Julia Allison Is Channeling Norman Bates

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granny

Wearing my grandmother’s sweater (and her coat, not shown) for my nephew’s baptism this morning. I wish she had been able to see this day … It would have filled her with great joy. She was certainly there in my heart.

Uh, hasn’t she also worn Nutty Granny Moneybags’ nightie?  This is starting to get a little creepy.  If Julia starts inveighing against multiculturalism and demanding the help don white gloves when serving Thanksgiving dinner at the OMG! University Club, we’ll know which personality has won.

norman

96 COMMENTS

      • Looks like Britt??!!! Am I right? Norman Bates looks like her brother.

        • Haha! Now that you mention it, maybe a little. I didn’t think of that, though.

          BTW, I know I owe you an email and I will get to it soon. 🙂

          Is it just me with Norman / Anthony, though? I first saw Psycho when I was about 15 and his hotness / cuteness was the main thing that got me through the movie.

          • no worries, you know what a slacker I am, it’s only fair!! I still have that compact to send you, it’s just I am too goddam lazy to go to the post office!!

  1. Why is she posting photos of just herself at her nephew’s christening?! She is such a psycho narcissist and she’s so clearly non-plussed about this non-Julia centered trip home. Which is going to be every trip home from no on because brother and baby live there now.

    • And granny was in HER heart. She can’t just shut the fuck up and turn off the phonecam on a day that has nothing to do with her, can she. Like even in a dare, or if she was ***PAID***, she wouldn’t be able to control herself.

    • Who takes these pictures? At least hold the kid and pretend that’s why you’re there.

    • Guessing her family was like “Enough, Julia! We are not your props!” After her wildly successful First Annual Family Foto-Op Five K.

  2. Is that a mink collar? So, pescachickenarian Julia Allison, former president of a one-member animal cruelty club in hs, won’t eat meat on principle, but she’ll wear meat pelts?

    While we’re at it: why does she insist on tucking bulky sweaters into skirts, & who the fuck wears what looks like a thin, white linen skirt in Chicago winter? Those whites clash, btw. And who the fuck wears stripper shoes to church?

    She really has no style nor taste whatsoever. Sartorial D0nkey is pitiful.

    • Who wears (yellowed, flaccid, poorly-preserved) white knit clothing on the cusp of winter in Chicago?

      • Trying to think how could she have made Nutty Granny Money Bag$ sweater work … un-tucked, paired w/ olive wool slacks (in a shade comparable to the mink); lose the necklace; sweep that lank the hair back in a casual bun; some silver stud earrings at most; push both sleeves up equally … no idea on farrier hoofwear tho’ …

        How does she get it so very wrong, every time?

    • Did you know that she covered New York Fashion Week for a jillionty years? She had a microphone! Stop harshing her mellow!

  3. My my I my…. me Me Meeeee ME!!

    JULIA ALLISON DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO YOURSELF? Seriously how did you manage to make this entire day about yourself?!?

  4. She looks so grimy and … dusty … and yet greasy at the same time. And if she doesn’t reek of [toxic; keep baby Noah away] mothballs, I will eat my (OMG vintage from Beloved Grandmother’s Estate) hat.

    • I can only imagine the smell of patchouli and mothballs mixed together would be quite gag-inducing. #showervom!

    • Even if the shoes were pointy-toed nude Manolos, maybe with an ankle strap – like half the girls at Conde Nast wear – this would be much better.

  5. That outfit is preposterous. I wonder who took one for the team and stopped the braying by humoring her with this grainy shot, in which, apparently, no one else cared to appear.

  6. She wore those shoes to church. Good grief. I wonder what her original outfit was going to be before she raided granny’s closet? Or do you think she had those clothes with her in SF. I still can’t believe she had someone take a photo of her in a church before an event that was celebrating her nephew. Lunatic.

  7. I bet the outfit she packed was so horrifically inappropriate they had to drag Granny’s trunk down from the attic for something decent for her to wear.

    • It was a shower vom by Yandy outfit, because she went to Burning Man and wants to tediously inform everyone in the world about it.

  8. she is feeling repudiated by her family so she is channeling the only other person who can be said to love her. there is literally, literally, literally no one left on earth who hasn’t had it with this bitch by now.

    we all called “crazy aunt living in the attic” as her future. this is how one transitions to that role. two ways: gradually and then suddenly.

  9. also this is one step removed from wearing another person’s skin. it is the creepiest thing she has ever done, think about it. you know damn well that sweater wasn’t dry cleaned.

    • You know she grabbed the sweater and coat on impulse, needing something to reassure her that she was once loved, loved, loved, after having spent the weekend playing second fiddle to her nephew and pissing everyone off with the 5K “we’re the most amazing family ever!” bust.

  10. I just don’t know why she’s still “honoring” the woman who TRICKED her by sending her the CrappiestLoveTheWorldHasEverKnown™

    • We still don’t know if he is the one or not. She could see him at a Camp Smelly event, rookie him and drag him home to a dungeon or something and “first it puts the lotion on” him. The greatest love ever known could still happen!

      Otherwise Granny was a straight up bitch to send the wrong guy.

  11. When your arms appear longer than your legs and your hands twice the size of your already clompity clompers, THAT’S when you don’t post the picture, Donks. Also when your face looks like that. Get some sleep.

  12. So I’m playing catch-up. So I thought the 5K was some 5K that was going on that she signed up for. Am I to understand that the 5K was just something that she had t-shirts printed for and forced her family to run?

    Does she know she’s a god damn piece of shit lunatic?

    • I suspect a new scheme is afoot ahoof …
      Did she add “Marathon Coordinator” to her Resupedia page yet?
      Who or What is our sporty d0nkey targeting now?

    • She ran a 3-mile thing in SF, with insane fauxtos of her crossing the finish line like Rocky Balboa. Then, since she accomplished that feat, she tried to arrange another 3-mule (haha, mile, but it stays) jog with her parents, which she “branded” with ugly logo t-shirts.

    • oh my Greg I completely missed this – you’re telling me there wasn’t an actual 5k happening that she signed the family up for?
      she just picked 3.whatever miles around their house, declared it a “5k”, and made t-shirts equating her brother’s baby with her dog (wtf?), and then brayed ’til they to pretended it was real?!?

  13. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HER HANDS?

    Why do her hands look like large detachable, prosthetic hands? And not even the right size or gender. They look like big fake man hands:

    http://imgur.com/9Lp2eHc

    Are they bloated from a sugar binge? Did she rage-eat fudge topping, trying to push down feelings of jealousy brought on by the baby’s christening?

    And why does her face look like a plastic melty face?

    Jesus. She goes home for 1 visit and all hell breaks loose.

  14. I had a skirt just like this that I wore as a cover up during spring break 2003 in south padre. I think I bought it at one of those cheesy spring break stores called Wingz or whatever. It’s all I can see when I look at this picture. Her sartorial choices never stop being embarassing.

  15. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wearing older family members’ clothes. My mother and both of my grandmothers had amazing style (not to mention they were all about the same size I am), and I have a lot of beautiful vintage pieces that were hand-me-downs from all three of them — plus costume jewelry from my nutty alcoholic great-grandmother, who had some pretty epic taste in accessories.

    The SINGULAR FOCUS on NGMB is what’s creepy.

    And I would never sleep in a dead relative’s pajamas.

  16. New cray, fresh on FB:

    “Steam rises off the lake this morning at my parents’ home before my mother drove me to O’Hare. No matter how many times I fly home – and there have been hundreds since I left at age 18 … I always feel the same way when I leave. An aching, a subtle sadness, a preemptive homesickness. “I wish you’d just get over the cold and move home,” my mom said as we hugged goodbye at the airport just minutes ago. But I won’t. This isn’t where I’m meant to be. And yet … Living with this knowledge – that (realistically) my family and I will always be separated – is like living with chronic heartbreak. It’s always there, even if it’s under the surface.
    And yet, I’m so happy to head back to San Francisco, my new home, the place that I feel fits me better than any other I’ve lived. Such is life, this continual balancing of needs and desires, of reality and dreams, of what could be and what is.”

    One day s00n, her parents won’t drive her to O’Hare but somewhere to get her 5150’d.

    • Such is life, the continual balance of cashing daddy’s checks and stalking carny DJs, of pretending to have a job and mistreating your dog, of pathological lying and losing all your friends…

    • Has Julie every lived in a city more than 2 years?

      She is a rootless nomad running from all of her past mistakes, and that is the reason for her deep sadness.

    • cut her OFF!!! Stop paying for her goddam apartment, lunatic costumes, and oxygen-sucking publicity stunts. BAUGHERS I BLAME YOU!

      • also she needs to stop fucking acting like she’s the only one who made it across the border while the rest of her family remains in a war-torn colony. It’s fucking Chicago. It’s RIGHT FUCKING THERE. You don’t need papers to get there, or bribes, or any fucking thing but a fucking credit card and a government issued ID, both of which have been given to you (you certainly didn’t EARN them.)

    • Why does she mix tenses in the first sentence? And shouldn’t “the place I feel fits me better than any other I’ve lived” end with “in” or read “any other in which I’ve lived?” She really is the shittiest writer in the land.

    • “I wish you’d just get over the cold and move home”
      Transbraytion:
      We’re not going to pay your rent forever, you should cut the crap and move back home.

      • What a wishful transbraytion. They show no signs of cutting her off.

      • If Robin really wants that then all they have to do is cut her off. Where else would she go? They could control and change this situation in one month if they wanted to.

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