Updated: Elvira Presents: The Julia Allison Airport Craymas Show & Shill

xmaswhorer

I have a firm stance on dressing in full on holiday gear if you’re traveling the week before Christmas. wink emoticon Makes all the attendant delays more fun.

Headed home to Chicago.

(PS. I bought these wicked Xmas tree leggings fromTipsyElves.com)travelling to Chicago, Illinoisfrom San Francisco International Airport (SFO).

Like her Krampus FB profile fauxto, Donkey received only one comment re: the above horror show. Craig Handley, an “entrepreneur, speaker, musician, & life enthusiast” residing in York, Maine and probably close friends with Telexfree Antofagasta and Puspito Vito Oo Negroho, shared a fauxto. (Craig is in the brown onesie, standing next to long dead character actor Edward Andrews.)

drunkiedonkpals

so fing classy

Update: More crazy-Aunt-Baby-Jane-Hudson-on-the-loose-in-the-airport fauxtos!

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357 COMMENTS

  1. Why does someone with such an unfortunate-looking lower body insist on calling attention to it in the worst way possible?

    Why do people go out of the house and into public places wearing tights as outerwear that leave little to the imagination?

    Why does this hosebeast insist on coloring her wedding ring finger a different color?

    When does one finally realize that one is no longer a teenager and it is time to grow out of attention-whoring?

    I hope they pick her up at O’Hare in an ambulance and take her right to 5150 land.

    • “Then, in a happy calm, she inspected her finger nails of so thick and glistening a red that it seemed as she but recently had completed tearing an ox apart with her naked hands.” –Dorothy Parker

    • Just to answer from a PERSONAL level, I wear crazy leggings out and about
      ( 7.99 from the store down the street in trippy patterns) … when I am working for days on end on writing projects and Just. Don’t. Care. (I always wear a long sweater and my butt is not an issue since I am a buttless wonder). I don’t care what other people wear, in fact crazy leggings on big butted ladies makes me happy, it’s a key part of that NYC flavor that I love. Within 50 feet of my house my rapidly gentrifying ‘hood looks like Pinterest puked on Madewell, but I’d MUCH rather see crazy leggings on a fun person than ‘tasteful’ grey cashmere sweatpants on some humorless norm core gentrifier. It’s not what one wears, it’s the tryhard ME ME ME vibe that’s the bummer.
      TL;DR: Dawn Davenports of the world represent!

      • I actually don’t even have a problem with the crazy leggings. I don’t even care that they’re cheap, TBH, because crazy leggings are such a fad item that I would look askance at anyone who pays big bucks for them.

        I DO have a problem with
        – the hair bow; outrageously juvenile on anyone with a double digit age
        – what looks to be a cheap acrylic sweater
        – the gaudy, look-at-me color combo (save that shit for SantaCon)
        – the boots, which aside from being dated, are also really unsuitable for the weather Chicago is currently having (damp and occasionally raining). Those Uggs are going to be nasty if she wears them outside.

  2. What is her obsession with laying on the airport floor? Is she always that late no seats are available? And why cover her grinch with the sausage hoof? And lastly, I hate patterns that don’t line up at the seams.

      • Hahah Noooo, I can’t almost kill AQ Nancy Drew.
        Also see: Steals (not Christmas)
        But useless men named after an element of nature, money from illegal sublet plus the above mentioned.

        Sidenote: Feel better!

    • She keeps foregrounding her grinch, er, vagina in fauxto after fauxto. It’s worrisome!

      • Last post the “webbing,” now this, perhaps a reverse Caitlyn Jenner? But more than likely, it’s just purchasing cheap products two sizes too small.
        She’s that person how “has to have something new,” all the time opposed to ever buying quality.

        • You do know that idiotic statements like this just recruit more trolls to RBD like RTU.

          Stop being the Donald Trump of RBD.

          • While bumming around Reddit yesterday I came across a subreddit for people who are ‘Serial’ truthers. They were crazy vitriolic and had screen caps of where they had planted spies inside the OTHER Serial truthers’ group and oh how they laughed at how ‘pathetic’ the opposition was. It got weirder and weirder until I reached a thread where they were turning Beatles lyrics into songs about Hae Min Lee’s death (from the perspective of ‘unrepentant sociopathic murderer Adnan Syed’).

            I recognized that my confusion and mild disgust at the subreddit must be what randoms must experience when they come across our little dark basement corner of the web.

          • Reddit is a terrifying place. Yesterday on the front page was a huge circle jerk (I know, how unusual) about how it’s not fair to make a schoolteacher take down her cute pink Christmas tree because everyone loves Christmas and only a weirdo would have a problem with Christmas all up in the schools.

            People were chiming in all “I’m X religion and I love Christmas” and everyone else going “SEEEEE, nobody minds!”

    • i was going to reserve judgement, but yes, she IS one of those annoying people that sits in the middle of the floor and spreads their stuff out so that it’s impossible to get around quickly.

  3. I thought the previous leggings might have been from TipsyElves based on a quick Google of “neon Fair Isle leggings women,” but they are $11 and I thought “There is no no way Donkey is going to wear unflattering $11 leggings to a Tony Robbins tent revival where there might be wallets” but I have misoverestimated her yet again.

    Patterns didn’t match on those, either.

    I am in bed with a virus right now and I am literally dressed more presentably than A Donkey (leggings that fit and were not $11, topped by a long sweater that fits). Send help. Send nachos.

      • I have met Craig Handley, weirdly enough. He is a nice man with a wife and three or four kids. He has made a bunch of money in infomercials and also has some kind of rock band.

        • OH MY GOD! Then what is he doing posting drinkie fauxto responses to a learning disabled donkey?

          • He was probably at the Tony Robbins thing? It seems like something he would do based on my extensive knowledge of him (meeting him once).

            If Julie somehow gets hooked up into the Southern Maine marketing business and woo community, I might have all kinds of inside gossip. I don’t see it happening, though, because all those people actually work.

          • We at Fox believe “Julie Albertson in Maine” could be a real fish-out-of-water runaway success, something along the level of “Alf” and just think of all the tie-ins!

          • I had to Google who he was because I all could think of was Jack Handy from SNL posts.
            FYI even after Goggle still not sure who CH is .

          • I don’t think he’s well-known. I just happened to meet him because a friend’s sweetheart is a big deal in the Southern Maine business scene, and his name stuck in my mind because of the Jack Handey connection.

            Julie would SO not fit in in Maine. Holy shit.

        • I thought Craig actually looked like a cool guy, based on that photo. Fat fat funny middle aged dude drankin’ with pals at the bar IS the look to make the ironic Xmas onesie great. Self absorbed plastic faced lady trying to to make TRAVEL!!! FUN!!!! by PARADING!! in COSTUMES!! in front of STRANGERS!! Not so much.

  4. Headed home to Chicago.

    To explain to Peter how being the living embodiment of love requires a lot more dough from the bank of mom and dad.

    • I hadn’t even noticed! A trio of tacky drunks. Long gone are the days when Alexander Marquardt would post comments to Julia. Oh wait, he never did. Just banged her on somebody’s couch until former friends complained. Forever classy.

    • I’m watching it too!

      I watched this movie over and over on HBO when I was a kid, studying and trying to decipher the wealth of information about sex.

    • Which version? The 1960s or the 1980s? I’ve seen neither and “Old Raunch” comes from a Russ Meyer film. “That old raunch is a sick character. He’s not blowing the whistle on any broad under 50!”

      • Wow, talk about a film that delivered way more than I expected. I mean wtf, an actually thoughtful scifi film with subversive feminist subtext? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. Every actor in that cast was flawless. Vikander and Isaac are gonna be HUGE.

        • I’ve watched that dance scene at least once a week since I saw the film in August. In fact, I think I will watch it now.

        • I just saw Star Wars, and dare I say it, but I have a schoolgirl crush on Oscar Isaac now. So dashing and charming!

          • He’s such a good actor, or so uncanny or something, that I watched Inside Llewelyn Davis (in which he’s perfect) and had no idea the actor in Star Wars was the same guy. He seemed like a different person, physically.

          • I remember watching Mulholland Drive back in the day when Naomi Watts wasn’t a huge star. Couldn’t believe that she was the actress behind both characters in that movie. Didn’t believe it until I saw the credits roll.

    • I was just about to ask the same question! I hope TSA selected her for a second round of screening after she fucking POSED FOR A PHOTO while passing through the metal detector. CWAA.

    • WHO INDEED?

      ALSO, HOW THE FUCK IS THERE NO LINE AT THE AIRPORT THIS CLOSE TO KEYRISTMAS?

      I’ve flown out of Oakland on a plebian tuesday and there was people. They probably made her use the “special needs” one, because that’s a service dog, right? fucking cunt.

      • it might be super early in the day, maybe? I just flew out of SFO and was on the first flight out the gate and the line for security was very small.

    • But she art directed a fauxtoshoot in an airport (updates bio). PS I was coming here to say the same thing. People LOVE during holiday busy travel during the work week getting held up in line for a jobless, homeless, fashionless women to stop and take multiple pictures.

    • WAIT WAIT – take a photo of me walking through the detector.

      WAIT WAIT – take a photo of me sitting on the floor.

      WAIT WAIT –

      And those are just the ones that made the cut.

    • Who the FUCK takes a picture of themselves walking through security???!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Getting through security is about being calm, quick, friendly, and mature/professional/law-abiding so TSA doesn’t alert.
      SHE IS NONE OF THOSE THINGS. Jesus fuck I hope I never run into her at the airport.

        • I don’t, but I’m not surprised. God, every time I go through security, I get so neurotic about being THAT person that I will shoo other people in front of me if I’m taking awhile. Imagine running late for your flight, you’ve got a bunch of kids in tow, and this asshole is instagramming her goddamned elderly dog in security.

        • If I’d have been in line behind her, there, without a doubt, would have been a justified physical assault.

      • My question too. Worth repeating:

        Who takes vanity pictures at airport security? Who goes along with this???

        WTF.

        • What does she tell people? She’s taking these for her upcoming book? She’s a fashion (hahahah) /travel personality? She needs these to update Facebook page (the least appropriate choice of social media mediums) Her fans in the stands demand it? Regardless, it proves she is without shame.

  5. I am glad to see Lily is still alive. I had thought that, since we hadn’t really seen her lately and Julia’s been all over the place, perhaps she had passed.

    I’m guessing the roommate is going home for the holidays with Julia again this year? Typical teenager thought process: “They can’t yell at me if I have a friend here for a buffer!”

    • Does anyone over 30 call going back to their parent’s house “home”? Shouldn’t home be where she’s paying rent and building up her position in society? *snort*

      • In my thirties I used to say I was going home for a holiday, but I meant my home state, not my mother’s house. If I’d been referring to the dwelling in which I was staying when I got there, it would have meant I grew up in a Holiday Inn Express at the edge of a sad midwestern city.

    • Don’t be silly. When Lily passes we will be treated to an online epic emotional breakdown to end all emotional breakdowns. It will make the Granny hee-hawing seem like a brief boo-hoo. And she will conveniently fail to mention all the ways she’s mistreated and neglected the poor old dog for much of her life.

      • She’ll play Bach, lots of Bach, weeks and weeks of Bach while suffering for the ages because no one has ever lost a pet before.

        • To be fair, Julia’s display of sobbing arabesques will be nothing compared to my own operatic quest for vengeance, as the streets run with blood, should my own doglet ever pass. Luckily, he has agreed to never die.

    • Yes, Nehi is with her to deflect any difficult conversations.

      See? Julia even outsources her family drama to taskrabbits. I wonder if Nehi knows she is just being used.

      • No, Nehi is a textbook case of Stockholm Syndrome.

        She won’t notice anything for a while, then the sisterectomy will come.

        I feel kinda sorry for her because she doesn’t seem to be too much of an a-hole, like other Donkey followers (Yes, I mean you, SK3B).

        • I do wonder if Nehi’s friends and/or family haven’t caught on and warned her. Donkey’s narcissism and user qualities are very transparent.

          • If Grape really is going home for the holibrays with Jules this year, color me SO CONFUSED as to why she is not raging mad over Donks’ Air BNB exploits resulting in them losing their apt. I just don’t get it. I’d be throwing a fit and staying at home packing.

          • Yes, you guys are likely correct re lying liar who always lies. Is Grape just dim, then? I thought I read somewhere that she has a decent jerb, but Lord knows many decent jerb-havers are also dim.

          • She has to be dim to remain friends with Donkey at such close proximity. It’s not exactly hard to see through her veneer after a short while in her presence and adding up two and two.

          • She does have a decent jerb, yes. She seems to have been raised in a very traditional family, so maybe the Bogglers’ struggleWASP Xmas shenanigans are of anthropological interest to her?

    • She couldn’t Airbnb Lilly a doggysitter this time. Not being able to Airbnb anymore must really cramp her style.

      • She’s been supplementing her lifestyle with AirBnB money for a few years now, and it is going to be a shock to go without that. She’ll probably try to find a new place to move that doesn’t have the “do not sublet” in the lease. Good luck with that, now that the cat’s out of the bag about AirBnB in most places.

        Her other scheme would be for Dadsers to spring for a place for her to live, keep it in his name, and allow her to AirBnB it whenever she wants to. I know that some have said they don’t see Dadsers doing this for her, but what alternatives do they really have for housing a Donkey? At least if it is in a desirable place he can consider it an investment property. They could let her do this with the Chicago condo, but I think she will be able to sweet talk him out of that. She really doesn’t want to move back there.

    • Ha! She is a NEET except for the “young person” part. Now she’s just an unemployable 35 year old adult with zero work experience and a personality to match. NEET have hope (if their conditions improve); she is pretty hopeless as it is.

      • I see it used on imageboards like 4chan to describe manvirgins in their 20s and 30s that have no desire to ever get a job. They share tips on how to get on welfare so they can live at home with their parents, watching anime and porn all day and never leaving the house. The ultimate drain on society, they contribute nothing of value. They hate women because for some reason, women are not attracted to them.

        I suppose one positive aspect of Joobles Alberton is that she is privately financed.

    • Had to look it up. Wiki says the term previously used was Status Zero, which I think is perfect for our lil Donkey.

  6. She’s wearing a fucking bow in her hair. And the same horrible mall sweater boots I used to see on sailor-mouthed teens milling about the local dive bars in South Philly whenever an Eagles game was on. Usually paired with skinny jeans, an Eagles jersey, black eyeliner all around the eye, and flatironed, blonde-streaked black hair.

    Julia is not the only one merging her two identities. I notice that sometimes she tries to yoke WASP and burner together in the same outfit, with a thin veneer of basic bitch layered over it all

    • She had the bow in her hair for the security photo, but notice in the pic of her sitting on the ground, the bow is also on the ground next to her bag? Bet she put it back in her hair before she boarded the flight. Gross airport floor germs all in her gross fried unwashed pelts. Hork.

        • Yep, she’s got all kinds of useless shit there. I can only imagine the sighs and eyerolls from people stuck behind her as she gathers up her trashy bullshit and stuffs them into cheap tote bags.

          I’m feeling salty today I guess. I don’t feel like working but I have to and it’s fiddly debugging shit that makes me feel dumb.

          why can’t I just instagram myself all day long and fake being fashionable rich and smart instead of this GODDAM REAL LIFE shit. ARGH.

          /ragefart

        • i am with you but as a cat lady friend it is also awesome to note what pushes each of us over the edge on any given day. THE BOW.

          • self-JFA to add: long ago, pre expiration, the wanna be celebrity delusion was masked along with a thin veneer of basic bitch by a thin veneer of attractive, from a distance, on a foggy day, but not close enough to smell or actually experience.

            that is all long gone.

          • The bow puts Donkey firmly in Baby Jane territory. Having seen her in public numerous times, I’m sure she brayed her way through TSA as Nehi shot faxuto after fauxto and Julie thought she was too adorable for words.

        • Because Christmas. Christmas is red and green. Red and green things, red and green things. BOW – RED – check. Pants? Green? Dadsers’ courds are back at “home” so, LEGGINGS – GREEN – check. Red now, SWEATER – RED – check. Nails? red and green and red and green but wait, HOLIDAY – SILVER! Silver for the holidays. Red and green and red and green, with a touch of silver, no – TINSEL! Aww, me. Ready to go!

        • The bow kills me. It’s this exact style of toddler bow that I refuse to put in my 2 year old’s hair because it looks so stupid. I don’t normally subscribe to the “Julia is touched” theory (I just think she is a deadly cocktail of extreme narcissism and laziness) but the bow makes me question everything.

    • ‘WASP and burner together in the same outfit, with a thin veneer of basic bitch layered over it all” That IS the LOOK!

    • Serious question here, which is sad because I am an occasional freelance fashion writer. Where does wearing leggings with a long, tunic-length sweater fall, under the Leggings Are Not Pants law? I love a long sweater over leggings and tall boots. Am I in violation? I’ll keep doing it, but I have always been unclear on the answer.

      To clarify – all nether regions completely covered.

      • I love it. The not-pants rule kicks in when the top ends at the waist so the leggings are being asked to do pant duty. Leggings under a tunic or long sweater puts them into tights territory, which is perfectly fine.

        I have actually seen someone wearing tights with no covering shirt so the butt seam showed in sharp relief to the white panties underneath. That is a NO.

      • If a sweater or jacket covers your butt it’s fine otherwise NOPE.

      • Thanks, all! I’m surprised. I sort of expected a scolding. I am thoroughly over 30, have excellent legs and an ass that is somewhere on the non-existent to unremarkable spectrum, depending on my weight. I probably don’t always pass the fingertip rule, but… nearly…?

    • Ha! I made a long uncivilized reply to this above before I saw this. I’d love to know your thoughts.

    • I would be nervously glancing around for her caretaker, like when a toddler appears out of nowhere at Target.

      • People probably think Nehi is the caretaker. $UNPAID

        How much do you want to bet she actually owes Nehi money at this point?

          • I could see her telling Debbie they’re legally (has him write a letter to self) in trouble for previous Airbnb grifts trying get money out of him (buys more junk for Yandy).

      • Especially if she was wearing the bow.

        Earlier that morning, there had been a tremendous tantrum. Julia’s caretaker had tried to explain to her that she could not wear her Christmas jammie pants on the plane, but Julia was having none of it. She wailed inconsolably, and stomped her fluffy boots so hard that a terrified Lilly [sic] hid under the bed. Eventually the caretaker caved and let Julia have her way, so as not to miss their flight. As the caretaker dried Julia’s tears, she fixed a bright red bow in her hair. “There now, who’s a pretty girl?!”

      • I wonder if she attempted to force a Bataan Death Christmas Singalong on her fellow passengers this year.

    • I would offer to switch seats with someone seated next to twin babies, to get away from the Craymas maniac.

      Catlady-parents, please take no offense. I am a supporter and sympathizer to babies and parents on planes. (Older children with no manners, not so much.)

      • Children who kick the back of my seat while their stupid parents refuse to stop them.

        • I make one polite request while emphasizing that I’m in a back brace. If it keeps going, I hit the call button and ask the flight attendant [LOUDLY] if it would be less trouble for her to move my party or the one behind me since my medical condition (back problem) is incompatible with my fellow passenger’s issue. Suddenly, the parent usually takes some interest in the situation.

  7. Can you believe? It’s been 5 years since somebody first bagged a McCain!

    Now she fucks obscure balding DJs on surfed couches…

    You blew it…BIG TIME, Julie!

  8. OT but the “Julie” cracks me up every time. I’ve been here for years, Gawker, Wired cover girl etc., but my husband thinks her name is Julie. And that she owns a donkey.

  9. I am so embarrassed to admit that I have those exact same Ugg boots, but at least I only wear them outside the house in the direst emergencies (such as picking up a bottle of wine at the corner store when I’ve run out.)

  10. If I saw that giant toddler lying on the filthy carpet, I’d pray I wasn’t seated next to her. “I love Christmas! See, I’m wearing a Christmas sweater! I’m happy! See, I’m wearing bright colors! I love love! My shirt says ‘love!'”

    She’s like my neurotic, histrionic, narcissistic neighbor who’s mean as a snake but wears peace signs from some pre-teen clothing store.

    • Living in SF now, being from Chicago, I’ll bet there are airport employees at SFO &/or ORD who’ve had enough donkey sightings in the past that now, when they see her clomping or hear her braying, they no doubt elbow the closest co-worker & say something like: “Look! See? I told you!”

      I wish they’d find their way here. *wink emoticon*

    • I couldn’t imagine. “I just went to a private lecture with Tony Robbins and realized my life goal is to be the embodiment of love. To spread love, to forgive myself gently, and find solace in beauty.”

    • HERE’S THE THING – After the age of around 14, one should not wear an entire outfit of cheaply cut and sewn clothes in horrid materials . Even when I very tackily run out to do errands in my 7.99 patterned leggings as pants I pair them with vintage – men’s cashmere sweaters and kewl coats. JA looks like she wants to live in Delia’s – and thats very BAD for a grownup lady. Now IMHOP the opposite approaches – all fancy monochromatic humorless overpriced capsule crap or the too twee Anthropologie- are also crappy for different reasons – but for Gods sake JA,, part of growing up is finding your style. I kind of want to kidnap JA and give her a make under but I’d have to put her face in a time machine. It is truly mind boggling how little she knows about presenting. herself. TL: DR:Press the learn button Julia.

      • She looks like a mannequin in a Rainbow store. Hey, maybe that’s where she got the name!

        I just wore some Old Navy leggings AS PANTS with a vintage Jean Muir cashmere tunic and got praise from everyone. You and I should start a club.

    • Can you even imagine being seated next to her on a plane? She would completely ignore the “I have no interest in speaking to you” signs (headphones, books, fake sleep, pretend coma…) and talk nonstop about herself. Ugh. “Everyone calls me Rainbow. Teehee. Aren’t I cute. Can you hold the dog for a sec? Do you want to sing with me? Do you like my Christmas leggings?”

      • “Have you ever been to burning man? Hey I know a lot of famous people. Did you know I’m writing a book for st. martins press? I was on TV more than fifty million times and had an internationally syndicated column. Hey did you now I was on the cover of Wired? I have 138,000 Facebook followers. I dated a senator and a senator’s son. Oh, her? She is my roommate. We are going back to visit my childhood home on Lake Michigan where my dad is a rich lawyer. What do I do? Um, I’m the embodiment of love. You mean what do I do for a living? Um, well, I…hey, is that engine over there smoking a little bit? Have you ever taken ayahuasca? Let me tell you about my vision board…”

        • “You probably think I’m a typical California hippie because I do yoga and drink green juice, don’t you? Are you totally intimidated by my radical bohemianism? Are you shocked by how outrageous Burning Man is? What’s that, you stopped going to Burning Man ten years ago when all the posers showed up? Um, err, oops?”

  11. What’s with all of this “I’m traveling, it’s Xmas, look at me” nonsense. When I’m traveling I like to keep it low key, not that anyone is looking for me, maybe I’ll talk to some people at the airport bar if I’m in the mood. She is such a tard.

    • It’s the mark of someone who is never in demand to travel for work. ” My parents love me enough to fly me home” stands in for ” I’m happy and proud that I built my career to a spot where I’m being flown around the world to do fun work in fun places! “. Pro tip – people who build careers like that don’t take thigh, floor , or TSA selfies.

    • All of these recent photos have been to prove that Neha is NOT mad at her, she’s NOT getting evicted from her apartment, and she is INDEED still on speaking terms with her family! Take THAT, angry hater basement!

      • Although we still haven’t actually seen Roommate yet. I’m not ruling out Donkey harassing strangers in the airport to take pictures for her.

        • CUE FAUXTO OF ROOMMATE AT ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY IN 3..2..1..

          Personally, I am still hoping roomy has a few brain cells jiggling around in her noggin and sisterectomy’d already. But I won’t be surprised if I’m found wrong.

          • Dim roomie will be around until she is no longer useful, then will be discarded. Not-so-dim former friends have fled long before this when they realized they were being used/played/exploited.

          • Yes, I know and agree. If roomie is at asst. living facility this year, it is because Julia thinks she’ll be a buffer i.e. prevent the hailstorm of wrath coming to her from the ever-enabling Boogers. Then again, Boogers are ever-enabling, so maybe Jules slides through this most recent f-up yet again.

            I guess this is why I stay tuned. Craymas is always juicy, and I feel like this year we have a cliff-hanger!

    • I always try to dress/look pretty well when traveling because, you know: cute guys at airport!
      (Julia must have other plans…)

      • I always dressed up (airline brat) & if the flight is not overbooked and people with awards aren’t bumped to first class, if you’re dressed well, they will bump you up.

      • Ahem, Julia has I LOVE YOU RAIN, excuse you. I’m genuinely curious, why would you think she may want to court anyone else? /sarcasm

        • He’s on break in the bay area all month. So she decides to go to Chicago? I doubt if everything was sunny in Rain-ville that she’d have gotten on that plane.

          • I mean I LOVE YOU RAIN is clearly over, but we both know that because we are sentient.

  12. Julia Allison Baugher, 34 going on 6.

    Poor mentally stunted and cunty one, may baby Jesus bring a slap upside your dad’s little head and bring with it some sense to cut you off like a decent parent should. This is beyond stupid and irresponsible.

  13. WHO IS TAKING THESE PHOTOS FOR HER???

    What kind of deluded maniac requests someone to take a photo of themselves going through airport security and walking around a random airport, and then posts them to the internet?!????? That alone should flag her as suspicion of mental instability to the TSA. Fucking christ.

    She is psycho. That is all.

    • The same person who took photos and several videos of Chariots of Fire Donkey pumping her arms and jumping up and down after crossing the finish line of a 5K.

  14. You KNOW she’s going to repeat her stupid stunt of making everyone on the plane sing jingle bells. I hope someone tells her to cram her jingle bells up her raft ass.

  15. She lives differently. We’re just uncomfortable because our paradigms are shifting.

    I’m 5’10–ALL legs. (Yes, it’s rough) And I wouldn’t wear these leggings. (I’m also an adult)

  16. Semi OT and not an “Onion” article: Gary Busey (from the original bottom picture) gave Donald Trump his endorsement today.

  17. 1. She’s wearing her shoes in the metal detector. I really believe this photo was staged and a TSA agent took it.
    2. Those “leggings” somehow manage to look like sweatpants? I have muscular chunky legs and I do not think I look like that in leggings. Then again, none of my pairs have christmas trees on them.

    • She probably has Pre-check, it lets you keep your laptop, shoes and some other crap on/in your stuff.

    • You don’t have to take off rubber soled booties when you go through the metal detector. I have a pair that I travel in for just that reason.

      • There is no hard and fast rule about taking off shoes at airport security. I fly 20+ times a year and you can never predict if shoes on or off will be the order of the day, regardless of sole composition. #securitytheater

        • This summer I flew to four cities, and I never had to take my shoes off here, but coming back I did, three out of four times. It’s a total mishmash.

      • I am not ashamed to admit that I am very invested in Lah Lee’s life. I check her page for updates and comments with an alarming frequency…

        • same, same. she is such a heinous bitch; it’s like watching the meanest girls on ANTM and then almost feeling sorry for them when it’s their turn to fall and they cry with zero self recognition or learning.

          i got an xmas from a former JIML this week; she’s about to be an empty nester and you can tell she’s looking for new victims

          • I feel like I missed a chapter, because what happened with *SPOILER ALERT* guy who wanted her to leave her husband? Did she simply say no and get on with things, or is he still hanging around?

          • Lah Lee must wait to see what Röbert gives her for Christmas before she makes any moves, because that is how a happy marriage works.

          • Ermahgawd! Wrote that, realized I hadn’t checked the mail today, owned (typo and it stays) the door and a very juicy surprise was waiting for me!!!!!!!!!!! *Awe*, me! (Lah Lee even guessed my first name!)

    • On that note, Moroccanwear, you are getting strangely good at watercolor faces. Might want to dial it back a notch.

    • Can I just say that I really want that ghastly husband of hers to finally make a run for it instead of just having various side pieces and her going after everything he owns, while dumping the kids on him? I need that escalation real bad.

    • You all are too kind! Does Ben and Jerry’s have a vodka sorbet? Because otherwise, no. I hope Christmas with the Smiths is a gift to everyone.

  18. I’m medicating myself in anticipation of seeing that Baugher family Xmas photo ON THE ALTAR OF THE CHURCH! We Who were raised Catholic don’t dare
    To even put our big toe on the altar unless we are part of the Mass in some way, much less pose under the crucifix attired in Santa and Rudolph sweaters from Nordstroms. Maybe this is the year they take a match to the Koran while they’re up there to complete the sacreligious tableaux? Wasn’t there a crotch shot of Grape Nehi last year?

    • Not a crotch shot, but the opaque bits of Nehi’s control top pantyhose were showing. Whatta sister Julie is for posting that awkward moment to social media.

    • I’m with you, Lake Woo, at my communion, was the only time we were allowed on the altar for a quick picture and I looked scared to death for fear I would burst into flames.
      Side note my dad’s favorite line later was “Careful when your putting your hand in the holy water, don’t want it to boil over.”

      Merry Christmas!

    • Looks like from the retouching she did on the pre-Craymas pics that camel toe was the style note she’s been sporting of late. So maybe that’s what’s in store for the 2015 altared states photo.

      Camel toe under the mistletoe. How charming.

  19. Also: nice Fiji water, Donkey! A true Bay Area SJW and health nut would never be without her expensive refillable water bottle made of sustainable materials. And if she was to suddenly find herself without, she would certainly never purchase water from a brand widely known to have extremely unethical business practices. THIS INEQUALITY CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO CONTINUE IN OUR COUNTRY!

    #youknowyourefromsfwhen

    • On that note, the goddess of #pleasurableweightloss was just a few days ago ranting about “caring for mother earth” and only a few days later, crowdsourcing ideas to buy a car that is suitable for New York (she even mentioned how a 4×4 would be great to transport people and stuff). If anything, the woo are great at ideological consistency.

    • thought the same, and at the airport sells for like $8 a pop.
      #pleasurabledrought #dummies #simpletons

  20. Seriously though, if that airport is too crowded for her to sit in a normal seat in the boarding area then it’s too crowded for her to be taking pictures at the security check-in. Pick your shit up off the floor and sit your ass in a chair, Donkey! This isn’t your bedroom.

    • You are so right — busy travel season; it happens to be slow the moment she goes thru security, far be it from her to just git ‘er done & get the hell outta the way — nope, she’s going to create a nuisance diversion & suck all the oxygen out of the area, as it wouldn’t occur to her that the working stiffs could use a break to savor the calm before the storm.

      Grow the fuck up, D0nkey.

      Are those chairs hard surface? Maybe she’s avoiding sitting ginormos ‘head & shoulders above the rest’ on her substantial raftass (as opposed to when she sinks a cushion & tilts the lightweights upward).

      • All of those people crowded into the airline gates waiting for their flights, bidness of their own to do and families of their own to get to, perhaps some are delayed, frazzled, stressed: that’s an audience.

        • I think she does it in hopes someone will ask her which college she attends. That would be high praise in her warped little world. Cue fake conversation with airport stranger in 5…4…

          • PRE FROSH NEVER FORGET

            i actually had a dream last nite that i was going back to do a different grad school program than the one i did, but i decided not to go after all.

            meaningful, i know

  21. We had Ugly Xmas Sweater Day at the high school where I teach today. The suburban teen girls, in all their cluelessness, still put together cuter outfits than this bitch.

    • Why the fuck are you teaching this late? No.

      Although I did wind up at the (closed) school for over an hour today… because I have somehow adopted the campus feral and needed to make sure she was fed and cuddled. That is pure catlady bullshit right there, y’all. It’s a 30 minute drive both ways! I wasted over two hours of my life to cater to a stray fucking flea-infested animal who is mostly just following a biological instinct resembling ‘stripper affection.’

      #catladymanifesto

      • You did good. When our cat overlords finally ascend to their rightful dominion, they will honor your fealty by appointing you postmistress general or some such sinecure that will exempt you from their wholesale slaughter of infidels (e.g., those claiming “allergies” or characterizing themselves as “really more of a dog person.”)

  22. Dumb question (hey, it’s AFF, I apologize in advance) but does former syndicated tech communist Julia Albertson even have an IG or snap? It seems incomprehensible that she only uses fb.

    • Ha ha ha oh, you. Julie is such a social media maven she doesn’t actually have to use any social media! That’s for plebs.

      She has FB, a Twitter she almost never uses, and her long-moribund website. If she has IG or Snapchat or Periscope or anything else, it is on private (which means I doubt it exists).

      • Oddly enough, I checked out her IG recently. She posts there infrequently. She had a twenty-five second attempt to post “daily happiness” type exhibits last year around this time. Recently she posted a super sad picture of Lilly, who has terrible cataracts and still looks like the saddest dog in the world.

        She has few followers, follows only like ten people, one of whom is Adrien Gernier [sic because: lazy] for no reason I can discern other than maybe he is ambiguously affiliated with some random from her BM DJ ‘tribe.’

        It’s exactly where you’d expect to find it were you to search.

        • Haha I just checked her ig, and she only follows 10 people, including Taylor Swift, Derpy, Avocado, and Rain. Ex-stalking is such an essential part of social media domination!

          • Bitch, I knows.

            jk my IG is super boring. It entertains me to go back and look at it though. I think we need more
            pics of your snarfleface dog.

        • No one else sees how many followers you have on Snap. What’s the point of Donkey have a social media account if she can’t inflate the number of followers and brag about it?

          • On the flipside, no one can see how FEW she has either. She can always — and this is a stretch for her — LIE and pretend she has a huge audience. You know… The old “Fake it til you are face deep into an extra-large vat of Toppins fudge and crying over the fraud that is your existence and wondering why you didn’t just write BOOK” bit.

            snap it is!

    • I’ve always wondered about this too… It’s worrisome.

      You know how some of your really cool friends have terrible Instagram shots, and really don’t know how to take a picture?! Can’t frame an image or stop shaking when trying to take an artistic fauxtoe?!

      I think Julie is worse than that, and can’t even. She’s too lazy to try? Probs

  23. I’ve not done much but lurk while busy with several months of desk errands but I missed the basement during the Technical Troubles of last week. Merry Craymas to all, even if as normal and emotionally healthy adults you are not wearing attention seeking Xmas tights!

  24. I remain convinced that Julia is femme flagging with those nails. Someone must have told her. JJ, Ariel White, *someone*.

    • Apparently this ring finger nail thing was a general trend starting about three years ago even among straight women. Comments in the linked article support this. So I don’t think this means anything except that Donkey is several years late to a trend as per usual.

      I really don’t see Donkey serious about dipping in the lady pond unless she is doing it in order to tantalize some guy. Most of the women in her tribe aren’t shy about admitting they are bisexual, so she’d have no reason to be quiet about it if she was.

      http://www.xojane.com/beauty/femme-flagging-manicure

    • Donkey is no where near cool enough to do something so subtle. If she were seriously going gay she would be screaming it from the roof tops.

    • Also too and— did she have to Photoshop her fugly hands?
      Don’t they look sort of airbrushed?
      Isn’t that kinda desperate, yo?

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