The second of today’s Morin droppings:
There there is a particular poignance when you witness very old friends who have created an EPICALLY beautiful life together – friends you’ve known since before the engagement, before the marriage, before the companies they started, before the TV and book and media and massive success, before the house they built, before the adorable baby … Friends who you watched MAKE THEIR DREAMS A REALITY while staying grounded in their core values, in their creativity and their love, in their kindness, in their partnership and in their faith. Dave and Brit Morin have inspired me since the day I met them, and spending Sunday with their little family reminded me of what is possible with a truly great partnership. Perhaps it’s not common. But it’s POSSIBLE.
I had almost given up that dream.
Thank you, D & B. I love you!!
You want to dial it down a few notches, Donkey? I’m embarrassed for you and surely Dave’s getting tired of hosting your tongue in his bunghole.
Gettin’ some get back!
Donkey doesn’t need you, Devin. Not when she has learned self-love and self-respect and self-care and the joys of psychedelic tea.
Beginning Again (Almost Ready)
When you think you FINALLY met The One, and you’re ready to commit your heart, your life, your everything to him – and then that relationship blows up in your face in the most spectacular (read: horrifically painful) way you can possibly imagine … it takes TIME to heal, to krazy glue together the shattered fragments of your heart.
There are so many different flavors of breakup. In this one, thank god, I never thought “we should be back together.” No, no, no. We loved each other deeply, but we were not compatible life partners. Honestly, the 90s Don Henley song is true: Sometimes love just ain’t enough.
That said, being ripped apart still shook me to my core – mainly because I was SO CONVINCED he was IT! And if I was wrong about that … if I could be wrong about something so huge … what ELSE could I be wrong about??
That emotional earthquake destabilized my system – my trust in men, my trust in myself – for quite some time.
It’s taken me a little over a year since my big breakup, and two or three short term relationships I knew wouldn’t be life partnerships in the interim … to be super solid, really truly healed.
On Friday, I got the call I had wanted up until about the end of February. We hadn’t spoken in six months when he rang … the “I’m FINALLY calling to apologize, I’m so so sorry” call. Wow.
And you know what? When the call finally came … I didn’t need it anymore. Isn’t that always the case?!? Of course.
But that call closed a loop, finished a cycle.
I felt calm and compassionate, loving but completely unhooked … totally untangled. That’s how I’ve felt for a while with him. It’s fascinating how breakup healing occurs. You can have about 90% of the conscious pain out of your system but that final 10% sticks around for a WHILE. For me it kept showing up in terms of how open I was to actual serious partnership (not at all).
My subconscious was in essence saying: No WAY am I going to put myself through that level of desolation again. Nope, better to just focus on “diversifying my portfolio” in my happiness ecosystem.
So I went deep into friendship and lovership, sisterhood and brotherhood, tribe and community with some pretty spectacular human beings. And I went deep into partnership with the one partner I have for the rest of my life, no matter what … me. smile emoticon
I learned self-love and self-respect and self-care. I nourished my own creativity, my burgeoning art. I danced and I sang and I adventured. I loved many people deeply. I went deeper into my faith and I built a beautiful life with all of the resources I could muster on my own. More importantly, I built a beautiful life of which I’m REALLY proud … without the help of a partner. And now I know I can … I know I can be happy, truly happy, without any man involved, without any knight, white or otherwise, sweeping me off my feet.
And actually, that’s the best lesson I learned this year. I am deeply grateful for the depth of intimacy I experienced with my former partner, for the unbridled joy we experienced together, for the endless learning, for the intensity of our love, but I will NEVER AGAIN get into a relationship that is so insular (read: “co-dependent”).
And now I can feel it coming. I’m *almost* ready to open my heart for a serious partner. Not now. But … soon. (Sigh … I’ve said that for a while: “not now not now not yet!” like someone’s trying to push me out of a plane and I’m not sure if my parachute is strapped on or not)
My goal was for the book to be entirely complete, totally in the can, before I started dating again (I mean REALLY dating … not just dating men who are special and wonderful, but wildly inappropriate for a variety of reasons – cough, you know who you are, hahaha), and I’m still a few months away from that goal …
But after spending time with Dave and Brit today, and witnessing the creative POWER of deep partnership again … I am remembering. I am remembering the strength of a romantic partnership.
I think I had to let go of the dream, to let it die, for it to be reborn again, in a new form.
Humbling, this process. And I can feel my heart still very, very shy. I’m not ready yet. But soon. Soon.
It’s almost time to begin again.
For those of you who have been through this process – either with death or divorce or with a serious breakup … how did you prepare yourself to open your heart again?