not very Burning Man at all.

      • The dress certainly wears her. She has never really been able to pull off these Crayola-bright, white-based shades that she insists on wearing.

        I think she would look nice in a warm goldenrod hue. The basic shape of the dress is fine; she just needs to step away from the unnecessary frills and bows and sashes.

    • Haven’t seen the FB pictures, but I am astounded at her strained and miserable rictus in these OMG lakefront backyard photos. She certainly looks like she’s pushing forty, and HARD. The innocent naif daisy frock only serves to accentuate it, and the comparison of these current pix with the photo of her dancing with the Pettifogger at the OMG Princeton Reunion (not so long ago, right?) is alarming. “Beautiful SF” has not been kind to A Donkey. Also, her mom looks way more relaxed-normal-youthful and appealing in the OMG lakefront backyard photos.
      P.S.: I think Lily is DEAD.

  14. When I invite
    A boy some night
    To dine on my fine finnan haddie tofu pattie
    I just adore
    When he asks for more
    But my heart belongs to bills get paid by Daddy

    • Who takes these pictures?

      Also, there are people on the beach behind them, at their lakeside mansion. How pedestrian.

  15. Robin’s face reads : I will smile but how the fuck is this still going on. Thank God for Britt,; Petey has that clueless, blind-to-reality smile smacked on.

  16. In the last photo online it looks like she’s shaking her nephew down for his milk money.

    • That picture made me guffaw. Nephew is NOT happy. I imagine Allie giving Brit some major side-eye when Auntie Batshit comes home.

  17. she surprise-dinosaured her dad?! bahahhaha. bitch, never change lol. at least your dad can’t dump you. (I don’t think.)

  18. Has anyone commented on this outfit yet? How many “personality” wardrobes does she have? All the hippies/woo wannabes I’ve known in the past have one wardrobe and it’s hippie/woo. As in, it’s just *the clothes you wear* and what strikes me here is that she can’t be her “self” with her family. She’s gone so far as to tell a publishing company that she can’t write a book as her “old self” but she can’t get the nerve to wear her normal woo clothes with her parents?
    I’m trying to imagine I Love You, Rain seeing these images and wondering where she’s been hiding this frou-frou getup the whole time he’s known (“known”) her.

    • wondering where she’s been hiding this frou-frou getup the whole time he’s known (“known”) her.

      ME2! See my recent comment on the newer thread (thought I was posting here).

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