Be His Submissive Valentine: Michael Ellsberg’s Jaunty New Match.com Snaps

Courtesy of Wendy K. Yalom, THE Wendy K. Yalom, the Wendy K. Yalom who has fauxtograped every woo from Ali Shanti to Julia Allison, THAT Wendy K. Yalom!

“Make your last safe investment hooking up with me! Did I mention my dad? Once? Twice? Would you like to hear about him again?”

So dashing! So charismatic! So profethenal! So Christian Grey! But what is going on with Smelly’s hair?

Bottom Picture Hall of Shame: The 10 Fans in the ‘Stans who liked Donkey’s vacation from vacation-itis post.

#4) Hailing from Sri Lanka, please welcome dripping wet Nisal Samarawickrama!

65 COMMENTS

    • He looks like an out-of-work actor hired to play a college admissions officer for the college’s colorful brochure.

      “Have you seen the new physics building?”

        • I agree, the clean-cut look makes him stand out more than any of the clown costumes he normally wears. This is the closest I come to giving a woo a compliment because again it’s just the image that’s changed, not the actual substance behind the image. Still hangs with a known child rapist.

      • I don’t know… he looks REALLY REALLY INTENSE… like if you’re on a date with him you need to be HAVING THE MOST FUN EVER OR ELSE.

    • He cleans up pretty well. He looks like a pleasant enough fellow. Do people get professional* portraits done for their online dating profiles?

      *well, faux-fessional or woo-fessional

      • For me, and a lot of my friends, it’s a GIANT RED FLAG. Unless, it’s one and it’s was for work and he makes a bit of a joke about it. It’s so TRY HARD.

      • Yeah, that would be a huge red flag for me, too. Not only is it try hard, it makes me feel like the person is probably a narcissist.

  1. I don’t know shit about photography. But how is his nostril in focus but his eyebrow is not? Is that Art?

  2. Nisal Samarawickrama makes Wahli look like Brad Pitt.

    PS: NAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Serious question: Can Smelly actually close his mouth completely at this point?? I do not see a single photo of him anywhere without that ridiculous gaping maw. Too many years around The Donkey and too many weird sex toys/body parts in his mouth is my theory for this perplexing condition.

    Also, did anyone get LaPhlamers recent email? She says she is a cutter because she used to dig for ingrown hairs in her legs too much. This is a very sensitive subject. My brother was a self-harmer for years and the scars he bears today would make you cry. I’m kind of insulted by her appropriation of something so dark and painful for so many people. Her solution to stop her “self harm” is to be conscious and train herself to not do it. Oh and laser hair removal duh! I know many people who harm themselves that would have a few things to say about her quick fix. She doesn’t touch on the real depth and scope of what it means to self harm and this is a perfect example of why she should STFU about most stuff she preaches about. This one just took it too far and pushed me over the edge and out of lurk mode. I love to pick my ingrown hairs and definitely make some boo-boo’s when I do but come on. The email just rubbed me the wrong way completely. I kind of want to respond and call her out.

    Also, OT and way late but I wanted to say thank you to every one of you who commented when I posted about my dad passing away. It was hard for me to write anything after that initial post but all of your comments and personal stories of loss touched me so deeply. I’ve been dealing with some serious pain and darkness but I often go back and reread those comments and get a lot of comfort and strength from your words.

    Still read here daily and trying to work on my wit so that one day I can join the amazing regs and not seem like a clown. Love you basement dwellers more than you know!

    • You’re not a clown, you clown.

      I don’t think there actually has to be something to pick (e.g., an ingrown hair) for one to be a compulsive skin-picker. So laser hair removal wouldn’t necessarily eliminate the urge to go digging. But as usual, the woos know best… and can afford expensive cosmetic procedures.

      • It makes me uncomfortable and advertises his mouth breather status big time. You’d think Wendy would give him a tiny bit of direction like “For fun lets change your expression for the next shot.” But nooooo.

        • And, I’m no fan of veneers but I think I’d at least brush my teeth before my glamour shots.

    • “SnarkleWolf” is one of the 10,000 nicknames I call my dog! (see also SnorgleBunny).

      Hate to disagree with someone who uses such a fine, fine name, especially in response to such a sweet comment about the support you got here. Plus, ugh I don’t want to align myself with Jena. I have not read her email and I am sure it’s smug as fuck. But, believe me, benign-sounding ingrown hair and similar picking can absolutely qualify as secret self harm that quietly eats away at corners of a life.

      • Yes absolutely agree and thank you for putting the words down that I couldn’t quite get. I did not mean to say that anything less than slashing yourself open is not self harm and that there are many people who harm themselves in different ways and degrees. I just meant the way she put it and more the way she glosses over the depth of the issue into “I fixed it immediately and I’m perfect now” is what got to me. It’s such a complicated issue I tried hard not to sound like I was diminishing the struggle of anyone who has compulsions or self harm. But alas, I should have said a bit more perhaps. SS:SF

        • It’s kind of like Julia being all, “I was totally bulimic but I did the juice cleanse and now I’m all better!”

          Glad you’re back around, SnarkleWolf the Clown Extraordinaire.

          • Yes EXACTLY Stalker. Thank you! Once again the CatPeeps say it best. My word salad almost go there…
            LOVE my new nickname, btw!!

      • I think SnarkleWolf was taking offense to Jena callously calling herself a cutter, which a well-defined term. It’s not surprising at all though, as she has no problem appropriating other races and cultures.

    • The clichéd poses remind me of a routine that Robert Klein used to do about college brochures. ” Look jaunty! The world is your oyster!”

  4. OT: Want to get “down and dirty” with Ali Shanti and still not catch an STD? Sign up for her “super edgy stuff” private newsletter now!

    I’m not known for playing it safe, and yet I’m making a choice today to do exactly that.

    I realize that some of you are here for straight-up, direct, no-nonsense business guidance and others of you are here because you really want to know what’s going on deep behind the scenes, inside the inner psyche of a single mom, million dollar business owner; you want to know the Truth.

    But, the Truth at the level I want to share it isn’t for everyone.

    So today, I’m going to play it safe. And, let you know that I have some super edgy stuff to share that I’m only going to share with those of you who really want it.

    If you do, click here to let me know — and by doing so, you are making a promise to yourself and to me that as you read my deepest, darkest truths you will hold me in love and light.

    With that commitment via your clicks, I’ll send you some emails over the coming weeks that will get down to the depths of it.

    And woah, I am seriously in it.

    In the meantime, for those of you who only or also want the straight up business guidance, I want to let you know that we will be supporting Marie Forleo’s B-School again this year with one of our biggest bonus packages yet.

    While we are putting all of that together for you, you’ll definitely want to check out Marie’s pre-launch video content. In and of itself, it could transform your business life.

    Here’s where you’ll learn the 6 pillars to using the internet to sell your products and services online.

    And, here’s where you get the 13 keys to using the internet to position yourself as the best in the world at what you do.

    Check out these videos while they are up — they get taken down in a couple weeks, so go get them now.

    If you decide to invest in B-School, be sure to wait for our big bonus announcement. It’ll be coming soon.

    Lots of transformational love from the fire,
    Ali

    PS — remember, if you want the down and dirty, use this link to let us know, but only if you promise to hold me in the highest love and light of compassion as you read what I am sharing.

    PPS — If you love what Marie is sharing in her videos, and are looking for someone with similar teachings, but with a different kind of style and more training on the tech side of things, check out Kimra Luna’s Be True Brand You course, on early bird right now.

  5. I’m going to say something shocking. Though I laugh along with the rest of you when he’s referred to as mesh shirt or the greasy (and I always pronounce it greazzzzy in my head) sex gargoyle, I actually think I’d consider him a decent looking man if I knew nothing about him. If he was playing soccer in the park or a neighborhood Dad playing with his kids in the street, I’d think he seemed pleasant looking enough. I wouldn’t run screaming, at any rate.

    However, after reading all of his bipolar rants and explicit details about his sex life, my vagina literally slams shut whenever I’m confronted with his visage like this. I cannot get the picture of him leaning over that poor woman with his erection giving her his Best Sexy Friends instruction/massage or asking unsuspecting women that age old question “may I show you?”

    Ugh, you may NOT. Nachos Bell Grande.

    • These pics definitely make him look like a regular dude on the outside.

      The inside, well, we know about that.

    • It’s funny: I’ve always thought of him as disgusting and was all ready to snark on your post. But then I took another look at this photo shoot, as if with fresh eyes, and you are absolutely right. He’s a pretty good looking man. And that black jacket/deep thought picture, rowr!

      But combined with what I know of his personality? Forget it. Gross gross gross.

      • I find him repellent in these photos. Even if I didn’t know him, I would find him repulsive. The uneven yellow teeth, overly intense gaze and large pointy nose give me a feral rat vibe. Ugh

  6. Hahaha…just heard on the radio that this is NY Fashion Week! Let us all bow our heads in a moment of silence for the loss of the fake flag mic and of endless photos of a too-full-of-herself Donkey swanning around the tents. Instead she is in some third-rate Mexican hotel reading self-help drivel and getting Zika and the shits.

  7. The JIML (she of jumping out of the Uber fame) is in the midst of a divorce and desperate to get laid. I should convince her to go on a date with Smells. She is a Poli Sci grad from the Republic of Davis, so she might go for it for name alone.

Comments are closed.