Laugh Riot Seeks “Comedy Editor”

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She's funny all right.

Does anyone know of a TOP NOTCH editor who deals well with comedy writing? Well. Comedy-esque writing, really. Tina Fey will not be concerned about her job security. PM me please!

Let us never forget these comedy gems of the past:

Let The Packing/Moving High Comedy Begin

UPDATE: Facebook “Family Circus” Moments

Julia Allison’s Life is Like A Family Circus Cartoon

149 COMMENTS

    • You wouldn’t make any money. Even if you worked slowly, drawing a red X and writing “Not funny” on every page would take no more than a an hour or two.

    • Yeah I was gonna say I am a legit person who could do this shit. Like I could totally get this gig and get paid and sell the fuck out of it to her and hang deeply with our girl. But like…I’d need a lot of helpers to come with me?Llike a coven? I could pose as a guru with handmaiden and we could like, help JA? I actually mean this …I truly think I MAY BE ABLE TO PULL THIS OFF. freaky the caps just did themselves leaving it! (sic) Like I kind of just want to go in and save her from herself I mean no matter what she has assembled people who truly care about her as a compelling person.? Is it just me?

        • You guys, no.

          I’m curious to a fault and have taken a number of gigs so f-ing weird that I dined out on the stories for years. I’m pretty done with that since hanging out with crazies tends to take a quick turn from interesting/absurd to tedious/dangerous. But Bunnies I got paid (well) for those gigs and they did not leave an indelible smear on my reputation the way that being Julia Allison’s “comedy editor” would.

          • It’s such a paradox: a capable writer/editor could help make Julia’s story hilarious. But unfortunately for Julia, that’s not at all the story that she wants the world to hear.

  1. And let’s never forget her invaluable contribution to short-form comedy: the #youknowyouliveinSF tweets!

  2. I was thinking about this while watching the show about the 600-pound people getting weight-loss surgery (which is my new show to watch now that Doctor Who is over for the year) and I came to the conclusion that she means “ghostwriter” when she says “editor”, but she doesn’t want to tip her hand to Dadsers.

    Also note: all the 600-pound people I have seen to date have more insight about their problems than does A Donkey.

    • no more doctor who until 2017. moffat quit, and capaldi’s presence is up in the air as his contract expires at the end of this season.

      personally, i think he lost the plot a bit – tried too hard; russell t. davies was such a better writer.

        • I love him so. The first season of Musketeers is worth watching just for his loveliness as Cardinal Richelieu. Also, cute young dudes in jerkins, but I’m mostly there for the Capaldi.

          Musketeers is also hilarious because once they got through the initial exposition, it turned into a cop show with swords and muskets, so Capitaine de Treville is all, “Porthos, you’re a loose cannon, but you get results. Aramis, you go undercover as a smuggler and take D’Artagnan with you for backup. Be careful out there, musketeers!”

      • Coming out of lurkdom/don’t remember last time I commented… I LOVED certain characters Moffat created but had issues with his storytelling. Capaldi blew me away this past season but I was tired of Clara almost immediately after she was introduced. I am sooooo sad that the Doctor won’t be back this year but I am intrigued by the Doctor expanding. River coming back for the Christmas special makes more sense now.

        Broadchurch? Loved season 1. Season 2 really disappointed me. If anyone wants any great recommendations I saw Top of the Lake forever ago and it recently popped up on my Netflix. Everyone should watch it!!!

        • I also recommend the BBC series “River,” the miniseries “Run” and “The Escape Artist” ( also Tennant ). “Top of the Lake” is excellent.

    • She offers b.o. scented used Coobies and a giftcard to Yandy that has like $15 left on it.

      And something along the lines of a beej.

  3. That Top Picture was a genius selection to illustrate this post. If Original Bottom Picture could be appended as an update, I would be further delighted.

      • I do remember, and the fabric of choice in my time was something called Kettle Cloth. And though I was routinely sent home to change because my Kettle Cloth wrap-skirts were too short by junior-high industry standards, there were never any pasty-belly-wrap atrocities involved. Donkey always, always needs to get sent home to change. Preferably to Chicago.

        • Was that the fabric that was printed like calico, or did it have slight vertical “wrinkles” to it? If the latter, I think we mistakenly called it seersucker back in the day.

          • No, it was a coarsely woven cotton that had a slightly nubby feel. If you remember those J. Peterman collarless shirts that were a big deal around the same time, that’s a similar fabric. Kind of a “homespun” look, though a bit smoother.

            I had a reversible kettle cloth wrap skirt that was “natural” (beige) on one side and a really cool Jacobean flower print on the other side. Though my favorite was the tiered white skirt with eyelet lace at each tier and at the hem.

      • Excuse you, that is not a seventh grade wrap skirt. It is a danseur’s skirt to go over the danseur’s very serious leotard (except when performing the used car wiggly blow-up guy moves for an important dj at an important festival) and bought exclusively at the capezio store at the mall.

    • It’s especially funny to remember the smug that went along with this event. The after-pictures draped all over Avocado with other women sitting around him, and how she looked like the cat that ate the canary.

      Little did she know her self-administered four month relationship implosion was about to take place yet again.

  4. Though Julie requested that folks PM her with TOP NOTCH editor suggestions, a handful of idiots went right ahead and named names in the comment section, including self-promoting Floridian Justine Barron. Take a look at this powerhouse’s bio and note the quotes in the lower right hand corner. Look familiar? Oh, Donkey, you two would be a match made in heaven!

    http://www.justinebarron.com/#!bio/c1j31

    • “I was cast to make the other women look good!” – Real Housewives tagline
      this was kinda funny.

      • That fake quote must be elsewhere. The fake quotes on Barron’s bio page echo Donkey’s bullshit quotes in her insufferable book proposal. Who the fuck writes a book proposal for some self-help, mass market slop with up to five footnotes per page?!?!

        • Agree that was obnoxious and unfunny that above quote was on the main page.

  5. RE: a link above, you gotta love the bullseye accuracy of commenters from four years ago. — predictable donkey is predictable & old posts are such good reads for that very reason.

    From the post about D0nk wanting to date a musician:

    Morning Muffin says:
    January 29, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Interesting article. I’m pretty sure Julia is heading down a similar path i.e. drug abuse. It will pick up in her mid-30’s as her looks deteriorate even more. This is her last shot at trying to become “famous” and she’s about to fail at that, AGAIN, and nobody can date her longer than a month. This is not going to end well, but frankly, she deserves it.

    What happened to Morning Muffin? Was MM really Kendrick? Will D0nkey snag a 3rd balding dj? Am I the only one who refuses to refer to dj’s as “musicians”?

    • Still reading the old stuff, & now I got the sadz … all those broken links to videos that are now private. Dammit, D0nkey! *sad face emoticon* I really want to re-watch video of you “new baby” gifting your agent’s toddler w/ a women’s toiletry bag that you got for free, monogramming included, & bonus points for springing it on him late evening, in his personal space, where you felt entitled to take your damn dog. THURPRITH!

      • Yeah, part of me remembers ’em as maybe being Donk, but the 1st appearance escapes me now, other than it’s when FlapJack was still trying to pry her raftass out of the home they shared,

        • Okay, so, I went back into my notes from Donkology 301 from a few years ago.

          “Morning Muffin” was an email alias widely believed to be Donk (or is it confirmed that it was Donk?) who sent threatening emails to Jacy and JP claiming that their identities were about to be outed and hinting at the eventual “Jack McCain’s Lawyer” debacle.

          The commenter named “Morning Muffin” appears to be someone who took on that username as a nod to that incident, and is not Donk.

        • And I think it was actually BEFORE it became clear to the McCains that Julia was a psychopath. It was when she was desperately trying to clean up her online reputation so that she could be a pearl-sporting senator’s daughter-in-law within months.

      • I think that was someone taking over the name in an attempt to eliminate its toxicity, like black people and the N word. Sort of.

        • Yeah, I recall MM as funny and cool, so I got MM 2.0, cray cray free! Also off topic: reading archives is bringing a sentimental tear to my eye! I love you guys!

  6. You guys, I just took my son to the hospital for the birth of my grandson. I feel like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Please send good vibes and stuff because these crazy kids are not ready for this.

    • Oh my, I had no idea. If Handbag’s middle child had just had a child I would be lying on the floor vomiting from worry. Thinking about you and yours.

      • Yeah it’s pretty much like that.

        Also while I have you, I just wanted to tell you that I got the 2nd volume of your memoirs (finally; I am a bad internet friend!) and I was CRYING LAUGHING at the part with the BeeGees and the Bill of Rights, for some reason that did it for me, my face was all tangled up and tears were coming out and I was making noises that had my little one sidling up to me and asking me pointed questions to see if I was oriented x3 or he needed to initiate the 911 protocol.

    • Thanks y’all! He’s out into the world now and now it’s up to them to figure it out I guess. My mom keeps reminding me that I didn’t cause this problem and don’t have to fix it. (I was actively preventing it, as much as a non-participant can but ……..oh well.)

      Anyway, thanks so much for the well-wishes, you may carry on with your regularly scheduled snark.

      • He’s totally chill yet alert and the mom’s labor was tv-show fast and easy (hate her!) and they’re doing the nursing thing like they’ve been rehearsing for months, so it’s good. 🙂

  7. Predictable donkey, announcing her departure, coming back a couple weeks later because she can’t function without fb. Then figures once she breaks the seal, might as well keep posting. The only funny thing about her is that she fancies herself a writer. I cut up an apple this morning but I don’t call myself a surgeon. Dumb sad donkey. I remember her talking about herself (shocker) and mentioning her knack for self-deprecating “humor” and I’m sure that’s her angle here. Unfortunately for her, to make self-deprecating humor work, one must have some redeeming qualities: self-awareness, likability, empathy for the human condition, as well as a sense of humor and understanding of irony. She possesses none of these.

  8. She really is a textbook example of one of those “Everybody gets a trophy simply for showing up” snowflakes, isn’t she?

    The problem is, every once in a while, someone throws her a cookie. Sony, Bravo, the book deal…she didn’t do anything to qualify for any of these things. And any time she’s come up short and been canned, she’s never done anything to correct the negative feedback she got. She’s never learned how to be a host or spokesperson who focuses on people other than herself. She’s never figured out how to be authentic, or to be likeable when a focus group watches her in a pilot. She had so many opportunities to be one of those pop culture broadcast Barbies and she just blew it, time after time. That would have been the perfect avenue for her to follow. She would have had mini-celebrity, she would have made decent money, and she probably would have attracted some attention from men who showered and had actual jobs.

    I’d would love to know if she’s still repped by any talent agent. Is she on any public speaking sites anymore?

    • She totally could’ve been one of those talking heads for a pop magazine or e! if she had received and listened to better advice. Her problem was that the $150k or whatever from star magazine wasn’didn’t mean anything to get bc Peter was already paying for everything. So she had no reason to work at any “stepping stone” job until she had some actual skill and experience to get the big $ jobs. Poor parenting played a major role and I’m loving that Robin and Peter get to reap the rewards every month when they pay her bills!!!

  9. If someone had told me there would be a large community (tens of thousands!) of people all inflicted with Dunning-Kruger Syndrome, I would have thought it impossible, but there you have it. This in addition to narcissism, laziness, and commitment to the grift! They really are a tribe.

  10. Clearly she’s asking for a ghostwriter – any publication she’d be submitting a piece to, whether she’s “writing” for a magazine or book publisher, will have editors. It’s the intern-hiring-an-intern escapade all over again.

    • PREDICTION: Julia Allison, who’s never had an original idea, is going to (try to) become a Youtube personality like Taryn Southern, w/ song & dance, & comedic skits, etc. Can’t ya’ll smell the FU$ ad revenue over the stench of scheme juices?

      • I think she tried that last decade. See “viral” “lip dubs” dancing in the streets and in Dylan’s Candy. They were neither viral nor lip dubs.

  11. Just a few weeks ago, she was crowdsourcing for someone to teach her how to instantly master music theory & performance. She is desperately trying to come up with a plan that doesn’t involve work.

  12. It’s this whole ‘top notch,’ thing that keeps bugging me. First, that’s something a girl in high school would say, but second that she think she’s earned to right to work with anyone in any field meeting that qualification shows she’s never earned anything in her life. Any one who has worked hard and their way through a field would, should and has run from her. How is she still not getting this? No one truly ‘top notch’ would ever work with a bottom feeding parasite like her.

  13. Bets that Donkey has no idea who Paul Kantner was, or that he lived in Marin.

    Fuck you, Donkey. Too bad we could not trade you in.

    • You shouldn’t be allowed to live in SF if you don’t know. You shouldn’t be allowed at any “edgy” “OMG only in SF”music festival of you don’t know. You shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “hippie” if you don’t know.

      Donkey doesn’t know.

      • I highly doubt she even knows of Jefferson Airplane. Culturally Illiterate Donkey Is Culturally Illiterate.

        • P.S.: this recalls for me, much like Never the Bride’s reference to 7th-grade wrap skirts recalled Kettle Cloth in earlier comments, that I OMG ATTENDED ALTAMONT, maybe a year or two after I had cast aside Kettle Cloth wrap-skirts in favor baby-wale corduroy jeans. My mid-thirties (now mid-eighties) mom loved the idea of FREE CONCERT, so off we went, totally under-prepared. It was a huge, filthy, dusty hike from the parking area, but luckily a soldier boy (literally a boy, maybe 18) on leave (from…? Training?) squired us to the site, and there was A VERY BAD VIBE, and I think he squired us fairly quickly out, but I do think we heard/saw some Airplane sets before we retreated. I don’t remember any actual specific details except that my baby-wale cords and square-toed navy boots were RUINT by the experience. The End.

        • I was obsessed when China Slick Kantner was on Mtv, one of the few times nepotism was acceptable.

        • That’s why it’s so ridiculous that a useless twit like Donkey thinks it’s so edgy and hippie to wear a polyester maxi dress and a teenybopper nose ring and go to Burning Man. She was literally born yesterday.

      • Try not to think of dies, just changes. If only you can believe like I believe, we’ll get by. If only you can believe in miracles…

        • whoa. I just had one of those weird things where I was like THAT WAS JEFFERSON STARSHIP?

          I was seriously old before I found out the band name for Steely Dan too. Just all Q95 classic rock music to me.

          • HELLO HOOSIERS!

            For me, Q95 was the radio station that I only really listened to at the pool in the summer.

            Do you guys remember Bob & Tom just being the morning drive guys in Indy? (Ugh I hate “Indy.”) Bob just retired, apparently. And at some point they got all syndicated and shit.

            When I go home and drive my parents’ older cars (meaning without Bluetooth or anything), I listen to 92.3 from Bloomington.

          • I watched the Eagles documentary on Netflix and was amazed at how many songs were by the Eagles. I had no idea, I guess because they were all sung by different leads? I also grew up in the 80s so it was news to me that Glenn Frey and Don Henley were ever in a band together and that band was called the Eagles. I thought they were solo artists.

      • just died …

        The day they knocked down the palais
        My sister stood and cried.
        The day they knocked down the palais
        Part of my childhood died, just died.

  14. OK but WITH SOFTNESS y’all really have to admit that her ecstatic dancing is the most hilarious thing in the universe

    namaste

    • Her ecstatic dancing is the most *hysterical* thing in the universe.

      I mean this in two ways.

  15. The Kinks!! Donks thinks she’s some sort of Alice In Wonderland. But if you Go Ask Donks…Methinks she for certain Does Not Know. She will Never know. Plus, for her, Ignorance Is Hubris. Don’t Do Anything At All, Donks… Nothin’ At All. Not At All.

    That’s Stall, Folks. Donks, we’ll be lookin for you in yon larger space. Brayage Daydream.

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