Give It a Fucking Rest, Donkey

The Erma Bombeck of San Francisco – she’s nearly as frumpy & suburban & unfunny – just doesn’t know when to quit:

‪#‎YouKnowYouLiveInSFWhen‬

Btw anyone have a rec? I actually don’t know any psychics (in SF, at least) … Intuitive healers, yes. Psychics? No.

erma

annie

220 COMMENTS

    • No, they’re not. I take solace in the fact that Bombeck is nearly forgotten today.

      • I read one about 15 years ago (can’t remember the title). I have to say I’m inclined to agree with you. It felt very forced, IIRC. Sort of like she was trying and failing to do what Betty MacDonald (who I understand is not so much FORGOTTEN in the US but never was really known, but is a BIG STAR of sorts here) did quite brilliantly in the 1950s.

        • The Egg and I was a best-seller in its day. I think it’s sweet.

          Bombeck was churning that stuff out for weekly columns, and it can get a bit thin. I like Jean Kerr much better.

          • Goodness, I didn’t think anyone remembered The Egg and I, other than yours truly. Indeed, a very sweet book that was turned into a lovely film with Claudette Colbert, Fred MacMurray, and the great Marjorie Main.

            I’m still bitter about having to watch Bombeck do her unfunny the-grass-is-always-greener-over-the-septic-tank shtick on “Good Morning, America’ back in the day. Donkey’s attempts at middlebrow humor remind me of dead Erma.

          • Hee hee! Much like Donkey with All. The. Novels, I read The Egg and I, Anybody Can Do Anything, Plague and I, and Onions in the Stew when I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old, because my mom, like most Czech moms born after WWII, LOVED Betty MacDonald. All those books were repeatedly published in Czech (and Slovak) prior to 1989, which was not too common with American books, obviously. She still is quite a phenomenon, locally speaking. If you read The Prague Orgy by Philip Roth, written about his visits to Prague in the 1970s, he recalls being interrogated by the secret police about, among other things, his relation to “Ms Betty MacDonald,” as her name was practically synonymous with “American literature” in this country at that time. Apparently the Egg and I and Elia Kazan’s Arrangement were the two American books that Czechs most often asked Americans about in the 1970s-80s.

            I know the movie exists but I never saw it.

          • I do like Jean Kerr. I read Bombeck because I found a book we had lying around the house, and I have always had a soft spot for her. I cannot think of varicose veins without thinking of her. 🙂 Donkey’s writing is vomit in text form.

          • Fans of MacDonald and Kerr should seek out Shirley Jackson’s RAISING DEMONS and LIFE AMONG THE SAVAGES. Yes, Shirley “The Lottery” Jackson.

          • @Helena, love that Czech moms turned Betty into a superstar. I came to her books via the film version of “The Egg and I,” because my grandmother loved Claudette Colbert and insisted I see everything she was in, from 1933’s Imitation of Life (far more socially progressive than the more well known Lana Turner remake) to the sudser Parrish, in which Colbert played Troy Donahue’s mom. Fun facts: “The Egg and I” spun off the popular Ma & Pa Kettle film series, as well as inspired the 1960s TV series “Green Acres.”

        • I loved The Egg and I, all of her books, really. I can’t remember which one contained the reference to “The Theata-tah, The Dahnse” but try to drop it into random cultural conversations whenever possible. And don’t forget The Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books!

        • I also love Shirley Jackson in the extreme, especially We Have Always Lived in the Castle: “Merricat said Katherine, would you like a cup of tea?/Oh, no said Merricat, you might poison me./Merricat, said Katherine, would you like to go to sleep/Down in the bone-yard ten feet deep?” [Quote might not be exact, but that’s how it stuck in my frightened/awed 11-year-old brain when I first read it.] Fun fact: SJ was a San Francisco gal, and some of her family offshoots are are still rooted here. My son was a classmate of her grandson, and at one of the benefits for the school, his parents’ (lovely people, btw) donation, to be auctioned off, was something like an invitation to attend the premier of The Haunting, based on The Haunting of Hill House. You might have a chance to meet Catherine Zeta-Jones! (We did not bid; we were on the Poors end of the spectrum at the school.)

          • Probably best not to have bid. That remake of The Haunting of Hill House is lousy. Fortunately, no one paid attention and the original remains the definitive filmic ghost story, thanks in no small part to Julie Harris’s marvelous performance. I met director Robert Wise back in 1998 and became rather gushy re: The Haunting, telling him I’d seen the film at least 25 times. “Well, that’s more than me!!”

          • That film scared the shit out of me and my sisters.

            Particularly when we learned that the presumed basis for Hill House was more or less the place next door.

          • Ha! Now that I think of it, that kid who was in school with mine must have been her great-grandson. And I do remember that movie being dreadful, and rightfully panned, but now that this discussion has made me realize that Liam Neeson was in it before he was LIAM NEESON makes me want to check it out again.

          • Was your son’s classmate Laurence’s (Laurie) son? I just read Judy Oppenheimer’s excellent Jackson bio, which is a few years old now, and have been wondering about Shirley and Stanley’s children.

          • @Gluten, thanks for reminding me about that Jackson bio. I’ve been meaning to read it for a while and just put in a hold at the library.

    • Erma Bombeck’s “Just Wait Until You Have Children of Your Own” was illustrated, if that’s the word, by Bil Keane, inflictor of “The Family Circus”.

      Case closed.

      • I’d forgotten that unholy alliance. “Available in mass market paperback at Jewel Food Stores!”

      • JFA’ing myself to say that I do respect the work Bombeck did for the ERA. That said, in light of her quote: “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me,'” I’m willing to assume that the Good Lord smiled kindly and said: “And then some, my child.”

    • Cannot comment on whether Erma is funny or not, but she actually finished books and had them published. Thus still superior to Donkey.

      • EXPERIENCE IN CRAPPINESS
        (Self-published by D0nka Braybeck)
        Coming Spring 2019!!

  1. Anyone who wastes money on a “psychic” is a moron of the highest order. There is no such thing. Ask James Randi or Penn Jillette. It’s called cold reading and idiots with IQ of 90 fall for it every time.

    • I’m in the minority on this one but am ok with that since donkey isn’t endorsing psychics/mediums (she’s half-ass crowdsourcing) because not unlike everything else in her life she’s not capable of believing in anything other than her own reflection in the mirror.

  2. Aww, I remember giggling at her books when I was about twelve. I think even twelve-year-olds would find a Donkey completely unfunny.

  3. A spiritual guide who has to crowdsource for a psychic. Hmmm design flaw.

    • Right. And “Sunshine” is not only the daughter of Homeless Guy, she is also Frat Boy’s strictly-platonic roommate who works tirelessly to get D0nkey to enter into a Lovership w/ said frat boy.

  4. Julia, that stupid Long Island Medium person with the acrylic nails is a psychic. It’s not “a San Francisco” thing to consult a psychic. You are a dumb shallow phony who is not “alternative.” You don’t get California at all. You will always be a tourist in a polyester muu muu from WalMart.

  5. In fairness to Donkey, she doesn’t really have need of a psychic. She pretty much knows how each day is going to go:

    Wake up late.
    Lick fingers, rub under eyes. Call it shower.
    Facebook stalk.
    Put on Coobies. Pants optional.
    Make typing sounds, hope actual words are made, post on Facebook.
    Read RBD.
    Find article on Serious Journalist site to refute criticism from RBD/parents or to scold friends/wallet.
    Smugly post link to FB.
    Underline a sentence in self-help book. Make note to steal idea.
    Bemoan current state of singleness. Remember Lily not there to listen. Wonder where Lily is.
    Shrug.
    Select glitter nail polish and splash over ends of fingers. Call it art.
    Flap arms. Call it transformational dance.
    Marvel at self.
    Find it curious there are no boys. WHERE ARE ALL THE BOYS!!!??
    Call friends to discuss interminable state of single-ness. Get angry that they’re working.
    Have imaginary conversation instead. It’s hilarious! Post to FB immediately!
    Jog to end of street. Call it Golden Gate Bridge.
    Facebook stalk.
    Send email to new photographer offering them a chance to co-create photos of Julia B. Donkey. Call it work.
    Google “transformational festival” + “rich men”, whip out credit card, add results to calendar.
    Avoid call from Dadser.
    Facebook stalk. Call it dating.
    Post photos of self to Facebook. Realize too late … not sitting on floral circle of shame. Clean wet spot off seat. No, fuck it. Do it tomorrow.
    Go to bed angry.

  6. Wow! Looking for psychics!

    That’s exactly what a not-particularly-bright 15-year-old would do.

    Nothing to see here, moving along.

    • If you knock on a psychic’s door and they ask “Who’s there?” leave immediately, because you know they are no good.

      PS: Stupid Donkey

    • The latest response (there are only eight) to Julie’s crowdsourcing:

      Ben Metcalfe If they were really psychic they’d know your friend was looking for them!

  7. O/T Mama Pancakes announced today Pancakes returning home for good (no more Guam).

    • Wouldn’t that be karma if Pancakes and his lovely wife moved into the home he and Julia used to share on the island of Coronado?

        • “Jack & Renee, get to the front door as quickly as possible – the braying is coming from inside the condo!”

      • I’m sure her stalker schemer passive-aggressive Venus Mat juices are flowing. over/under on first related post?

      • “Jack, I found a copy of US Weekly addressed to Julia Baugher in the mailbox. What is going on?”.

    • That wasn’t seven years at all! See, they could have made it work – you know, if it hadn’t been Julia Allison that was half of the equation.

  8. “Anna and her friends wanna go to a psychic reader”.

    They don’t actually invite Donk but she seems to have missed this part and is all “OMG yay!”

    Greg only knows why they were asking for her advice on anything, but that’s all they were doing. Asking for a recommendation. Not asking her to join them. Poor Donk. Nobody wants to invite her to the psychic, or anywhere for that matter.

    • Nice catch! But yeah, she had to crowd source for the answer.. so she would have been completely worthless to them anyway. As usual.

    • First off, that mssg is contrived whoreshit, but secondly, D0nk putting it forth as people other than herself going is how she saves busted face because unless it is grifted to her for free, she can’t afford to go anyway (& she wouldn’t have anyone to go w/ either). She’s just blowing “sunshine” out her raftass, as usual.

    • I’m probably wrong, but to me “Sunshine” (if she does exist, that is) sounds like a mum asking for her teenage daughter. “Anna and her friends” sounds like something a mother would say. It would greatly amuse me if this was the case.

  9. Donkey posted something Madonna said about haters actually being fans, and I think Donkey is trying to imply that the same thing is true for her. The Daily Beast opinion piece she posted also suggested that the snark against Madonna was sexist.

    I call bullshit on several points. First, aging male famewhores who pull the same kinds of asshole famewhoring shit as Madonna get the same kind of snark, so if this is anything it is ageism, not sexism. But even more importantly, there are plenty of entertainers of both sexes and all ages who don’t find the need to vulgarly shove themselves in the public eye every five minutes in a desperate attempt to gain attention and remain relevant. This kind of pathetic display only gets more tired and laughable when one gets older because it is immature behavior. Calling out someone’s pathological need for attention and making fun of their desperate publicity stunts doesn’t equate to fandom, it just exposes them as the perpetual trainwreck everybody slows down to gape at. only a narcissitic idiot would feel this behavior at any age is deserving of respect or seal claps of any kind.

    • Madonna does not shove herself into the public attention every 5 minutes, it’s Kim Kardashian you are thinking of.

      Currently, Madonna is promoting an album & tour and, being the conscientious professional she is, you are gonna see a lot of her this year. She will then disappear into her semi-private life until the next cycle.

      BTW, did you see the Ghosttown video, where she does the post-apocalyptic tango with Terrence Howard? I thought it was pretty cool.

    • Fuck Madonna and her nasty sexual-assaulting self. It was horrible what she did to Drake.

      • That was just a performance: two artists, on a stage, doing a move that was arranged and choreographed and maybe even rehearsed before.

        Her “sexual assault” is as real as Hamlet killing Polonius.

        • I guess Drake is a pretty good actor and his recoil, disgust and revulsion was all part of the entertainment.

          • Ali Shanti has been counseling Drake as he attempts to cope with this terrible sexual assault.

          • One of my sons met Drake last year and he said he didn’t know what to call him…Aubrey, Drake or Wheelchair Jimmy.

            Drake was incredibly kind and had a long conversation with my son (who is a working musician with big boy desk errands during the day) about music and creativity. Love him.

      • TL;DR: I am gonna to prove how irrelevant and passé Madonna is by writing 500 words about her.

        I am sure she cried herself to sleep when she heard some blogger at The Daily Beast disapproves of her career choices.

        Oh, honey, no.

    • Here’s the key difference, Donkey: Your only “fans” are haters, so you’ll never be able to convert your “fame” into anything meaningful. (Unless that marriage proposal from Wali counts as meaningful?)

    • She’s a live sociological and psychological case study where her delusions of haters/jealousy/fans prove she lacks self-awareness, lacks the ability for growth as honesty & accountability allude her, and she consistently manipulates facts while not recognizing the rights of others all of which contribute to her painfully obvious lack of happiness and love which she chooses to display daily and publically. She is a case study for experiments in unhappiness. She serves as a cautionary tale for anyone who lacks honesty with oneself.

  10. La Flamme posted a question about where you find yourself again and again meeting disappointment and Donkey replied “conventional weddings. Ugh.” I’m sure those friends who invited her to those weddings, which presumably didn’t involve headdresses, face paint, and howls at the moon are so sorry they let her down. Ceremonies that include an actual partner are so boring.

      • Christ, she’s an easy read. As for La Phlegm, here’s her response to Smellsberg’s post about his penis:

        Jena la Flamme I think queer is a great label for you. I’ve identified as queer since I was 18 and it’s a term I regard with great affection. It’s a beautifully ambiguous word that welcome so many diverse flavors under its umbrella. You are welcome too.

        Bullshit, what is queer about this self-proclaimed diet queen and gold digger? Do the woos just adopt any subject position that they think is trendy, sort of like college sophomores?

        • She had a longish-term relationship with a lady in between her first husband and He Who May Not Show Us.

        • “It’s a beautifully ambiguous word that welcome so many diverse flavors under its umbrella.”

          JUST STAHP, LaPhlegm.

          • So basically LaPhlegm drains the term of any meaning. Queer means nothing and everything. Fuck you, Jena.

    • OMGreg, her cuntosity knows no bounds.

      Yes, every bride should do a stripper dance with her father, like Dr Tralalala.

      • This may truly be the most cunt-tastic thing she’s ever done, since it is a direct slam on so many of her friends, not to mention Brother Britt.

        • lol I feel like every time Donk does something I think that she has reached peak cuntiness, but then no. She manages to do something even worse.

        • Yeah, this is her usually cuntiest pattern: make other people’s joy about her misery.

    • I bet they are disappointing to her, though. It’s always disappointing to see someone else get something you desperately want but can’t seem to get.

    • Julie is such an odd duck (also an asshole).

      Shouldn’t the answer be something that you’re working on or struggling with such as failing to meet goals you set for yourself?

      Her reply is so telling: weddings where she’s not the center of attention, where she’s failed to measure up (the bride landed a man and she didn’t).

      Newsflash, Donkey: other people’s weddings are not planned specifically to please YOU. If you are feeling disappointed at your friends’ weddings, stop going to your friends’ weddings.

        • And even when it’s yours I feel like a good bride/groom either makes an effort to ensure her/his loved ones are comfortable and having a good time, or if s/he doesn’t want to do that or have the money to do that, just elopes and saves everyone the trouble.

          My favorite people all had weddings where they minimized expenses on themselves (dress, flowers, photographer, etc.), and spent the most on making their guests comfortable (open bar, good food, the lovely friend who only invited 10 people to her destination wedding but flew us all out paid for all of our hotel rooms plus meals.)

      • A wedding is definitely a goal she’s working on (epic self-wedding notwithstanding). She must be so sad when she goes to other people’s weddings. What she doesn’t realize is that it’s just a party. The “wedding” doesn’t transform you. It’s the relationship part that she doesn’t get and can’t have.

    • Whose wedding was she at in that white, unflattering get up, and glasses? I think Debbie was her date and Smellsburg had on those brown suede pants that were very tight on his package? She looked bored out of her mind on her phone in all of those candids…and that was about as unconventional as you can get.

    • I’m sure the other attendees are disappointed in her Mrs. Roper fashion stylings and relentless bray, too.

      Wasn’t she just saying that the world should celebrate her for how loving she was all the time? Bitch.

    • Bitch is incapable of experiencing, celebrating, or even acknowledging anyone else’s joy! The worst!!

  11. OT, but possibly of interest to the authors & book lovers of RBD:
    Envisioning a Colorado Haven for Readers, Nestled Amid Mountains of Books
    http://tinyurl.com/nnu4p5w

    (I’m inclined to donate in honor of the Never The Donkey foundation 😉 )

      • Me too! An intentional reading-themed vacation at a library-themed place sounds so guilt-free & positively divine, IMHO.

  12. So now Donks enters her phone contacts under their woo nicknames? Didn’t she use to list Pancakes by his first and last name?

      • I know! I so wanted to tell him You misspelled “uninvited.” I can’t believe he’s poaching that gal’s pictures, lol.

      • More and more is suggesting that there is a connection between that “unauthorized” big glow retreat at his old place and his arrest. He mentioned on facebook the other day that he has to watch his posts because of his legal troubles (he’s since deleted but states this in a video on youtube).

        He just deleted the videos/photos of the retreat that he shared. Makes me wonder if he poor lawyer is monitoring and alerting him to incriminating posts.

        • At first, I laughed at your last paragraph, but the more I thought about it, someone damn well may be telling him to quit creeping the pages of his adversary’s friends & to quit making any mention of anything related to ongoing legal battles. Or he (hai, ryan!) reads here IRT cuz that was fast.

          • From the looks of it, the person he shared it from deleted the posts. I imagine someone tipped her off to his mental state. She also unfriended him.

            He must be blocked by so many people because I could post a ton of pictures of that freak show retreat and I’m not “friends” with a lot of the people involved. Amazing these were the first ones he’s seen.

    • Page gone, or at least unavailable until Swainy decides he wants more attention.

      I saw my dentist yesterday and asked him about Ryan Swain and 6 Month Smile. He didn’t know mental-dental by name, but he did know of Swain’s grift and wailed about “slenderizing” and attempting to slash what should be an 18-month procedure into six months.

  13. This is OT completely, but I need to anonymously rant. I am from a red state and a below-the-poverty-line working class background, and my Facebook feed today has been full of also working class famkly members having a big shit fit about ‘burger flippers’ because struggle builds character and boot straps and if I had to deal with it, so should everybody else.

    I’m not even a full flag-flying supporter of the $15 an hour thing, because I see a lot of issues with it (what we don’t need is the death of more small businesses, for example) and a lot of better solutions for giving more Americans a chance at living a dignified life when they work 40 hours a week (like lowering the cost of living to begin with — health care, education costs, etc.) and if they were just discussing the economics of it, I’d just stay out of it.

    But no. It’s judgement city. And the worst of it is coming from 20 yr olds who are still fully or nearly fully supported by their parents, and a… brace yourselves…. 48 yr old who still lives in her mother’s house (the JIML, by the way).

    The best part of all of it is how they’re the worst offenders when it comes to posting gaudy sparkly Christian crap all over their walls, so now I can’t stop imagining Jesus walking amongst the poorest of society, shouting, ‘SUCK IT UP, PANSIES!’ through a bullhorn.

    When I pointed out that ‘handouts’ can come from family members the same as they can the government (higher minimum wage ≠ welfare? Which several of them have been on!), I was told I need to ‘remember where I come from’, like somehow I’m the class traitor.

    I love my family. I would kill for any one of them. But there are reasons I’ve been driven to the other side of the earth.

    • I feel your pain, Dean! Damn near exactly the same thing in my feed yesterday until I unfollowed a couple of mouth-breathers.

      MB#1: The unfortunate house guest I’d recently mentioned in another post — if you didn’t see my whine, just suffice it to say: dry drunk on food stamps living w/ elderly uncle because her felony conviction severely limits her earning potential (not that she has any actual job, mind you!) — she’s all for every limitation to be put upon welfare & foodstamp recipients (drug testing; no steaks or seafood; etc) but she sure didn’t mind eating the steaks I bought w/ my actual money; she bought a fuckload of ice cream w/ her EBT card; she trips on her subsidized (read “free”) xanax rx’d by a psychiatrist before, during & after her AA mtgs, etc — she’s blind to her hypocrisy.

      MB#2: “Christian” & devout blamer of victims, ie: Walter Scott & Eric Harris (because “If you don’t comply w/ LEO’s, you get what you get & that’s all there is to it!”) Weighs about 360 lbs dripping wet (I am NOT kidding; her ass must be more than 80+” around!) — she has plenty to say about how minorities need to clean up their eating habits that SHE pays for w/ HER taxes (she actually does have a job; she’s a teacher in our illustrious public school sys 🙁 .)

      YESTERDAY: Together, these two were yammering about the war on xtians — why? — because news outlets are failing to give ‘enough’ coverage to the story of Hillary Scott’s bible being the only thing that survived Lady Antebellum’s bus fire.

      • As someone whose closest family member is about 7000 miles away, I can totally relate. I love them and I miss them at times, but I am also glad I am not heavily involved in their lives, and all their shit, and all the drama they attract. They visit me, I visit them, we see each other once or twice a year and it’s enough.

        I am big on raising the minimum wage. We should set it, let’s say, at $15 an hour and adjust it automatically by inflation. A living wage shouldn’t depend on the whim of corporate-bought politicians (i.e. all of them).

        If a corporation pays misery-level salaries (i.e. Walmart), all the government assistance (Medicaid, food stamps etc) their employees receive is actually subsidizing the corporation’s already obscenely gigantic profits (some studies place the number Walmart receives EVERY YEAR at around $4 billions).

        Why on earth should my hard-earned cash should go to subsidize McDonald’s? I hate their food and never eat there! Is it really in the public interest that McDonald’s exists ? I didn’t think so.

        • Getting workers out of & above poverty level gives them $$ that they can then pay taxes & insurance w/, & it would get plenty of people off assistance, all of which feasibly lessens tax bills for all payers across the board — I don’t get why / how others don’t see it this way.

          I tots agree w/ ya — what w/ taxes being a fact of life, I’d much rather the cost of the fast food that I never (ok, seldom!) eat go up & taxes go down.

          Why are these people who side w/ the entities screwing ’em over so short-sighted?

          • I don’t get why white people who are not very rich vote Republican either (Blacks and Latinos do not vote Repub).

          • Same here! Republicans I know well are either very rich or very redneck, & sometimes both — I get the m.o. of rich people being shrewd & greedy, but Fox News Gullible dummies I don’t get, at all — why are some people so resistant to acknowledging that they’re being fed a line of bullshit, time after time?

          • I think they want to associate with what they perceive to be “winners”… I am the exact same way — I can’t fathom why people vote against their own economic interest. Most of the Republicans I know are crazy rich (like Mellon grandkids, various Bush relatives, the oil crew in Houston, etc) and yes, they probably should vote Republican bec it’s in their interest.

            But when I see poor people railing against Obama and the Democratic party, I’m like: “Dude — do you have any idea how the other crew wants to feed you to the wolves?” Ah well.

          • I’m actually not super familiar with the ‘facts’ about the $15 an hour, so I really do try to stay out of it. What I won’t stay out of is people I share blood with being as nasty as possible about other poor people and actively working against their own interests.

            It’s a whole mess of a things — a heavily protestant working class pride that bases itself on being the ‘salt of the earth’/hard working = close to God, and infighting with other races/’illegals’ for crumbs (I am noticing a lot of articles about the protests prominantly feature all black women — I know that is a group that is prominently affected, but there is also a whiff of the ‘welfare queen’ myth about it). I just wish they’d spend some time considering who might be hurting their lives in really big, substantial ways. And display a little of the goddamn compassion I know they’re capable of when not being whipped into a frenzy by Fox.

    • Dean, if you move to the other side of the earth to get away from people you disagree with, sooner or later you’re going to run out of hemispheres. Don’t want to read people’s posts? Mute them. You won’t change their minds, they won’t change yours and getting an ulcer isn’t worth it. (See also: all other internet-based disputes.)

      • That was a joke, obviously. Don’t worry. I actually moved across the world to get out of my small world, challenge myself and see what else the world has going for it. You’d be surprised the kind of disagreements you can get into, also, when you and your husband are from completely different cultures and don’t have a native language in common.

        I like the ‘Don’t want to see it? Don’t look!’ coming from an RBD reader though.

        Unfortunately, it’s not ‘the internet’. As I said, it’s my family. And despite the obvious joke, I’d rather not just ‘mute’ them.

        Prickly, prickly.

    • if these people don’t like their minimum wage jobs, they should apply and get hired for jobs that pay a wage they prefer. Or, maybe they’re on minimum wage because they bring the least to the table.

      if you think employees should be paid more, give your employees more money.

      • “if these people don’t like their minimum wage jobs, they should apply and get hired for jobs that pay a wage they prefer” — Relax, people. They chose to be poor. 🙂

      • I am sorry there are jobs like teachers who earn less than $15 per hour who have to have BA or higher. Before you write your bs check your facts. There are individuals who are molding the future of this country and dedicated to creating social change instead of point fingers and assuming what you don’t know don’t begin to classify based on your opinions that is based on nothing. Friends with JA sounds just like her always talking from her donkey Ass. Be the change , be the voice for the voiceless and stand up for what is right. Before you banter I have two degrees and a credential so boo!

    • Because they are so afraid that I have the right not to become or remain pregnant. Signed, sealed, delivered.

      • JFAing to say that my son has selected his Ph.D program and it’s grand! But I’m going to need all of you here to hold my hand the day he moves. Carry on, and thank you. 🙂

        • On the hand-holding front (sort of), I just saw video of a friend’s kid making her (yes, her!) first solo flight as a pilot … WHEW! … I really was on the edge of my seat & at the same time, all teary-eyed … can’t even imagine the mama’s reaction seeing it for the first time.

  14. So, in the last thread, I’d posted: “Do you know who I am?”
    ~ESPNs Britt McHenry, emulating Mulia “Banned from Fox News” Mallison

    Anyone else following this as it (ahem) “unfolds”? So very Mom in a Minivan!

    In a Deadspin article (http://tinyurl.com/p4ohq86) they’re pointing out other things coming to light about this rude little twat waffle, & in following links, there’s a blogger McHenry went at (after McHenry googled herself & subsequently inserted herself into a convo that she flat out misconstrued from the get-go http://tinyurl.com/kyhc85f) — comments there about McHenry being an entitled, rude narcissist mirror RBD’s take on D0nk & the best part are the comments that appear to be McHenry defending herself, anonymously (of course).

    The many similarities will baugle your mind. Enjoy!

    • She’s young, pretty, white and thin — she is obviously the victim. She’ll be tearing up in televised interviews in no time flat. You know. Just like a male professional would be.

      • Another victim of affluenza. Poor privileged girl didn’t know it was not cool to abuse the poors.

  15. Umm, is there a safe word to use when political discussions are making one very uncomfortable? “Empanadas?” I respect the opinions of all, but this discourse is highering the tone around here to an excruciating level. (And I fear it will attract that turkey farmer back.)

    • I’m with you. If I wanted to read political opinions, I have a ton of other options for that. I come here for scathing wit about Donk.

    • There are five words, actually … a safe phrase, if you will:
      “KEEP CALM & SCROLL ON!”

      I kid! Probably. 😉 I meant to say: GO OUTSIDE & PLAY!

  16. Ugh. I have to perform at a wedding tomorrow and I am ready to be talked down off a ledge. Haven’t done this in years, these are good friends but I am such a freaking introvert that this is killing me. Help meeeee….

    • I feel your pain as a fellow introvert..

      May I ask if this wedding will be the joining of two parties, or will this be a solo event? I hear self-weddings are all the rage now.

    • You’re going to be fantastic. Also, wedding; people will have their least critical ears.

      Someone once asked if I would sing Bach Cantata 156 at their wedding and I was o_O. (It is very lovely, but the words begin “I stand with one foot in the grave,” so.) I dissuaded them, fortunately.

      • Hahaha, good call. Thanks for the support. I usually don’t have stage fright but for some reason playing at weddings makes me nervous and self-conscious. I’m sure I’m the only one that will know that though. Normally I don’t do weddings.

      • I once played the piano in an ensemble at a friend’s wedding. The song was “Are You Tired of Me My Darling.”

    • You will do great. Weddings are way more about helping them have fun and celebrate than doing ‘well’ anyway. I’m sure they want you to sing/play because they want to share the day with you, not because they want to criticize and pick your performance apart. Just go and have a great time.

      • Thank you and you are right. When I said I don’t normally do weddings, I wanted to clarify: it’s not that I share Donkey’s sour grapes view of traditional weddings. Instead in my case it is because I’d rather just be present and observing the moment rather than being a participant.

  17. OT: the Julia in my life is – in this moment – in a manic and persistent phase and trying to come to my house to have some deep, personal, ‘apology’ conversation ‘like for real not drunk’ and I just feel so trapped.

    I really think this must be what Julia’s friends feel like.

    • Tell her you might be contagious & video chat her instead?
      That way you can bail if it truly is as bad as you anticipate ….

    • ‘Apologies’ can be so self-centered. Just have your shoes on and a place you need to be in twenty minutes when they get there. Or, if you really want to, tell them no. If it’s a genuine apology, they should understand if you’re not ready to sit down in your own home and have it out yet.

      Alternative: meet at a coffee shop where things can’t get too dramatic and you can leave whenever you want.

    • Tell her you’re so excited she’s coming over because you need to borrow money from her. (That should buy you two months).

    • a friend / colleague who went to AA tried to make amends with me as one of the 12 steps; i was like, really, it’s ok, we’re fine — i didn’t want to hear about it

  18. Attention people: Donkey rearranged he books by color (again) and is happy she can look at her “art” every day. Can we go back to the theory that she’s actually mentally disabled?

    Also, she had an draining, emotional day, so she talked to her mm for two hours and now she’s all better.

    • How does one find a book in an “organized by color” bookcase? Doubtless she searched these books for any wisdom; she judged them totally on their cover.

      Hmmm…do I sense a personality reveal?

      • It’s easy! Kerouac’s On the Road is with the three Shabby Chic titles, because each of them is white! “Cookbooks” (9 slim volumes on diets and cleanses) are together in defiance of the color scheme, because preparing food is an important ritual to nourish your body and soul, and to show gather your friends together to share a home-cooked meal.

        There are a handful of novels in the rainbow, doubtless left over from college. No literary nonfiction, nothing on hobbie or crafts or art or other people. Plenty of pop psychology, though, and a few books with “economics” or “branding” or “marketing” in the titles, because Julia Allison is a businesswoman and a thought leader and an entrepreneur.

        Also? Imagine A Donkey reading Kerouac!

      • She doesn’t need to find a book again because they’re just props. Once they’ve been underlined, and said underlines have been photographed, they’ve served their purpose.

    • Didn’t she have an emotionally draining day going to Equinox just two weeks ago?

      Fucking loon.

    • PLEASE NOTE: Narcissist D0nkey has a fauxtograph of Narcissist D0nkey
      (OF COURSE!) amongst her “literary collection” (LITERALLY!) to gaze upon.

    • It’s weird that I care but her way with books, even the stacks of crappy airport self-help paperbacks she loves to surround herself with, gives me the stabbies. Always has. It looks as if she’s preparing to move because that’s the only reason stacking books the way she does makes sense – they’re easier to pack into crates that way.

      And if anyone was still doubting that that woman really is not a reader, well, I hope you find this sufficient proof. Unless you never touch them again, this is the worst way of keeping books because each time you take out one that’s not on top, you mess up the arrangement.

      The colour sorting thing? Oh well, despite her love for colours (bright) etc. we’ve always known that she’s not the brightest crayon in the box, so I’ll give her that if it makes her happy, except it doesn’t because nothing ever does.

  19. Get your resumes (sorry, bios) ready, catladies! Ali Shanti is hiring!

    You can get to work with her “now and then”!

    “One of my companies is hiring a Marketing Director. Please spread the word, far and wide. This is a phenomenal opportunity for someone who wants to grow with a fast-growing online business in a fantastic niche (lawyers) that has a vast number of proven results to use to market the business. Totally virtual.
    Huge potential for autonomy, learning, and evolution.
    Plus, you get to work with me now and then and some people pay big bucks to do that, so there’s that too. Here’s the info: http://newlawbusinessmodel.com/hiring
    PS — we are also hiring a coach, so please take a look at that too.”

    • Wait, so she is saying that working with her is a perk because “some people pay big bucks” to do that? What a fucking asshole. More like “I’m pushing off all the responsibilities to you while I swan around to clit-flicking symposia. Gooduck contacting me if you need help, you’re on your own.”

      • And I am totally sure there is NOTHING SHADY going on just because the address of her company is in some nondescript road near the Tahoe airport in NV, across the street from Tumbleweed Gym.

        (seriously, I google-mapped it).

        • Shanti really is an old school con, like some scheming nympho in a hard boiled pulp.

          Tumbleweed Gym, the new crime thriller from Charles Willeford, where personal trainer Ali takes everybody for a ride!

          wives

          • Jesus, she is right out of a Willeford novel, isn’t she? Or Megan Abbott’s fantastic Queenpin.

    • I know this will come as a BIG surprise that anyone has fled the clutches of the Skankatron 3000 Ltd & wants no reminder of the association, but …

      Caitlin McCluskey
      Former Film Production Assistant
      Southern Environmental Law Center
      Personal Assistant at Alexis Neely/Ali Shanti

      Caitlin McCluskey
      Former Sprog trainer at The Sierra Student Coalition
      Past: New College and The Coalition of Alabama Students for the Environment

      WHAT? happened?? She was just there, holding down the fort (& the coat ghouls) while Ali & her fuck buddy entourage were on a their “working vacation” in Costa Rica, filming each other w/ mud shoved up every orifice.

      • That was quick! Maybe Caitlin expected to be paid in actual dollars and not Money Map credits?

      • My guess is that she doesn’t want potential employers googling her former employers name and finding RBD.

  20. Shouldn’t SF psychics sense that someone is in need of their services and shoot them a FB message or something? Or a psychic map?

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