Updated: Electronics Spokesho Julia Allison Is Upset About Your Children Using Electronics/Pimpin’ Michael Ellsberg

Today in hypocrisy, among other hand wringing scolds, Donkey writes:

Not to be overdramatic or anything but … This country is so screwed. What it will take for parents to get their kids off electronics (when the parents themselves are addicted!) is daunting … Good luck.

“Many parents mistakenly believe that interactive screen-time—Internet or social media use, texting, emailing, and gaming—isn’t harmful, especially compared to passive screen time like watching TV. In fact, interactive screen time is more likely to cause sleep, mood, and cognitive issues, because it’s more likely to cause hyperarousal and compulsive use.”

ShesJustStupid responds:

WTF? Why does she love to talk about things she has no experience with, like children, families, sustainability, etc? I’m assuming she’s posting all her crap from her parents’ condo. Jesus, just go have a burger with the Fat Melman already.

Donkey surely won’t be having a burger with Jess Johnson or any of her sisters. For if her raftass were anywhere near California, she’d have been at The Caterwauler’s goddess sextravaganza. How is the OMG! downtown condo, Julia?

In other news, Michael Ellsberg is struggling with his pimp self:

I’d like to hear your thoughts on something I’m curious about. Several months ago, I posted a photo of myself dressed quite flamboyantly. The reaction was positive, which I was happy about. However, I was quite surprised about one thing: the #1 reaction I got in the comments section was some version of “Pimpin!'” or “Pimp!” No less than 5 women, and 3 men, wrote something along these lines. One woman even wrote “Pimpalicious!”

I was rather amused by this reaction, perhaps even a little flattered, and not offended. But I was also puzzled. I know there is a certain glamorization of the “pimp” archetype in popular culture, yet still, I had thought the word had a thoroughly negative connotation, especially among women.

The main connotation is of an exploiter, who profits off of the hard work and suffering of female sex workers, and seeks to make them powerless and dependent on him. Also an abuser, a womanizer, and a drug pusher.

I’m curious: when a woman refers in a positive, joking way, to a man as a “pimp”- what is the energy behind that? Is there some aspect to “pimp” archetype that is being salvaged from the smoldering ruins of the negative connotation? Is there a reclaiming going on, sort of like certain scenes within sex-positive culture are reclaiming and transforming equally-negative archetypes such as “slut,” “whore,” and “sacred prostitute”? Or has the word just become part of our vernacular, with no reference to its association in the sex trade–sort of a synonym for “mack daddy”?

Perhaps I am overanalyzing (as I tend to do). I have no particular point or purpose for this inquiry, other than sheer curiosity. I’d love to hear people’s thoughts.

Don’t be afraid to tell Michael where he can stick it. I’m sure he reads here. And who in Greg’s name is posting as outback Australian “Ray Burns”? Fess up!

Hi Michael I was surprised to Hear From Jena that You Guys split up and She is Now with a Butch looking woman? My Thoughts are are You Now Gay? Lol

Update: Jacy, our fearless leader, discovered a new White Pages listing for La Donk: Daddy’s OMG! downtown condo! No house in Novato, eh, Julie, aka lying liar who lies?

Bottom Fauxto: Donkey & Debbie, together forever! Just ask Smelly!

202 COMMENTS

  1. People said the same thing when atari first came out and almost every surgeon I know said video games helped them become better surgeons, especially in the day of image-guided and robotic surgery. Maybe she should have a kid or a job before she makes baseless comments. She’s so dreadfully boring and predictable.

    • Her FB feed really is boring as hell. She posts some sustainability crap or Ellen upset over LGBT issues in Mississippi or how we should be giving more hugs or … and she never engages with anyone re: these slapped up posts. No wonder our social justice warrior donkey is only getting a couple of likes with every turd dropping, despite 135k PAID fans in the ‘stans.

      If you abandoned “electronics,” Donkey, no one but us would notice.

      • It’s especially bizarre because SJW stances don’t help Donkey in any way. If our society totally devolves into identity politics or haves-vs-have-nots, Donk loses. The things Donk has going for her: Money from her dad/grandmother and her skin color. I refuse to believe she would give up either of those advantages to help anyone else.

        Donkey keeps trying to throw shade at her parents and generally lash out impotently at the world. So sad for a 34 yr old! 🙁

        • It was much more logical for her to ally herself with the McCains, Mark Kirk, Fox News, et al., but she burned those bridges a while back.

          • Momser and dadster clearly had high hopes for Stepford Neocon Julia. It would be all deballage events, Christmas at the University club, sending jobs overseas, and sending other people’s kids into war. I would’ve hated that Julia more, but Julia’s current trajectory of somehow even sadder.

            I love that Mark Kirk is going to lose his job this fall. I feel like there will be Hastert-like revelations about him once he’s old and can’t do anyone favors anymore.

      • Has anyone else worked out *why* she is posting these random “thoughts”?

        I felt I understood it when she used to post pics of herself doing random things (hiking, drinking green juice, yoga etc). That was textbook narcissism.

        But I don’t get the point of her linking to these articles. It’s boring and it can’t be good for her reputation because the lack of response just emphasises how few “fans” engage with her page – and therefore how “worthless” the fans are.

        So why does she do it?

        • Because she’s miserable about her life, mildly enraged she hasn’t achieved the things she feels she “deserves,” hence the outrage-y nature of these posts, feels like she wants to lash out at the world which is why she’s coming across as so preachy. Also since she’s embarrassed about her current living situation and too status obsessed to actually admit where she is (commune? Farm labor? House sitting? Parents condo?), these vague silly rants expressing her current frustration with the world are the only way she can express herself.

          Any self-photos with photos of what she’s doing might give away where she’s living, and since it’s not anywhere “good,” or impressive in the eyes of a donkey she will never admit that.

        • Because it’s what the other woos are doing. They constantly post articles with their “deep” thoughts and rambling “think pieces” about whatever it running through their minds at the moment. Basically, this is Donkey’s way of jumping up and down while shouting “Me, too! Me, too! I have thoughts and stuff! Look at me!”

    • People raged against the telephone when it came out too, thinking it would be the be the end of face to face communication. All new technology is subjected to the “This will hurt the children” treatment. Any technology can hurt people if it is abused, this is not brand new information. She’s such an insufferable hypocrite.

      A hypocrite who will never have kids, so there’s some small comfort in that.

    • My students have learned to use google for information. That’s relevant. They would never haul an encyclopedia around or even crack one if they had a question.

      They can ask questions that sometimes SAVE LIVES. Yesterday dudebrah and I were talking about how much the Internet helps kids who might have felt utterly alone or confused in the past — is my body normal? Is it supposed to do xyz? Is it okay that I feel n? NPR had a story about a support group for younger people who recognized their attraction to younger children and are fighting it together.

      Responsibly technology usage, you fucking cow. It’s being taught. What the fuck is YOUR solution? “SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY OUTRAGE!”

      I hate this fucking bint.

      Someone do me a solid and post the pictures of her glomming her phone at her bother’s wedding, or snapping and tweeting pictures at CHURCH.

      Uggghfuck.

  2. What is if her parents don’t feel like squandering the rental potential of the OMGDC and therefore she’s staying by the cranberry/guac refrigerator in the basement (or her girlhood princess bedroom) at Lakeside?

    • It would be amazing if her parents let Donkey stay at the OMGDTC and Donk decided to Air BNB it and that’s why she was always “hanging out” at the Lakeside Assisted Living Facility.

  3. Hahaha, Derpin and Donkey 4eva. That was the interview where she called him a “base model.”

    • That was horrible. He should have dumped her raft ass when she called him that in a public forum.

    • I love this pic because she looks enormous (just large/tall, not fat) and he looks teeny and like he’s straining to hold her up. She has always been so obsessed with men picking her up! I can just hear her braying for Devin to pick her up for this picture.

    • My mom referred to a nice but boring ex of mine as “a zero; because he’s a place holder”

    • Bahahaha always a bridle! OT I sent you an email last week (if not interested understood with no hurt feelings) but wanted to make sure it didn’t go to spam. Mine tend to do that (at least, that’s what my Mom tells me)…hey wait!

      • It is probably hidden in my inbox amid a deluge of email from Presidential candidates; I’ll hunt for it! Thanks for the heads up.

  4. OMG. Michael Ellsburg. That is the whitest, nerdiest, dorkiest post on “pimpin” ever. Seriously. And “Mack Daddy” just makes me cringe for you.
    Personally, when I think of pimpin’ (I cringe as a type that) I think of:
    1) Henry Winkler in Night Shift
    2) Big Pimpin’ by Jay-Z
    3) Some of the blurred faces and disguised voices from that documentary on prostiution HBO used to show
    4) Guido in Risky Business
    Clearly, I’ve got a dim view of “pimpin”. However, a Brown graduate who can’t just let it go that people made pimp references to a picture he to Facebook months definitely does not comes to my mind when I think of “pimpin”.

  5. Hi, I’m Michael Ellsberg. You might know me as Son of Some Famous Person Your Liberal Parents Might Have Heard Of. Months ago, you Liked a facebook post I made and called me a “pimp”. I’m feeling a bit depressed. No one wants to have frothy sex with me ever since I stopped providing free drugs. Would you mind revisiting that post and Liking it again and go into extreme detail about just how pimpalicous I am? Because I am quite insecure due to having a gargoyle face and the tiny, greasy, hairy body body of a anorexic bridge troll. I’ll even give you a coupon code for 5% off any of my books. Or 10% off my Fathers! Love & Lust!

      • It’s a woo tradition! Jess Johnson seems to have removed her “I’m dating Roberto Palermo and he’s so gorgeous that I’m wondering why he’s with me” humblebrag. Why do most woo relationships last only a few months at best?

        • because: endless arguments –
          “you’re not paying enough attention to meeeeee”
          “no, you’re not paying enough attention to meeee”

  6. Skankatron Update: Ali re-posted pics of herself as a young girl (she already posted them last year) with the following comment:

    “Sexy lexy in the dizzy.”

    The pictures themselves are quite disturbing, because they do indeed show a highly sexualised child, “posing” in an adult way for the camera ( she writes that she must have been around 9 in one and 6 or 7 in the other).

    What went on back then in that home? Someone here once posited that Ali’s weird squeaky voice is often a symptom of child abuse. Horrible.

    • Those pictures are creepy as hell. Of course, Pamela Madsen and Wali gave them a love emoticon.

      • So creepy. I can’t imagine describing any pic of me as a little kid as “sexy”. That would be beyond gross.

        • I have a daughter around that age and hell would f*!%g freeze over before I allowed her to be dressed up as a playboy bunny. So disturbing.

          No wonder Ali thinks what she’s doing with her kids is ok.

    • Yikes! Those pictures were beyond disturbing!

      Another interesting posting on SK3B’s facebook feed, sheds some light on her edge-of-poverty financial lifestyle.

      She said she was trying to sell some “spare tickets” for Return to Eden, or whatever fuckfest she is attending this week, and it dawned on me that, a serious business lady like her, with tens of millions of dollars of revenue in 35 business blah blah blah gets paid in tickets for her participation in those festivals.

      What. A. Loser.

    • That photo of her dressed up as a Playboy bunny at age 9, with an obviously sexualized pose and facial expression, is terrifying.

      • My wee lad is 9, and he truly has no concept of sexy. I’m disturbed by how SK3B learned it by that age?

        • My 14 year old daughter still has no concept of sexiness. She’s very immature for her age in that respect. You don’t know how grateful I am for this.

          • My teenage goddaughters know all about sex but are firmly entrenched in their latency periods, dress like skater girls in hoodies and tees, and hang with theater nerds and so on. I thank whatever Greg may be for this.

            My littlest goddaughter is very princessy and wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up, so sometimes I worry about her teen years…

      • Her father was a con artist; her mother dressed her up like Barbie Benton; I think those origins explain the mental illness in the present, Herr Freud.

  7. Am I the only one who really feels like her college/post college years persona is her true persona, and she should really just embrace it? She looks a hell of a lot happier in those pictures, as awful as they are. I mean, at least “Republican Fame Whore” is who she IS and “Rainbow Burning Man Whore” is a very tired looking, unhappy fraud who is hitting MickeyD’s wearing sunglasses and a hat so no one figures out she’s totally full of shit.

    Aho

    • I don’t think she has a true persona, but right-wingish fameball did seem like a more comfortable fit than hippie scold.

      Christ, what an aho.

        • I mourn the fact that this is the only place we’ll be able to use “Christ, was an aho,” because it’s giving me life and it’s genius.

          • I told the JIML to ‘Guam down’ last week.

            I tend to drop random RBDisms sometimes. They sometimes make people laugh. I think they think it’s like “Sweet cheeses!” or “sum of a biscuit.”

          • YES. A JIML reappeared recently, with a wedding announcement. God help the possible future child, but maybe it won’t last long enough for that to happen. I sent a gift from the registry and regrets.

          • You have no idea how happy I am to be as religiously incorrect as I can be here. We’re in the same state, yes? It’s so depressing and maddening.

          • @Handbag: How ’bout this latest?

            ‘… popular porn site XHamster.com has some bad news, and a black screen, for the residents of North Carolina following the disgusting anti-LGBT legislation passed there …’

            Says Mike Kulich, an XHamster spokesperson: “Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one.”

            Talk about hitting below the belt! 😉

  8. Oh for fucks sake…

    “I love this. I wish I had learned how to grow food in gardens as a child … instead, I’m learning (slowly) now!”

    This has come up before. Does (did?) she really not know that vegetables grow in gardens/farms? And is she really just figuring this out at 35 years old???

    • Where the hell is she doing this alleged gardening? Not that it matters, because of course she’s lying.

      • In her imagination, which is convenient — she’s so full of shit, it’ll stay well fertilized.

      • Grifty’s wild-assed speculation of the day:

        Donkey is living on an organic farm, maybe a communal farm, possibly someone affiliated with CTG’s food business. The horses she referenced are there for the horse manure used in the farming. She’s talking about learning to plant and grow vegetables, which she would not be doing if she was living in downtown Chicago (and I’m sorry, A Donkey is not going to hoof it across town to work in an urban garden if she lived there). Her initial post about this being a leap of faith and somewhere she never thought she’d live, that fits. She is being all SJW because all of the people in the CTG orbit are into this. I think she was in Wilmette for Easter only and that bear was in her childhood bedroom.

        Now, whether she is just couch surfing at the farm or actually working is another thing, given her allergy to actual work. If she was working, I suspect we’d be hearing her bray about it. Actual location unknown yet, but it’s far enough away from Encinitas that she couldn’t make the Jess Magic goddess extravaganza. My guess would be northern CA, or somewhere in OR.

        • Too wild assed, dear Grifty. If Donks really were faux toiling on a farm, she’d be posting snaps all over her page and patting herself on the back. “Yoo hoo, Cory! I’m ready for our organic farming collaboration. We’ll brainstorm at my parents’ place in Wilmette. They adore you!”

          • She did, even though ‘devices off’ was very much the theme of the place & the pics were fug — one fauxto looked like a waterfowl protection area; another one was determined to be a high school pkg lot (where she met her henchman, Lasagna?) — ringing any bells yet?

          • I hear you, but I’m just gonna leave this here. I still think this is where she is.

          • I’ve said northern CA, OR, or even WA. Even CO, but then Scamti would be bleating about it. I’m guessing some random friend-of-a-friend-of-a-woo had a room for “rent” and hooked A Donkey up.

        • I agree with grifty. Every loser I’ve known who can’t get a real job ends up wwoofing or something because:free rent.

        • Hi everyone. I have not been keeping up with la Julia lately. My guess is she is in Humboldt County or some such trimming weed. It is a lot of easy money for people willing to do hard work and live that lifestyle. It’s also off the books, which means she can get away without claiming it in taxes. It’s also illegal, which I think is the true reason she has remained mum on social media re: her whereabouts. It is the sort of thing that is quite common in hippie/burner circles. This would necessitate durable weather boots, particularly with the rainy season.
          Anyway, this is outside the harvest season, so it’s a longshot, but my hypothesis is this is what she is doing.

          If this is what she is doing, she is essentially a migrant farm worker, and an illegal one at that.

          • Yeah, right, like she is going to walk on dirt and touch a plant with her plastic manicured nails.

            Her mission in life is to spread magic, not to do work. Work is for the little people.

          • If she is in California, it is illegal, yes. You can get arrested for that work right along with the people running the farm.

            Had some hippie friends who were doing that shit for a few years. Had to give it up to get real jobs.

    • a JIML whose life has turned out disastrously blamed her parents for decades for not saving enough for college; that being of course the reason why she never finished, not that it would have made any difference

      food garden: i can’t even.

    • Well, the ground was frozen half the year, where she was living when she was NOT growing up.

  9. OT: calling Helena! I’m off to celebrate 25 years of OMG marriage to my huscat with a weekend trip to Prague. Super last minute, of course. Do you have any recommendations for hotels, places to visit, restaurants etc etc? Any tips gratefully received. xxx

    • WooHoos!!1! When are you coming, and is it literally just a weekend, that is two nights? You will probably want to stay in the city center then. Off the top of my head, I would recommend the Unitas hotel.
      http://www.unitas.cz/

      Let me know your preferences though (location / price / type of accommodation). Also, what are your primary interests in Prague? History, art, architecture, music, parks and gardens, cuisine? I have lots of tips and it might be difficult to cram a small part of them into a single weekend, but I will be happy to try. Feel free to 1) relax, and 2) hit me up at beowulf dot grendel at post dot cz.

      • Wow, thanks so much! We’ll be driving from Berlin. Our actual anniversary is Thursday, but we both have jobs (how involved of us) so we won’t be leaving till that evening. I thought we’d stay till Sunday – but also planning to have a hike in the Sächsichen Schweiz on the way back.

        We love art, history and most definitely food. I’ll send you an email right now.

    • Fameless, be sure to send the AmEx bill for your Prague vacation to Peter Baugher and tell him Julia was borrowing your card.

      • Good idea!

        But actually I was thinking of getting this community to invest in me and in the future of the planet by crowdfunding my city break. I’m sure you’d all be stoked to have the opportunity to be a part of creating a financial foundation for me to focus on enjoying a long weekend holiday with my husband.

        You know, Jess and I have so much in common. My life like hers is one experience after another, strung together. That’s why her latest venture has inspired me to reach out to you all for a monthly donation.

        What I’d love for us to do as a tribe is to rally together to create a financial baseline so I can focus on exploring Prague, fine dining and going to museums, without the distracting concerns of figuring out how to be able to pay for it all.

        I can predict that 30 years from now when I have *fundamentally* left my mark on history, leaving the world and future generations a better place, you’re all gonna be grateful you got the chance to support my magic.

    • Prague Castle.
      Lots of Mitt Schlag w everything!
      Have fun — lots and lots of major congratulations, seriously.

    • Lokal. If you can get your hands on those puréed potatoes… they basically ruined me for life.

      dudebrah says he knows when food is really good when it makes me start giggling. I still giggle just thinking about those potatoes.

    • What IS that? I did a scrunched-faced head shake when I read that.

      These people are seriously damaged and acting out. They claim to be highly evolved sexual beings, but really they’re just messed up.

  10. I kinda love that she’s so embarrassed by her current living situation that all she can do to express her rage is post scoldy links to a mostly silent and indifferent FB audience. This must be her nightmare.

  11. I hate that The Smells One forces me to make this comparison (I love PD too much), but pimps don’t look like Peter Dinklage after being repeatedly hit in the face with a shovel, doused in melted butter, stretched out on a rack, and dressed up using leftover costumes from a Halloween emporium.

    • I think he looks like the late writer/performer Michael O’Donoghue in the Mack Daddy fauxto. Minus 100% the intelligence and creativity, of course.

      • Don’t dis on Mr. Mike… as a 16 year old, smoked dope w him at his office at SNL. (Ah, the good old days!)
        My dream was to write for SNL and wow — was he funny! I remember he had a bulletin board w all his story ideas on index cards PERFECTLY (like — perfectly) lined up.

        • It was me, my twin sister and two friends from our Catholic all girl high school… I should add. (Not just me.)

        • I would NEVER dis on Mr. Mike! Please note: “Minus 100% the intelligence and creativity.”

        • Loved him. Was seriously bummed when he died. I followed him from back in the National Lampoon days.

    • He does look like he could be Peter Dinklage’s infinitely less attractive cousin! Except the glorious broody scowl of the Dinklage is diluted into a whiny “I just stepped in dog poo” grimace on the Ellsberg.

  12. Good Greg, Smellsberg. I don’t have enough insults in my vocabulary to describe how despicable I find him.

    He says about being called a pimp “I was rather amused by this reaction, perhaps even a little flattered, and not offended……” but then goes on to say “….I had thought the word had a thoroughly negative connotation, especially among women.
    The main connotation is of an exploiter, who profits off of the hard work and suffering of female sex workers, and seeks to make them powerless and dependent on him. Also an abuser, a womanizer, and a drug pusher.”

    WOW. WTactualF! But he wasn’t offended, not, not at all. He was flattered!
    I don’t care that he then asks what meaning it has to other people. The words above are what the word meant to him…and he was flattered. Fuck You, you useless greasy sex gargoyle (and the donkey you rode in on).

    • Seriously. Part of me enjoys laughing at him. Part of me is very concerned that his involvement in BDSM/porn/sex workshops has caused a lot of people to get hurt. I think he gets off on convincing (generally stupid) people that he’s pushing their boundaries for their own good.

  13. Ellsberg is “dressed quite flamboyantly”? Dude has on a pink shirt and some cheap mirrored sunglasses. If you can pick up most of your outfit at a Party City and a Walgreen’s, you’re not quite ready for the Player’s Ball, playa.

  14. It’s the executive producer’s birthday at work so the office ordered him some birthday cakes. One of them is modeled after some cake from Balthazar, the office got a bakery here in Austin the recipe.

    Anyway, a lot of my coworkers have never heard of Balthazar but I piped up that I had. “Have you been there?” “No, but I’ve read about it…somewhere….”

    And then it dawned on me where I first learned about Balthazar. Thanks Julia!

  15. that top fauxto, serious underarm hair or unfortunate shadow?

    unwashed pelts

    too small dress with armpit overhang

    priceless

    • It’s all a goddamn shill for the money map! Which she finally mentions in paragraph 17. Funniest stuff is in the comments, particularly her exchange with Ryan Swain’s former(?) lackey, Elliott, who has maybe two brain cells to rub together. At one point the shantress asks the village idiot, “I’m curious, what is your human design?”

  16. i think she looks very nice in the aqua blue dress, though i’m not quite sure how or why her knees appear to be at a slight angle towards each other (and not both facing forward in parallel)

    ironic how she looks her best (IMHO) in what you might consider traditional-conservative women’s attire

    • Except it looks like it’s from the junior department a couple of sizes too small. But she’s all about that fit and flare look because it hides a multitude (duality?) of sins.

  17. her knees appear to be at a slight angle towards each other

    She’s very dis-jointed … physically, mentally …

    I think she looks dumpy in that dress, compared to if it had shorter straps & the hem was lower — she could tuck in the pit flab, maybe look bustier more naturally, & a longer, un-flared skirt would elongate her tree trunk-ness.

    What she ought to do while she’s living in Chicago is undergo a complete make-over. First & foremost, go to the best hair stylist in town. Learn how to use a blowdryer & a brush. Buy flattering clothes; chunk all those childish “frocks”. Really learn how to cook. Learn how to be 35, not 15.

  18. I know this post is now old, but I need to scream into the abyss: SHE POSEF FOR A MAGAZINE ANNOUNCING HER ‘TRIBUNE COLUMN’ WEARING A SHIRT WITH HER BRA EXPOSED.

    The job her dad got her.
    The magazine article she sought out.

    HER BRA IS SHOWING.

    HER BRA.

    My sweet holey jeanses. I cannot.

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