The Donkey Centipede: Julia Allison Permanently Glues Her Third Nose To Brit Morin’s Bunghole

donkeydolt

OMG. Brit Morin, I think they made a movie about you … when will Brit + Co start hiring Senior Interns?!?!

Ah, yes. From Nancy Meyers, the whitest filmmaker around. Exhibit A: It’s Complicated.

Also, Julie is SO PROUD of yet another relative who won’t give her the time of day:

Congratulations to my cousin Nicholas, the CTO of Double Dutch! Proud of him. smile emoticon

http://doubledutch.me/blog/2015/08/doubledutch-receives-45-million-in-funding-the-next-stage-of-our-growth/

162 COMMENTS

  1. My cousin is a pediatric nurse (her second career, as she faced an empty nest.) I have never once felt “pride” in her accomplishments, since they don’t reflect on me in the least.

    • What Julie meant to imply was “Hey everybody! MY (me me me) cousin just got $45 million in funding for his tech startup!! Did I mention he is MY cousin?”

      • They already blew through $35 million since 2011 how the fuck aren’t they already profitable? It’s an app. ugh so. much. fraud. in startups. Who is giving these morons money?

      • and my father called them and asked them to give me a job and they gave me an interview but then they said never ever ever come back and changed their cellphone numbers

    • My favorite cousin is a Seattle CEO and I’ve never once felt it necessary to publicly state how “proud” I am of her incredible accomplishments. I adore her but she’s not my daughter.

    • I’m terribly proud of Taylor Swift for her accomplishments. And Lorde. And Lena Dunham. And Gigi Hadid. And Karlie Kloss. And the girls from Haim.
      (Hit me up for a fun weekend, girls!)

      Also, President Obama, Gisele Bundchen, Miuccia Prada, Carol Burnett, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Amal Clooney, HM Elizabeth II, and the late Susan Sontag.

      My heart bursts with pride, for all of them. I knew they could do it, I believed in them.

  2. She feels the need to feel superior since the movie they made about her? Less than flattering. She should be moving into an Indian Casino Hotel shortly.

  3. So that mermaid dress she is coveting on her fb page– how does she think someone with a lower body built like hers can pull that off? With those ancient white clompers?

    • All I can see in that photo is the grossly fake pelts looking like cheap dollar store Barbie hair.

      • And a concerted effort to out-hot Brit because she was seriously making a blatant Donkey-play for Dave Morin at that point. Other photos from that night show her literally grinding her pubis into his hip.

    • I think they both look cute in this photo and, not lying, I like the blue-purple dress.

      The eyeball torture pic in the background grosses me out.

      • Dress is cute from the waist up but it’s a poofy mini-skirt below and that whole party must have pretty much felt like they were at her Pap smear.

    • Oh, the horror! Ali Shanti would be worming her way in so that she could be directly behind Donkey.

    • Indeed, which is why I believe the Dave Morin/Donks stories throughout the years. Donks is totally his type.

      Also, the angle on Brit’s nose at the top of this post is rather unfortunate. Does it still look like that or has she had a nose job since then?

      • there is a girl at my job who isn’t pretty but is mean and thin and desperately wants to be cute — flowy shirts and short shorts in the office, etc — and conducts business as if who sits at which table in middle school is still the rule: i think brit is just exactly that.

    • Have you ever been eating something that’s dripping onto your hands, and you think to yourself, “I wish there were something, anything, to keep this food off my hands! Something made of paper, something you keep in the kitchen… oh well, I guess I’m just going to keep eating this food as it drips onto my hands, since there’s absolutely no way around this problem”?

      Cupcake liners!!! That’ll be $6 million, please.

    • The Camp Mystic site says it expects everyone attending to pitch in and build the camp. No free rides this year. What do you bet her whine the other day was because she couldn’t con her way out of that, or pose as costume mistress this year, pretending that was an actual job that would count?

  4. What Clockwork Orange eyeball torture nonsense is going on behind Julia and Brit?

    It appears to be a “work of art” – no idea who would put that monstrosity on their walls.

  5. Senior Interns? Does this mean she’s not only asking for a job, but finally accepted her screeching runaway train-like delicate and graceful decent into 35 next year?

    • Think her Dad is hitting up the cousin for a two for one. Get both he an julia employed. Now that’s a fucking reality show I’d watch. The Old Deluded with At Work with Dad.

      • That’s the first thing I thought. Peter Baugher begging for Donkey to get hired At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if he would pay her salary, just so she would show up somewhere every day and not be able to spend money.

        • It’s quite possible daders is on his way out since the merger. Not uncommon in merger situations, stay through the transistion and “decide” to take a package.

    • 35 should be good.. But once spinster Julie nears 40 the meltdown and crisis will be, how would she say… delicious 🙂

    • The sad part is that, for the majority of women, 35 is an amazing time; people tend to be coming into their own financially and with regard to independence from the tyranny of expectations about their appearance and choices. Many, many women look back at their mid-thirties as a period of great personal fulfillment, not as the gateway to expiration.

      But as much as donks brays about OMG self-actualization and “knowing herself” and “enlightenment” and all that crap, it’s clear she is still thrashing around in the mud at the bottom of the same pit of insecurity and narcissism and dependence she’s always occupied. My bet is that nothing in her life has loomed as terribly as her next OMG birthcray.

      It would be sad if it wasn’t exactly what she deserves. But it is precisely the reaping of what she’s sown and carefully cultivated.

  6. “Julia Allison, Author at Book Deal, and spokesmodel for Sea World, Velveeta, Coobie and DoubleDutch.”

    • aka underqualified executive easily manipulated by VCs to take the fall when the SEC starts poking around.

      • Ha if only they ever did.
        Also, dentist, sorry to bring him up he got real boring, but dropped off FB, haven’t looked him up in weeks months so maybe that is old and he retired happily ever after with his menagerie of young boyfriends, or made up with the menudo dude and married him

  7. It’s one day later and only three people have liked Donkey’s umpteenth Morin ass kiss, including Muhammad Ashique Reza Khan. There are no comments and OMG! Brit is nowhere to be found.

    EAGER FOR EXPOSURE? HIRE SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT JULIA ALLISON FOR YOUR START UP!

  8. I really would love to know if Momsers or Petey tried to get her a job at the cousin’s company. I want to believe the cousin refused. The cousins, from what I hear, especially her father’s sister’s kids, are well aware that she’s barking mad.

    • They’ve had her number for years and NO WAY Nick or any other cousin would put their reputation at serious risk by hiring this layabout, and everybody knows what happened when Petey pressured a neighbor to get her that gig at Tribune Media Services.

    • I’d be curious if the lawyer in the family wasn’t out scouting for himself-young startup needs experienced lawyer and drags the donkey dung along.

      • This hate-on you have for Peter Baugher is super weird considering that by all accounts, he’s a pretty accomplished attorney. Your notion that he’s one emergency brake repair from the poorhouse is flatly contradicted by the facts that Ma and Pa Baugher have a couple million dollars in real estate alone. And as Peter is in his early sixties, a retirement (not that I expect one), would hardly be cause to speculate that he was pushed out.

        Stop being weird about this.

        • “he’s a pretty accomplished attorney”

          Compared to the average, absolutely.

          Compared to a baby boomer era Princeton UG/Yale Law grad? Definitely not.

          I would also say, based on some relevant experience, that originations are by far the most important point in who gets let go during law firm mergers. Or who loses equity as a result. Petey’s bio just didn’t name enough big litigation and didn’t mention any transactional work.

          I think Petey was mostly getting by doing arbitrations the last few years. It’s not bad work at all. But it’s not going to result in leveraged $$$ for the firm.

          • You might have expected more from a Princeton/Yale pedigreed attorney — what proportion of lawyers, by the way, do you think have such a pedigree? It’s nice of you to acknowledge that Peter looks good compared to the average but not this rarefied subset. My rejoinder is that probably very few of us would. Some poor rubes might even considering going to Princeton and Yale accomplishments in their own right.

            Or in other words, this is another classic Afghani case of “Guys, don’t be fooled into thinking Peter makes bank. He probably only makes like $400,000.”

          • This is pretty common knowledge in the world of mergers and aquisitions but here you go:
            Six Warning Signs You Could Lose Your Job
            A Merger or Acquisition Occurs
            “There (are) just so many duplicate positions. There (are) only so many (human resources) people a company needs (for example),” Rolie says.
            That’s because they typically create redundancies on the payroll, with two or more people fulfilling essentially the same role at both companies having to compete for that role within the new organization created by the merger or acquisition.

            The merging company has a higher body count.

          • The think is that if Pettifogger makes $400-500K a year (which seems likely based on the firm’s reported earnings and his role), then him paying Julie’s bills isn’t a mere bagatelle for him. Which is the opposite of her “madcap heiress” persona.

            The other thing about Pettifogger is that he was born on third base, and he never quite made it “home” the way most of his white, upper-middle-class dude law school classmates did. Most of those dudes are named partners now, probably taking home $800K or more every year, and could probably support a loser daughter like Julie without it pinching a bit.

          • I would be willing to bet that Momsers and Dadsers have substantial assets on hand; they seem very fiscally conservative. God knows they don’t spend much on home/assisted living facility decor (no apparent interest in antiques or art; mid-grade caulk at best), or fancy vacations (otherwise Hee-Haw would have been vicariously bragging every detail to the skies.) Probably their biggest expenditure is supporting A Donkey. (That crone in the delivery room where Donkey was foaled, as imagined by a genius RBD commenter, was right: “She will always need your support, Peter.” I will look for that and add link when I find it.)

          • Oh God that was even funnier than I remembered. The asymmetrical nozzle detail I recalled, but I had forgotten the sacrificial birthday chicken.

          • I agree with you
            Yes he makes more money than most people on earth
            But for someone who started where he started, and has A Donkey to support, meh

            I tell my kitten all the time — we are solid middle class but she goes to a rich rich school and feels poor — that it’s not what your parents have that counts it’s what you do with what you have been given

            And that’s what makes A donkey the enormous failure she is and makes pettifogger the opposite of successful and makes bird mom just sad — people born with every advantage who are mean and trifling

        • Wait, what? I heard here that Pete’s firm got merged with someone else’s.. Wouldn’t he just then work for the new firm and carry on with his usual clients?

          I guess unless he wanted to retire (he’s worked long enough that I’d be tempted to at that age)? Except it might be hard to retire while still needing to foot the bill for Julia’s exorbitant monthly expenses.. I’d think for him to retire they’d need to call Jules back to the downtown condo to lessen the bleeding in the checking account?

        • First, he’s a man, from what I’ve been able to gather, abused his position as an attorney during Julia’s short-lived heyday. He unethically did not disclose (or manipulated facts without recognizing the rights of others) his reasoning for wanting to usurp First Amendment rights in his editorial piece in the Chicago Tribune.
          Second, there are patterns in unethical behavior and yes it shocks me to this day his firm didn’t release him during all that mess (well before my time) where from what I recall they called people’s work to try and get them fired for exposing the negative truth both he and his daughter would have rather have remained hidden.

          Third, I dislike anyone who abuses their position of authority which that “pretty accomplished attorney,” appeared to have no problem doing at the expense of others.

          But do feel free to fuck off.

    • Her cousins via Petey’s sister are all Yale/Princeton type alums, yes?

      Sorry Petey, you sucked as a dad. And for that, you get to pay for Julia the rest of your life.

      • Nicholas went to Cornell. Alexander went to Yale. Peter went to college in Florida, but I forget which one and he’s hard to find on Facebook because so many Peter Clarks.

        Julie was already broken long before college. If Pettifogger and the Bird could have gotten her into an even more prestigious school than Gtown, it would have been just as useless to her because she is a hollow shell animated mostly by envy and spite.

  9. Lalala has posted more family snaps with He Who Reminds Her of Trees and their offspring. Breastfeeding shots included!

  10. In today’s Woo News-
    Head Woo Daniel Pinchbeck Declares Burning Man Too Commercial, Man. Ruined By Donkeys. (It’s seriously TL;DR)

  11. Hi, catladies – off topic – I need some expert help! I’m going to LA next weekend for the first time.
    Staying in Calabasas for Friday night for a Saturday morning event; then free to explore the area till our Monday evening flight. The only thing we have to do is have an early dinner in Newport Beach on Sunday night.
    I understand there’s a fancy apartment for rent in Marina Del Ray, but that’s not really what I had in mind. Any good recommendations for a hotel/b&b for Sat&Sun nights? We’re explorers, mostly interested in checking out the city – whatever that means. I’m trying to stop compulsively planning each hour and go with the flow instead, but it’d be good to have a place to sleep.
    Many thanks in advance.

    • I like the Farmer’s Daughter motel on Fairfax because I like to walk to the Farmer’s Market for breakfast. But it is not elegant.

    • I looked up hotels for my sister and was sort of shocked how expensive thins were. Sometimes you can get a deal at the Standard hotel downtown, there’s another one on the strip that is great for exploring that area and Beverly Hills. I
      I’ve stayed at Casa Malibu Inn but I’m guessing it might be tight with the summer months. There’s a Best Western in Hollywood that’s been redone and is close to Griffith Park and the Observatory that might be worth checking out. LA is so spread out… not sure what you want to be closest too…

  12. Michael Ellsberg is wagging his shame finger at ALI SHANTI aka Alexis Neely for sure…

    Michael Ellsberg
    5 hrs · Edited ·
    I just spent a few hours doing something I hope you never put yourself through—scrolling through a bunch of emails from marketing lists I had somehow gotten myself on.
    These all offered some version of the same thing: overnight success with little work, dramatic results by applying tiny “tactics” and “tricks,” and secrets to simplifying the difficult areas of money, business, marketing, and also romance, love, and sex, as if these were just video games with hidden hacks.
    As I read through these emails, I kept asking myself: would I invite the author of this email to a party I hosted, to become part of my social circle?
    After all, if I wouldn’t want to socialize with this person, why would I want to do business with them? That’s my philosophy.
    And the answer kept coming back: hell no.
    I wouldn’t invite people into my social circle who:
    –Are pushy, aggressive, or manipulative
    –Are desperate to get something from me
    –Repeatedly make obviously oversold, overhyped promises
    –Have the bland personality of white toast with Velveeta cheez
    –Have no sense of humor (not even a darkly comic and cynical one like mine, but still…)
    –Or worse, have no sense of humor, so they borrow someone else’s, which hangs like an ill-fitting suit
    –Assume I’m a dumbass or a mark. (“Wow, your crappy free PDF bonuses are worth $8,347? [An actual claim I just saw, from a “respected” marketer whom many people follow and copy.] No way! Had they been worth a penny less than $8,330 I wouldn’t have gone for them. But the extra $17 of free value on top tipped me over. Thanks for your precision in measuring of the value of your free reports and recorded teleseminars.”)
    I nearly bashed my head into the computer. Why is this the state of marketing? I mean, I guess it’s always been this way, I can’t say it’s gotten “worse”….
    But still. Why do most marketers leave you with a bad taste in your mouth, and a empty feeling in your gut?
    I pondered this question. And then I pondered it some more.
    And here is the answer I came to:
    The #1 most important thing in marketing, these days, is to have personality.
    We’re way past the time when people sell primarily on price, features, or even benefits. There are usually competing products and services with similar prices, features, and benefits. Almost every market is saturated. The question is, why will they buy your product or service among all the competing ones cluttering the marketplace?
    The answer is, because they like you, and/or your brand. I.e., they like your personality. They like doing business with you. They feel you’re “they’re kind of person.” They feel “gotten” and “seen” by you. You share similar values, a similar outlook and sensibility. They can relate to you.
    Business is, after all, a human affair. Never underestimate how much these basic human considerations matter in business and marketing.
    But here’s the thing.
    Having personality–the kind that leaps out of the words, off the page or screen–is hard.
    It’s hard for a bunch of reasons. Here are a few:
    1. Your personality alienates many people–and you’re terrified of alienating people.
    I once heard someone say something brilliant in a presentation: “A great brand repels as much as it attracts.” (I wish I had come up with this myself, but I didn’t, and I have been unable to track down the author of it. It is, alas, some unknown person who is very, very smart.)
    Many people try to be liked by everyone. But the only way you can be liked by everyone is to be lukewarm and pleasant. And then, you’ll only be *moderately* liked. If you want to be insanely liked (in fact loved) by some people, you’ve got to risk being hated by some other people. That’s just the way human social life works.
    The same reasons that some people think you’re one of the best things that ever came into their life, are the reasons other people think you’re an annoying freak. (That is as true of me as anyone with a strong personality.) Yet, we’re so afraid of others thinking we’re a freak, that we hide the strong, unusual parts of ourselves that would get others totally passionate and drawn towards us.
    The result: bland marketing that relies on trickery, gimmicks, and formulas, rather than personality.
    2. Your personality can’t be faked–and thus, there is no shortcut
    Another reason personality is so powerful in marketing, is the same reason so few marketers have it: it can’t be faked. Just like you can spot a fake personality in someone at a party, you can spot it in marketing. (You’re just less used to calling it out in marketing, because you’ve gotten used to the idea that *all* marketers have fake personalities, or no personality. You’ve hardly ever seen anything different.)
    It’s an unpopular message in teaching marketing: to do something that takes time and can’t be faked. But it is really the only true message. Truth, being one of those things that is not very popular in marketing.
    3. Your personality comes in large part from difficult experiences in life–and marketing is “supposed” to be cheerful and chirpy.
    Some of our personality, of course, is genetic. But the rest of it is forged in the crucible of life: love requited and unrequited, rejections, humiliations, failures, and compensations and overcompensations in response to these.
    To some people, these experiences are so painful they numb themselves out in a sea of chirpy bland personal growth messages to “look on the bright side.” They drown themselves not in the bottle, but on a steady diet of personal growth hogwash. They are unwilling to look deeply into the muck of the human soul and see anything of value.
    Whereas, that same muck is the flavor of your personality. Have you ever heard of a great comedian or artist or musician whose art and expression didn’t come from inner muck? Our personal growth culture discounts the very wellspring of human creativity, leaving a sea of blandness.
    If you can overcome these challenges, however, you will find an audience waiting to hear from you.
    Why? Because personality in business writing is so rare. Emotional honesty in business writing is so rare. Vulnerability in business writing is so rare. It’s so rare to read business writing, and feel like you’re actually hearing from a human being rather than a collection of “tips and tricks” that writer gleaned from the latest marketing seminar or “free report” (even if that free report was a “$347 value!”)
    Ultimately, people want to do business with other humans, not with “formulas” or “templates” or cliches from Warrior Workshops taught in the Fern Room of the Ramada Inn.
    Normally, the questions you ask yourself about your own business writing are: Did it convert? Did it sell? Did it persuade?
    These are perfectly fine business questions. And any business that ignores them will have problems. But any business that ignores the following questions will also have problems:
    –Did I come across as a human being in this writing?
    –Did my audience learn something from me?
    –Did my audience feel respected, and taken seriously by this writing?
    –My favorite: Did my audience laugh, and/or gain some new insight into the absurdity of the human condition?
    This latter set of questions is the one that will keep your audience reading for the long haul. It’s the set of questions that will have them read the next communication from you, and the next one, even if the previous offers weren’t a match for them–because they know that you’re not BSing and eventually you’re going to offer them something that’s just right for them.
    Does your business writing have personality?

    • He couldn’t be targeting her more.
      I agree with him. Maybe it’s because he seems to be writing clearer.
      Or maybe it’s because I’m high.

          • –My favorite: Did my audience laugh, and/or gain some new insight into the absurdity of the human condition?

            CWAA

            He’s still missing (what all the woo say they do but don’t really do) help others but they can’t help but make it about themselves.

            The fundamental for any good business (which is marketed) asks two very simple questions: What problem(s) are you helping solve and how are you solving them? People will “like” you if you help them fix a problem. It’s that simple. But again with the woo it’s all about their need and not the needs of others.

        • Yes, he is making much more sense than usual, though the scoldy tone is dismaying (and a bit hypocritical coming from him, IMO).

      • You know, every once in a while he can be articulate, and this is one of them (though his writing is as usual super repetitive.) I definitely don’t agree with all of his points (especially the one about repulsiveness being a selling point; no, Greasy Sex Gargoyle, greasy sex gargoyles are not persuasive, merely repulsive, so knock it off with the spanking videos and pimp outfits), but whatever medication he’s on currently seems to be helping his intellectual faculties.

    • “They drown themselves not in the bottle, but on a steady diet of personal growth (or sex cult?) hogwash.” Ellsberg, Allison and Neely are all the same person.
      He’s using a lot of words to discuss one: truth. A word to which the three again cannot comprehend much less teach about.
      Michael Ellsberg just is another fraud trying to wear a suit that was never made for him. He like Julia and Alexis have done nothing to earn the credibility necessary to teach anyone anything. Take a seat Mesh Shirt.

    • I should add, I only copy and pasted 1/2 of this b/c it was TL;DR – but the second 1/2 is Michael pitching himself as a marketer (or something… I got bored). I think Pimp Daddy ran out of porno $$$$$.

      • Here’s the rest:

        [Pitch Starts Here– If You Don’t Want to Read a Pitch From Me, Stop Reading smile emoticon ]
        I am, first and foremost, a writer of freaky nonfiction, much of it here on FB. Copywriting happens to be an area I focus on professionally because–as I wrote in Education of Millionaires–it is the area of writing that is most lucrative. Which allows me to subsidize my more freaky, experimental writing about psychedelics, art, spirituality, mental health, philosophy, and sex (my true passions), which express me and my personality more fully, and which I share with you here frequently
        .
        Because I come to copywriting as a die-hard artistic writer, I bring a writer’s sensibility to my work. I’m unwilling to support or condone more bland, personality-free, superficial writing in the world, even if it pays the bills. I just respect the medium too much for that.
        So I won’t let you get away with lame, boring, Velveeta-cheez whiz type copy. I want you to bring more of yourself to your writing. I want your audience to look forward to every communication you send them.
        To that end, I can’t create a product or formula for you. Because it has to do with YOU. And you don’t fit into a formula.
        What I can do is spend time getting to know you, by reading your material, and talking on the phone. Here’s what I propose:
        Send me all or most of your recent marketing material. Emails, web copy, reports, sequences, follow-up emails.
        I will read everything you send me, then we’ll talk on the phone, I’ll get more of a sense of you and your business, and I will personally show you how to make your marketing sparkle and sizzle with your own personality.
        Of course, I can’t *give* you or your brand’s personality. And you wouldn’t want me to. But I can help you uncover it. I can help you get in touch with it. I can help you develop the courage to show it. I can help you overcome your fear of being vulnerable.
        Is it time to show more of yourself in your business writing? Is it time to trust that the right people will be drawn to you and will be incredibly excited to do business with you, even as others get scared away by your rawness and openness? Is it time to take the leap onto the page, the leap into knowing that you don’t have to hide yourself or your personality in business–and in fact, into knowing that your genuine, unapologetic personality is your greatest asset?
        Is it time to assume that your audience wants more of your full personality, not less?
        If so, let me spend 2 hours on your business, your writing, and you. I’ll read all the stuff you send me (usually somewhere around 30min), and the rest of the time we’ll spend on the phone together going over it.
        I will show you two simple things:
        –Where and how you can let more of your original personality shine through your writing, and make a more powerful impression on the page
        –Where you should give up bad marketing habits–pushed by all the “seminars” and “masterminds” that litter the landscape–that you have probably absorbed from reading other people’s unoriginal copy, and that mark you as generic and formulaic.
        .
        If you can start replacing the latter with the former, you’re going to start engaging your audience much more, and standing out more, and drawing people towards your products and services more.
        Think of it as two hours of private access to my marketing brain, focused entirely on you and your business, all for a reasonable price.
        If you’re interested, sign up via the button at the bottom of this page: http://bit.ly/1LcxLb6
        (Notice, I didn’t say, “Only a few spots left!” etc. Because that’s bullshit. If you want my help, and you have a business where this moderate level of investment makes sense, then I’m happy to help.)

  13. Burger King head wrote, and I quote:

    “This is an except of a book I have written but have not edited”

    Likely no irony intended.

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