Updated, Now With Nail: Lazy Layabout Complains About Having To Pack a Suitcase

trampodonkey

Julia Allison
2 hrs · San Francisco, CA · Edited ·
Oh, Burning Man. Oh Burning Man. Oh, Burning Man. (sigh)
You are SO MUCH WORK. Geez.

Yep, she’s heading to Camp Septic, presumably to put on another softcore donkey show with Ali Shanti, Jena La Flamme, and the rest of the usual suspects – the boys love it! Though nobody enjoyed having to sit through that marriage ceremony.

Geez, it must be thuch hard work to pack up all of those carny outfits in her pink suitcases, especially when Julie’s so busy loafing on her father’s dime.

julie clubwear

Update: Yoo hoo, Cory! Oh thnap, Avocado!

That nail! Dear Greg, that absentmindedly painted Margaret Hamilton thumbnail!

Well played, Bob Marley. You must have known a few* of the men I’ve dated wink emoticon

(not all, thank god!!)

revolting nail

166 COMMENTS

  1. So she is going to Burning Man this year after all? How the hell did she manage to shutup about it in recent weeks/months? That commenter last year must have really talked some sense into her with that short FB exchange (..and also resulting in a funny mere here for months) 🙂

    • Likely addicted to drugs & the depression that follows makes putting plastic costumes in a bag all but impossible. Also zero creativity or original thoughts compound her challenges. Imagine if she really had to work?

    • This year she didn’t even have pepperoni nipple photo shoots or Coobie yoga photo shoots to manage. She did absolutely nothing. Imagine how difficult it is for a lazy donkey, with 100% of her time devoted to sleeping, to pack a duffle bag for Burning Man?

      I have to think that she has been marginalized by her camp for being useless.

  2. She takes a luxury RV, stocked with plastic costumes that were made in a factory, to a camp that’s been built by someone else. So creative! So self-reliant!

  3. this new generation’s of instagram girls, that shill for sponsors, do it so much better. aqua haired, better accessorized, more exotic locales, and much better photography skills

    • Donkey will be getting mermaid hair approximately two years hence.
      Plus coordinating glitter-gel nails.

  4. Montreal has whores that are better read, more intellectual and far sexier than thou, señorita burra.

  5. She does indeed looks AMAZING in those pictures, if by amazing you mean it in the original sense of amaze: to astound, dumbfound. What continues to astound and dumbfound me is how any brand would hitch its wagon to such a way-over loser. Plus her hair looks like shit. Is her one decent feature finally giving up the ghost? Brassy, thy name is Donkey.

    • You have to look at it this way… who in their right mind would not only be proud enough to wear something from Yandy, but to also be photographed in it for marketing purposes?

  6. OT: Today is my six month sobriety anniversary. This is the longest streak since I was a teenager twenty years ago. You know that old trope “And then one day you will wake up and…”? That is how I am experiencing life now. Terrified of 40 and being excluded from youth culture. Here is a list of other hard things I quit: Fingernail biting. Nicotine. Sugar/Soda. I’ve been exercising six days a week and now when I flex my biceps, there is no loose fabric on my t-shirt’s sleeve. That is pretty weird/awesome. I go out to meetups (.com) at least twice a week. I am happy. I like my job and enjoy going in.

    Thank you guys for your support!

    • Best thing I’ve read in quite awhile, KS! Very happy for you & wishing you
      all the strength you need to make it another six months, & so on, & so on.

      My sister reaches 29 yrs sobriety next month — she’d be the 1st to tell ya
      that it eventually gets easier (I remember when she went to mtgs 2-3 x a day).

    • Wow, that was such a wonderful comment to read. I am in awe of your strength and perserverance. You should know that you have inspired this internet stranger. Congratulations!

    • Big congratulations ks. That’s a massive achievement.

      I’ve tried & failed many times, currently going through another fail stage so know how difficult it is. My heartfelt hopes for your continuing success. Xoxo Bunny.

      • Here’s something to think about re the finger nail biting: last century when I went to high school at 13 I was a terrible nail biter. I was also quite shy & spent a lot of my time in libraries, either at school or the local public library.

        HOWEVER! The high school I was going to had a reputation (undeserved it turned out) for teenage sexual proclivities between the stacks.

        I remember walking towards the library door my first day at high school & this comment popped into my head – ‘You’ll never be finger fucked in the library with those stubs.’ Stopped biting pretty much straight away.

        That thought stays with me to this day. (Also have never actually been finger fucked in a library, nails long, short or otherwise.)

        • Well I’d do ya. If I was upside down like you and also not previously taken.

          If you are trying to quit drinking, then I wish you luck and strength. From my experience, people who have quit become 1000x cooler than when they were drunkards so you’ll have that going for you… from SUPER COOL to SUPERx1000 COOL!!!

          I know it’s hard… I am proud of you for trying.

    • Love you Kraken!! I’m so glad you’ve made the giant leap to sobriety, that means you’ll be around with us longer.

      As for being separated from youth culture… well… from what I can tell the dudes all sit around vaping and the laydees take selfies so if you really want to continue being youthy you could try doing those things…

      OR you could be proud that you are a grownup doing grownup things. (like commenting on a reblogging site…LIKE ME)

    • Fantastic — congratulations! And to give up so much at once… cigs, sugar, etc etc. Really happy for you — keep us posted… xo

      Slightly OT — I really think Donk would be so much happier if she had an actual job… rather than hanging around all day getting ready for BM (or whatever the heck she is doing) — THEN she might have a sense of accomplishment and meet a nice group of people, rather than the slackers/grifters/RV dwellers she is hanging around with.

      (I am sure I sound like her grandmother… but this thought just popped into my head — KS — I am really glad you like your job — makes life so much easier! Congrats with everything — keep us posted!)

    • SO PROUD of you, my beloved Kraken, because you’ve done something difficult and amazing that I had absolutely no part in whatsoever. This. Is. Pride! Love ya tons!!1! Keep that biceps in the air, babe! I am so proud! xoxoxo Now, let’s talk about me. /inappropriate donkey

      Serious congrats, though. Your great news gladden my heart.

    • Mazel! That is amazing, congratulations. If you don’t mind sharing, did you go cold turkey? Any meetings or therapy? Still searching for a solution myself and looking for catlady tools. Thanks for the inspiration, Kraken.

    • That is wonderful news ks. Congratulations on all the steps toward health that you’ve accomplished.

    • Wonderful! and 40 is nothing; all the cool people are there. 😉 So proud of you, baby brother! (obligatory Donk joke)

    • Congratulations! And to give up all of those other things on top? INEFFABLE! You are hardcore and inspiring, KS. Nice work!

  7. My thoughts (and this is 100% speculation):
    -She had to find a different camp, or go independent. Camp Mystic didn’t want her back, because this year there are different requirements for all theme camps that involve actual work and closer adherence to Burning Man principles or they lose their privileges to camp next year.
    -She is going with Grape Nehi, her new enabler, role model, and only friend.
    -They either can’t afford an RV or can’t find a new camp that will admit them with one because they are sparkle ponies who don’t want to work. Plus she has run out of ways to grift for special privileges and free stuff. Nobody is buying her shit story anymore.

    Donkey is exactly the kind of do-nothing Burning Man doesn’t want to encourage. I suspect this is the last year she’ll go. She is already posting that joke about building the wall around San Francisco to keep the Burning Man attendees from returning. I think she knows her antics aren’t authentic or wanted and now she is preparing to ramp up her sour grapes routine.

    • no the woos are still supporting her

      Ariel White
      August 7 at 4:34pm · Edited ·
      my brilliant friend Julia Allison has just shared an excerpt from her forth coming book on happiness… it’s message is pithy, heart-full, on point, and desperately needed… check it out!
      And please send her prayers in this final stage of completion heart emoticon GO JULIA!

        • Hey, when you spell “forthcoming” as two words, even Donkey Allison seems brilliant. It’s the “desperately needed” part that sends me into gales of laughter. Nobody needs another white-person-discovers-spirituality memoir disguised as self-help slop.

        • yes it is the same excerpt. we do have a mutual friend maybe that is how i see it.

          • Such a resounding endorsement from yet another “Look at me, I invented sex!” self-proclaimed ‘priestess’ who can’t spell or punctuate, and who named herself after the Little Mermaid.

          • Jody England GOOOOOO, Julia!!! Can’t wait to read it. You’ve got this, babe! XO
            Like · 2 · August 8 at 3:32pm

            Vishen Lakhiani Wow. Julia that was some great writing
            Like · 3 · August 8 at 9:20pm

            Julia Allison Thank you Ariel White!!! You are an inspiration to me.
            Like · 1 · August 8 at 9:39pm

            Jeff Scult So good Julia!
            Like · 15 hrs

          • Oh. My. Greg.

            I can’t BELIEVE that someone would say “you are inspiration to me” unironically.

            Seriously, Donkey.

          • “When I’m confused about deep issues who’s (sic) answers have been eluding me for weeks, months or even years, one of the few people I turn to first is Ariel White. Her wisdom always gets me out of business conundrums and points me towards (sic) solutions I couldn’t even have imagined existed.”

            — Michael Ellsberg

          • Twee little mascots. Pink and white mascots. All the same size and shape. Oh, and turquoise. Women’s bodies are cute and twee, always pink, play with one today, so empowering!

          • Shiny Gilly is no relation! I repeat, I have no biological or other ties to the jackass going by Gillian Sky Walker.

            Ariel is a domain squatter? Jesus, these woos have a lot of time on their hands.

          • Ariel White invented a stuffed vagina with legs and wings called “My Little Yoni.” I have no idea why or what for.

          • Oh, that’s who she is!

            Why are these woos so obsessed with cunts? A feeling of kinship, perhaps?

      • If that excerpt from the book was the new happy Julia then maybe George Costanza’s old man really was calm when he was yelling “Serenity Now!”

      • I agree with Grifty, she’s persona non grata and is floundering since her trout pout alone isn’t enough any more. Sounds like she’s setting up to pretend like she’s too busy to attend this year. Or again, force her way in last minute. I suspect people are pushing her off and if someone backs out they’ll give her a spot.

      • The only reason these shitheads support anyone is for their own self-promotion.

  8. “Oh, Burning Man. Oh Burning Man. Oh, Burning Man. (sigh)
    You are SO MUCH WORK. Geez.” – Julia Allison

    “No, you are!” – Burning Man and pretty much every man

  9. Umm, Burning Man. Camp Mystic. I will so for sure be there to learn more about parenting by this tandem!

    http://campmystic.org/events

    Becoming the Parent you Always Wanted

    Your childhood was fucked up. Duh. How not to carry over the patterns, trauma and conditioning to your own children by becoming the secure, self-assured parent you always wanted.

    Day: Friday
    Time: 1:00 PM – 2:30 PM
    Facilitator: Ali Shanti with Michael Jacobs
    Place: The Healing Sanctuary

    • No inspirational talks on happiness or the benefits of marrying yourself by Donks. Avocado’s not scheduled to perform either.

      Burning Man is Sad Man this year.

    • It’s super ironic, but I just came here to point out that Shantitown’s perfect day does not involve her kids AT ALL:

      “What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?”
      I was surprised by how “boring” my answer was, but here goes:
      A perfect day for me would be waking up without an alarm at just the right time, rolling over, seeing Michael waking up at the same time, making love, getting up, drinking water and eating an avocado and then going for a walk or doing some other outdoor activity that moves my body.
      Then, coming home to sit at my computer, touch base with my online communities, and then write for 2.5 hours or so. Nothing on my calendar.
      A nourishing lunch and then biking to go to a meetup with a friend or community to move some project forward.
      Back home after for another touch in with my online communities, the opportunity to help someone with something.
      Then, dinner, smoke a little pot with Michael or a few friends, and another reading/writing session before bed.
      As I read through this, it feels so mundane, but it’s really all I want when I’m home.
      I do want to balance this with a lot of travel though. I would get bored if this was my everyday, all the time, I think. But here in Boulder, it’s perfect. If I was in Hawaii, I would swap in paddle boarding or snorkling for the hikes, but it would be basically the same.

      • That is sad. I’m trying to imagine myself at 15 at what it would have been like if my mother’s perfect day had involved getting high and sexing someone 7 years my senior.

        • Don’t know why I let my mind go there, but …

          What if yourself is just a six-year-old in 1st grade & the schlump your mom’s going to be boning in less than a decade is currently just a 13-year-old in jr high school?

          Think of the bus stop they shared …

      • She forgot to mention the pleasure she takes in her vocal warm-up exercises: “Me, me, me, ME, me, me, meeeeeeee”

      • I was surprised by how “boring” my answer was, but here goes:
        A perfect day for me would be waking up without any dignity or scruples at just the right time, rolling over, seeing Michael sobbing into his hoodie, making love (1 minute), getting up, drinking water and eating an avocado and then ignoring my children and their father.
        Then, coming home to sit at my computer, touch base with my online grifts, and then scam for 2.5 hours or so. Nothing in my bank account.
        A nourishing lunch and then biking to go to a hookup with an insane dentist.
        Back home after for another touch in with my online scaminars, the opportunity to help someone empty their savings (Mom).
        Then, dinner, smoke a little pot with Michael or a few friends, and another futon orgy before bed.
        As I read through this, it feels so mundane, but it’s really all I want when I’m home.

      • “helping someone with something” … that’s when she parents, when those goddam kids can’t think something through with the brain SOURCE GAVE THEM SOURCEDAMMIT. Those fuckers. Finish the goddam algebra yourself you little shit. Time for mommy to visit her pipe.

      • “..a meetup with a friend or community to move some project forward.”

        GREG, these fucking woos with their fucking PROJECTS all the fucking time. And what the fuck do all these PROJECTS result in? Absolutely fucking nothing. Just endless grifting, lying, delusion.

        I mean, I suppose the Manson Family had a PROJECT but at least they followed through with it. Jeezus.

        • Wow, I did not see the Manson commentary below- I guess all our subterranean feline-lovin’ senses are attuned on the same wavelength when it comes to these dirty lazy grifters.

          (I’m also reading The Invisible Bridge: The Fall of Nixon and The Rise of Reagan by the estimable Rick Perlstein. Both Reagan and Nixon won hugely by motivating disgust and revulsion against the hippie counterculture. They vastly exaggerated the size and scale of it, as well as its “depravity”, but I can see why that was effective, observing these woos. I mean, I’m a huge liberal, but if you can present your political opponent as championing the likes of Ali Shanti and all these layabouts- whoo, I can see why that was powerfully effective. Harnessing disgust. )

  10. That is so sad. As the mom of two kids close in age to Ali’s, my perfect day involves waking up and enjoying breakfast with them and going on a hike or bike ride with them, enjoying nature together, reconnecting with my real life family and friends for a big backyard dinner in the evening. Thankfully I have enjoyed this scenario several times this summer, so though life is never perfect I have many enjoyed many “perfect” moments.

    My idea of a nightmare is waking up with a 20-something unemployed, aspiring “shaman” “HipHop artist” in my bed (with beady Charles Manson-esque eyes to boot), on the verge of bankruptcy and with a scam of a “Business” to attend to. UGH.

    • Huggles. In my next life, I’m coming back as a turtle; leisurely travel with my house on my back, that’s the ticket.

    • As I systematically got rid of my “stuff” over the last five years the way he said “stuff” often played in my head. If you can’t find humor in loss of “stuff” then what to you have?

  11. Hi guys! Been a long time since I posted… the grifter woo Julia is too boring for me, I miss Prom King/Pancakes Julia 🙁 🙁

    But a high school acquaintance is all over Facebook about her “book” and blog on happiness and it makes my eyes roll so hard, as well as think of Julia. This girl is also part of some MLM fitness/wellness shake scheme and posts about that nonstop too. She’s branding herself as a “happiness guru” and it’s just the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. Her “book” is most definitely going to be of the self-published e-book variety – but I guess it’s better than Julia, whose book will never happen!

    • Could your acquaintance be related to the dirty woos in some way? These grifters all seem to be connected in some shape or form.

      And I agree — Woo Julia is pretty damn boring, but I think she’s run out of new personas to suck the life out of.

  12. You Must Remember this is getting me through a big chunk of data entry at work and it’s awesome. Highly recommend.

    • I just listened to the first Manson episode, and as an Old who lived during this time, man, she makes a lot of mistaken assumptions about the culture before all this happened. For instance: the Doors were over as soon as they became popular? Um, no. Or that there were no movies geared toward young people leading up to the mid ’60s…ignoring all the beach movies and Elvis movies and the Beatles movies. or that Bonnie and Clyde was some great shift to movies made by the youth of that age that were not taken seriously by the public…uh, no, that didn’t happen either. She also pronounces a lot of stuff wrong. Setting aside a lot of other Get Off My Lawn observations, I am intrigued enough to continue listening. But know she is off base about a lot of stuff that happened before her time. A friend of mine was married to one of the Doors…so I even have inside scoop.

      • I think you’re both right! She is a very engaging podcaster, but for sure gets some things wrong at times. I never mind that, because I am the kind of old lady who likes to talk back to the TV/radio/iPod.

        • Ha! I was doing that too. And even if she gets some stuff wrong, there were other things she got me thinking about. And I am always appreciative of people delving into vintage pop culture. Just wished she’d done a little more research and interviewed people who actually lived during that time (hello…we aren’t dead yet) instead of relying on her own assumptions.

        • OT, but my mom does that too (talk back to TV etc.) and it’s quite awesome, in the original sense of the word too, at times. She is the worst political junkie I know, the kind of person whose perfect day (ha) basically consists of watching 12 hours of parliamentary interpellations and then some TV debate of assholes she can yell at. I have great respect for that kind of thing.

      • holy shit I love LOVE the Doors, please tell me MORE!

        THE DOORS WILL NEVER BE OVER.

    • So service-ey! Thank you. I’m doing a bunch of data entry at work also and have been looking for something new to pass the time with. I’ll check it out. Also, I am very interested in Charles Manson, which is hard to explain in a non-creepy way.

  13. The glitter nail/teabag post shows bitter scoldy donkey in her element.

    I guess they didn’t fall rapidly into an intimacy from which they never recovered. Looks like this mark didn’t even last past her usual three months.

    • Does this bish even have “love” to awaken? She has showed zero signs of loving ANYTHING the whole time I’ve been watching this show.

        • I really think (hope?) she’s trolling us with the nails. I can’t believe anyone would think this looks good. Then again, I have no doubts that she seriously loved her sausage curls and grime on shoes, so, hard to tell.

  14. OOOOH… Deep words of woman wisdom from Bob Marley on a tea bag. Bob Marley notoriously cheated on his wife and allegedly raped her.
    Might want to stick to Taylor Swift, Donkey. Your amateur card in the Woo club is showing again.

      • I haven’t been to a wedding in yonks, but someone told me that it is now a thing to play “Single Ladies” as a prelude to the bride’s bouquet toss. That could have actually gotten me out on the floor for it, too!

  15. and sad I know beaver Moody used that extremely trite “well played” phrase, as if everyone is on pins and needles for your pithy observations

  16. According to its Facebook page, Jedi Jewelry is going out of business so that its CEO can focus on being a hip hop dj. Big clearance sale; everything must go.

  17. Can we talk about his idiocy?

    Michael Jacobs Yesterday at 10:41am ·
    Looking for a Gift for Your Goddess (or God)?
    I am currently in a massive transition with Jedi Jewelry.
    I am officially featuring my jewelry in a store here in Boulder and I have mixed feelings about announcing that the Jedeye Jewelry line is almost out!

    • We can, and Tobias Funke would like to weigh in, as he did when Skankatron was practically giving away the money map. The star connector was covered in mud and running around Costa Rica, while her kids and her ex-husband were back in Boulder, stealing sugar packets from MacDonald’s.

      “Never again will these jedi earrings be offered at this record low price so grab them now, this afternoon, right this rhinestone minute! Ali’s kids and her ex-husband haven’t had anything to eat for days and I’m determined to get them some bullion cubes. How else will I win Best Parenting Speech at Camp Septic?! And scene.”

      funke

    • my jewelry

      He doesn’t make it, does he? He gets it from A Brown Person in A White Resort Town and re-sells it, correct? Shamanic! Spiritual!

  18. Oh good. Ali is leading her listserv straight down her well-trodden path to bankruptcy:

    Hi ________
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    Here is a testimonial from a recent client:

    “I attended a webinar with Alexis, Ari and Mike a little while ago which I found very informative. On Alexis Neely’s recommendation, I signed up for the program and currently have $80,000 of 0% business credit lines at my disposal. None of these credit lines Credit Card Builders helped to set up show up on my personal credit report. Having this credit available to cover short falls or expenses during slower months has been very helpful and having the ability to access funds gives us the ability to take advantage of opportunities that arise from time to time that require a little bit more money than we would otherwise have available.”
    – Steve Harkess, Colorado Legal Solutions

    Join us live Wednesday, 8/12.
    Choose your time by clicking here.

    Keep in mind that this is tax-free unsecured Business credit that can be used as cash to pay for just about anything.

    Some people use it for creating passive income, general monthly expenses, consolidate debt and pay down high-interest credit cards, while others use it to start a business (or grow an existing one), invest in real estate or alternative investments.

    The cool thing is these cash credit lines aren’t tied to personal assets and don’t show up on your personal credit report. You also don’t need to have a ‘business’ to qualify.

    We’ve scheduled three online webinars for this coming Wednesday, 8/12. So if you’re a U.S. resident and have an interest in exploring this proven funding option further, be sure to register today:

    Click here to register.

    Your friend on the inside,

    -Alexis Neely
    Eyes Wide Open Life, Co-Founder

    PS. Get this CREDIT BONUS shown below $297 value – for Joining us.

    • Access to Credit Report- Essential for keeping your FICO scores high
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    You can update your information or unsubscribe here. If you unsubscribe, you will lose access to any materials you have purchased from us or have received as a free gift, so don’t use this link if you don’t want that to happen. Instead, use your email settings to filter us into a folder you check intentionally when you want to access those materials. Feel free to hit reply and provide feedback as well. Ali reads all of it. And no matter what, have a great eyes and heart wide open day! xoxox

      • “Your friend on the inside.” Prophetic much? Actually self-prophetic much? Turkey feather extensions are the new orange.

      • It staggers me, the shadiness of it all. “We’ll tell you how to get a line of credit for your business at 0% interest” along with, “you don’t even need to own a business”. Just, audacious. Scammer, fraud, and fuck these people.

    • All loans are tax free. There are no $80,000 interest free loans unless someone is scamming an educational loan or planning in advance to declare bankruptcy or they have a rich uncle. If your loan doesn’t show up on your personal credit report, presumably because it is set up through an LLC or something, but you’re tapping it for personal monthly expenses and debt payments, you may be engaged in credit fraud. Note the “business” in quotation marks. Hilariously, Colorado legal solutions appears to be a bankruptcy law firm. Yes, it all sounds pretty “cool.”

    • Some follower on her Facebook page just wrote “money amplifies our natural state of being.” What does that even mean? Did this come from the mad lobs for woospeak game?

  19. Christ she honestly truly believes that it’s them, it’s not her. They have just failed to love her, not that she has driven them away with her insanity. CLUE IN FUCKFACE.

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