Unexpectedly I find myself at the mystical Mount Shasta today: what should I see, do, where should I stay? Any suggestions, fellow magical travelers?
The post originally read:
Unexpectedly I find myself two hours from the mystical Mount Shasta today: what should I see, do, where should I stay? Any suggestions, fellow magical travelers?
Is she or isn’t she in Mount Shasta? Did Phuture Phuckphace whisk our burro away to pop the question: Do you and Peter Baugher promise to honor, obey, and fund me ’til conscious uncoupling we do part? Is Donkey answering Dave Morin’s booty call? Did our girl and Jess “Caterwauler” Johnson need some down time? Tho Mythteriouth!
Over on the other coast, Jena la Flamme is dancing away in fauxto after fauxto while complaining about injuries sustained in a tiny fender bender last weekend. Be sure to leave those snapshots up for the insurance folks, O Pleasurable One!
Unfortunately, sensual salsa dancing won’t rescue Jena from the sadz. Whatever side of the plate she’s batting on, our poor girl can’t even sustain a relationship for as long as Donkey!
ATTRACTED TO REJECTION
I recently learned that being rejected comes with an adrenaline feeling, the flip side of the coin of the adrenalin high of love, and therefore can be an addictive state for some people. Ahem, potentially people like myself…
It’s making more and more sense why I’ve put so much energy in trying to coax back non-committal, fairly uninterested lovers that I on the other hand felt passionately committed to and highly interested in. The feelings of rejection came with a hidden high.
It’s all making more sense now. It’s a psychological high of (a) feeling inadequate, partnered with (b) a will to improve and win back lost approval. Oooh. This is not the entire story of my life, but a fairly consistent thread in it. It starts in childhood and then repeats as I projected the narrative onto men.
Just because I now see the pattern, doesn’t mean it falls away. I now discipline myself not to allow my heart to offer its deepest devotion to one who does not feel the same. That feels healthier and truer. The enigma of the love I imagine someone might give me is without the same intensity of power over me. I’m doing the inner work and I’ve been wanting to “come out” about this in my writing and this is my first stab.
Rochelle Schieck recently published an amazing book called Qoya that examines related themes regarding relationship with the masculine. She inspired me to speak out about the soft underbelly of my emotional journey with this.
All I know is that it’s not over yet.
Not to worry! Jena is self-healing, not from rejection but from that horrific car crash:
The Return of Bottom Picture! Can you spot the missing Davos report?