Updated: Donkey Youngman: Take My Marina Apartment, Please!

What a fucking broken record. Just how desperate is Donk?

I have a gorgeous top floor 2 bedroom Marina apartment on Beach Street available March 15th … it’s heavenly and quiet and beautiful and a rare gem in SF – and I will miss it (I’m moving into a bigger home near nature in Marin or the East Bay at some point this year). I got my place from a friend, and I want to keep it in the family. This home won’t even go on the market (and if you check on Zillow or Craigslist – there are literally ZERO places in the Marina area available). Devin and I put in new chandeliers, dimmers, curtains, california-closetized it, really customized the joint. wink emoticon So let me know if you’re interested. Fair warning: it’s pricey … but welcome to SF. (We pay $4700 but expect it to rise to something like $5500 or $6k. It IS rent controlled – thus, I can’t just switch the lease over – or I would!)

PS. There will be another unit available in my building in 8 months … a two bedroom with office. The family there bought a place and is moving out. So if you want to gather a bunch of friends and move in here, this is the place to do it!

A bigger home in Marin, Donkey? With four bedrooms and Devin? wink emoticon

Update: Donkey Dangerfield, who has left FB for the next few months, needs your help re: her new stand-up routine:

Does anyone know of a TOP NOTCH editor who deals well with comedy writing? Well. Comedy-esque writing, really. Tina Fey will not be concerned about her job security. PM me please!

Bottom Fan in the ‘Stan: David Kram, Entrepreneur. CEO, EMRLD (Premium Marijuana Delivery Startup). Co-Star, Reality TV Show on ABC Family, who responds to every turd Donkey dumps!

173 COMMENTS

  1. She throws out the name “Devin” like everyone should know her life and lovah but never mentions BOOK.

  2. ss, sf for re-posting post in last thread, but I have QUESTIONS, Dammit!

    LOL she’s moving to a larger home . . . somewhere . . . sometime . . .

    Oh please Julia. This is I’m MOVING TO LA!!!! All over again.

    So does this confirm that her lease is not up, she’s just ordered to vacate (due to illegal Airbnb) and she is responsible for the remainder of the lease $$ unless she finds an adequate replacement?

    Also, I thought she needed to go by, like, 2 weeks ago?

    I’m confused about everything but her obvious lying.

    • Yeah I don’t understand her insistence on “keeping it in the family”? What does it mean? Why not just vacate like a normal fucking person? Someone plz to help me understand.

      • Because she wants to couch surf there in the future. She is hoping someone she knows will rent it so she can con them into letting her stay there whenever she wants.

      • “the family” is how the woos refer to each other. Like, “the Rainbow Family” is how the hippies that go to Rainbow gatherings (burning man precursers) call themselves. So referring to “the family” means she wants another stinky hippie Gafni-lover to move in. I pity the landlord.

    • I’d suspect she had to move out and still has to pay until she can find a new tenant unless the owner does first (which, why would he be motivated if it’s vacant and PAID for)? Funny, none of her ‘friends’ ask why she’s moving, it’s not like she has to be closer to work hahahah!

      • Given her peer group, they’re probably used to people they know moving mysteriously and know better not to ask.
        Knowing that the person you’re conning got kicked out of their place for failure to pay rent (or whatever) is such a buzzkill.

    • Seriously! So many questions!

      Why did she do so much work on a rental? Does SF not cap how much the rent can increase in a controlled unit between tenants? Does she understand how Zillow works and that there are 11 available 2 beds in the Marina right now?

      (I’m tired of my neighborhood and tentatively apartment hunting in SF right now, so this is equal parts life advice and trying to suss out the donkey’s lies.)

    • LEGALESE: ‘… 2 bedroom Marina apartment on Beach Street available March 15th […] (I’m moving into a bigger home near nature in Marin or the East Bay at some point this year).’`

      TRANSBRAYTION: Two months make-ready needed to air out the stall & buff hoofmarks out of the parquet floors; Mom$er may cash out her portfolio & move D0nk out of the omg downtown condo at some point this year.

    • She may already be gone. She originally said she had to be out in mid January. So either the landlord gave her an extension until March, or she is already out, and March is when the owner will be ready to re-rent it.

      She says the place won’t be advertised, so it sounds like they want to try word of mouth. Sounds to me like she is trying to stay in the good graces of the landlord by getting another FOAF tenant for them, and increase her chances of future couch-surfing.

      • Yeah, I’m thinking that they gave her the option of fighting a formal eviction (which she knew she would lose because they had tons of proof of her airbnbing it all over the place) or cash for keys and she took cash for keys and then probably negotiated/begged for an extra 60 days.

        If she’s leaving on bad terms (which, she is), no WAY are they going to accept a recommendation from her for another tenant! It is to laugh. She is just trying to spin this like it was all her idea in the first place, which it wasn’t. Remember how panicked she was in December?

        Can’t wait to see her “large home in Marin” lol. If she ends up in anything close to that, it is going to be skeevy woo sex commune poly STD den situation. My guess is Momsers will yank the bridle donkey bridle back to Chicago condo & set her up with some balding tubby money management adviser, son of social circled Powerful Mom, before things devolve fully into woo commune situation.

        • we always think, “This is the last straw! THIS is what will make them shake some sense into her!” and (spoiler) it never is.

          • It never will be. They’re enablers. Or they’d rather shell out in order that she live far far away so she doesn’t interfere in their active seniors lifestyle.

        • If she’s leaving on bad terms (which, she is), no WAY are they going to accept a recommendation from her for another tenant!

          But wasn’t the landlord a friend of Meaghan Marks and not local? I think what she is trying to do is find someone they all know and not rent to strangers. She says they aren’t going to advertise it, so maybe the idea is to rent it to other FOAFs, and that is what she means by keeping it in the family. Those may have been the exact words Meaghan used when Donkey found this place by crowdsourcing a few years ago.

          • Honestly, they’d probably be better off renting to strangers than to take a chance on yet another woo or woo adjacent person (such as JA).

        • Darn! She’s just a decade short of being able to join the San Rafael “Family” of Winifred Wright. They could have tried to out narcissist each other.

  3. Sorry to O/T so early on the thread, but I need to know…is anyone else a Hamilton fan? I’ve already annoyed all my friends and family by babbling about it non-stop (ahaha) so I’m not allowed to talk about it to them anymore.

    • I had the good fortune to see it a few months ago. It may stand as one of the greatest theater-going experiences I will ever have in my life. Lin-Manuel Miranda is a national treasure.

      • YES AGREE. LMM is unbelievable. I pity the person who will have to take the role of Hamilton after him! Naturally I am also obsessed with Daveed Diggs (because damn) and Leslie Odom Jr )(actual angel). And both Renee Elise Goldsberry and Philippa Soo are perfect. *works self into tizzy*

        • Small world: Daveed was in the video that JA’s love interest from Miss Advised made (the one she fell on the floor about). Google “yoga boner” for more.

    • Missed it at the Public, reluctant to pay so much money for it, but man, the soundtrack is really fun to listen to.

      I saw Les Mis last Friday and the theater is next to Hamilton and the SCREAMS when people came out the stage door got me all riled up to go see it all over again.

      • Yes the soundtrack is EVERYTHING. I listened to the sadder songs on repeat for a few days so I would grow immune to them, and I STILL tear up sometimes when I hear them again. And I also always laugh at the funny parts. It’s just a complete emotional experience…worth the $$ for those who haven’t gotten it yet.

        Definitely go when you can! A new block of tickets is opening up very soon I think.

        • I cannot become immune to Eliza’s part in “Who Lives…” no matter how hard I try. Have to control the welling every time.

    • gimme, I am similarly obsessed. it’s so good. the cast is incredible and damn, Lin-Manuel Miranda can get it. I am sad I will probably never get to see it live.

      I totally just added “I’m lookin for a mind at work” to my OKCupid profile haha.

      • WORK, WORK. I saw it live (a friend is a HUGE theatre buff and saw it when it opened at the Public, then forced me to get tickets before it was as big as it is now, and I owe her forever) and I absolutely loved it, but I will say this–I think you can get…maybe 75% of the experience just by listening to the album. The music is where it’s at.

        Also it’s going on tour. And it may play forever like Phantom or Lion King, so there is hope! Thanks for indulging me.

        • wow. I went to see Bruce Willis in MISERY down the street (don’t laugh — a friend invited me and it was actually fun) and there were crowds waiting/trying to get in to see Hamilton. On a rainy cold night in January. Impressive to see, actually.
          Congratulations to everyone who got to see it.

          • i liked the spinning stage. bruce willis forgot his lines like 8x ?. laurie metcalf was so damn good though, making up for bruce’s mediocrity.

          • He was fine when I went but yeah, Laurie Metcalfe — thank goodness for her!
            Audience full of Bruce Willis fan bros, which I thought was sort of touching. They were very well behaved.

    • Haven’t seen it yet, but up on the news. I watch the #ham4ham on Youtube, and there’s also a playlist of the recording. Javier Munoz plays Hamilton 1x/week.

      They just announced a national tour (story in the NY Times) and Chicago is going to get a production. At this rate, it’ll probably be easier to go to Chicago to see it…

    • It’s coming to Chicago, for an open run, in the fall I think. I’ve been listening to the soundtrack in preparation. I CAN NOT wait. I could make a stupid “Wait for It” joke now, but I will control myself.

      Lin-Manual Miranda is a joy. I’m so excited for what he’ll come up with next.

  4. De-lurking to say that her “I want to keep it in the family” line is all spin. My guess is that she’s either liable for the rent for any period the place is unoccupied before the new tenants move in, or she didn’t get approval for her “customizations” and she needs the new tenants to gush about them so they don’t get listed as damage.

    Classic Julia move: talk others into doing favors for you and spin it as a huge favor you’re doing them. Shameless when it comes to banking those brownie points. THIS IS HOW TO FRIEND.

    • Who the fuck cares whether or not a friend rents their flat? She’s clearly desperate and doesn’t want to be liable for all of the unauthorized renovations that she and the healing chef made before paradise imploded. Doesn’t this asswipe understand the terms of an apartment lease?

      • Mr. H and I own 25 acres in the country plus a cabin he built, and we’ve rented it for the past two years to the person who wanted to live there + credit check. Nothing could be more personal than a house build by hand on family land, but we treat it like a business anyway. Because it IS.

    • Well of course it’s a spin, but my thought is that it’s a spin to cover that she is responsible for the lease $$ on the existing lease unless she finds suitable replacement tenants. Because she done got tossed for illegal Airbnb.

      If her lease was just up, or if the owner was selling the place or something, no onus would be on her to find new tenants. Her attempts to find new lessees just tells me she’s going to be left holding the bag if no one else steps up.

      • I’d be mighty surprised if the FoaF owner even remotely wants D0nkey’s “help” — pretty sure that’s D0nk stroking D0nk’s ego, as if she has an audience not comprised primarily of purchased Fans in the ‘Stans &/or RBD regs.

        The calls are coming from inside the stall.

      • I’m surprised her landlord would want anyone she recommends in there. I’d just kick her out and be done with it, especially in a hot rental market. I would want the best tenants in there and not Donkey 2.0.

        • Ditto. I once had a tenant “customize” some cabinets and it was a major pain in the ass and I charged them $800 in repair fees from their deposit to calk all the holes.

          I’d take her referrals as warnings of who NOT to rent to.

          • I’d be willing to bet that Donkey and Devin were not at all careful when installing those “customizations” either. There’s probably gouges in the drywall and damage to the electrical all over the place. Also, did they hang on to the original fixtures and light switches? If not, there’s an addition expense to replace them.

        • Love how she spun it like “Devin and I” are moving out now… no mention that he dumped her and that she’s been splitting the place with some random roommate and STILL had to airbnb her half in order to scrape together enough fundage to make rent!

  5. She expects the rent to rise to $6k – so will she be pocketing the difference of $1300 until her lease is really over? Scheming donkey be scheming.

    • I thought that too, probably to offset the changes she made. Code: Not getting any deposits back.

    • There is no lease in SF after the first year. It goes month to month. I can’t think of any scenario where she is able to pocket anything.

      I really doubt the changes she made amounted to much $. Closet organization and dimmers would be a plus that a landlord would not mind. Many people would want to customize their light fixtures in a high end rental like that so this is also not unusual. We have all seen the apartment and none of those things she mentioned stood out in the pictures. I hate chandeliers, so that would actually be a minus for me, but not a deal breaker.

      • That’s kind of crazy. So once your year is up, you’re in constant danger of losing your apartment every month?

        • If you get yourself in their sights, you could be under constant threat of receiving a 30 or 60-day notice. Or if they really don’t like you , they may go straight for the 3-day notice.

        • SJS: theoretically, but there are a lot of protections in place for tenants so that landlords can’t easily screw them over.

          Google San Franciso landlord tenant laws for more details.

    • Don’t look at me, I don’t know either.

      I think she is saying she wants to sublet the apartment that costs $4700 for $6000, because Donkey.

      And what is the fuckery is that shit about the apartment “staying in the family”? What family? The landlord’s?

      The part about moving to a bigger house, whose location is at this time unknown, is pathetically laughable.

      We all know her only real choice is the Willmette Assisted Living Facility.

  6. Oh, Donkey. Don’t ever change!!

    Julia Allison
    January 2 at 8:36pm · San Francisco, CA ·
    Hibernation Mode: I will be off of Facebook for the next few months to focus on creative projects.

    Julia Allison
    January 26 · San Francisco, CA ·
    I have a gorgeous top floor 2 bedroom Marina apartment on Beach Street available March 15th …

    A few months, a few weeks. Why? Do you even care? Don’t? You have bills to pay?

    • Her “creative project” was figuring out how to weasel out of her lease agreement with out forking over the cash.

  7. Makes no sense unless she’s on the hook for it, but why would she be? I guess the landlord is increasing the rent and she can’t afford it, but why would she have to find tenants? And who cares about her renovations to a rental? I do wonder if Devi. Is somehow liable.mwhy mention him?

    Here’s my OT–a PSA for New Yorkers: there is a Thai restaurant on St. Marks called Klomg that has a happy hour until 10 PM on weekdays. $3 drinks off all varieties and the food is good. Best deal in Manhattan. You’re welcome.

      • a great name, too, because it’s Thai for “canal” or “waterway,” and they are such an interesting part of visiting Thailand. Lined with houses on stilts, bustling with water taxis and floating markets and floating restaurants. If you hadn’t made the typo, I wouldn’t have had that nice little daydream, so thanks.

      • Right? How they can afford to run that happy hour, I have no idea. Maybe they get a lot of post-10 PM business? It is the East Village.

    • I’m familiar with that place from my Manhattan days. They get the bulk of their business from delivery, so that’s a smart move to actually get people into the restaurant.

      • I thought that might be the case as deliveries were going fast and furious out the door. But that Happy Hour is more like Happy Day. God bless.

  8. Hahaha dumb ass Donkey is a dumbass. It’s so hard for these idiots to use plain ole english, “sublet my place right the fuck now please because I’m getting kicked out and don’t want to pay out the landlord!!!”

      • Poor Lilly.

        Also: says it was listed 82 days ago … when did it come to light that Dnk’s AirBray&Bray’ing days were over?

    • Maybe another stall in her building– her stupid self-help posters were on darker wood cabinets and a stainless steel fridge.

      Greg I hate knowing this.

      • Agree re: fridge & kitchen counters are syn stone (I think) but it occured to me those photos may be old. Wh’d do that, though? A lazy listing agent might — it looks so much more spacious tan w/ all of Donk’s shoddy shit, that’s for sure.

        • Nah, I think that’s a different, larger opening into the brkfst nook than Casa Assa has.

  9. I hate quasi-defending the Donkey, but my lease converted to a month to month lease after one year and I live in a professionally managed building. I think most of my friends are the same way.

    When my friend moved from her one bedroom in a very central neighborhood she posted something very similar because we all know friend and friends of friends who are looking. The market is so tight here that even if I’m not aware of someone looking I will re-post on facebook so my wider group of friends see. We always post if it’s rent controlled not because we can guarantee the rent but because it helps the new renters understand what their yearly increase will be like.

    The rest of the play, who knows. I changed light fixtures and painted/wallpapered stuff along the way. My landlord inspects every unit every year, they have even helped install some of the light fixtures. I think they are happy to take the upgrade and use them to increase the rent for the next person who rents.

  10. SF has rent-controlled 2 bd apartments at $4700- $6000/month? (income requirements??) A cohabitating couple was allowed to rent a rent-controlled apt with an extra bedroom? I live in NYC and this sounds crazy to me.

    • Rent control covers most tenants in SF. It basically only gives some additional protection against eviction without cause and sets firm limits on rent increases for current tenants. When a tenant leaves, the unit can go back on the market at whatever rate the landlord wants. The next tenants might be paying $1-2k more per month than the last, but as long as they stay put the landlord won’t be able to raise their rent over the established limit.

  11. I don’t think it’s a sublet, I’m pretty sure they gave her the heave ho for breaking the terms of her lease by having illegal sublets/airbnbs. Remember she was all panicked in December about “unexpectedly” having to move and find a new place? I bet the initial arrangement was she had to be out by end of Jan, but somehow she negotiated and they let her stay till March 1st. So, Donkey is out and her lease is terminated (either by eviction or they gave her cash for keys and she agreed to go without a fight). Most likely they threatened formal eviction, but she bargained for cash for keys and extra 60 days.

    Hence the rent will go up for the new tenant. imo she’s getting kicked out BUT she is trying to spin it like she’s leaving on her own terms and trying to be all magnanimous and powerful, fronting that it’s really her decision and “choosing to keep the place in the family.”

    If she’s actually getting kicked out for illegal subletting and airbnbing it, no way in hell they are going to take into consideration her friends as the new renters!

  12. This whole situation makes no sense. San Francisco is, like Sir Lurksalot says, a rent control city. Leases on rent-controlled apartments go month-to-month after the first year, so there’s no “X months left” on a lease that she needs to account for. Also, in my building in San Francisco someone was caught AirBnBing and the landlord was able to evict with 30 days notice, so I don’t think the AirBnB eviction theory fits.

    My own theory: she’s lonely, she doesn’t fit in with the SF in-crowd, and she’s broke despite her AirBnB profits. She’s not woo enough for the woo crowd, and the tech crowd is obsessed with youth and achievement, of which she has neither. “Successful” women her own age have director-level roles at big-name firms, husbands, kids, and mortgages (or, as is her preference, husbands with incomes so large as to obviate the need for the wife to have a job). She has cheap chandeliers in a rented apartment, her grandma’s old nighties, and a list of hook-ups who don’t reply when she texts.

    She’s moving because the voices inside her head are telling her she doesn’t fit in, won’t find a partner, and isn’t a good candidate for any job with a salary she imagines suits her. She’s right.

    • Nice theory, but it assumes that JuLiar is suddenly capable of rational, mature thought. It also ignores the fact that she pulled her AirBnB listing at Thanksgiving and described her move as “unexpected” back in December. At the very least, there was an AirBnB crackdown, which meant she could no longer afford her rent.

      • Oh I don’t think she had a moment of mature insight–it was more like “I’m sad/lonely/don’t have a boyfriend! SF is bad! I should move!” I don’t think she has perspective, but could discern that the city was not a good fit.

        • If so, cue the negging on SF in 3, 2, 1. Just like she turned on NYC once she could no longer afford a decent place.

          • JFA: (As if the Presidio, Crissy Field and PFA weren’t all practically right at her door, and Golden Gate Park a short bus or cab ride away. What kind of ‘nature’ is she looking for?)

          • “closer to nature” = Dadsers has cut me back to $400 a month so I need to find a room in a suburban house with 5 roommates

    • I’m on Team AirBray&Bray Eviction, w/ the notion that landlord may have been accommodating to the extent that mid-January, after the holibrays, was in their own best interest (assuming a vacate date prior to that may have resulted in idle down time that the property wasn’t income-producing & make-ready contractors weren’t available, etc) — a shrewd landlord’s going to avoid cutting off their own nose, (or in this case, Dad$er’s cash flow) to spite their face.

      Donk’s spin on this, that she’s somehow involved in procurement of the future tenants, quite possibly might be for Dad$er’s benefit (her pleading her case on Fecebook makes it more “real” to her, just like repeating the same lie over & over until she herself believes it too) — he might not even hear about the illegal subletting eviction until if & when it’s on the court docket (hey,a girl can wish ::fingers crossed emoticon::)

      • Regardless of the impetus, haven’t we heard here that practically no one reads her facebook? So what would her advertisement accomplish, anyway?

    • This is a great assessment of her state.
      She’s still adrift at 35.
      Tick, tock.

      ****should be “WillmetteSnot” btw

    • I’m also convinced that (one of the reasons) she wants to move to Marin is because Jordan Reid wants to relocate to Marin in a few years.

  13. How does someone without a job or any prospects pay 4700.00 a month??? If her dad, is paying for this…then he is officially crazy. Also why is she still mentioning Devon in announcement to get rid of her place…who cares who made the supposed improvements???

      • Paying likely more than half. Can’t you hear her telling that poor soul that it’s privilege living with her and she should pay more? Also, she airbnb’d, presumably once a month, to offset the costs. Live within your (or your father’s) means donkey.

    • I’m sure Dadser is on that lease. Julia and Devin both would have been unemployed when trying to rent those expensive digs – The Healing Cook, anyone? – and there’s no way a landlord would have approved their application.

      VIMEO DELETED

      • Well she should feel terrible not contributing financially and living in a place that is so expensive. If she cannot afford to pay rent, then she needs to take something much more affordable.

        • You say that as if Donkey is able (or willing) to make clear eyed, well thought out decisions about her financial future. LOL. Nope, Donkey always jumps in with both feet and assumes that the next big score is right around the corner.

        • You haterz forget…she and Devin were totally going to buy a 4 BR in the Marina

          She is 35 and cannot lease a car or apartment succethfully!

          • In her defense, she really needed the extra space for the personal assistant * who was going to help with all her philanthropic endeavors.

            *with the option to become CEO

      • I still kind of like Debbie. He seems okay and personable and the evidence is there that he can both chop orange peppers from several angles AND carefully examine every filet of whatever whitefish that is. I did lol @ how he talks about traumatizing soggy green bean memories only to reveal a panful of soggy green beans. Julie obvs made him pin up/point out her stupid pink pen school paper note which is emblematic of that whole mess. Rip Devin.

    • Four *THOUSAND* seven hundred dollars *A MONTH*.

      For a fucking *APARTMENT*.

      Holy fuck, I cannot even. Rent a place in San Rafael for *HALF* that price, and you could buy a fucking Tesla to autonomously take you into the city every day. Why the ever loving fuck do you need to be pissing five thousand dollars down the drain every single month.

      • We spent a week in San Rafael this summer, and it was gorgeous. A beautiful place, at least where we were.

      • It makes perfect sense if (a) it was on daddy’s dime and (b) it gave her more opportunities for extra AirBnB cash. She cheated Dadsers, basically.

      • These days she would be hard pressed to find a place in San Rafael at half the price, unless it was in the Canal. Novato, maybe (which she mentioned, and I had infinite LOLs, as I can’t imagine what kind of scene she would try to fit in with there). But point taken – a ridiculous amount of money for Dadsers to spend.

      • She had a roommate for the last year-plus, presumably because Pettifogger was sick of paying for the whole apt.

        Still, yeah. She is a millstone around her parents’ necks.

  14. Honestly can’t wait for her “bigger home near nature in Marin or the East Bay.”

    Predictions:

    1. She doesn’t hang with mid-level techies, just the rich/semi-famous/trendy types. The kind that aren’t in desperate need of roommates and probably mostly think of her as a novelty enjoyable only in teeny doses when they’re drunk or high. And I bet she’s already burned a lot of those bridges given her twin tendencies to flirt with taken wallets and semi-forcefully extract luxury-related favors whenever she sees the opportunity. So if she’s expecting to find another high-end roomshare, it’ll have to be with the woo elite, trust fund woos or randos.

    2. I can totally see her nonconsensually Rainbow-izing her new roomies’ public spaces almost immediately. And then demanding lower rent in exchange for her “improvements.” And then demanding compensation when sage ash stains end up on the all-white furniture she’s parked all over their house.

    3. I hope the new roomies are interested in becoming “patrons of the arts,” because there’s no way Julia’s lifestyle is any kind of sustainable and her financial obligations to others will be the first to go. Imagine if she had to choose between going to Burning Man with an RV full of tutus in tow and paying rent for September. Phoreseeable as phuck.

    4. I’ve been making space for a profound shift in the universal paradigm — in that I have a sense that Julia’s going to make another half-assed attempt at coach/guru-dom. Can’t wait to watch her try to charge $100-200/hr to talk her clients through writing out their intentions on rainbow construction paper.

    • Marin County and East Bay would also require she own a vehicle. Did Dadsers have to buy out Nehi’s share of the car, or did Nehi need it for commuting to her job? Everyone knows Donkey is not going to be content with a low mileage used Honda or Toyota. Will Dadsers spring for another luxury car lease?

    • Here’s my prediction: She’s scheming to make her “bigger” home closer to “nature” the center of her woo life-coach operations in addition to her home. Potentially also even charging other people to host “transformational” events there.

      • Wouldn’t she have to find an angel investor to fund her new digs and tired coaching scam? Yoo hoo, Dave!

        It’s been such a long time since Donkey has had a legit job that I can’t imagine her pulling off anything that would require actual work. Hell, she couldn’t even finish some lousy self-help book that should have written itself.

      • Remember when Donkey tried to get Mare-Mare to rent a “live work” space with her for NonSociety? I wonder if she’s trying to pull that type of scheme here. Getting others to cover the rent on a shared home by claiming that they are going to make so much money working out of that share?

  15. From what other commenters are saying the SF rental laws are far stricter than anywhere I’ve lived (not surprising since where I live the housing market is pretty much the wild, wild west). Still, I’m convinced that this renter search is to get out of some thing. Like she owes money to her landlord for something and thinks that if she finds a renter she can be all “I found a renter! Let’s call it even!” and her landlord will be all “Uh, no. I can find my own renters. Hand over the $$.”

    • That’s what’s so strange about this “keeping it in the family” thing–does she think the renter has any say in who lives there next? But then again, why isn’t it going to be listed. She lives in one weird world.

    • The landlord may owe fines to the city due to Donkey’s illegal renting. The landlord may be threatening to take those fees out of her deposit. Donkey might be offering to get a renter as a way to mitigate what she owes the landlord.

      Pure speculation. But I do know the county fines the scofflaw Airbnb landlords and it is not cheap.

  16. NOT what we mean when we say: ‘the jokes write themselves’ …

    Julia Allison 30 mins · San Francisco, CA · Does anyone know of a TOP NOTCH editor who deals well with comedy writing? Well. Comedy-esque writing, really. Tina Fey will not be concerned about her job security. PM me please!

      • The least funny person I have ever known. She fits right in with the humorless woos and probably won’t be opening for Jerry Seinfeld anytime soon.

        • Remember when she (unsolicited, natch), was shilling for John Mulaney’s sitcom? That show was so very unfunny, btw — as a standup comedian, he’s freaking hilarious, but as the lead in a scripted show, not even.

          Anyhoo, if any of these semi-famous people whose names she drops were actually known to her, couldn’t she pick up a ph & make a personal call? Rhetorical question. She is not writing comedy sketches now that she’s gotten music theory conquered — she’s pretending for Dad$er’s benefit that she has irons in the fire.

          Just wire the fund$ already, Petey ol’ boy.

        • What are y’all even going on about? Julia Allison is a HYSTERICAL (sic) writer. You can tell by all the smiley faces and LOLs in her book proposal.

    • Does anyone remember when she was taking the improv class (that she dropped almost instantly)? So many spins of the scheme butter churn since then.

      • Yes – I thought this, too. Original premise for BOOK (following my disastrous appearance on Miss Assface, I finally found love and HAPPINESS with Derpin) is clearly dead, so now it’s going to be some sort of comedy of errors?

    • TOP NOTCH EDITOR SOUGHT TO WORK WITH TALENTLESS HACK.

      MUST BE WILLING TO WORK AROUND SCHEDULE INVOLVING TOP NOTCH MUSIC INSTRUCTOR FAST-TRACK TEACHING TALENTLESS HACK OVERARCHING MUSIC THEORY AND MUTIPLE INSTRUMENTS SIMULTANEOUSLY.

      BACKGROUND IN ALCHEMY AND CRAFTING SILK HANDBAGS FROM PIG PARTS HELPFUL.

      • OH, GRIFTY, THAT WAS MARVELOUS! JUST WAIT TIL DONKEY TRIES TO HIRE YOU FOR YOUR TOP NOTCH COMEDIC WRITING ABILITY! HOLD OUT FOR THE BIG BUCKS AND MAKE SURE SHE PAYS YOU BEFORE YOU WRITE ONE FUCKING WORD!

    • She is just fishing for “Oh, goddess Rainbow, you are already so funny you don’t need to work with an editor!”

      • She doesn’t even do the twitter hashtag games, not that it’s a requirement , but it does require quick thinking & wit. She truly puts no effort into anything, wants ‘top notch’ but offers nothing. She’d end up blaming the ‘top notcher’ for not making her funny but she has no natural talent or ability. Marriage is truly her only option. She should 1000% focus on that.

  17. So if you apply you are TOP NOTCH and not that funny? Where’s LaPhlegm? Isn’t she a hardy har har or something like that?

  18. She lacks any originality which automatically makes her unfunny. #Next

  19. Also, that top pic of Julie is so whitewashed / soft focused / shopped that it reminds me of Monika de Myer’s (yes, that Monika de Myer) work. Is that who took that shot?

    • This is a relatively recent fauxto, long after the days of Monika de Myer, yes, the Monika de Myer who once shot a photo series in which Donkey looked as though she were starring in a Mario Bava 1960s horror film. That Monika de Myer!

  20. The only way she can salvage BOOK is to hire a ghostwriter. She wastes $10,000 on dumber shit than that every six months, so I don’t think it’s the money, it’s the ego.

    • The hilarious — CUT, don’t use that — hysterical thing is that she has already posted the end of BOOK and various portions of BOOK on faceBOOK and it is an amazing harble jarble of semi-academic bullshit entirely unrelated to the original premise of said BOOK. How many glittered thumbs and index fingers have we seen pointing to underlined segments of, again, semi-academic “tomes” (LOL) on happiness? The whole of what she posted on fb re the project was so disjointed that I truly feel for her editor.

      Sorry to bring up a sore subject, Grammarian, but BOOK is dead, ya’all.

Comments are closed.