Updated: Experiments in Crappiness: Julia Allison Climbs Up From The Abyss & You Can Too!

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The tho inthpiring introducthion:

EXCERPT from my book, “EXPERIMENTS IN HAPPINESS”
(to be published by St. Martin’s Press)

++++++++++++++

CLIMBING OUT OF THE SKEPTICISM

“For a civilization so fixated on achieving happiness, we seem remarkably incompetent at the task.” – The Antidote

It’s hard to tell a tale of redemptive transformation in this day and age. Maybe it’s because we’re always just one google search away from someone’s flaws, someone’s humanity. Maybe that’s because we’re taught to wear the armor of the skeptic, to wallow in negativity, to disbelieve or discount or dismiss anything earnest as “trite,” anything loving as “saccharine,” and anything that espouses the power of metaphorical rebirth as “delusional.” If we see someone engaged in a kind or altruistic act, we look underneath that for the “real motivation.”

To those who evolve their worldviews, who continue to integrate new information and to change their perspectives accordingly, we accuse them of “flip-flopping.” We whine “you’ve changed,” to a friend who starts to make new, better choices (choices that might not include hanging out with us anymore). What we are in fact saying: “You must stay the same, and you must stay stuck.” We tease people for reading self-help books, for wanting a better life for themselves. We look down on those who make personal growth a prominent part of their lives. That will never work, we insinuate with our arched eyebrows, with our judgmental tone. We say, “Good luck with that.” And we do not mean it.

If – despite our best attempts – they continue to plough forward on the path to renewal, we use the most powerful weapon of all: shame. You’re selfish, we insinuate. Searching is selfish. Focusing so much on yourself is selfish. Existential dread is something to be handled quickly, like a rash. If you really want to help people, go to Africa. Go to a soup kitchen. Go feed the homeless.

They’re trying to do something better with their lives, trying to sort out their own meaning, their own life purpose, and we tell them they’re not doing it right, they’re not doing it the way we would (not the way we are, of course – the way we would. If we had the time. And the money. And the energy. And the fearlessness.) We heap value judgments upon them like Thanksgiving dinner, and it’s no surprise everyone feels sick afterward.

If all that doesn’t work, we conjure a storm of global fear with our words. We recite depressing statistics to shut people up, to shut them down. We remind them of the “50% divorce rate,” of the recidivism inherent in people attempting to kick additions. We pummel them with stories of war and rape and homicide, the impending apocalypse or the imminent collapse of the financial systems. We send them links to articles about fallen heroes and celebrities gone awry, mothers who killed their children, men who threw acid in their wives’ faces. We bring up taxes, sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, 9/11.

THIS is reality, we pound into them. THIS disgusting mess is reality. Why should you try to climb out of that? No one else has.

Except that isn’t true.

Some people have climbed out of that.

I’ve climbed out of it, and I’m here to give you a hand. Let’s get out of here, together.

Tho thmug! No doubt Grape Nehi, “Best Roommate EVER,” and “my girl” Taryn will need some help climbing out of the abyss after listening to Jess Johnson caterwauling at San Francisco’s “most exclusive” private club, The Battery.

Update: Donkey posted the tacky introduction to her OMG! St. Martin’s book over a day ago and thus far has received only four comments. Four! Jesus, I don’t have a lot of FB pals, much less 140K bought fans in the ‘stans, but I know I’d have gotten much more than the likes of Thorney blowing kisses:

334 COMMENTS

  1. CWAA.

    Grape Nehi’s face just says, “This bitch.”

    Where are all the “sisters” she’s accumulated over the years???

    Oh yeah. They all dumped her. Just like all the men.

    Sorry, cunt, but few people are pathetic enough to be on your level. You deserve every bit of unhappiness you ever feel, and then some.

    • I saw the snaps and thought Donkey might finally be transitioning out of her woo persona, but not if she’s listening to woo extraordinaire Jess Johnson destroy melody. Jesus Christ, the insufferable Susan Powter’s voice is like nails traveling down the chalkboard. Here she is enticing investors in Cory Tanner Glazier’s vegan meals co. I would have walked while listening to the stone butch’s intro:

      https://vimeo.com/134338819

      Jess Magic SHOWS UP BIG TIME for the MediMeals Team as she brings her special gifts of weaving improvisational song to support the passion work of for-benefit entrepreneurs.

      Listen as she meets the audience where they're at, weaves in specific brand elements and leaves everybody off more inspired, connected and energized!

      She offers corporate services, private customized song writing and online group work to support you to 'Free Your Voice' as well. Contact her for more info: heartliberation@gmail.com

  2. OH FOR GREG’S SAKE.

    I’m sure other commenters will be more coherent than I am right now, but
    1. CWAA
    2. “attempting to kick additions,” wow, that is the tip of the Great Editing iceberg. I feel for whatever editor was forced to work on this but COME ON.
    3. all this royal We For the sake of talking about how shitty every non-Woo is… give me a fucking break. it’s the same old story of her being bullied and persecuted. it has never occurred to this woman that some of the people supposedly shitting on her “happiness” with reality aren’t just cynical realists. they are people working for justice and just WORKING at real jobs and YES, it is selfish to be able to flap your privileged botoxed lips all over the place and all the really tragic shit in this world. oh you rose above the assault on black and brown bodies?! you climbed out of statistics about millions of children living in poverty and dying of preventable causes?? you are just somehow floating above the worldwide refugee crisis and none of this is as “real” as tripping your balls out at Burning Man?

    FUCK YOU.

    acknowledging reality and rejecting the ME ME ME of Woo culture and the ME ME ME of Julia Allison’s whole life doesn’t mean i can’t also try to change some of this shit. But I sure hate trying to alongside the JA’s of this world. ugh

  3. CWAA!! None of this is selfish or shame-worthy if it is genuine and consistent! None of anything Donkey has EVERYTHING done is genuine or out of any motivation except self-promotion and ego-stroking. She has not learned and employed a single thing she’s sat through in endless lectures or read in countless self-help books. Yet she claims she has transformed herself and can help others do that too? It is to laugh, long and hard. POSEUR.

  4. Is that bottom photo recent? Is the Donkey really still doing the smug shit? What the hell does she have to be smug about now? Her face annoys me greatly.

    • Brand new. She was palling around with Jess Johnson in La La Land. Jess sang for Cory’s investors last week and Cory gave a shout out to Julie in one of those posts. So, is Donkey in San Diego? Even more pressing, WHERE’S LILY?!

      • One thing we know for sure is that cheap lace was on sale.

      • Good gravy! That romper looks like it was in the clearance bin at Ross Dress for Less. Add one elastic 4 inch red be
        T and you are ready to party! Hello fellas!

    • It’s so LOL worthy. Taryn Souther has the same expression but she’s 10 year’s younger, beautiful and has a gorgeous bod, never mind successful in her field. I’ve always been surprised she’s not on a hit sitcom. I wonder why Taryn deals with a braying donkey. I do not get it.

      • Taryn’s 29. Julie shouldn’t look as much older than that as she does!

        SCHEME JUICES NOT ELIXIR OF YOUTH

        • That chick has the gaping maw too all over instagram. Who told them that was cute? They lied.

      • Look how giant Julia’s head is next to Taryn’s. It is almost like a party trick .

    • Word. This is why the smug confuses me so much. Julie next to Taryn appears to be built like a brick shithouse. Julia is contorting (as usual, note the right shoulder.. so weird), yet still looks twice as thick. WHY THE SMUG, JULIE?

      • Taryn is also good friends with Codename TK – why be friends with someone who made such a mental display at the end of a band sesh with one of your friends? A guy who could not have been more clear he did not want his name out there (because you’re a donkey, Donkey) and then she leaked it everywhere.

        I’d be enraged except for the sweet sweet Karma. How’s age 35 looking, Julia?

        • It never fails to shock me how many people continue to associate with Donkey publicly ever after they have first hand knowledge of the awful, heinous things she does. I’m talking about Ricky Van Veen, Karp, Meghanise. Sure, none of these people talk to her now, but they all hung in WAY longer than they should have considering the antics that they had to have had knowledge of.

    • That’s why she’s twisting, contorting, leaning in and trying to elongate her body all at the same time. It’d be so much easier if she’d just carry a neon sign that flashed insecure.

    • Taryn is like the poor man’s Heather Graham (who is like the poor man’s someone else; but never mind, I forgive her all for her association with Flowers in the Attic.)

  5. Is that a blue lace romper? A blue? Lace? Romper?

    And Scoldy Donkey fucking sucks. Oh, yeah, feeding the homeless would be the easy way out, but Donkey’s going to do the much harder work of dressing up in costumes and getting high with other rich white thirty-somethings at festivals of self-indulgence.

    Looks like the Nobels for Literature and Peace are going to have to be combined next year!

    Fuck her. Fuck her little tiny selfish mind, and her enormous toxic ego.

    • How dare people suggest that humanitarian efforts such as feeding the homeless or “going to Africa” (as in “distributing medicines in Africa,” “digging wells in Africa,” “teaching kids to read in Africa,” or “lounging by the pool in Africa?” Choose your own adventure) have anything to do with altruism when there’s alchemization and actualization and heated growth to be done.

    • “We heap value judgments upon them like Thanksgiving dinner, and it’s no surprise everyone feels sick afterward.” lolwut

      • I want to go on the record and say I don’t heap judgment on my TG dinner.

        I also don’t patronize bunny rabbits.

        • Also? “Why” do “we” feel the “need” to put “scare quotes” all over the “hot farting” prose?

          • “We whine “you’ve changed,” to a friend who starts to make new, better choices (choices that might not include hanging out with us anymore).”

            Didn’t “we” just post about “this issue” line one month “ago?” How people have “too much space” in their homes “and not in their hearts” for their friends “(by which I mean you, “Brit” you neglectful “hosebeast”)”?

          • Someone stop me. I could go all night.

            Bless her for being such a stupid bitch “all the time.” We thank “you” Julia!

          • “We” really need to stop bringing up things like “famine” and “abortion” because it’s really harshing Rainbow’s “mellow” okay?

          • OMG. You just made me belly laugh so hard it made my laptop jiggle.

            I was watching Mad Men season 7 2014 last night and it made me think of you. I miss our Mad Men texts.

        • We conjure a storm of fear with our “words”…. and with Majjiina’s “wizard staff.”

    • huge pronoun problem and viewpoint shifting in that drekky piece of prose. Poor, poor editor.

  6. … of the recidivism inherent in people attempting to kick additions.

    Of the fulfillment of self-incalcitating smorgasbords of vilification satisfactorily impressing and elucidating – ameliorating panaceas of “progressive montage” – the careful sang froid of elision in a proprietary measure of sanctioned self-abandonment before olly olly oxen free.

  7. I “think” that “a certain asshole” has absolutely no “content” and “not a thought in” her head without “us.” She thinks a “lot” of people will want “to” read her “justifications” for her rudi”cu”lous, empty, narcissistic, Daddy Day Care of a “life,” but she is “wrong.” And very stupid. “”

    • The more “words” than “necessary” mess of an EXCERPT from her “book,” is this the “edited” version? She’s still saying nothing. All.Those.Words.And.Nothing.

  8. Her book is lacking in any truth which translates to lack of sales (unless of course she uses a PR firm to front the purchases through Amazon to get ranked and returns the books). Congratulations St. Martin’s Press who’ll be handing out free Experiements in Happiness “book-sized” coasters until the end of time.

    • “Yes, Ms. Allison, your book is over on the remainder table. Not a lot of call for this sort of stuff at Walmart. Folks are just trying to make their rent and hoping not to have to skip breakfast.”

      • Even “the people of Walmart” have better taste than Julia. Is this excerpt release just in time to trump Shanti’s Priestess woo garbage with the merry band of the unwashed released in a few day? Laaaadiiesss don’t forget about MY book

      • They can stick them next to Majiiiiiiiii’s album.

  9. … people attempting to kick additions

    I tried kicking additions to the curb, but … MATH IS HARD!

  10. are they so desperate for cash that mom$3r buckled down and produced enough verbiage to (1) not have to return the first part of the advance (2) qualify for the second part of the advance

    related: based on a donkey’s own say-so that mom$3r was her, ahem, editor, the posts she formerly posted on her “lifecasting” are evidence of a tiny and bitter mind that isn’t the slightest bit cute; rude, crass, narrow minded; apparently it’s inherited

  11. You guys, this book is directed at the catladies and anybody in her life who just can’t accept her (which is…everybody). This important journalist/social media expert/dating expert/ personal brander/performance artist/dancer wrote it for us!

    Awww, us.

    • I think it is primarily geared at her family. She so desperately wants their approval and it infuriates her that they don’t accept her lifestyle. If she was paying for it herself it wouldn’t matter, but she’s not, so this is all basically teenage rebellion at age 34, arrested development and an inability to face reality. The world doesn’t become utopian simply because you wish it to be so. If she had to earn her own living she would quickly get a reality check.

      When your whole life has been and is centered around finding a husband who will pay for everything, who the fuck are you to preach that other people’s lives are shallow and meaningless?

      • She couldn’t hustle up a single wallet. Diggers a decade younger than she is are already shedding their starter marriages, getting their first fuck you money, and moving on to bigger game. She even fails at being a golddigger.

        she can’t even do reprehensible right

  12. This whole piece seems like a response piece – a donkey stomping her feet at anyone with a job, career, man or purpose who dare judger her for being the laziest lazy who ever lazy-d. DONKEY IS GROWING! EVEN IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW OR WHY! (Answer: With Daddy;s money & because it makes her feel like she’s doing something.)

    Stop judging, everyone. You see a busted face unemployed 35 year old donkey. But SHE’S. SO. MUCH, MORE. (not really but give her that, she has nothing else, after all.

  13. If we see someone engaged in a kind or altruistic act, we look underneath that for the “real motivation.”

    Like …. buying tennies monogrammed w/ your own name for a cancer walk you’ll brag about doing although of course, in true d0nkey fashion, you never get off your deflated raft ass & do?

    Like … tweeting in Cindy McCain’s direction that you’re participating in a Wounded Warriors fundraiser although of course, in true d0nkey fashion, you do not?

    Like … patting yourself on that gargantuan noggin of yours for having Dad$er write a check for your taxes & claiming that you made a donation to the IRS?

    Like … purposely burning sweet potatoes so you can fauxtograph how twee & ditzy you are in the kitchen, which was part of a charity meal for less fortunate on Thanksgiving Day?

    Yeah, we can smell your “motivation” a mile away, you scheme juice butterface bitch.

      • fenced compound in Daly City is more Donkey’s speed. Oakland must be kept clear for “ecstatic dance.”

      • And then they can hire all the black people to deliver corn to the poors in Oakland. Not only will that provide jobs and feed the hungry, it gets all those poor and black people out of her city. Win win! Now if only she could some up with a plan for those pesky Asians.

    • This line should read, “Don’t comment on my scheme juices! My scheme juices are my business not yours!”
      Donkey has always thought she was super clever and elusive when she’s actually as opaque as a glass of water.

  14. I was looking at Taryn Southern’s fawning, presumably self-penned IMDB entry and I’m calling bullshit:

    In her teens, Taryn ventured into the world of television hosting and lead several teen talk shows on the WB and PBS. At the age of 19, Taryn graduated from the University of Miami and received degrees in Anthropology and Mixed Media Journalism.

    Two college degrees at 19? Taryn doesn’t strike me as a whiz kid. Could she be lying about her age and so needs to cover has ass re: UM?

    Also, this explains the donkey connection:

    For her senior thesis, she received a grant to study the tribal use of the hallucinogenic drug “ayahuasca” in the Peruvian Amazon.

  15. THIS disgusting mess is reality. Why should you try to climb out of that? No one else has.
    Except that isn’t true.
    Some people have climbed out of that.
    I’ve climbed out of it.

    You guys, I agree with her. She has definitely climbed out of reality … and up her own stink hole. CWAA.

    • That’s how I read it too but that would mean that she was “in realty” at one point and we all know that’s never happened.

  16. Well, that’s all pretty butthurt. If this “book” gets “published,” won’t folks seek out what the author — one of the few brave souls ever to climb out of our dark reality — has accomplished? Since she has become enlightened and all? And they will find: no job, no partner, no friends, no follow-through on anything other than getting high and stroking out on dusty stages for the last, what, 2+ years? For someone who admits she sucks at taking criticism, it seems to me she’s opening herself up to another round from an even broader audience with this “book”.

    Also, Gilly, you posted the kindest of the three fauxtos of Donkerina in her belted underpants. This one is not so kind:

    donkeyfest

    • LOL @ D0nk using Taryn’s hand to cover up her biggo knee.
      Good luck w/ that, Porkchop.

    • Re: that more flattering fauxto, I was engaging in “redemptive transformation,” Lurker. But I suppose “you” wouldn’t “understand.”

    • It looks like Donkey is trying to make Taryan touch her in her no-no place. It’s inappropriate to molest your friends (or “friends”, in Donkey’s case) in public, Julia! Or at all.

  17. Her post, awfully written and insulting to 99 percent of the population–is actually kind of an interesting study. Not just in the woo mindset, but actually the mindset of a lot of eastern religious folk (maybe even religious folks in general).

    The idea of transcending the ordinary reality, rising above the body or the “ordinary” mind is one that I’ve seen filtering through everything from Eckhart Tolle to Joseph Goldstein to Mother Theresa…

    This notion that our consensus reality is full of distractions, full of materialism that makes us unhappy, the avoidance of the now, etc. etc.

    Many yoga classes and beginner’s meditation classes discuss these sorts of ideas.

    After a couple of decades spent practicing meditation and reading tons of stuff by Buddhist and New Age gurus, priests and monks…I came to the conclusion that most of it is cut from this same cloth.

    The idea that there is some “true reality” like Plato’s Cave, that if we just pay attention long enough, hard enough…we can become extraordinary in our ordinariness. We become so ordinary, so “in the moment” that we’re actually happy under all conditions, no matter what.

    We become like a rock, immovable no matter the causes or conditions in our lives.

    This kind of promise is appealing to those, like myself, who felt like they struggled to fit into society, who felt less than, insecure, unloved and unwanted.

    At the core of Julia’s little “essay” beats the pulse of that entire mindset–not just woo culture but the culture of religious transcendence–which tells us that there is something better if we only IMPROVE ourselves enough in various ways.

    Do more yoga, eat more vegetables, stretch, meditate, be in the moment, breathe, be in the moment, smile, laugh, have catharsis. Make a practice of this. Whatever you do, don’t just be like everyone else, living in society, distracted, on your phone, working, buying the latest toy–trying to find a mate, have a child, a new job….

    Perhaps there is some truth in these activities, but for myself, I found that after nearly two decades of meditation and all of the junk I poured into my brain from people like Jidda Krishnamurti and various zen masters and enlightened gurus–I have been much happier and relaxed when I just stopped believing any of that crap.

    I went after my dreams, became a writer, bought a house with my wife whom I love, have a couple of dogs, watch TV and movies and basically live a regular life.

    It was when I stopped trying to live in the moment that my moments became worth something more to me. And I feel like there is a whole generation, maybe even multiple generations, caught up in this idea that came over from the East–this idea of enlightenment and spiritual transcendence, and it’s just another trip to nowhere.

    It’s like any fitness fad, any spiritual fad, and so I guess I’m one of those cynical folks she’s ranting at. I know the feeling, because when you are in that spiritual bubble, you feel like maybe it’s not working. Something inside you says maybe this is all just bullshit because I can’t hack life, I can’t hack living like a regular person.

    And it makes you even more angry because why doesn’t everyone else see how amazing it can be to “be conscious” and more aware and in the moment?

    Except, for me, I realized eventually it was just one more ego trip, one more bullshit excuse to avoid figuring out my regular old life.

    Sorry for the long diatribe…

    • shorter: get your parents to support you, or work really hard to get yourself where you want to go

    • Unhappy people search and what they were really looking for was brutal self-honesty. Those that are honest with themselves will find hapiness and those that aren’t will keep searching. She has nothing to teach because she has never learned and will keep searching..

      • Yeah, when you are unhappy you can become desperate for a fix.

        If you look for a fix, one will emerge, frequently not one that helps the actual problem that needs “fixing,” either…

      • The happier, healthier Julia who makes sure to tell everyone how she wasn’t happy and healthy six months before, but NOW! Now she is SO HAPPY!

        What a fucking nutter-butter.

        It’s like Naomi Watts’s character in “I Heart Hucksbee’s” – which has a fantastic and hilarious woo element to it if you all haven’t seen it. She’s the face of a department store brand and in the height of losing it she starts making ‘honest’ commercials, like, “These shirts are the best! Last year, last season, not so good. But this time we mean it! These shirts are the TRUTH!”

        It’s fantastic.

    • I like everything about what you wrote here, and I want to read whatever else you write!

    • This is a good point. I also think people forget what actual Buddhism is about, they get so caught up in hot yoga and having the right sacred geometry print on their scarves. The fundamental tenet of Buddhism is that ALL LIFE IS SUFFERING. Buddhists are not using meditation or yoga or vegetarianism to ESCAPE suffering!

      All this paradigm shifting and transformations and money mapping…these are just another way for an overgrown baby to say “I’M SCARED!”

      • I see your point, but the four noble truths include “the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering.”

        That’s what’s called Nirvana. Now, Buddhists don’t often cling to the idea that you’ll actually reach nirvana in this lifetime, but it’s certainly a core belief for many Buddhists.

        • I agree with you and appreciate the clarification. I just don’t think many real Buddhists are trying to run from pain and sorrow in this lifetime, nor shore up earthly treasures a la Mistress Money Mapstress.
          Annnnd I think the better class of Buddhist tries to help others achieve Nirvana before going for it themselves. Like no real Buddhist would brag about how ENLIGHTENED or TRANSFORMED she is.

          • Yeah, certainly most aren’t gratuitous about it like Julia.

            Although, from years spent in that cultural milieu, I’d say that there is an undercurrent of her escapist thinking that runs through much of it.

            Which was sort of what I was after. Julia is just a very loud, arrogant, ignorant version of what I feel many Eastern religious types are engaging in very subtly.

            That by trying to be in the moment and face suffering head on, there’s a hope of transcending it.

            Obviously that’s not quite what Julia and the festival circuit types are doing–and they are way more obnoxious about it than the vast majority of Buddhists, who are simply ordinary people doing their best…

    • Haha…Julia will weep through the trailer, picturing herself as the beautiful female love interest.

  18. 1. It took her 16 days to post the pictures from The Battery? I scrolled through Taryn’s facebook and she posted a similar picture on the 9th.

    2. Does she force her roommates to wear her clothes? First Toilet Julia with the teal lace dress and now her current roommate is wearing her unflattering zipper dress with her overpriced woo bracelets.

    • Ahh, that explains her 4th of July themed manicure. And possibly 4th of July themed outfit?

    • And, of course, she forced all of her bridesmaids at her self wedding into her poly-crap dresses.

  19. “We heap value judgments upon them like Thanksgiving dinner”

    Do we really heap Thanksgiving dinner on people? I thought it was heaped on plates, but whatever…

    • Maybe it could’ve read:
      “We heap value judgments upon them like cranberry sauce and gravy heaped on Thanksgiving dinner plates”

      LOL

    • The adjective “value” bothers me here. Why is it necessary; come to that, what does it mean in this context? (Actually, what are value judgements as opposed to ordinary judgements? Is it to differentiate a legal term of art?) And “heaping?” Heaping value judgements? These are all rhetorical questions; we know from long experience that Donkey can always be depended upon to throw in an unnecessary word whenever possible (for that extra four bucks — that’s what she gets paid by the word, in case you didn’t know.)

      • For someone who brags about being on the debate team, she uses a pretty standard debate term (value judgment) incorrectly all the time. In debate, the value is the ascribed judgment criterion for the round. Usually it is something like ‘Justice,’ ‘Utilitarianism,’ or ‘Equality.’ Occasionally it is something my obscure like daeontology.

        Of course, value debates are out of style because values are personal and value debates tend to spiral into debating the value of the value.

        Anyhow, I don’t think there is any point in pondering this because she’s just throwing words at a page in an effort to sound pedantic.

        • I am always so impressed with the larnin’ the catladies on here bring to the table/heap upon us! No, srsly, I have gained much arcane knowledge (my favorite kind) courtesy of RBD and its commenters. So thx for this.

    • Like everything she writes, it is absolutely terrible , and pretty much unreadable. I really had to work on that short intro above. I can’t imagine what a slog her actual book will be. I was hoping for fun foolishness that I could point and laugh at, not that kind of word salad mess.

      The premise that the rest of the world just doesn’t get it and we should put down our soup kitchen ladles and go read a self help book is absurd. Thank you for your interest, unhappiest person in the world, constantly crying on the inside. I can see that since you have no friends and drive men away like a loaded Thanksgiving dinner plate, I have a lot to learn from you.

      • I mentally pictured you “accidentally” hitting her in the head with a turkey leg at the end of that.

  20. Also, I do make value judgements all the time. It is like a hobby for me. Some things really are trite and saccharine. But it is the insincere and disengenuous that cause me to judge. If I felt like Julia was doing her own thing, earnestly trying to make her mark on the world, I would be all, “Come on! Sure she is awkward and awful, but she believes in this thing and we should let her fly that flag. Leave her alone.” There is nothing she does that doesn’t feel like scheming to me. So I feel free to judge and laugh.

  21. She’s been working on this for a year? a year and a half at least? And this is what she has?
    It reads like an essay I threw out ten minutes before class freshman year because I forgot to do the homework assignment.

    • I read that as “She’s been working out for a year? a year and a half at least? And this is what she has?”

    • Two years. Her book proposal was at the end of the summer of 2013, I think. Last summer she was smugly not doing any of the things in her book proposal, and marrying herself.

      • Going to Burning Man was in her book proposal, to be fair.

        Remember how she was going to live in Malaysia? And do crafts with seniors?

        • Drive around the country in her RV, which she already owned. Then she was going to marry Devin a lot of times.

          • Too bad she forgot to ask Devin if he wanted to marry her even once before writing that.

          • Which Devin sold because he needs the money (or his new gf wanted him to cut all ties with her).

    • Uhh, she’s had since Fall of 2013 to crank out “something” …
      & “THIS” is what two & a half years of “writing” amounts to?

      “Uhm, er, oops” would be an understatement. Poor editor …

    • Consider this: this has to be her INTRO. If she says, “Come with me on my adventure” at the end, or whatever, this has to be the fucking INTRO for her book.

      So two years in, all she has is a bitchy intro shaming people for asking her to think about something other than herself and do something meaningful.

      • I really struggled to get through this. By the end of the first large paragraph, I had already lost track at least 3 times. There is no way I would buy this if I happened to pick it up and glance at it. The tone is also so incredibly bitchy and bitter. It reeks of someone trying to justify their poor behaviour and choices. It sounds like one of the unhappiest and nastiest people in the world wrote this. Reading even this small ‘introduction’ made me feel euch. Surely they won’t publish this as the intro to a book on happiness? I would expect the intro to be upbeat, not some bint hating on people who try to hold her accountable for her life and actions.

        • It sounds like one of the unhappiest and nastiest people in the world wrote this.

          Yep yep yep. So, congrats, Donkey, on finding an authentic authorial voice! Your bile and scheme juices seep through.

        • “It reeks of someone trying to justify their poor behaviour and choices.”

          This sentence can be used to describe just about anything Julia has ever written.

        • I mean, it’s an awfully dark intro to a book about happiness, right? Or is that just me?

          • I just re-read it with as much of a neutral, open mind as I could conjur. And you’re right. It starts with the assumption that society is pretty shitty toward other people, that you dear reader may be part of the shitty cycle, then takes a defensive stance about “improving” oneself.

            So motivational, our Donkey.

          • I think that’s because in her mind it was never a book about happiness. It is Donkey’s version of “Welcome to Me.”

  22. Do you think it’s a coincidence that she published a “book” excerpt at the same time all her woo sisters are braying about the release of their goddess book elsewhere on fb?!

    • They didn’t include her ’cause she’s an horrific writer …
      & D0nkey’s response unintentionally proves ’em right.

    • I’m pretty certain she vomited this word salad as a direct response to said goddess book.
      She’s tryin’ to be all, “Oh, you have an e-book coming out? Well, that’s cute. I have a real book coming out.”

      • Which is exactly why “(to be published by St. Martin’s Press)” is stated directly under the title.

        This ain’t no e-book, people. THIS IS SUCCESS.

        • funny that she says “to be published” as opposed to something like “coming in spring 2016 from st. martin’s press”. *IF* the book is still a go, she has to know when it’s going to come out, so why so vague?

  23. For those of us who have been around since the Nonsociety era, the picture (sausage curls! good side of the face! sort-of DVF outfit! sisters!!) sort of reminds me of the good old days. Watching that era unfold > watching the woo era unfold.

  24. “I’ve climbed out of it, and I’m here to give you a hand. Let’s get out of here, together.”

    Transbraytion: Let me tell you about me, because I love talking about me, and anyhow it’s really the only thing I know how to do. My keys to happiness are never having a job, traveling pointlessly (but rarely internationally and never because I want to experience and learn about different cultures), taking drugs, stalking men, and marrying myself at Burning Man. Underpinning all of this is a level of privilege afforded to very few, so aren’t I amazing?! Adore me. What? Wait, come back. You motherfucker, I will cut you.

  25. Social media exthpert and scoldy preacher Donkey has posted a video about how being plugged in is actually anti-social and that we need to put down our devices and connect in person.

    Oh, the irony. Oh, the huge manatee.

  26. I wish you all could have been here when I performed this excerpt as a dramatic reading for Mr. H. Some of his questions included:
    1. “Wait, are you saying that every place you make bunny ears there are actually quotation marks? Seriously?”
    2. “Why has no one ever piled Thanksgiving dinner upon ME?”
    3. “She climbed out of abortion and 9/11?”
    4. “Is the whole book going to be for RBD, or just this part?”

  27. To those who evolve their worldviews, who continue to integrate new information and to change their perspectives accordingly, we accuse them of “flip-flopping.” We whine “you’ve changed,” to a friend who starts to make new, better choices (choices that might not include hanging out with us anymore)

    Um…shouldn’t that be, “(choices that might include not hanging out with us anymore)”?

    • I’m pretty sure that those whining, “You’ve changed!” are the kind of people who can’t let go of their youth. For instance, those who want to smoke and drink and stay out all night and balk at having a grown-up’s career, paying bills, building meaningful relationships that don’t hinge on having a good time, and, god forbid, starting a family. I’m pretty sure that in most cases for most of us, a family member or friend who decides to change for the better is met with love and encouragement. Because this is how society typically works.

      Donkey, for the billionth time, hasn’t a clue. She’ll only make a sweeping judgment call to suit her own selfish argument.

      • And who has ever told the donkey that she’s changed?
        Quite the opposite; she never hits the learn button.

        Maybe they’ve told her she needs to change….and take a shower coz she’s dusty.

        • She has changed, though, from Blair Waldorf with headbands to republican housewife wannabe, to wannabe woo in training.

          It all has to do with whomever is paying attention to her at the time. Karma Chameleon.

        • She didn’t used to do drugs. In fact, she used to brag that she hardly even drank and didn’t know how to “do the pot.” Now she rolls on a regular basis. That’s a change.

  28. meaning > happiness

    It seems strange that there would be a difference at all. But the researchers, who looked at a large sample of people over a month-long period, found that happiness is associated with selfish “taking” behavior and that having a sense of meaning in life is associated with selfless “giving” behavior.

    • Well that’s my question right there. How does she know that working in a soup kitchen is not spiritually fulfilling?

      How does Julia Baugher know that being generous of spirit is not a path to enlightenment? This illustrates what a bad writer she is and what a small mind she has.

      • She has no idea. Because she would never lower herself to perform manual labor, and certainly not for someone else less fortunate.

      • “YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.” Says the petulant toddler on the runway and the child bicycling to the country club.

      • Because to Donkey Happiness = Pleasure. If it isn’t pleasurable in the moment than she doesn’t believe she is happy.

        • They did spark joy and mirth among the cat lady collective.

          We are still laughing about (at) them.

      • also, no offense to those without children by choice, or those who want to have kids but can’t — my life with kitten is not necessarily happier every minute of every day but has infinitely more meaning than pre-kitten

        • That doesn’t offend childless ol’ me at all. I think parenting is hugely important, and I only chose not to do it because I didn’t think I was up to the job. I try to channel that energy into other caregiving stuff, for people and for society and for the environment, though.

          • Obvs I have been doing it wrong and should have more photoshoots. Self-actualization with a side of pepperoni nips!

          • thank you.

            there is meaning everywhere, if you act for something other than yourself.

            “happiness” as greed; nope. that’s just shopping.

  29. You capitalize “Google.” That’s where I stopped reading this dumb bitch’s stupid shit.

  30. Unrelated, one of my summer addictions is the BB feeds (shut up) and there is a super creepy stalker weirdo on this summer who is like white nitting for a girl who finds him repulsive. Anyway, the other day he was trying to push her into kissing him, and I swear he told her he was very aroused. I told dudebrah who responded, “May he show her?”

    My boy is tops.

    Also, the guy definitely has a Smellsberg about him. Vom.

      • Yes. He’s repulsive. He actually used the words ‘forceful’ and ‘take it’ in reference. I’m over defending her, though, because she is a bimbo. I love this cast – they’re all either shitty gamers or shitty people and it makes hate-watching so great.

      • Ewwww. I’ve vacillated on my opinion on Liz and Julia. I think I’ve landed with you- done defending her/them. I can’t wait for Shelli and the football player to become a target. They’re starting to give off an entitled sense, like who would dare challenge them. Just wait…!

    • *snerk* Your man is an honorary member of the cat basement.

      P.S.: surely you meant “summer additions?”

      • We’ve hung out with catladies on both coasts, and three different countries! brah knows the handshake and half the jokes. I think he is official, but ‘non-participating’ or something. Haha!

  31. 28 likes and no comments on her post. Well done, St Martins Press, even the “author’s” friends don’t give a shit about this book. So best-selling!

  32. YES! THIS! You totally nailed it Julia! If only Mother Theresa had spent more time on her own personal growth, she would have been a much happier person!

  33. Thorney is a better friend than A Donkey deserves. Bless her silly malapropy self, her heart is in the right place.

  34. Oh, I don’t know, Donks. Do you think anyone would read that introduction–chock-a-block with preemptive recriminations as it is– and think, “Now here’s one happy lady!”?

    • She would be perfectly happy if the rest of the world didn’t insist on doing it wrong. Jeez!

  35. “of the recidivism inherent in people attempting to kick additions. ”

    Those poor people trying to kick their additions.

    Christ. Did she even read her own bullshit?

  36. And becoming a woo seemed so easy! It’s all a nonsense circle jerk. Make your life look interesting, talk the talk, give people a reason to want to suck up to you, network.

    I’d have given her a pat on the back at one point. Good job on finding something that works perfect with that narcissistic personality.

    It seems mean to say, but it is feeling like she’s a bit of an outcast. Left out of huge priestess book, not speaking at any seminars. The other woos are traveling and living their lives and I couldn’t tell you how she’s spending her time but I do know that if she were a good little woo, I’d know exactly where she’s traveling, what’s overwhelming her, that she’s been working on some new, exciting project that is leading her on a journey of self discovery and overcoming fear. And none of that is coming from her.

  37. I just can’t stop with this introduction. How does one “climb” out of “the skepticism?”

  38. I had never looked at this Cory Glazier guy. He looks like he would have been that really quiet, kind of intense guy from high school that grows into a SNAG (thanks Smellsy!) but never really sheds that look that he might break your skull open and pull your brains out like confetti. I only watched like a minute of his food pitch before that feeling made me turn it off.

    He seems slightly less pitchy and fake than the others, and I hope he sees through the Donkey. I don’t have much faith in that, though. She somehow manages to fool people for a time.

    • The operative words are “for a time.” The boys all wise up and head for the hills, even dumb Derpin finally made his way out of the abyss.

    • What’s scary is that the mentally unbalanced Dr. Underfang and his God Complex seem to have quite a few followers now. Not sure if Bree is still in fear but perusing his FB comments and seeing the worship scares me shitless.

      • Maybe it’s a good thing if he has an audience to placate his ego? Just a thought. Then again, D0nk’s bought-&-paid-for fans in the ‘stans didn’t really accomplish that for her, so I could be all wrong.

          • Do you think they’re enamored of him? I haven’t paid any attn, but I’m imagining that they’re just more slugs like the others who’ve mooched off of him, & they’re blowing smoke up his ass in case he starts warehousing brokeass bums again.

          • Good question. Yes, I definitely feel some of them see him as some kind of leader or prophet or whatever term one would use. I get a creepy vibe from it.

  39. “Go to a soup kitchen. Go feed the homeless.”

    Whilst looking for something else I ran across an old Gawker post on Julie.. It looks like she is still pissed off about the first comment on http://gawker.com/5100092/julia-allisons-existential-thanksgiving-crisis, “JA, some advice: Go do some volunteer work at a homeless shelter.”

    It was the only comment that struck a nerve enough for her to reply to, and now almost 7 years later and she’s still expressing her irritation about it in her new book..

    In addition to being poorly written this book, should anyone manage to actually get through it, is not going to help anyone achieve happiness. And why is the book title the same when she never took the RV trip to perform those “experiments” she went on and on about in her initial proposal?

  40. OT: When is the world not kicking Ali Shanti’s grifter ass and when is there not someone or something that lifts her out of the abyss and onto the next level? Fucking. Broken. Record.

    Life has been pretty much kicking my ass for the last 3-6 months in so many ways, work and family related.

    I am not sure how I would have handled it all without the steady, calm presence of Michael Jacobs by my side. He’s been like an angel who showed up to hold my hand, my heart and help me to become more aware of my soul. He’s supported me to breathe easy through all of it, even the really intense and scary stuff.

    Since he moved in back in March, we haven’t had one night away, to just be with each other, without kids or work or a big shindig. Last night, we finally did. It felt so good to just be together. No responsibilities, no cell phones, nothing much to do. Just a hot springs, a fire, a futon in the back of my truck, and a couple of good friends.

    Reminds me how sweet and simple life can be.

  41. I was just poking around for a photo to use on my blog, and for some reason I thought it would be funny to use one of Donkey and Derpy walking on stairs in Paris (which I couldn’t find) but instead came across a side by side one of you geniuses put together of Jerri Blank and Donkey in a tiara and laughed for about 5 minutes. Thank you!

  42. Donk wants to grow a “food garden.” Didn’t read her referenced article, but she has to mean a “vegetable garden”. Right?

      • Her FB entry makes it sound like she just discovered where “food” comes from.

      • Still mystified by a) what she sees in him (because so no money), and b) what he might see in her (because he has a perfectly nice gf already, and he seems genuinely idealistic, while she is the most superficial and vicious).

        And no, I don’t think she’s changed. She is as materialistic as ever, even with the woo veneer.

        • I think she figures she has Dadser to support her for the rest of her life so landing a rich man is not so much a priority. She would still like a rich guy so she can rub him in the faces of all her single friends, but failing that a guy, ANY GUY, will do.

          • Nor did (does) Derpin; then again, D0nk had (has) no options either — she’ll take what she can get.

            I don’t think D0nk really want kids to the extent she’d [1] have sex ’til she conceived; [2] take care of herself pre-natally (is that a word?); [3] work off the baby weight; [4] change diapers, etc. — nope, a ready-made kid that she can start costuming right away is probably all the appeal any kid has for her, & bonus if it isn’t even around 100% of the time to interfere w/ D0nk’s time spent thumbing thru fauxtos of herself.

            That said, he doesn’t want her anyway — she’s pushing her usual bill of goods that she can make things happen for his project — until he clues in otherwise, he’ll give her the time of day.

          • Didn’t his mom have a house in Hawaii? I think he came from at least reasonable amounts of money.

    • I guess the dogsitter can water it for her. And weed it. And harvest it. And cook something with it.

      • Yeah, Donkey will plant two tomato plants in pots and they will be dead by June. Actual gardening is hard work.

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