Cryptic Donkey Crowdsources Re: “Unexpected” Vacation From Vacation-itis

Unexpectedly I find myself at the mystical Mount Shasta today: what should I see, do, where should I stay? Any suggestions, fellow magical travelers?

The post originally read:

Unexpectedly I find myself two hours from the mystical Mount Shasta today: what should I see, do, where should I stay? Any suggestions, fellow magical travelers?

Is she or isn’t she in Mount Shasta? Did Phuture Phuckphace whisk our burro away to pop the question: Do you and Peter Baugher promise to honor, obey, and fund me ’til conscious uncoupling we do part? Is Donkey answering Dave Morin’s booty call? Did our girl and Jess “Caterwauler” Johnson need some down time? Tho Mythteriouth!

Over on the other coast, Jena la Flamme is dancing away in fauxto after fauxto while complaining about injuries sustained in a tiny fender bender last weekend. Be sure to leave those snapshots up for the insurance folks, O Pleasurable One!

Unfortunately, sensual salsa dancing won’t rescue Jena from the sadz. Whatever side of the plate she’s batting on, our poor girl can’t even sustain a relationship for as long as Donkey!

ATTRACTED TO REJECTION

I recently learned that being rejected comes with an adrenaline feeling, the flip side of the coin of the adrenalin high of love, and therefore can be an addictive state for some people. Ahem, potentially people like myself…

It’s making more and more sense why I’ve put so much energy in trying to coax back non-committal, fairly uninterested lovers that I on the other hand felt passionately committed to and highly interested in. The feelings of rejection came with a hidden high.

It’s all making more sense now. It’s a psychological high of (a) feeling inadequate, partnered with (b) a will to improve and win back lost approval. Oooh. This is not the entire story of my life, but a fairly consistent thread in it. It starts in childhood and then repeats as I projected the narrative onto men.

Just because I now see the pattern, doesn’t mean it falls away. I now discipline myself not to allow my heart to offer its deepest devotion to one who does not feel the same. That feels healthier and truer. The enigma of the love I imagine someone might give me is without the same intensity of power over me. I’m doing the inner work and I’ve been wanting to “come out” about this in my writing and this is my first stab.

Rochelle Schieck recently published an amazing book called Qoya that examines related themes regarding relationship with the masculine. She inspired me to speak out about the soft underbelly of my emotional journey with this.

All I know is that it’s not over yet.

‪#‎pleasurableliving‬
‪#‎pleasurablerelationship‬

Not to worry! Jena is self-healing, not from rejection but from that horrific car crash:

#pleasurablesuffering #thegriftison

The Return of Bottom Picture! Can you spot the missing Davos report?

missing davos report

187 COMMENTS

  1. Every picture is like an over-the-top 1970’s toothpaste ad with that gaping maw of hers. Gross, just gross.

      • HAHAHA OMG, you just triggered my childhood PTSD. My older sister (because I have two sisters, one older and one younger– Donkey, see how that works?), used to chase me around the house doing that Pearl Drops tongue across the teeth thing, knowing it skeeved me out like nails on a chalkboard. The same sister who put flashlights on the side of her head and did the sleestak noise from Land of the Lost while saying Chaka. It is should never be a mystery to her why I send her kids back all sugared up.

          • She’ll be thrilled to know she has a fan of her earlier work.

        • Me too! Jolted me right back to my childhood. I think my mom bought my entire family Pearl Drops to try. I don’t think we were very impressed and went right back to Aim.

        • Ahahahaahaa, I wasn’t going to watch that clip, but then I had to see what the “tongue across the teeth thing” was, and the slow-mo replays had me cracking up (no offense)!

    • The choppers are one thing, but also as some vigilant catlady pointed out heretofore, her nozzles appear to be accommodating lodgers (or sharing-economy “guests”) in that picture, which I have been unable to unsee since. God, Donkey–wash your hair, blow your nose, chamfer your hooves. You’ll feel (and look) better for it.

  2. How the FUCK did this stupid, stupid donkey get to be 35 YEARS OLD and still so willfully stupid and clueless? I mean I know that is the whole point of this site but she just never fails to be the most basic bitch in the world! It’s so enraging.

  3. As is becoming my wont, I went on an angry tear on the other thread and thus will spare y’all the repeat performance. Just want to say I look forward to the insurance company giving ole Jena the rejection she so longs for. Trusting somebody here has the screen caps in case they end up needing a little help!

    • You have no idea how stupid people are. I used to handle workers’ compensation claims for a company that is actually pretty decent to it’s insureds. Most of the states they underwrite policies for favor claimants’ claims in case of litigation and it’s a better solution for everyone to get the claimant back to work healthy rather than pay buttloads to attorneys. My point being, they are not a company that operates in bad faith just to be dicks.
      I handled a back injury claim and the employee posted pictures of himself all over social media and in local newspapers wielding a saw machine cutting branches while hoisted in some sort of sling thingy. He was on restricted duty but still getting paid full wages (not the norm and not required by employers) and still getting his medical bills paid by our company.
      He was completely indignant about the whole thing and hired an icky plaintiff’s lawyer from a crappy PI firm. We ended up settling for a nuisance value, less than what it would cost to defend the claim in litigation.
      I haven’t handled MVA claims in years and I have no idea what the laws are in NY but her case would be awesome to handle and pick apart.

      • We had a WC pt who was really good at wrkg the system, which he successfully did for years, fooling our docs & commission docs all the way. Then someone close to the pt tipped off the carrier & he was secretly filmed for three days — they got this guy doing everything* any injured worker has ever said an injury prevented them from doing, & then some — it was amazeballz awesome. The amt of $ he cost them over the years (disability pay, surgeries, settlement & ongoing monthly refill of infusion pump (nearly $5k a pop) had to be upwards of a couple mil.

        I was scared the guy would off himself when the carrier went after him (so were the docs; so was his adjuster) — don’t know the outcome other than that the guy is still around, so they must not have tried to bleed that turnip.

        * I’m intentionally being vague as to what all the guy did, but to give an idea, he was getting his place on lg acreage ready for an event he was hosting, so the guy was basically a whirling dervish for those three days.

        Another one I know of is a gal who got hit by an armored car — she milked that shit for two yrs, got to court, saw herself on film running down the sideline at a pop warner game & flinging off her neck brace — got a settlement that paid her atty & left her w/ a $ amt equal to her auto deductible + interest. Again, awesome.

        • I know some people object to the use of surveillance but man, they can really help wrap up a claim and lower the costs.
          I loved working on comp cases. Most of the time, people were sincerely injured and really just wanted to get back to work.
          But the ones that could work the system? You could see red flags as soon as you ran a check to see how many claims someone filed. There were some who literally went from employer to employer, got “injured”, settled for whatever they could get, always with an agreement to terminate and then they would show up somewhere else.
          We wrote policies for a lot of nursing homes. I don’t want to generalize because a lot of CNA’s work their asses off for very little salary but that is one position that career claimants typically chose because of lift injuries to their lower backs.

          • JFAing to add there are also career claimants who milk the system not just for money but for prescription drugs. We had to have self locking doors in our office because whack jobs would show up completely enraged because a doctor refused to prescribe OxyContin.
            Sorry – I keep chiming in here about here but the whole plaintiff/victim angle a La Phlegm is such an obvious grift. I’m curious to see how long she’s going play this up.

          • When I did new pt intake over the ph, I was on the money probably 98% of the time as to who was doc shopping for meds or had a questionable wc claim — I know you know what I’m talking about (how ya just get a feel for it) — absolutely crazy was post-Hurricane Katrina, when every other call was a refugee new to town, looking for their next dose of Methadone. Uh, NO, wrong #.

            Our clinic mgr filed two restraining orders that I know of re: pts making threats over Rx refills.

            Worst, most desperate drug-seeking thing in my time there was the pt who was held down by her grown-ass thug kids — they tried to access her indwelling infusion pump w/ a hypodermic needle to extract the compounded opioids — basically the exact opposite steps of a refill, except they didn’t have the template for the port, & they punctured that woman from here to Sunday AND sent her into DT’s because they malfunctioned the pump in the process.

      • Sounds like scenes from an Ernest P. Worrell movie, where the villains would rip off their neck braces to give chase while Ernest frantically hobbled away on crutches and the whole scene would be caught on camera somehow.

        Truly, though, in the digital age you can really only pick one: fraud or internet, never both, at least not for very long. People need some serious self-reflection, like: What if yourself is moron, all this time??

        • And what is so hard about keeping it off social media anyway? (Says the old person). Email all zero of your friends who care about your dumb salsa photos if you must, Jenna.

          • She is really needy for attention recently. She also seems to have a lot of free time. I’m thinking of a word that rhymes with cob that would probably help her.
            I don’t think her #pleasurablelife is #thatpleasurable.

          • The posting is off the rails! La Phlegm needs social validation more than any of the woos and that’s saying a lot.

    • I knew she couldn’t last long in not dancing about while taking MRI’s and pursuing insurance claims, but one day, laphlegm? One day?!?

      • I just settled a PI lawsuit in which I was the plaintiff. Wanted to add the injured party’s POV to this convo. The system (at least in NYS) is set up to make everyone feel like a criminal. I was seriously injured, had had no other lawsuits and went to top notch doctors to confirm my injuries (read: not hacks, the best in the neuro and ortho fields in NYC metro area) and STILL I was treated terribly.

        I started out only wanting a small pittance to ensure I’d be covered should my injuries cause any long-term, unanticipated issues in the future. I ended up being super angry at the way I was treated and wanting more money for all the time and emotional + financial damage the process caused. I still didn’t get a large settlement per say – it’s enough to ensure I’m taken care of should something happen down the line and to somewhat compensate for the 3+ lost years of my life spent dealing with a parade of lawyers and doctors (I’d take NOT being injured over the cash ANY DAY) as well as hiring an accountant to fix my wrecked credit report. For context, the whole process also caused me to lose a very glamorous job and end a long term relationship (not the sole contributing factor but certainly a portion of it.) I cannot imagine voluntarily going through that process. It’s not a quick payday, it’s not a cash cow without repercussions.

        Regarding social media: I started to become more active following a few rounds of surgery and intense PT but I obviously knew enough to not post anything of my activities. Read activities: riding down the bunny hills with dual wrist braces and a top-of-the-line helmet when I used to be an active, advanced skier – with my doctor’s approval, etc.

        Idiots like this are the reason that people who are actually injured have to suffer through the indignities of this whole process. It gives me the ragies.

        • Sorry for the novel. I feel all of the things about this topic.

          (also, delurking – be gentle, I’m a noobie to the commenting)

          • WTAFB, I’m an actual pain patient and I feel you in this matter. It took years — years! — to get diagnosed with something that shows up vividly on every kind of imaging known to humankind, just because everyone was so sure I was faking it that nobody bothered to order an x-ray to find out. Truth is, I hate being on painkillers and have really just want/ed the pain to stop fucking up my life. That’s what my angry tear was about on the other thread, because seriously, fuck these people like LaFlamme who indirectly make other people suffer just so they can get a little more memememe time and maybe $$$.

            I, too, hope you’re hanging in there. And welcome to the fray!

          • WTAFB and Crystal Enemas, add me to the shitiest party there is. Sorry, tried to write a different response but I had to delete it, it’s still all so traumatic to think of. Sorry you guys had to experience the hell that is accident/injury, not being believed, treated like criminals, WC and insurance process. Gentle hugs forever to you both and also to the lovely cat peeps who empathise, plus provide distraction and amusement daily. You have no idea how much it helps having this site to turn to.

          • Hugs, Nosferatu-tu. Never met a comment from you that I didn’t like, and I’m sorry you have to be part of the Shitty Pain Club even if it makes for better company.

            PS: sorry not sorry, woos, you just pissed off everyone who has the Schedule II thru IV drugs. #notgonnashare #nosuchthingasfreedrugs

          • Thanks, Crystal Enemas and lol for days at #notgonnashare !! I’ve gone from someone who used to try to avoid painkillers to someone who’s all “pry them from my cold, dead hands”.

        • I’m right there with you. Unfortunately, I had a shitty lawyer but everything was legit with $150,000 in hospital, PT & surgery bills to prove.

          • Crap settlement here too. watching LaPhleghm in that video fills me with rage. Just watching that, even disregarding the dancing photos, you can tell she does not have whiplash. She flicks back her head to show the TENS patches, moves her neck constantly etc. When your neck hurts and is damaged, you realise just how much you move it and quickly learn to limit body language such as nodding, and instead rely more heavily on verbal responses. Sure, move your neck gently with appropriate stretching etc, but the stuff she is doing in that video,while probably not noticeable to most lucky enough not to have suffered neck pain, is telegraphed loudly to those who have….and the doctors and insurance people who treat and assess them.

            The suffering I wish on that bitch is an actual full on car accident where she does suffer actual severe whiplash, or damage to the discs. Then see how fucking “pleasurable” and “self healing” her body actually feels.

            Sorry for the rage filled rant, wall of text and grammar issues. As you can tell, I’m not a happy camper when it comes to this stuff and lying, grifty, scamming losers who make it harder for the legit people out there.

          • AW I’m sorry to hear you cats had to go through similar experiences.

            @MF – not sure where you live/if lawsuit is still active but I was happy with my PI lawyers in NYC if a recco would help?

        • personal injury lawyers and getting damages through the courts are a symptom of the bigger problem of no social safety net for people who are injured and even if they have jobs and insurance would be bankrupted by paying for care

          single payer healthcare and medicare for all is the answer

          sorry for all the catpeeps in pain.

          calling personal injury lawyers ambulance chasers is propaganda from the people who like the system the way it is; people who are injured have noplace else to go; and if they are poor and uninsured when they are injured and disabled they are doubly in need of help after

          • I saw a documentary on HBO that dove into this subject. Damn, I can’t remember the title but it looked at the McDonald’s too hot coffee, case. I had NO idea about the facts behind that case. Legit lawsuits are the last way a citizen can get any recourse when harmed. And people like Flembot, trying to game the system, hurt us all.

            I would seriously contemplate throwing myself into traffic if I found myself in a conversation with Ali Shanti and Jena Flembot. That whole group is so gross.

          • what you are missing, though, is that the scammers who are trying to milk the system are not looking to pay for medical bills, they are looking for cash for themselves, period, and preferably getting paid not to work

          • i am a lot less concerned about the scammers than i am about the people who are hurt, can’t work, and are in pain and can’t afford treatment

            the scammers are a distraction

            same argument for all social welfare programs

          • Same argument for all public programs. Some contractors are shady, but nobody suggests that highway construction is out of control.

          • Albie, they might if they had an idea that a local contractor got their taxpayer-funded contracts by consistently low-balling on the bids. And then consistently going over-budget by 2-3 times the bid amount. Hypothetically, of course.

  4. I vaguely remember visiting Mt. Shasta while on vacation as a kid (long time ago).

    I have to admit that there was something off/strange/mystical about that place. It had this aura about it in that, as much as it was beautiful nature and scenery, etc. it kind of felt like we were kind of isolated from the rest of the world, in a sort of creepy way.

    For some reason it reminded me of that devil’s tower place in the movie close encounters of the 3rd kind. I don’t know how or why I come up with that analogy, it just did. Who knows, maybe it was just the inner-woo in me expressing itself in my childhood.

    Also I remember seeing this family that looked like either mentally challenged or on drugs or hippies/hillbillies and the kids were running around with no shoes and I felt bad for them.

  5. Speaking of Jess, I almost ran directly into her on Chestnut Street today. Is nowhere safe?!
    I gasped (literally) when I saw her-her energy is way off and crazy intense. We had a creepy moment of eye contact. Disturbing-Felt like she wanted to be recognized and acknowledged for…something. Still shaking off the ick.
    In related news, I am never leaving my apartment again.

    • What I don’t get is why all these woos are hanging out in the Marina. I’ve never been a Marina bitch (Lower Haight 4 eva), but wouldn’t they be more suited to hanging out with the tightrope walkers and hula hoopers in Dolores Park? Or how about that never-ending drum circle on Hippie Hill? I guess I do get it — they’re more grift than woo and it’s nice to live in a neighborhood with sidewalks that don’t smell like musty piss.

    • I think Jaaahhhhs lives in the Mission. At least that is what I read some time ago. Maybe she moved into Donkey’s stall.

      • So she moved from San Diego to Los Angeles to San Francisco in a fairly short time span? I think Jaaahhhs and Donkey are camping out together and the caterwauler told her to keep it on the downlow because she doesn’t want any more attention in RBD.

    • omg, be careful she looks very much on the edge. Interesting Marina really, part of the establishment less hippie fest. Hmm me thinks she is a fake basic bitch.

  6. Ok looking, eccentric, not American, semi sensual, fun. Thirties and forties men balance the level of narcissism and cray involved, even threesomes won’t make it worth it, twenty something trust founders have younger more nubiles to pick from, except for the $sixty year olds and plus that will do it for fun and to prove they can. The end.

    • It must have been up there so that someone in particular would see it, then. Classic Donkey yoooohoooooooooo.

      • Or she took it down because she received only one comment and not from a member of the “tribe.” Jesus, I crowdsourced once on FB and got something like 85 responses

    • Is Mt Shasta on the way to Colorado?

      Is the moving to Boulder so SK3B’s hut?

      • We went through Mt Shasta area when we were moving from AZ to WA a few years ago. You cross through there right before you end up in Oregon.

          • She is so thirsty to tell everyone where she went. I don’t think it is PDX though because of the stupid Uggs post. But maybe…

          • No, Portland is objectively cool. If she were moving there, she would have let everyone know about it. “This Rainbow is moving to rainy Portland! Please lovers and friends, tell me all your recommendations!”

            I’m guessing she’s ending up in Redding, Eureka, Mendo. She’s traipsing around with some dude or a group of weirdo girls — I’m also on board with the Colorado theory.

            I’m just so happy she is out of SF and can no longer smugly call it home. Good riddance.

  7. OT: Season 2 of HAPPY VALLEY … holy shit!! I knew it was going to be good when I saw the character played by that hairy little monkey, Shirley Henderson, but … wow!!

    #pleasurablebingeing

    • Glad to read you dig it. My mom loves the fuck out of British dramas, always has, so I will be happy to recommend Happy Valley 2 to her, she saw the first season. I’m happy when she’s happy with her tv choices!

        • Loved the first season, which did a remarkable job establishing a sense of place. I felt as though I could mark every house in that town.

          • Interesting! I get it. Even more so (far as feeling like you know the hood), DOC MARTIN had that effect on me re: “Portwenn” (Port Isaac, IRL).

    • Brayella all is right in the world, we are binging on the same page again. (I kid) I finished it last night! I love that series (but you may notice a trend in my taste, sociopaths end up where they should on Happy Valley).

  8. So Jena just put a FIVE MINUTE video on her facebook about how she gave herself a booboo. The best/ most aneurysm-inducing line, as she’s discussing how she got the injury using a particular tool: “I hope to have a man to do it for me, a muscle-requiring job.”

    AAAGHGHGHGHGHH

    Woo cosmology around gender relations is backward and regressive.

    • But isn’t she a lesbian? Didn’t Michael Ellsberg make a big deal about his wife coming out of the closet, though everyone knew she’d had relationships with women? #pleasurablegolddigging

    • super confused but isn’t she dancing and doing lots of moves of some sort after her accident and she has whiplash. wow I am sure the insurance company would wonder about her photos as she is extending her neck with her dance partner. what a scammer la phlegm. such bull shit stop starving yourself you are acting crazy and going bald.

  9. Feel the bern, Ali! A deprogrammed Michael “Fozzie” Jacobs just posted:

    Have you spoken with your parents this week?

    Make sure you call them and tell them you love them. Even if they don’t understand your mission, they are still your parents and they love you.

    And they are WAY more important than any success or money.

    ‪#‎truth‬

    • fozzie looks pretty good after a haircut and beard trim. good for him for breaking free from being shantitown’s slave/babysitter/driver. stop by the basement anytime, michael!!!

    • He forgot to mention you shouldn’t see them as a cash register or bank, but it’s a definite dig.

  10. MMBH looks nice in the bottom picture. I cruised over to her social media and she’s looking good, seems to be having fun doing stuff, cute photos with her mother, dog looks happy and well cared for unlike Lil(l)y, etc. Compared to Julie’s grubby onesie woo life, Mary came out way ahead.

    It still seems weird to me that none of those girls have gotten married. I got married in my mid-thirties myself, but I wasn’t as intense and open about how much I was into the idea as the TMI Weakly girls.

      • I always liked Mary. She was the only one who was any good on camera and the only one I could imagine having a beer with.

      • Oh, yeah, morethanmary is lessthanimpressive for sure. But she’s hung in there with the bicycle studio or whatever that is, so she’s way more productive than A Donkey.

    • I find this weird too! It was such an explicit goal with all of them, I’m surprised no one made it happen. I know a lot of women who married late in life, or never, and are really happy, but we know that isn’t true for these 3.

    • I thought she looked good in bottom picture too’, until I noticed her kneecap….wtf is going on there?

    • Interesting Gawker didn’t cover this story but I’d suspect they’re waiting until they file their appeal first. No winners in this case. Hogan is as unethical as they come and how he and his son vilified the victim of his son’s car crash is unforgivable and Denton is unethical trash.

      • JFA’ing thanks for posting that link, I never knew the Gawker backstory.

      • Hulk Hogan is a vile human being. I’m the same as you…the minute I heard him talking to his son (who was in jail for driving the car and causing the accident) about how that kid must have done some really bad things in life to end up in a vegetative state and then go on to talk about how he was going to get the son another reality show or whatever, I thought ” well this is a guy who is beyond redemption.”

        And he was just as disgusting in the sex tape. It makes me sick that he is being rewarded for his behavior with 115M.

  11. She’s really working the new mark, eh?

    DONKEY TAIL / TELL / TALE: The Great Debate TV series w/ Julia Allison (Google bio drenched in scheme juices)

    WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Thr Great Love Debate (a one-time singles event moderated by Julia Allison)

    FROM DONKIPEDIA: According to CBS News, Julia through the use of attorneys, has been quite effective at rewriting her history and rebranding herself by having websites removed or taken down. [30]

    • Her rictus mouth, right? It is supposed to look happy, but it looks so sad and desperate.

      Her clenched eyes and unclean nose also do not say, “I am a happy person.”

      It looks like she is crying, actually. I know that is not what she wanted to present, but that is what I see.

      • This was taken outside that Tony Robbins conference she went to in WPB Florida. She’d flown in the day before and ILY Rain had had a SF event she’d gone to that previous night. The next day she got flowers at her hotel in Florida, Lalla posted that they were from ILY Rain, but the post was taken down almost immediately. I always speculated that he may not have paid enough attention to her that night at his concert and it pissed her off because she was leaving the next day. They may have had a fight and maybe he sent her the flowers. Who knows? She did look like she had cryface in some of the pictures taken there, and she also had that Q&A interaction with Robbins about her masculine energy negatively affecting relationships. I think this was also around the time she was told she had to evacuate her stall in San Francisco and was upset about that. All her “I’m so happy!” photos taken at that time seemed to be playacting for the camera while she was miserable inside.

      • And it makes me wonder what kind of creature has nested in her nostrils.

        Seriously, Donkey, have that nasty growth checked by a (real) doctor.

  12. I’m gonna pull a Donkey and crowdsource here for some ideas. I’ve been hired to solo play a wedding at the end of April at a tiny historic chapel. I’m basically Jess Magic only without the trout pout and chapped lips, and without the vocal fry and the need to make every damn song a sexy sultry dirge. I have a playlist of songs but I’m bored with them. I need to come up with an hour’s worth of sort of quiet stuff, I’m thinking old jazz standards, before the ceremony where they’ve already made their selection. I play ukulele and guitar. I’ve done a lot of weddings but not lately. I did one last year and I did a lot in the 80s and 90s before I decided I’d rather disembowel myself than do another. Donkey’s not the only one who hasn’t hit the LEARN button.

    I thought I’d throw it out to you lovely catpeeps for some suggestions that I may not have thought of, given that I mostly only play stuff that was popular between 1910 and 1960.

      • Yikes! That song is so complex. It has quick, modal jazz changes, for one thing. I love it, but I don’t know if I’d try to learn it for a wedding.

      • It is definitely complex with fabulous chords. It’s right up my alley, I do play swing-y stuff like this and I’d love to learn the song, but it’s not good as a solo selection You’d need other band members for sure to pull it off. I appreciate the suggestion, thanks!

    • La Vie en Rose? Corcovado? Time After Time (the Cyndi Lauper one)? Dream a Little Dream of Me? Seems Like Old Times? La Mer?

      • Oooh, love these. Sorry, Grifty, I can’t think of much. My musical knowledge is poor (not Donkey bad, thank Greg) and Jazz isn’t my area. May I embarrass myself by suggesting Chances Are? But I’m not sure how to do it without a band.
        All the best, you’ll rock (hard) it!

      • I can’t be arsed to learn LaVie lyrics by then. I have always loved this song and it is easy to play but dammit, it’s hard to memorize foreign words. You should see me massacre Hawaiian lyrics.

    • I am not a slow music person at all. The music-loving part of my brain is like that bus in Speed: if the beat drops below 120 bpm I’m done. With that disclaimer, you might want to check out “Twice” by Little Dragon, “Bird’s Lament” by Moondog (the slow version, not the peppy upbeat version that got sampled into “Get A Move On” in the 1990s), and any/all of the Gymnopedies by Satie, particularly #2.

      Seconding “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper, even if it reminds me of junior high school dances.

      • ah a kindred spirit!

        when I go back and listen to stuff I liked 10-20 years ago, my feet start getting impatient! I cannot do the brooding, emo, slow guitar ballad stuff anymore!

        • When I was 9 years old or so I heard the “chase” theme from Midnight Express played on the radio, and that was pretty much it for my music tastes for the next 35 years (and counting). Still a good song, too.

        • OK but for a wedding you can’t impose your own preferences. Most won’t like head-banging shit while people come in to sit down.

      • Gymnopedies!
        Have you heard the version of Bizarre Love Triangle that Australuan band Frenté did in the ’90s?

        • I was obsessed with that song when I heard it in middle school. I remembered it not too long ago and added a bunch of Frente songs to my playlists. I was surprised that no one knew the song. I thought (middle school) it must have been HUGE and EVERYONE knew it.

          Also, I’m the opposite of KS and EJ. As I get older I can’t listen to any of my old fast punk or hardcore music.

          Oh, and last Friday I caught kids hanging out of their car windows driving down the street bucking rocks at houses and I chased them down the street, in my bare feet, with a high powered flashlight. They finally spotted me and I heard “Oh shit!”

          “You’re damn right ‘Oh shit!'” I yelled, “You better keep going!”

          They sped off… stopped at the corner and let one of them out, who scurried off into his house. Jesus Christ, kids, cycle the block at least, you morons.

          When I got back to my house brah and my neighbor were standing in the driveway because my shouting woke up the whole damn hood.

          I explained, rushed and out of breath, paused and said, “Oh. I am fully the crazy ‘get off my lawn’ lady now. I am the MAN?!?”

    • Hey, thank you all for any and all contributions to this silly crowdsourcing thread. I was just hoping to jog me out of my rut of knee-jerk tin pan alley jazz standards. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I do like to grow and learn and expand. Maybe not in anticipation of performance at a wedding in a month, but still, the suggestions are much appreciated. xxoo

      • Michael Franks Popsicle Toes. Steely Dan. Boz Scaggs silk degrees album. Jesse Colin Young. Tony Joe White. Country with Lucinda Williams if that’s a fancy. Some old Robert Palmer. Haha you can see where my musical tastes run.

        • Michael Franks Popsicle Toes

          My man! Our musical taste is very similar, BTW, going by what you listed above — I wonder if we’d like each other’s most obscure choices.

        • I love Michael Franks. I have a bunch of his old LPs. I saw him in concert twice and Popsicle Toes was a favorite. I wonder what he’s up to now?

        • Oh, also Boz…love him. I used to see him in CA at the Mountain Winery and sit on stage. Would run into him at parties but never had the nerve to go up and say hi. Saw him at least half a dozen times, have all his albums including Japanese editions that are just his ballads. I could die hearing Harbor Lights or Love, Look What You’ve Done to Me…

          • I met him a few times (and wife, the beauteous Carmella) when he had the Blue Light in SF. My husband was part of the hot-happening restaurant crowd and they all hung out together after hours and were supportive of one another. (Maybe our very own Tortuous remembers, though it could have been before her time.) Anyway, I recall him as magnetic and charming (and extremely well-dressed) from those few encounters (though that might have just been a manifestation of my star-strucked-ness.)

          • The Mountain Winery OMG. We are the true Bay Areans, not some dumb Donk who thinks she’s soooo California because she does yoga just like every Midwestern soccer mom.

          • Was the Blue Light different from Slim’s? Because I would haunt that place. I loved it.

          • Now I am not sure if he owned both. Maybe another rock star owned Blue Light and he just hung out there. It was more than 30+ years ago [sic], so how can I be expected to remember?! God, I am old…

          • @Frequent Liar Miles

            I was hostess-with-the-mostest at the Blue Light Cafe for a couple of years, so yes, right you are! 😀

            Boz and his brothers are super cool and so down to earth. Very smart, and so funny! They’re good people. And yes, Boz has extremely good taste: clothes, decor, music, food, wine, home, all excellent yet low-key, never too much.

            @Grifty

            The Blue Light Cafe was around for several years before Slim’s came along. It was not a live music venue, just a bar/restaurant that served great (mostly TexMex) food and had a top of the line Nakamichi sound system, incredibly well-crafted music selection (think N.O. Jazzfest, best of Texas blues, earthy soul, etc.) and dramatic theatrical lighting. It was glamorous but at the same time very chill and welcoming.

    • Do you have enough onesies? That seems to be the most obvious indicator of success.

        • Do you have a 5k planned? People like to have their own special events hijacked with athletic events to show off your brief, passing interests.

          • No way! I am going to have them perform yoga to the music so they will overarchingly relax before the ceremony and reception. It isn’t cold enough for a 5k.

      • I figured I’d wear a wedding gown to perform in to show solidarity with the bride. I know she’ll just love that idea. The others in the party can wear onesies.

        • You might want to honor the girlfriends that the groom dated before he met the bride– perhaps with a special song or dance.

          • Such a lovely idea. I’ll surprise them with this. I’m sure they’ll be touched and honored.

          • I have also prepared signage for throughout the chapel. There will never be another day like this one!!! Namaste!!

          • I did just that at my wedding, with a slideshow presentation (my wife is still with me (even though she keeps me locked in the basement most of the time)).

  13. Totally unrelated, but I was reading an article on AVClub about songs that might or might not be dissing Courtney Love and it made me think of Julia.

  14. Ali Scamti posted an “article” on Medium.com about how mad she was that people thought debt was bad. One commenter said it may be a gift, but it’s one that needs to be repaid and said it was important to be ethical. She basically replied that, OK, sure, you should have the intention to pay it back, but sometimes it’s more ethical and responsible not to. WTF.

    • I also enjoyed her post about her son’s birthday. Which really had nothing to do with her son’s birthday but more about how she gave birth to him. Hint: birthing center, natural, VBAC!
      Yay you Al…more about you, please!!

  15. OT but possibly applicable, if you have an elderly Kindle e-reader. My understanding of the deadline is that if you don’t git ‘er done TODAY, you won’t be able to access the store (no more buying books for it) unless / until you do a manual update.

    Critical Software Update for Kindle E-Readers

    HTH!

    • I’m taking a break from my Beloved Kindle to focus on print books. I’m a voracious reader– I usually read underline with purple glitter pen 12 books at a time. Growing up, we were always reading. We didn’t even own a television, except when we were always watching PBS.

      Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  16. The truth preached from little baby Ewok, the bitter:

    “Have you spoken with your parents this week?
    Make sure you call them and tell them you love them. Even if they don’t understand your mission, they are still your parents and they love you.
    And they are WAY more inportant than any success or money.”
    ‪#‎truth‬

  17. OT: to the cat lady who recommended Zushi Puzzle: thank you! Exactly what I was looking for.

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