This still grinds my gears.
And now I can feel it coming. I’m *almost* ready to open my heart for a serious partner. Not now. But … soon.
Wow! Lucky “boys!” A braying, self-obsessed, stalker-y lunatic who has prompted every dude she’s dated for the past eight years to flee for the hills will SOON be ready for a serious relationship!
Let’s recount. Here’s a random collection of the dudes she’s dated and been turfed by over the better part of a decade (I’d provide links but I am just too lazy; go searching the archives if you want to know more):
Eater Guy: Leaked that she was dating him to Gawker. Dumped. Married someone sane soon after.
Codename TK: Swiftered to avoid spending another minute with her. Dumped but thankfully given an easy out by having an actual girlfriend whom he neglected to mention to an enraged donkey.
Codename PK: Tired of her endless adolescent narcissistic bullshit. Dumped. And guess what? They are no longer “in each other’s lives as people.”
Pancakes McCain: Spent two weeks with her in the “home we shared in Coronado,” seriously weirded out by her hacking into his phone and email and responding coldly to other women as him, dumped her, fled to Guam, fell in love and got married.
JellyD: Terrified by her. Dumped.
Derwood: Lived with her for less than a year; endured her far longer than anyone else has in recent years. Dumped her ass for someone sane.
Avocado: Weirded out by her relentless attempts to nail him down into a serious relationship, including showing up to surprise him in New Orleans. Dumped.