Deep Thoughts & Woo Shills with Julie Albertson

embalmed donkey

Did potential San Diego mark Cory Glazier hook up with Donkey & receive a delicious second date blowjob?

“Dating” needs a rebrand. We should call it “human exploration.”

Oh, Julia! You are more clever than a Cathy cartoon, even if your nails are revolting:

julia nails

My sister Nisha is deeply gifted in the realm of aromatherpy, and even makes her own scents. This is my favorite of all the perfumes she’s created. To me, this smells not like “fabulous” … but like falling in love, distilled. I love you, N.

112 COMMENTS

  1. can someone explain to me, who is male, why there is always a gap between the bottom of her nail polish and the bottom of her nail?

    • My niece paints nails the same way, says it’s so the cuticle can breathe.
      I hate it, cuz it looks two weeks grown out to me.

      • Those cuticles are totally overgrown. They are not supposed be sealed up against the nail bed like that. Donkey always goes for the cut-rate, cosmetically speaking, and it shows. Can’t wait to see her orange sparkle manicure for OMG Princeton Reunions.

    • I think it’s just a grown-out manicure. It lasts a long time without chipping because she doesn’t do anything all damn day.

      • It’s a grown out gelicure. Gel polish. I get mine done every 12 to 14 days and I get the same gap. I have fast growing nails. What j don’t have is a manicure that I ripped off from Starbrite.

    • It’s a gel polish manicure, lasts up to three weeks and you get the blank gap way before you get chips. So the longer you let it go (lazier/busier/cheaper you are) , the more that gap grows.

      • I wonder how much extra she has to pay to get five different colors on each hand.

    • It’s a no chip, where the polish is somehow bonded with UV light. Hers is probably 10-14 days grown out, hence the gap. Kudos to her, because when I get the no chip and get to that stage, I start picking the polish off, which is terrible for your nails.

  2. That gross sparkly shite on her pudgy hamhocks is the most juvenile thing ever, right after her tutus & skirt pulls. Barf.

    • Isn’t it somewhat dated/basic as a trend, as well? I feel like glitter polish on adults was madly popular and edgy five years ago.

      Nowadays, all the fashionistas seem to be wearing a more minimalist, clean-lined look – neutral colors, negative space, geometric nail art.

      Then again, it’s pretty consistent for Julia to be five years behind the times, and that includes her wardrobe as well. See: Juicy sweats, YSL Tributes, and wedge sneakers.

      • Quite right. She’s about due to discover ModCloth now, isn’t she?

    • I just don’t get how she doesn’t see how hideous her hands look. But knowing how deluded she is, she probably will add “hand model” to her resume bio next.

  3. Terrible looking hands & fingers.

    Is that a ROLL-ON scent? Ewww,
    Like some gross old anti-perspirent
    That smells of dusty powdery chemicals .

    • Who do you think you are? Misha Noodley created this transformative roll-on and she’s fierth, fabulouth, and free!

      misha

    • Coming from a place with powerful Moms & fantastically
      Rich sons…None of the very rich & well-educated ladies have overdone nail jobs.
      Not done. Bad form.

      Julie thinks she’s a rebel, but she’s just tacky.

  4. “Dating” is just fine, Julia Allison. “Dating” doesn’t need a rebrand. Thousands of people manage to do “dating” without sending men screaming into the night. These “dating” people even manage to find someone to marry. It happens every day, all around the world. So, Julia Allison, “dating” is doin’ a-ok. Don’t you worry about “dating”. It’s you who needs a rebrand. Try: employed, therapy-seeking non-narcissist for a brand. It might be exactly what you’re looking for.

  5. I’m shocked – SHOCKED – that we haven’t seen photos posted of Julia partaking in Bay in Breakers festivities. The event would have presented an opportunity for her to be #soSF, wear an attention-whoring costume, and pretend to be a runner. Since she didn’t post anything, I have to conclude that she didn’t participate!

    I have mutual friends with Katiyana on FB, and I see that Katiyana enjoyed the event with a large crew of friends – *sans* A Donkey.

  6. She is such fun! Wheeee! What a carefree pixie! The boys want her and the girls want to be her! Fun!

    • Fun! Hookups with married men! Life’s a non-stop hippie rom-com! Who needs self-respect and gainful employment?

  7. I’ve just realized something. What I thought were two floral pillows in the background of the “aromatherpy” (sic) photo are actually Donkey’s legs. WHAT!? is she wearing?

      • My daughter who is tiny and cute and funny, used to wear those kind of leggings a couple of years ago when she was 14 or so. I can’t even imagine what the daisies look like SSSSTTTTRRRREEEETTTCHHHHEEEDD over the calves.

        • Those daisies look stretched over the calfplants look like homecoming mums, trust.

      • Good for you, Donkey. Getting in that extra woo shill. Ali Shanti has taught you well.

      • I love their handbags. Haven’t bought one yet as I was paralysed by the choice.

        • Their messenger bags are quite substantial — gave one to my sister & while it’s no busted Gucci briefcase, she does tote a laptop & kindle around in it w/ room to spare for all the regular purse essentials too.

    • It looks like RealTree(tm) hunter’s camo with …daisies? OK.

  8. So CG has a young son with JD, and CG is living with AJ in San Diego or Encinitas or somewhere. And he runs a business that has to do with evangelizing vegan food? That doesn’t seem like a Julie mark, really.

    • She was yoohooing him a few months ago. I suspect he is going to Lightning in a Bottle, which is coming up pretty soon.

      • I just don’t see her putting in the effort on a dude with a child AND a live-in girlfriend AND no money.

        He is decent-looking, though.

          • Ugh, Grifty. If that is where this is going, Julia looking for hookups with random dudes and ladies and just being so free and arty and like a sophomore in college (which would seriously be an improvement for her) I might have to move on. Because Julia with casual hookups is too much.

          • Exactly. SF locals must be onto her and Julie needs to go elsewhere for serious clit flicking. Glazier is nice looking and she’s been giving shout outs to him for a while now. He’s in an open relationship with the mother of his child, so Julie’s not breaking up any homes, not that she’d care anyway.

          • He’s living with another lady (not his son’s mother). It’s hard to imagine Donkey being cool with being #3 (at best) on the totem pole.

            Let us all also remember the Checklist and laugh.

          • I am sure she is fine with being #3. That way when it all goes to hell, as it inevitably will, she has a pre-fab excuse for failing at love yet again.

            Avoid introspection, it’s the Donkey Way. Happiness!

          • Sloppy thirds? Son-of-an-ambulance-chaser Prom King buying Donkey x number of dresses & taking her on carriage rides while she trashed him over the internet seems like 1000 years ago.

    • Also don’t see any family money in the picture, unlike Avocado. CG went to San Diego State and grew up in a town where the median income is ca. $40K.

      • But come on, where was the gift from Gramma from? Fresno or Bakersfield or something? And he lasted 13 Facebook years (13 months in human years). Maybe she now thinks if she reaches really low and asks very little, then Granny will gift her with a man for life. A crummy man, but a man.

        • For the sake of that cutie bb, let’s hope not. Stepmother Julie would be the absolute worst.

  9. That picture of Donkey up there —
    Eyes: dead
    Lips: amorphous
    Nose: on waiting list for third (hopefully successful this time) cosmetic procedure.

    • If you zoom in (spoiler alert: not recommended) you can see that the photographer has photoshopped the half-hearted smile on the left (our right) side of her face and done something funny with her left eye. It’s possibly why she looks so uncanny valley-like.

  10. Good Lord, Julia’s even wrong about the premise of her post. Her “sister” didn’t create the fragrance she’s displaying:

    Nisha Moodley Thanks, love smile emoticon I didn’t create the scent – credit due to Julie Merriman Wray!
    Like · 34 mins

  11. O/T but I need someone to help me process my feels about the final Mad Men episode.
    HAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM

    • Hmmmm….. I am very disappointed.

      So Don discovers the Woo, hugs some smelly hippies and all his sins are erased. Everybody gets what they want (Peggy, Don, despicable Pete, Roger, Megan etc) or part of it (Joan) except Betty, who gets lung cancer. So unfair.

      I wonder if they did a deal with the network where they were allowed to glamorize smoking but, in exchange, a major character had to die of lung cancer.

        • Ugh, me too. Nothing has changed with the woo.
          Wolf, I was also very disappointed. I don’t know what I was hoping for but this wasn’t it.
          Can someone more enlightened than me pls explain the coke ad relevance?
          The whole thing was very “breathe through the fear”, become vibraytionally congruent and embrace the woo and all your past sins will be forgiven?

          • SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

            JFA’ing to add I read another site/sight/ cite which expressed what I have been thinking.
            I thought it couldn’t be as simple as Don returning to McCann and using his woo experience to create one of the most iconic coke ads ever. Will Dean writing in the guardian (yeah yeah I know) “Devil’s Advocate Alternative Ending Theory: Don’s experience at the retreat didn’t change him at all, instead he mined it upon his return to McCann Erickson and gave the world the most famous TV ad of all time. “

            And here is what he wrote which I was having troubling expressing:

            “I’d love for that to be the reason why we were played out by I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke but you suspect it’s less our man finding advertising nirvana (he couldn’t care less now) than Weiner coyly pointing out that even as Don found peace, the ideas of love and understanding – the hippy dream by which he did so – would soon be co-opted by the biggest of big businesses.”

            Sorry for the tl;dr

            I’m happy with how Joan, Roger, Peggy and Stan’s story lines were concluded. Pete Campbell not so much.

            I’ll go shut up now.

          • @Nosferatu-tu-tu: I am with The Guardian guy: Don didn’t change, he just mined the woo experience to sell a nasty product to mankind.

            He is still the same amoral salesman he has always been.

          • woo: then as now, for people who need therapy; then, as now, really dangerous

            don, dragged to it, was touched enough by it to sell it out as the coke ad.

            nicely done; brilliant even

    • I was furious watching him at that sunrise meditation, until I realized that while he did use the woo as a place to let go of some of his issues, he also used it as the inspiration for his greatest ad “The Real Thing”

      • But, did he really let go?

        There seems to be some consensus among the other characters (Roger, Peggy etc) that he will just keep doing this: embrace the fake Don Draper The Invincible Adman persona until he can’t take it anymore and then he will disappear for a while and then go back. I don’t think he broke that cycle, it is just that now we are not going to see any more iterations of it.

        Also, the Peggy-Stan thing seemed so contrived. There wasn’t even any chemistry between them. And the whole idea that working with your significant other can bring happiness is such a long shot (not saying it’s impossible, but not many couples seem to succeed at it).

        I did love the bit about Roger ordering lobster for “ma mere”. He seems to have finally met his match: an age-appropriate woman that is as crazy as he is. They are both in the no-fucks-to-give stage of their lives: I can see them growing old(er) together.

        I was hoping Pete’s plane was going to explode in a ball of fire. Oh, well…..

        • Agreed re: Peggy and Stan. Where was the buildup to that? Came a bit out of nowhere, I thought.

          Roger’s ending was great.

          But it was not a great finale. A freaking yoga retreat? I kept expecting him to mock them as they so richly deserved to be mocked.

          • WHAT THE WORLD WANTS TODAY

            1. cigarettes; lung cancer
            2. coke; obesity, diabetes

            hooray for advertising

          • I thought the ending was brilliant. Don was more desperate than he’s ever been and his usual vices–power, money, women, escapism, alcohol, etc. had quit doing the job. So, like all these fuckers we’ve been observing on RBD, he winds up at a woo retreat and–because he’s so desperate and emptied out–he surrenders, albeit briefly.

            The hug was real, but a moment of recognition or empathy doesn’t change anyone’s life, Don’s not redeemed or enlightened. He’s still the same Don Draper. It’s clear that he’s using the woo woo meditation the same way he uses a drink or a nap in his office.

            The only difference is that this time the majority of Mad Men viewers are walking away from the show completely buying into what he’s selling. Brilliant. I loved it. If the show was a 7-year education in advertising literacy, after all we have observed and learned, we can still be emotionally seduced and conned. I’m sure the majority of viewers will see the finale as a gesture at a happy ending. Which is both appropriate and horrifying.

            Life is hard and I haven’t had my coffee yet so please excuse me if I sound like one of my undergrads.

          • “the coke ad IS the mockery”

            So very THIS. And I’ve decided I love that. There was no epiphany, only commerce, as ever.

          • sell. sell. sell.

            don draper, empty, vice ridden, compulsive; sells the things he wants, the things he will never have

          • And I LOVED that he was so bothered by these hippies charging for their retreat and he turned around and sold their experience of enlightenment to Coca-Cola.

            Assumably, the idea struck him while meditating.

            So funny.

          • I have been stanning Pegan from very early on in their work relationship, so I was screaming and crying from joy when that happened. They obviously cared very deeply for each other, but are stubborn. What happened with Bryan Kraków, though?

            I took the ending as Don still running, still reinventing himself in hopes it will save him. I don’t love the idea that he wrote the Coke commercial. I would rather think it’s just showing how superficial his transformation is.

  12. The CIA has really got to the mesh gargoyle, he is pulling a swainwreck seeking followers, even asking his dad, on Facebook , to start a revolution with him!!!!! Sad sad saddy

  13. What fingernail shape does she ask for at the salon? “Blob”?

    Also, gel polish that’s baked under a UV lamp and needs to be removed with an acetone soak is hardly “green.” But what do you expect from A Donkey who doesn’t know that Tom’s of Maine is owned by Colgate-Palmolive? #hippiefail #greenwashing #phony #poseur #plastic #sameolddonkey

  14. Hello fellow basement-dwelling, cheeto-dust-covered cat ladies,

    It’s been ~literally~ years since I’ve read or posted on this site with any regularity (I was never a regular commenter to begin with but I used to comment more in Ye Olde Days of RBNS). I’m avoiding studying for the bar exam, and in my procrastination, I decided to visit an old friend: this site! And I’m just so confused. What. Is. Happening. What is happening!

    I have a lot of questions, but here are my big ones: Who is this new brood of hippies? What is JA up to these days (is it just the same response of “nothing” but in a different environment)? I can’t seem to figure it out. Is she single? WHERE IS ALL THIS MONEY COMING FROM christ.

    The thing that always bothered me about JA was she was born with so.much.privilege and given so many goddamn opportunities. And she’s squandered all of them. It incenses me. She’s such a lucky individual. And, all things considered, her family seems lovely. How does this happen? I can tell that a huge reason why this site continues to exist is because she’s just such an interesting study in narcissism and delusion.

    Finally, I have to say that, more than anything else, I’m disappointed that JA isn’t engaged or (at least I don’t think?) in a serious relationship. I–and I think we all–need that wedding to happen. It would be like the bi-coastal birthbray bash x 100,000. I feel like old JA would return (like she’s totes still there but just in diff packaging–not saying she ever left). *8 seasons and 1 wedding plz*

    Anyway, that’s my contribution, for whatever it’s worth. I basically have more questions than commentary but. Yes. Okay. Lots to catch up on. *deep breaths; hooks up scuba equipment to cave dive into the archives*

    • “…I’m disappointed that JA isn’t engaged…”

      Then we have great news for you! JA married herself in a charming ceremony at last year’s Burning Man.

    • 8 seasons and one wedding is awesome. It has been 8 years hasn’t it? Or shit, is it 9?

  15. Ellsberg comes from a wealthy family – not his famous father but his mother is an heiress of the “Toycoon” Louis Marx, who sold his toy company for $54 million (thanks wikipedia). So as the only son of that marriage, even though his father is still alive, Ellsberg can probably rely on a significant inheritance/trust fund.

    Other woos are probably trust funders too who invent fake careers to give them a reason to go to festivals. As we enter a post scarcity society, the “what does s/he do for a living?” person will become more common aka Luftmenschen.

    • Thanks, you just convinced me that THIS IS SUCCESS,
      and Julie might be ON IT in no time.

      ewwwww, nachosforever

    • Interesting that her dad hated her husband. Did she for a fact inherit?

      • Well the senior Ellsberg hasn’t really had a job in 40 years so . . . He’s probably living off the toy fortune too.

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