Shiny Donkey Is Shiny / Gross Skankatron Is Gross

embalmed donkey

The new profile fauxto. Damn, Donkey, what the hell is going on with your face? Time to thank The Academy:

In LA, 2014.
Tony Maesto photography
Alice + Olivia gown from my former life in NYC (yay Stacey Bendet!)
(and thank you to JP Black for introducing me to Tony!)

Still reading your delicious Venus Matters comments when I should be working. I hope everyone has a lovely day!

Quickly, Ali Shanti, intrepid spokeswoman for victims of metaphorical rape, might want to invest in one of Jules Cazedessus’ 10k diapers:

Boulder people. My teacher Pamela Madsen is in town with her partner Mac and they have time for one additional private session if you would love to have a sexological bodywork experience that will guide you deeper into your own sexuality.

If you followed my posts last July about my work with Pamela, perhaps you’ve been waiting for this. You can read more here from my experience in July and then contact Pamela directly via private message or by leaving a comment and tagging her here:

Michael Jacobs and I did some work with Pamela and Mac yesterday and all I can say about it is … yum. Last night was off the charts.



  1. It’s supposed to be a greased pig, not a greased donkey, right?

    Her obsession with pictures of herself is just bizarre. I will never understand it.

  2. It doesn’t take much to see how sloppy a job the fauxto-chopper did … all I have to do to see a crapload of pastel pixelation surrounding the flowers, pelts & remnants of removed back fat is tilt my monitor ever so slightly … there’s a whole (ho hole) lot going on around D0nk’s maw area too … her clown mouth is tamped down, but the fever blister is barely concealed.

      • This is from last year. She still had nozzle jewel in when she visited the Morons. I mean, was epically inspired by the lovership of the Morons. Donkey doesn’t do something as pedestrian as visiting old friends.

        • ‘k, I see the caption now, & I vaguely
          remember seeing the “Artist Lab” too.

    • Also, if I were the stylist for that shoot — the first thing I would notice is — WOW — THOSE FLOWERS ARE UGLY! (like — from the bodega ugly) Could no one style the flowers a bit! They are not even clipped at the ends or anything…

      Diana Vreeland would FIRE PEOPLE for less…

      (rant over)

      • Those are absolutely from the bodega flowers. Just pulled out of the crappy paper wrapping and done. Tho profesh.

    • We’re retiling and replacing one of our showers and JUST IN TIME! “Honey, should we add a Silkwood rinse to the new valve?”

    • lololol.

      I’m a bit late to this party, but that menstruation mat thing is also, like, not new. They’ve been around in Asia forever, my grandmother first bought me one back when I was a teenager and I am almost expired now. The ones I have are rectangular in shape, tho (which makes a lot more sense) and cost about 2USD at any Taiwan convenience store.

      I also do not understand the thing about this mat being a good buy for men because it’s better than keeping a box of tampons in your bathroom for your ladyfriends. 1) most women don’t sleep with tampons anyway because you’re not supposed to 2) a mat or towel is to prevent staining your sheets, not INSTEAD of a proper diva cup or sanitary napkin or whatever. That’s fucking disgusting. Whoever came up with that bit is a dumbass.

      • Wait, you’re not supposed to sleep with tampons in? Seriously, this is new information for me after 36 years of blessed moontimes.

          • ha no worries! just something I learned at a Girl Scout camp once. I assumed it was general knowledge, but maybe it’s just over-cautiousness.

          • Look up toxic shock syndrome. It was a thing in the 90s, not sure about now. Tampon packs used to come with warnings not to use them overnight too. Again, not sure if they still do. I stopped paying attention.

          • I feel weird that I missed all the news about this. I was born in 1964, so you’d think this would have been on my radar at some point.

            Huh. Well, I guess I got lucky.

          • No you totally can and should wear tampons overnight, if you need to! Or a Diva Cup, which is even less likely to be an issue re: TSS. TSS became a “thing” because of the super-absorbent, polyester fiber Rely tampon way back in the day. All 70s and 80s babies had this terror drilled into us since then. If you have concerns, only do this on heavy nights and pick a “regular” tampon and not ultra-super absorbent. The package inserts themselves say “up to 8 hours” which definitely means you aren’t in imminent danger even beyond that cutoff. Heavy flow gals who wear a normal tampon overnight should not have a care in the world and can forgo the circle of shame.

          • a nytimes writer lost most of her fingers to toxic shock back in the day


            This is the story of how, almost miraculously and with brilliant care, I survived and prevailed over that grisly and still mysterious disease. Almost every major organ of my body, including my heart, lungs and liver, was deeply poisoned. I narrowly escaped brain damage and kidney collapse. The enzyme released into my bloodstream that reflected muscle destruction showed almost inconceivable damage – an abnormally high reading would have been anything over 100 units; I showed 21,000 units. At first, the Rockford doctors thought they would have to amputate my right leg and the toes of my left foot. Because of the treatment, my legs were saved. But the dry gangrene on eight fingers persisted.

        • Ohh I always heard you shouldn’t keep in tampons over 8 hours? I mean, you can if you sleep less than 8 hours or change it midway or what have you, it always just made me too nervous to fall asleep, like, WHAT IF I SLEEP FOR 10 HOURS WILL I DIE.

          • I think that rule stems from back when the old RELY tampons (marketed to wear for the entirety of your period) were found to cause Toxic Shock Syndrome (sometimes deadly bacterial infection).

            Yeah, just don’t. :: shudder ::

        • Because of TSS, Big Tampon tells women not to leave one in longer than 8 hours. Source knows I sleep with the largest tampon known to womynkind in and have for decades (so expired). Donkey, with her manic, layabout schedule, probably shouldn’t.
          I’m glad we’re having this conversation.

          • Oy, we were typing same thing at the same time — took me longer cuz I googled for the toxic brand.

          • I worked for J&J back in the ’70s and was part of the national rollout for OB. Rely weren’t meant to be worn for the entire period but we’re marketed as an extended wear product. Interesting fact: They were made by modifying a teabag manufacturing process. The absorbent inner stuff was a perfect medium for bacterial overgrowth, which was usually a type of bacillus that, in way smaller numbers, is normal vaginal flora in a portion of the population. The synthetic tampon covering was a bit scratchy, such that it could scratch the vaginal walls and introduce the bacteria. I remember a lot of hysteria over toxic shock syndrome after this scare. It was overblown for sure but some good hygienic advice came out of the discussion.

          • Yeah. There is absolutely no problem with sleeping with a tampon in. I do it all the time. I even had one shoved up there for weeks once and forgot about it until it fell out one day. The toxic shock syndrome scare is from the ’70s, if I recall correctly.

          • “Big Tampon tells women…”

            Lol.. This place is killing me lately. I need to get out more.

          • I went to high school with one of the first girls to die of toxic shock from Rely. It was still in her body when she was autopsied — no one had thought to look, of course.

          • Same here, Handbag. Christmas of ’91 is when my friend passed — her kids were newborn & a toddler — she thought she had the flu.

          • Me too, whenever I see “super plus PLUS” I buy two boxes because they’re like two couch cushions shoved into a tampon.

          • Dear Greg, Fauxto, I have never wanted to change my user name to anything as much as I want to change it to Big Tampon.

  3. Pamela looks like Danny DeVito in that photo. Between this and the Venus Mat, I am starting to wonder if the universe is just pranking us. None of this can be real, can it?

  4. also, who is this Mac? What happened to the lizard men (Albino and Regular) and punk Charlie Brown? Pamela sure has a lot of turnover in her clitflicking empire.

      • And then along came Mac.

        Holy Schmoly. A lot of worlds and orifices must be opening for Baby Jedi.

          • But did Fozzie say no? C’mon, Colbs, spill!

            In my experience most people are hesitant with saying No. They are afraid of hurting someone's feeling or simply resist the awkward moment rejection often brings. I have been practicing thanking people for saying no to me, or inviting them to give me their full no or rejection when they are wishy washy or beating around the bush in "letting me down easy." This way it liberates them to realize that not always does telling someone no create distress and it honors my time and energy to redirect my attention elsewhere. This is particularly relevant in dating/romantic encounters.What would it be like if you honored your no fully and lovingly expressed it to another honoring them by freeing up their energy for something else?What would it be like if you started practicing saying "Thank You" when others say no to you? How would this create a new paradigm around relating?

            Posted by Colby Collins on Saturday, 21 March 2015

          • Do any of these idiots have parents that gave a rat’s ass? You think with all the shit they try to sell they’d be used to the word “no” by now. So brave to hear the word “no” three-year olds have more courage and wisdom than this hopeless lot.

          • @Gilly: I hope Fozzie occasionally says NO, FUCK NO. He has every right to not indulge her ever fantasy of seeing him emasculated and humiliated in every way possible.

          • That gobbledygook of woo-speak that Colby let loose above means “it’s okay, you can say ‘no’ sometimes.” WHAT’S WITH ALL THE LANGUAGE?

          • @Random: I’m all for young ‘uns experimenting sexually, playing out bi-coastal and bi-curious fantasies, but I do believe skeevy Skankatron pushes inexperienced Fozzie into sexual scenarios that make him extremely uncomfortable.

            Ali reminds me of this d-bag I knew during undergrad days. He was so into lesbo fantasies that he kept pushing his girlfriend, one of my best friends, into a threeway with another woman. I found the girlfriend bawling her eyes out at 3 in the morning, terrified that D-bag would dump her if she didn’t perform lesbian sex and pretend to like it.

    • Albie, you are going to be the death of me. Between your comments on this thread and mccakez’s “I’m sorry I brought the curse into our bed,” I’m laughing in that hopeless way and my stomach muscles hurt.

      • Yes! Lizard Men and Mcakez’ cursed bed are killing me.
        I’d also like to thank those of you who were using Thank Puff yesterday. What does it mean about my life that having the catladies using my typo gave me the biggest thrill I’ve had this year?

        • Thank puff, blood tarp, trapped in a large fabric taco, animated toadstool… you all have been killing me in the last few threads.

  5. CAN THESE PEOPLE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT SEX? STAHHHHP. GROSS. Noooobody wants to visualize skankti and her prepubescent ‘maji’. EW. NO. NO. It’s like really REALLY bad erotica. NO.

  6. Why is everyone picking on Princess Donks-A-Lot? She looks great for 60. She gets mistaken for the grandkids’ mom All *snap* The *snap* Time *snap*.

  7. This is the dress Donkey should have worn to her self wedding instead of that cheap Chinese piece of polyester shit. All she would have needed was a floral wreath and she’d have been all set.

    • yeah! I mean, the self-wedding thing is still dumb as shit but at least this dress doesn’t look so tacky.

      Also, I know this photo is probably photoshopped/processed as fuck, but this kind of makeup looks so much better/subtler than that awful joker face she had going on in the dusty dunes.

      I really don’t understand why she loves the bathroom squat pose so much though. When I was studying abroad in a certain Third World country this was pretty close to how we’d position ourselves over the squat toilets.

    • that would have made sense, so….yeah. no.

  8. I am haunted by images of Danny DeVito and Charles Manson (Maji looks like him to me, I’m sorry) fucking now. UGHGHGHG

  9. Has anyone noticed how crap those flowers look? Like they came right out of the bag, I trimmed. Also, is she trying to look like…Selena Gomez or something?

      • Like “nature’s changing course.” And speaking of every fair from fair sometimes declining, Donkey’s trajectory illustrates that perfectly. Just look at her up there. (Look at her life! Look at her choices!)

  10. #1. Why does she always have to do the stupid squatting pose?

    #2. What look is she going for here? Whimsical Woo Writer Woman?

    • I think this was during her “must prove to Avocado that I’m a model” phase. April or May 2014.

      • I halfway agree — more so, I think it’s from when she had Davidiot convinced she was trying to change from a busy “IT GIRL” in high demand to a laid back festival girl who could hang w/ burners — it is hillareballs that (of course!) she’d book a pointless fauxto-shoot to convey the new persona in-transition — ironic D0nkey is stupid.

  11. I can’t tell if this Madsen woman is an english sheepdog that was dumped in a gay bar dumpster or an all girls Ramones tribute band member.

    “Annie Lalla: Julia, what kinda face is that? Caption: Being gorgeous is so overrated”

  13. Oh is that a classic 2014? Thank Greg for the historian clearing up this matter! I was so sure it was a vintage late 2012! Oh and is that dress from the NYC era? Noted, noted!!

    • Even the fucking PUPPET has maribou feathers… Pamela Madsen has dyed pink CHICKEN feathers. So luxurious, so sexy. I permission you to make my yoni say yum.

  14. Annie lalla has commented on Donk’s new profile pic:
    Annie Lalla Julia, what kinda face is that? Caption: Being gorgeous is so overrated
    10 hrs · Like · 1

    Donk has liked it – but it looks like a backhanded compliment to me?

    Is she saying that being gorgeous is overrated, so donkey can’t be bothered to look gorgeous? Seems like a bit of smack talk to me…

    • Why does everything need a label? He’s 10 percent gay? So are a lot of kids in college. He’s experimenting. So the fuck what? I feel like there is always an agenda. He’s hoping he’ll be on the news or become a “thought leader” or talking head on the news. No one is more, “Awwww, me,” than Michael Ellsberg. (Okay, except for donkey.

      • his agenda is he wants to trick more people into looking at his dick pics which of course would inevitably lead to them begging to touch his boner.

        • “I ‘m starting to cross-dress at times, which I enjoy very much. Sometimes we’ll role play two women getting it on together. Sometimes we’ll role play two men getting it on.”

          • he’s such a fucking enema sack. He roleplays and thinks that makes him such a fucking sexual hero but he’s careful to say he only fucks cis women and he’s all kiiiiiiiinds of HETEROSEXUAL OKAY???

            Fuck you Michael Ellsburg. And not in the literal sense. You are a fucking moron.

          • Reminiscent of a straight college sophomore’s attempts, circa 1992, to be tho thofithticated and to really score with the alterna chicks. Smellsberg is in a band, too!

    • “I like personally meaningful and true words,” he pronounces and then talks about what does not “tickle his pickle.” Jay-sus.

    • why the fuck does he need to specify that he fucks “cis women”? Trans women are women too. He’s an asshole.

    • Say WUT?

      “We then get into all kinds of what I call “Freudian kink,” where we become Mommy and Daddy and baby and son and daughter and brother and sister, in all sorts of twisted age-regressions (all in role play, of course, with consenting adults) and we are interacting in every conceivable direction in the most naughty, kinky, Oedipal ways.”

      I mean, I’m glad there’s no shame in his game. That’s great. I also do things in bed I consider kinky, naughty, whatever. I DON’T PUT IT ON FB where my family and work contacts are. But maybe since he’s getting $1600 in free money from his friends to “write” and has a rich daddy, he doesn’t need to ever work again.

    • I SUGGEST: “Bi-gender Two-Spirit w/ a Gynesexual slant”
      SHORTER: stfu no1curr

    • I think what he’s looking for is where he falls on the Kinsey scale.

      But here, have some nachoooooossss. Would you like me to hold your hair back?

  15. The word you’re looking for is Straight. You are not special, gregdamnit.

    • If you’re a straight man who fucks straight women, you’re not queer. No matter how much you want to shock The Uptight People by what you do in bed (or on floors… wink wink! So naughty, tee hee.) Cross dressing doesn’t mean you like cock (someb

  16. OT: Forgive if it’s been mentioned but anyone see the video of ‘That Midwestern Verve’ performing Radiohead’s Creep. Not too shabby. My fb news feed has been blowing up with the video so I finally gave it a listen. Oh le donk wishes she had the ability or talent to trend like that. Link if you’re interested in checking it out!

  17. I’m trying to imagine how Wali Rahman reacted IRL when he read Ali’s & Julia’s posts.

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