Julia Allison Is On Sabbatical From Social Media. Honest.

How’s that book coming along Donkey? And your myriad of other “creative projects”?

Bottom Fan in the ‘Stan: Yunus Emre Dağlıoğlu!

271 COMMENTS

  1. Well, BOOK has already been set aside to stroke “Magic” Johnson’s ego, might as well make a long weekend out of it.
    I wonder if she would receive messages if sent on Twitter?

  2. Maybe tweeting empty sayings IS the creative project? She used the plural because she considers each effort its own art.

  3. OT- but since we have a number of card-carrying members of the grammarati here

    does anyone else here have their own short list of words that, no matter how many times you are corrected, you nonetheless continue to misspell them because deep down in your mind you really believe it SHOULD be spelled that way?

    I am a repeat offender with the word ‘renovation’, which I always spell as ‘renovation’, because dagnammit, that’s they way it ought to be!

    • o hai

      “renovation” — best movie ever made, “the women,” when divorce was a big deal, the glamorpus quick trip to reno for a brief residency requirement and a severing of the bonds of marriage was called “renovation,” so there’s that.

      here

      http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/the-reno-cure-for-valentines-gone-wrong-divorce/

      http://themotionpictures.net/2013/02/07/favorite-things-about-the-women-1939/

      full cowboy drag
      http://themotionpictures.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/women3.jpg?w=750

      • Ugh. It’s my spelling kryptonite. And restaurant, which I always want to be restaraunt.

      • For some reason I always type “chariman” for “chairman.” I know how to spell it but my fingers don’t do it instinctively. Not the same thing, I know.

        I sing “F-R-I-E-N-D special, you’re my friend, you’re special to me!” from Mr. Rogers whenever I type the word friend.

        • Mr. Rogers is perfection. Anything that causes one to sing one of his lovely songs is a gift from heaven.

        • I was taught that a friend is one to the END as a spelling tool as a child.

        • I do the EXACT same thing with the word “because”. My fingers get tangled and I almost always type it as “becasue”. It’s one of my only (and most persistent) pure typos.

          And I always have to look up the spelling of “diarrhea”. I want to spell it basically any way other than how it’s correctly spelled.

          • My repeated typo is the word “result”. All too often I have incorrectly typed it as “reslut”…. which is a problem because i worked in the complaints/resolution unit of a large, very well known national govt department.

            Thank god (and thank puff) I think I caught all the typos when I was replying to Govt Ministers and Members of Parliament and it was only our internal computer records where I made the mistakes…permanent, unable-to-be-edited mistakes!

            P.S. I wonder how does one actually “reslut”?
            I bet SK3B could tell me.

    • graphic desinger, which was never a typo on my resume, why do you ask?
      (“I like to singa! about the pica and the type-a and the print-a!”)

    • I work in corporate law and my fingers frequently insist on typing out “coprorate” and “coproration,” especially when I’m fatigued. I figure it’s my subconscious telling me my career is crap.

    • I got tossed from an 5th grade spelling bee over “receipt.” Since then, every time I need to write it out I have to go over it in my head first, which includes a trip back to that stage at my elementary school.

      • My spelling bee fail was 2nd grade … all I had to do was correctly spell what the kid before me had misspelled … “etc” … I couldn’t stop myself from parroting “ect”. Couldn’t do it to save my life.

        • 2nd grade for me was “cot”. I kept spelling it “kot”. I was 1st in the class, could spell all the hard words, but that one kept getting me for months!

    • In English, my kryptonite is “strength” for some reason. And “strengthen” of course. That’s not to mention the English words I legit don’t KNOW how to spell.

      • You just made me remember “rhythm.” I just typed it wrong right now! I think you get a pass though, Helena; your English is amazing.

        I have a French friend who always writes “off course” for “of course” and I find it charming – I don’t have the heart to correct him even though I know he would want me to.

        • Thanks for the kind compliment! I too have several dear native-English-speaker-friends who tend not to correct me even though I specifically tell them I want them to.

          “Rhythm” is kind of uneasy to me, too. In my own language, the equivalent to “strength” in terms of my inability to get it right the first time is the word “čtvrtek,” meaning “Thursday.” It’s something about those clusters of consonants.

        • a friend born and raised in the us has immigrant parents; her malapropisms and broken metaphors are adorbs

  4. Let’s hope the “cocks she loves” will pay the rent because her “inhering genius” is unable to.

  5. OMG you guys, I was sitting here watching the democratic debates and the first video question was none other than fabulous catlady chescaleigh! So excited for her, hope she continues to rock!

  6. I’m digging the fans in the ‘Stan’s feature. Today’s is kind of a hottie? Or have I just been reading here too long?

  7. Newsflash:

    Majiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii announced that he was “getting off Facebook for a while to focus my energy on CREATION!”.

    Twenty minutes later, he updated his profile picture.

    He seems to have cut off A LOT of hair.

      • Oh gross this reminds me of Jules’ braying about her sexay times with Derp Derp on the nasty rug in front of their (non-working? I forget) fireplace. Vom. Nachos.

    • In the words of Boz Scaggs: “Danger! There’s a breakdown dead ahead.”

      I believe Craig left FB too after his dismissal as babysitter.

    • Is it a thing now to leave Facebook to work on creative projects and then get back on all stealth like and hope no one notices?

      • This is probably true, in which case, good for him. I know he appears to have anger issues, and he should work on that eventually, but I generally support his never-ing Shanti and the woo.

        Also, if he’s shaving to look for a job, chances are that job is not in the music biz. And I also support Majiii Jedii never-ing a career in music. So, good all around.

        • I don’t know that it isn’t legitimate anger. It’s possible that he woke up and realized that she was using him for his (and his family’s) money and all he got was a bad case of crabs. I’d be pretty pissed, too.

  8. Especially amusing that she hasn’t Tweeted anything for months – such a social media maven, she is – and then she pops up today, during her sabbatical? She can’t help herself, can she?

      • Transbraytion of her deep thought: “I am bitter because my years-long quest for fame and celebrity via ‘lifecasting’ fell flat. So I resent anyone else who has actually made it work and will now put down the entire idea.”

  9. “The best reality show is…reality.”

    THANK YOU, Donkey, for realizing what RBD has been saying for YEARS about your life! You are the bizarre reality show that keeps on giving. Keep on keeping on with your “inhering” genius!

  10. The best reality show is obvs the early seasons of Top Chef. She’s such a a god damn piece of shit.

  11. Notice the time stamp on 1st tweet … 10:47 in the a.m. … is D0nk on Braylite Savings Time because she’s not allowed to sleep ’til 4:00 p.m. under Mom$er’s watchful eye?

  12. OT She’s gotta be pissed she got evicted right before the Super Bowl. That would have been some good walking around money. Feel the burn, Donkey.

      • The Super Bowl is at a ‘neutral’ location each year, unlike other sports championships. This year is at the new 49ers Stadium.

          • Sorry, should have been more specific, hosting city with lost airbnb fraudulent income. Which oddly, may make it more difficult to find a place to live this time of year making Chicago much more realistic. But Donkey doesn’t live in reality despite her tweet.

        • Curious whether that might have been a motivating factor for the landlord’s timing in kicking out a Donkey. Assuming that Donkey would have taken advantage of this opportunity to cash in on the rental.

          Still would have been held by the SF rules, which would have meant she would not have been able to charge exorbitant rates for that time frame. I am wondering if the landlord would be able to charge what he/she wants, though, if he/she actually owns the place.

          • It’s possible it’s a two birds one stone kind of thing. He found proof she was illegally subletting and he knew he could ask whatever he wanted during that time frame since he’s the actual owner.
            Bottom line, she’s a hose beast who illegally sublet.

  13. OT: Do any of you have veneers? Have an opinion on them? I’m thinking about getting four to fix up my jack o lantern. I’ve was reading a poll where they asked women what the first thing they looked at when they meet a man, and teeth was by far #1. I suspect this is an ancient test of mate healthiness. They only drawback besides the cost I see is having to wear a night guard forever.

    • (contd) I went to an orthodontist, and they wanted an obscene amount of money to a) remove a tooth b) move my teeth into a fucked up spread-out position and c) have to wear a retainer forever. I would still have to get cosmetic work on top of that. So, no thanks.

      I just want to fix a big ol gap and sand off some really jagged edges I’ve created from grinding.

      • I have one veneer on one front tooth from a bike accident when I was 8; I am 44 and this is my third veneer on the tooth. They don’t last forever, but I’m happy with it – last time I had it replaced the dentist even had me go to the guy who made it so he could see me in person and really match the color to the rest of my teeth.

        I’m personally really into teeth, but I don’t mind if they are weird – I just don’t like really discolored ones. That said, I got mine bleached once and I will never do it again. It felt like my teeth were pumice stones for about 3-4 days, it was creepy.

    • I have a cosmetic crown on my weird vampire fang and it has lasted me 25 years, though the dentist only promised 10.

      You can totally get teeth evened out with filing and bonding at less of an investment in terms of both time and money than with veneers, if you want to look into that option as well.

        • Also, I meant to mention bonding. Which is not always ideal for people who grind, but less invasive than veneers in many cases.

      • Vampire fang is where I have a crown too, for around the same amount of time. An orthodontist yanked my baby tooth and pulled down my adult tooth (killing the root). Would not recommend.
        I just ordered dental glue online again ( had to do this last year too) when it popped off and just jammed that sucker back up in there.

    • My teef were quite discolored from my parents taking me to an orthodontist who left my braces on for like 2 years too long.

      When I moved to New York, and got a few snide comments about them from guys, I pulled a total Julia and guilted them into paying to get the top ones fixed. This was about eight years ago. They still look good – one smart thing was that the dentist didn’t go to bright, so it’s a natural look.

      Still have to get the bottom ones done; not sure who I will make pay for that. (KIDDING).

    • I personally like teeth with a little character. Gaps, small chips, unevenness, big front teeth. So, if your teeth don’t look exactly like a toothpaste box, don’t stress. I don’t know your particular grill, but someone might find it endearing or even kinda hot. That said, you do you.

        • I thought I shared this feeling with no one. Every time someone I know or an actor or musician shows up with what look like dentures, I mourn the original, normal teeth. We’ve reached a point where no part of our bodies can look human.

          • I suspect we’re heading into an era where all the surgeries and procedures and enhancements that people buy for the sake of beauty will be seen for what they really are: fake. And the quirks and oddities that make us less than perfect will be seen as true beauty.

          • @NotRandom — as someone who works on the periphery of the fashion/celebrity industry, I think we’re there now. I know that when casting directors want “real faces” they come to NYC, where people have less work done and still look “ethnic” (ie, like their grandparents).

            I find the whole FOX News, everybody looks the same (men and women) kind of creepy.

    • Oooh boy someone I know just got chicklet veneers and IMHOP they are creepy as hell. They are so big that they don’t fit in the person’s mouth so the bottom half of their face looks all stretched out and Joker-ey. ( I think they also had some injections while they were at it and yes the whole effect is very JA and very unfortunate!) Clean them, whiten them but please don’t get a whole set of fake teeth!

    • No veneers, but unless your teeth make you completely unkissable, I’m pretty sure nobody cares that much. Think of it as a test to weed out the shallow ones! Easier than getting all MRA on the poor women, amirite?

      The grinding, I do that. You can get a mouth guard at the Dollar Tree, in the toothbrush section (sometimes they run out but it’s a thing they carry), it’s something like Plackers Grind No More. I usually stock up and buy 5 or so at a time. They are supposed to last for 3 nights (sometimes I stretch it out a bit). They help the grinding which in turn helps me get a better night’s sleep.

      Also, I don’t look at teeth first, I look at eyes for kindness, humor, and intelligence. Veneers won’t help anyone pass that test.

    • Dentist here. The orthodontist may have wanted to move teeth if you have rather large spacing, tilting, or uneven alignment of teeth. Veneers can cover up these issues, but only if they are slight to moderate in severity. Veneers can give a really wonderful esthetic result, and aren’t incredibly invasive (only the enamel is prepped). However, just like any restoration, you can get decay under them in the future. I would go to your general dentist and have them have a “wax up” made at a lab so you can see what veneers would look like on a model of your teeth. If they recommend orthodontics, it most likely is to obtain the best result, but without seeing your teeth, couldn’t tell you for sure. Hope that helped!

      • thanks for the comment. I trust my dentist, been with him for years. ive got an evaluation appointment coming up with him. I took a pic of my teeth, see below. I think the pic makes them look more offset than they are. I have no bite problems.

      • as the mom of a kid with braces right now, it looks like a cross bite, where the top and bottom jaws aren’t aligning — braces to correct that, then sand off the edges

        cross bites cause breaks and chips because the top is hitting the bottom

        i am guessing no responsible dentist would deal w veneers until the bite is fixed — things would just keep chipping and breaking

        my kid got an estimate of 2 years and 6k, and it’s looking like that will be accurate

      • I don’t think they’re bad at all! Of course what’s important is how you feel about them. The cast is a great idea. But I would think if you get veneers and keep grinding they would be damaged.

        I have similar teeth on the bottom – a little crowded.

        • yeah the orthodontist wanted to remove one on the bottom. I just can’t stomach that. the big thing for me is I dont part my lips to smile because I hate seeing photos with my teeth showing. I would like that confidence.

          • You can find an ortho who doesn’t want to remove teeth. It is better to adjust the arch. I got braces in my 50s and it was the best thing I ever did. I had TMJ so bad my jaw would lock open. Correcting your bite is really important and then afterward, you might be surprised at how much less cosmetic touch up you will think you need. You can look into those Invisalign braces, they don’t even show.

          • Dental person here as well (not a dentist). I don’t think you need any extractions! Not from what I can see- definitely get a second opinion on that. Have you ever heard of Invisalign? It’s those clear plastic trays that you wear for 2-3 weeks and then change out for new ones that will align your teeth a little more than the ones before- yes, it’s kind of like Mental Dental’s 6 month smiles or whatever TF mess that was but this system actually works and takes between 1-2 years (moving teeth any quicker than that is doomed to fail). It costs $5500 at our office but I’m in BC, Canada which might make a difference. Anyway, if you were ours, we would definitely do Invisalign first, and *then* veneers (just the 4 central upper teeth, about $1000 per tooth, again Canadian fees)- like Idle said, it’s minimally invasive and you would have a phenomenal result! At our office we guarantee this 100% because we are awesome.

          • IS- agreed! Our office is about the same pricing as well. We’re about an hour outside of NYC, so prices climb a lot as you get closer (I’m guessing this is similar to any big city)

      • I’d do ya. If you didn’t refer to me as a female. And I was single. And etc. But those teeth are faaaaaaaaaaar from the worst I’ve ever seen.

      • Hey KS. Veneers definitely could close those spaces. Just know that to close the spaces, they will have to make the teeth wider, which may cause them to look an odd proportion. I would definitely have a wax up completed, and if you don’t like how wide they may look, I would then look in to ortho. I have a case with a patient with similar spacing like you. We have her in Invisalign right now and it’s really looking great.

        • JFAing myself to say your bottom anterior teeth don’t appear to be extremely crowded. If you do Invisalign or Clear Correct, spacing would be created between your teeth by slightly reducing the enamel in between certain areas. That way your teeth can be repositioned and crowding reduced. My bottom teeth looked about the same as yours from this angle when I started mine, and they are looking a lot more straight now. If you have any questions, I’ll be here! My only internet sabbatical is when I’m at that three letter word Julia has never held a day in her life.

      • your teeth are fine. i wouldn’t do anything. they look shiny and clean (white, within non-creepy limits) and that’s what really matters. They look pretty straight too. if they’re healthy, don’t get veneers. expensive and possibly a pain in the ass

        • Know what you’re getting into with those veneers ($1200 per tooth for me). They grind your teeth down before they put them on, so there’s no turning back. If you’re really bothered about your smile, that Invisalign sounds like a good thing to try.

          If you do go the veneer route, in addition to the great advice from the real dentists/pros above about seeing the model of your own mouth first, do see if there are before-and-afters from your actual dentist that you can see. Some people come out looking like chipmunks from a chop shop. Changes their whole face, and not in a good way.

          I am happy with my veneers but wish I had understood more clearly that they’d probably have to be redone, maybe more than once, in my lifetime.

          Good luck (you have a nice smile, but only you know if you can feel good about it).

  14. Has anyone seen the new Showtime show Billions? I ask because in the commercial Damian Lewis’ character says “What’s the point of having fuck you money if you never say fuck you?”
    Poor Donkey! She never got to say fuck you!

    • I just passed on that one & started THE AFFAIR instead. Been streaming the crap out of Showtime subscription stuff during a free week trial. NURSE JACKIE is great; loved THE WIRE; WEB THERAPY is freaking hilarious. My mind is mush now — I know I liked the movie ST VINCENT but I already forgot the plot.

      • I LOVE Web Therapy. There was a glorious moment last spring I think, when both Web Therapy and The Comeback were on the air. Lisa Kudrow is talented and hilarious.

        • Web Therapy is brilliant! Laughed so hard (particularly at Lily Tomlin’s guest appearances) thought I was going to choke on my tongue.

          • I love Web Therapy and the Comeback so hard. And I love Lisa Kudrow. I watched an episode of the Comeback with my dad once and he said, “OK, yeah, she’s funny, but she’s the same all the time.” Uh NOT AT ALL AKSHULLY.

  15. Quitting huh.

    1-2 days ago, a girl I went to school with (who is a well known, very successful designer now) posted something -one of the first comments was you know who in ALL CAPS fawning over her and I quote “YES YES YES YES THIS” – I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. In between impossibly chic, intelligent, well spoken others with totally appropriate comments. She, like always, sticks out like a sore, swollen, desperate, expired thumb.

    • This literally (literally!) never ceases to amaze me. She thinks / pretends she is a writer, right? How can she NOT see the difference between herself and people who actually HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY and know a bit about using words and stuff? This happens over and over and over again.

        • In this case, I sincerely wondered about said poster and thought “Oh shit! Do they actually know and like her?” That thought lasted for about two seconds and then I remembered she’s one of those people who thinks posting on people’s walls will make it look like she’s friends with them even though she doesn’t know them. Or, in her case, she’s so nutzoids she actually thinks she *IS* friends with them.

          • She would crush Donks soul with one stare out of half an eyeball & is everything Donk wants, successful, self made rich/married rich, bunch of kids (all girls), multiple homes and friends in high places.

  16. I can’t wait to see the end product of the scheming and spinning that is most certainly going on right now. Just about every time she’s gone offline in the past has signaled the end of a relationship and the emergence of some spin on said relationship’s end. I guess this time she’s broken up with / been dumped by I LOVE YOU RAIN *and* BOOK WHERE IS BOOK. The set-up to the spin is already there in the form of her new profile shots on fb; whatever it is will almost certainly be a departure from the woo based upon those photos alone. I have no great guesses — DO YOU CATLADEES? But I’m keeping my popcorn and franzia close.

    • The cray that is usually revealed once she gets back online is always more cray than I expect. So now, for instance, I suspect she has moved back to Chicago and is being supported by the parentals. What will likely be revealed is that she has been actively campaigning to be the next Bachelorette, while hectoring PhutureEx into publicly identifying her as his girlfriend, while googling if Trump has an eligible son, badgering Steven Grossman to get her a gig as Chief Love Commentator on TV, harassing RVV to get his wife to put her in an Ep of Girls, rebound sexing Majjjiiiiiii, and generally doing nothing that resembles work.

      • Just re-read. Still too tame. As the self-proclaimed embodiment of love, she’s probably building on past successes – Caeli and Phrain – by breaking up a marriage? Tony Robbins?

        I don’t know. I just love the surprise when her scheme-tastic secrets all come spilling out and I realise she is the greatest reality show on earth.

      • Let her please be the next Bachelorette and also be allowed to choose her suitors…Rain, Devin, Avocado, Greasy, Jess, Ellsberg, a trained dolphin, and 20 of her best friends fromRBD.

        • She is too expired, I know (friend of friend) of one of the casting agents. She’d have to be famous (like real famous, not just in her own mind). It be so much more fun to watch her compete with other women on the Bachelor (but again too expired).

    • You angry bitches are so cynical. She’s probably living in Malaysia for 6 months, per her book proposal. I’m sure we’ll read all about it when her book is published by St Martin’s in the spring.

      • Sadly, likely falls on deaf ears.

        The prerequisite for being a permanently stunted special snowflake is a knee jerk “lalalala i can’t hear you” to anything that doesn’t confirm your world -the world- (because they’re really the same thing, right) is a perfect happy place that requires nothing more from you than finger painting and off key caterwauling.

  17. OT, a little: could some kind soul with a more advanced degree in Donkology direct me toward the post about Donk’s asshole commentary (or whatever it was) about how she can hardly connect to Little Brother because she’s such an adorable free spirit and he’s a boring fool who’s only lived in two cities? There were also some deeply thought-provoking “questions” like “how do YOU go beyond small talk when talking to your close relatives you have known your entire life?” I think she posted it on the occasion of Little Brother’s birthday because she’s nice like that.

    Something reminded me of this today and I’d like to read it again but I failed at searching archives. The “birthday” tag only brought me to licked cakes.

      • He’s in Chicago, and likely will be for life … and me? I don’t foresee ever going back there for anything other than the occasional visit and a few weeks in the summer.

        I think she’s back there now, working in the museum gift shoppe where she dodges FB friend requests from cow-orkers. Probably.

        • I think I would kind of like to work in a museum gift shoppe (although disclaimer: I never worked in a shoppe of any kind, so what the hell do I know). But, yeah.

      • I posted a link to this a couple weeks ago because I had done some memory-lane-walking myself. I posted it because I was so horrified by what she had said about her brother, and then the subsequent visit to Chicago where she intimidated that poor family into running @ 5K in freezing weather along the lake, wearing those stupid T-shirts she made with the picture of her nephew that looked like North Korean propaganda. CWAA!

      • Thank you, AWO! I just spent about an hour reading that post (it was worse than I remembered) and several of the following posts (the “5k” thing that Grifty mentions below). CWAA indeed!!

    • Tried to help. No bueno. Found this (YES YES YES YES THIS) & LOL’d.

      Here’s another tip. I was just talking to my friend who is an editor of a big magazine for which Julia did some tiny 200-word freelance thing years and years ago (when my friend was not yet affiliated with the mag). Apparently, Donks showed up at a shmancy new restaurant that had recently been reviewed favorably by the magazine, with an entourage of 10 people, demanding that their visit be comped because she was a “contributing writer” for said magazine. Same ol’ Washington Post shit, 10 years later. The restaurant turned her down and called the editor of the magazine instead, asking wtf. My editor friend was mortified and said that they would never do such a thing, and that if anyone does that again they should call her.

      https://rebloggingdonk.com/2012/06/27/codename-donkey-miss-advised-sneak-peeks/

      • I remember that, during the time of Miss Advised filming, she swanned into a restaurant in the Marina in San Francisco and demanded a seat (this was long before she lived there, of course), and when she was told that there would be a long wait for dinner, she responded by saying, “Don’t you know who I AM?”

        What happened is that she got called out on doing this on one of the comment boards, I think it was on Gawker, because someone posting there overheard her and commented about it. And she responded to this comment that oops, yeah, she may have done this.

        Makes you wonder how many hundreds of times she pulled this shit and got away with it.

      • We were so funny back then. I miss JFA and embedded gifs. SIGH.

        Also CDB! Where are you CDB? and flatface and bitchface and the Garys and all of everyone.

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