Down Donkey Lane, In Which Our Burro Clomps Past Security, Crashes Private Parties

Julia Allison has been waxing nostalgic about her sordid past, commenting on fauxtos she posted back in 2008. Dusty Documentary Series writes:

For newbies:

The swimsuit shot was taken during Randi’s [Zuckerberg] bachelorette weekend in Vegas. Which Julia crashed. From what I recall, she hadn’t known Randi long. She dragged one of her NonSociety “business partners” with to Vegas and surprised her, dinosaur style.

Julia gave Randi the swimsuit as a gift, describing it as “Bridal White.” She wore an identical white swimsuit herself. Then she and Randi posed by the pool. I cannot imagine how appalled Randi’s friends must have been.

Were they as appalled as the unfortunate celebrities who ended up in Donkey fauxto ops at the (crashed) White House Correspondents Dinner? The smug is off the fucking charts.


Julia snuggles up to warmonger Henry Kissinger. Give her a ring, you old dog! You won’t believe what she’ll do on that second date!


Donkey & Donatella Versace swap horror stories of injectables.


Colin Powell discusses military policy with our favorite burro. “Yes, I’m in 100% agreement with you about … what invasion were we talking about?”


Donkey runs into Alexander Marquardt, who’ll bang her on a friend’s couch and leave in the morning. You’ll always have DC, Julia!


The actual caption in the Washington Post: “Julia Allison with Clinton press secretary Philippe Reines the night of the 2007 White House Correspondent’s Association dinner, which she crashed.”

What I remember best about Donkey crashing the WHCD comes courtesy of two dear friends who were catty-corner from her room at the Hilton. One of those friends turned into Pavlov when watching Our Miss Julie “jog” on the hotel’s track. Julie wasn’t really jogging but was sort of hopping about while craning her neck from right to left to see if anyone was watching her. “Pavlov” stared at Julie and nodded when they made eye contact. Julie beamed and actually jogged for about 45 seconds before the hopping and the head craning began again in earnest. “Pavlov” kept on staring and nodding; Julie kept looking up and jogging for 45 seconds; and on and on and on until my friend became bored and went to go hang with Stephen Colbert and his mother. Suck on that, Donkey!


  1. How did I not know any of this? I remember hearing that she crashed but this is shameful. I have literally ended a friendship over a person who consistently knowingly and willingly bought the same things I owned (even AFTER and I’d asked her to stop), including a swimsuit worn in Vegas to which my other friend responded that she was contemplating drowning her and told her she could not leave the room in the same suit and forced her to change (that’s friendship-ha!).
    If Randi really had friends they would have drowned the donkey in the deep end and never allowed that to happen and certainly would never have allowed photographic evidence to ever exist.

    • Randi seems to have had Donkey’s number early in the game and got a kick out of toying with her, though she obviously enjoyed the sucking up and the non-stop flattery. There’s a telling video in which Donkey, Randi, and a third woman are sitting at a table and Randi is basically mocking Julia to the camera, referring to Donkey using her full name and telling us how much she’ll miss Julia when Julia has flown back to NYC. It’s quite fascinating, especially because Donkey is silent and clearly would do nothing to contradict the OMG! founder’s sister.

      • I need to see that video! Link?

        Honestly, my take on OMG! Randi is that she was a complete & total sap for Donkey, but I sure do believe that Mr. OMG!Randi had Donkey’s expired number from the get-go.

        • This was ages ago. I doubt the video is even available anywhere. Like you, I’d thought Randi was Donk’s stooge, until I saw evidence of the Broadway superstar actually mocking the old burro.

      • A friend of mine attended the camp where Randi was a counselor. Apparently she got fired for stealing items from the campers.

          • Also, said friend is a wealthy born-and-raised Manhattanite who went to fancy prep schools all his life and then attended an OMGIvy. I assume the other campers were of the same background. Definitely a few rungs above Randi on the socioeconomic ladder.

          • Grammarian, my final exam question in my Evidence class during law school was the Winona Ryder stealing from Saks or Neimans or wherever it was. You would have loved it.

          • the news stories are awesome

            we are the hardworking professionals living on what we earn at the fancy private school my kitten attends — not the brave and proud scholarship students, and far poorer than the families with generational wealth.

            a few grades back, collecting japanese erasers was a big fad; supplying my daughter with that was something i could do, so she had an awesome collection — which a very wealthy and very troubled girl got caught lifting from her desk.

            payback, it’s a bitch.

  2. She does this everywhere she goes. She will literally wait until someonw walks by to do something to draw attention to herself. It’s the most pathetic thing about her and I’ve never had such a physical urge to vomit at the sadness and second hand embarrasment.

    • Yeah. It is cringeworthy in the *extreme*. You can see the thought process: “is anyone looking at me? If so, do they look hot, loaded, or well-connected? Yes? I better do a tit thrust, then…”

  3. she actually looks nice when she’s dressed up and made up, there must be some reason why no ‘normal’ men that she encounters ever ask her out on a date

    OT: SK3B seems to be showing a lot of her midriff in photos lately, what is up with that?

  4. Bobby pin mullet (with visible bobby pins) to the WHCD?!
    So, she was too cheap to go to the salon and have something stylish done? Yep, of course she was. I know she wears that style so she can wear the pelts, but dear Greg WHY must she always be such a rube? Oh Donkey.

  5. That photo of her tit-thrusting AM (can’t be bothered to try to spell out his name) tells you everything you need to know about a Donkey. Smug and scheming.

    • And him contorting to keep his pelvis as far from her as possible! The look on his face doesn’t exactly say,”Delighted to see you!” either.

      • Not a fan of either — banging and running because you’re ashamed of the bangee is gross

      • It’s kind of sad that I’m 100% convinced that AM thought of Donkey as a convient bang when he was in town and too lazy to troll for new strange all the while Doneky was equally convinced that once she was done securing fame and fortune for herself in NY he would put a ring on it and they would buy a house around the corner from her parents and pop out waspy babies.

        • The Tim Ferriss’ & Alexander Marquardt’s that banged Donk but didn’t take her out in public must have been propositioned by Mulia “Just Use Me for Rebound Sex” Mallison, same as Phuckphace was.

          Look now — from gifting Devin w/ international trips so he’d play an extended role of BF, to stalking bald carnie dj’s to beg ’em to bang her, let her be their Rebound GF.

          She could sink lower if she writes an inmate & gets him marry her for conjugal visits, I reckon …

          • wasn’t tim ferris with Noodles Medley? good grief that is some spilled tea. These people are sick and Randi is a washed up has been rich forty something who is basking on her brothers fame. Honestly all of these cows and donkey are utterly annoying.

  6. And tomorrow is the Met Gala. Still donkey-impenetrable. Thank Gregess!

    • Have you ever seen the video of Donkey trying to talk to Ann Wintour at Fashion Week? Try to image what she would do if Donkey crashed the Met. It would be a massacare.

  7. Ahhh, the good ol’ days! She really could have turned her schemes into a quite comfortable, if somewhat anonymous, life and married and divorced well by now. But no, always wanting more and more (and anonymity would never do). Now she bangs balding DJ’s who can only be bothered to dress in rank onesies and eat takeout vegan pizza with her. She could have had all the ramalamadingdong jewelry (old school reference for you oldies), trips to europe, country clubs and local charity galas, whether in DC or Chicago, but now she’s just been kicked out of another apartment. Amazing!

    I know some of us dwell in the past, but I so miss social climbing, republican housewife, PROM!, Davos report, trips to Europe Donkey. Dusty woo, body paint, festival, faux lesbian goddess donkey sucks so much from an entertainment standpoint.

    Lasagna, MareMare, Megonaise, yellow teefs, come save us, please?!?!

    • Where is missing Davos Report??

      I can’t believe the trials & tribulations & guffaws we’ve been thru this past decade! It has slowed to a boring crawl, but the whiplash from many of those ridiculous stunts still amazes!

      Sen. Mark Kirk (R! Il). Needs you Julie! (Probs will lose)
      And Aaron Schock could use a beard! (Jail?)

      • It slowed to a crawl, but we did get things like the self marriage and the failed BOOK. They are long, slow burns.

    • I’m bored, too, with the SJW Julia of the past few months, though I do get a chuckle out of folks from Annie Lalala to Cancer-Free Dan correcting her because she clearly knows little about whatever cause(s) she’s championing that day. But we’ve had some grand laughs with Dusty Woo Julia, from the smelly festival dancing to photographs of the old burro in pasties and higher than a kite, from Tiny&Cute exposing Donkey treachery behind the scenes to the AirBNB fiasco. And that cast of supporting characters straight out of a Jim Thompson novel?! One couldn’t make up the likes of Ali Shanti, Michael Ellsberg, Jaaahass Johnson, and Jena la Flamme, all of whom are far more interesting than Mary Rambin or Meghan Asha or any of the dolts who were Non-Society contributors.

      • What does “SJW” mean? Did I miss that day in Donk school?

          • yeah, i don’t like it — usually deployed by rightwing idiots when people post liberal things

        • Left-wing-ish scolds. Donkey is a fantastic example, because she weathervanes between SJW (Outlaw sugar! And circumcision! Meat is murder!) and Moral Majority-style right-wing-ish scold (Natives should just stop drinking! Everyone needs to support Our Troops!) depending on which way the wallet winds are blowing.

          She’s a scold for all seasons. The Vicar of Bray.

      • I’ve enjoyed the Woo episode of the documentary series The Julia Allison Story: Sobbing Through Arabesques.

        And I’m sure I’ll enjoy the next chapter, Jesus Take the Wheel.

      • Nothing has stopped me from following the Donkey tale yet, but I preferred the old supporting cast. They were stupid in a more intriguing way–they fell for Julia’s act, though it seemed like they should have known better, which was “hysterical.” The woos obviously just see her as a mark. Plus the old set dressed better and were more interesting to look at.

        • I like living vicariously through y’all, especially when you post old links!

          • Talking of the past, does anyone remember Charles Forman? Whatever happened to him?

            His relationship with Jules is what led me to this site in the first place.

          • It’s a shame her relationship with Burra didn’t pan out because he seems to be such a “nice person”. Here’s an update on his life from a while ago. I particularly love the part where he states that certain people should just kill themselves because he finds them boring or something


            He seems to have made a lot of money post Donkey dabbling, though.

          • Wow, thanks toot-toot! I had seen that video, but years ago. So spooky that within a couple of seconds you can hear that terrible, terrible donkey laugh. The article I couldn’t get through. I trust you that he is an asshole.

          • WANGS! Donk was wearing wangs — he was well w/in his rights to dump her wig bangs-wearing raft ass. *dead serious emoticon*

    • I’ve found the past couple of years amusing, that might be because of my own hippie adjecent position, but even I can’t deny that those New York days were heady times. You never knew where Donkey would show up or who she would thrust her tits into. She was so sure that she was on the verge of success that it made her completely shameless. She was capible of almost anything. Back then, if someone had told me that she cut Liam McMullan at a party while a Page Six reporter photographed it, I would have had to give it a serious think before discounting it.

    • no more fantastic sons of powerful moms. maybe, at best, second or third sons recently returned from court ordered rehab

    • This should be sung to We Didn’t Start the Fire:

      “social climbing, republican housewife, PROM!, Davos report, trips to Europe, Dusty woo, body paint, festival, faux lesbian goddess”

  8. WIRED cover girl, Bravo star, and keynote speaker at OMG Ivies who has to piss on a balding carnie’s fb wall to let the world know he porks her occasionally. Succeth.

  9. Anyone care to guess how exactly Donkey will spin the dead book? Do you think it will just go the way of the Davos report, never to be mentioned again? Will book remain allegedly in-queue like her fashion reporting for NBC? Or will Julia soon post a long, woo-cliche-drenched, paradigm shift of lies to spin book’s demise as enlightened accomplishment?

    My money is on that last option. She recently (a week or so ago) shared a post by Elizabeth Gilbert called “Not This,” about people who had the courage to leave a situation they knew was not right – jump without a net – when they had a soul-deep NOT THIS feeling. Julia’s book eulogy will likely start with copy/paste portions of Not This and finish with her standard “This, THIS is success.”

    Look forward also to moral indictments of society, print publishing, her parents and her editor. They’re all so closed minded! Julia’s heART cannot be contained nor constricted. Nature. Dancing. Grieving beloved grandmother. It’s like Failure Spin Mad Libs!

    • the simple solution, of not writing the BOOK for which an advance was collected and spent, was not to write it after all, and it was right there all along.

    • Maybe there is a woo publisher willing to take up the book cause. Or a new paradigm publisher that will also mark a new direction for her life!

          • Yes? Having worked for a woo publisher, they do use words. Not always words that make sense, mind you, but words.

        • Or…

          Has she has been kissing the ass of noted social anthropologist Tucker Max again because she wants to do her book through his company, Book In a Box?

          Book in a Box is a ghostwriting service, marketing itself as a paradigm-shifting startup.

          My new theory is that Julia is trying to swing a deal with Tucker, hoping to offer spokes-model services in lieu of payment. Then she will say traditional publishing just didn’t get it so she bravely arabesqued into the new world or whatev. She will legalese her way out of admitting that it was ghostwritten and simply assert that the Tucker’s company published it.

          From the Book in a Box website:

          “I want to write a book, but I don’t have the time. How can I get a professional book published without having to go through the traditional time-sucking process?”

          “…there wasn’t a way. If you wanted to publish a book, you had to write it and publish it yourself, or navigate the complicated publishing industry. Otherwise, your book just stayed in your head.”

          • OMG lol I cannot imagine how little they pay, considering how little ghostwriting pays under normal conditions.

          • That is freaky, my comment was totally spur-of-the-moment made up and I don’t know anything about this guy or his company other than the few bits mentioned on here in the past few months.

          • I imagine that it’s not a person but a computer program that spits out sentences in a semi coherent manner.

  10. Neither Bette nor that song deserves to be associated with La Burra’s unholy romance.

    • It’s so sad that no one, including Rain, had liked or commented on it. And he must have seen it because he posted a picture of a Prince quote after her post.

      • I’m fucking annoyed that he’s been comparing himself to Prince and holy moly, you’re right: no response to Donkey’s kissy face video, nor did anyone else like or respond. When friends post to my FB wall, other friends always like and comment, and I’m not even a dusty DJ.

        • Yes, but clearly, you are fabulous and loved by many, including this basement dweller for-eva! We are never breaking up, Gilly! As for our favorite DJ, I think he’s now seen the crazy and is silently backing away. He’s ghosting her.

        • Has anyone else noticed there is a person he replies rather frequently to and there’s usually an “I love you” thrown in? I started noticing it around October and have wondered how JA would be able to handle it.

          Rain Phutureprimitive “A warning sign
          I missed the good part, then I realised
          I started looking and the bubble burst
          I started looking for excuses
          Come on in
          I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
          I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
          That I started looking for a warning sign

          When the truth is, I miss you
          Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so

          A warning sign
          It came back to haunt me, and I realised
          That you were an island and I passed you by
          And you were an island to discover

          Come on in
          I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
          I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
          That I started looking for a warning sign

          When the truth is, I miss you
          Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so

          And I’m tired, I should not have let you go

          So I crawl back into your open arms
          Yes I crawl back into your open arms
          And I crawl back into your open arms
          Yes I crawl back into your open arms.”

          ~ Coldplay
          Like · Reply · 7 · April 22 at 2:14am
          Stacey Morgenstern
          Rain Phutureprimitive, yes, yes. exactly. love you. thank you for sharing this sentiment this moment. xo
          Like · Reply · 1 · April 23 at 12:25am

          Rain Phutureprimitive See you Saturday night.
          Like · Reply · 1 · April 23 at 7:23am

          Rain Phutureprimitive Stacey Morgenstern love you.
          Like · Reply · 1 · April 23 at 7:38am

          • She’s married, not that this means much to these overly hormonal people.

          • That song sounds as if he is regretting ghosting the Cute & Tiny … maybe Morgana is his friend who is commiserating w/ him, being supportive, etc. …

          • My first thought, too. Coldplay? No wonder he’s willing to stick his peen in a culturally illiterate donkey.

          • He had to post all the lyrics, couldn’t just post a link to the damn song? lol. The beginning instrumental is the best part anyway.

      • Telltale sign they are trying frantically to escape is when she starts pissing regularly on their FB walls. She is also all up on Derwood’s wall lately — another Donkey classic.


          • Hahah did she really think DJPhuckPhace, who ghosted an actual gf, wouldn’t do the same to a fuck toy? We’re getting dangerously close to my favorite part, passive-aggressive digs directed at him, for ignoring the donkey.

  11. the best photo was also from DC, I think CSPAN, where the entire crowd is looking to the right at the speaker but Donk is looking at the camera.

  12. I can’t believe I have been reading about this gal since the days of “[Redacted] and Julia” back in 2007. I really thought she’d be locked into a crumbling dysfunctional passive aggressive marriage to an Ivy Leaguer by now.

    Her nose seems to change shape/dimension in every photo.

    • really thought she’d be locked into a crumbling dysfunctional passive aggressive marriage to an Ivy Leaguer by now.

      — that was the goal; failed

      • If she was willing to go for a 50/60+ years old she might. But only with a guy that is already in his 3rd marriage, has 3 or 4 kids with different exes and demands a prenup from her. But then she’d have to go full on gold digger.

        • But then she’d have to go full on gold digger.

          — nothing different about that; the targets are less attractive and the contestant has depreciated in value with nothing new to offer in accomplishments

          • Agreed that generally speaking the targets are less attractive though in fairness, they would have to be pretty repulsive to be less attractive/ more offputting than Rain Phuckface. I’d take a well preserved 55 year old over that carny any fucking day!

          • Seriously. I’d way rather wind up with a 55yo who’s financially stable and spends his weekends doing triathlons or something.

    • I was absolutely convinced, absolutely and totally convinced, that she was going to get some Javascript nerd at one of the Silicon Alley startups who fell into a pile of cash to put a ring on it. She stayed away from one too many GuestOfAGuest parties, I guess, and moving out to LA effectively removed her from the dating pool for years.

      • I may be naive, but I really think this is a matter of her being completely unbearable, all the time to most people, after a short time to a small minority who tends to be feeble-minded / impressed by not-really-impressive bullshit. IMO it doesn’t matter how many parties she attends and how nerdy OR old the wallets she goes floor-oinking for are, because regardless of any of that, I have yet to see anyone willing to consistenly spend “quality time” with her for more than a couple of months and enjoy it. And she simply doesn’t have what it takes to get a wallet to put a ring on it within three months. If she had that, she wouldn’t be where she is now.

        • I’m w/ ya all the way, excepting what I already said about ‘if she can get an inmate to marry her for conjugal visits’.

          When she & Derp supposedly lived together? Color me skeptical in colors brite — she sprung that BS during a video’d shillpalooza to get free shit-colored bedding; he just skipped a beat & rolled w/ it — pretty sure he was hanging out w/ friends & not her even if staying w/ her if the pizza inn was airbnb’d. He was a hired handler is all.

          If she’d literally quit lying & get a therapist to read here, then own her shit & follow said therapist’s instrx, she may stand a chance of learning how not to donkey.

        • Eh– you’re probably right, but I could (at the time) have seen some 30-year-old neckbeard type with Facebook stock managing to “woo over m’lady from Wired” and then putting up with the bs in exchange for wildly unfulfilling sex.

          • I get ya and I won’t dispute that probably was a very realistic possibility at that time. My perspective is probably skewed because I discovered the donkey show in summer 2010, and things were already going downhill then, even though most (me def included) wouldn’t have predicted THIS kind of downhill.

            But yes, I absolutely believe that in her early / mid-20s she could have married some reasonable money / clueless neckbeard type. Unforch, 1) she was probably all OBO all the time back then, and, 2) even more importantly, by now she would have been long divorced anyway (because unbearable). Still, of course, she would have SOMETHING to fall back on, not only necessarily the money, but the experience might have taught her something and at least snapped her out of the princess wedding fantasy. Oh well, sliding doors, etc.

      • I was completely convinced of this also! I posted here several times saying the exact same thing. Maybe part of her problem was that she only considers white guys. As a former SV engineer myself I can affirm that (1) Geek SV, as opposed to Socialite SV, is about 50% Asian, and (2) most women of all races were not interested in the Asian guys.

    • I also started following the Donkey show in 2007. It’s amazing to think about how much I have grown and accomplished since then, while Donkey’s just stuck in the same, sad husband-searching holding pattern.

  13. On the bright side for Julia, Kissinger and Reines are arguably worse people than she is. So at least she has that going for her.

    I saw Marquandt on a TV somewhere in the past month. I don’t see him a lot (I don’t have cable) but my first thought was he has not aged well at all. I guess he at least has the excuse that he has been working hard and been stationed in actual war zones (IIRC)?

    • Probably saw him when I did, on regular tv covg of the attack on Brussels. He did indeed look beat down, but yeah, occupational hazard.

      • Either Brussels or Ukraine

        He looked like he’d aged a decade or more since the last time I’d seen him. Seems to be well regarded and hard working but hard to ignore the dishevelled appearance.

  14. OT, Skankatron 3000 Update: in previous post, we discussed Ali’s oh-so-hypocritical cri de coeur, warning people against “the tragedy that happens when people hire lawyers who are economically incentivized (due to practicing under the traditional, old paradigm model) to do harm and escalate fear.”

    So I thought you guys might enjoy the following epic putdown that someone left on that post. It’s really long, but really, really good – especially the reference to malpractice! Here it is…

    Eric Boulder
    Advising people to pick a lawyer that does not “scare” them in terms of the advice given is not leading people down the right road. In my opinion, a lawyer’s first job is to tell the truth to their client. A lawyer who makes you “feel good” or “calm” is not doing you a service if you are facing a very serious problem that may not turn out well for you. A lawyer’s job is not to make you feel centered or bring you to a place of calmness and peace. That is your job (or that of your therapist or spiritual advisor if you cannot handle it). A lawyer’s job is to: (a) be honest with you; and (b) get the best result they can for you. This does not mean avoiding or minimizing conflict if it is necessary “Spiritual” people (whatever that means) often emphasize the “light” over the “dark.” Both are equal parts of our reality. Applying this to your lawyer, his or her job is to deal with people who have a predisposition to conflict (otherwise you wouldn’t need lawyers). Often people in this state only understand aggression and leverage. To put it bluntly, sometimes when you are being bullied you need a bigger and more intimidating bully to have your back. In that case, you want a lawyer who can speak to the opposing party in their language and fight hard for you when it is necessary. That being said, a good and ethical lawyer will not escalate conflict to make money for themselves (they ought to escalate conflict to make money for you, if that is what the case is about). The bad news is that you cannot tell a good or ethical lawyer by their sales pitch (and make no mistake, when you interview a lawyer you are being sold a product) or by how organized their office is. Nor can you tell who is ethical or competent by their fee arrangement (sorry Ali!). An unethical lawyer will find a way to screw you no matter what terms you agree on. An ethical lawyer will do everything in their power not to screw you even if you agreed on terms that would allow them to.

    In my opinion, you should spend your time hiring an ethical lawyer with the skill to handle your matter rather than worrying about whether the lawyer makes you feel calm or what fee paradigm they work under. Also in my opinion, these are some tips on how to find a good and ethical lawyer (although there are no guarantees): (1) hire someone that went to a top school and who excelled there or, if you cannot find that, someone who was in the top 10% of their class at a lower tier school. You can find law school rankings online; (2) hire someone with at least 10-15 years of practice in the specific field you need (i.e. don’t hire a contracts lawyer to handle a divorce). Don’t hire a jack of all trades; (3) look for someone with experience at well regarded firms (i.e. the ones with multiple offices around the country, dozens of lawyers, national rankings, etc). Those places provide great training and have high ethical and technical standards that often stick with a lawyer after they leave; (4) verify the lawyer has no disciplinary record with the state bar and has not been sued for malpractice. Make sure the lawyer does have malpractice insurance (which actually insures you, the client, against the worst mistakes); (5) ask for a specific plan of attack and budget for your case, and make sure you can afford what the lawyer recommends. Hiring someone out of your price range will result in a less than satisfactory outcome; (6) make sure the lawyer you hire is doing your work (not passing it off to a subordinate who is in training); and (6) if you know a good lawyer that is currently in practice (or retired after decades in your location) then ask that lawyer for a recommendation. Good lawyers know the other good lawyers in town across practice fields.

    There is no safe way to find a good lawyer, doctor, accountant, or other professional. However, I hope this alternative perspective helps anyone out there who is struggling with this decision.

    • Much of this is good, for me personally, I couldn’t give two fucks where someone went to law school. Ali is an example of attending a good law school but court documents support she’s an unethical piece of shit. Two of my best attorneys aren’t even from this country originally.

    • I should add that I don’t know enough about lawyers to judge in detail what he is saying. But I did enjoy many of the points he made, given where he was making them:

      “…A lawyer’s job is not to make you feel centered or bring you to a place of calmness and peace. That is your job (or that of your therapist or spiritual advisor if you cannot handle it)…”

      “…Nor can you tell who is ethical or competent by their fee arrangement (sorry Ali!)…”

      “…”Spiritual” people (whatever that means)…”

      And my favourite:

      “…verify the lawyer has no disciplinary record with the state bar and has not been sued for malpractice…”

      • As a lawyer, I can tell you his advice is dead on. He’s so right. A lawyer’s first obligation is to tell the truth, even if it is something you don’t want to hear or something that scares you. In contrast, Ali’s advice is terrible and can get someone in a lot of trouble. Can you imagine going to a doctor for a serious illness and they just tell you what you want to hear and sugarcoat it?

          • It’s a bitter pill to swallow that hurts going down. That’s going to be in the advertising when it gets made into a movie.

          • OK, you can help me find a publisher. A not-too-demanding one who gives a sizable advance, plz.

          • I know just the perfect publisher. You can string all of us along for years boasting about your literary triumph and then just not produce anything. Cheers!

          • Sweet, will you also sign up for one of my seminars? Limited-time special, would be perfect Mothers’ Day gift, too!

    • Sounds about right. Every lawyer I ever had scared the shit out of me every time we spoke. I think they just wanted me to be prepared for possible eventualities and make themselves seem even more godlike when they made things go my way.

      Who is the person that is supposed to come in and say “EERYTHING GUN BE ALRIGHT! “

      • My last lawyer was a complete asshole, personally, but she took good care of my situation. Would I ever have dinner with her, nope. But you pay a lawyer to fight on your behalf, not hold your hand. Oh, and I have no idea where she went to law school.

      • I want a tough lawyer who’ll give it to me straight and fight for my best interests! Not some turkey feather- and rhinestone-wearing nutcase who insists that we get into a cuddle puddle before court. Why is she always so greg damn unprofessional? Because THE MAN held her down in an actual jerb and it was only in conning the globe that Ali Shanti found her true calling! Find out how she locates and lures in her marks for only $1999 – the first session is FREE!

        • JFAing myself to add that this bitch keeps sending me click-through emails for some Eben Pagan scam. The old raunch signs off:

          Use Eben’s formula to build your virtual business, and design your ultimate lifestyle.

          Love beyond the beyond,

          P.S. I wish I had met Eben in the early days of building my online businesses. He would have saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars of mistakes and countless lost hours, spinning my wheels, wondering what I was doing wrong. Watch his video here:

          • Let me guess, the link is some sort of affiliate link so that Shanti gets a commission for everyone she refers?

          • You know it! Now press that link so that the dusty millionairess, her alcoholic ex-husband, and those poor damn kids have electricity next week.

      • that would be Dr. everything’s gonna be all right from the song ‘let’s go crazy’

      • My MoneyMap is on this guy’s good advice not staying up long enough for any of Shanti’s friends or followers to check her disciplinary record with the bar.

    • And Skankatron’s reply to Eric Boulder:

      “I agree w much of what you have offered here and disagree w some.

      Always hire an ethical lawyer, yes. And don’t ignore both the dark and the light, yes. And definitely hire a lawyer who does the work you need and has specific training and experience in that work.

      But a top performer at a top law school or from a big law firm does not equate to good lawyer, it equates to good test taker who studied a lot and can regurgitate what professors like to hear (I know because I did it).

      Unfortunately lawyers have forgotten their role as counselor and that it IS their/our job to bring calm and peace to the world. Fighting fire with fire is an old paradigm that will simply keep us stuck in a world no one wants to live in. It’s true that most lawyers don’t have the emotional consciousness to meet bullying in a new way that shifts us beyond the win/lose dynamic that currently rules. And it’s up to each of us to make the choices to create something different.

      Personally, I choose otherwise.”

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